1 1 1 . . 'Once upon a time in a magical kingdom known as Andalasia, there lived an evil queen.' 'Selfish and cruel, she lived in fear that one day her step-son would marry and she would lose her throne forever.' 'And so she did all in her power to prevent the prince from ever meeting the one special maiden with whom he would share true love's kiss.' (BIRDS) Giselle, how about this for your statue? This will be perfect! Thank you. (BOTH) You're welcome. C'mon, you mookses, move it. We have a face to put together while it's ingrained in her sub-cranium. Oh, Pip, it was such a lovely dream. We were holding hands, dancing... Oh! And these for the eyes! Blue! Oh, how did you know? And they sparkle just like his. OK, there we go. (GASPS) Yes! That's it. (CHUCKLES) OK, yeah, yeah. Floor's yours, honey. Presenting my one true love,... my prince, my dream come true. (ANIMALS) Aw! (GASPS) Oh, my goodness! Whoa, what? What's the problem? Hmn... I didn't give him any lips. Ooh! Does he have to have lips? Of course! When you meet the someone who was meant for you... # Before two can become one # There's something you must do... Do you pull each other's tail? Ow! Do you feed each other seeds? Oh! No. # There is something sweeter # Everybody needs # I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss # And a prince I'm hoping comes with this # That's what brings ever-afterings so happy # And that's the reason we need lips so much # For lips are the only things that touch # So to spend a life of endless bliss (ANIMALS GIGGLE) # Just find who you love # Through true love's kiss (SIGHS) If we're going to find a perfect pair of lips, we're going to need a lot more help. # Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah (ANIMALS) # Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah # She's been dreaming of a true love's kiss # And a prince she's hoping comes with this # That's what brings ever-afterings so happy # So happy # That's the reason we need lips so much # For lips are the only things that touch Hmph! # So to spend a life # Of endless bliss # Ah-ah ah-ah # Just find who you love (ALL) # Through true love's kiss # Yah! Yey! Look out below! (GRUNTS) (LAUGHS) Amazing, sire! Your tenth troll this month! Oh, I love hunting trolls. Big trolls, little trolls, trolls, trolls, trolls! Ew! Sorry. Oh, that's OK. Ah, trolls are fine to pass the time, Nathanial. But my heart longs to be joined in song. # I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss # And a... '# ..prince I'm hoping comes with this...' Do you hear that, Nathanial? Me? No! I hear nothing at all, Your Highness. (LAUGHS) Oh, I must find the maiden that belongs to that sweet voice! Oh, no, come back, sire. Ride, Destiny! Oh-ho-ho! (SIGHS) '# ..Ah-ah-ah...' No, no, this isn't good. All these years troll chasing, keeping him from meeting a girl. Oh, the queen. Oh, no, the queen. No, she's not going to like this. # True love's kiss (LAUGHS EVILLY) # Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah # True love's kiss (FOOTSTEPS THUNDER) # True love's kiss Oh, you shall not prevail, foul troll! That maiden is mine! Honey, do you really think your dream boy exists? Oh, Pip, I know he's out there somewhere. (ALL STUTTER) Eye-eye-eye-eye... I, what? I eat you now. (SCREAMS) Gotcha! Huh? (SHRIEKS) Hey, that's cheating! I'm supposed to eat you! No, you don't, you big lug! Oh! Oh... Agh! Oh... Wow, I've got to lay off the nuts. Girl, yummy. (GASPS) Fear not, fair maiden, I am here! (GIGGLES / SHRIEKS) Gotcha! Whoa! (SHRIEKS) Uh-oh! Oh, Pip! J-Just hang on, honey. I'm gonna... (SCREAMS) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Oh, my gosh! It's you. (CHUCKLES) Yes, it's me and you are...? Giselle. Oh, Giselle! We shall be married in the morning. # You're the fairest maid I've ever met # You were made # To finish your duet (BOTH) # And in years to come we'll reminisce (WHISTLES) # How we came to love # And grew and grew love (BOTH) # Since first we knew love # Through true love's... # Kiss # Ah, so this is the little forest rat who thinks she can steal my throne. (YELLS) Never! (EXPLOSION) (BELLS CHIME) (CLEARS THROAT) Oh, excuse me. I am so sorry. (GIGGLES) Am I late? No. I do hope I'm not late. Just in time. (GIGGLES) Oh, thank goodness! Wait up. We ain't done with you. Agh! Oi! Oh, thank you. (BIRDS) You're welcome, Giselle. (ANIMALS CHATTER) Ha-ha! Oh, and what do we look like, garbage? Close the door on me! If you'll allow me... In a few moments that Edward and I,... Yes... ..that he and me, that we... (GIGGLES) (GASPS) Oh, my! Oh, what a lovely bride! That's very kind of you. But I really - Oh, no, no! Granny has a wedding gift for you, child. Thank you. But I really should be going. You see... It is a wishing well, dear. Oh, but all my wishes are about to come true. (SIGHS) If I ever see that fat mook's face again, I'm gonna... (GASPS) I really do have to go. A wish on your wedding day, that's the most magical of all! Just close your eyes, my darling, and make your wish. That's right, that's right. lean in close. Are you wishing for something? Yes, I am and they both lived happily ever after... (GASPS / SCREAMS) Oh, help! Edward, Prince Edward, we need help! Speciosus, formosus, praeclarus! (PANTS) My most adored Queen, where did you send her? To a place where there are no happily-ever-afters. (SCREAMS) (GASPS / SCREAMS) Oh! Oh... (CHIMING) Ow! What is this? Ow! (SHRIEKS) (GASPS) (SIRENS WAIL) (PEOPLE CHATTER / HORNS HONK) (FABRIC TEARS) (GASPS) Oh! Oh! Ooh! (HORN HONKS) (SHRIEKS) (CAR HORN HONKS) (SCREAMS) (BRAKES SCREECH) (SHRIEKS) Oh! (BRAKES SCREECH) Get out of the street! Oh! Oh... (SHRIEKS) Hey! Lady, are you crazy? Now you have to pay for all of this. Excuse me. I was wondering if one of you kind people could direct me to the castle. Ooh! Oh! Hey, watch it, will you? Grumpy! Geez, lady, are you for real? I-I think so. Wait! Wait! Where are you going? If you could just point me to the castle... I'm supposed to be at the ball to wed my true love, Prince... Ooh! (SHOUTS) Edward! Edward? (SHRIEKS) Edward! (DISTANT SIRENS WAIL) Edward? Oh, no! Oh, hello, old man! Oh! Hello. May I sit with you? Huh? Oh! I'm very tired and I'm