Are you making me take leave? Let's call it mental health time. But no stigma, mind you. Maybe your friend can join us. You gonna say anything? Not if you don't. We have an agreement, then? You don't want to talk about Mitre. You're here to have fun. It's more than that. Oh no. Emotional complications? Don't you touch my sister. Hey, look, mate, it was an accident. Bullshit. If you want me to drop the protection order... I want you to get some help with your anger issues. I'll do it for Oscar. What about helping Dad? I'd had enough. I think we're done here. It's from Dad. TEARFULLY: (READS) 'It really feels like every time I get back on my feet, I get knocked down again. 'And I don't see any way out right now.' DONNA: Well, I could always do Dean's handwriting better than he could. Always great working with a professional. GENTLE MUSIC Just feeling a bit nervous. You're gonna go in there and kick arse... with your epic blue-sky thinking and your winning way with particulars. Did you just talk lawyer? Yeah, I think I did. It's kinda sexy. Yeah? Yeah. I'm gonna get all your ducks in a row. Oh my God. Your billables will be through the roof. Oh. (GIGGLES) I'm gonna issue you with a subpoena. (LAUGHS) Morning. Hi, Alice. Hi. Kat. Hi. You're back. I did send an email to say that` We've been cray-cray busy around here. WHISPERS: What's Tristan doing in my office? Did no one tell you? Um. We had a reshuffle while you were away. But I'm sure Alice can find you somewhere. Oh, maybe you could give these a proof to, uh, get yourself back up to speed. Right. It's good to have you back on the team. Over here. Thanks. LIGHT GUITAR MUSIC 'DIRTY LAUNDRY' THEME Captions by Madison Batten. Edited by Jessica Boell. Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2016 Delia, this is perfect. Thank you. This is really kind of you. David and I are absolutely thrilled. You know, we never thought that Andrew would meet a... ...child of a criminal? (LAUGHS) No. You don't really feel that about your mother. I feel like it's hanging over me a bit at work. (SCOFFS) Surely they'll get over it. My father had some financial difficulties, and Mum rejected him, and then he ended up dead, so I'm finding it a little bit hard to forgive her at the moment. That's a shame. It was my right of way, asshole! You think cos you're white, you own the road with your tight lady jeans and your One Direction hairdo! You own nothing! And that's how I used to handle things in the past, before I learned to deal with my feelings. And now it's your turn, Matt. Get those bad thoughts out in the open. Go on, go on, go on. I think I'll pass. Tell me why you're angry. I'm not. Denial is the first roadblock on the pathway to an anger-free existence. I'm not in denial. Then why are you here? My ex took out a... protection order. You were violent with your ex? No. Her stupid boyfriend. She said if I did this, she'd drop it. I'll get to see my son again. Well, as your sponsor, I want to talk to you angry man to angry man, OK? I'm not angry. You're not gonna make any progress here if you can't be honest with yourself. I just wanna do the sessions, tick the box. OK. But if you ever need to talk ` or a cheap taxi ride home ` give me a call any time, OK? Great. Good. Come on. Let's hug it out. QUIETLY: Oh, I` RELAXING MUSIC PLAYS Hey. I'm just here for the towels. Well done. And there I was thinking you were too good for us. Well, Matt had his thing, so... I heard. What a load of rubbish. You give him a big smoochie from me when you see him. Will do. All right. We have to stop meeting like this. What are you doing here? What are you doing here? I... have a... a client here. (LAUGHS) It's fine. It's fine. I know all about your mum's involvement in the place. You do? Yeah. The people here, you know, they're very fond of her. Right. Does Andrew know about the family connection? No. I` I haven't felt the need to tell him. So we both understand the importance of discretion, then? Of course. I'm so glad. Hey, I'll see you Saturday. I'm really looking forward to it. Me too. LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC Whoo! We got actual mail at our actual house. Cool, huh? (LAUGHS) Oh, wow. Kat's invitation. To what? Her engagement party. Wow, flash. Yeah, it's so incredible. I mean, she's always had such bad taste in men ` and women. This can't be right. This is a bill for water. Nah, water's free. Rates? What the hell are