(engines roaring) ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): And we're back at the final stretch of the Indianapolis 500. Guy Gagne is gaining on the pack. The young French Canadian is making quite an impression in his debut here at the Motor Speedway. In all my years of racing, I've never seen a driver with this much raw talent. But what's this? Out of nowhere a dark horse is challenging Gagne. He's gaining on the pack. ANNOUNCER: And down the front stretch... Moving into fourth position, third, now second! ANNOUNCER: Going to the outside as they cross the bricks. And it looks like the winner is Turbo! (imitates crowd cheering) Unbelievable. Instant replay. Again in super slo-mo. Whoo! (grunts) (gasps) (clattering) (rewinding) Welcome back, race fans. We're here with Indy's brightest new star, Guy Gagne. Tell us, Guy, what inspired you to become a race driver? -Well... -You know, Dan, everybody's got that one thing that makes them happy, and for me, it's terrifying, terrifying blazing speed. -(reporters clamouring) -Guy! Guy! -Uh, one at a time, please. -Theo. Uh, yes, the handsome fellow in the back. (sighs) What are you doing? What I've always done: stay focused, try to run my race. That's all any driver can do. Next question. - Can you please go to sleep? We've got work tomorrow. - Sleep? Are you kidding me? It takes hours to come down after a big race like this. Yeah, I bet, OK. -(Guy laughs) -Guy, when you were just a rookie starting out in the Indy Lights, did you ever dream that you'd be standing here today? Well, as my dear father always told me, no dream is too big -and no dreamer too small. -Too small. Sleep! (groans) (crickets chirping) (blows) Head in the game, head in the game. (blowing) (grunts) (panting) (tired groaning) (gasping) Yes, 17 minutes! That's a new record! -(cheers) -Theo! (birds chirping) -(yawns) -Good morning. (gargles, spits) (indistinct chatter) TURBO: Let's go, people. Pick it up. (groans) Turbo ready to make his move. (grunting) Did you see that? She cut me off. Ah, the joys of racing. How could anyone not see the appeal of watching a bunch of cars drive around in circles for hours on end? Left turn, left turn, left turn. Your ignorance saddens me to no end. Left turn. Uh, what do I do here? Oh, no, wait a minute, left turn! -(laughs) -(sighs) -Morning, Chet. How's it going, Sally? Morning, Chet. -Morning, Phil. -(crow squawks) Well, that's a shame. And so begins another wonderful work week at the plant. (whistling) All right, people, we got a lot of tomatoes to harvest today. We got to pick 'em, we got to sort 'em, we got to eat 'em, but most importantly, we got to be... ALL: Safe. Yes! Music to my ears. (whistles) Look at her. Nice curves. Oh, you are one giant, juicy temptress. Mmm, Big Red. Any day now. (sighs) Any day now. -Overripe. -Overripe. Overripe. (grunts) Oh, no. (flies buzzing) (grunts) Here we go. Bring it on. (chuckles) (grunts) Whoop, not this time. (flies buzzing) (Turbo groans) And the cars are at the starting line. Gagne is in the top pole position, driving his trademark number one overripe tomato. Next to him is that feisty young upstart Turbo. "Gentlemen, start your engines." Gagne rolls into the lead around the first turn with Turbo hot on his tail, into the straightaway. H-Hey, there he goes again. (laughs) And down the home stretch, the crowd goes wild! Go, Turbo! They're neck and neck! Gagne, Turbo! Turbo, Gagne! And it looks like the winner is... (chanting): Turbo! Turbo! -Oh, so close! -(laughter) -It's a photo finish! -(gasps) (laughter continues) Overripe! (laughter continues) All right, all right, knock it off. Talk to your brother, Chet, or I will. Uh, I'm on it, Carl. This will not happen again. Uh-huh, heard that before. (chuckles): OK. (sighs) That's lunch! (indistinct chatter) You do this to yourself, you know. I mean, look at you. How could they not make fun of you? It's like you're almost forcing them. Uh... (sighs) If you'd just quit it with the speed stuff... I can't help it. It's in me. Mm, no, it is not in you. -Says who? -Nature. Mother Nature. Maybe you've heard of her. We all have our limitations, Theo. And the sooner you accept the dull, miserable reality of your existence, the happier you'll be. Wow. Aren't you just a little ray of sunshine. (garage door opening) Heads up! Shell crusher, two o'clock. (slurps) (crunch) (sinister chuckle) All right, people, you know the drill! Tuck and roll! (snails grunting) (strains) Can't tuck. I can't tuck. (grunts) (Turbo groans) Theo, tuck and roll. We've been over this-- I don't tuck and roll. You have a shell for a reason. Use it. You use it. I mean, come on, he's not even looking this way. Hey, juice box, nice tricycle! -You see what I'm say...? -(both grunt) All right, good hustle! Good hustle, everybody! -(scoffs) - Almost everybody. (kettle whistles) TURBO: Quitting time. Good night, Jim, night, Sally, night, Steve. I don't know your name. I'm out of here, bye. ANNOUNCER: You're watching FAST, sponsored by Adrenalode. TURBO: Adrenalode not legal in Utah and South Dakota. Do not exceed more than two cans of Adrenalode in a 24-hour period. Do not expose Adrenalode to flame or to water or to sand. Yes! (gulps) (hoarsely): Oh, that tastes awesome. Welcome back to The Road to Indianapolis. I'm here with five-time Indy champ, the legendary Guy Gagne. -I love you, Guy! -Tell us, Guy, do you have any advice for the future racers out there who might be watching at home right now? Oh, my gosh, that's me, that's me. (Adrenalode sizzles) Well, there comes a time in every race when a driver is forced to make that one key, split-second decision-- fall behind or push ahead. -Push ahead! -To take a chance and risk it all or play it safe and suffer defeat. Risk it all, Guy! Well, what really separates the racers from the champion... Yes. That one thing that separates the ordinary from the extraordinary... -What is it? -(Adrenalode sizzling) -That one thing is... -(electricity crackles) Huh?! (grunting) No! No, you didn't, no! No, no, no, no! (grunting): Come back to me, TV. (sobbing) (whimpers) Huh? (gasps) (grunts) (panting) (grunting) (gasps, laughs) -Only you have your... -It's working! (TV shatters) -Morning, Bob. -Morning, Sally. -Morning, Steve. -(crow squawks) -Morning! (all sigh) You know, this is good. Yes, this is good. I dare say we've had a breakthrough here. With that TV gone, you can finally get out of that garage and put all that racing nonsense behind you. And do what? Start living your life. I have a life? (rumbling) Big Red? Big Red! (grunts) I can't tuck. I can't tuck! -Yes! -Finally. -(snails cheering) -All right, let's chow down! Whoa, whoa, whoa, hit the brakes, people. It's gardener day. You're quitting? Just like that? Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained. That's a bad thing! (lawn mower sputtering) There comes a time in every race when a driver is forced to make that one key, split-second decision. What did he just say? Take a chance and risk it all or play it safe and suffer defeat. (chuckles): OK. Enough with the crazy talk, Theo. Just step away from the grass and get back to work... Theo! And the cars are at the starting line. Gentlemen, start your engines. (lawn mower starts) Once again, it's Turbo out front. (panting) (echoing): No dream is too big. In the high lane, at the stripe! (crowd cheering) And it looks like the winner is... Tuck and roll, Theo! Tuck and roll! No. (grunts) (groans, clicks tongue) -(whimpers softly) -CHET: Are you insane? You could have gotten yourself killed. Theo, what were you thinking? I thought I could get there. When are you gonna wake up? (crickets chirping) (grass rustling softly) (thunder rumbling softly) (vehicles whooshing) (engines roaring) (gasps) I wish... I wish I was... (jet engine roaring) (truck horn blaring) (straining) (yells) (gasps) (yelling) (grunting, gasping) (grunts) (yells) (grunts) -Whew. That was close. -(engine starts) -Oh! Aah! (engine rumbling) (shrieks) (engines revving) Oh, no. (tyres screeching) (screaming) (screaming) (laughs) Yeah! (fierce grunt) (imitates fierce grunt) No, no, no, no, no! Come on! Faster! (engine revving) (screaming) (grunts) (gasping) (grunts) (high-pitched whirring) No, no, no, no! (muffled grunting) (electrical whooshing) (engine roaring) (heart beating steadily) (heartbeat accelerating) (yells) Whoa! (groans) (groans heavily) What happened? (shrieks) Hey, hey, hey! Get out of here! Not dead! Not dead! (shudders) -(crows cawing) -(gasps) (panting) (cawing continues) (Turbo grunting) Oh, it reeks in here. Ugh, it's like wearing a hat made out of feet. (grunting) (panting heavily) (laughs) (panting) (sighs): Home. Ah... ah... (sighs) (chuckles) All right. I'm OK. Whew! (electricity crackles) Wha...? Oh. That's peculiar. (screaming) (sputters) OK, what's happening to me? -(car alarm wailing) -Oh! Wha...? Oh, that's me! Oh, come on, what's th... Stop it! (whispering): Shh, shh, shh, quiet. Quiet! -(alarm continues wailing) -Stop it! Stop it! Stop it, stop it, stop it! (grunts) (alarm chirps off) Welcome, everyone, to this monthly safety meeting. (crow squawks) Well, there goes Jerry. All right, I'm gonna hand things over to Chet now, who has some important new policies to go over. Thank you very much, Carl. Good afternoon, everyone. I'm, uh, happy to poli-see you all here today. -(Carl groans) -(Chet chuckles) -(crickets chirping) 'Kay, I would like to begin with some very exciting news. Latest figures are in. Accidental smushes were down 15%. Well done, team. (applause, murmuring) (groans) RADIO # It's tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time. It's tricky! # Tricky, tricky, trrrr-icky! # WOMAN: Yo, yo, you're listening to 98.6, with hip-hop (imitates record scratching) beats! (static crackles, radio stops) (nervous chuckle, sighs) RADIO: # What's new, pussycat? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... -(radio station changes) -(man speaking Spanish) (mariachi music playing) (mariachi yipping) (wheels squeaking) (slurps) (hip-hop music playing) # Drop it like it's hot, drop it like it's hot... # (grunts) (radio stops) (sighs) Finally. -Vroom! Vroom! -(Turbo gasps) (sinister chuckle) (smoke hissing) Huh? (panting) What in the...? (heartbeat accelerating) (high-pitched whirring) (screaming) (gasping) (Turbo whirring, screeching) Oh! (snorts) (wheels squeak) Yah...! (gasps) (smoke hissing) (yelling) (Turbo gasping) Oh! (shrieks) (screams) (boy yells) TURBO: Whoa...! (grunts) (sinister chuckle) -(gasps) -(high-pitched whirring) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Help! (laughs) Stop! St-Stop! (gasps) Mom! (grunts) Oh! (sobbing) Ha-ha! Yeah! Whoa! Oh, no! -(Carl snoring) -And so, in preparation for Crow Awareness Week, I'd just like to say... (bicycle bell jingling) ...tuck and roll! -(laughter) -No, I'm not kidding! Tuck and roll! (snails gasp) -(gasping) -(bell jingling) (snails screaming) You don't have a girlfriend. You don't need a lot of calls or text. You need data ` for dating sites, like Honey Badger. (LAUGHS) You do have a girlfriend. You need less data and more calls ` lovey-dovey calls. # You make me... # You don't have a girlfriend again. She won't return your calls. You need more text. Things change. Now your Prepay can too. Get more of what you need and less of what you don't with Vodafone My Flex Prepay. TURBO: Granted, yes, I admit that there's been a-a wee bit of damage to inventory... here, but if you'd just let me explain... You're fired! Whoa, whoa, OK, Carl. If you just give him one more chance, I promise that this will never, ever... You don't understand. YOU'RE fired! You! Plural! You's! Y'all! Both of you! (spits) (grumbles) (sighs) Chet... I'm so sorry. You have to believe me, I didn't mean for this to... All my life... (chuckles) ...all my life, I've defended you, covered for you, stood up for you, apologized for