scared. I've never been this far away from home before and I'm not sure at all where I am. If somebody could show me just a bit of kindness, a friendly "hello" or even a smile, I'm sure that would life my spirits so much. (CHUCKLES) Oh, you have a lovely smile. Oh! (LAUGHS) Oh, where are you going? That's mine. Bring that back here! You, come back here! I need that! Oh, please. You are not a very nice old man! (THUNDER RUMBLES) Oh! No way you're getting him, Ethan! You just want him because I do. Well, I'm not letting you have him. Hank is coming with me! Excuse me. I'm getting confused. Who's Hank? Hank Aaron, Milwaukee Braves. His 1954 rookie card. A baseball card? That's what this gets down to, a baseball card. You never loved Hank like I did! You never loved me like Hank! What did I ever do - Excuse me... Yeah. It's time. Ask what you didn't do? It's a longer list! Excuse me. I have to pick up my daughter. Can we do this in the morning? 9:00 sounds good. OK, I'll see you then. OK, I'll see you in the morning. You're just afraid I don't need you! (ARGUING CONTINUES) Thank you. You still want to get engaged? Those people got married on a crazy romantic whim. It's not like that with Nancy and I. No crazy romantic stuff for you, huh? Oh, come on. We're rational. Oh! We understand each other's strengths and weaknesses. Sounds like you're building a bridge. Have you told your daughter? No. But I'm going to tonight. That's the tricky part. I've got her a present. With news like this, I hope you got her a Shetland pony. No. Something much better than that. A book? Oh, don't give me that look. I know it's not that fairytale book you wanted but this is better. See? Rosa Parks, Madame Curie. She was a remarkable woman who dedicated her life to research until she died from... radiation poisoning. She died? (PHONE RINGS) Yeah, hi. Tomorrow morning will be great. 7:30? 'Yes, let me call you later. Yeah, alright.' That was Nancy. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. She's a lot like the women in your book. Sweetie,... I'm gonna ask her to marry me. What? You like her, don't you? We all get along. Where is she gonna live? She's gonna live with us. Do I have to give up my bedroom? No, you don't have to give up your bedroom. It's gonna be great. I promise. It's not like she's gonna try and be your mother. Step-mother. She'll be a nice step-mother. She's gonna take you to school tomorrow for some grown-up girl bonding time. I'm only six. You won't always be. (THUNDER RUMBLES) Oh! Hello! It's me, Giselle, from Andalasia. Hello. Hello. (KNOCKS AT DOOR) Is there anybody home? Hello. Please open the door. 'It's very cold out here.' Daddy, why is there a princess on the castle billboard? It's an advertisement, a mannequin. Hello! She's really there! No, she's not. What are you doing? Get back in here! Stop! Morgan, stop! Morgan! Hey, Princess! Don't you ever do that again. Look, look! Is anybody there? Do you know Edward? Stay here. Oh, please be home! Hey! Lady! Oh, hello! I was wondering if maybe... Oh! Oh! Hang on! (SHRIEKS) Oh, my God! Hang on. Oh, no! Help! (SHRIEKS) Catch her, Daddy! (SCREAMS) (SHRIEKS) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! You OK? I'm fine. Are you OK? I'm fine. What were you doing up there? I was looking for some help. You see I've been wandering very far and long tonight and I'm afraid nobody's been very nice to me. Welcome to New York. Thank you. Right. OK, are you sure you're alright? Oh, yes. Do you need me to call someone? I don't think they'd hear you. What? (THUNDER RUMBLES) Oh! Morgan, show her the way, please. And then the old hag told me to... Oh! ..look into the well and wish for my heart's desire but I must have looked very far because I fell down, down, down and then I climbed out of this big round hole and I got very lost until I fell off of the castle and now here I am with you! Is this a big habit of yours, falling off stuff? Well, usually someone catches me. But not to worry. I'm certain that Edward is already searching for me. No doubt by morning he'll come and rescue me from this strange land, take me home and the two of us can share in true love's kiss. True love's kiss? It's the most powerful thing in the world. Right. Now, if I could only find a place to rest my head for the night. What kind of place? I don't know. Maybe a nearby meadow or a hollow tree. A hollow tree. Or a houseful of dwarves. I hear they're hospitable. All I can do is let you in for a minute, dry off, use the phone. We have our own bedtime to stick to. Let's go. That's very kind of you. Hmph! What is it with this dress? Oh, do you like it? I gathered the silk from my silkworm friends and spun it into thread on my spinning wheel. You made it?! Well, the mice and rabbits did help with the sewing. They're good! Oh! (GIGGLES) Why don't we see about getting you a car? Couldn't she sleep here, Daddy? No, that's a big no. (SIGHS) Are you really a princess? Not yet. But... (YAWNS) ..I will be soon. Wow, Dad! She's really sleepy. Oh, no. That's not acceptable, no. You're not really gonna make her go, Daddy? I want you to go to bed. But I think she might be a real princess. Morgan, just because she has on a funny dress doesn't mean she's a princess. She is a seriously confused woman who's fallen into our laps. So, we're not gonna let her stay? No. Put on your nightgown and go to sleep. Good night, OK. Hi, I need a car at 116th and Riverside, please. "Hold please." Thank you. (THUNDER RUMBLES) "Hello, sir, destination please?" "Sir?" (SIGHS) Morgan. What? I want you to sleep in my room tonight. Why? Just come on. Fear not, Giselle, I will rescue you! Yeah, but who's gonna rescue me-ee-ee-ee?! Alright, let's close it up. Whoa! Hey, buddy - Silence! (ONLOOKERS GASPS) Guys, guys, I've got it. Your name, peasant, quickly. Arty. Are you in league with the wicked old hag who sent my poor Giselle to this foul place, Arty? '(YELLING)' Is this man party to this evil plot, chipmunk? (SQUEAKS) (SQUEAKS / COUGHS) (SQUEAKS) Uh-oh. Aw! Poor chipmunk, speechless in my presence. (SQUEAKS) Don't try my patience. I don't know what you're talking about. I seek a beautiful girl, my other half, my one coquette, the answer