TONY: Been a while since I was up here in front of you. Maybe I'll do us all a favour and just stick with the cards. There's been speculation that I was involved in the events that occurred on the freeway and the rooftop-- WOMAN: Sorry, Mr. Stark, do you honestly expect us to believe that that was a bodyguard in a suit that conveniently appeared despite the fact that you historically despise bodyguards? TONY: Yes. WOMAN: And--And this mysterious bodyguard was somehow equipped with an undisclosed Stark high-tech-powered battle-- TONY: I know that it's confusing. It is one thing to question the official story and another thing entirely to make wild accusations or insinuate that I'm, uh, a superhero. I mean, let's face it, I'm not the--the heroic type. A laundry list of character defects, all the mistakes I've made, largely public. The truth is (Russian translation of Tony's speech) I am Iron Man. Hubbub on TV (Breathing heavily) Ivan. (Calls out in Russian) (Coughing) Ominous music (Speaking Russian) (Coughing) Low sombre music (Roars) Ominous action music www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2016 Ominous music continues Sizzling Gas hissing Glass shattering (Laughing) MAN: (Over radio) 2-7-0 at 30 knots, holding steady at 15,000 feet. You are clear for exfiltration over the drop zone. 1-7-9, I maintain left heading 1-6-2. AC/DC: "Shoot to Thrill" # All you women who want a man of the street # Don't know which way you wanna turn # Just keep coming and put your hand out to me # Cos I'm the one who's gonna make you burn # I'm gonna take you down # Down, down, down # So don't you fool around # I'm gonna pull it, pull it. Pull the trigger. Crowd cheering # Shoot to thrill, play to kill # Too many women, too many pills, yeah # Shoot to thrill, play to kill # I got my gun at the ready, gonna fire at will Cheering continues # Shoot you, shoot you # Shoot you, shoot you down # Shoot you, shoot you # Cheering increases # Shoot to thrill! Cheering, whistling Music stops Cheering, whistling Crowd chants: Tony! Tony! Oh, it's good to be back. You missed me. - MAN: Blow something up! - I missed you too. Blow something up? I already did that. Laughter I'm not saying that the world is enjoying its longest period of uninterrupted peace in years because of me. Cheering, applause I'm not saying that from the ashes of captivity never has a greater phoenix metaphor been personified in human history. Cheering (He chuckles) I'm not saying that Uncle Sam can kick back on a lawn chair sipping on an iced tea because I haven't come across anyone who's man enough to go toe-to-toe with me on my best day. Cheering CROWD: (Chanting) Tony! Tony! Tony! - WOMAN: I love you, Tony! - Please. It's not about me. Chanting continues It's not about you. It's not even about us. It's about legacy. It's about what we choose to leave behind for future generations and that's why for the next year, and for the first time since 1974, the best and brightest men and women of nations and corporations the world over will pool their resources, share their collective vision to leave behind a brighter future. - It's not about us. - (Applause) Therefore what I am saying if I'm saying anything is welcome back to the Stark Expo. Cheering And now, making a special guest appearance from the great beyond, to tell you what it's all about please welcome my father, Howard. Cheering, applause Light classical music Everything is achievable through technology. Better living. Robust health. And for the first time in human history the possibility of world peace. So from all of us here at Stark Industries I would like to personally introduce you to the City of the Future. Technology holds infinite possibilities for mankind and will one day rid society of all its ills. Soon technology will affect the way you live your life every day. No more tedious work, leaving more time for leisure activities and enjoying the sweet life. The Stark Expo. Welcome. Cheering We are coming to you live from the kick-off of the Stark Expo, where Tony Stark has just walked onstage. Don't worry if you can't make it down here tonight because this expo goes on all year long. And I'm gonna be here checking out all the attractions and the pavilions and the inventions from all around the world. So make sure you-- All right, it's a zoo out there, watch out. - TONY: All right. - Open up. Let's go. TONY: Hey! Nice to see you. All right. Thank you. - I remember you. - WOMAN: Tony. Tony. TONY: Oh. Hey. Hey, thanks. - Call me. - Hey, hey, hey. Come on. TONY: Hello, dear heart. It would be a pleasure. - HAPPY: OK. - TONY: See you, buddy. This is Larry. TONY: Hey, the oracle of Oracle. - Tony Stark. - TONY: What a pleasure. Nice to see you. - Call me. Call me. - HAPPY: Larry King. - TONY: Larry. Ah, yes. My people, my people. Come on, Tony. There we go. - Pretty mellow. - That wasn't so bad. No, it was perfect. Look what we've got here. The new model. TONY: Does she come with the car? HAPPY: I certainly hope so. - Hi. - Hi. - And you are? - Marshal. - Irish. I like it. - Pleased to meet you, Tony. -I'm on the wheel. You mind? Where are you from? - Bedford. - What are you doing here? - Looking for you. Yeah? You found me. (Clears throat) What are you up to later? Serving subpoenas. Yikes. He doesn't like to be handed things. - Yeah, I have a peeve. - I got it. You are hereby ordered to appear before the Senate Armed Services Committee tomorrow morning at 9:00 A.M. - Can I see a badge? - You wanna see the badge? He likes the badge. - You still like it? - Yep. How far are we from D.C.? D.C.? 250 miles. Tires screech Gavel banging MAN: Mr. Stark, can we pick up now where we left off? Gavel banging - MAN: Mr. Stark. - Please. - Yes, dear? Laughter - Can I have your attention? - Absolutely. Do you or do you not possess a specialized weapon? I do not. - STERN: You do not? - I do not. Well, it depends on how you define the word "weapon". The Iron Man weapon. My device does not fit that description. Wha--What--How would you describe your device? I would describe it by defining it as what it is, Senator. - As? - Uh, it's a, mm-- - It's a high-tech prosthesis. Laughter That is--That is-- That's actually the most apt description I could make of it. It's a weapon. It's a weapon, Mr. Stark. Please, if your priority was actually the wellbeing of the American-- My priority is to get the Iron Man weapon turned over to the people of the United States of America. Well, you can forget it. I am Iron Man. The suit and I are one. To turn over the Iron Man suit would be to turn over myself which is tantamount to indentured servitude or prostitution, depending on what state you're in. Laughter You can't have it. Look, I--I'm no, uh, expert-- In prostitution? Of course not, you're a senator. Come on. Laughter STERN: I--I'm no expert in weapons. We have somebody here who is an expert on weapons. I would now like to call Justin Hammer our current primary weapons contractor. Let the record reflect that I observed Mr. Hammer entering the chamber and I am wondering if and when any actual expert will also be in attendance. (Laughs) Absolutely. I'm no expert. I defer to you, Anthony. You're the wonder boy. Uh, Senator, if I may-- I may well not be an expert but do you know who was the expert? Your dad. Howard Stark. Really a father to us all and to the military-industrial age. But let's just be clear, he was no flower child. He was a lion. We all know why we're here. In the last six months Anthony Stark has created a sword with untold possibilities. And yet he insists it's a shield. He asks us to trust him as we cower behind it. I wish I were comforted, Anthony, I really do. I'd love to leave my door unlocked when I leave the house. But this ain't Canada. You know, we live in a world of grave threats, threats that Mr. Stark will not always be able to foresee. Thank you. God bless Iron Man, God bless America. Scattered applause That is well said, Mr. Hammer. The committee would now like to invite Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes to the chamber. Rhodey? What? Hey, buddy. I didn't expect to see you here. Look, it's me, I'm here, deal with it. Let's move on. - OK. I just--I-- - Drop it. TONY: All right. I'll drop it. I have before me a complete report on the Iron Man weapon compiled by Colonel Rhodes. And, Colonel, for the record can you please read page 57, paragraph 4. You're requesting that I read specific selections from my report, sir? -Yes, sir. -It was my understanding that I was gonna be testifying in a much more comprehensive and detailed manner. I understand. A lot of things have changed today. You do understand that reading a single paragraph out of context does not reflect the summary-- Just read it, Colonel. I do. Thank you. Very well. "As