1 # "Emotion In Motion" ` Rick Ocasek www.able.co.nz TVNZ Captioning 2011 'When I was a little girl, 'there were real prices and mom prices. 'Real prices got you shiny, sparkly things that lasted three weeks, and mom prices got you brown things... ..that lasted forever.' You notice they were 50 percent off? Oh, yes, well... (GIRLS GIGGLE MOCKINGLY) 'But when I looked into shop windows, I saw another world.' 'A dreamy world full of perfect things.' 'A world where grown-up girls got what they wanted.' 'They were beautiful.' 'Like fairies or princesses.' 'They didn't even need any money.' 'They had magic cards.' 'I wanted one.' 'Little did I know... ..I would end up with 12.' # "Adrienne Bailon" - Uncontrollable 'Rebecca Bloomwood. Occupation - Journalist.' 'Jacket - Visa. Dress - AMEX. Belt - MasterCard.' 'It's vintage. And I got one percent cash back.' 'Bag - Gucci!' 'And worth every penny.' 'Moving to New York, I met guys, and that kind of put things in perspective.' 'You know when you see someone cute and he smiles, and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast?' 'Well, that's what it's like when I see a store.' 'Only it's better.' # "Uncontrollable" - Adrienne Bailon 'You see, a man will never love you or treat you as well as a store.' 'If a man doesn't fit, you can't exchange him seven days later for a gorgeous cashmere sweater.' 'And a store always smells good.' 'A store can awaken a lust for things you never even knew you needed!' 'And when your fingers grasp those shiny, new bags... 'Oh, yes! Oh, yes!' Oh, no... I spent $900. So, you are covering the yard and tool expo, right? I'm on it! (GIGGLES) 'OK, don't panic! Calm! Calm.' 'Bloomingdale's. That would be the pants.' 'I had to get the pants to match...' Oh, the shoes! I... 'Hold on...' Somebody's stolen my credit card! Oh, my God! Somebody has stolen my credit card and gone on an insane spending spree around New York! No! Yeah! Outdoor World? I've never been to Outdoor World. Please! Yes, you have. You bought that tent, remember? N-No, I didn't! For Kristen's going-away present. I've never seen a tent. I organized the collection and then we gave you the money. Oh... "Special skills - Fencing"? Fluent in Finnish? What? Who doesn't pad their resume? Shoe! Thanks! Why can't you get changed in your own office? And let everyone at Gardening Today know I've secretly arranged an interview at Alette magazine? Did I mention I have an interview at Alette? Only about a billion times. It's kind of a leap, isn't it? Gardening to fashion? I mean, not that I meant you couldn't do it! Suze, since I was 14, I wanted to work at Alette magazine. If I can just get this job, I will be happy forever. Wow! # "Calling You" - Kat DeLuna 'Rebecca, you just got a credit card bill of $900.' 'You do not need a scarf.' Then again... ..who NEEDS a scarf? Wrap some old jeans around your neck, that'll keep you warm. (That's what your mother would do.) You're right, she would! The point about this scarf is that it would become part of a definition of your... ..of your psyche. Do you see what I mean? No, no, no, I do. Keep talking. It would make your eyes look bigger. Hm! Mmm... It would make my haircut look more expensive. You'd wear it with everything. It would be an investment. You would walk into that Alette interview confident. Confident! And poised. Poised. The Girl in the Green Scarf. The green scarf, please. Good choice. It's the last one. That'll be $120. How would you like to pay? Here's $50 in cash. Can you put 30 on this card? (REGISTER BEEPS) 10 on that. (BEEPS) 20 on that. It's so cute. (BUZZES) Declined. Really? Could you just... Could you try it again? (REGISTER BUZZES) Really declined. Could you put this to one side? I can't hold sale items. Excuse me. It's an emergency! Back of the line! Excuse me, this is an emergency. Excuse you, lady! Excuse you, excuse me! Do you do cash back? What? If I give you a check for $23, will you give me one of your hot dogs and $20 cash back, please? Do I look like a bank? They don't hold sale items. It's a desperately important scarf. Desperately important