to my love's duet. I'd like to find one of them, too. Then keep a wary eye out, Arty. Come along, Pip. Are you OK? Hey, get off the car, you nut! Did you see that chipmunk? . (YAWNS) (GASPS) Oh, my! (TUTS) This just won't do. # Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah (RODENTS SQUEAK) (BIRDS COO) (INSECTS BUZZ) Whoa! (PEOPLE SHOUT) (DISTANT SCREAMING) (GASPS) Oh, my goodness! Are you alright? (BIRD COOS) Oh! (GIGGLES) (BIRDS COO / RODENTS SQUEAK) Hello. Well, it's always nice to make new friends. Alright, everyone, let's tidy things up. # Come, my little friends # As we all sing a happy little working song # Merry little voices clear and strong # Come and roll your sleeves up, so to speak, and pitch in # Cleaning crud up in the kitchen as we sing along # Trill a cheery tune in the tub as you scrub a stubborn mildew stain # Pluck a hairball from the shower drain to that gay refrain # Of a happy working song # We'll keep singing without fail # Otherwise we'd spoil it # Hosing down the garbage pail and scrubbing up the toilet Ooh! # How we all enjoy letting loose with a little la-da, dum, dum-dum (BIRDS TRILL) # While we're emptying the vacu-um # It's such fun to hum a happy working song (ALL HUM) # A happy working song # Oh, how strange a place to be # Till Edward comes for me # My heart is sighing # Still, as long as I am here # I guess a new experience # Could be worth trying for # Hey, keep trying # You can do a lot when you've got such a happy working tune to hum # While you're sponging up the soapy scum # We adore each filthy chore that we determine # So, friends, even though you're vermin # We're a happy working group (PLATE SHATTERS) # Singing as we fetch the detergent box # Or the smelly shirts and the stinky socks # Sing along If you cannot sing, then hum along (BIRDS COO) # As we're finishing our happy # Working song # (SIGHS) Wasn't this fun? Wake up, wake up! What? Wake up! What? What is it? Come, you have to come see! What is it? I can't tell you. Come see! What? What's wrong? Are you OK? Yes. What is it, Morgan? Look! Oh, my gosh! Get out! Out! Who... What do I do with them? Get 'em outside, get rid of 'em! Put 'em back? Put 'em outside! Don't put 'em back! Open the door! Good! Watch out '(HUMMING)' Stay there. But, Dad... Shh! Stay there. Hello. (KNOCK AT DOOR) Come in! Yeah, can I... Oh! Good morning, Robert! Oh! Ah! That's too thoughtful of you. Thank you! Oh, I hope you had nice dreams. I think I'm still in one. This is a magical room. Where does the water come from? Er, oh, well... The water comes from the pipes. And where do the pipes get it? Er, I don't know... From, er, wherever the pipes get it. Oh! It is magical. (KNOCK AT DOOR) Hey, girlfriend. Hi, Nancy. What do you say, you ready to kick it? Kick what? Honey, you still have your PJs on. It's been pretty busy around here. Wow! It's really neat in here. Did you guys get a maid? No, not exactly. Don't worry. My friends will do that. # Ah-ah-ah... Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Agh! (GIGGLES) Nancy? Oh, hello! Who is this? This is nothing. This is nothing! Oh, I'm Giselle! I was on my way to the castle to get married - She's married? No, she's not. Not yet! What does that mean, "yet"? I was just trying to help her. With what, finding the shower? No. The shower is wonderful, Nancy! You should - I'm sure it is. That's enough. Calm down. Let's talk. Talk about what, Robert? How I never stay the night because you have to maintain boundaries. I thought, "He's sensitive!" You were worried about crowd control. Talk later? Don't bet on it. What about taking Morgan to school, grown-up girl bonding time? So, you can have some grown-up girl bonding time? I don't think so. But, just... Goodbye! Oh, she is lovely. Get dressed, please, for school. Just... Please. Nancy! 38 and 7th. Nancy, wait! (GROANS / SIGHS) 'Hello!' You know what, you gotta go. I dunno if you're waiting for Prince Charming - 'Prince Edward!' Whatever! I'll get you to a bus, train, plane, wherever. That's it! I can't get involved after that. Where did you get that? I made it. Do you like it? You're unhappy? You made a dress out of my curtains! Oh, you are unhappy. I am so sorry - No, I'm not unhappy, I'm angry! Angry? It's an unpleasant emotion. Have you heard of it? Oh, I have - You have created a completely unnecessary problem with Nancy. The fact is, I was getting ready to take a very serious step forward, a proposal, actually Oh! Well, now she's got it in her mind that you and I... Kissed? Yeah, something like that. Oh, no. You should sing to her! Sing to her. Maybe that would reassure her of your affections! You need to rush to her side and hold her in your arms and then pour your heart out in a... # Beautiful ballad # And then she'll know for sure. (SIGHS) Why are you staring at me? I don't know. It's like you escaped from a Hallmark card or something. Is that a bad thing? (SIGHS) School! We're late! We gotta run! Oh! (DOOR SLAMS SHUT) Oh, wouldn't she just love to come crawling back here and steal my crown! Cast me aside like so much royal rubbish! What? What? Eh! Perhaps Prince Edward won't find her. Perhaps he will! (GASPS) Oh, dear! Oh! I say... Urgh! Oh! Oh, I do wish there was someone who cared enough for me to go after him. Oh, a man like that, strong and brave, I'd do anything for him. Never fear, my queen, I will stop him! (YELLING / METALLIC CLANG) What the...?! Ow! (MUFFLED MUTTERING) Oh, what now? Another one? Whoa! Get him outta there. Let's go. Where are these people coming from? Come on! Upsy-daisy. Ooh! Get him up. Hey, pal. (YELLS) Let me guess, you're looking for a beautiful girl, too. No, I'm looking for a prince, actually! Right. 