# You're telling me about this # I tell you about` about that # Start talking shit, you'll walk into another trap. # We got the night. # We got the world. # Into the future, I give you my word. # We got the night. # We got the world. # Into the future, I give you my` # - Hello,... - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) ...and welcome to The Russell Howard Hour. It's been a shocking week in Westminster. Female staff in Parliament have accused some MPs of sexual harassment. Dozens of MPs have been named on a spreadsheet compiled by conservative researchers accusing them of inappropriate behaviour. You would have, sort of, micro-sexual aggression. So, women would get up in the chamber, and Tories opposite would do this gesture ` like they were weighing their breasts. (LAUGHTER) How depressing is that? Women are getting up in Parliament, and they're like... Some of the details that have come out are unbelievable. Look what Tory MP Mark Garnier got his secretary to do. The Cabinet office is to investigate whether international trade minister Mark Garnier broke the ministerial code after he admitted asking his secretary to buy sex toys. (LAUGHTER) We're in the middle of Brexit, and he's like, 'Miriam! - 'Fetch Daddy a dildo.' - (LAUGHTER) Can it get creepier? Yeah! Look when he asked her to get them. What?! Who does that after roast turkey? (LAUGHTER) Most people watch Wallace and Gromit. He's like... (IMITATES VIBRATION) Christ! (APPLAUSE) I mean, what carols is he singing? Just ` # Five cock rings. # Four anal beads. Three butt plugs. Two nipple clamps. # And a partridge up my ring-piece.# (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) It's not just Tories behaving like perverts. Labour have been dealing with their own problems. Labour has suspended and launched an investigation into the behaviour of MP Jared O'Mara following comments he made online. There was reference to having an orgy with the pop band Girls Aloud. There were comments on fat women ` disparaging comments. And he referred to gays as 'fudge packers' and 'driving up the Marmite motorway'. (LAUGHTER) Labour were appalled. The Tories were shocked. - UKIP said, 'We'll have him.' - (LAUGHTER) Now, he wasn't just homophobic. He referred to teenage girls as (IMITATES) 'sexy little slags'. He's Northern; that's why I did that. And some people are saying, 'Yeah, but it was 15 years ago.' But one woman in Sheffield claimed this year that he said ` If that's true, not only is that horrifically offensive, - it doesn't make any sense. - (LAUGHTER) Do ya know what I mean? (GROANS) Wouldn't rub my grandad's tits on you. - (LAUGHTER) - Can it get worse? Yes, it can. Look where he worked ` - How did he get that job?! - (LAUGHTER) GRUFFLY: Morning, ladies. Don't worry, I'm a feminist. I love slags. (LAUGHTER) GRUFFLY: Let's get rid of the glass ceiling and put in a mirrored floor. Come on! - (LAUGHTER) - It's so depressing. Homophobia, sexism ` it just feels like all our MPs are beneath us. And we need them to work for us, because winter's coming, and the NHS isn't gonna cope. I mean, did you hear about this story? Patients recovering from surgery could be put up in Airbnb-style accommodation to try to help the NHS free-up more hospital beds. Hospital patients in an Airbnb. What next? Replacing ambulances with Uber. Just doctors picking patients on Tinder ` - just 'no, no, no'. - (LAUGHTER) What I wanna know ` who thought this was a good idea? The NHS needs investment, not gimmicks. Look how desperately A & E departments across the country are struggling. We're at breaking point. It can't carry on. The queues on the corridor, and the situation that the patients are in and the department's in ` it's unsafe. They are on their arse. And do you know what the government did? They took the bosses of the worst-performing A & E unit, got them together in a room, and... The NHS needs money! Not fucking songs! (LAUGHTER) You can't sing things better. Doctor, I'm having a heart attack! # Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive. # Stayin' alive. # - (APPLAUSE) - It's insane! Imagine that! I'm constipated. - # Let it go! - (LAUGHTER) # Let it... # It's nuts, isn't it? You know? But it wasn't the only NHS story that caught my eye. Did you hear about this? - (LAUGHTER) - Giving your cock a name is one of the joys of being young. And me and Raoul don't ever want that to change. Am I right, Raoul? (HIGH-PITCHED) Yeah! (CHUCKLES) They even made an advert. Now, not only is it incredibly creepy, it makes the dad look like the thickest man alive. (LIGHT ACOUSTIC MUSIC) Daddy, did you know I've got a vulva? A what? A vulva. And boys have got a penis. Did you know that? (LAUGHTER) (MUSIC CONTINUES) Aye, that's right. Boys have a penis and girls have a vulva. (LAUGHTER) What is it?! - What is it with the potatoes? 