1 1 IMS Subtitles HEATHER McDONALD www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2015 1 (MAN SHOUTS ORDER) (SHOUT IN UNISON) (TRADITIONAL CHINESE MUSIC) 'The princess nodded, and the frog said,' that which you have promised, you must perform. Very good. Keep reading. So the princess leaned in and kissed the frog. But as she did it became a handsome prince, and they rode off to his kingdom where they lived happily ever after. Happily ever after. There's no such thing as happily ever after. Not for a real princess. The prince my father wants me to marry will always be a frog. I will help you get to America. (America!) That is very kind. We are running out of time. We must leave tonight. (Tonight!) We must hurry, Princess. Hurry, Princess. < (SHOUTS A NAME) (SHOUTS OUT) < (SHOUTS NAMES) (SHOUT OUT) (ALL SHOUT IN UNISON) (WHISTLE BLOWS) Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's it. OK, great. Great. Look. I spent a lot of time on this. Pay attention, cos I don't want any mistakes. I calculated the speed of the train. We meet at this vector. Is this the train? All right, we're just gonna wing it. Like we always do. Ride down, jump on the train, hoorah the money, back to the cathouse, OK? Let's go! You OK? It's OK to be nervous when you're new. I'll keep an eye on you. All you gotta do is follow my lead. Look alive, outlaws! Yeehah! 'So the princess leaned in and kissed the frog.' 'But as she did, he became a handsome prince, 'and they rode off to his kingdom where they lived happily ever after.' (HENS CLUCK) Reach for the sky, everyone! Or I'll blow your goddamn head off! I like to be the only one that talks, OK? Sorry. It's OK. Let's go. Why is the new guy talking? You know I'm the only one who talks. Everybody keep calm. You gonna shoot me? What you got? Think you gonna do something with that gun? You got anything besides yarn? < You got it out for me! Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa! No. Come here. We don't steal from women. Take that side. Give me your hand. I am so sorry about that. I apologise. First time you seen an outlaw? Scared? Kind of excited too? All mixed up? Yeah. Last train we robbed we were naked it was so hot out. That was something. (SIGHS) It's got my initials right there. (SHOUTING) (WOMAN SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) Stop! Where did you get this guy?! Texas. Are you insane?! Just shoot me now because I don't know what we're doing here. Sir! Come here. Sit down. Excuse me. (GUNSHOT) What happened? What are you doing?! Wingin' it. That's not how we wing it! No more winging. Stop. Come on. No more wingin'-it privileges. Damn! Who killed my uncle! Who did this?! Give me the dynamite. You don't get to come. Keep an eye on wing nut. Hey, Blue! Lookie here. OK. Who killed my uncle? What is this? The Orient Express? Get him! Come here! (GUNSHOTS) Hey! The safe's ready to blow. Ready to reap the fruits of our labour? Move it. Let's go. Roy, you just blew the shit out of our fruits. Get the Chinaman! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Turn around! Turn around! What the...?! Who are you?! Hey, Roy! Don't you worry about a thing. I got you covered! No! No! Roll, Roy, roll! Reach for the sky, O'Bannon! It's my gang now. I don't understand. You said your friend had a large estate. He does. What exactly does he do? You could say he's a philanthropist. He helps Chinese immigrants get back on their feet. Welcome to America, Princess. Lo Fong. Forgive me if I do not bow. Calvin, this man is a tr... Traitor. Why? Because he ran away from the Forbidden City? Your reward is on the table, Mr Andrews. Now you're gonna have to double it, or I kill her. One thing about the Chinese, Mr Andrews. We do not renegotiate. Whatever you think I'm going to do for you,... ...you're wrong. 1 Oh, it's just like a nightmare. You wouldn't believe it if I told you. My gang left me in the desert, I felt like all the other cowboys hated my guts. I just missed you. I missed all of you. (ALL) We missed you too, Roy. I think it's medication time. Come here, devil woman. Oooh! Ooh, that's naughty. Oooh. Careful, careful. