FUNKY FLUTE MUSIC Captions by Pippa Jefferies. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2016 # La, la-la, la, la, la, la, # la-la, la, la, la-la. # La, la-la, la, la-la. # FUNKY MUSIC ENDS CURIOUS MUSIC When people ask me, 'Where are you from?' what they mean is, 'You're an outsider.' When I look in the mirror, I see the eyes of my mother and the skin of my father. But identity isn't just skin deep. UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC My name is Alice Canton, and I am an actor and a theatre artist. FUNKY MUSIC My dad is fourth generation Pakeha, and my mum is Chinese-Malaysian. They met over in Sarawak and married in the 1970s. My sisters and I grew up on the West Coast of the South Island in Aotearoa. Growing up in a small town, it wasn't so fun for a half-Chinese, half-white kid. It was easier for me to deny the Asian in me and try and fit in, but when someone says to me, 'Oh, I don't even see you as Chinese,' a little part of me dies on the inside. It's about coming to terms with the complexity of my ethnicity. FUNKY MUSIC I've created work to critical acclaim, including Orangutan, which was a work I created while I was travelling through South-east Asia. Orangutan uses the tradition of mask to create a dialogue with the audience. Now I'm ready to take the mask off and have a much more confrontational conversation with the audience. I wanna use my voice as an actor to challenge a system that favours white identity over all else, and I want to provoke the audience so they would consider how complicit they are in this racist society. This is what my new play is about. MUSIC DISTORTS, STOPS PERCUSSIVE MUSIC So, I know my work is called White/Other and that it's based on the frustrations I have with the inherent racial basis we have in our society. This play is going to be an experimental theatre work. I'm not quite sure what form it's going to take, so I'm meeting with my directors to clarify my ideas. It's about me straddling these two cultures and that whole thing of, like, when you go like, 'What racial identity are you?' or whatever, and you go like` Or they say like, 'Tick one,' and there's, like, a whole massive list, and you're like, 'Oh, I can't tick two boxes.' And so I just, like, tick 'other'. And it feels like every time I do that, it really... sucks. (LAUGHS) Yeah. Like, the box for me is a metaphor for not fitting in. I never get asked how my family came to this country as, like, the first encounter I have, so I don't have to prove that I belong in NZ. So for me I never really thought too much about ticking a box on a` like, a census or anything. So I think about at primary school getting, like, racial slurs, like, thrown at me as a kid, like ching-chong or that kind of bulling. And is that where this list is sort of coming from for you? Yeah. Like, these are the things that people say to me all the time. 'Hardworking, disciplined, humble, polite, respectful, respectable,' < but also mixed in with, like, the stuff that's negative. It's like, 'Outside, foreign, alien,' you know, all that kind of stuff. 'Just have a break. It's like you're hardworking Chinese. Just, like, chill out.' And I go, 'Is it cos I'm Chinese or is it just cos I'm hardworking?' Well, it's, like, where do you wanna end it and then how do we get to it? Cos I want people` I think I want it to kind of disarm people a little. Yeah, kind of, like... yeah, whatever that word that's like a, um` what is that word? It's like uncomfortable or... this. This is a word. (EXHALES) OK. So in terms of, like, moving forward with this bit, because you are unclear on exactly what you need the audience to be going through, is it important for you now to go` to do research more into this particular bit? Mm. Yeah, I need to do a little bit more work just to clarify what it is I want to say. I don't want the audience to feel sorry for me or watch the show and be like, 'Poor Alice,' because it's so much more beyond me and my experience but about something much greater and something that has a wider social impact. I wanna make this work because I want to make a work that creates change and creates meaningful change. REFLECTIVE MUSIC FUNKY MUSIC My mum has always been a really supportive person of my art and my life as an artist, especially since my dad died, so I'm really curious about my mum's experience as a migrant because I wanna make a show that honours her stories and the stories of our family. I've lived here for two-thirds of my life, and even though English is my first language, and, I mean, I speak it with a Chinese accent, but people will still consider me a foreigner over here. I do remember the period of time when we were called ching-chong Chinamen and also that time stuck on the back of the` of the car was a piece of note that says, 'Go back to Hiroshima, you Japs.' And also I have people coming up to me and ask me, 'Are you a mail-order bride?' Yeah. People don't see past my Chinese, and you kids actually copped the brunt of it, and I've felt really angry about it. I feel like maybe growing up I may` maybe internalised some of that. I feel like I'm filing myself into being more Pakeha, maybe. All the stuff that we're talking about, it's all feeding into my thinking for this new show. Mm-hm. I know it's very personal for me to put our stories on to the stage, but I feel like that's really important. I don't know how you feel about that. Part of me thought, 'Whoa, we'll be under the microscope.' (LAUGHS) < Are you quite definite you want to go through with it? Because a lot of this type of subject is quite taboo and it's