'Dad, I've got a vulva.' (GROANS) - (LAUGHTER) So weird. You don't need to spend money on an advert. It's really simple. This is a vagina. And this is a twat. (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) Now, elsewhere this week ` great news for Scottish children. Scotland is to become the first part of the UK to outlaw the smacking of children ` completely. Did you hear that? That is the sound of Scottish kids going, - 'Well, I am gonna break my parents.' - (LAUGHTER) What I wanna know ` who hits their kids? Such a stupid way of making your point. Violence... is... wrong. - And stop with the swearing, you fucking idiot. - (LAUGHTER) Amazingly, it's still legal in the rest of the UK. Currently, there are no bans on smacking in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, where parents are currently allowed to use 'reasonable chastisement'. Reasonable chasti` What does that even mean? - GRUFFLY: Don't make me reasonably chastise you. - (LAUGHTER) Like, this kid's going, (IMITATES CHILD) 'I tell you what, I received appropriate castigation - 'for my misdemeanours last night.' - (LAUGHTER) Just another kid, (IMITATES CHILD) 'Really? My dad just kicked the shit out of me.' (LAUGHTER) It gets even stranger. According to one charity... You can hit your child, but you can't touch a dog. 'Stop being naughty!' The dog's in the corner like that ` 'Yeah.' - (LAUGHTER) - Your behaviour is appalling. (GRUNTS) (CONTINUES GRUNTING) 'You bring shame upon this family.' It's nuts. (APPLAUSE) It's so weird, though, innit? Dogs get away with murder. I got a slap if I mouthed off. The dog used to sit in the middle of the room, licking its arsehole, - and he was a 'good boy'. - (LAUGHTER) If I did that, I'd be in jail... - or the circus. - (LAUGHTER) - Come see the lazy-eyed boy. He can lick his own ring-piece. - (LAUGHTER) Wouldn't be a popular circus. I'm just saying, I would be in the circus. Now, bizarrely, some people are in favour of smacking. You even read headlines like this ` Bollocks! Nobody's ever won an Oscar like, 'I'd like to thank my dad for beating the shit out of me. - 'He used to chastise me every night.' - (LAUGHTER) Besides, if you have to punish kids, there are much better ways to do it ` mess with their head. - Emotionally damage them. - (LAUGHTER) Or do what my parents did ` when they wanted us to behave, they lied! - (LAUGHTER) - That's what happened, wasn't it? - 'If you touch your willy, you'll go blind.' - (LAUGHTER) 'Eat your carrots. You'll be able to see in the dark.' And when that stopped working, my mum took it up a notch. 'If you don't stop being naughty, I'll go to school and get my tits out.' - (LAUGHTER) - All right! All right! All right, Mum! OK! I will! 'Don't make`' 'I will!' 'Don't`' I fucking will! (APPLAUSE) What I'm saying is, you shouldn't hit kids, cos even when they're naughty, they're amazing. WOMAN: Where are we? Oh, monkey on the car. Monkey on the car. Fuck off. (LAUGHTER) (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Elsewhere this week, not all political stories have been seedy. The Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is going to swap the despatch box for goggle-box when he appears in a celebrity special next week. Why is that on the news? If you look closely, politicians have been in loads of shows during the years. ('EMMERDALE' THEME) I thought you still loved me as much as I love you, but maybe I got it wrong. Tell me if I did. Hmm. ('THE X FACTOR' THEME) It was just horrific. The song was atrocious. As I say, I make no excuses. Everything. Even the hair. I would be scared of you. You're actually, really, quite scary. ('THE ONLY WAY IS ESSEX' THEME) The reality is that, actually, there may be different routes to scale a mountain. What the fuck are you going on about? What the fuck are you talking about? (CHUCKLES) (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Not that it was the only TV story that caught my eye. The big dog's back. Hidden beneath the waves, right beneath my feet, there are creatures beyond our imagination. The legend has returned to the oceans. 16 years after the first Blue Planet series, David Attenborough is once more guiding us through some spectacular wonders of the deep. Oh, did you watch it? Some of the shots of the ocean were incredible. And did you see the fish that can change sex? How confusing would sex be? 