you, and this is what I get in return! Dragged down with you on your sinking ship! A nice comfy deck chair on the SS Theo! Aye, aye, Cap'n! I'm really sorry. What is wrong with you?! TURBO: I don't know. All I know is, the other night, I'm standing above the 101, and all of a sudden... It was a rhetorical question! -(crow squawks) -(Chet screams) Chet! Help! The world is moving! (high-pitched whirring) (Turbo yelling) (Chet screams) -(screeching) -(gasps) TURBO: Whoa! Coming through! (boy grunts) Hey! (yelling) -(crows cawing) -OK, I'm gonna wake up any minute now. Wake up! Wake up! (gasps) (screaming) Chet? (high-pitched whirring) Easy now, fellas. You really don't want to do this. (loud cawing) (screams) Chet! -(muffled whirring) -(puzzled caw) (whirring continues) (squeaking) (muffled whirring) (cawing) (gasping anxiously) Am I dead? Is this... Heaven? I pictured it... cleaner. Come on; get up. (gasps) Theo! Oh, the crows got you, too. What? No. Chet, no. It wasn't the crows, it was... -(horn honking) -Aah! Look at this place! Broken glass, rusty nails... Breathe... Discarded salt packets?! A few. Yeah. It's like a minefield out here! (shouts) (gasps) Oh! Oh, no. I've got tetanus. I've got tetanus-- my jaw's locking up! (grunting, speaking indistinctly) Chet, will you calm down? There is no reason to panic. Everything's gonna be just... fine. (both gasp) Well, well, well. Buenas noches, little amigos. (man laughing) This must be my lucky day! (auto-dial beeping) Hola. It's Tito. Hey, tell everyone I'm bringin' it. (engine starts) (music playing in truck) (turns up volume, music blares) (singing in Spanish along with music) (laughing) (siren wailing) (brakes squeaking) What is this place? (indistinct conversations) Somebody better call the cops, 'cause I'm about to make a killing! -(laughter) -Killing?! What'd he drag in this time? (indistinct chatter) Hah! Whiplash is going to eat them up. (whimpers) It's gonna be a slaughter. Mm-hmm. Dead meat. (gasping anxiously) We're gonna die. We're gonna die. Whoa! Oh! Come on, come on, come on, hurry up. MAN: Kim-Ly, you want ten, I'll give you ten. (grunting) Little far from home, aren't you... garden snail? (deep chuckling) Hey, I think we got a crier here. Let's do this. -Whoo! Whoo! -I got this one. -Oh, I got this one. Yeah! Yeah, yeah! -This is me! -Time to go, Theo! -(whimpers) -TITO: Ready... (imitates revving engine) Set... (snails imitating revving engines) Go! (all shouting) (shouting stops) (revving resumes) (screaming) Ha-ha! Look! He dead! (all laughing) Taco Man found dead snail. (laughter continues) -(whirring) -What? (high-pitched whirring) -Aah! -Huh? Wha...? -(Turbo yells) (screeching) (revving) -Run! -(all shouting) Santa Maria! What did you say your name was again? My name... is Turbo. Oh, I wish I could rename myself. Where did you find him? How did he do that? Where did you come from? Hey, how'd you do that? Theo, a word, please? OK, that was, um, uh... Amazing, right? If you think that's something, check this out. -Boo! -Aah! Turn it off! Sorry. High beams. -(clicking) -Sorry! -(steady beeping) -Ooh, that's a new one. It's OK, it's OK, Theo. Just hang in there. As soon as we get home, we're gonna get you fixed. I... I don't need to be fixed! What? Th-Th-There's nothing wrong with me, Chet! Nothing wrong with you?! You're... you're... you're a freak of nature! I know! I know! Isn't it great? Theo... You know what? I prefer Turbo. I don't what crazy lab you escaped from, but you're amazing, little amigo! Amazing! MAN: Tito! Mm... Um... one second, please. Do you see that sign? What does it say? -Angelo... -It says "Dos Bros Tacos." Dos bros, Tito. Not uno bro. You're supposed to be out there selling tacos, not racing snails! I know, but this little guy's something special. I'm telling you, Angelo, the customers are gonna be lining up around the block! I can see it already: "Come for the snail racing, stay for the chimichangas!" Huh? Get your head out of the clouds, Tito! It's enough with your crazy schemes! No! You're a taco genius, Angelo, and it is my mission in life to share your gift with the world! Great. Then, first thing in the morning, get in that truck and go sell some tacos! (sighing): Ah, Tito. (sighs heavily) TITO: You sure you had enough to eat? Are you tired? Here... I made up your bed. Now, it might get a little chilly tonight, so I warmed up your blanket. There you go. All comfy and cosy. All right, sweet dreams, little amigo. I'll see you in the morning. (wry laugh) Did he really just kiss you good night? He did. Jealous? (thumping) Question: what gives with the super speed? Hey, hey, you a robot? Are you radioactive, homie? Is it contagious? Give the kid some space. I'm Whiplash. This here is my crew. I'm Skid Mark! (squeaking) Aw, yeah! And I'm Burn. Sizzle, sizzle, uh, uh. The name is Smoove Move. I set the tone around here, you dig? Now, check this-- right about now, I'm moving so fast, the whole world's going in slow-motion, baby. ALL: Whoa...! Here one second, gone the next. They call me... the White Shadow! 