rates? Hi. Hey, guys. We thought we'd just come over for dinner, if that's OK. PAT: Ah, bludging again. > You do know it's meatloaf? Yeah, line it up. Ah. At least someone appreciates my cooking. Extra big helping for you. < You must be desperate. Don't be silly. This is family time. Um, bro. So, I've got this mate at school who's pretty interested in buying a car. Yeah, I 'spose I can keep an eye out. Actually, I showed him some photos of the Torino. Tane's Torino? Yeah. And he said it was exactly the car he was looking for. My girl is not for sale, bro. Yeah, no way, Leo. What? PAT: Goodness. We are popular this evening. I just need a word with Matt, if that's all right. Hey. How was your thing? I think I've reached a new low in my life as a loser. Carol sends her love. How was your day? Well, I might need a new job soon. You're getting fired? I no longer have an office, and Nathan's taken over all my clients. Shit. Well, best to go before you're pushed. Yeah. PAT: You lot, grub's up. None for me, thanks. Hey. How's the new place? Amazing. Yeah, things couldn't be better. Oh my God we're so totally screwed. There's, like, over $2000 worth of bills here. And, OK, after the mortgage we have, like, 10 bucks in our account. Yeah, um, maybe more like five. I got Maccas for breakfast. < Tane. Yeah, sorry, babe. God, there's no way we can pay all this. We can ask your family maybe. I can't. Asking them for help would just prove I'm as useless as they think I am. I can try and pick up some more hours of work. Maybe talk to my boss. How's anger management? I'm going. That's the main point. Oscar! Time to go, buddy. OSCAR: Coming, Daddy. I'm sure you remember, but parent-teacher interviews are today. You still coming? If I'm allowed. That's a little passive-aggressive. Ready! Bye. See ya later. Come here, matey. Bye. What's with the shorts, buddy? I have to wear them. What about your kilts? Not appropriate. Who said that? Mum and Dan. That's ridiculous. Matt. No. He can wear what he wants. What are you doing? Gonna have a word with Vicky. Don't. Let's just go to the park, OK? Why? Therapy. ALL YELL (LAUGHS) Whoo! (LAUGHS) God, I haven't done that in ages. You used to do that regularly? My mother always said talking was the answer, and that just made me wanna scream. So I screamed, and it made me feel better. You are so smart. You're my most fun mum. Aw, Oscar, that's really sweet. Will you be my fun mum all the time? Come on, buddy. You'll be late for school. CALM MUSIC Everything all right? Yeah. Uh, I'm not all that busy. So if there was anything you wanted me to look over... Actually, I have got a meeting with a potential new client ` a property developer. Ah, Clay. Speak of the devil. My reputation proceeds me. Wonderful to meet you, finally. Likewise. Who's this? And why don't you introduce us? Clay Gertz, Katherine Rafferty. Hi. Hi. Kat's just back from a mental health break. Right. Rafferty ` that name rings a bell. I don't believe we've met before. Don't worry, it'll come to me. Kat, this firm a good, honest one? Absolutely. My last lawyers were a bunch of crooks and shysters. Well, shall we go through? Offices give me the shits. How about we take this somewhere a little bit more exciting? < We could go for coffee? Coffee's for pussies. Ah, where are you going? Nowhere. You can join us. She's easy on the eye. You never know ` cut the mustard, you might just get my business. OK. After you. This is really lovely. Oh, I'm glad you think so. I feel I've rather taken over. I'm sure Kat appreciates it. She's never been much of a social organiser. I wanted to meet you, despite the circumstances. We will be family, and I'm very fond of Kat. So, uh, you know, if there's, um, anything I can do. Actually, I do have a favour to ask you. Of course. I, uh, wanted to get a gift for Kat. Oh, I'd love to help. Yeah, I, um` I asked Andrew to talk to Corrections, and I'm allowed to give you this. I wanted to give it to her myself, but I haven't seen her much lately. She's been busy, and... well, she's not very happy with her mother right now. Mothers and daughters. (CHUCKLES) I mean, I know I only have the one son, but my friends tell me it's different with daughters. Yeah. She's always been... strong-willed. (LAUGHS) > Oh. No touching. Oh. Sorry. I didn't know. I'm sorry. Um, of course, I will make sure she gets it. 1 Here we go, boys and girls. Just do not blow this for me, OK? I'm not about to. Let's