'One minute she was The Little Mermaid, 'then she was Free Willy.' - (LAUGHTER) - It'd be pretty cool, though, wouldn't it? Imagine having the ability to change sex whenever you want. (DING!) Cues for the toilets ` I'm a man. Getting served at a bar ` I'm a woman. Pay day ` I'm a man. Winning an argument ` I'm a woman. Childbirth ` I'm a man. Having an orgasm ` I'm a woman! I'm a woman! I'm a woman! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Join me after the break when I'll be talking to a man who befriended members of the Ku Klux Klan to stop them being racist. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - Hello,... 1 - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - Hello, and welcome back to the show. Let's talk about teaching. Now, this summer, I interviewed loads of school kids about politics, and, for me, it was an absolute joy. What do you think a lion would be like in minus-20? Very good. Very good. Like that. What about a woodpecker` I got it. ...at 14? - (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) - That was excellent. Yeah, that was really good. And it got me thinking it'd be great being a teacher ` hanging out with funny kids, watching their minds grow, playing a vital role in society. But then when you look into being a teacher ` oh my God. It's one of the hardest jobs in this country. The number of teachers signed off with stress has almost doubled in the past five years. 71% of London's teachers say they've had physiological or mental health issues at work. No wonder they're depressed. Class sizes are getting ridiculous. I read a story the other day about a class of 64. How can you teach 64 kids?! - You would take the register, and then the fucking bell would go. - (LAUGHTER) Imagine dealing with 64 primary school kids. One is hard enough. I was helping my little cousin with his homework the other day, and I went, 'If you had nine apples in one hand, and five in the other, what would you have?' - He looked at me, and went, 'Massive hands.' - (LAUGHTER) And some of these little bastards are feral. There is! Listen to this, right ` Who punches a teacher when they're 7? When you're 7, you should be eating Skittles, trying to poo out a rainbow. (LAUGHTER) Not head-butting your maths teacher. And they're not just attacking them in person. They're also having a pop online. Have you heard about Rate My Teacher? This was written by a primary school pupil ` Who says that when they're a kid?! They shouldn't have Rate My Teacher; they should have Rate My Parents. If your 6-year-old is writing that, then you need to be sterilised. Take some responsibility for what swam out of your balls or fell out of your fanny. - (LAUGHTER, WHOOPING) - Yeah, damn right! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) And when the comments aren't vicious, they're just ridiculous. One parent from Bristol said a teacher was ` - Nobody can motivate a squirrel! - (LAUGHTER) It's a fucking squirrel! I've never seen a squirrel Ted Talk. (LAUGHTER) - How did I get ahead in business? Well, it's a long 'tail'. - (LAUGHTER) It's not even the most insane criticism. This is honestly one of the maddest headlines you will ever read. According to an expert ` What?! It's child abuse if you don't touch kids. It's mental, isn't it? - 'Show me on the doll where he didn't touch you.' - (LAUGHTER) That's gotta be the weirdest confrontation ever. Just parents ` 'Oi, Mr Hall. Why didn't you touch my kid?' Not hot enough for you, is he? Uniform not tight enough, is he, Hall? 'Don't you ever, ever leave my kid alone again. (LAUGHTER) 'Am I making myself clear?' - Not really. - (LAUGHTER) Teachers aren't just being battered by parents and kids. Austerity is smashing them too. Their real terms pay is decreasing year on year. And what are they doing in the face of these cuts? Behaving like fucking heroes. Some teachers are... They're dipping into their own savings to help our children. That is selfless and beautiful and shocking. Imagine the pain of being hit in the back of the head with a rubber, knowing that you fuckin' paid for it. (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) And they aren't just giving them pencils. How amazing is that? 'Are you chewing?' 'No.' 'Well, have this sandwich. 