'Ah-ha! (LAUGHS)' You've met your match, you foul bellowing beast! Yah! (ALL GASP) (ALL CHATTER) Everybody stay on the bus. Giselle? My love? (PIP SQUEAKS) Drat! The steel beast is dead, peasants. I set you all free. Move the bus! Come on, already. Come on! Get that bus outta there! Are you crazy? Nobody stabs my bus! I'll tear you apart! Do you hear me? Get down here right now! Madam, if you'll allow me... Nathaniel, old friend! Nathaniel? Sire, may I suggest that you... You, a friend of his? Crazy tight-wearing... Mess up my route?! I'll tear you both apart! (SQUEAKS) Don't roll your eyes at me! A rat! Get him away from me! A rat! Well, strictly speaking, he's a chipmunk! Get... (SHRIEKS) Sire! May I suggest we seek elsewhere for your bride? What are you looking at? She's beautiful. It's just a statue! Come quickly. Sam, please don't tell me Mrs Banks is already here. Mrs Banks is here, along with Mr Banks and his lawyer. Perfect(!) How long they been here? Do you really wanna know? No. I need you to handle something. Yeah. See this girl? Who is she? She's from out of town. What do you want me to do? Find out where she's from and get her there. If Nancy calls me, I need to talk to her. Giselle, don't drink that. I have a meeting. Sam is gonna get you home. This is Giselle. Hi Stay out of trouble. Oh... Oh! It's nice to meet you. (WHISPERS) It's nice to meet you, too. (GROWLS) Hmn! Your Majesty? 'Nathaniel!' (PAN LID CLATTERS) 'Nathaniel, here!' (PAN LID CLATTERS) 'Nathaniel!' Finally, finally. I'm boiling in here! (GASPS) Have you found her yet? I'm afraid I haven't, my lady. (SIGHS) Time is of the essence. We can't risk my step-son bringing the girl back. He shan't, Your Majesty, I swear it! No, he shan't. I intend to make absolutely certain of that. But, Your Majesty, how exactly did you... ..ever end up tasting so... Mmm-mmm! ..delicious? (LAUGHS /SNORTS) Poisoned apples, my lady. You mean, you want me to...? Don't you see, my darling, if there's ever going to be a happily ever after for us... Hmm? Happily ever after? Oh, my lady. Mmm, yes. It won't be difficult. It's just one bite. That's all it takes. One small bite to drag her down into a deep and troubled sleep. And when the hands of the clock strike 12, that precious little pretender to my throne will be gone! It shall be done, my lady! I swear it. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Yes. You'll find the girl her at Columbus Circle... Your Majesty? (SQUEAKS) Hello. You little...! (SQUEAKS) Whoa! Hey! Pip! (SQUEAKS) Sire! Please, I beg of you. Don't listen to that insane, little vermin. He's probably eaten some bad nuts. Maybe we should put him down for his own good. Nathaniel, please. Let him speak. But, sire, he's delirious. He's going to tell you... (CHOKES) (COUGHS / SPLUTTERS) Go ahead, Pip. What is it you wanna say? (CLEARS THROAT / SQUEAKS) (SQUEAKS) Nathaniel. (SQUEAKS) Uh-huh, Nathaniel. Nathaniel's glad to have me near? No, no, no, no! Ah! (SQUEAKS EVILLY) Bloop, bloop, bloop. (SQUEAKS / EXHALES) (SQUEAKS EVILLY) (SQUEAKS GISELLE'S SONG) Ooh, ooh, ooh. I know this. Er... (SQUEAKS EVILLY) Apple. (SQUEAKS SWEETLY) No, thank you. (SQUEAKS EVILLY) (SQUEAKS SWEETLY) OK. (CHOKES / SPLUTTERS) (SQUEAKS) Ta-da! You feel you'd die without me here! (SIGHS) . Here we go. Good. Well, I have to say, I really think that went well. There's no reason not to be reasonable. I think we might be in the neighbourhood of a settlement. Excuse me. I'm gonna check on your cars. (GIGGLES) She has no driver's license. No passport. I can't find this place she comes from. What place? Andalusia. Andalasia. Whatever! I've called every travel agent. I don't know if it's a country or a city. Well, it can't be a state. More like a state of mind. She told me it's beyond the Meadows of Joy and Valley of Contentment. (WHISPERS) I mean, what is that all about? (GASPS) Oh, my goodness! Your hair is lovely. Oh, you're beautiful. Thank you. The man who holds your heart is a lucky fellow indeed. Try telling him that. I'm certain he already knows. Excuse me? Are you him? You are very lucky. Just look at the way her eyes sparkle. It's no wonder you're in love. I got it! Excuse me, I'm sorry. Giselle. It's not like that, alright? They're not together any more. I don't understand. They're getting a divorce, separating. Separating? Yeah. For how long? Forever. Mm-hmm. Forever and ever? Shh. Yes. Oh, no. What are you doing? Don't cry. Are you crying? No, she's not. I can't help it. Is she actually crying? It's just so sad. What kind of an operation are you running? This is so unprofessional! Good morning, Phoebe. How are you? If you are trying to manipulate us, you can throw this whole deal out. What is going on here? Who's she? A friend. She's an acquaintance. Robert. Yeah? You begged me to put you on the case and this is what I get? Everybody's upset. Some girl's crying like we're on Oprah. Carl, it's gonna be fine. What is wrong with you? Me? This Kumbaya, Up-With-People routine. Those people are in pain. Of course they're in pain. They're separated forever. Married one day and then they're not. What sort of place is this? Reality. I'd prefer to be in Andalasia. I'd prefer that, too. Get in please. (SQUEAKS) I wonder if we might cover more ground separately, sire, hmm? You by yourself and me with it. An inspired plan, Nathaniel. Where do you suppose I should look? (SQUEAKS) (MUFFLED SQUEAKING) Look, sire! Over there! Oh, Giselle! Run to her, sire! Hurry! Not a moment to lose! (LAUGHS) Giselle! My love! Wait for me! < I try to be nice. You've been very nice to me. Severely punished for it. OK, look, Giselle? I can't help you any more. OK? What? Here's some money. I want you to take it, call your prince, have him come pick you up, bring his horse. I honestly can't handle it. Robert? Just go. I'm so sorry. You've been a very kind friend to me when I had none. I would never wanna make you unhappy or cause you any trouble so... ..I'll go. I wish you every happiness. You have lovely friends. > Would you like to feed the birds? A dollar. > Certainly. (SIGHS) By any chance, have you seen my prince? He was here. Do you really think so? Oh, yes. Oh! Giselle, What are you doing? Robert! Oh, this is Clara. Mm-hm. She saw Edward. Oh! He was on the bus this morning. Uh-huh. He tried to kill me! Wonderful(!) Oh! What are you thinking? You can't just give people money. You did. That's not the point. And she was very helpful. So, what's the deal with this prince of yours? So, how long you two been together? Oh, about a day. You mean it feels like a day because you're so in love? No, it's been a day. You're kidding me, a day? One day? Yes, and tomorrow will be two days. You're