he does not operate within any definable branch of government "Iron Man presents a potential threat "to the security of both the nation and to her interests." I did, however, go on to summarize that the benefits of Iron Man - Uh, uh, uh. - far outweigh the liabilities. - And that it would be in our - That's enough, Colonel. - interest to fold Mr. Stark - That's enough. into the existing chain of command, Senator. I'm not a joiner but I'll consider Secretary of Defence if you ask nice. Laughter And we can amend the hours a little bit. I'd like to go on and show, if I may the imagery that's connected to your report. I believe it is somewhat premature to, uh reveal these images to the general public at this time. With all due respect, Colonel, I understand and if you could just narrate those for us we'd be very grateful. Let's have the images. Intelligence suggests that the devices seen in these photos are in fact attempts at making manned copies of Mr. Stark's suit. This has been corroborated by our allies and local intelligence on the ground indicating that these suits are, uh quite possibly at this moment operational. Hold on one second, buddy, let me see. There's something here. Oh, boy, I'm good. I commandeered your screens. I need 'em. Time for a little transparency. Now let's see what's really going on. - What is he doing? - If you'll direct your attention to said screens, I believe that's North Korea. Gunfire Can you turn--turn that off? Take it off. Iran. No grave immediate threat here. Is that Justin Hammer? How did Hammer get in the game? - TV: Left arm up. - HAMMER: Where's the plug? TONY: Justin, you're on TV. Focus up. HAMMER: (On TV) OK, give me a left twist. Left, turn to the right. HAMMER: Where's the outlet? HAMMER: (On TV) Oh, shit! Oh, shit! TONY: Wow. Yeah, uh, I'd say, um--most countries 5, 10 years away. Hammer Industries, 20. I'd like to point out that that test pilot survived. I think we're done is the point that he's making. I don't think there's any reason to continue-- - Uh, you're welcome, I guess. - STERN: For what? Because I'm your nuclear deterrent. It's working. We're safe. America is secure. You want my property? You can't have it. But I did you a big favour. I have successfully privatized world peace. Applause What more do you want? For now! I tried to play ball with these ass clowns. <Bleep> you, Mr. Stark! <Bleep> you, buddy. We're adjourned. We're adjourned for the day. -OK. STERN: You've been a delight. (Russian translation) Huh? My bond is with the people. And I will serve this great nation at the pleasure of myself. And if there's one thing I've proven it's that you can count on me to pleasure myself. Machine powers up Electricity zaps 1 The Clash: "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" TONY: Wake up. Daddy's home. JARVIS: (Computerized voice) Welcome home, sir. Congratulations on the opening ceremonies. They were such a success, as was your Senate hearing. And may I say how refreshing it is to finally see you in a video with your clothing on, sir. (Chuckles) Ah. You! I swear to God I'll dismantle you. I'll strip your motherboard, I'll turn you into a wine rack. How many ounces a day of this gobbledygook am I supposed to drink? JARVIS: We are up to 80 ounces a day to counteract the symptoms, sir. TONY: Check palladium levels. JARVIS: Blood toxicity, 24%. It appears that the continued use of the Iron Man suit is accelerating your condition. Another core has been depleted. Tony sighs TONY: God, they're running out quick. JARVIS: I have run simulations on every known element and none can serve as a viable replacement for the palladium core. You are running out of both time and options. Unfortunately, the device that's keeping you alive is also killing you. Miss Potts is approaching. I recommend that you inform her of-- - TONY: Mute. - (JARVIS'S voice stops) - Uh-uh. - Is this a joke? - What are you thinking? - What? - What are you thinking? - Hey. I'm thinking I'm busy and you're angry about something. Do you have the sniffles? I don't want to get sick. - Did you just... - Keep your distance. ...donate our entire modern art collection to--to the-- - Boy Scouts of America. - Boy Scouts of America? Yes, it is a worthwhile organization. I didn't physically check the crates, but basically yes. And it's not our collection, it's my collection. No offense. No, you know what? I think I'm actually entitled to say "our collection" considering the time that I put in - over 10 years curating that. - It's a tax write-off. - I needed that. - You know there's only about 8,011 things that I really need to talk to you about. Dummy. Hey, stop spacing out the Bridgeport's already machining that part. The Expo is a gigantic waste of time. - I need you to wear a surgical mask - (Coughs) - until you're feeling better. - Is that OK? - That's rude. There's nothing more important to me than the Expo. It's my primary point of concern. - I don't know why you're-- - The Expo is your ego gone crazy. Wow. Look at that. That's modern art. That's going up. - Oh, you've got to be kidding. - I'm gonna put this up right now. - This is vital. - Stark is in complete disarray. Do you understand that? No. Our stocks have never been higher. Yes, from a managerial standpoint-- - If it's messy, let's double back. - Let me give you an example. - Let's move on to another-- - Oh, no, no, no. - You are not taking down the Barnett Newman and hanging that up. - I'm not taking it down. I'm just replacing it with this. Let's see what I can-- OK, fine. My point is we have already awarded contracts to the wind farm people-- - Don't say "wind farm," I'm already feeling gassy. - And to the plastic plantation tree which was your idea by the way. Those people are on payroll and - Everything was my idea. - you won't make a decision. I don't care about the liberal agenda anymore. It's boring. Boring. I'm giving you a boring alert. - You do it. - I do what? Excellent idea. I just figured this out. - You run the company. - Yeah. - Pepper, I need you to run the company. - I'm trying to run the company. - Stop trying to do it and do it. - You will not give me information that I need-- I'm asking you to physically do it. I need you to do it. - I am trying to do it! - Pepper, you're not listening to me. - No, you're not listening to me. I'm trying to make you CEO. Why won't you let me? - Have you been drinking? - Uh, chlorophyll. I hereby irrevocably appoint you chairman and CEO of Stark Industries, effective immediately. Yeah. Done deal. OK? I've actually given this a fair amount of thought believe it or not. Doing a bit of head-hunting, so to speak. Trying to figure out who a worthy successor would be. And then I realized... Cork pops Ah. it's you. It's always been you. I thought there'd be a legal issue, but actually I'm, uh, capable of appointing my successor. My successor being you. Congratulations. - Take it. Just take it. - I don't know what to think. Don't think, drink. - (Laughs) - There you go. (Speaking Russian) Funky music - TONY: Come on, bring it in. - PEPPER: The notary's here. Can you please come sign the transfer paperwork? TONY: I'm on Happy time. - Agh! - Sorry. - What the hell was that? - It's called mixed martial arts. It's been around for three weeks now. It's called dirty boxing, there's nothing new about it. HAPPY: All right, put 'em up. Come on. I promise you this is the only time I will ask you to sign over your company. I need you to initial each box. Lesson one. Never take your eye off--Uh! - HAPPY: That's it, I'm done. - What's your name, lady? - Rushman. Natalie Rushman. - Front and centre. Come into the church. No, you're seriously not gonna ask her-- TONY: If it pleases the court, which it does. - It's no problem. - I'm sorry. He's very eccentric. What? - Can you, uh, give her a lesson? - No problem. What? - Who is she? - She is from legal. And she is potentially a very expensive sexual harassment lawsuit if you keep ogling her like that. - I need a new assistant, boss. - And I've got three excellent potential candidates. They're lined up and ready to meet you. I don't have time to meet. I need someone now. - I feel like it's her. - No, it's not. - You ever box before? - I have, yes. What, like Tae Bo? Booty Boot Camp? - Crunch? Something like that? - (Clears throat) How do we spell your name, Natalie? R-U-S-H-M-A-N. PEPPER: What, are you gonna Google her now? TONY: Hm? I thought I was ogling her. Oh, wow. Very, very impressive individual. - You're so predictable. - She is fluent in French Italian, Russian, Latin. Who speaks Latin? No one speaks Latin, it's a dead language. You can read Latin or you can write Latin - but you can't speak Latin. - Did you model in Tokyo? She modelled in Tokyo. - Well-- TONY: I need her. She's got