HERE'S WHAT YOU MISSED LAST WEEK ON 'FUNNY GIRLS' ` THE MEN ALL BECAME FEMINISTS, KIM GOT AN ANKLE BRACELET. PAULINE GOT A PERM, LAURA GOT A BOYFRIEND AND ROSE GOT AN ACCENT. FUNNY VOICE: I'VE ALWAYS TALKED LIKE THIS! AND THAT'S WHAT YOU MISSED. WHAT EXACTLY WAS THE PROBLEM AGAIN? OH, WELL, I WAS PLAYING MY MORNING GAME OF SOLITAIRE, AND THEN WHEN I FINISHED, THE CARDS JUST ALL STARTED, LIKE, FLYING ALL OVER THE SCREEN. I THINK IT WAS PROBABLY SOME SORT OF VIRUS. THAT'S ACTUALLY JUST WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THE GAME FINISHES. (LAUGHS) OH! MAD! BOTH LAUGH SO, YOU'RE, UM` YOU'RE NEW HERE, AREN'T YOU? NO, I'VE BEEN HERE 12 WEEKS. OH, YEAH. YOU PROBABLY DON'T RECOGNISE ME EITHER. I HAD A PERM, BUT, UM, I JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE ME, SO I JUST` YOU KNOW, I WENT STRAIGHT AGAIN, BUT I LIKE YOUR HAIR. IT'S COOL. IT'S` IS IT A NATURAL WAVE? UM, NO` YEAH. I JUST` I WAS LIKE THIS AS A BABY. I` I'VE ALWAYS HAD THIS. (LAUGHS) IT'S JUST A BIT THINNER. OH. (LAUGHS) MAD! BOTH LAUGH DO WE HAVE TO BE HERE WHILE YOU DO THIS, OR CAN` KNOCK AT DOOR WHERE'S MY BITCHES AT?! MEN LAUGH OK, YOU GUYS HAVE TO STOP SAYING THAT. YOU CANNOT USE IT LIKE WE USE IT. OH, LIKE THE N-WORD. YEAH, IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME. MM. OOH! WE COME BEARING GOOD NEWS. I JUST RECEIVED NEWS THAT OUR SHOW GOT A 'SHOUT OUT' ON THE WEBSITE HYOUTUBE. NOT JUST ANY HYOUTUBE ` PLANET BECKY! (GASPS) AND SHE HAS USED HER HUGE PLATFORM TO ABSOLUTELY GUSH ABOUT THE SHOW! I ASSUME GUSH; I HAVEN'T WATCHED IT. FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS HEY, GUYS. SO, I JUST WANTED TO SAY A BIG THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT COMMENTED ON MY EAT A WHOLE PIECE OF A4 PAPER CHALLENGE. YOU GUYS WERE SO SUPPORTIVE OF ME EATING THAT WHOLE PIECE OF PAPER. UH, NOW, UH, THIS WEEK, I WAS WATCHING THIS SHOW, 'THE FUNNY GIRLS', AND THEY DID A SKETCH ABOUT WHITE GIRLS, AND, YOU KNOW, AS A WHITE GIRL, I WAS PRETTY OFFENDED... WAIT ` IS THIS ABOUT THE 'WHITE GIRLS BE LIKE' SKETCH? ER, 'WHITE GIRLS BE LIKE' WASN'T RACIST. THAT'S JUST WHAT WHITE GIRLS BE LIKE. OK, THIS IS SO BAD FOR MY PERSONAL BRAND. ALL THE TWEENS THAT WATCH TWEEN MODEL ABSOLUTELY LOVE PLANET BECKY. WELL, DOING THAT SHOW IS BAD FOR YOUR PERSONAL BRAND, IMO. WHAT? IM` IT MEANS 'IN MY OPINION'. DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM YOUR CHILD BOYFRIEND? SHH! SHH! SHH! YEAH, SO` SO I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU GUYS JOINED ME IN THE BOYCOTT OF 'FUNNY GIRLS'. ROSE MATAFEOS AND LAURA DANIELS, YOU ARE RACISTS. (GASPS) FUCKIN' WHITE GIRLS. FUNKY MUSIC # FUNNY GIRLS! # FUNNY! WHOO! COPYRIGHT ABLE 