joking. No, I'm not. Yeah, you are. But I'm not. You're gonna marry somebody after a day cos you fell in love with him? Yes. Yes! Oh! (GIGGLES) How can you talk about loving some guy you don't even know? Well, I know what's in his heart. Oh, OK. Great. This was is so yummy! I didn't know that food could taste like this. Right. You all done? Mmm. Let me put that out for you. What about you? How long have you known your Nancy? Er, it's five years. And you haven't proposed?! Well, no. Well, no wonder she's angry. Well... Hello, nice lady! You want juicy, sweet caramel apple, maybe? Mmm! No charge for the beautiful young woman. Really, it's free? Of course! Today is free caramel apple day. Tomorrow is free beef... jerky. (MUFFLED SQUEAKING) Well, thank you very much, kind sir. (GASPS) You're welcome, miss. (SQUEAKS) (MUFFLED SQUEAKING) Shut up. People get to know each other before they get married. They date. Date? Yeah. You know, date. You go someplace special, like a restaurant or a movie, a museum, or you just hang out and you talk. What do you talk about? About each other. About yourself, your interests, your likes, your dislikes. You talk! You have such strange ideas about love. Maybe we should do what you would do. You meet and get married. Oh, you forgot about happily ever after. Forget about happily ever after. It doesn't exist. Of course it does. Oh! Uh! Most marriages are considered a success if they manage not to end. Forget about happiness. What about you and Nancy? You know you will live happily ever after? Well, I don't know if I'll make it through today, let alone a lifetime. That's what I'm trying to tell you, it's complicated. But it doesn't have to be. Well... Not if she knows. Knows what? How much you really love her. She does, we just don't talk about it every minute of the day. How? What do you mean, how? # How does she know... # ..you love her? Oh, no, don't. # How does she know... People are look looking. # ..she's yours? Don't sing. Let's just walk. Can we walk? Well, does she? Yeah. # How does she know that you love her? Oh! He knows the song, too? # How do you show her you love her? (DRUMS RATTLE) # How does she know that you really # Really # ..truly love her? I've never heard this song. # How does she know you love her? # How do you show her you love her? Really nice work. # How does she know that you really, # Really truly love her? Let's go. # It's not enough to take the one you love for granted # You must remind her or she'll be inclined to say # How do I know he loves me? # How do I know # He's mine # Well, does he leave a little note # To tell you you are on his mind? (MEN LAUGH / WOMEN GASP) # Send you yellow flowers when the sky is gray? # Hey-ey # He'll find a new way to show you # A little bit every day # That's how you know # That's how you know # He's your love See? I've seen quite enough. Let's go. A ball? Yeah. That would be fun! That would not be fun. That would be fun! That would not be fun. (TRUMPETS TOOT) # You got to show her you need her # Don't treat her like a mind reader # Each day do something to lead her # To believe you love her # Everybody wants to live happily ever after # Everybody wants to know their true love is true # How do you know he loves you? # How do you know... # How does she know... # ..he's yours # Well, does he take you out dancing # Just so he can hold you close? I don't dance. # Dedicate a song with words meant just for you? # Ooh-ooh And I really don't sing. # He'll find his own way to tell you # With the little things he'll do # That's how you know (ALL) # That's how you know # He's your love (DISTANT SINGING) # He's your love Giselle! # I've been dreaming... Oh! (ALL GROAN) # Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah # Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah Take these flowers to Nancy, please? Are you crazy? The birds don't know where she lives. # That's how you know # He loves you # Yeah! # That's how you know # It's true # Because he'll wear your favourite colour # Just so he can match your eyes # Plan a private picnic by the fire's glow-oh-oh (ALL) # His heart'll be yours forever # Something every day will show # That's how you know # That's how you know # That's how you know # That's how you know # That's how you know # That's how you know # That's how you know # He's your love # That's how she knows that you love her... # That's how you know # You've got to show you need her # Don't treat her like a mind reader # That's how you know # How do you know that you love her # That's how you know... # He's your love # (APPLAUSE) Thank you. (APPLAUSE) Thank you. (PHONE RINGS) Nancy? "Thank you so much for the flowers." You're welcome. I'm glad you liked them. "Did I catch you at a bad time?" You wouldn't believe where I am. Sire! Oh, dear, oh, dear! You've fallen on your royal... I know. Agh! Ow! Agh! Agh! Ow! (BIRDS COO) I love them so much. Really? Usually you send email cards with digital flowers. These are exquisite. Where do you find live doves? Oh, it's a long story And these? Oh, we're going to a ball? You don't have to. Are you kidding? It's so romantic, so spontaneous! Good. I can't wait. Good. Great. As far as Giselle's concerned, I'm... I'm just trying to help her. Honestly. You know what? If you say nothing happened, nothing happened. I trust you. So tomorrow night, then. This is so unlike you. (GIGGLES) (TRAIN RUMBLES) (MUFFLED SQUEAKING) (RUMBLING) "..middle of Times Square with that bus driver who was ambushed..." It appears this odd little box controls the magic mirror. (TV) "They were dressed all freaky. Then this chipmunk..." "I've always been in love with you." "Don't you have any self-respect?" "I don't need self-respect." "I just need your lips against mine." "(CARTOON-STYLE MUSIC)" Sire, go back! Go back, please! "How could I love a man who doesn't even like himself?" "Get away from me, Jerry! You disgust me!" "I can't help my feelings for you, Angela." "It's love that makes me act this crazy." (SQUEAKS) "This isn't love, this is infatuation." "Or don't you know the difference?" (SQUEAKS) Shh! Oh, shh! (SQUEAKS QUIETLY) Nathaniel likes the way I leap? (GROANS) (SQUEAKS GENTLY / CHOKES) I'm handsome