everything that I need. Rule number one. Never take your eye off your oppo-- - Whoa! - Oh, my God! Huh! PEPPER: Happy. TONY: That's what I'm talking about. - I slipped. - You did? - Yeah. - (Rings bell) TONY: Looks like a TKO to me. Oh, just, um-- I need your impression. You have a quiet reserve. I don't know, you're an old soul. I meant your fingerprint. Right. - (Clears throat) - So, how are we doing? Great. Just--Hey. You're the boss. Will that be all, Mr. Stark? - TONY: No. - Yes. That will be all, Miss Rushman. Thank you very much. - I want one. - No. 1 TV announcer speaking French Cheering Crowd calling out You know, it's Europe. Whatever happens in the next 20 minutes, just go with it. - Go with it? - NATALIE: Mr. Stark. - Hey. - Hello. How was your flight? It was excellent. Boy, it's nice to see you. We have one photographer from the ACM, if you don't mind. - OK? - Mm-hm. - When did this happen? - When? You made me do it. - I made you do what? - Smile. Look right there. - (Fake laughter) - Stop acting constipated. - You are so predictable. - Don't flare your nostrils. - Right this way. - That's the amazing thing. - You look fantastic. - Why, thank you very much. But that's unprofessional. What's on the docket? You have a 9:30 dinner. Perfect. I'll be there at 11. Is this us? Absolutely. It can be. - Great. Make it us. - OK. - Mr. Musk. How are you? - Hey, Pepper. - Congratulations on the promotion. - Thank you very much. - Elon. How's it going? Those Merlin engines are fantastic. Thank you. Got an idea for an electric jet. - You do? - Yeah. - Then we'll make it work. - (Laughs) - You want a massage? - Oh, God. No, I don't. I'll have Natalie make an appointment. I don't want Natalie to do anything. - I didn't mean to spring this on you. PEPPER: Thank you very much. - Green is not your best colour. - Oh, please. - Anthony. Is that you? - My least favourite person on earth - Justin Hammer. - Hey, pal. How you doing? You're not the only rich guy here with a fancy car. You know Christine Everhart from Vanity Fair? - Hi. - You guys know each other? - CHRISTINE: Yes. - Yes. - Yes, roughly. - We do. Roughly. BTW, big story. The new CEO of Stark Industries. - Congratulations. - CHRISTINE: I know. I know. My editor will kill me if I don't grab a quote for our powerful women issue. - Oh. - Can I? - Sure. Um, she's actually doing a big spread on me for Vanity Fair. - Again. - I thought I'd throw her a bone. - Right. - CHRISTINE: Yes. Well, she did quite a spread on Tony last year. - And she wrote a story as well. - It was very impressive. - TONY: That was good. - PEPPER: Very well done. - Thank you. - I'm gonna... - Don't leave me. - ...go wash. - Hey, buddy, how you doing? - I'm all right. - Looking gorgeous. - Please, this is tough. - Can I ask you, is this... - Fromage. ...the first time that you guys have seen each other-- - Oh, God, it's so awful. - Hey, you guys. Listen, is it the first time you've seen each other since the Senate? - Uh-- Since he got his contract revoked. - Actually, it's on hold. - When you were attempting-- That's not what I heard. What's the difference between "hold" and "cancelled"? - Yes, what is? - The truth? No, the truth is, um-- Why don't we put that away? - Yeah. Why don't we? - The truth is, um I'm actually hoping to present something at your Expo. Well, if you invent something that works, I'll make sure I get you a slot. - Mr. Stark. - Yes? Your corner table is ready. I actually have a slot that's-- Yes, I do. Hammer needs a slot, Christine. HAMMER: We kid. Ha ha ha. We kid. We're kidders. Ow. (Sighs) Got any other bad ideas? Crowd shouting - Tony, yeah. - TONY: Thanks. Car revving Hi! Listen, Tony and I-- Tony--I love Tony Stark. Tony loves me. We're not competitors. Him being out of the picture created tremendous opportunity for Hammer Industries, you know. (Stammers) Everything-- Everything that Tony and I - TONY: What's the use of - do is a healthy - TONY: owning a race car - competi--healthy - competition. - TONY: if you don't drive it? Crowd cheering on TV Is he driving? Natalie. Natalie! - Yes, Ms. Potts? - Did you know about this? This is the first that I've known of it. PEPPER: (Sighing) This cannot happen. NATALIE: Absolutely, I understand. - How can I help you? - Where's Happy? - He's waiting outside. - OK, get him. - I need Happy. - Right away. Tony's--We're-- You know, he--he--he-- We're--We're not competitive. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, can you excuse me? - Can you just... - One second. - ...read me what you wrote? - I just have to-- - I will. I will after. - Just read it back to me. I have to make one quick phone call. - This is great stuff. - I got some caviar coming. I'll be right back. I promise. Car revving Tires screech Ominous music Crowd murmuring Whirring Crackling Crackling, buzzing Eerie silence Shouting, screaming Go! Go! Hang on. (Screams) Tires screech (Commentator speaks frantically in French) Crackling Eerie silence Crackling Ominous music Screaming Gasping - Gimme the case. - Here. Take it. - Where's the key? - It's in my pocket. Car! Electricity buzzing, crackling Tony grunts Uh! Agh! Buzzing, crackling Crowd screams, clamours Tires squeal PEPPER: Oh, my God! Car horn - HAPPY: Are you OK? - Yeah. Were you heading for me or him? - I was trying to scare him. - Cos I can't tell. - Are you out of your mind? - Better security. - Get in the car! - I was attacked! - PEPPER: You're a moron! - We need better security. - Get in the car! TONY: Better security measures. God, it's embarrassing. First vacation in two years. Screaming - Whoa! Tyres screech - Hey! PEPPER: Oh, my God! Oh! - I got him! - Hit him again, hit him again. Give me the football. Pepper screaming I got him! I got him! - Take it! Take it! - Gimme the case. - Gimme the case! - Stop banging the car! Pepper screaming TONY: Calm down. Gimme the case. (Screaming) God! Pepper screaming - TONY: Gimme the case. Please! Come on! - Ah! - Ah! Action music Crowd screaming Both scream Whirring Beeping Grunting Tony groaning Electricity crackling Cheering (Laughing) You--You lose. Ivan laughing (Laughing) Stark. You lose. You lose, Stark. (Laughing) Siren 1 (Speaking French) (Speaking French) Pretty decent tech. Cycles per second were a little low. You could have doubled up your rotations. You focused the repulsor energy through ionized plasma channels. It's effective. Not very efficient. But it's a passable knock-off. I don't get it. A little fine tuning you could have made a solid paycheck. You could have sold it to North Korea, China. Iran. Or gone right to the black market. You look like you have friends in low places. You come from a family of thieves and butchers. And now, like all guilty men you try to rewrite your own history. And you forget all the lives the Stark family has destroyed. Speaking of thieves, where did you get this design? My father. Anton Vanko. I never heard of him. My father is the reason you're alive. The reason I'm alive is because you had a shot, you took it, you missed. Did I? If you can make God bleed then people will cease to believe in him. And there will be blood in the water and the sharks will come. The truth, all I have to do is sit here and watch as the world will consume you. Where will you be watching the world consume me from? That's right. A prison cell. I'll send you a bar of soap. Hey, Tony. Before you go palladium in the chest painful way to die. Knocks (Speaks French) Door clangs shut (Laughs) It--It's just unbelievable. It proves the genie is out of the bottle and this man has no idea what he's doing. He thinks of the Iron Man weapon as a toy. I was at a hearing where-- where Mr. Stark in fact, uh, was adamant that these suits can't exist anywhere else, don't exist anywhere else, never will exist anywhere else at least for five to ten years and here we are in Monaco realizing uh-oh, these suits exist now. TONY: Mute. He should be giving me a medal. That's the truth. What is that? This is your in-flight meal. Did you just make that? Yeah. Where do you think I've been for three hours? Tony. What are you not telling me? I don't want to go home. At all. Let's cancel my birthday party and, uh-- We're in Europe. Let's go to Venice, Cipriani. - (Laughs) - Remember? - Oh, yes. - It's a great place to--to - ...be healthy. - I don't think this is the right time. We're in kind of a mess. Yeah, but maybe that's why it's the best time. Well, I think as the CEO I need to show up. As CEO, you are entitled to a leave. - A leave? - A company retreat. A retreat during a time like this? I'm just saying, to recharge our batteries and figure it all out. Not everybody runs on batteries, Tony. Agh! Device beeping (Speaking French) Crunch Alarms sounding Men shouting Shouting in French Alarms