2016 HE WAS A MAN LOOKING FOR LOVE. SHE WAS A WOMAN SEARCHING IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES. HE WAS A JANITOR WITH DREAMS TO CLEAN UP HIS LIFE. SHE WAS A SINGLE MOM WITH THE ODDS STACKED AGAINST HER. HE WAS A DRIFTER WITH A DARK PAST. SHE WAS THE GIRL NEXT DOOR WHO WANTED A FAMILY OF HER OWN. HE WAS AN ACCOUNTANT WITH NO TIME TO SPARE. SHE WAS A RAVEN WITH A BEAUTIFUL PLUME. HE WAS A VAMPIRE WITH A THIRST FOR JUSTICE. SHE WAS A CLOVE OF GARLIC WITH A HEART OF GOLD. HE WAS A STALKER WHO WOULD STOP AT NOTHING. SHE WAS A DREAMER WITH HER HEAD IN THE CLOUDS. HE WAS A VET WITH A PET COW. SHE WAS A COW WITH A PET VET. HE WAS A CHRISTMAS TREE. SHE WAS A HANH CANDLE. HE WAS A PSYCHOPATH WHO KILLED HER ENTIRE FAMILY. SHE WAS A HOPELESS ROMANTIC WHO FELL FOR HIM ANYWAY. HE WAS A LAWYER. SHE WAS A LAWYER. HE WAS A LAWYER. SHE WAS A JURY MEMBER. HE WAS A JURY MEMBER. SHE WAS A JURY MEMBER. HE WAS A JURY MEMBER. SHE WAS A JUDGE. HE WAS THE GUY RECORDING STUFF ON THAT TYPEY THING. SHE WAS A GAVEL. AND THEY WERE THE PEOPLE WHO FOUND HIM ` GUILTY! AND SHE WAS THE FOOL WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICTED MURDERER. COMING SOON! FUNKY MUSIC (LAUGHS) OK, PEOPLE, GATHER ROUND, GATHER ROUND! WE'RE GONNA CUT INTO THE REVEAL CAKE NOW. WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT WHAT THE BABY IS GONNA BE. WOMEN: OOH! WHISPERS: OH, GOD, I'M SO NERVOUS! OK. ALL GASP, GIGGLE OK. OK. ALL SIGH ALL: AW! IT'S GONNA BE WHITE! ALL CLAP IT'S GONNA BE A WHITE BABY! WE'RE GONNA HAVE A WHITE BABY! ALL CLAP IT'S GOT MY PRIVILEGE. ALL LAUGH FUNKY MUSIC CLASSICAL MUSIC OH! (CRIES) (LAUGHS) HELLO, IT'S ME, PAULINE MCCARTNEY. AND IT'S ME, JO LENNON, INNIT? SORRY, CUT! WHAT WAS`? WHAT WAS THAT ACCENT? IT WAS IN THE SAME VOICE AS YOU. "'ELLO." NO, I HAVE A VERY DISTINCT EAR FOR ACCENTS. THAT WAS NOT IT. "'ELLO." "'ELLO." "'ELLO." "'ELL` 'ELLO." "'ELLO." "'ELL`EW." WHAT AM I DOING THAT YOU'RE NOT HEARING? "'ELLO." "'ELLO." NAILED IT. HANG ON. WHERE ARE KIM AND ZARA? THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THIS GIRL BEATLE SKETCH WITH US. WE'RE BOYCOTTING. OH, GOOD. I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT THINKS THIS SKETCH IS A TERRIBLE IDEA. OH, I'M SORRY, LAURA, THAT I TRIED TO INJECT SOME CULTURE INTO OUR LOWBROW COMEDY SHOW (!) WE WATCHED BECKY'S VIDEO, AND WE DON'T WANNA WORK WITH RACISTS. KIM, YOU ARE A CONVICTED FELON. YOU'RE LUCKY TO EVEN BE HERE. OH, SO BECAUSE SHE'S WHITE, YOU IMMEDIATELY ASSUME THAT SHE'S A FELON. NO, I ASSUME THAT BECAUSE OF HER CRIMINAL RECORD, JAIL TIME AND THE ANKLE BRACELET THAT IS CURRENTLY ON HER ANKLE. I'M NOT JUST ANOTHER STATISTIC! (SOBS) GREAT NEWS! TURNS OUT GARY