go. What's the hold-up? You played before, Nate? As it happens, I was selected for the NZ under-18 development squad. Kat, what about you? Much of a golfer? I used to play a bit with my dad, just hacking around. Rafferty... What's your dad's name? Dean. No, that's not it. Take that. You're up, Top Gun. You might wanna take a step back, Kat. (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) Impressive. How 'bout we up the stakes a bit, eh? Every time you sink a ball, you take a shot. OK. How 'bout we up it further? A shot for a hole, two for a bunker. I like this girl. She's not just gorgeous. SPLASHES Oh dear. Never mind. What are you doing here? You're meant to give notification if you` I just wanna talk about the shorts. Ugh. What about them? When did this get decided? I talked to Dan and Oscar's teacher about it, and it turns out that he's being picked on at school. Since when? Is this really such a big deal? It's Oscar's choice what he wears, not his teacher's. She should deal with bullies, not make him change. OK, well you can pick this up at parent-teacher if you want. I will. You know, Oscar's told me that his 'fun mum' is coming. Yeah. I do find that a little bit hurtful. I didn't make up the name. But it is serious between you and Leisha? Yes. That's good. Because I don't want Oscar getting confused. MATT YELLS OUTSIDE So, come on, home-boy. Let it out. I just wanna take this... and I just wanna smoosh it into her face. Well, that's anger right there. I do feel angry. Actually, I'm furious. And that is progress right there. So you're, um, angry at your wife because she wants your son to wear shorts. We were never actually married. But you want your son to wear a dress? I want him to wear what he wants to wear and know that I support him, even if every other decision seems to be out of my hands. Now, see? You're owning it ` expressing your feelings. Only to you, which isn't changing anything. Ah, baby steps, my friend. So why do you have a pretend girlfriend anyway? Are you gay? No. Cos gay's OK, my friend. I like her. She's amazing. But we're not actually together, and my son's getting attached. Maybe flowers. Take her on a date. Actually, she's a prostitute. Not the kinda girl you take home to mother, then. Well, my mother's in prison at the moment. You know, I think we should hang out more often. (LAUGHS) Ah! I remember where I know the name from. Two for a bunker. You may have read something about it in the newspaper ` about Donna Rafferty, who is my mother. That's right. What'd she do again? She's been remanded in custody on charges of fraud and money laundering. Shit oh dear. That is no reflection on Price, Hall and Chambers, who are an excellent firm and more than capable of structuring your deal and meeting your needs. Thanks for the game and the whisky. Where are you going? Sorry? We haven't finished playing yet. There we go. Thanks. Have a great holiday. Thank you. I will. See you soon. Hi. Hi. You wanted to see me. Well, yes, and you weren't at work. No. I took leave. Are you sick? No, I'm grieving, Bianca. About? Your father's death? His suicide? Oh, of course. I can't believe it. I knew him. He loved me. (SNIFFLES) That must be really hard. It is. You have no idea. But hey, I was hoping to talk to you about something. I've got all these bills, you see, like water, which should be free. Yeah, I know. It's terrible. I don't understand how a bank could give you a mortgage if you can't afford to live. They don't care. They want you to be in debt. They do? Yes, so you'll keep paying interest. I just kind of feel like I'm drowning here. Oh, that was maybe not a good thing to say. It's fine. So, do you want my help? Oh my God. Yes. That would be amazing. Do you want me to put your house back on the market? I was thinking maybe some more money from the salon? Don't be silly. But Miley and Rihanna, we're so busy. Yes, that's my half of the salon. I see. Perhaps you need to move out. But we just moved in. Rent your house out, find somewhere cheaper. Plenty of people do it with their first homes. That's not... I know it's not ideal, but I could list it for you through rentals. Oh. Um, no. That's OK. Hi, Carol. Hello, handsome. Here to whisk me away into the sunset? Tomorrow, I promise. That's a lovely dress, Carol. Well, as front of house, I like to show myself in the best light. You certainly do. All ready for parent-teacher. Feel a bit nervous. Me too. (CHUCKLES) Can we chat for a second? 