scarf! It's for my great-aunt. She's in the hospital. Ask them to turn the heating up! You want mustard? Please. I will buy all of your hot dogs! You'll take 97 hot dogs? Done. Who do I make it... That means you just paid $23 for a hot dog! You want your scarf, I want my hot dog. Cost and worth are very different things. Thank you! My aunt will really appreciate it! # Do what you want, what you want Like nobody's watching you # You know the rhythm's calling you... # Hi. Hi! I'm here for the interview at Alette magazine. Alette... Oh. Filled. Internally. Yesterday. They did post it on the Web. Let's see, who got the job...? Speak of the devil. # "Bad Girl" - The Pussycat Dolls Alicia... ..Billington. # Bad, bad, bad, bad # Bad, bad # She has the longest legs in the world. She notes resentfully. Great. (SIGHS) Faulty! Nice scarf. Thanks. I bought it for the interview. Scusi... (Come on!) As we speak, interviews are being held at Successful Saving. The money magazine? Snort not, sweet child. Alette may be your Emerald City, but Successful Saving could be your Yellow Brick Road. Dantay-West is a family of magazines that acts like a family. Deeply nepotistic. Bleugh. So my advice to you, dear Dorothy, is thus... Once you're in, you're in. I'm in. (PHONES RING) Hello, Successful Saving. Ms Bloomwood? What form does this interview take? Is it just a general chat? Oh, no, no, no. It's very specific on finance. Butterfly investments, futures. That sort of thing. He's worth 1.2 billion. Who's gonna tell him to diet? Good luck. Thanks. We talked and talked and said nothing. Of course I did. He understands the rules. He's spoken to all of them. That's always the way. Of course we got the bill. Listen, Johnny, I've got to go because I'm interviewing. Yeah. No, not me. Alright. Bye, then. Sorry about that. Right, erm, Rebecca... Ah! Hi! We met! We did. Thank you. Sick aunt, scarf. Yes. So much. Did you get it to her? I did. And when a stranger is kind like that, it's just... wow. That's lovely. Erm, do you have a resume for me? I do. Yes, I do! (GRUNTS / GROANS) I... could pretty much just tell you. My name is Rebecca Bloomwood. I've been a journalist for five years. I'm very comfortable juggling numbers. I speak fluent Finnish. I know - Finnish? Yes. Finnish. I'm also - That's interesting. Why Finnish? What's behind you? Erm... Oh, my God. It's a naked man. I'm sorry. That gave me such a fright. I, er... I didn't know what it was. It's... Clearly he's beheaded. Who would do that to him? Ahem. A few questions. How would you calculate - Look! Makes you wonder what they're seeing on the fifth floor, right? You could turn your desk around and just stare at it all day. I would! (LAUGHS) Not. Miss Bloomwood... I'm not a pervert. Sit down. I'm sorry. I'm terrible at interviews! Any financial stories that have caught your eye recently? Yes. And I am glad that you brought that up. Because I am furious. No, I really am. What is the story with the recent fish crisis? Fish crisis? Fiscal crisis. Fiscal crisis. Terrifying. Fiscally, I mean. How so? Erm... For the fiscal family. Yes? I'm sorry. Not a moment too soon. I believe, Ms Bloomwood, you dropped your scarf. (COUGHS) She died? Miss Bloomwood, you have had a very, very tough 25 minutes. I'm so glad you understand! So many people just... Right. OK, so, I would propose we curtail... Did you just scrub my name off? No. Routine. That seems premature. OK. I would propose that we curtail this interview forthwith. So I'll leave you, and your numbers, but thank you very much for seeing me, and I appreciate... Oh! (DOORS RATTLE) I appreciate everything. Good day. Good day. Come on. Let's go give Mrs Great Outdoors her tent. (SOBS) S-She's not retiring. What? She's abandoning a sinking ship. That little rat! The magazine's folding and she knew! She knew and she didn't tell anybody. On the bright side, you always hated working for that magazine. It was my income, Suze. I need my income. The most important thing is not to panic. (PHONE RINGS) Don't answer the phone! (BOTH) No! It might be a debt collector! Hello? It's Derek Smeath. The