FROM THE IT DEPARTMENT IS SINGLE. FOUND THAT OUT AFTER A BIT OF SLEUTHING ON THE OLD INTERNET. UM, THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF US. UH, IT DOES, ACTUALLY, LAURA, BECAUSE THE BAD NEWS IS I ASKED GARY IF HE COULD TAKE DOWN THAT BLOODY BECKY VIDEO, BUT APPARENTLY, AND I QUOTE, 'THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE, PAULINE.' YEAH, WELL, OF COURSE WE CAN'T TAKE THE VIDEO DOWN OURSELVES. WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. OUR OWN CAST ARE BOYCOTTING OUR SHOW! IS THIS TRUE, GIRLS? CRYSTAL. I` I THINK SHE MEANS 'YES'. OK. WELL, THEN YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO APOLOGISE. WE CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE WHITE GIRLS. WE ARE MAKING MILLENNIAL SKETCH COMEDY. COCONUT WATER-DRINKING WHITE GIRLS ARE OUR BIGGEST DEMOGRAPHIC. FINE, I'LL APOLOGISE. YEAH, ME TOO. BUT I'M GONNA CROSS MY FINGERS DURING IT ` OR SAY 'NOT' REALLY QUIETLY UNDER MY BREATH AFTERWARDS. YEAH, OK. I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DO IT. WHAT MATTERS IS THAT THE AUDIENCE THINK YOU'RE APOLOGISING. OK? NOW I'VE GOTTA GO. I'VE GOTTA GO DOWN AND SEE GARY FROM THE IT DEPARTMENT BECAUSE MY LAPTOP IS ON THE FRITZ. WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT? CRASH! IT JUST KEEPS BREAKING. FUNKY MUSIC BELIEVE ME, GIRLS, IT TAKES A SPECIAL KID OF GUY AND A SPECIAL KIND OF THING TO GET ME GOING. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YEAH, ROSE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? OH, YOU'LL KNOW WHEN YOU SEE IT. # THE TEMPERATURE IS RISING # AND SO IS YOUR SWEATER # IT'S SO APPETISING # I NEED A SCARLET LETTER # I WONDER IF YOU'RE WONDERING THE SAME THINGS ABOUT ME # WHEN WOULD I WANNA SEE YOUR PECS OR YOUR NIPS # THAT POINTS TO YOUR DICK?! # STUPID FUCKIN' SWEATER. (GRUNTS) # BOY, I WANNA SEE YOUR BODY, # BUT JUST ONE PART OF YOUR BODY # I'M SENTIMENTAL # WHEN I SEE YOUR TUMMY # ANYWAY, THAT'S KIND OF ACCIDENTAL # BOY, I LOVE IT WHEN YOU LIFT YOUR SWEATER UP # AND IT LIFTS YOUR T-SHIRT UP AT THE SAME TIME! # AT THE SAME TIME! # # AT THE SAME TIME! # # IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY, AND MY EYES ARE GLUED # TO THE BOTTOM OF YOUR BELLY AND THE TOP OF YOUR PUBES AT THE SAME TIME. # # AT THE SAME TIME! # # AT THE SAME TIME! # AND SOMETIMES WHEN I HAVE A BIT OF LUCK, # YOUR SWEATER GETS STUCK WHEN IT'S HALFWAY UP. # WHILE YOU STRUGGLE AND YOU FLAIL, I WANNA TAKE A STROLL DOWN YOUR ` # BOY, I LOVE IT WHEN YOU LIFT YOUR SWEATER UP # AND IT LIFTS YOUR T-SHIRT UP AT THE SAME TIME! AT THE SAME TIME! # # COS I'M THANKING GOD FOR THE FRICTION AND MATERIAL THAT YOU'RE TAKING OFF AT THE SAME TIME # # AT THE