continue sounding Classical music plays softly Hey. There he is. There he is. What an absolute pleasure. Welcome. Oh, goodness gracious. Can we get the handcuffs off my friend here? Forgive me, I'm sorry. I'm such a huge fan of yours. I didn't wanna make a first impression like this. He's not an animal. Come on. He's a human being. Thank you. (Speaking French) We're fine. My name's Justin Hammer. I'd like to do some business with ya. Please sit. Dig in. What do we have today, Jack? Um, we have some salmon carpaccio. HAMMER: Salmon carpaccio. Mm-mm. Anything you want here, we got it. I like my dessert first. Had this flown in from San Francisco. It's Italian, though. Organic ice cream. I got a sweet tooth. Apparently you do too for Tony Stark. What I saw you do to Tony Stark on that track, how you stepped up to him in front of God and everybody that was "Wow!" You spoke to me with what you did, and I know that you knew that I'd be listening. This is why I couldn't bear to have you shipped off to God knows where. It would have been such a waste of talent. But if I might make a suggestion, you know, you don't just go and try and kill the guy. I think, if I may, you go after his legacy, that's what you kill. You and me, we're a lot alike in a lot of ways. The only difference between you and I is that I have resources. I think, if I may, you need my resources. Someone behind you, a benefactor. I'd like to be that guy. Ha ha! Oh. (Speaking Russian) (Continues in Russian) OK. Do you speak English? Because I can get a translator. I--I don't know if you've been understanding everything I'm saying. Very good, man. - Very good, man. - Very good, man. Hey. Huh? Hey. - Yes? - I want my bird. - A bird? You want a bird? - I want my bird. I can get you a bird, I can get you ten birds. (Bangs table) I want my bird. Well, OK. Nothing's impossible. I could--Are we talking about-- Uh, is this a bird back in Russia? 'I'm just so smart.' LAID-BACK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING THINKS: 'Course, we'd have LAID-BACK MUSIC PLAYS THINKS: I blame the ocean. That's what divides us as people. 'I mean, if we drained all the sea from the planet, then we'd be connected.' THINKS: I have two PHDs. Should I go for a third? THINKS: 'I don't wanna throw the sea away. I mean, you gotta keep it; it's` it's of some use. 'Maybe up in space in a bowl.' THINKS: Bit greedy maybe. 'I'm just so smart.' LAID-BACK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING THINKS: 'Course, we'd have to house all the animals. CAR HORN BEEPS 'Ooh. 'Meanwhile, down on Earth, all those shipwrecks could become playgrounds for kids ` 'kids of all nations. (LAUGHS)' TYRES SCREECH LAID-BACK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING THINKS: Ow, my genius head. LAID-BACK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING Yes, but the fundamentals of the company are still very, very strong - Yes. despite the events in Monaco. The AP wants a quote. (Whispering) Tell them-- Um, fax--fax the release. Where is he? - He doesn't want to be disturbed. - He's downstairs. But his continuing erratic behaviour may lead many people to ask themselves can this man still protect us? PEPPER: Iron Man never stopped protecting us. The events in Monaco prove that. JARVIS: Query complete, sir. Anton Vanko was a Soviet physicist who defected to the United States in 1963. However, he was accused of espionage and was deported in 1967. His son Ivan, who is also a physicist, was convicted of selling Soviet-era weapons-grade plutonium to Pakistan and served 15 years in Kopeisk prison. No further records exist. Tony. You got to get upstairs and get on top of this situation right now. Listen. I've been on the phone with the National Guard all day trying to talk them out of rolling tanks up the PCH, knocking down your front door and taking these. They're gonna take your suits, Tony, OK? They're sick of the games. You said nobody else would possess this technology for 20 years. Well, guess what, somebody else had it yesterday. It's not theoretical anymore. Are you listening to me? - Are you OK? - Mm. (Quietly) Let's go. All right. Hey, hey, hey. - Are you all right? - Yeah, I should get to my desk. - See that cigar box? - Yeah. It's palladium. (Grunting, gasping) Is that supposed to be smoking? If you must know, it's neutron damage. It's from the reactor wall. RHODEY: You had this in your body? And how about the high-tech crossword puzzle on your neck? Road rash. Thank you. - What are you looking at? - I'm looking at you. You wanna do this whole lone gunslinger act and it's unnecessary. You don't have to do this alone. You know, I wish I could believe that, I really do, but you got to trust me. Contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I'm doing. This is where we do it. This is my humble abode. You can work in absolute peace. It must be kind of fun to be dead, right? No pressure. Oh, here they are. Very excited. They're combat ready. I may have done a few miscalculations and rushed the prototype into production. (Laughs) Sue me. I'm enthusiastic. Go ahead. Take a look around. Oh, you--you don't want to do that. You'll be able to access that as soon as we generate some encrypted passcodes. Can we generate some encrypted passcodes? Get some of those encrypted passcodes, Jack. Never mind. I-- HAMMER: Wow. OK. Good stuff. (Speaking Russian) - Sorry? - Software shit. Uh-huh. Well-- (Chuckles) - Mmm. - You're good. You really blasted in past the firewall there. Uh-- Let me show you where you're gonna be working primarily. Go ahead, take a look. Get a good look at that. That's something, isn't it? You know, those are really just for show and tell. They're--they're, uh, 125.7 million a pop, so be-- Oh! Gosh. Uh-- (Whispering) Jesus Christ. Get somebody up here to help. Um, that's where the pilot goes. Having a tough time finding volunteers. (Laughs) I'll take care of that. Just leave it. What you want them do? Well, long-term, I want them to put me in the Pentagon for the next 25 years. I want to make Iron Man look like an antique. I want to go to that Stark Expo. I want to take a dump in Tony's front yard. You know what I'm talking about? - I can do that. No problem. - Yeah? Hey! Fabulous. I love it. Hey, this is our guy. What did I tell you? I had--I had a feeling. Do you know which watch you'd like to wear tonight, Mr. Stark? I'll give them a look. I should cancel the party, huh? - Probably. - Yeah. - Cos it's, um-- - Ill-timed. - Right. Sends the wrong message. - Inappropriate. Is that dirty enough for you? Uh-- Gold face. Brown band. The Jaeger. I'll give that a look. Bring 'em over here. I'll take that. Why don't you, uh-- I got to say, it's hard to get a read on you. Where are you from? Legal. Can I ask you a question hypothetically? A bit odd. If this was your last birthday party you were ever gonna have, how would you celebrate it? I'd do whatever I wanted to do. With whoever I wanted to do it with. (Sighing) Yeah. Scratching record 2Pac: "California Love" Yes, sir. I understand. No. No, sir, that will not be necessary. I'll handle it. Sir, I personally guarantee that within 24 hours Iron Man will be back on watch. 2Pac: "California Love" continues Hey, Pepper. (Sighs) I'm--I'm-- I'm gonna go get some air. - What's wrong? Glass shatters - I don't know what to do. - You got to be kidding me. TONY: Huh? Glass shatters Tony laughs - That's it. I'm making-- - No, no, no. Don't call anyone. - Pepper--This is ridiculous. - I just stuck my neck out for this guy. - I know. I know. I get it. - I'm gonna handle it, OK? Just let me handle it. - Handle it. Or I'm gonna have to. You know, the question I get asked most often is "Tony, how do you go to the bathroom in the suit?" - Just like that. Groaning, laughter - Wow. - TONY: This is where I get it. Does this guy know how to throw a party or what? Cheering I love you. Oh. Unbelievable. Thank you so much, Tony. We all thank you so much for such a wonderful night. And we're gonna say good night now. And thank you all for coming. No, no, no, we can't. Wait, wait, wait. We didn't have the cake, we didn't blow out the candles. - You're out of control, OK? - I'm out of control? - Trust me on this one, OK? - You're out of control, gorgeous. - It's time to go to bed. It's time. - I think I love you. Give me a little smooch. - You're not gonna be happy. - You know you want to. - You just peed in your suit. - I know. - It has a filtration system. - Not sexy. - You could drink that water. - Just-- Just send everybody home, OK? It's time to. - If you say so. - OK. I'll take this. You take that. Pepper Potts. She's right. The party's over. Then again, the party was over for me like, an hour and a half ago. The after party starts in 15 minutes! Cheering And if anybody--Pepper-- doesn't like it there's the door. Gasping Cheering Grrr! (Laughs) TONY: Pull. Pull! Pull. Yah! Me! Do me! Do me! All right. Over here. TONY: I think she wants the Gallagher! You got it! Whoa, you got it! Tony laughs RHODEY: I'm only gonna say this once. Get out. You don't deserve to wear one of these. Shut it down! Goldstein. Yes, Mr. Stark. Give me a fat beat to beat my buddy's ass to. (Laughs) Queen: "Another One Bites The Dust" RHODEY: I told you to shut it down. TONY: Now put that thing back where you found it before someone gets hurt. Clang # Let's go! # Steve walks warily down the street, # With the brim pulled way down low. TONY: Really. # Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet, machine guns ready to go. TONY: Sorry, pal, but Iron Man doesn't have a sidekick. RHODEY: Sidekick this! Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock: "It Takes Two" Tony groans - Had enough? - Natalie! - Ms. Potts. Oh, don't you "Ms. Potts" me. I'm onto you. Do you know what? Thudding Ever since you came here-- Whoa! - HAPPY: Pepper! - (She screams) Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here! TONY: You want it? Take it! Grunting and groaning Roars Guests screaming RHODEY: Put your hand down. TONY: You think you got what it takes to wear that suit? RHODEY: We don't have to do this, Tony. TONY: You wanna be a war machine, take your shot. - Put it down! - You gonna take a shot? - Put it down! - No! - Drop it, Tony! - Take it. (Over radio) Edwards tower, this is Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes inbound from three miles east at 5,000 feet. Requesting permission to land at hangar 22. Rumbling Whooshing Colonel. Major. Wow. Yeah. Let's take it inside. ALLEN: Clear the area. 1 Funky music Sir! I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the doughnut. I told you I don't want to join your super-secret boy band. (Chuckles) No, no, no. See, I--I remember you do everything yourself. How's that working out for you? It's--It's--It's--It's-- I'm sorry, I don't want to get off on the wrong foot ` do I look at the patch or the eye? Honestly, I'm a bit hung-over. I'm not sure if you're real or if-- I am very real. I'm the realest person you're ever gonna meet. Just my luck. Where's the staff here? That's not looking so good. TONY: I've been worse. We've secured the perimeter, but I don't think we should hold it for too much longer. TONY: Huh. You're, uh, fired. That's not up to you. Tony. I want you to meet Agent Romanoff. - Hi. - I'm a SHIELD shadow. Once we knew you were ill, I was tasked to you by Director Fury. I suggest you apologize. You've been very busy. Made your girl your CEO, you've given away all your stuff. You--You let your friend fly away with your suit. Now, if I didn't know better-- You don't know better. I didn't give it to him, he took it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now, he took it? You're Iron Man and he just took it? The little brother walked in there, kicked your ass and took your suit. Is that possible? Well, according to Mr. Stark's database security guidelines there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage. - What do you want from me? - What do we want from you? Nuh-uh-uh. What do you want from me? You have become a problem. A problem I have to deal with. Contrary to your belief, you are not the centre of my universe. - Yeah, I get it. - I have bigger problems than you in the southwest region to deal with. Hit him. Agh! Oh, God, are you gonna steal my kidney and sell it? Could you please not do anything awful for five seconds. - What did she just do to me? - What did we just do for you? That's lithium dioxide, it's gonna take the edge off. We're trying to get you back to work. Give me a couple of boxes of that, I'll be right as rain. It's not a cure, it just abates the symptoms. Doesn't look like it's gonna be an easy fix. Trust me, I know. I'm good at this stuff. I've been looking for a suitable replacement for palladium. I have tried every combination, every permutation of every known element. Well, I'm here to tell you, you haven't tried them all. Hey, hey, hey. Special delivery. Candygram. I brought you something. Oh, yeah. Ha ha ha. We got you the bird, pal. This is not my bird. What do you mean? That's the bird. This is the bird, yeah. - The bird. Pulled a lot of strings to get this bird. - This is a great bird. - It's a beautiful bird. We got this all the way from Russia. Hey, man. (Hits table) This not my bird. Well, listen, even if it's not the bird, I mean, this is a-- this is a gorgeous bird. I mean, you know. Look, don't get so attached to things. Learn to let go. Bird squawks Wait a minute. Jack, what is that? Is that--That's not a helmet. What is that? Um... Ivan? What's this? Jack. Is that a helmet? It doesn't look like a helmet to me. H-H-How are you supposed to get a head in there? Jack, can you--could you put your head in there? - No. - Try to put your head in there. Go ahead, try to put your head in there. See, Ivan. He can't put his head in there. That's-- That's--That's not a helmet, it's a head. I need to put a guy in there. I need to fit a person in that-- in that suit. You understand? Drone better. What? "Drone better"? Why is drone better? Why is drone better? People make problem. Trust me, drone better. Ivan-- You know, I like you, I got you the bird. Um--You said no problem. That's what you said to me, you said no problem. Now, I need suits. The government wants suits. Like Iron Man. You understand? That's what the people want. That's what's gonna make 'em happy. Hey, man. Don't get too attached to things. Learn to let go. These drones better steal the show, Ivan. You understand? Better rock my world, Ivan. Unbelievable. This ought to get the Senate off my ass. It's functional? Fully mission capable. Good. Get Hammer down here to weaponize it. - Sir? - Justin Hammer's making a weapons presentation at the Expo. We'd like this to introduce it. Sir, I don't believe that the Expo-- Colonel, the world needs to see this fast. We've got to make this happen. - Yes, General, but-- - It's also an order. Yes, sir. Good work, Colonel. You've made your country proud. Thank you, sir. That thing in your chest is based on unfinished technology. No, it was finished. It's never been particularly effective, until I miniaturized it and put it in my-- No. Howard said the arc reactor was a stepping stone to something greater. He was about to kick off an energy race that was gonna dwarf the arms race. He was onto something big. Something so big that it was gonna make the nuclear reactor look like a triple-A battery. Just him, or was Anton Vanko in on this too? Anton Vanko is the other side of that coin. Anton saw it as a way to get rich. When your father found out, he had him deported. When the Russians found out he couldn't deliver, they shipped his ass off to Siberia, and he spent the next 20 years in a vodka-fuelled rage. Not quite the environment you want to raise a kid in. The son you had the misfortune of crossing paths with in Monaco. You told me I hadn't tried everything. What do you mean "I haven't tried everything?" - What haven't I tried? Well, he said that you were the only person with the means and knowledge to finish what he started. - He said that? - Mm. Are you that guy? Hm? Are you? Cos if you are then you can solve the riddle of your heart. I don't know where you're getting your information, but, um, he wasn't my biggest fan. What do you remember about your dad, huh? He was cold, he was calculating. He never told me he loved me, he never even told me he liked me. So it's a little tough for me to digest when you're telling me he said the whole future was riding on me, and he's passing it down. I don't get that. We're talking about a guy whose happiest day was when he shipped me off to boarding school. That's not true. Well, then clearly you know my dad better than I did. As a matter of fact, I did. - He was one of the founding members of SHIELD. - What? - I got a two o'clock. - Wait, wait, wait. What's this? OK. You're good, right? - No, I'm not good. - You--You got this, right? Got what? I don't even know what I'm supposed to get. Natasha will remain a floater at Stark with her cover intact, and you remember Agent Coulson, right? Yeah. Oh, and Tony, remember, I got my eye on you. We've disabled all communications. No contact with the outside world. Good luck. Please. First thing, I need a little body work. I'll put in a little time at the lab. If we could send one of your goon squad down to the Coffee Bean ...for a Starbucks run or something like that that'd be nice. - I'm not here for that. I've been authorized by Director Fury to use any means necessary to keep you on premises. - If you attempt to leave... - Right. ...or