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Aaaargh! (CRIES OUT) Holy crap! The vultures are eating my head! Aaargh! Aargh! Help! Help! My gang buried me. They left me for dead. Lord, thank heavens. I thought you were a mirage. Water. You. You killed my uncle. Bull! That was Wallace. All the way. He was one of your bandits. He was a new guy! He was crazy as a road lizard. You deserve to die. Hold on a second. I had a chance to kill you on that train and I chose not to. Cos I'm not a barbarian. Hey! Where are you going? Carson City. I'm closer to digging myself to China than you are to Carson City. Which way? Dig me out and I'll show you. Which way? You see those mountains over there? Carson City is on the other side. All right. Dig me out. I kept my end of the bargain. Dig me out. Dig. Hey! Hey! Come on! Don't talk, just dig. 1 (WAR CRIES) (DRUMS BEAT / CHANTING) Where is Carson City? (LAUGHS) (HORSE WHINNIES) (CHEER) How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. (WHOOP) (SMACKS LIPS) You might only drive short distances to work each day. You might park securely at work. You may not drive your car to work at all. At Youi, we tailor your insurance premium to how you use or don't use your car. It could save you lots. Call: 1 I thought you might be hungry. (DISHES CLATTER) You were wrong. You would find me a much better host if we could come to an arrangement. An arrangement? Like the one you have with the slaves working on this railroad? These people are free to leave. What do you want with me? Once I have the Emperor's gold, my work will be complete. Princess. It is time for you to be among your people. They don't look like any Indians I ever seen. They're not Indians! They're Jews. (PIANO MUSIC PLAYS) You... stay! (SMACKS LIPS) (LAUGHTER) (SILENCE) How. (LOUD LAUGHTER) Is this Carson City? No, this ain't Carson City, Chief. You're gonna have to get your firewater somewhere else. All right, Roy, ante up. (LAUGHTER) And stay out! (HORSE NEIGHS) You bounce back fast, kimosabe. Ow. What are you doing here? You said you were going to Carson City. You! You gave me bad directions! I gave you wrong directions. Want your toothpicks back? You got a nerve coming in here - Give it back to me. Ain't that somethin'? (LAUGHS) Take your hand off me. I just want to go to Carson City. You're going for a ride! Yes! Yes! No! No. Sorry. I'm sorry. You! (GUNSHOT) Who in the hell started this? The Chinaman. Staying on top can take an extra boost. Sometimes you need an energy drink with something more - something smarter, healthier. Introducing new Berocca Forward. We've added vitamins, minerals and the natural energy of guarana. Now that's forward thinking. Berocca Forward - more than just energy. (SHOUTS IN CHINESE) Give me the book back! I must go to Carson City to rescue the Princess! (PLAYS HARMONICA) I don't belong here! (SHOUTS IN CHINESE) Keep up the Chinese. I think that's working. Give me the book back! Just give him the book! Please! Open the door! Forget the book. I have wasted enough time with you. What?! What about me? Give me the book! Listen for a second. Stop! This isn't China. This is the west. The sun doesn't rise here, it sets. You're closer to getting us hung than to getting that book back. Now just... You're the most irritable guy I've ever been around. Relax. Take ten minutes, and then you can go back to screaming. I'll join in! Just relax for a second. Come on. Sit down. Come on. Just relax. Is that relaxed? You look sort of rigid there. You know what? We got off on the wrong foot. Let's start again. Man, you sure can fight. I ain't never seen anything like that - cha-cha! cha-cha! I was trying to give you a compliment. You still mad about me pointing you in the wrong direction? Come on! You should laugh at stuff like that. Like me in the desert. I'm not angry. Left me with chopsticks to die. Roy, all by his lonesome. Just me and the buzzards picking at my head. You're a very silent man, aren't you? You weren't expecting to see old Roy in that bar, were you? Be honest. Did you really use those chopsticks? You better believe it. Now you laugh. That's funny. I gotta remember that one. So, who are you? I am Imperial Guard to the Emperor of China. China. What's with the... with the book? It belongs to Princess Pei Pei. Who? She was kidnapped from the Forbidden City. Forbidden City? I like that - a forbidden city, a princess, kidnap. It's so mysterious. Go ahead. The Emperor sent us to