SAME TIME! # # AT THE SAME TIME! # # AT THE SAME TIME! # SO, GIRLS, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE INTO? OH, YOU'LL SEE. YOU'LL SEE. # UH, YEAH. UH, UH, UH. YEAH. # FUNNY GIRLS! TECHNO MUSIC LOOK, I'M NOT APOLOGISING OR REMOVING ANY VIDEO. THAT'D BE SO FAKE OF ME, AND I CAN'T DO THAT TO MY FOLLOWERS. FAKE? THIS ISN'T EVEN A REAL BEDROOM. BELL RINGS NOSTALGIC MUSIC LOOK, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU GUYS WANTED TO SAY? I, UH, HAVE A BUSY DAY. EXCUSE ME, MISS BECKY. UM, JUST A REMINDER WE'VE GOT A TWEET COMING UP IN THREE HOURS' TIME FOR HUMP DAY. UM, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? LIKE, 'HAPPY HUMP DAY,' OR SOMETHING OBSERVATIONAL, LIKE, UM, 'IT'S HUMP DAY,' WITH AN EMOJI? ISN'T THAT YOUR JOB TO FIGURE THAT OUT? OH, YEAH, I'LL GET A BRAINSTORM STARTED. GREAT. THANK YOU. LOOK, BECKY, WE JUST WANTED TO COME HERE AND EXPLAIN THINGS, LIKE, GIRL TO GIRL. I MEAN, WE'RE ROUGHLY THE SAME AGE. WE'RE NOT. (LAUGHS) LIKE, AT ALL. OH HELL, NO. WHAT LAURA IS TRYING TO SAY IS THAT, UH, WE GET IT. YOU THINK WE'RE RACIST, BUT THE THING IS THAT WE'RE NOT RACIST ` IS A FUNNY THING, BECAUSE I'M HALF-SAMOAN ` YOU MAY NOT HAVE KNOWN THAT ` AND LAURA HERE, SHE'S HALF COOK ISLANDER. SO, REALLY, WE'VE ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED HALF RACISM OUR ENTIRE LIVES. RIGHT, YOU NAME IT; I'VE HEARD IT. 'SAMOANS ARE LAZY. SAMOANS ARE NEVER ON TIME. 'SAMOANS NEVER CAN FIT INTO THE VINTAGE DRESS THEY'VE BEEN EYEING UP FOR THREE MONTHS 'BECAUSE APPARENTLY THEY DIDN'T MAKE VINTAGE DRESSES FOR WOMEN OF A BIGGER SIZE 'AND MAYBE A POLYNESIAN FIGURE.' YEAH, AND THE SAME GOES FOR COOK ISLANDERS. I MEAN, I THINK, LIKE, MY COMPLEXION IS KINDA WHITE, SO I DON'T REALLY GET IT AS MUCH. THE POINT WE'RE TRYING TO MAKE HERE, RIGHT, IS THAT WE'RE NOT BAD PEOPLE. I KNOW YOU WERE OFFENDED AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE, OK, BUT SOMETIMES IT'S JUST HARD TO KNOW THE RULES, YOU KNOW? AND WHAT YOU FORGET IS THAT WE'RE ALSO HALF WHITE AS WELL, JUST LIKE YOU. (CHUCKLES) SO, LIKE, MAYBE YOU COULD JUST LOOK DEEP WITHIN YOURSELF AND, LIKE, CUT US SOME SLACK? HAVE YOU`? YOU'VE JUST BEEN TAKING SELFIES THIS WHOLE TIME? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING? NO. LOOK, GUYS, I DON'T ACTUALLY THINK YOU'RE RACIST. I'M NOT STUPID. BUT OUTRAGE GETS CLICKS. YOU KNOW, BUT IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU, I'LL THE FUCKING VIDEO DOWN. SERIOUSLY? OH MY GOD, THAT IS AWESOME. THAT'D BE AMAZING. I TWEETED A REALLY BIG FAN. OH MY GOSH, THAT'S GREAT. OK. BYE. LIKE, BYE. OH. YEAH. UH, CAN I JUST CHECK SOMETHING? CAN WE, UH, KEEP THESE HOVER BOARDS OR DO WE HAVE TO RETURN THEM? UH, YEAH, SURE. I'VE GOT, LIKE, 30. GREAT, OK. THANKS. THANK YOU. THESE ARE HARDER THAN I THOUGHT. UM, OK. OH. OH GOD. HOW DO WE`? HOW DO WE MOVE, LAURA? FUNKY MUSIC ALL RIGHT, READY TO PLAY WITH THE BOYS? OF COURSE. ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT, THEN. LADS ON THREE. ONE, TWO, THREE. MEN: LADS! MEN SHOUT ROCK MUSIC SHOUTING CONTINUES HEY! HELLO, I'M OPEN! I'M SO OPEN! I'M OPEN! O-P-E-N! I'M OPEN! I'M NOT CLOSED! I'M OPEN! COME ON! I LITERALLY HAVE A SIGN THAT SAYS OPEN. ROCK MUSIC (MOUTHS) ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? WHAT, I NEED A DICK TO GET PASSED THE BALL? WELL, FINE. I CAN PLAY BY YOUR FUCKING RULES. HERE, NOW I'VE GOT A GIANT ERECT DICK. NOW WILL YOU PASS TO ME? YEAH, LOOK AT MY BIG VEINY DICK! LOOK AT IT! YEAH, YEAH! YEAH, I'M OPEN NOW, BITCH! YOU GONNA PASS TO ME NOW? DEEP VOICE: OH, I'M GONNA GET PAID MORE DOING THE SAME JOB. HA, HA, HA! I'M A STUPID FUCKING GUY. PASS TO ME NOW. OH, GIRLS` (SIGHS) FUCKING GIRLS. FUNKY MUSIC PEOPLE SHOUT, SWORDS CLANK FORGIVE ME, YOUR HIGHNESS. WE ARE SURROUNDED. THE ENEMY HAVE US ON EVERY SIDE. WHAT ARE YOUR ORDERS? PROTECT THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN. EVERY MAN FIT TO FIGHT MUST JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD. ARE MY ORDERS CLEAR? YES, MY QUEEN. SPEAK UP. YAAAAAAAASS, QUEEN! YASS, ME. FUNKY MUSIC TECHNO MUSIC SO, COME ON, GIRL. YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME WHAT YOU'RE INTO YET. OH, THERE'S A SPECIAL KIND OF THING I LIKE TO SEE A BOY DO. OH, COME ON, LAURA, SPILL. WELL, THERE IS SOMEONE RIGHT OVER THERE. # I SEE YOU PICK YOUR SPOT. # YOUR SPOT. # YOU ALL ALONE. # I THINK YOU FORGOT. # FORGOT. # TO GET CHANGED AT HOME. # YEAH, CAN SEE YOUR PHYSIQUE. # TOWEL TUCK TECHNIQUE ON FLEEK. # TURN INTO A FREAK WHEN I PEAK AT YOUR CHEEK, YEAH. # UNDIES ROUND YOUR FEET MAKE MY KNEES GO WEAK. # EGYPTIAN COTTON. # COTTON. # COVERING THAT TIGHT LITTLE BOTTOM. # LIKE THE WAY YOU WIGGLE TRYING TO HIDE THAT DIDDLE. # COS THERE'S KIDS HERE. # YOU'RE MY KINDA GUY, COMING AT ME KINDA SHY, BABY. # YOU TRY TO HIDE. YOU CAN'T IGNORE ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE. # I KNOW YOU'RE NAKED. I KNOW, I KNOW YOU'RE NAKED. I KNOW YOU'RE NAKED. # I KNOW YOU'RE NAKED UNDER THERE. # I KNOW YOU'RE NAKED. I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW YOU'RE NAKED. I KNOW YOU'RE NAKED. # CHANGING OUT YOUR UNDERWEAR. # YOU KNOW IT'S HOT FOR ME TO WATCH YOU CHANGE SO STEALTHILY. # WE LOCK EYES, AND YOU GET SHAKING. # WE BOTH KNOW I KNOW YOU'RE NAKED. # SO NOW YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE INTO, MADS. WHAT ARE YOU INTO? YOU'LL SEE. YOU'LL SEE. AND THEN WHEN I FINISHED, THE CARDS JUST ALL STARTED, LIKE, FLYING ALL OVER THE SCREEN. # UH, YEAH. UH, UH, UH, YEAH. # FUNNY GIRLS! NOSTALGIC MUSIC KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. DAMSEL IN DIGITAL DISTRESS. (LAUGHS) COME IN. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM THIS TIME? LAUGHS: OH. WHAT THE HECK HAVE YOU DONE TO IT? OH, NOTHING THAT AN IT WHIZZ LIKE YOU CAN'T FIX. AND AS IT'S LUNCHTIME, I THOUGHT WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO DINE AL FRESCO WHILE YOU DO IT. WOULD YOU LIKE A, UH, CRACKER? ACTUALLY, WE NEED TO BE OUTSIDE FOR THAT PHRASE TO MAKE SENSE. (LAUGHS) MMM. BUT WHAT YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME, GAZ, YOU KNOW, TO GET AWAY FROM THE BRAIN DRAIN OF THE IT WORLD? ACTUALLY, IT'S A BIT EMBARRASSING. MM, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE EMBARRASSED IN FRONT OF ME. I ONCE GOT THROWN OUT OF AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT PIZZA HUT FOR TRYING TO STAY THE NIGHT. (LAUGHS) UH, WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M JUST, UM` I'M JUST STARTING TO LEARN MAGIC. MM. DO YOU LIKE MAGIC? DO I LIKE MAGIC? I LOVE MAGIC. WHO DOESN'T LIKE MAGIC? (GASPS) CARD TRICK. (LAUGHS) PICK A CARD. OH MY GOD. THAT'S AMAZING. THAT'S EXACTLY THE ONE I WAS THINKING OF. THAT'S NOT ACTUALLY THE TRICK. HEY, BUT I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING BEHIND YOUR EAR. (SCREAMS, LAUGHS) THAT'S AMAZING. HOW DID YOU DO THAT? JUST A` IT'S A MAGIC TRICK. YOU'RE AMAZING. THANKS. (LAUGHS) DO YOU WANT A CRACKER? YES, PLEASE. FUNKY MUSIC ALL LAUGH IT'S SO GREAT. MEL, WHAT'S MIKE'S DICK LIKE? OH, OK, OK. MIKE'S IS LIKE THIS. OK. HELLO! I'M A DICK! OH JESUS! BOO! IT'S SO AGGRESSIVE. YEAH, HE IS IN THE MILITARY. OH MY GOD, I'M SEEING THIS GUY AT THE MOMENT, AND HIS IS LIKE THIS. UH, OH, UH. LIKE, ARE WE GONNA FUCK OR WHAT? MAKE UP YOUR MIND. LAUGHTER THAT IS NOTHING. I WAS DATING THIS GUY ONCE AND HE WAS LIKE THIS. WHAT'S THIS? WHAT DOES THE HAND SYMBOLISE? YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW. OH MY GOD. LAUGHTER OK, AT LEAST YOUR PARTNER'S ONE ISN'T LIKE THIS, OK? IT'S LIKE (SHIVERS) OH, I'M SO COLD! GET IT A BLANKET! LAUGHTER HEY, LADIES. HEY, HONEY. YOU READY TO GO, BABE? YEAH. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GIGGLING ABOUT? WE WERE JUST DOING IMPERSONATIONS OF OUR BOYFRIEND'S DICKS. LAUGHTER OK, OK, THIS IS MY IMPERSONATION OF STEPH'S VAGINA. (HISSES, SNARLS) (LAUGHS) THAT IS SO OFFENSIVE. WHAT? I CAN'T` I` I'M SORRY. THAT'S JUST` YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT. YOU FUCKING SPAT ON MY LEG. BABE, I'M SORRY. OH, DON'T TOUCH ME. NO. WHAT? BUT` STEPH. IT'S ALL