even when I sleep? (SQUEAKS NOISILY) Sad, little chipmunk. Aw! Deranged from exhaustion. Oh! Maybe you'd like to snuggle in a nice little nook for the night, eh? (SQUEAKS) (SQUEAKS) (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Night-night. Sleep tight. I think I need some air, sire. (TV) "The poor giant got killed. (SOBS)" "I don't like them sad endings." Sire,... do you... like yourself? What's not to like? (SQUEAKS) Ah! Whee! (SQUEAKS ANXIOUSLY) # When the moon hits your eye # Like a big pizza pie # That's amore # Oh, yeah. Here, watch this. Watch very carefully. I'm gonna put it in this hand. (GASPS) Oh! Do it again! Show me! That's wonderful. Show me again! Last time. There you go. There it is. Look. (GASPS) (CHUCKLES) You're a wizard! (LAUGHS) What? This is a very nice place. Yeah. And we're eating dinner? Yeah. This is a date! Yeah. No! No! No, no, no, no, no. We're just, erm... We're just friends. Besides, people don't usually bring their children on dates. Oh! That's too bad. Morgan's a lovely girl. She's very kind and very sweet. Yeah, she's great. What? Does she miss her terribly? Miss who? Her mother. Erm, well, we just... What? We don't talk about it. I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to pry. No, no, no, it's OK. It's just, erm... I don't talk about it, to Morgan or to anybody. Because it was very sad? Not at first. You were in love? Yeah,... yeah. That was the problem. How could that be a problem? Because love, the lovey-dovey version you talk about, is fantasy. One day, you have to wake up and you're in the real world. Well, what made you wake up? Well,... ..she left. I'm so sorry for you both. It's OK. I'm a big boy, I can handle it. It's her I worry about, though. I know she's shy. I know she doesn't have very many friends. I want her to be strong, to be able to face the world for what it is. That's why I don't encourage fairytales. I don't want her to believe in this dreams-come-true nonsense. But dreams do come true and maybe something wonderful will happen. Yeah, well, I forgot who I was talking to. Well, I hope you don't forget. I like talking to you. For the nice lady from a secret admirer. A secret admirer? How come people keep giving you stuff? What is it? It's apple... martini, miss. Oh, apple mar... It looks yummy. Be careful, it's poisonous. You're joking. Yeah. (BOTH LAUGH) (LAUGHS) They creep up on you. I'd be really careful. I'll just have one sip. A sip is all it takes. Oh. Hi-yah! (GASPS) You miserable little... Pip! There's a rodent on the table! Can we get some help here? Leave him alone! Oh, no! He's telling me something! Pip, you're here! Oh! (ALL CHATTER) It's chewing off her face! A chipmunk! Thing's loaded with disease. Oh! (SQUEAKS) Edward is here! I'll save you, Miss! (SHRIEKS) Oh, my! Pip? Okey-dokey! Duck! (SHRIEKS) Let me see your face. Pip! Did he scratch you? Oh, Pip wouldn't scratch me! No! Where's Pip? What? Where is he? The pizza's breathing! Oh, Pip! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (SQUEAKS) Oh, no! (APPLAUSE) Pip. Are you OK? Oh, Daddy. (SQUEAKS) (RUMBLING) Tell me, magic mirror, what is this awful place? Why is everything so difficult? Will I ever find my heart's duet? "A search of the pizza oven did not reveal any rodent remains." "This animal's still out there." "Joining us is the woman who was attacked by this chipmunk." Giselle! "How does it feel knowing this dangerous animal is still alive?" "Wonderful!" "Pip is my very best friend -" "Giselle, why don't we go home?" "Ma'am, just one more question, please..." What villainy is this? "Is this unprovoked attack some new trend?" "Is rodent rage on the rise?" Magic mirror, tell me where she is! "Reporting from 116th and Broadway..." 116th and Broadway! Thank you, mirror! "..I'm Mary Ilene Caselotti." Oh, my goodness, we had a lot of excitement tonight. Were you scared earlier? A little bit. But do you think Pip will be OK? Oh, well, I wouldn't worry about Pip. He is very brave. I remember this one time when the poor wolf was being chased by Little Red Riding Hood around his grandmother's house with an axe. Oh! If Pip hadn't been walking by, I don't know what would've happened. I don't really remember that version. Well, that's because Red tells it a little differently. Good night, Giselle, and thank you for the nice story. Good night, Morgan. Ma'am! You cannot let your dog do that here! You're too late. (BOY GIGGLES) My apologies. (DOOR SHUTS) (CAT GROWLS / HISSES) (HISSES) (DOG BARKS) (SHRIEKS) Oh, Giselle! Look, er, Giselle, that was a nice story about your chipmunk friend and all. Yes. You know, I know what it's like when someone disappoints you. It's tempting to see things the way you wish they were. I don't wish that he's coming, Robert, he is. Right, because the chipmunk told you. Yes. Pip actually said that - I don't know if you're kidding because chipmunks, they don't talk. Well, not here they don't. In lieu of taking advice from a forest rodent, I just wanted to say if it worked out and you decided to stay in New York, I'd like to help. Well, that's very kind of you, Robert, but Edward is coming for me. But what if he doesn't? Why do you keep saying that? Because I deal with this every day. If a relationship has issues at the beginning, it doesn't get better. He is coming! Giselle, I don't think so. No. Yes! I have to disagree. No! No? No. Is that the only word that you know? No! No! Oh, yeah? No. No. No! Oh! I mean, no. Oh, no! "No! No!" Over and over again! Every word out of your mouth is no! It's just it makes me so... Oh! Sometimes you make me so... I make you so what? You make me so, so... ..angry! (LAUGHS) I'm angry! (LAUGHS) Are you alright? I'm angry! I'm angry! (LAUGHS) Ow! Are you OK? I'm... I'm wonderful. (GIGGLES) Are you sure? Yes, I'm,... I'm fine. (GASPS) I'm fit as a fiddle. OK. Good night. Oh, my. Good morning. Morning, Daddy. Good morning. Morning. Morning. You made breakfast. Great. (KNOCK AT DOOR) I'll get it. Thank you. That's a nice dress Thank you. 