'Cause I'm so fast, all you see is my shadow. I don't get it. I'm fast! Like a shadow! Yeah, but shadows, they're not inherently fast. (whispers): White Shadow. TURBO: I can still see you. Listen, garden snail, you clearly got the skills to pay the bills. If snails had to pay bills, that is. You... would be able to pay them. Yeah. Bills. Paid in full, son. So... I'm here to invite you to join our crew. (snickers, clears throat) Join your crew? Did I say something humorous? I'm sorry. It's just that you-you guys are, you know, kinda slow... ish. -Oh! -Ah, man! -Really? To our faces? Theo, what are you doing? Now I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear what I clearly just heard. Heard what? (nervous laugh) I didn't hear anything. Nothing out of order-- did you, Theo? Oh, I meant what I said. Well, then you better put your money where your mouth is. Snails don't have money. Otherwise, we'd be able to pay the bills. Remember? Your trash talk is needlessly complicated! Is it? Or is it that your unpaid bills... are overdue. Enough talk! It's time... for action. It's simple: first one to the top of that shooting star... wins. (Turbo scoffs) (laughs): You guys. Way up there, huh? Awesome. Let me get my calendar, so I can time you. -(Smoove Move scoffs) -Oh, you got jokes, rookie? -Laugh it up, garden snail. On your mark... Get yourself set... Prepare to be White Shadowed! -(all shouting) -# # -Whoa! -Whoa! Wha-hah! Yeah! Ha, ha! Whoo! Yeah! Bam! Oh-ho! Coming through! Oh! Those guys are crazy! Those guys are awesome! SMOOVE MOVE: Hey, player! The party up here! Whoo! Ha-ha! Whoo! How do I get up there? -Whoa! -(grunts) Later! (laughing) Oh! Whoa! Hah! -Coming through! -Whoo! -(laughing) -Yeah! (clacking) Who's slowest now, garden snail? (all laughing) (Tito laughs) OK. Today, everything changes. ANGELO: Tito, what are you doing? Planning a taco-volution! It's a little concept that I came up with when you combine the word... "Taco" and "revolution." I get it. But how is that supposed to help us sell tacos? Patience, bro. Taco-volutions don't happen in a day. # Talking about a taco-volution. (groans) # Salsa and chips there, huh. # -(bus approaching) -(Tito gasps) MAN (over P.A.): And next stop on our tour is the L.A. River. -Ooh, ooh, ooh. - Famous for its appearance in such movies as... (groans) -Get-get out! -(crows cawing) Sorry, Paz! Can you throw that up here? -(imitating engines) -WHIPLASH: Coming to get you. -Whoo, I'm coming to get you! -(laughter) -Bye. (phone ringing) -Hey. -(grunts) Valley Hobby. This is Bobby. How can I help you? No, you got the wrong number. Yeah, OK. (sighs) -That's what I'm talking about! -(laughter) You want Jackson 5 on your feet? One Jackson per toe. Sure. Knock yourself out. Mmm, can't get no better. (sputtering sigh) Mmm. (sighs) Mmm. CHET: OK, so what's your plan, huh? Stay here in this run-down strip mall with a bunch of lunatic snails and a nutso taco man who is using you to sell Mexican food?! Because if that's your plan, then whoo-whoopdy-skippy-doo, sign me up! TITO: My ears are burning. I hope you're not talking about me. You two seem to have a special connection, little amigo, and snail who seems to be friends with little amigo. Is this your mother? -(chuckles) -Your sister? -(laughs) Oh, say no more. It's your girlfriend. -(Turbo snorting) -(Chet groans) Ah, she's a cutie. (snarls) Ow! Hmm. Women. (sighs) I have to admit, I was kind of hoping the taco-volution would have started by now. (sighs) (sighs) (groans) It doesn't make sense. With my brains and your speed, we should be destined for greatness, right? We need to think big, little amigo. I'm talking commercials, talk shows, county fairs, mm... flea markets-- no, farmers' markets, no, supermarkets. We'll cover all the markets. Uh, quinceaneras, confirmations, graduations... (gasps) The Indy 500. Oh, I got it! We could have our very own telenovela! What? No. (whirring) Oh! (Turbo laughs, whoops) Oh, this is it, Chet. I knew we ended up here for a reason. (whoops) Whoa! Will you just slow down for a second? Slow down? Are you kidding? I'm never going slow again! (whoops) Theo, stop! Whoa! Aah! What are you trying to say? I want to enter him in the Indy 500. The Indy 500? What are you talking about? What is he talking about? Now, look, I know it may sound a little crazy... No, no, no, Tito, that doesn't sound crazy. Dos Bros Tacos and Sushi-- that was crazy. What? People love sushi. Dos Bros Tacos and Monkey Petting Zoo -- that was crazy. The babies were cute; the adults were just so mean. Taco Man and his sidekick, The Churro? Oh, that was off the hook crazy! (scoffs) Crazy awesome. But this, Tito, this is in a category all by itself. Angelo, please. Come on, Chet, just hear me out. Theo, a snail cannot race in a competition meant for cars. There are rules. Actually, I've been doing a lot of research, and there's nothing in the rules that says a snail can't enter the race. -There's nothing that says this sponge can't enter the race either, but that doesn't mean it's ever gonna happen. Millions of people watch that race. Uh-huh. This could put us on the map, bro. Trying to work here. Ah, come on, Angelo. All we have to do is raise the $20,000 registration fee. -What? -And I figured once we sell the truck... Sell the... Are you even listening to yourself, Tito? You want to invest our entire life savings in a snail! I'm telling you, this snail crawled into our lives for a reason. I think he could be our little shooting star. Did you hear that, Chet? This guy believes in me. That guy is as crazy as you are. They'll never let you into that race. And even if they did, you wouldn't survive one lap. -Yeah, but... -Angelo, listen. -Tito! -Theo! Not every dream is meant to come true. Yeah, what he said. (Tito and Turbo sigh) (chuckles) A snail in the Indy 500. (chuckles) What will you think of next? (sighs) (Turbo revving) (chuckles) Don't worry, little amigo. We'll get that entrance fee somehow. (door closes) Hmm. Now, I know some people may say $20,000 sounds like a lot of money. It is a lot of money. And I know some people may say I'm crazy, but I say, when a snail crawls into your life at 200 miles an hour, then you'd have to be crazy not to grab on to that shell and take a ride of a lifetime. -(Chet gasps) -Now, in case you're still not convinced, boom! Check out my well-designed endorsement poster. # We are the champions, my friend. (grunting) - # And we keep on fighting... -What's your point, Tito? My point is we got a chance to change our lives for the better, to make Starlight Plaza the great place we all know it could be. Now, come on. Who's ready to sponsor the next Indy 500 champion?! (mechanical clunking) (air wheezing) Sorry, Tito, but I've got work to do. No, you don't. None of you do! I don't get it. That poster was