get her back. Your friends from the train? Also Imperial Guards. They must bring gold to Carson City. What gold? The gold for the Princess. The gold... Was the gold on the train? Yes. How much gold? One hundred thousand pieces. Sir! Sir! Could you get us that book, please? Sir, there's been a mistake. Sir? We're gonna get that book, and we're gonna get you out of here. You help me escape? Shh! Yes. (Why?) There are some things in this world that are just wrong, and stealing a princess is one of them. It's wrong. And I feel guilty about leading you up that mountain. What was I thinking? That was stupid. It wasn't funny. Sit tight, and let me figure this out. Come on, Roy. Maybe I can pretend to be sick then attack the guard when they come in. The sick-prisoner routine works in China? Here it's been done to death. I have another idea. No. Here's how you help. Let me figure out over here, you play over there. Think. Think. What have we got here? OK. We have wood, we got a wall made out of wood. Good. Oh, we got pillows! We got pillows, sheets, a mattress. Let's put it all together. Let's think. What have we got? What are you doing? Stop! Stop! What are you doing?! Hold this. No! That's your shirt. You hold it. I like your energy but... When shirt gets wet, it doesn't break. I don't know what that means. OK. And then... Then with the wet shirt you bend the bars. That's the pay-off. A 2,000-year-old civilisation, that's all you can come up with? Shame on you. Shame on you. Come on. Stop, please. It's embarrassing. (BARS GROAN) See? I told you so. No, you said wet shirt don't break, not piss shirt bend bar. Twist it. OK, get it. Just one more. You're strong as an ox. Go! You can do it. There. You got it. You're getting it. Hold it for me. I get through. You hold it, and I'll go through. (GROANS) No! Not your hands! Stop! Hold it. You're a sucker. What? Kidding. Come on. Go. I wouldn't leave my old pal. Squeeze. No, no, no, no, no, no. Grab that. Work your magic right here. Too dry. What? Juice it up! Come on! I can't! No more. Ah, damn it! Come on out, little Roy. Work your magic. (PLAYS HARMONICA) Hurry up. I'm trying, I'm trying. Don't look at me! Relax! Relax. It will come. Thanks. That helps. Good. Is that relaxed? (GUNSHOT / MOOING) Sheriff, thank God you're here. Get the guns! Get my book! Whoa, whoa! Who's the pretty lady? My wife. How long you been here? Four days. Nice work! Hello. Come on. Let's adios, partner. Well, best of luck to you. I guess this is what your people call sayonara. Looks like Fido's giving you some problems. You want a hand? No, I can do it. Sure you can. How are you gonna make it to Carson City and rescue this princess? Stop, stop, stop, stop. I can't take it any more. Watch me do it. You get it like this, and you put it up high. You see? It'll drift back when you're riding. All right, I'll do it. Do what? Help you rescue Princess Pee Pee. Pei Pei. You do not care about her. You don't know me very well, do you? I don't want an innocent member of Chinese nobility suffering. I'll tell you that. You people believe in karma over there, right? Well, I've been thinking. There must be a reason why we keep running into each other. I've ridden with terrible men I couldn't trust. But there's something different about you, and I can see it... I can see it in your eyes. It's what the Indians call chippichawa. What's that? Nobility. And you have it. In spades. You've got yourself a partner. This has nothing to do with gold. Shake. Why you spit in your hand? It's customary, to seal the deal. Come on, let's go. (SPITS) This is gonna be a long journey. Or you work from home, so drive mostly on the weekend. You might only drive short distances to work each day. You might not drive your car to work at all. You might park securely at work. Or these days, everybody travels to you. Maybe you only do school runs. Or you work from home, so drive mostly on the weekend. At Youi, we get that everyone's not the same, so we tailor your insurance premium to how you use or don't use your car. Call: Or go to youi.co.nz today. 