RIGHT. NO. JUST TRYING` TRYING TO JOIN IN WITH YOUR FRIENDS. SEE YOU LATER. (CHUCKLES) THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING. SO RUDE. SO SEXIST. FUNKY MUSIC SO, COME ON, MADS. IT'S YOUR TURN. YEAH, TELL US WHAT YOU'RE INTO. WELL, IT'S A SPECIAL KIND OF GUY. FUNKY MUSIC # THE ONE THING THAT I WANT IN MY BED # IS A MAN WHOSE WIFE IS DEAD. # A WHAT? # WIDOWER, WIDOWER. WIDO-WIDOWER. W-WIDOWER, WIDOWER. WIDOW-WIDOWER. # A WIDOWER, WIDOWER. WIDO-WIDO-WIDOWER. WIDOWER, WIDOWER. WIDO-WIDO-WIDOWER. # NO, MADELEINE, THAT'S NOT RIGHT. YEAH, WHAT THE HELL? WHY CAN'T YOU BE INTO SOMETHING NORMAL LIKE COP ARMS? OH, COME ON, LAURA. LIKE THAT TOWEL SHIT WAS NORMAL? CAN WE JUST KEEP DOING MY SONG, PLEASE? ABSOLUTELY NOT. NO. NO. GUYS? OH, HEY, GUYS, CAN I GET A LIFT TO THE WAKE? FUNKY MUSIC NOSTALGIC MUSIC F... IN. CHECK YOUR INBOXES, LADIES. OUR FIRST COMPLETED WORK AS WRITERS ON THIS SHOW. A LUNCH ORDER DOESN'T COUNT AS A PIECE OF WRITING. DID IT NOT CONTAIN WORDS? (GASPS) ROSE, THERE'S A NEW 'PLANET BECKY' VIDEO UP. HEY, EVERYONE. SO, AS YOU KNOW, THIS WEEK IS EARTH DAY, AND TO CELEBRATE THAT, I'LL BE UPLOADING A 10-HOUR VIDEO OF A BLACK SCREEN. ANYWAY, ENOUGH ABOUT THE DYING PLANET. JUST A FOLLOW-UP ABOUT THE 'FUNNY GIRLS' SITCH. UM, ROSE AND LAURA CAME TO VISIT ME IN MY LITTLE BEDROOM, AND, UH, THEY WERE SO RACIST. WHAT THE?! I'M GONNA CHOKE OUT THIS CRACKER. AND I KNOW THIS IS KIND OF UNCOOL, BUT I SECRETLY FILMED THEM BEING RACIST, AND I THINK YOU GUYS NEED TO SEE IT. SAMOANS ARE LAZY. SAMOANS ARE NEVER ON TIME. AND SAME GOES FOR COOK ISLANDERS. SHE WAS FILMING US THE WHOLE TIME. HOW IS SHE SO GOOD AT THE INTERNET? I WAS SO HURT BY THE AWFUL, RACIST THINGS THEY WERE SAYING, I JUST HAD TO GET MY FRIENDS AT TUNE HOUNDS TO DO AN AUTO-TUNE REMIX. HEY, BECKY! WHAT'S UP, BECKY? YO, WE'RE REALLY EXCITED TO BE RELEASING THIS NEW REMIX FOR YOU AND YOUR FANS, BECKY. LOVE YOU LONG TIME, GIRL. # SAMOANS ARE LAZY. # SAMOANS ARE NEVER ON TIME. SAMOANS ARE LAZY. # SAMOANS. SA-SAMOANS. # SAMOANS ARE LAZY. # SAMOANS ARE NEVER ON TIME. # YEAH, AND THE SAME GOES FOR COOK ISLANDERS. # SAMOANS` # WE GOT TUNE-HOUNDED. WE GOT TUNE-HOUNDED. SHE'S WON. SHE'S WON. TUNE HOUND? IS THAT GOOD OR BAD? WILL IT BE ON 'ELLEN'? I KNOW THAT SONG'S ALREADY STUCK IN YOU GUYS' HEADS, BUT NEVER SING IT. # SAMOANS ARE LAZY. # SA-SA-SAMOANS ARE LAZY. # IT'S CATCHY, EH? GOT A GOOD OCTAVE. PLAY IT AGAIN. PLAY IT AGAIN. # SAMOANS ARE LAZY. # SAMOANS ARE NEVER ON TIME. SAMOANS ARE LAZY. # SAMOANS. SA-SAMOANS. # SAMOANS ARE LAZY. # SAMOANS ARE NEVER ON TIME. # YEAH, AND THE SAME GOES FOR COOK ISLANDERS. # SAMOANS. # THANKS, NZ ON AIR. AND, REMEMBER, I KNOW YOU'RE NAKED UNDER THERE.