list! Get the list! Where is it? I saw it. Take the lamp! It's here! OK! Bloomingdale's. Hospital with depression. MasterCard. In Finland. Visa. Dead dog. "Derek Smeath! All City Debt Collection." You do it! (GROANS) Hello? "Miss Bloomwood?" Hi. "Hello." I'm sorry. It's not. "Not Miss Bloomwood." She's still recovering from, you know... I'll have her call you as soon as... "Yes?" Finland! As soon as she's back from... Finland. From... Finland! Finland! "Clearly she's not too incapacitated -" Bye. Urgh! Why do so many of your excuses involve Finland? Cos no-one checks up on Finland, Tarkie. (SIGHS) How am I going to pay the rent now? I'm ripping up your rent cheque. No, Suze. You can't do it again. It's my apartment. Well, my parents' apartment, but it's my rules. I'm gonna buy you the biggest present. I am. I know where I'm gonna go. There's a sale on at Macy's! Tarkie? I'll be at my place. Thanks, baby. Bex, I'll get the tequila. You get the bills. (SALSA MUSIC) It can't be that bad. It's like a Band-Aid. It's gonna be fine. (BOTH GASP) Bex! $200 on Marc Jacobs underwear. Oh. Underwear is a basic human right. $78 on lavender honey. I felt sorry for the shop assistant. She had a lazy eye. I didn't know which way she was looking. It was so sad! I can't even talk about this one. Foot spa? What were you doing there? Let's take a break. They said I was a valued customer. Now they send me hate mail. (MACHINE WHIRS) Bex. Oh, God. How are you going to pay off $16,1262 and 70 cents with no job? I could win the lottery. Maybe you should have a back-up plan. Oh! Backup plan! I got it, I got it. Backup plan. OK. When Tarkie thought of his dream job, he, erm, wrote this proposal just about him and what he's made of, and that's what you can do. You can write a fashion piece, like, "Hey, Alette, look what I can do!" You just got to figure out what to write about. "Consider your shoe an investment. Everything is resting upon it." "The most important point is that every shoe should earn its place..." Bex, this is so funny. You're so smart. You're the best writer ever. Do you like it? You're fabulous. Wait. Another one! To that guy at the savings magazine who didn't hire me. (GIGGLES) "Dear Uptight Editor..." "You can stick your job up your ass." There's a man on a bike! Hello! "Here's $20. Buy yourself some decent clothes." (BOTH LAUGH) I'm back! Here we go. This is for Alette magazine. Please, please. Kiss it for good luck. Mwah! And this one is for Mr Successful Saving. Bleurgh! Money, money, money! (BOTH GIGGLE) Oh, my God! I better get the job. I've got no money! I've got no money! # You put the lime in the coconut... I'll race you! Sweetie, now, doesn't this just cheer you up? It's not working, Mom. You'll get another job, Becky. Because life is like a swap meet. You never know when great riches... (LAUGHS) (GASPS) ..are gonna turn up unexpectedly. What can I get for a quarter? This. Comme ca. It's fantastic. (RINGTONE) # "Rich Girl" - Gwen Stefani What are they getting for that? It's growing on me. Don't. How much for this? $20. (BOTH GASP DRAMATICALLY) Hola? Oh, erm, Rebecca? Luke Brandon, Successful Saving. Yes? Yeah, sorry to call so early, but I got your, erm, your letter. And I have to say, it was a bit of a surprise. Well, I-I hope I made my point. Oh. You did! You did! Very well! The whole metaphor. Very clever. Yes, wasn't it? The whole metaphor was... Wait. What? I'm sorry. Describing the principles of security investment in terms of the way different women purchase different shoes was... That was different. Hello? Hello? Rebecca? Sounds like you might be in the middle of something. But I was trying to say that it gave me an idea. Would you like to come in? Can I help you, dear? I think I sent the editor of Alette magazine $20 to buy herself some decent clothes and stick her job up her ass! 1 1 1 Hey, clothes for Alette. I'll call her assistant. The clothes are here for Alette's approval. She'll be right out. So, what do you think about you and me going out on Friday night? I mean, if you want to. Would you like to go out Friday night? I don't