1 You boys take care now, you hear? Shalom. Shalom. (LAUGHS) Let's go. Yeehah! Goddamn! Looks like you all had a twister touch down in here! Roy O'Bannon and his partner come through town. Roy O'Bannon? Roy O'Bannon ain't got no partner. Roy O'Bannon is dead. He ain't dead. He busted out of jail last night with the Shanghai Kid. Shanghai Kid? He got a new gang? That sonofabitch. That two timin' sonofabitch! He double-crossed us with the Chinaman! Just like that, at a rakish angle. Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah. How do I look? Great. I think you look like a real cowboy. Very dapper with the red bandanna. Roy O'Bannon. Roy O'Bannon. My name's Chon Wang. John Wayne? Chon Wang. That's a terrible cowboy name. Why? That's not gonna work. It's horrible. That's so bad! And so is the ponytail. Look - It didn't look that bad actually. Never touch my queue. That killed! Ow! We have to go to Carson City. OK, now before we go, I wanna teach you some stuff. Just follow me. What's that? Sensitivity. Increases your reflexes. Now, these are guns. They can be your best friend or your worst enemy. That's two spins. See? Whoa! Be careful. Always be ready. Try to exhale for a long-range shot, inhale for short-range. Now cover up your ears, cos this is gonna be loud. I am like a wild horse. Put oats in the pen, I'll come in for a nibble. But shut that gate, and I'll jump the fence. Thing about your husband - nothing against him - he comes from a very male-dominated society. # With the top let back and the sunshine shinin' # Cowboy, baby # West Coast chillin' with the Boone's Wine # I wanna be a cowboy, baby # Ridin' at night, cos I sleep all day # Cowboy, baby # I can smell a pig from a mile away # Put it this way, my horse is definitely not my best friend. # That's why they call me a cowboy, baby # With the top let back and the sunshine shinin' # Cowboy, baby # If people look at you funny, say, "Howdy, partner". Howdy, partner? Faster, or people will think you're slow. Howdy, partner. Howdy, partner. Howdy, partner. Howdy, partner. Howdy, partner. Park right there. It's not working. I guess some people aren't as tolerant as I am. Not very friendly today. John? John! Ow! That hurt! OK, we gotta work on that. Straighten up here. It hurts so bad. I know, but I'm not gonna walk with you if you walk like that. I'll be OK. Hey, Roy, that's you! Holy shit! I'm a wanted man! Look at this! 500 bucks! Let me see. Nice picture. Careful. Wow! You know what this means? This will drive girls crazy. Really? Yes, really! Get a couple more of these. I'm wanted too! What? This! Oh, come on! That's not right. I know. I'm not from Shanghai. No! $1,000 for a sidekick! Be careful. The justice system's screwed up. The man can't even ride a horse, and that's a really cool nickname. Shanghai Kid's got a snap to it. Uh-oh. Trouble. John, come here. Get over here! Tie them up over here, fellas. Get in. What's going on? Shh! Oh! Howdy, partner. A posse. They can't be looking for us. What's posse? They're passing. It looked like Marshal Nathan Van Cleef, the psychotic killer. Roy O'Bannon! This is Marshal Nathan Van Cleef! We know you're in there. Oh, God! It is him! Come out with your hands up! You and the scum you're ridin' with. (He won!) Roy, it's OK. No! You don't know this guy! Let me talk to them. We have to save the Princess. Stop! Go easy. Why are they shooting at me?! You're a wanted man. Why? Cos you're an outlaw. I'm not! Look at that poster. What does that say? Drives girls crazy. Drives the posse crazy. Makes them wanna hang you. You're a bad guy. You got 20 seconds, O'Bannon. Oh, God! Give us a minute! Go round back. Check he isn't trying to pull the saddle over our eyes. Remember - I want the Chinaman alive. I'm not a bad guy. You're with me, you're a bad guy. You put me in this situation! I'm the good guy! We're bad guys! You are the bad guy! You go out and tell them! You go out! No, you! I just do that? Not bad. I don't know karate but I know crazy and I will use it. (SHOUTING / CRASHING) What the hell is going on in there? You OK? You just threw me through a window. You got that gold? What? Gold? What gold? Wrong answer. Wait. I'm unarmed. I'm unarmed! No gun. I'm unarmed. You can't shoot an unarmed man. Don't worry. I help you. No, John! John! Fight with honour. You will win. Is that what they teach at Imperial Guard school? Pick 'em up. Well! If it ain't the Shanghai Kid! (LAUGHS) How about we make the kid dance? Come on! You robbed the wrong train, son. Marshal - Shut up and put on your guns. This is serious. You know? They don't come back from this. That's the idea. What the hell are you doin'? Stop procrastinating. Hurry up. Stop it! I won't let you cheapen it. All right? This is a duel. A sacred thing. It's what separates us from the animals. Oh, yeah. I do not envy you. You ready? Turn and face me like a man? You do it your way, I'll do it mine! (LAUGHS SOFTLY) 'You can do it. No, you can't, he's gonna kill you.' One. 