play any games, I will taze you and watch Supernanny while you drool into the carpet. - OK? - I think I got it, yeah. Enjoy your evening's entertainment. Think this is their power source? Major, this is not a scientific exercise. Let's just focus on arming it, all right? Yes, sir. HAMMER: Oh, yes! Oh, yes, yes, yes. Is it my birthday? You guys. What did you do? What did you do? Oh. - Is this what I think it is? - Yes, it is. Hammer, I wanna know what you're gonna do for us. What am I gonna do for you? Well, first thing I'm gonna do for you is I'm gonna upgrade your software and then secondly-- That's not what I'm talking about. Hammer. I'm talking about firepower. Well, you're talking to the right guy. (Crunching) Claridge Hi-Tec semi-automatic 9mm pistol. Too downtown? I agree. M-24 shotgun, pump action. Five-round magazine. You know what? You're not a hunter. What am I talking about? I'm getting rid of it. This is the FN-2000 from Belgium. They do make something better than waffles. It's beautiful, but I can tell this isn't disco enough for you, so I'm gonna put it right here. We're looking at a Milkor 40mm grenade launcher. Teargas, smoke. Hippy control. You're tough. Let me tell you something, size does matter. Don't let anyone tell you different. This is an M134, 7.62 mini-gun. Six individual barrels. The torso-taker, powder-maker. Our boys in uniform call it Uncle Gazpacho or Puff the Magic Dragon. OK. These are the Cubans, baby. These are the Cohibas, the Montecristos. This is a kinetic-kill Sidewinder vehicle with a secondary cyclotrimethylenetrinitramine RDX burst. It's capable of busting a bunker under the bunker you just busted. If it were any smarter, it would write a book. A book that would make Ulysses look like it was written in crayon. And it would read it to you. This is my Eiffel Tower. This is my Rachmaninoff's Third. My Piet. It's completely elegant, it's bafflingly beautiful and it's capable of reducing the population of any standing structure to zero. I call it the Ex-Wife. That's the best I got. Are we gonna do this? Gimme something here. You're like a sphinx, I--I can't read you. - I think I'll take it. - Which one? All of it. All of it. 1 Curious music MAN: (On film) Action. Everything is achievable through technology. Better living. Robust health. And for the first time in human history the possibility of world peace. I'm Howard Stark, and everything you'll need for the future can be found right here. City of the Future? City of Tomorrow? City of the Fu-- Hang on. I'm Howard Stark. And everything you'll need in the future can be found right here. So, from all of us at Stark Industries I would like to personally-- Tony, what are you doing back there? What is that? Put that back. Put it back where you got it from. Where's your mother? Maria! Go on. Go. Go, go, go. All right, I think we got the, uh-- I'll--I'll--I'll come in and, uh-- Are you waiting on me? So from all of us at Stark Industries I'd like to personally show you my ass. I'd like to--I mean, this is-- I can't, uh--We have this, don't we, Philip? This is a ridiculous way to make a living. Everything is achievable through technology. That cannot be very good. Tony. You're too young to understand this right now, so I thought I would put it on film for you. I built this for you. And someday you'll realize that it represents a whole lot more than just people's inventions. It represents my life's work. This is the key to the future. I'm limited by the technology of my time. But one day you'll figure this out. And when you do, you will change the world. What is and always will be my greatest creation is you. Funky music - Hello, sir. - (Speaks Spanish) Uh, seis dollars. Six. I don't have any dough. Can you--Here. - Uh--No, sir, that's too much. - No, no, that's fine. Take this. - That's too much, senor. - It's fine. Take it, take it. Uh--I don't like people handing me things. Can you just drop that there? That would be great. - Are you Iron Man? - Sometimes. We believe in you! It was an illegal seizure of trademarked property. - Ms. Potts. - Relax. Mr. Stark is--He refuses-- I don't. That's fine. I'll just be a second. - Listen, it--It's our position... - Thank you very much. Bambi, is it? - ...that Stark has to maintain proprietary ownership of the Mark II platform. MAN: (On TV) When Mr. Stark announced he was indeed Iron Man, he was making a promise. PEPPER: No, the suit belongs to us. TV: We trusted that he would look out for us. - PEPPER: But you're not-- - TV: He obviously did not. - Now we learn his secretary - PEPPER: Yes, it does. TV: a woman named Virginia "Pepper" Potts has been appointed as CEO of Stark Industries. - What are her qualifications? - No. Ms. Potts is doing nothing to manage-- - TONY: Mute. - PEPPER: No. Bert, Bert, Bert, listen to me. Don't tell me that we have the best patent lawyers in the country, and then not let me pursue this. - I'll get this stuff out of here. - Well, then, tell the President to sign an order. (Sighs) We'll talk about it at the Expo. Hammer's giving some presentation tomorrow evening. Will Tony Stark be there? Will I? - No, he will not. - I would like to be. Bye. - Got a minute? - No. Come on, you just got off the phone, you're fine. 30 seconds. - 29 - OK. I, um-- 28 I was just driving over here and I thought I was coming to basically apologize, but I'm not. Oh, you didn't come here to apologize? Look, that goes without saying, and I'm working on that. But I haven't been entirely, uh, upfront with you, and I just want to try to make good--Can I move this? This is--This is crazy. It's like a Ferris wheel going. - I'm trying to get some-- - No. Tony clears throat Do you know how short life is? And if I never got to express-- and by the way, this is somewhat revelatory to me. I don't care--I mean, I care, it would be nice-- I'm not expecting you to--to-- Look, here's what I'm trying to say, I'm just gonna say it. Let me just stop you right here, OK? Because if you say "I" one more time I'm gonna actually hurl something at your head - I think. - I mean, I-- I am trying to run a company. Do you have any idea what that entails? - Yes. - People are relying on you to be Iron Man and you disappeared and all I'm doing is putting out your fires and taking the heat for it. I am trying to do the job that you were meant to do. Did you bring me strawberries? Did you know that there is only one thing on earth - that I'm allergic to? - Allergic to. Strawberries. Mm-hm. This is progress, Pepper. I knew there was a correlation between you and this. - I need you... - I need you too. - ...to leave. - That's what I'm trying to s-- Now. Ms. Potts. Hi. Come--Come on in. Wheels up in 25 minutes. PEPPER: Thank you. - Anything else, boss? - TONY: I'm good. But` - I'll be just a another minute. I lost both the kids in the divorce. (Laughs) That's a-- No. (Clears throat) Are you blending in well here, Natalie? Here at Stark Enterprises? Your name is Natalie, isn't it? I thought you two didn't get along. - No, that's not so. It's just me you don't care for. No? Nothing. Actually, while you're here, maybe you and Natalie could discuss the matter of the personal belongings. Absolutely. - I'm surprised you can keep your mouth shut. - Boy, you're good. You are mind-blowingly duplicitous. How do you do it? You're a triple imposter. I've never seen anything like it. Is there anything real about you? Do you even speak Latin? Fallaces sunt rerum species. Which means? Wait. What? What did you just say? It means you can either drive yourself home or I can have you collected. You're good. Determined music Jarvis, could you kindly vacuform a digital wireframe? I need a manipulatable projection. (Clicks fingers) JARVIS: 1974 Stark Expo model scan complete, sir. Uh, how many buildings are there? JARVIS: Am I to include the Belgian waffle stands? Oh, that was rhetorical. Just show me. TONY: Uh-huh. Um-- What does that look like to you, Jarvis? Not unlike an atom. In which case the nucleus would be here. Highlight the uni-sphere. Lose the footpaths. Get rid of 'em. JARVIS: What is it you're trying to achieve, sir? I'm discovering--Uh, correction. I'm rediscovering a new element, I believe. Lose the landscaping, the shrubbery, the trees. Parking lots, exits, entrances. Structure the protons and the neutrons using the pavilions as a framework. Music peaks, fades Reflective music Dead for almost 20 years, still taking me to school. (Laughs) JARVIS: The proposed element should serve as a viable replacement for palladium. Thanks, Dad. JARVIS: Unfortunately, it is impossible to synthesize. TONY: Uh-huh? Get ready for a major remodel, fellas. We're back in hardware mode. Uh! Rock music Pounding Rock music continues Ratchet clicks I heard you broke the perimeter. Uh, yeah. That