know. I might have plans. Oh, you might... Do you ever wear any of this stuff? Er, some of it is a little far out. Totally far out. Crazy, but I guess that's the world of, what is it, high fashions? Yes! Yeah, I know about that. I am one of the best. I don't let this out of my sight. I guard it with my life. A lot of pressure. I got to make sure everyone gets these letters. Get them there on time. I get my job done. See, I take my job very seriously. Yes. Oh, really? And to deliver... the mail, but, you know, as the mail carrier, it's a lot of pressure to get people their letters. I've never lost one yet. (FRENCH ACCENT) No vertical buttonholes. I'm bored with them. Is this for the Kaleidoscope shoot with Paolo? Oh, degage, degage, degage, degage, degage, degage. Oh, but this! (GASPS) Cavalli. He has read my mind. It's marvellous. We can use it all. Take it in! (GASPS) Oh, God. What are you doing? This is Alette. Is this where you should be? (DREAMY MUSIC) Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Dantay West didn't hire me to be an editor of this magazine. They hired me to throw it a rope and pull it out of the swamp. (KNOCK ON DOOR) And that's... Hi, everyone. I'm Rebecca Bloomwood. Sit down, Rebecca. What makes a magazine move from the newsstands? (CHAIR SQUEAKS) Real, unvarnished stories, whether the people that we are writing about like them or not. Successful Saving is the People magazine of financial journalism and this is where that ends. From now... (WHIRRING) Sorry. From now on, we don't copy. We examine. We probe. Ooh. (GIGGLES) I liked your piece. I said that on the phone. Good, good. Hayley? Shall we say a three-week trial? Give her this cubicle. This one's lovely. They're all three by six. 1,000 words on the effect of changing interest rates on store-card APRs. Good. You still have the label on your new glasses. What? Oh. You took a job at a savings magazine? You? I know it sounds bad, but it is in fact part of a very structured plan. That's great, but in a lot of ways it's not great. What is it called when an animal rights person is trampled by a cow? I don't think there's a word for that. Ironic. Ironic that Rebecca Bloomwood is advising people on handling money. But I guess it would be nice if my maid of honour could afford her own dress. (SHRIEKS) He asked? Yes! How did he say it? You should've been there. Hey! The, er, credit limit on your card was reached. I think I want my husband-to-be to propose to me in Barneys. What are you doing? Nothing. Yes, you are! Bex, I just found the perfect book for you. "Control Your Urge To Shop, with Garrett E Barton." "That's me." "Do you find yourself constantly drawn toward stores?" Yes. No. "Does your heart quicken when you see new merchandise in neat piles?" Yes! No. This guy's good. "Did you answer no and are consequently in denial? Yes. No! "Did you just say no again?" No. (BOTH) Yes. "Step one. De-clutter your life. Throw it all out." "Just box it up and toss it!" "Simplicity and order are your new watchwords." (PHONE RINGS) "Excuse me." "Hello?" It's a fresh start calling. And it's for you. (CUPBOARD GROANS / CREAKS) On your way to work, ignore the siren call of the store window. Your new mantra is, "Do I need this?" No. What's this? 1,000 words on store-card APRs? Which looks as if it's been copied out of Money For Dummies. (LAUGHS) I wanted 1,000 words on APRs from an angle. Is that not an angle? Not unless you call "head on" an angle. No, I don't. Try it again. Remind me why I hired you. OK. Rebecca. (SHRIEKS) Did you just type "Good angles on APRs" into Google? Yes. I Googled. Am I fired? Get your coat. You know these guys, right? Comintex? Communications company? Yes. Absolutely. This year's seen unparalleled growth in the communications industry. Overall, pal. Not in your company. Comintex profits reflect that this has been a year of acquisitions, both of APL and of the Dutch fibre-optic company, Zandak. Neatly masking the 24 million in bonuses these guys paid themselves. Hmm! I know. What we have here is a situation in which someone needs to be asking some very hard