'He's gonna blow you away. Don't think like that.' Two. 'Oh, yeah. Be positive. Be the bullet. Be the lead bullet.' 'I'm about to die!' Three. Roy! > Argh! Duel's off! Roy! You blew it, John! Never interrupt a man in the middle of a duel! I had him! That's what kills me. I had him! I had him! 1 Now you know how it feels to haul you around in that sedan chair. I will never bow to you. Take a good look at these faces. If you attempt to escape, I will kill one worker every hour until you are found. Starting with this one. Do not let him see you suffer. I know who you are. Please, tell no-one. (EXPLOSION) You call this a special hide-out? Yes. It's also a good place to gather intelligence. No-one passes through without these people knowing. Will you ask them about the Princess. I don't care how ugly it gets. I'm not gonna rest till I've pumped everyone in there for information. (PIANO PLAYS / LIVELY CHATTER) Hi, Roy! Hello, ladies. Nice to see you again, Mr O'Bannon. Greetings. Roy! We're gonna get some information here. Trust me. This is not a proper hiding place. Come on! Relax for a little bit. Here, have a drink. I want to find the Princess. So do I but we can't exactly go door-to-door looking for her. We're wanted men. Because of you. Yeah, yeah. Everything's my fault. What's the Princess like? Is she pretty? Is she a pain in the neck? You are not fit to talk about her. John, you better remember where you are. This is the west, not the east. The sun may rise where I come from, blah, blah, blah. I know. You remember. Is she single? What? Is she married? Is she available? Only to a member of the Imperial family. Are you a member of the Imperial family? I don't think so. Was that a joke, John? That... that was joke! Your first joke! We gotta have a toast! Yes! No. Yes. Come on. Drink. Just one. OK. Don't talk about the Princess again. Word of honour. (COUGHS) Know any Chinese drinking games? No. Every country has a drinking game. You must know one. Just one. (CHANT IN CHINESE) Uno mas. What? One more. One more! (SHOUT) I'm so lost, John. 90% of the time I don't even know what I'm doing here in the west. I'm a terrible outlaw. No. You are a good outlaw. I'm a screw-up. No, I'm screw-up. No. Look at my scar. One for arriving late at guard duty, one for dropping fighting stick. You good. I saw. The only thing I'm good at is talking. It's true. John. Huh? Take your hand off me, John. (CRASH) One more game? No. No more drinking. That's it. Uno mas? No mas, John. No mas. (SHOUT) Are you coming? Fifi? Uno mas? (BELCHES) (BELCHES) So, who's your funny-looking friend? I don't know. He's this crazy Imperial Guard that I met. He's really funny. The guy is so hysterical. Did you see? We were just playing a game. (SPEAKS NONSENSE CHINESE) You can't understand what he's saying, but - I never figured you for riding with a Chinaman. Well, I'm not exactly riding with him, Fifi. He's not my friend. You know he's... I mean, he's a Chinaman. Well, that's good. Were you guys talking about who he was, or...? Let's talk about something else. (WOMAN SCREAMS) Don't you look delicious? What's going on? Well, if it isn't the Shanghai kid. Here. Thank you. Ah! Thank you. Uno mas? (SCREAMS) > John, we gotta go. The Marshal is downstairs. No! No. The Marshal's in there. What did you do to him? Let's get going. I don't want to ride with you. You're a mean drunk! Hi, horsie! Shh! Time for yee-haw! Yee-what? Shhh! We jump off, land on the horse yell "yee-haw" and ride off. All right? Watch me. Do it exactly as I do it. Yee-haw! Yee-haw! Oof! (HORSE NEIGHS) OK. Ya! Yeehah! Where's the head? John, get up! Time up. What happened to my horse? Is he dead? No, but we are, John. He's sleeping. Get up. 1 Mighty impressive hardware you're packing. Get your eyes off my package, you twisted sonofabitch. Argh! I hope that's him