'It is I, Prince Edward of Andalasia, come to rescue my lovely bride, Giselle!' Oh, my! He's here. Apparently. Oh, my! Oh, my goodness! Oh! Erm, how do I look? Slightly stunned. No, I mean, how do I look? You look beautiful. (GASPS) Giselle! Edward! Ah! (CHUCKLES) Oh! Could you... I'm sorry, but could you just be careful? You! What? Oh! You're the one who's been holding my Giselle captive! Just let's stay calm. No! Have you any last words? You have got to be kidding me. Strange words. No! No! No, these are my friends. Oh! This is Morgan and Robert. This is Edward. # I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss He sings too. # And a Miss I have begun to miss # Pure and sweet, waiting to complete # My love song # Yes, somewhere there's a maid I've never met # Who was made # Who was made (HIGH-PITCHED) # To finish What's wrong? (WHISPERS) You're not singing. Oh, I'm not. Well, I'm sorry, I was thinking. Thinking? Before we leave, there's one thing I would love to do. Oh, well, name it, my love, and it is done. I wanna go on a date. A date! What's a date? Well,... we go out to dinner and we talk about ourselves, our likes and our dislikes, our interests. A date. And remember that you guys can come and visit Andalasia any time. Sure. And if you ever come to town, we should all get together for dinner. That would be lovely. We'll see each other soon. It's not like we're talking about, you know, forever. And ever. So, er... Good luck on your date. Oh, and you with Nancy. And you, it was so nice spending time with you. I'll never forget you, you know that. Thank you for taking care of my bride, peasants. I'm gonna really miss her. Me too, sweetheart. Me too. Oh! Joe... (WIND WHISTLES) (GASPS) I don't know how they found each other, Your Majesty, I really don't. You idiot! But, Your Majesty - I sent you to kill her not save her! Can't you get that straight? I realise you're upset, Madam, but if you could give me one more chance - Another chance? What, do you think poison apples grow on trees? There's only one left! You are out of chances! But, Your Majesty, please. No, forget it, I'm coming there and I will kill the little wretch myself! (YELLS) Oh, pooh. (SQUEAKING) (SQUEAKS) I was thinking about what that girl said about Phoebe's eyes sparkling. I mean, it's the first thing I noticed when we met. It's true. Mmn. (CHUCKLES) Her eyes really do sparkle. Ethan... OK, look. Look, as your attorney... Phoebe? Mm? You can't let a chance encounter with - What if it wasn't chance? What if it was no accident, us meeting her? You guys had problems. Everybody has problems. Everybody has bad times. Do we sacrifice all of the good times because of them? No. (BOTH CHUCKLE) . How did you like your hot dog? Oh! It's not really a dog. They just call it a hot dog here. (GIGGLES) It's quite excellent. Good. Well, this has been a splendid date. Shall we go? Go where? Back to Andalasia, of course. To be married. To live happily ever after forever and ever. Oh! Well, we don't have to go right away. How long do these dates usually last? Oh, well, they can go as long as you want, really. They can just keep going and going, so long as you keep thinking about activities that you could do. Activities? We could go to the museum. Or to the theatre. Or there's this ball. A ball? Yes. There's dancing and music. You like that. Well, I suppose... Oh, wonderful. We should go, then. Giselle? Yes? And then home to Andalasia? Of course. The moment it's over. (GASPS) Giselle! You're back! You're back! Giselle! Oh, Morgan! Oh, Morgan, I need your help. I'm going to the ball and I'm not sure what to do or what I should wear and I don't even know where to find a fairy godmother. I have something better than a fairy godmother. Daddy says it's only for emergencies. This is definitely an emergency. Here you go. You get to carry the bag. Bye. Bye! Bye! Miss. Thank you. Have a good day. And when you go out, you don't wanna wear too much makeup cos otherwise the boys get the wrong idea and you know how they are. They're only after one thing. What's that? I don't know. Nobody will tell me. Oh... So, is this what it's like? What, sweetie? Going shopping with your mother. Oh, I don't know. I've never been shopping with my mother. Me either. But I like it. Me, too. Just think, soon you'll have a new mother. You mean stepmother. It's not true what they say. I have met so many kind and wonderful stepmothers. Edward has a stepmother. Well, I've never met her but I hear she's just lovely. (PEOPLE SHRIEK) (ELECTRONIC FITZING) (DRAMATIC OPERATIC-STYLE MUSIC) (RADIO) "Mr N is on the line, telling us his sweetie is acting distant." "You were saying, Mr N." I've always treated her like a queen but lately I'm starting to feel there's a whole other side to her, like I don't even know her any more. (FITZING) "You need to take her aside and find out how she really feels about you." Hello, worthless. Miss me? (SQUEAKS) Reperio! Lemma. Miha! Ah-ha! (LADIES) Whoo! (LADIES) Whoo! (LADIES) Whoo! (APPLAUSE) (GIGGLES) What is she doing here? I have no idea. I'm surprised to see you here. You said you couldn't dance. I said I didn't. I never said I couldn't. (CLEARS THROAT) Oh! This is Edward. He's my, erm,... prince. And this is Nancy. She's... Well, she's... We're together. Yes. (BOTH CHUCKLE) And this beautiful lady is Giselle, the love of my life, my heart's true desire. Wow. Is something wrong? Oh, just the way you said that. So straightforward. Not a hint of irony. It's very... romantic. Well, thank you. Well, folks, it's that time of night. I'd like to ask each gentleman to invite a lady he did not accompany this evening to dance the King and Queen's Waltz. May I have the pleasure? Shall we? # You're in my arms # And all the world is gone # The music playing on # For only two # So close together # And when I'm with you # So close # To feeling alive # Life goes by # Romantic dreams must die # So I bid mine goodbye # And never knew # So close # Was waiting # Waiting here with you # And now forever # I know # All that I want is # To hold you # So close # So close # To reaching that famous happy end # Almost # Believing # This one's not pretend # Now you're beside me # And look how far we've come # So far # We are # So close... Mind if I cut in? No, of course. # ..If I should lose you now # We're so close # To reaching that famous happy end # Almost # Believing # This one's not pretend... You're sad. Oh, no. I'm fine. I'll get your wrap. # ..So close # So close # And still # So far # (APPLAUSE) Child, is that you? (GASPS) You! You sent me here. I'm so glad to see you. I was so very worried. What a terrible accident that brought you to this terrible place with so much sadness and so much pain. Oh, yes. To never be with the one you love. Doomed to be with another for eternity. Oh, but it doesn't have to be that way. Oh, no, no, no. I can stop that. Yes. I can make all those bad memories disappear. Yes! Just one bite, my love,... ..and all this will go away. Your life here, the people that you met, you won't remember anything. Just sweet dreams... ..and happy endings. But you must hurry. You must hurry. The magic will not work unless you take a bite before the clock strikes 12. Hurry now. Hurry. Hurry. Yes! Yes! Yes! That's it. That's it. Hurry. Hurry. Yes. (GASPS) Out of my way! (PEOPLE GASP) Speciosus. Formosus. Praeclarus! Yah! Edward? Mother? Edward! Yes. Oh, her. I was taking her for a little air. She swooned. Leave her, darling. She's fine. Leave her. Slap her. Give her some water. She's fine. Someone help me, please! You're overreacting. You needn't get so upset, dear. Really. Oh, no! Call 911. Don't pay any attention. Go back to your party. She's fine. Giselle. We have a woman, she's unconscious. I didn't see what happened. Oh, well, she fainted. But she'll be fine. No, she didn't. Nathaniel, go back to the car. I will not. You poisoned her. Ha! She's the evil hag! You did this? She sent the girl here, poisoned her. With my help, I regret to say. Oh, he's lying, darling. Why would I ever align myself with that buffoon? I mean, think about it. Why would I - Silence! You lying, murderous wretch! All of Andalasia shall know of your treachery. Your days as queen will be over! Take my crown? Don't you think that's a bit melodramatic, dear? I don't know what melodramatic means but you'll be removed from the throne forever, Narissa. (HISSES) (ONLOOKER) Ooh! Interio. Ox. Persurk. That's enough from you. You viper. We have to help her. What can we do? I don't know. What do we do? There's no way of helping her. She's done for. True love's kiss. What? It's the most powerful thing in the world. Yes. Yes, of course. I knew that. It's not working! (CLOCK CHIMES) (LAUGHS EVILLY) You'll never save her now. When the clock strikes 12, She'll be dead. (CLOCK CHIMES) Unless... Unless? It's not possible. It couldn't be me. Don't you see? I barely know her. It has to be! Kiss her, Robert! It's OK. (CLOCK CHIMES) Please,... don't leave me. (CLOCK CHIMES / THUNDER RUMBLES) (GASPS) I knew it was you. (APPLAUSE) What did you think? Wonderful. Much better than last year's show. (YELLS) No! The most powerful thing in the world. Ha! I don't think so. (LAUGHS EVILLY) You have no idea who you're dealing with. You want a show? I'll give you a show. Back up and get ready for the main event! You selfish, evil... Speciosus! Formosus. Praeclarus! (ALL GASP) Oh, all this nauseating talk of true love's kiss, it really does bring out the worst in me. Stay back. I've been thinking. If I'm going to remain queen, I'm gonna need some sort of story when I go back. Hmm... What if a giant, vicious beast showed up and killed everyone? And poor, defenceless Queen Narissa, she just couldn't save them. Let's begin with the girl who started it all, shall we? Over my dead body. Alright. I'm flexible. Agh! Let me go! (ROARS) Come along, Giselle, I don't want you to miss this ending. (SCREAMS) (PEOPLE SCREAM) (SCREAMS) Let me go! Agh! Put me down! You're crazy! No! Spiteful, vindictive, very large but never crazy. Ah! Giselle! Oh, my, this is a twist on our story! It's the brave little princess coming to the rescue! I guess that makes you the damsel in distress, huh, handsome? Keep up with me, dear. It's time to take our tale to new heights! (THUNDER RUMBLES) (LAUGHS EVILLY) (ROARS) (SQUEAKS) Pip! (SQUEAKS) You'd like to finally be released... (SQUEAKS) ..to help Giselle... (SQUEAKS) ..to best the beast. (SQUEAKS) Why didn't you say so? (SQUEAKS) Narissa! I'm not going to let you take him! (CHUCKLES) We're coming to the end of our story now. Are you at the edge of your seat, Giselle? (SHRIEKS) Just dying to know how it ends? Pip! (LAUGHS EVILLY) How about this? And they all lived happily ever after! Well, at least I did! (LAUGHS EVILLY) Hmph! (LAUGHS / GASPS) What? (SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) Speciosus, formo... Ow! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! AghhhHHH! (SCREAMS) Agh! Agh! Robert! Hold on! Agh! (SQUEAKS) Agh! Agh! AghhHHH! Oh! Urgh! Oh! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAM) (BOTH GASP) Oh! Ah! Is this a habit of yours, falling off of stuff? Only when you're around to catch me. # Ever, ever after... Why so sad, beautiful lady? She forgot her shoe. Figures. # ..Storybook endings # Fairytales coming true # True... May I? # ..Deep down inside we want to believe they still do... It's a perfect fit. # ..When our secret is taught... (GIGGLES) # ..It's our favourite part of the story # Let's just admit we all want to make it through # Ever, ever after # Ever, ever after # Ever, ever after # Ever after (PHONE RINGS / MUSIC STOPS) Oops! I'm so sorry. (GIGGLES) Wow, really good reception here. Whoa! (CHUCKLES) # Ever, ever after # Ever after # Ever, ever after # Ever after # Start a new fashion # And wear your heart on your sleeve... (BIRDS COO) Come on, Dad! # Sometimes you reach what's realest # By making believe # By making believe # Unafraid, unashamed # There is joy to be claimed in this world # You even might wind up # Being glad to be you # Ever, ever after Here you go, sweetheart. Thank you, Pip. Alright, everybody, don't crowd. There's copies for everyone. Whoo! # No wonder your heart feels it's flying # Your head feels it's spinning # Each happy ending's a brand-new beginning # Let yourself be enchanted # You just might break through # Through ever, ever after # 'And so they all lived happily ever after.' # I've been dreaming # Of a true love's kiss # (INSTRUMENTAL) IMS Subtitles www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2015