questions. Absolutely. Put your hand up. What? No! Put your hand up. I've no hard questions. I'll give you them. I'm going to just take notes. Put your hand up. I don't think so. You'll be fine. Put your hand up. (whispers) Hello. He's not listening. Louder, louder. And stand up. Rebecca Bloomwood! (SPEAKER FALLS SILENT) Hello. From. From. Hi. From... From Successful Saving. It's a magazine. We'll take questions after the report. Good. Performance in - Ask how much he earns. How much do you burn? Earn. Earn. Excuse me? Louder. What do you earn? We will be taking questions - Why award themselves bonuses? Why did you award yourself bonuses? 24 million. Of 23... 24. Billion. Million. Million. Dollars. Million dollars. Investors lost eight percent. While investors lost eight percent? (MURMURING) As I said, I'll be happy to answer - Is that true? And now a long pause and no answer. Long pause, no answer. OK, do you know why we did that? Some kind of cruel initiation rite? Listen to this. "Security can mean different things to different people." "For some, it's going to a party in the right shoes." "This might leave you feeling secure for an evening but have a crippling effect on you in later life." I wrote that. You wrote that. What firms like Comintex thrive on is an endemic lack of public understanding. They get away with murder because Maisie with a root beer and a $200 investment portfolio, what does she actually know about what those guys are doing? What she's told. If the magazines she looks to aren't asking the right questions, it isn't good for Maisie. I want you to tell the truth in a way that Maisie can understand. Go home, write me an initial outline and email it to me by 3 o'clock. OK? Oh no. 1 Oh yeah. Nice! I just got a call from Jeff at Comintex. They're having a stockholders' meeting. Yes, I sent someone. Yeah, you did. Real find, actually, the girl I sent. She's sparky, honest. Exactly the type that I was hoping to find. I assume that's why Edgar West got you to recruit me. Damn it! Slice. I hired you to fix the bottom line of this magazine, and we know the key to that is advertising revenue. You hired me to create a product that sells, not to sell a product. What if I'm with Edgar West? We're playing golf, and he turns to me nonchalantly and says, "I'd like to know why Luke Brandon decided to hire a journalist who could damage the interests of Dantay West." I haven't, because she won't. (background chatter) It's like a rush of adrenaline. I feel like I've run a marathon. (WOMEN CLAMOUR) Galliano! They have Gucci half off! Calvin Klein half off. Nicole Miller! Ladies, everyone just be patient. 'At every point I will ask, "Do I need this?"' There's another entrance this way! (ALL SHRIEK) 'These cashmere gloves I need, as it is winter and I have... hands! So, that's all.' I'll buy these and these alone. Missoni! 'Now walk away, strong and frugal.' (GASPS) Oh, my God! Pucci boots. '50 percent off?' '(SIGHS) Do I need these?' 'Do I need these? Do I need these?' No. Jeannie, Pucci boots! I'm so sorry. I had them first. But you put them down. I saw 'em first so I'm taking 'em. But you took your hands off. Gimme the boots and no-one gets hurt! Gimme the boots. Gimme the boots! I want them! Look! There's a sale on Burberry! (SHRIEKS) Oldest trick in the book! Give them! No! Give me the boots! I waited in line all morning! (YELLS TRIUMPHANTLY) Agh! # Hands over my head # Thinking what else could go wrong # Would have stayed in bed # How can the day be so long? # Never believed # That things happen for # A reason # But how this turned out removed all my doubts # So believe # Before you undo it all over... 'Your store card is like a 50-percent-off cashmere coat.' 