'Course. < What's up? Look, you've been amazing with Oscar, and he adores you. < Well, Oscar's a lovely kid. It's just... maybe this should be our last pretend date. Did I do something wrong? No. I just think it's getting... confusing. And not` not just for Oscar. I love our pretend time together, but... I understand. You do? Great. We should go. Oh, I just need to get ready for parent-teacher. You look fine. Actually, I'm planning a protest action. Nothing violent? No. But I definitely think it'll push the boat out. Come on. 1 1 Those shorts look great on you. All right, should we just begin? Yes. Oscar has a presentation. But Dad and Leisha aren't here yet. I'm sure they just got sidetracked, sweetheart. They said they'll be here. LIGHT-HEARTED MUSIC So, are you sure you wanna do this? I'm sure. (GIGGLES) I'm afraid we can't wait any longer, Oscar. You can tell your dad all about it next time you see him. Hi. Dad! Hey, matey. Sorry we're late. Why don't you kick things off, buddy? Tell us about all the things you've been up to this week. Hey. Hey, babe. How'd you go with your boss? Um, fail. Aw, me too. You guys should get a room. We have a room ` even if we can't afford it. Well, there's still the offer on the car. How much? Maybe we could get a flatmate. I know James is looking for a place. James just plays Xbox and smokes weed all day. > Folks, let's get back to the car. It's not for sale, bro. Really? Not even for... 12 grand? Holy shit. $12,000? > Yup. Cash. You know someone who has, like, 12 grand? Yeah. It's the benefit of private schools. I know plenty of rich dudes. Like this year 13 guy, Josh. So what do you say? It's up to you. It'd solve your problems. Well, you don't have to decide right now. Yeah, you do. I mean, Josh will find another car, and I'll look like a dick, and you'll both be screwed, so you do. SOFT PIANO MUSIC We'll do it. Babe, really? Set it up. Score. Ha ha! Not bad. Excuse me. Ooh, nasty. Thank you. < NATHAN THROWS UP You wanna go back to the office and sign up some paperwork? Really? You nearly beat me. You don't care about my mum, all that stuff? Jesus, show me someone in business who hasn't cut a corner. Shit, I've been through it twice. And you fronted up ` eventually. You knew? You came highly recommended. Who from? A mate. Said you knew your stuff and didn't have a poker up your arse. I tell you, I'm tired of up-themselves suits who can't think outside the box. Right. I want you to be my point of contact on this. OK. What? Shh, shh. The adults are talking here, all right? And I like to work with people who can hold their liquor. To business. To business. UPLIFTING MUSIC Well, I think that's about us, unless anyone's got any questions. Nope. That's all good. Thanks, Angela. You're clearly a fine teacher. Oh, thank you. But I'm a little concerned you're not backing Oscar to be himself. All our students are encouraged to be themselves. I'm glad you've said that, because I fully support Oscar's decision to wear whatever he wants. A kilt or even a dress. VICKY: I think you've made that point. Well, I hope we're all agreed, then. Sure. Great. Yeah. It was so good. (LAUGHS) Thanks, Carol. Any time, darling. Personally, I thought you were working it. It didn't feel too bad, actually. I know. Nothing quite like a bit of breeze up your passage. Hello, lovely. Can I get you a drink? Hey, um, thanks for letting me come today. No, thank you ` for the moral support. I better get going. Hey, Matt, wait. What you did today was really brave and so cool. Thanks. I just wanted to say I've really enjoyed being your pretend girlfriend. And you deserve a real girlfriend who is just as good. Anyway, I better get back to it. I've got a thing to go to in the weekend. Would you be my date? Your pretend date? More like a friend. But, you know, if you're busy... Will you, um, be wearing your dress again? Maybe. Hello, sexy. Are you drunk? I'm very very drunk. So today wasn't so bad, then? I played golf while drinking with this crazy client who doesn't even care that Mum is a criminal. Alleged criminal. In fact, it almost gave me bonus points. So your mum does have her uses? Yeah. And I finally got one over on Nathan, who can't hold his liquor to save himself. < I've got Nana Pat to thank for that one. Because...? I've been drinking since I was 9. You drank when you were 9? When we went to stay with her, she'd give us these little glasses of