was, like, three years ago. Where you been? - I was doing some stuff. - Yeah, well, me too. And it worked. Hey, I'm playing for the home team, Coulson. You and all your Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers. Now are you gonna let me work or break my balls? What's this doing here? That's it. - Bring that to me. - You know what this is? It's exactly what I need to make this work. Lift the coil. Go! Go! Put your knees into it. There you go. And - ...drop it. - OK. Perfectly level. (Sniffs) I'm busy. What do you want? Nothing. Goodbye. - I've been reassigned. - Oh. Director Fury wants me in New Mexico. Fantastic. Land of Enchantment. - So I'm told. - Secret stuff. - Something like that. - Hm. - Good luck. - Bye. - Thanks. - We need you. Yeah. More than you know. Not that much. Rock music JARVIS: Initializing prismatic accelerator. Whirring JARVIS: Approaching maximum power. Whoops. Whirring stops (Breathing heavily) That was easy. JARVIS: Congratulations, sir. You have created a new element. Beeping JARVIS: Sir, the reactor has accepted the modified core. I will begin running diagnostics. Phone rings Hey, Ivan. HAMMER: I got Senator Stern here. Thought we'd swing over and look at some of the drone designs. The drone is not going to be ready. Not ready. What do you mean? I can make presentation, not demonstration. What the hell is the difference? Presentation-- no flying, no shooting. Well, wait, wait, wait. Well, what can you make 'em do? I mean, this is a weapons demonstration. I can make salute. You can make salute? What do you mean, "make salute"? HAMMER: What the hell does that mean, Ivan? This is not what we agreed to, OK? You promised me suits and then you promised me drones. Hey, man. Everything will be OK. HAMMER: This is not what I wanted. - (Turns off phone) Hey. There he is. It's the bird man. Oh, now you like the bird. Is that right? Is that your bird? I'm confused. You said it wasn't, but now it looks like you're best of pals. You love that bird, don't you? You know what? Take the bird. Squawks Squawks louder IVAN: Hey! Bird continues squawking Take his pillows too. Both of them. And his shoes. Take his shoes. I took your stuff. How does that make you feel? Do you feel bad? Good. Cos that's how I feel! We had a contract! I saved your life, and you give me suits. That was our deal. And you did not deliver. I don't know if you're a genius or a fraud. I don't know what you are. Something really, really great fell into my lap. And if it hadn't, I'd be at your mercy tonight. Now I have a piece of Stark tech that I pimped out myself. And now your overpriced paperweights are gonna look like a backdrop to my demonstration. You dig what I'm getting at here? (Speaking Russian) (Laughs) I don't know if you know this, but I don't speak Russian! I'm gonna leave now. I'm gonna go to the Expo. Maybe I'll even get laid. See these guys? They're your babysitters. They are not to be trifled with. When I get back, we're gonna renegotiate the terms of our agreement. And you're gonna make good on our arrangement. Because if you don't, you're gonna be exactly what you were when I found you-- a dead man. You got that? Maybe you can watch me on TV. Door opens Door shuts Hm! 'Tintin and Haddock off on an adventure.' THINKS: Maybe wait for his birthday LAID-BACK MUSIC PLAYS THINKS: Man, Steve's really smelly. 'Ooh, sort that out. 'He smells like a teenager's watch band. 'Oh, thanks, mate.' LAID-BACK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING THINKS: I look like Tintin. It's cool. 'Tintin.' THINKS: Uh, how do you tell a guy he smells? Do you have a smell intervention? 'That's pretty cruel.' THINKS: Actually, Jason looks like Captain Haddock. 'Tintin and Haddock off on an adventure.' THINKS: Maybe wait for his birthday and go, "Happy birthday, Steve. CAR HORNS BEEP '"You`" Ooh, sorry. 'And for a present you give him a deodorant and soap 'and a` "Oh, here's a nice necklace. It's actually a car deodoriser. Pop that round your neck, mate."' TYRES SCREECH LAID-BACK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING THINKS: Oh, good one, Captain (!) LAID-BACK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING 1 TONY: Dummy. You. Can we clean up this mess? You're killing me, you know I don't-- JARVIS: Incoming call with a blocked number, sir. Phone privileges reinstated. Lovely. Coulson, how's Land of Enchantment? IVAN: Hey, Tony. How are you doing? - (Laughs) I double cycle. - What? You told me double cycles, more power. Good advice. You sound pretty sprightly for a dead guy. IVAN: You too. (Laughs) - TONY: Trace him. - JARVIS: Sir. Now the true history of Stark name will be written. - Jarvis, where is he? JARVIS: Accessing the Oracle grid. Eastern seaboard. What your father did to my family over 40 years I will do to you in 40 minutes. Sounds good. Let's get together and hash it out. JARVIS: Tri-state area. Manhattan and outlying boroughs. I hope you're ready. Disconnected tone JARVIS: Call trace incomplete. - JARVIS: Sir! - You wanna run some tests? Run 'em. And assemble the suit while you're at it. Put it together now. JARVIS: We are unclear as to the effects-- - I don't want to hear it, Jarvis. (Coughs) Oh! That tastes like coconut. And metal. Oh, wow! Yeah! HAPPY: I'll keep the car down here, all right? Thank you, Happy. MAN: (Over PA) Justin Hammer. His presentation will begin shortly in the main pavilion. Cheering and applause Average White Band: "Pick Up The Pieces" HAMMER: Yeah! That's what I'm talking about. Thanks for coming. Ladies and gentlemen, for far too long this country has had to place its brave men and women in harm's way. But then the Iron Man arrived, and we thought the days of losing lives were behind us. Sadly that technology was kept out of reach. That's not fair. That's not right. And it's just too bad. Oh, Lord. HAMMER: Regardless, it was an impressive innovation, one that grabbed headlines the world over. But today, my friends, the press is faced with quite a different problem. They are about to run out of ink. Faint applause Get that out of here. (Clears throat) Ladies and gentlemen, today I present to you the new face of the United States military ` the Hammer drone! Army! Applause Military march music Navy! Air Force! Marines! Applause continues Cheering HAMMER: Yeah-heh! Yeah! Whoo! That's a hell of a lot better than some cheerleaders, let me tell you. But as revolutionary as this technology is there will always be a need for man to be present in the theatre of war. Ladies and gentleman, today I am proud to present to you the very first prototype in the Variable Threat Response Battlesuit and its pilot ` Air Force Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes! What? Cheering For America and its allies, Hammer Industries is reporting for-- Rumbling Cheering TONY: We got trouble. RHODEY: Tony, there are civilians present. I'm here on orders, let's not do this right now. TONY: Give 'em a wave. Hey! All right! Yeah! TONY: All these people are in danger. We got to get them out of here. You got to trust me for the next five minutes. RHODEY: Yeah, I tried that. I got tossed around your house, remember? Listen. I think he's working with Vanko. Vanko's alive? HAMMER: Huh? Yeah! TONY: Where is he? HAMMER: What? TONY: Where's Vanko? - Who? - TONY: Tell me. What are you doing here, man? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Is that you? - RHODEY: No. I'm not doing that. That's not me. I can't move. I'm--I'm locked up. I'm locked up! Get out of here! Go! This whole system's been compromised. Screaming - TONY: Let's take it outside. Screaming No. No. No! Jarvis, break in. I need to own him. JARVIS: Yes, sir. Tony, Tony. I'm locked on. I have target lock. - On what? - On you! RHODEY: Tony, on your six. Screaming - What's going on? What's happening? - The software's been overridden. What? What do you mean, it's been overridden? - I think he slaved the drones. - That's impossible. - Call the guards. - All the phones are down, sir. Well, then, call their--call their cells. The cell phones are not working either, sir. He's locked us out of the mainframe. Who's locked you out of the mainframe? Please, please, go away, go away. I've got this handled. - Have you now? - Yes, I do. In fact, if your guy hadn't showed up, this wouldn't be happening. So, please now, go away! Thank you. Listen, we got to get these bitches out of here. - Agh! Agh! - PEPPER: Oh! NATALIE: You tell me who's behind this. Who's behind this? Iv--Iv--Ivan! Ivan Vanko. Where is he? He's at my facility. Agh! Hammer panting - I need NYPD, please. - No, no, no! No, no, honey. - Command Central. - Don't call the authorities. - OK, right away. Right away. - Step aside. Step aside. - Honey-- Tell me everything you know. Go. - How