leaving. Your turn. Thank you, Mr Van Cleef. Well, well. What have we here? Mr O'Bannon, I presume. Can I get a drink of - Argh! Argh! Don't mention it. This must be the famous Shanghai Kid. (LAUGHS) Chon Wang. Lo Fong? You remember your comrade-in-arms. I remember a traitor. I'm sensing bad blood here. Where is the gold? Where is Princess Pei Pei? Stop. Come on, we're men, we're not pinatas. We're really hung over. You wanna talk about the gold, let's talk. You have my gold? Your gold? Yes! Where is it? In a safe place. Is he telling the truth? No. Nice! Way to think on your feet! He cannot lie. He is bound by Imperial decree. When will you learn? You're not in China! He will never learn. He can only follow orders. At least I still have my honour. Slaves have no honour. No! Now you can never go back to China. You blew it. Woo! You blew it, man. You did not wanna cut his hair off, trust me. Nothing personal, boys. My loyalty is to the Emperor. Yeah, John. I heard all about the Emperor. Must be a hell of a man. He's only twelve. Are you kidding me? You're ready to die for someone whose balls haven't even dropped? By virtue of the authority vested in me by the territory of Nevada, I order these men to hang by their necks till their feet quit kickin'. (CHEERING) You're goin' to hell, boys, and your horses are taking you there. Tighten them up. (CROWD CHANTS) Hang them! Hang them! Hang 'em! Hey! Watch it, you little punk! (SMACKS LIPS / CLICKS) (WHISTLES) What are you doin'? (WHISTLES) What the hell is going on? Stop those horses! (SCREAMING / SHOUTING) Pull it! # I'm back in the saddle again Help me! # I'm back! # I'm back in the saddle again # Don't just stand there, go after them! Will you listen to this creek, John? I never noticed what a beautiful melody a creek makes. Never taken the damn time. Look at these mountains and trees. We're gonna learn the names of these green trees. Come on. I want you to look at these. John! Are you still worried about your hair? John, listen to me. You're very vain. By the time you're 70, your ponytail will be as good as new. What are you doing? I'm leaving. We just cheated death. Look at these mountains for a second. OK, let me get my stuff. I'm going alone. John, what are you talking about? I heard you. You heard me. OK. At Goldie's you said I wasn't your friend. John, I was talking to a girl. That's taken out of context. Roy, you were right. How could I ever be your friend? I'm just a Chinaman. Hold on, John. I'm sorry. I - Sayonara, Roy. (DISTANT RUMBLING) (RUMBLING) (SHOUTING) Wait here. Please. You have come a long way. I hope the princess you seek is worthy of such devotion. It is my duty to bring her home. I even brought her favourite book. That's very kind of you. But what if you found her and she did not wish to go back? Why would she want to stay here? Maybe she can do more for the people here than she could back in China. Princess Pei Pei! Please, don't draw attention. Please! Stand up! Princess, you are to come with me. I cannot. Lo Fong cannot find me missing. Princess, I cannot leave you here. Please, stand up! Don't bow! Get up! Get up! You must go. If I leave, Lo Fong will begin to kill the others. It is my duty to bring you home. I command you to go. Go! Go! Reach for the sky, baldie. That's right. It's Roy. Am I interrupting? I followed you. So what? What am I supposed to do? Let you wander off? You'll get killed out here. (GUNSHOTS) Come on, partner! Come on! You've gotta stick with me. We've got a princess to save. (BELL TOLLS) (RUMBLE OF HORSES HOOVES) (TOLLING CONTINUES) (TOLLING STOPS) Give my regards to the Emperor, Princess. Chon Wang? Chon Wang? Chon Wang? That's right. Johnny Wayne is here. Hey, it's me. Why did you cut his hair? I tried to warn you but you wouldn't listen. Go on. Drop the gun. Slide it over. Is that her? She's pretty. Grab her. Come on, we'll take it from here, guys. John, what...? Get up. I thought we were past this. Come on! (SPEAKS CHINESE) > Do you see? He will always be a slave. This is the west,... ...not the east. And the sun may rise where we come from but here is where it sets. Want me to translate? The Princess stays. The Princess stays. I grab the gold, you marry the Princess, we hang Fong, mission accomplished. Well, well. Nice to see we're all churchgoers. Sonofabitch! With my own guns! Sweet, ain't it? How about that? It's a Mexican stand-off. Only we ain't got no Mexicans. (GUNSHOT) No! I hit you? No. But you're getting really close. You've almost killed me 17 times already. 