awesome. Ah, well. Good try. You did your best. Time to go home, Theo. Oh, we're going to Indianapolis, Chet. Don't you worry your chubby little face about that! Mwah! All right, team. (necks cracking) Snail up! (popping) MAN (over P.A.): And next up on our tour is the L.A. River. Famous for its appearance in such movies as... (gasps) -You've just been White Shadowed. -Whoa! (whoops) Next up is the Starlight Plaza! (man screams) -(tyres screeching) -(car horns honking) -(screaming, laughter) -Yes! - (tyres screeching) Burn, let's get this party started! You know it. -Snailed it. -Skid Mark, you bringing the beverages? Oh, I got a beverage for you and a beverage for you. (screaming) (laughing) -(people sighing) -(tyres hissing) Light her up, Turbo! (over radio): Do your thing, baby! (people gasping) Hey, Angelo, we got customers! Whoa! OK, you ready? Go! Whoa! Huh? (cheering) (grunts) All right. You're good to go. -OK, everybody, back on the bus. -Oh. -Mama, you look good. Bye, come again. I do weddings, bar mitzvahs... Thank you. Come back soon. Tomorrow, later on today. I'll be here. Good luck with that snail of yours. Thank you, my friend! I got to hand it to you, Tito. For once, one of your crazy schemes worked. (chuckles) I know! And, hey, if we did better because of that billboard, just imagine what the Indy 500 could do. Hey, don't go crazy on me. We had a good day. We sold a few extra tacos. It's good enough. You better not mess this up, Tito. Mm-hmm. (gasps) (laughs) Oh! Oh, no. Oh, yes. We're going to Indianapolis, Chet! I to the N to the Dizzy to the whizz-Y, you dig? -(laughter) -Yes, sir! One breakfast burrito, please. (explosion) (coughing) That's it. I'm sorry, honey. Today's the day. Tito...! # I'm goin' back to Indiana! # (laughter, whooping) You ready, big man? On three! -One, two... -(chuckles) (snails grunt) Indy, baby! -(cell phone ringing) -(Chet screams) (phone beeps, chimes) (sighs) (horns honking) Oh, oh, oh, I got it! Fasty! Are you kidding me? Hmm? Oh! Turbo! All right, as the kids say, time to plump your ride. Oh, heck no! Whoop! Whoop! Let's do this! (laughs) Now, that's more like it. (sparks crackling) Bah-bah-bah, no twitching. Voila. Ooh-whee! Suited and booted, gooted and looted, dipped and whipped! We got a contender, baby! (revving) -(laughter) -Oh, look at him go! (horn blares) (sighs) Fresh air, baby. We ain't in Van Nuys no more. -(chuckles) -Mm-mm. (panting) (sighs) Aah! Hi, Chet. You're gonna be my boyfriend. I'm gonna call you "boo." Boo? What does that even mean? Sure beats the view from the garden, huh? (sighs) (chuckles) I can't believe you're doing this. We. We are doing this. You. I'm just a hostage. Theo, what happens if you wake up tomorrow and your powers are gone? Hmm? What then? Then I better make the most of today. (cars zooming) (whistles) This is even bigger than Hobby Con. Wow, now that's a car. Whoa, shiny. (chuckles) (gasps) (Turbo gasps) (car approaching) Gagne. (panting) Whoa. ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): And Guy Gagne wins the pole with a four-lap average of 230 miles per hour. That's Gagne's best time yet. Turbo's never gone that fast. I mean, yet. (groans) So, you got a plan, Taco Man? Of course I do. Please tell me those phoney glasses are not your plan. Uh, no. That would be ridiculous. (whispers): Come on, phoney glasses, do your thing. (whirring) Oh, just great. I'm gonna go have heart attack. (clears throat) Que pasa, my friend? I have a driver that I'd like to enter into the race. What team does your driver race for? Dos Bros Tacos and Company. Has he passed the rookie test? Hey, come here. Let's cut to the chase, OK? You have glasses, I have glasses. What do we got to do to get this done, bro? Hey, let go! Come on, man, let go! That's no way to treat a guy with glasses! I have... astigmatism and stuff! -GUARD: Yeah, yeah. -(Turbo sighs) (car approaching) (crowd murmuring) REPORTERS: Guy! Guy! Guy, how do you do it, shattering your own records year after year? (chuckles) Well, when a cheetah chases after a gazelle, does he ever stop to think, "Maybe I've caught enough gazelles. Maybe I should just settle down, try the vegan thing." No! He keeps running as long as his legs will carry him. I am like the cheetah. I never give up! Next question. REPORTERS: Guy! Guy! Guy! All right, give me the keys. I'll drive the first shift home. -(whirring) -Whoa, what gives? Hey! (grunts) (groans) Whoa. -(people gasping) -MAN: Hey! No, no, no, no, no, no! (grunts) (panting) Can I help you, monsieur? (chuckles) One second, please. What are you doing? Are you trying to get me arrested? -Oh. -MAN: Sorry! So, so sorry. We'll have this under control. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the next Indy 500 champion! Huh? Huh? Is that a... snail? Your-your driver is a snail? (laughter) (microphone feedback squeals) Huh, what kind of welcome is that? Oh, I'd say an appropriate welcome, given the situation. GUARD: All right, game over, nut job. -Hey. -Let's go. -Have a nice flight, Chet. -Huh? -Hit it! -White Shadow! -(Chet screaming) Bonzai! Oh, get it off! Pedal to the metal, Turbo! (grunts) Go! (chuckles) Whoa. (laughs) Yeah! Whoa! That snail is fast! (panting) (shuddering) (coughs) Whew. What did I miss? What'd I miss? (Tito whoops) 2.26! (laughs) That's fast enough to qualify! -(reporters clamouring) (laughs) That's what I'm talking about! BOY (over speaker): Whoa! That snail is fast! Oh, man, wait till people see this! BOY (over speaker): Whoa! That snail is fast! What?! Are you seeing this?! (gags) -(phone rings) -MAN: Hello. -WOMAN: Have you heard? -BOY: Whoa! -Yes, I've heard. -WOMAN: That snail is fast. MAN: Forget about it. This will blow over by noon. BOY (over speaker): Whoa! That snail is fast! -(laughs) -(phone ringing) -Hello. -MAN: Have you seen it? -Yes, I've seen it! (phone chimes) -(electronic music playing) -BOY: Whoa! That snail is fast! (echoing): What?! (Auto-Tuned): # That