'Any chance your dad could stop going on the internet and calling me a pedo?' (LAUGHTER) They're looking after our children, so why aren't we looking after them? Cos teachers are vital. I had two favourites at school. Number one was Mr Jones. We used to do that thing where you angle your watch so the sun reflects in his eyes. He went into the store cupboard, bought out a full-length mirror, - and went, 'How do you dickheads like it?' - (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) And number two ` Mr Andrews. He gave me a Lee Evans video and changed my life forever. - I mean, I was hoping it was a porno, but... - (LAUGHTER) The point I'm making ` teachers are vital. They make children dream big and strive harder and achieve things they didn't know they were capable of. They are wonderful. Every time I watch this, it reminds me how important they are. Look how this teacher changes this boy's life. Hello. Oh, hello, Miss. (STAMMERS) VOICEOVER: Musharaf has had a severe stammer since childhood. On top of his English lessons, Mr Burton is giving Musharaf extra help outside the class. Today he wants to talk to him about an important part of his English GCSE ` the speaking exam. If I give you something to read out... Oh, yeah. I am your audience. Tap it out as much as you need. Sing it, if you need to. (STAMMERS) Right, one thing ` and it's only cos I watched The King's Speech quite recently, all right. One thing he does, right` Cos it's a very similar thing to you, in that he just can't get the words out. One thing he does do, is he makes him listen to some music, all right. And then when he's listening to the music, gets him to do it again. OK. There? OK, that's all right. Go for it. One, two, three. That I own this, is the same moment when the trees unloose their soft arms from around you, the birds take back their language, the cliffs... (STAMMERS) Fissure. The cliffs fissure and collapse, the air moves back from you like a wave and you can't breathe. Bloody hell. (CHUCKLES) That's insane. Yes. (EXHALES SHARPLY) Come on. I want to thank you... I want to thank you today for letting me speak in front of all of you. I want to especially thank Mr Burton for helping me overcome my stammer. I really want to thank you all for listening, and I hope the best for all of you ` all my fellow students and teachers. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - So important. Now it's time for another edition of Playground Politics. This week, me and the children of the world spoke about the Queen. (ROCK MUSIC) Do you know about the Queen of England? No. No? No. Um, Queen Elizabeth? What do you think the Queen does? Cross-country skiing on, like, her red velvet carpet. Ooh, nice. Nice. People try to guess which window she's in. That's right, we do. We play a game called 'Where's Queeny?' She's a psycho. She gets everyone that works at the palace to ride a pig, and whoever's last in that race, do you know what happens to them? No. Exactly. Do you know how much money the Queen gets paid a year by the British taxpayer? $150 million. That is an excellent guess, cos it's ` Wow. What would you do with that moolah? I would probably buy myself the most luxurious house in Australia, and then there would be a separate dungeon for my parents when they got angry. Yeah. That would... Do you know, the Queen has got the largest collection of stamps in the world. Or, as she calls them, selfies. That's all right, innit? No? 1 Them kids, them kids. My guest this week is a blues musician who's befriended some of the most dangerous and bigoted men in America. I'm Daryl Davis. I'm a musician, actor, author and a lecturer. As shameful as it is, you don't burn our history ` regardless of the good, the bad and the ugly. And the Ku Klux Klan is as American as baseball, apple pie and Chevrolet. Hey, Gary. Nice to meet you. My pleasure. Here's my Great Titan robe. Want me to put it on? Yeah. We would fight to the last bullet for our people. How can you hate me when you don't even know me? Look at me and tell me to my face why you would lynch me. I never set out to convert anybody. Hey, Frank, how are you doing, man? In my quest, some of them ended up converting themselves. I consider Frank to be my friend. I consider Daryl to be my friend as well. Please welcome Daryl Davis! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) (GROANS) There you go. Wow. That is handshake. (CHUCKLES) I was sitting in the green room, watching your show before I came on,... Thanks. ...and I kept thinking, 'Man, I wish this show 'could be seen by more Americans.' Because you, my friend, you tell the truth. You put it out there. - Oh, thanks very much. - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) He does. That was a clip from your documentary Accidental Courtesy, which ` if you haven't seen it ` it's a phenomenal documentary. Basically, you go around converting people that are in the KKK. Well, I go around meeting them and set an example, and they end up converting themselves ` some of them do. OK. The other thing that really freaks me out is that I just assumed the Klan had gone. I didn't think it was