like, you know, people don't want to talk about it. Yeah, that's kind of the fear for me... because I'm a bit scared to put it out there, especially because it's personal. But if that's your idea, I'm with you all the way. Don't be afraid to speak out. I will admire you for it, but, like I say, < you've got to remember that there might be some negative reaction to what you` what you're going to do. You know you get my support all the way. You know that, don't you? (WHISPERS) Yeah, it's OK. I admire you. My mum has always been so brave her whole life, and when she told me to be brave, it really` really hit a nerve. Um, the truth is, in the past I've never spoken out publicly when I've experienced racism, and now I think it's time. REFLECTIVE MUSIC FUNKY MUSIC I'm taking my directors' advice and doing more research for my play, and I'm looking at Roseanne Liang's work. She's an Asian-NZ filmmaker. Ching-chang-chong. Konichiwa. (SHOUTS) ALL SHOUT (LAUGHS) She made Take 3, which is a short film, and then also this web series called Flat 3 with Chinese-NZ actress JJ Fong. I so relate this. Some of the words in my big list of stereotypical things, um, they're exploring that. It's so similar to my own experiences. We make film and TV, but we don't watch NZ television, because we don't feel like it represents us. It's either a stereotypical Asian portrayed like, say, a Lucy Liu character or it's this nice` what do you call it? Nice...? < Like a meek`? Nice girl. < Yeah. Nice. < Bookish nerd, kind of. Yeah. That type of thing. But at the same time, I feel really comfortable here. This is my home. > We're really proud to be` to say we're Kiwi. It's hard cos you feel white, but you look something else (LAUGHS) obviously, you know? < Yeah. No one calls us ching-chong any more or very rarely, but, um` but it in the little` it's in the little details, like these microaggressions, I guess. They're not exactly aggressions, but when someone asks you, you know,... 'Where are you from?' 'Where are you from?' (LAUGHS) 'No, where are your parents from?' You couldn't say what exactly it is, but these little things that happen in your day-to-day life that make you not` that don't let you forget the fact that you have this facade. Yeah, and it's` it's small microaggressions that come out, and you kind of just laugh or brush it off, cos, like, what`? It's really hard because they are small things, but they add up to a huge sum of... parts, you know? Yeah. > Um, and I feel a sense of guilt when I call someone on something and where I feel I am doing a good thing, and then they're like, 'Don't be so PC,' or you know? Mm. > And then I feel real stink for calling people out on it, so then it's like, oh, it's better to just ignore it or to internalise it than to actually assert yourself and address it. Have you at any point had to choose one part of your... ethnicity over the other? Yes, totally. White-passing, you know? I feel that it equips me something that enables me to get further, to get more opportunity, and that makes me feel really sick. What are you trying to say with your work with White/Other? Like, what do you want your audience to walk away with? I'm wanting to perhaps pose some of these questions but not make it black and white, cos I think that's actually the problem ` is that saying, 'I'm Chinese, and therefore I'm these things,' is reducing our complexity. It was great to connect to those two yesterday. It's nice to know that I'm not the only Asian in this industry trying to draw attention to this problem, but perhaps I'm the whitest Chinese person trying to do this. I want the audience to feel some of the complexity of my identity. I need to do something really bold to make a point, to get the audience's attention. FUNKY ELECTRONIC MUSIC So, it's like falling, falling, falling, falling. I think in that bit, you can just go up and then down. Fall... down. CYMBALS CRASH, REVERBERATE Yep. Got it. The play opens in a week. There's still a whole lot of stuff to figure out, and it is a little bit of a mess. Lots of technical stuff to work through.' Prostitute, dragon lady, China doll, tiger mother, doctor, bookish nerd, taxi driver, yellow` Oh! (GROANS) OK. < You did good, though. Yeah, I feel like... I want people to confront their racial bias, and, to be honest, it's the first time that I've taken a public stance, so it's really exciting, but it's also incredibly scary. FUNKY ELECTRONIC MUSIC FADES UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC So, tonight's the opening night for my show. The reviewers are gonna be here, but what's more critical is what the audience think, so I'm gonna put these feedback forms out so they can tell me. I am really nervous. It's going to be pretty confrontational for some people. But I have to do it and there's no backing out now, so let's do this. UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC AUDIENCE MURMUR BEAT PLAYS Alien, outsider, foreigner, too willing to assimilate, not willing enough. Disposable, worthless, war bride, vixen, victim, prostitute, dragon lady, China doll, tiger mother, bookish nerd, doctor, taxi driver, fish-and-chip shop owner. How can I alter the way in which I am perceived, reduced into simplified lumps? Everywhere, saturated. But I cannot be all of my otherness without white reflecting light, the default against which all is viewed. I feel invisible. When I must choose, when I must choose, when I must choose. And I choose. I choose to be white. I choose to be white because I am made, we are made, to feel ashamed of our other. My Chinese self is invisible. My Chinese self