homemade raspberry nip. Lethal. There is so much I don't know about you. And will you marry me, by the way? I already said yes. Yeah, but I can't help but feel that there's something missing. SOFT PIANO MUSIC (GASPS) Is that for me? Well, as far as I'm aware, you're my only fiancee. It's so real. Do you like it? Yeah, I really like it. Phew. (LAUGHS) Oh my God. I love it. I love you. Are you sure you wanna do this? We have to. It's gonna be tough. Knowing someone else has their hands all over her body. At least you've still got my body. I guess 12 grand is 12 grand. It would really really help. Yeah, but, you know, I've taken her everywhere. She's been with us through everything. Even our first time. Oh, hey. I know she's special, babe. But if we want our house, we have to get real some time. Yeah. And pay for things like, you know, water ` even if it should be free. Totally. OK. 1 It's so cool that you wanted me to do your hair for your big day. Well, you are my sister. And you're cheap. You're so mean. Maybe I have been a bit hard on you. Just now? No, in general. Are you actually apologising to me? 'Apologising' isn't quite the word I'd use. Well, you can if you want. You've done really well for yourself with the business ` even if it is with Imogen. < And you've taken all this stuff with Mum in your stride. I haven't actually been doing that well. You said things were great. I was lying a bit. And I really miss Mum, like, a lot. Yeah. I do too. CELL PHONE VIBRATES (GASPS) Jesus. Sorry. Sorry. Must have left it on. Hello? Mum? Kat? Yeah. Yeah, um, I just wanted to say hi. I'm so glad you called. How are you? Excited for your big day? Uh, yeah. It's weird, but it's exciting. Bianca just did my hair. Oh, bet you look lovely. Hi, Bianca. Hi, Mum. (SNIFFLES) I wish you were here. Me too. I hope today is everything you want it to be, sweetheart. Yeah, thanks, Mum. Um... we'll be thinking about you. K. Bye. Bye, love. SORROWFUL MUSIC INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS This place is gorgeous. Oh, you look wonderful, darling. Thank you. Oh, um, I have something for you. Oh God, you didn't have to do that. No, I` I didn't. It's from your mum. I know you've had your differences, but she does care. Thank you. Oh my goodness, it's hers. How did you get this? Oh, we worked something out. Here. Let me. Thank you. Thanks. Oh, thank you. You look beautiful. God, you're not crying already. It's meant to be a party, Delia. (LAUGHS) 'Scuse me. Well, don't you look gorgeous. Thank you. (CLEARS THROAT) You know I, uh, just wanted to say congratulations. Thanks. You have a big fan in Clayton. Clayton? Clay. How do you know him? Well, who do you think invented shot-a-hole? You recommended me. Well, I may have mentioned the talents of my future daughter-in-law in passing, yeah. You didn't have to do that. 'Course I did. We're family now. < Lance! Wow. You look beautiful. Thank you. What was that about? You and Dad? Oh, nothing. CALM MUSIC Is this the right place? Yeah. Look at the garden. They must spend a fortune on water. Uh, are you OK? Yeah, I'd just like to have a few last moments alone with her, if that's OK. Yeah, of course, babe. Hi! Hi. You made it. Uncle Trevor, I didn't realise you were coming. Well, the invitation said 'and partner'. I'm like an uncle. And with your dad gone, I felt you could use a senior bloke on your team. Definitely senior. Enough of your lip, lady. Hi, hi, I'm Delia. I'm Andrew's mum. God, sorry, Delia. This is my nana, Pat; this is my brother, Leo, and... Hey, Leo. Hi. ...this is Trevor. Vous regardez tres belle. Oh, merci. Parlez-vous francais? I'd love a drink, thank you. Lovely. Merci! He better not try and steal anything. What, like your fiance's mother? Well, I never thought I'd see the day, but you have really fallen on your feet, haven't you, missy? Well, yes. Leo, put the camera down. Go film somewhere else, would you? I would, but this is a video for Mum. Hi, Mum. Wish you were here. (GASPS) She's wearing my necklace. Aw, she's a babe. Isn't she? Oh, you must be Matt! Hi. Hello. Oh, and Oscar. This is Leisha. Oh, hello. Hi. I'm Delia. < Oh, don't you look dashing, young man? Ah, is everything all right? I'm great. Well, I'll just get everyone a drink, eh? Oscar, do you fancy a bit of treasure hunting? OSCAR: Yes, please. Matt, can I talk to you for a second, please? Now? Yes, now. Leisha? What? What in God's name are you...? Why the hell