snail is fast! # That snail is fast! # You see the snail moving fast. You slow, you gon' get passed. # You see him gaining position for first ` he won't be last. # He's ready to make a dash. # Snail quicker than a lightning flash. # His engine's roaring, he's flooring. He won't run out of gas! (snails gasp) # Whoa! That snail is fast. That snail is fast, fast, fast, fast, fast... # -Whoa! Are you seeing this?! -Whoa. You cannot have a snail in the Indy 500. -Whoa! -It's a miracle of nature! -What?! -FEMALE REPORTER: Will the snail be crushed by the giant race cars? -(screams) -Whoo! -# That snail is fast. Fast, fast, fast, fast, fast... # (excited, overlapping voices) Whoa. That snail is fast. We have just received word that the CEO of IndyCar is about to make a statement. (camera shutters clicking) -(microphone feedback squeals) -(CEO clears throat) And so, after careful consideration and... (ringtone playing): # That snail is fast. That snail is fast. # -(phone beeps) -Sorry. My bad. -(sighs) I've decided... Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say no. Please say no. (whispers): White Shadow. I've decided that I simply cannot permit a snail to enter... Please, sir, give my snail a shot, and I swear you won't regret it. Mr. Lopez, while I appreciate your enthusiasm, my decision is... (chanting): Let him race! Let him race! (others joining in): Let him race! Let him race! Let him race! Let him race! Let him race! -Now, now... Order. -Let him race! Let him race! Ah, sir, if I may. You might want to get a two-shot here. I, like this passionate gentleman here, came from humble beginnings. In the words of my dear father, "No dream is too big, and no dreamer too small." And that is why I, for one, believe that if the Indy 500 isn't going to put a limit on speed, then it shouldn't put a limit on spirit! (cheering and applause) Give the people what they want. Let him race! CROWD (chanting): Let him race! Let him race! Let him race! Just me. Let him race! -Whole frame, my face. -Let him race! Let him race! Let him race! -All right! -Let him race... All right... what? Your snail can compete in the Indianapolis 500. -(gasps) -(Turbo chuckles) -(crowd cheering) Yeah! Has the world lost its mind?! Gracias, amigo! Gracias! Muchas gracias! Gracias, senor! (laughs) (whooping and laughing) To Turbo. -It's amazing! -Starlight Plaza! Hey! He ain't slow no mo'. That's for sho'. Shut the do'. Get on the flo'. Barbecue sauce. Huh? Huh? ANNOUNCER (over TV): And we're back with more from Indianapolis. -Check it out. We're on TV. Mr. Lopez, how do you feel about getting to compete in the Indy 500? (sobbing): I'm just so... I'm just so happy. And we'd all be happy to see you come on down to the Starlight Plaza. Just north of the 101 in Van Nuys, California. KIM-LY: Kim-Ly Nail Salon, where we put the "nail" in "snail." -(laughter) -Ow! Taco Man cried in front of millions of people. (laughter) (chatter continues) KIM-LY: Forget infomercials. I'm having my own talk show. -(laughter) TITO: Here you go, Paz. Nice and warm. Good night, Tito. You comfy enough, Bobby? Uh, no. OK, let me know if you need anything. Ah! No touching! Hmm. (snails snoring) (snoring): Smoove, Smoove, Smoove. All right, sleep tight, little amigo. We got a big day tomorrow. CHET: Yep. Big day indeed. Hmm. I'm detecting a refreshing note of disapproval. I'm worried. And you should be, too. I'll be fine. You are delusional. You know that? (sighs) It-it-it's Big Red all over again. Only this time, instead of one lawn mower, it'll be 32 giant, fire-breathing cars. And I won't be able to save you. You won't have to, because this time, I have speed. You're not a car. You're a snail. I got a shot here, Chet. I can do this. You'll see. No, I won't. I will not stand by and watch the only brother I've got risk his life chasing some impossible dream. I'm sorry, Theo. (scoffs) All of these people, they believe in me. Guy Gagne believes in me. Why won't you? And by the way, my name is Turbo. (quiet clattering in distance) All right, tout suite. Let's go. (whirring) Whoa. 2.2-litre turbo V-6. 24-valve, quad overhead cam. Fastest open-wheel, single-seat machine on the planet. (sighs) I think I'm in love. (gasps) No way. You're not trying to steal my trophy, now, from me, are you? (laughs) Because, if you want one for yourself, you may have a long wait. Espresso? So, you are my little competition, eh? The underdog versus the champion. The world loves the underdogs, you know? The dreamers out there-- they need them. Need to believe that one day, maybe they could achieve the impossible, too. Well, the sad truth is, uh... (chuckles) underdogs seldom win. And dreamers... let's just say, eventually, they have to wake up. I've never talked to a snail before. So small, so amusing. No wonder they want to see you race, eh? Vroom! Vroom! (laughs) Look at him go. Ah, thank you, plucky snail. Because of you, the whole world will be watching this race. And when the chequered flag drops, they'll be watching me win. Crawl home, garden snail. While you still can. ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): Good afternoon, race fans, and welcome to this year's running of the Indianapolis 500, televised in over 200 countries and aired in 33 different languages. This is no longer just a race. This is the day you'll be telling your grandchildren about. (jet engines roaring) Where were you the day they let a snail race in the Indy 500? (sighs) TITO: OK, time to go. You ready? (cell phone ringing) (groans) All right, team meeting. Bring it in. This is it, little amigo. This is our moment. Our time. Today's the day we make our mark! (revving) Everybody in! It's go time! Oh, Theo. Be careful out there. -(Chet groans) -Hey, little snail. -Are you lost? -No. -Are you a boy or a girl? -Why is this confusing?! I'm not a girl! And there they are, folks: some of the biggest names in motor sports. Shelby Stone, hot off her win in Sao Paulo. ANNOUNCER 2: Oh, and there's Claudio Cruz, aka the Brazilian Butcher. He actually was a butcher before he got into race car driving. -(indistinct chatter) -Whoa! CROWD (chanting): Gagne! Gagne! -Gagne! Gagne! -MAN: Hey. ANNOUNCER: And here he comes, folks, le man, le myth, le legend, le if I could choose anybody in the world to be my best friend, it would be... -Guy Gagne! -(laughs) -Yes, yes. -(chanting): Gagne! Gagne! -(laughs) Gagne, Gagne. (hip-hop music playing loudly over speakers) (fireworks whistling, crackling) You know, food trucks are actually very popular these days, and I tell you what, I do love a good torta. (Tito laughs) Ah, yeah! (whoops) Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. ANNOUNCER: And would you look at those T-shirts? It is amazing what you can do on your printer at home. Ay, Tito, you better know what you're doing. Here you go, little snail. Now you've got the best seat in the house. (gasps) CHET: Oh, no. Nope. This isn't happening. I got to get out of here. (gasps) Stay here. I'll be right back. (muffled): Help. Let me out. Let me out! (panicked gasping) -Breathe. (gasping) -CEO: Good afternoon. And welcome to what has become the most anticipated and unprecedented running of the Indianapolis 500. So, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen... and snail, start your engines! (engines revving, spectators whooping) (laughter) It's like an earthquake! I love it. Is it weird that I love it? MAN: Everyone off the track, please. See you in the winner's circle, garden snail. Easy to the peasy, baby. Everything's gonna be fine, OK? -We can do this, right? -(revving) Oh, I wish I was tiny so I can give you a hug. -Get off the track! -OK, OK, I'm going! Good luck out there, Turbo! (engines revving) Did anybody bring earplugs? What?! Oh, I can't watch this. The pace car is off, and the parade laps are under way. Only moments until the green flag drops and history is made here at Indianapolis. (cheering) (heart beating) (panting) (heartbeat accelerating) (panting heavily) Let's do this. ANNOUNCER: And the race is on! You go, Turbo! (panting, gasping) (yells, gasps) (grunts, screams) (screams, grunts) (gasps) ANNOUNCER: Turbo struggling out there. Looks like the party is over for the motoring mollusc. (gasping, screaming) Oh, he's getting killed out there. What have we done? (cars whooshing) (spectators gasping and groaning) MAN: Whoa. That snail is history. Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick. (laughs) (Turbo yells) (coughing) Come on, garden snail. Get your head in the game. Go, go, go, go! Go! Go! (pit crew speaking French) Go, go, go, go, go! All right, go, go, go, go! (panting) (all yell) -Ow! -TITO: Oh, come on. We're supposed to be a team here. -We're trying. -It's a snail. There's not that much to do. That's it. This pit crew is officially under new management. (grunts) Now, this is how it's done. -Air jack. -Jack-tivate. -(imitates mechanical whirring) -Lube. -Apply liberally. -Detailing. -Wax on, wax off. -Ow! -WHIPLASH: Fuel. Down the hatch. Chug! Chug! Chug! -WHIPLASH: Foot massage. -You know it. (Turbo gasps) WHIPLASH: Relaxing vibes. Own it, brother. (soft rock music playing) Now de-lax those vibes! -Pow! -(hard rock music playing) Are you crazy? Ow! Yeah, I'm crazy! What made you think I was sane?! I-I don't... I-I don't know how to... -Ow! -Are you a car? -No. -Are you a car? -No! Then stop driving like one! Now, get out there. Snail up, baby! -Go, T Boogie! Go! -Go! Go! (whooping and yelling) Gagne with a commanding lead now, followed by Claudio Cruz, Shelby Stone and Takao Noguchi. Oh! Come on. (screams) Snail up. (groaning) Snail up! Yes! I don't believe it! Turbo just went under a car! Whoa! Did you see that? ANNOUNCER: Despite a rocky start, it looks like Turbo is gaining some ground. Yeah! Now we're talking. Where is he? Where is he? (gasps, laughs) Oh! He passed another one! -(laughing) -Yeah! That's my brother right there! That's the back of his head! (grunting) (slow-motion grunt) Go, go, go, go! Left turn! Left turn! Yeah, left turn! (tyres screech, car crashes) (gasps) ANNOUNCER: Turbo manoeuvres past Shelby Stone, and into second place! He is hot on Gagne's heels! The snail's not going away, Guy. All right. I know, I know! ANNOUNCER 2: These racers better watch it coming into turn four. This late in the race, that outside edge is full of marbles. And you don't want to play with these marbles, kids. That rubber peeling off the tyres can be a minefield for these drivers. Here we go. (gasps) (panicked gasping) (screams, grunts) (distorted grunting) (muffled whooshing) Turbo! Oh, no. (electrical crackling) Oh, man. What are we gonna do? If he takes another hit like that last one... You've got to pull him, Tito. I'm sorry, little amigo. It's over. TITO: Hey. We got this far. It's good enough. No, it's not. (grunts) You don't have a girlfriend. You don't need a lot of calls or text. You don't have a girlfriend. You don't need a lot of calls or text. You need data ` for dating sites, like Honey Badger. (LAUGHS) You do have a girlfriend. You need less data and more calls ` lovey-dovey calls. # You make me... # You don't have a girlfriend again. She won't return your calls. You need more text. Things change. Now your Prepay can too. Get more of what you need and less of what you don't with Vodafone My Flex Prepay. ANNOUNCER: With the green flag about to be waved, it looks like a mere formality at this point. Gagne just five laps away from victory. Wait a minute! Turbo is still in this thing! (gasps) What? (screams) Whoa! What happened there? (screaming) (gasping) Come on, come on, come on! (gasps) No! Theo! (screams) No. Not this time. Come on! (yells) Come on, Turbo. Come on, Turbo. Come on. Just hold in there a little longer. No! (yells) -(all gasp) -(crowd murmuring) Farewell, little snail. (grunts) ANNOUNCER: Unbelievable! Turbo takes the lead! (whooping and cheering) Snail