is too visible. (SIGHS) REFLECTIVE MUSIC That was really incredible. Um, I'm feeling really pumped about tonight. Um, really excited and` and relieved. And it was really emotional, but it felt really good because when I was looking out at the audience, I was looking at the people that I'm making the show for. And I'm anxious to know what impact it had on them. I won't really know until I read the feedback forms. REFLECTIVE MUSIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC Well, uh, opened the show last night and feeling good. I made that statement at the end about choosing to be white, but did it have that impact on the audience and get their attention? I'm not actually sure, so today my producer and my friend are coming over to read the audience's feedback. Um, let's have a look. READS: 'Heartfelt and triggers debate we should probably have. It felt very much your voice.' Cool. That's a good one. Yeah, that's cool. BOTH LAUGH Um... Oh, here's one. READS: 'Very specific to mixed children. 'I'm full Malaysian-Chinese, so can't say I could relate. I respect it's a personal experience. 'If it was that she was speaking on behalf of all Asians, that would be a little harder to take, 'because on the other hand there's still the element of whiteness 'which shields from the full brunt of racism full Asians may get.' Great. So I feel like she's speaking to the complexity of if you are half-Asian, then maybe you don't get all the racism that` It's watered down. > Yeah, the watered-down version of racism that full Asians might get. So that's` Yeah, or is that sort of privilege of having white-passing situations sometimes. I think we've talked about, sort of, that burden of representation where, um, because there's not that much out there talking about this, when something is made there's so much pressure for it to represent everyone. This feedback for me is indicating that there is, um, an engagement with the territory, right? Getting people to think about their own cultural identity, and that's exactly what the show is aimed at doing ` is beginning to break open the conversation. URBAN MUSIC So, the show's been running for a couple of weeks, and tonight is our closing night. Tonight I'm running a Q & A forum so I have a chance to talk directly to the audience about some of their questions. It's also quite scary because tonight my mum's in the audience, and I'm not quite sure how she is going to respond to some of the things that I say in the show. EMOTIONALLY: It's not about the people out there. It's not about those people. It's not about those people, those racist people, out there. Those people will never come to see this show. It's not about them. It's about this. It's about us. We are complicit. I am complicit. I am diplomatic and reasonable. I am given a licence to write about a community I don't even know or care about. (SIGHS) DOWNBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC REFLECTIVE MUSIC So, now we're gonna open up to any questions. If there's something you want to dig into more, um, then we're happy to answer that. So who has the first question? What does your Chineseness ` if that's a word ` look like now as` as... compared to then? There's a deep mourning for that culture that I've lost and the parts that I've lost and that I've sort of, through the process of making this show, begun to, um, question what do I need when I have children, what do they need to have their Chineseness? So, my question is that ` at the end of the show you said you are disregarding your otherness to become white, and I just` I'm curious to know if that's what you do in your personal life and that's what you really believe? The resting moment at the end is a provocation. Um, you can read into it whether you feel that Alice the protagonist has internalised this whiteness. Um, I think it's more there to see whether you can see that for yourselves and whether you've also internalised the whiteness. REFLECTIVE MUSIC Hey! Hey! LAUGHS: Hey. Oh, Alice, that was fantastic. BOTH LAUGH Oh, thank you. What did you think? Wow! What did you think? It was... bloomin' fantastic. (LAUGHS) You know something? Yes? I'm so very proud of you, not just because you're my daughter. It made me cry because I have got the same experience. You know, people ask me things like that. < Mm. So for you to bring it out, it kind of brings up a lot of memory. And I never` I just walk away from it in the old days, but then I realise, you know, whether I should actually stand up and confront people when they say things like that to me. But to see it happening here and that you have got the guts to actually, you know, bring it in your show and show people it's not on. I'm so proud of you! Oh, Mum. And I cried. Mm, yeah. UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC I feel like the work is just the beginning, and the show has started conversations with people who have never had those sorts of conversations before. And all that I can hope for is that it continues to evolve and that we continue to see the sorts of changes that I'm fighting for. I feel more courage to speak now. I feel like the work has just started to crack open some of the things in my practice as an artist, in my personal life as a` as Alice. I choose to tick the 'other' box because I am not white and I'm not Chinese. I choose to be OK with the fluidity of my identity. So are you OK with that? I don't really care if you're OK with that. Are you OK with that? Cos I'm OK with that. (LAUGHS) FUNKY FLUTE MUSIC Captions by Pippa Jefferies. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2016