would you bring Leisha here? Cos she's my friend. You've got to be kidding me. You knew we were friends, and the invitation said 'and partner'. David is a client at the Hanky Panky. He is? How do you know? Um, I've gotta talk to Kat. I'll catch up with you in a minute, eh? Sure, Andrew. ...to my engagement party. I'd prefer if you don't call her that. Dad, are you coming? Yeah, of course, buddy. This doesn't have to be a big deal, does it? Everything OK, Kat? Yeah. Yeah, it's fine, yeah. INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS David, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. Well, we both got a bit of a surprise, then, didn't we? Yeah. So, what is he ` your boyfriend or your pimp? A good friend. Whatever. OK. You must understand you can't be here now, so please leave quickly and quietly. That'll be the end of it. Josh is here. Already? Yeah. Uh, here's the cash. I'll take out my commission later. I didn't think it'd happen so quick. Yeah, well, a fast deal's a good deal. < Plus, he lives just down the road. What a surprise (!) < I know. He has a massive place, like, right near here. Huge pool. We doing this? Yup. Sweet. Your sister's done all right for herself, hasn't she? What does that mean? If you're going to marry, then marry into money. She's marrying Andrew because she loves him. Oh! Where does love get you? I mean, look at you ` poor as a church mouse. And what's that Maori boy ever going to give you? Hm? He gives me heaps. She only takes premium gas, OK? She doesn't do regular. No worries, mate. Stop! Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop. The hell are you doing? I'm sorry, but this car isn't for sale. It definitely is. Babe, we have to. We don't. We'll find another way. Ignore her, Josh. She's a crazy woman. Run her over if you have to. No, no. Here. Come on, you can't do this to me. Yes, I can. This is bullshit. I'll lose my commission. < Josh, wait. Babe? I love you. And what you love, I love. And it's more important than money. What are you doing? I have to go. David asked me to. You're not doing anything wrong. I still have to go. We'll come with you, then. No, you and Oscar have to stay. It's your sister's party. Sorry if you're embarrassed, but it's a free country. Actually, I'm paying for it all, so` I was invited, asked to bring a partner. Leisha has every right to be here. OK, it's all really stirring stuff. Matt, just leave it, please. Is everything all right? What do you think? I'm sorry, Kat, but if Leisha's leaving, I'm leaving too. < Matt, please, just leave it. Guys, can we just wrap up this debate, please? You're a hypocrite, mate. Matt. You're happy to cheat on your wife, but you don't want anyone to know about it. Matt. (CLEARS THROAT) Mum wanted me to let you know it's time for your speech. Cool. Well, Matt and Leisha were just going. Uh, you have a prior engagement? I'll go get Oscar. What did he mean Dad's happy to cheat? Come on, lovebirds ` speeches time. Come on! I'm sorry we had to leave early, Oscar. I'm feeling a bit sick. Poor you. Shall I go and get you some flowers? I'm so sorry I caused such a mess. You have nothing to be sorry about. David is a client of mine ` a regular. You don't have to explain. I made you leave your sister's engagement party. No. I left because I wanted to be with you. You're amazing. This, uh, might be stupid, but... I wondered if instead of being my pretend girlfriend, you'd consider upgrading? I'd love to be your real girlfriend. UPLIFTING MUSIC These are beautiful, Oscar. Thank you. Kat is a wonderful young woman, and Delia and I couldn't be more honoured to have her join our family. I wish the two of you every happiness in the world ` all of the happiness that I've been lucky enough to experience with my rock, my beautiful wife, Delia. Yeah. Now, this woman has been my better half for many years. Hopefully, many more to come. I'd like to ask you all to raise a glass. Andrew and Kat. ALL: Andrew and Kat. GUESTS CHEER Andrew. Now you can tell me. What was your brother saying about Dad? Come on. Why did he take off like that? OK, OK. Leisha, Matt's girlfriend,... is a sex worker. Like a prostitute? And... your father... has been visiting the place where she works. How do you know? Because... Mum owns it. You're saying that my father and that girl...? And you knew about this? Andrew, I am so sorry. How long, Kat? Does it matter? No. You're right. It doesn't matter. Oh no.