are we doing, Jarvis? JARVIS: Remote reboot unsuccessful. Shouting, screaming Nobody's answering their phone. What's going on? Get in the car. Take me to Hammer Industries. - I'm not taking you anywhere. - Fine. You want me to drive? No. I'm driving. Get in the car! Screaming Screaming Action music swells Nice work, kid. RHODEY: Tony, you got multiples coming in on you. - Let's get this away from the Expo. Tires screeching When we arrive, I need you to watch the perimeter. I'm gonna enter the facility and take down the target. Car horns - Watch the road. - I got it, I got it. Car alarm beeps Multiple car alarms Listen, listen. A pack just peeled off. - They're headed back to the Expo. - Got it. RHODEY: I'm closing on you! Ordnance coming in hot, Tony! Watch it. - Stay in the car. - I'm not staying in the car. I said stay in the car. What are you wearing? Look, I'm not letting you go in there alone. You wanna help? Keep the car running. - OK. Alarm sounds Hey, hey, hey! You can't come in here. MAN: Hold on! Hey! Screaming Grunting Each set of drones is--is communicating in its own unique language. Well, choose one and focus on that. Have you tried Russian? Why don't you try Russian? Aaagh! Aaagh! Aagh! I got him! 1 Suspenseful music - Rhodey, are you still locked on? - Yeah. - Drop your socks and grab your Crocs, we're about to get wet on this ride. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Music swells NATALIE: He's gone. Sorry, buddy, had to thin out the herd. What's your 20? Agh! Both grunting What are you doing? I'm rebooting Rhodey's suit. Grunting Tony! Powering down NATALIE: Reboot complete. You got your best friend back. TONY: Thank you very much, Agent Romanoff. Well done with the new chest piece. I'm reading significantly higher output and your vitals all look promising. TONY: Yes, for the moment I'm not dying. Thank you. PEPPER: What do you mean you're not dying? Did you just say you're dying? - TONY: That you? Uh, no. I'm not. Not anymore. - What's--What's going on? - I was going to tell you. - I didn't want to alarm you. - You were gonna tell me? You really were dying? - You didn't let me. - Why didn't you tell me that? I was gonna make you an omelette and tell you. Hey, hey. Save it for the honeymoon. You got incoming, Tony. Looks like the fight's coming to you. - Great. Pepper-- - PEPPER: Are you OK now? I am fine. Don't be mad. I will formally apologize... - PEPPER: I am mad. - ... when I'm not fending off a Hammeroid attack. PEPPER: Fine. - We could have been in Venice. Oh, please! (Muffled) Rhodes! Snap out of it, buddy. I need you. They're coming. Come on, let's roll. Get up. Oh, man, you can have your suit back. You OK? Yeah, thanks. - Tony, look, I'm sorry. OK? - Don't be. No, I should have trusted you more. I'm the one who put you in this position. Forget it. No, it's your fault. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Thank you. That's all I want to hear. Partner. They're coming in hot. Any second. What's the play? Well, we wanna take the high ground, OK? So let's put the biggest gun up on that ridge. Got you. Where do you want to be? - Where are you going? - What are you talking about? - I meant me. - You have a big gun. - You are not the big gun. - Tony, don't be jealous. - No, it's subtle, all the bells and whistles. - Yeah, it's called being a bad-ass. Fine. All right. You go up top, I'll draw 'em in. Well, don't stay down here. This is the worst place to be. - OK. You got a spot. Where's mine? - It's the kill box, Tony, OK? - This is where you go to die. Glass shattering Ominous music Rapid beeping - You see that? - Yeah, yeah. Nice. TONY: Rhodey! Get down! Wow. I think you should lead with that next time. Yeah, sorry, boss. I can only use it once. It's a one-off. I told you that five minutes ago. - That's your guy here. - Excuse me? Sir, you're placed under arrest. - Are you kidding me? - Hands behind your back, sir. I'm trying to help here. (Laughs) I get it. I see what you're doing. Trying to pin this on me, huh? That's good. That's good. You're starting to think like a CEO taking out the competition. - I like that. - Let's go. You think you're making a problem for me? I'm gonna make a problem for you. I'm gonna be seeing you again. Real soon. When they get here, I think you should station them at the southeast and both west exits. We shut down the 7 train in and out of Willets Point already. Well, have city buses there to ferry people to operating lines. Yeah. You coming with us? - (Sighs) No. I'm gonna stay till the park is clear. - OK. NATALIE: Heads up. You got one more drone incoming. This one looks different. NATALIE: Repulsor signature is significantly higher. Whooshing Good to be back. RHODEY: Oh, this ain't gonna be good. Crackling RHODEY: I got something special for this guy. I'm gonna bust his bunker with the Ex-Wife. TONY: With the what? Whirring Beeping Fart sound TONY: Hammer tech? RHODEY: Yeah. TONY: I got this. Uh! Grunting TONY: Aaagh! Grunts Agh! TONY: Rhodes! I got an idea. You wanna be a hero? What? TONY: I could really use a sidekick. - Put your hand up. - RHODEY: This is your idea? TONY: Yep. RHODEY: I'm ready, I'm ready. Go, go, go! Whirring TONY: Take it! Glass shatters You lose. Beeping Rapid beeping All these drones are rigged to blow. We got to get out of here, man. Pepper! Beeping Beeping intensifies Ohhh! Triumphant music Tony grunting, Pepper screaming PEPPER: Oh. Oh. Oh, my God! I can't take this anymore. - You can't? - I can't take this. - Look at me. - My body literally cannot handle the stress. I never know if you're gonna kill yourself or--or wreck the whole company. I think I did OK. Sirens, Explosions in distance I--I quit, I'm resigning. That's it. What did you just say? You're done? Surprising. No, it's not surprising. I got it. You don't have to make any excuses. I--I'm not making any excuses. Well, you actually were just making excuses. - No, I wasn't making excuses. - You don't have to. Listen. Hey, hey. - I'm actually very justified. - You deserve better. - Well-- You've taken such good care of me. I've been in a tough spot and you got me through it, so-- - Right? - Thank you. - Yeah. - Thank you for understanding. - Yeah, yeah. Let's talk-- - Let's talk clean-up. - I'll handle the transition. - It'll be smooth. - OK. What about the press? Because you only had the job for a week. - That's gonna seem-- - With you it's like dog years. - I know. - I mean, it's like the President-- Weird? - No, it's not weird. - It's OK, right? - Yeah. - Run that by me again. I think it was weird. You guys look like two seals fighting over a grape. - I had just quit, actually-- - Yeah, so we're not-- You don't have to do that. I--I heard the whole thing. - You should get lost. - I was here first. Get a roof. (Laughs) I thought you were out of one-liners. There's the last one. - You kicked ass back there, by the way. - Thank you. You too. Listen. My car got taken out in the explosion, so I'm gonna have to hang on to your suit for a minute, OK? Not OK. Not OK with that. Wasn't a question. - How are you gonna resign if I don't accept? - (Laughs) TONY: Hm? I don't think I want you looking at that. I'm not sure it pertains to you anymore. Now, this, on the other hand, is Agent Romanoff's assessment of you. Read it. Uh... "Personality review. Mr. Stark displays compulsive behaviour." In my own defence, that was last week. "Prone to self-destructive tendencies." I was dying. I mean, please. And aren't we all? "Textbook "narcissism"? Agreed. OK. Here it is. Uh-- "Recruitment assessment for Avenger Initiative. "Iron Man--yes." I got to think about it. Read on. "Tony Stark not"-- Not recommended? That doesn't make any sense. How can you approve me, but not approve me? I got a new ticker. I'm--I'm trying to do right by, uh, Pepper. I'm in a-- a stable-ish relationship. Which leads us to believe at this juncture we'd only like to use you as a consultant. You can't afford me. Then again, I will waive my customary retainer in exchange for a small favour. Rhodey and I are being honoured in Washington and we need a presenter. I'll see what I can do. It is my honour to be here today to present these distinguished awards to Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes and Mr. Tony Stark who is, of course, a national treasure. Thank you, Lieutenant Colonel, for such an exceptionally distinguished performance. - You deserve this. - Thank you, sir. Mr. Stark, thank you for such an exceptionally distinguished performance. You deserve this. Ow! Oh. Sorry. Funny--how annoying a little prick can be, isn't it? Let's get a photo. AC/DC: "Highway To Hell" Applause # Season ticket on a one way ride. # Askin' nothin'. Leave me be. ominous tones ominous music swells Sir. We found it. thunder booms