18! 19! 20! You're on fire today! How do you survive out here? What's that supposed to mean? These guns are really weird. (Oh, man!) We should let bygones be bygones! You got off some good shots. I got off some good ones. Let's call it a tie. What's the matter? Out of bullets? No. I got one left. Tell you what I'll do. I'll take out all my bullets but one, and that way we'll be even. How's that? OK. That sounds fair. You'd do that for me? Oh, yeah. You bet I would. (BELL TOLLS) We come out on three. OK, b-b-but let me count. (Fight with honour.) (Fight with... OK.) One! Two! Two and a half! Two and seven eighths! Three! Yargh! Yargh! Yargh! How the hell did that happen? It's a miracle. I am invincible. Roy! Invincible! Now it's time for you to die. Adios, partner. Wow! (SPEAKS CHINESE) Roy! He took the gold. Is that all you care about, the gold? Shame on you. There's more to life than money. Hope you learn that. What happened? Nothing. I just killed him. How'd you do? How? I shot him. Tell me the truth. You missed a miracle. I had one bullet left, he had like a million. I came out, he lied to me, but when he... She's staying? Yes. Can I stand? (CHUCKLES) Yes. (GUNSHOT / SHOUT IN CHINESE) Reach for the sky, O'Bannon! That's my line! He stole my gang, now my lines! Roy! Come back! Stop, stop, it's Wallace. We know you've been moonlighting on us with that oriental fella. Stay here. This isn't your battle. No. We stick together. We are partners. That's beautiful. You go out the back door. No. Don't worry, Princess. I promise you, I will see you again. That which you have promised, you must perform. Get out of the way! Come on! What? What are you doing? Are you crazy? John, stop, stop. They can't touch me. Something happened back there. A miracle. Hey, smart ass! Do you hear me?! Time's up, O'Bannon! We can take these guys. We can. (GUNSHOTS) Are you comin' out, or ain't you? Gun. You really are the Shanghai Kid. Nice riding with you, partner. We go out on three. I count. No. I count. We both count, then. (BOTH) One! Two! Three! (BOTH SHOUT) (RAPID GUNFIRE) (WAR CRIES) Indians! No! My family! Friends. Brothers! Roy! I gotta tell you, we always figured you for a dumb shit but, er, we was thinkin' maybe you'd wanna rejoin the gang. What do you say? Yeah, what do you say? I think I'm just gonna wing it. You are going to jail. That works too. (INDIANS WHOOP) (ALL) How, kimosabe! (BOTH) How, kimosabe! (DRUMS BEAT / FIREWORKS EXPLODE) It's nice to be here with you. I've never got a chance to thank you for saving us so many times. I wish you could understand what I... I feel this gap between us, like I'm a cowboy, you're an Indian. You say "wampum", I say "money". I just - Shut up, all right? You talk too much. D-D-Did she just...? There she is. Right on time, carrying a big fat payroll. (SIGHS) I don't know if I'll ever get used to this one. Don't worry. You'll get used to it. We won't get many girls as law men. We're spoken for, but you never know what's gonna happen. Gotta get rid of my outlaw name. Really? What would you call yourself? I don't know. I mean, my real name's Wyatt Earp but... Earp?! That's a terrible name for a cowboy! Why? Bad! Really? Bad! What, and John Wayne's a great name? Look. There they are. Yep. Look at those amateurs. That's my move! Come on, Roy. Let's go say howdy. Let's go. Hee-ya! Yi-haw! Yi-haw! Yi-haw! (That which you have promised, you must perform.) (PHONE RINGS) (Hello.) He was part of your rusmiofo... What? Wait a minute. He's one of your bandits. He's one of your... He was part of your regiment of dentists. Bandits! Dentist?! Wow! (CRASH) Shit! He didn't teeth brush this morning. Lose this too. I'm gonna cut off - No! (CREW LAUGHS) You can't do stunts, man! # Because I wanna be a cowboy, baby # Ow! What's this princess like? (BUBBLES GURGLE) (LAUGHS) I got air bubbles coming out of my thing! Uno mas. Uno mas. Fido! (BOTH) One. Two. Three. (SHOUT) Shit! (BOTH GROAN) Thank you so much, Princess. You're so good. Princess! Oh, I love you! I'm talkin' to you. Turn around! Ask me if I give a shit.