style, baby! -Oh! -Bad idea. Bad idea. (crowd cheering) ANNOUNCER 2: And the white flag's in the air, as we enter the 200th and final lap! ANNOUNCER: Turbo weaving between lapped cars like a snail possessed. He is determined to hold on to his lead! No! I will not lose to a snail! Gagne's in the marbles! Guy, what are you doing?! (laughs) Oh! (gasps) (tyres screeching) (gasping) (grunts) (shell hissing) Theo! Turbo! (crowd gasps) ANNOUNCER 2: The track is backed up all the way down the front straight. It's complete gridlock down there. I can't see him. I can't see him. Guy, you OK? (groans) (Turbo panting) Um... (gasps) There he is! Theo. Let's finish this. (shell sputtering) (grunting) (gasps) (panting) (crowd murmuring) Oh, no. (sighs) Turbo. CHET (voice-over): No, no, no. Theo, what are you doing? Don't give up. Oh. (yelling) (groans) (panting) -Hey! Where are you going? -No! -No! -Get back here! No! Wait! (yells) No! Little snail! Theo! Wha... Is that Chet? (crows cawing) Now, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear what I clearly just heard. (groans) CHET: (screams) Salt! (slow motion): No...! (screams) -(crows cawing) -Crows?! Are you kidding me?! Long time no see, Chet! (laughs) Oh! Hey! Don't test me, crow! (crow neighs) -(gasps) -White Shadow! (screams) Nice moves back there, boo. -Yah! -(Chet screams) (crows cawing) (snails whooping, laughing) Is this really necessary?! No, man, but it's fun! (whoops) Theo! Theo! (echoing): Theo! Theo! (crows cawing, neighing) Chet? Finish this. I can't. Oh, yes, you can. You're right, you know. It is in you. It's always been in you. Now, I did not just face every fear known to snail kind to come down here and watch you hide in your shell. I'm sitting on a crow, for crying out loud! (crows cawing) Don't even think about it. My little brother never gives up. That's the best thing about you. So you get out there, and you win this... Turbo. (grunting) He's still going! (crowd cheering) Son of a gun. -(grunts, pants) -(crowd gasps) -(Turbo gasps) (grunts) Come on, come on! (crowd gasps) (grunting) (grunts) (straining) ANNOUNCER 2: Unbelievable! The race is back on! -(gasps) -Excuse me. -Excuse me. Pardon me. -Excuse me. Excuse me. -(grunting) -Excuse me. -Move! -Little amigo! (grunting) Hey, snail! He's gradually gaining on you! (grunting) -(Turbo grunts) -(crowd gasps) (groans) (straining) (grunting) Come on! Come on! (all gasping) Turbo, tuck and roll! (yelling) (crowd cheering) And Turbo wins it by a shell! -(all cheering) -That's what I'm talking about! Chet! Chet! Turbo! Chet! We won, right? -We just won? -We won. -(yells) -Hey, everybody! -(Turbo laughs) -My brother won the Indy 5000! Wow. That's so romantic. Hey, Angelo, we did it! We did it. We did it! Free tacos for everybody! (crowd cheering) -(snails cheering) -Snail power, baby! Uh... Mom? -Hey, Gagne, why don't you pick on someone your own size, you big bad boy? Security! I step on you! You like that? Huh? -Sleeper hold! Hey, let go! -All right. All right. Let go of me! I'm just an old lady! (yells) (grunting) Kim-Ly Nail Salon! (crowd cheering) That's our snail! It's like I always said, little amigo, you are amazing! Installing a solar-energy system can cost many thousands of dollars, so will the numbers stack up for you? This is Dr Alan Wood from the University of Canterbury. His team has developed a calculator that will help you decide. Alan? The calculator crunches the numbers for you. It takes into account things like whether you're at home during the day and using power, as that can make quite a difference. So it's easy to use? Absolutely. For more information, visit energywise.govt.nz TITO (chuckles): OK, wait, wait. Just keep your eyes closed until I say so, OK? Tito, this is stupid. Ta-da! AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE: Hello, Angelo. Let's get cooking. -Boom! -(Angelo gasps) -(Tito chuckles) The stove talks, bro. Uh, mm-mm. No, honey. Soonest available, three months from now, 6:00 a.m. Ooh, Brenda, that daisy really brings out your foot. (phone ringing) Hey, I'm not paying you guys to sit around and look pretty. (grunting) (chuckles) Now that's more like it. Hey, check it out. Whoa, this guy's good. BOBBY: And last but not least, sanitation. Hmm. Nice choice, young man. Come on, boys, it's time to take out the trash. (excited chatter) Whoo! Take a look at this place! Like I said, your skills have truly paid the bills. Yeah, bills. (truck horn honks, music playing over stereo) # Dip, dive, socialize # Get ready for the Saturday night. (engine revs) # Dip to the dive, socialize. Get ready for the Saturday night. What you say, bro? # Dip, dive, socialize, get... # All racers to the starting line! Hey, T, you gonna be OK without them fancy magic superpowers? Sure. Never stopped any of you. (whoops) (laughs) (snails whooping) -Yeah! -(laughs) -Que pasa, my friend? (crowd cheering) TITO: You see that? All these people-- you did that, little amigo. You put this place on the map. You really are my little shooting star. Oh, I almost forgot. I got you something. Pow! (laughs) You won't be missing this. What? You're all better. -Whoa. -Oh, that's nice. -(imitates European siren) (clears throat) OK, listen up. Let's have a nice safe race out there today. Don't want any accidents. That being said, blow 'em off the track, bro. Mm! I love a man in uniform. For real! (chuckles) Simmer down, boo. I'm on duty here. On your mark... All right! So you got a new shell. Mm! But can yours do this? Hit it, Burn! (laughs): Whoa! (engines revving) PAZ: Get set... (high-pitched whirring) Go! (snails yelling) -Come on, let's do it! -Yeah! (snails whooping) (laughing) Hello! Yes, sir! (gasps) (groans) Huh? -Yeah! -Aw, man. -What I say?! -OK. We'll see. -What I say?! (imitates engine revving) Ah, yeah! White Shadow! (music fades) (exhales) I can tuck. I can tuck. OK, baby, here we go. (grunting) Come on. (grunting) I did it! I tucked! I tucked! (grunting)