there. Oh, yes. So, how many members of the KKK have you stopped being members? I would say maybe, directly, between 40 and 60 people. Indirectly, over 200. OK. That's pretty impressive. (APPLAUSE) So vicariously, through learning about me and then in person, many of them would end up leaving the Klan on their own. I was the impetus, but I didn't say, you know, 'You need to get out and give up this stuff.' They would leave on their own, and I would get their robes and hoods and other Klan paraphernalia, which I keep, OK? You keep them? Yeah, I do, because one day, I'm gonna open up a museum, because it's important that... If you're gonna show your history, you gotta show the good, the bad, the ugly and the shameful. Don't hide anything. Why did you decide to do this? Well, racism always fascinated me, cos I couldn't understand how someone could judge another person simply on the colour of their skin. And as a kid, I went to international schools. My dad was in the foreign service, so we did a lot of time overseas. I was an American Embassy brat. In my classes, back in the 1960s, I had Japanese kids, Nigerians, Italian, French, Russian, German. If you were to pop your head in the door and look at my classroom, you would say, 'Oh, that looks like a United Nations of little kids,' you know? And at the same time that I was having this diversity, my peers back home in my own country were either going to newly integrated or still segregated schools. So, when was the first time you encountered`? Well, when I would come back, I would either be in an all-black school or a black and white school ` a newly integrated school. So when I was overseas, I was living 12 to 15 years ahead of my time. Wow. So you were literally going from Technicolor to black and white. Exactly, exactly. - That was actually quite clever. - (LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT CONVERSATION) - You actually freaked out, cos you were like, 'Is that racist?' - (LAUGHTER) No. It's the truth. Yeah, man. Yeah. So, how does one go about changing the mind of a racist? By learning as much as you can about that ideology,... Right. ...before you meet them. Because, you know what, when I would go in there and meet with these people, I would know as much as they did or more about them and their organisation than they did. And so whether they liked me or not, they had to respect me,... Right. ...because I'd done my homework. So that enabled me to sit down and listen with them, and I would not allow them to push my buttons. And that really throws them ` when they see that I'm unshakeable. How do you not get scared? These people want to kill you. Well, they got a lot to kill, don't they? (LAUGHS) (LAUGHTER) See, look at that ` you're laughing about that. How are you not scared? I mean, there are people who believe that way who wear clothes just like you and I, and you probably even know some, but you don't feel that fear until you see them in their robe and hood. I don't let the robe and hood throw me. So you're never...? (STAMMERS) No, I mean, they are dangerous ` many of them are. Yeah. And then there are those who will sit down and talk and try to be rational, but, you know, there's no rationale behind racism. And then there are those who are just loose cannons. I've had a few fights. Does your wife not get scared? She is a little concerned, yes. I keep her away from a lot of that stuff. I don't take her to the rallies with me. They'd probably be a little upset, because she's white. OK. Have you ever met somebody who you think, 'There's no helping this bloke.' Well, you know, I realise that not everybody's gonna change. There are gonna be those people who will go to their graves being hateful, violent and racist. And they'll just have to go that way. Yeah. But there are other people who are more ignorant. Ignorance can be cured; stupidity cannot. You've got a beautiful way with words. One of my favourite quotes from the documentary is 'We're living in space-age times with stone-age minds.' Well, this is true, man. - What a quote. Like, it's really` - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Let me tell you how that came about. It bothers me, as an American, you know, we call ourselves the greatest nation on the face of this earth. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my country. I'm patriotic, all that kind of thing, despite, you know, the flaws that we have. Yes. But... perhaps technologically we are. We put a man on the moon before anybody else. And we invented that technology. And while Neil Armstrong was up there walkin' around on the moon, talking about, 'One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,' we were able to talk to him live. So how is it that we, as Americans, can talk to people as far away as the moon, and all over the face of this earth, but yet many of us have difficulty talking to the person who lives right next door because of his colour, his ethnicity, his persuasion, his religion. So it seems to me that before we can call ourselves the greatest, our ideology needs to catch up to our technology. And when we get them both up there, then we can truly brag about how great we are. Cos, like I said, this is the 21st century, man. We are living in space-age times, but there are still too many of us thinking with stone-age minds. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) I like you. - Hello,... (APPLAUSE) One of the more upsetting bits of the film is when you have a discussion with the Black Lives Matter guys. Yes. They get very frustrated with you,... Yes. because they think that you should be doing more to help the black community than trying to turn, you know, KKK members. How did you respond to that? Because it was one of the most visceral moments of the film. That's an excellent word ` visceral. A lot of black people, when they see a picture of me shaking hands with somebody in a robe and a hood, of course, there's a visceral reaction. A knee-jerk reaction. I would have one myself. But there are those who form an opinion immediately, 'Oh, this guy must be a sell-out. He must be an Uncle Tom. He must be an Oreo.' Yeah. Black on the outside, white on the inside. You know, it's a derogatory remark. But then there are those who say, you know, 'What the hell is going on here? Let me read the backstory and find out. Oh, OK. I get what he's doing now.' So in the film, the first time the young guy met me was in the parking lot. And the first thing out of his mouth was, 'I understand you're the first black member of the KKK.' Right. Well, obviously, he has some bad information, because if the KKK had any black members, it wouldn't be a KKK, right? It would be an OKK. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) That was funny. Even when you laugh, your face is beautiful. (LAUGHTER) So, he and his buddies ganged up on me, and what you saw was eight minutes of contention. It went on for almost an hour. It almost broke out in to a fist fight, OK. Now, believe it or not, three Wednesday's ago, we went out and had dinner. Now we are all friends. Oh OK. And they better understand what I do; I better understand what they do; and we have agreed to work together. Dialogue is the key. Yeah, that's the main thing that comes out of the documentary. It's a conversation, isn't it? Yes. When two enemies are talking, they're not fighting. They're talking. They might be yelling and screaming and disagreeing and beating their fists on the table to drive home a point, but at least they're talking. It's when the talking stops that the ground becomes fertile for violence, so we want to keep the conversation going. Yes, man. (APPLAUSE) - Where do you stand on Trump? Presumably, his neck. But where... - (LAUGHTER) Where do you stand on Donald Trump? Because we watch him with a mixture of... I'm gonna tell you where I stand on Donald Trump. OK. You know, I'm a musician by trade. Yeah, interesting start. - (LAUGHTER) - (IMITATES DRUMMING) I played for Donald Trump many years ago, long before he was running for politics. Oh, OK. I believe... Now, I did not support him in this last election, however, I truly believe that Donald Trump is the best thing that has happened to my country. Really?! Yeah, I do. Why's that? Now, let me explain how. Yeah, I know, yeah. Do you ski? - Um... (LAUGHS) - (LAUGHTER) Um, I mean, no. I've never been skiing, but I love the way that you... - I mean, that is a curveball. - (LAUGHTER) (LAUGHS) Isn't it? That's like me going, 'Theresa May is an excellent politician. - 'Tobogganing ` is it your thing?' - (LAUGHTER) I've never skied. Are you a skier? No. (LAUGHTER) If you went skiing, perhaps, or just walking down a flight of stairs,... I can do that, yeah. ...and you fell, you may fracture your leg, all right? You go to the doctor. The doctor says, 'Well, Russell, the type of fracture you have, 'I have to break the bone and reset it so it will heal properly.' That is precisely what Donald Trump is doing to the United States. Oh, that's interesting. He is breaking the bone of the country. Not by any intelligent design, you understand,... (LAUGHTER) ...just through his BS. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Because that needs to happen. My country was built on two tiers ` white supremacy and slavery, OK? Yeah. And this never happened. When we progressed, we progressed like this, not like this, OK? Yeah. So when Donald Trump gets done breaking the bone of America, everybody is gonna be hurt ` black, white, Muslim, Jew, Christian, rich, poor, male, female ` we all will be hurt equally. We all will be on the ground level, and we will have to rebuild together. Rely on each other to rebuild together. Yeah. And this time, we'll get it right. Because it won't be like this, it'll be like this. (APPLAUSE) Thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you, my friend. It's a window into a world we don't know about. Ladies and gentleman, the wonderful Daryl Davis! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Join me in part three when we'll be talking about how your good deeds have made the world a better place. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Welcome back to the show. Now, it's time to look at your good deeds ` all the great things you've seen and sent into the show. Aoife Carey tweeted me to say ` (LAUGHTER) My mate, Harley, saw this on Twitter and said, 'Russ, you've got to show this.' An advert telling Australians to vote against gay marriage was put up around the back of a pizza shop saying ` So the pizza shop graffitied the back of their own shop so it read ` - (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) - Absolutely wonderful, isn't it? I love this bit of the show, man. And, finally, James, who works on the show, told me about the 'chewing gum man'. Have you heard about him? If you haven't, he's amazing. (UPBEAT MUSIC) I'm Ben Wilson. For the last 13 years, in rain, sunshine and snow, I've been painting on people's discarded chewing gum. So it's chewing gum that you're painting on? Yeah. I'm taking gum which is spat out ` ugh ` making it into 'mmm'. I found it cathartic that I could take something which was thrown away ` a negative action ` and change it around into something positive. You know, you become attached to an area, especially working around here, and when I see people, you know, littering on the street, it kind of feels like they don't love the area any more and like they're disrespecting it in some way. So seeing someone change that, it does help. It makes you feel better. It restores your faith in people. So, Ben does specific work for people that ask him. He'll often take the time to speak to them. He pulls out a little notepad, and he'll have lots of names written down, and beside those names will be all sorts of wonderful things. I'll try and do it... Well, I'll do it Monday morning, OK? GIRLS: Thank you. Take care. Bye-bye. So, my son really loves Superman, so he added Superman to the list, and then one day Sonny went, 'Quick, Dad, he's outside. He's outside!' And we came outside, and Ben was gone, and the artwork was there. The pictures do relate to people's lives ` personal things in their lives. So there's a lot of love messages, rest in peace pictures, dedications for people when people's babies are born. This picture here is for a family from Liechtenstein. The youngest is still feeding, so there's a baby's bottle. I think I've done, like, tens of thousands of chewing gum pictures through London, UK and Europe. I loved doing the picture for your family, cos I did the names of your children... That's right. He wrote the names both in English and in Arabic, as well. The picture was about my kids, because they were abroad, and we were struggling to bring them to this country. We were from Syria. It's very rare that you see someone going out of their way to do something just to make other people happy. You don't really see that these days. Ben's just such an inspiration, you know. He inspires people on the street, and really makes their life feel great. (LAUGHTER) The work hopefully does do something for people and helps make something special in other people's lives. - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - What a dude. Don't forget, if you've seen someone do something amazing, of you've done something amazing, get in touch. Let me know using the hashtag #RHdeeds, and I'll put it on the show. Now, it's time for my guests. Now, they were on the show a couple of weeks ago, and they were brilliant, so I thought I'd ask them back. Please welcome the wonderful Harry and Chris! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Thank you so much for having us. It's nice to be back. We're often told to be afraid of a lot of different things. And we found it a bit overwhelming. So we thought what the world really needs right now is a nice, fun song about fear. (STRUMS GUITAR) (LAUGHTER) # Some people are scared of spiders # Some people are scared of heights. # Some people are scared of posting photos online that don't get no likes. # I'm scared of throwing away my Crocs before they come back into fashion. Back into fashion? Before they come into fashion. # Some people are scared of not finding their passion. # Some people are just scared of dachshunds. Why are they so long? What are they hiding? (LAUGHTER) # Some people are scared of expressing their emotions. # Some are scared to let themselves have too much fun. # I used to be scared that onstage my fly would come undone, but it's something that I've overcome. # See, everybody's had times where they've been quite scared. # One person's dream is another person's nightmare. # To all of you we say 'stop right there'. # Some thing go 'ooh'. Some things go 'hiss'. Some things go... # ...have you done your fly up, Chris? Yup. # It might seem ridiculous, whatever it is. # But you don't have to be scared. # I mean, there's a lot that's scary, but there's a lot that isn't. # There's kids dressed as pumpkins in post-Brexit Britain. # It's what we're faced with, and what we do with it. BOTH: # Fear only has the power we give it. # People are afraid of the craziest things. # Scared of closed spaces. # Claustrophobia. # Scared of teenagers. # Ephebiphobia. # Scared of spicy potatoes. # Aloo-gobi-phobia. # Scared of Jedis. # Obi-Wan-Kenobi-phobia. (LAUGHTER) # Scared of spicy potatoes shaped like Jedis. # Aloo-gobi-Obi-Wan-Kenobi-phobia. (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) # I mean, over the years, there's been so many fears, which may well have kept us alive. # But even though these days we're safer than ever, the papers seem hell-bent on stoking up terror. # Of course terrorism is scary. # But we don't think they need the free press. # Fight fire with fire doesn't make much sense. # Fight terror with terror makes even less. # In the UK you're far less likely to die in a terror attack than getting out of bed. # Or going to work. # Or falling off a ladder. # You're three times as likely to be killed by a ladder. # Those rung-y beasts. # What if they gave the same airtime to ladders as they do to terrorists? # B&Q would be put on a watch list. # Bob the Builder would be accosted. # Window cleaners would have a serious panic. # Cash in the attic would just stay in the attic. # We'd be worse at maintaining properties, but at least we'd be less afraid of minorities. # Some things go 'boo'. Some things go 'hiss'. # We'll show you how easy fearmongering is. So when I say 'ladders', you say 'ahh!' Ladders. AUDIENCE: Ahh! Ladders. AUDIENCE: Ahh! # That's how you do propaganda, kids. # There's a lot that's scary. There's a lot that isn't. # Don't let other people make that decision. # There are swarms of ladders all over Britain. # Fear only has the power we give it. # Cos we're programmed to look out for danger. # But we're no longer living in caves. # And we're projecting that fear on to strangers. # You wonder how we got this way. # I mean, we start off afraid of the unknown. Why does that lead to hating the unknown? # Spend any time investigating the unknown, and it doesn't have to stay as the unknown. # This was a list that took us two minutes... # ...of things that immigrants brought to the British. # Fish and chips. # Chicken Cottage. A cup of Horlicks. # Up to tea at The Ritz. Marks & Spencer. # Whatever world you're in,... # ...we're only coming over if you've got Percy Pigs. # The royal family. # The Mini Cooper. # Love it or hate it, Marmite's the same. # All our ancestors were immigrants too. # So it's technically everything, anyway. # It's a lot easier to be scared of each other than focus on things that we share with each other. # Like spicy potatoes shaped like Jedi. # Some things go 'hiss'. Some things go 'boo'. # Aloo-gobi-Obi-Wan-Kenobi-phobia. # You can choose which voice to listen to. # Aloo-gobi-Obi-Wan-Kenobi-phobia. # Choose love and find the underlying truth. # Aloo-gobi-Obi-Wan-Kenobi-phobia. # You don't have to be scared. # There's a lot that's scary, but there's a lot that isn't. # It's up to us to make out the difference. # Only together can we go the distance. # Fear only has the power we give it. Fear only has the power we give it. # Fear only has the power we give it. # But do watch out for those ladders. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE - Ladies and gentlemen, the wonderful Harry and Chris! - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Thank you very much for watching. Goodnight, my friends. Goodnight! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Captions by Chelsea Thoresen. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2017