'The first time you meet, it promises to be your best friend.' Until you look closely and realise it's not real cashmere. You've been ripped off. Right. You get it? You get it? We get it. Now go away. "As winter comes, you discover that your coat isn't actually a friend at all." "You should've read the fine print." "You should look more closely at what you're getting into." You should put a picture in that. It's a present. Haven't got around to filling it yet. My mom bought me this exact one from a thrift store. Probably paid half. Not that they often shop at thrift stores! What? This is good. Really? Hm. Is it by Rebecca Bloomwood? Yes! My friend Suze saw me writing it. Is that how you want your name to appear? "By Rebecca Bloomwood"? Oh, right. No, I don't want to be too associated with this magazine. Sorry? Because I think it would be better to be slightly more of an Everyman. Erm, a little more whoooo... mysterious. Rather than just... Becky. Hm. Hm. "The Girl in the Green Scarf. Thank you." "I bought your magazine this morning and have already told three stores where to stick their credit cards." (ALL LAUGH) Check it out! Jay Brogan, Queens, via email. I'm sorry. "It's easy to feel those guys do it for your benefit." "You never check the APR." You can call him from my desk. No! "Tell you what, I have now. Thanks, Mrs Green Scarf." We never get this kind of response! (KNOCK ON DOOR) Excuse me, sir. Edgar West. That's not good. He hates us. Luke Brandon. I've just spent a few minutes rather wrapped up in your Green Scarf. I like it. She obviously has a passion for personal finance. Excuse me, I'm sorry, but he is really being persistent. He needs to talk to you. Just tell him I'm busy, please. You're a lucky man, Mr Brandon. It's this charity that I'm the chairperson of. Thank you, sir. It seems that he liked the column so much that he's sending extra copies of the magazine to his children. Oh, my God. I can't believe it! (APPLAUSE) (KNOCK AT DOOR) I'm really sorry, sir! There's a man on line two and he says it's a matter of life or death. What's his name? Derek Smeath. Oh! No! Exactly how long has this ex-boyfriend been stalking you? Ever since the relationship ended. He's been following me around pretending to be a debt collector. I was once stalked. By a dog. OK. Look, take the rest of the day, and block all future calls from Derek Smeath. Yes, sir. Spend it wisely. Oh, God. Dad? (CHAIR CREAKS) Money... is what I came to talk to you about. Yeah? Hey, honey? Yeah. You got them wings? Coming. It's funny because your mom and I were gonna call you over to talk about pretty much the exact same thing. Money. Savings. Our money. Our life savings. Really? All our married life, we've been the kind of people that we just don't spend, we save. We've built up a little nest egg. Of money. A big nest egg of money. Of dough. Yeah, we do! And so, we decided... That we wanted to call you here, our only, beautiful, lovely daughter, to tell you that, well... (BOTH) We spent it! Every last cent! (horn toots "Colonel Bogey") (crashes over kerb) He's still just getting the hang of it. Isn't she a babe? He's wanted one of these since the day I met him. It's got a built-in blender, electric fans and a sewage disposal. Kathy and Gordon in England, the ones whose pool collapsed because of the mould? Kathy with the beard? Yep. She had electrolysis. They sent us this off the web. It's an article... It makes you think about money. About what it's really worth. Security in your old age? Or is it investing in what you love? You have got to read it. It's by someone called the Girl in the Green Scarf. She's a genius. (PHONES RING) Oh, my God. Guys! We're international! Yes! We've taken Asia! Russell, how's that article on mortgage brokers? It's gonna be huge. Pay cheque. I need it by the morning. Rebecca? Yes? Come with me to the APA conference next week. Absolutely. What's the APA conference? Biggest magazine event of the year. In Miami. Oh, Luke, I think I should definitely be there! Early, I mean, and make sure that the hotel's OK and find restaurants if anyone wants to relax. Not that I intend to, but you never know, some people might. I'm glad you're so enthusiastic. I'm excited myself. Oh. You are? Yeah. I mean, because a lot of people are very excited to meet you. You've opened up a whole new demographic. You're opening up his what? Demographic! Mm-hm! Which is why he wants to take me to the beach. I mean, the conference. Shouldn't you be getting to Alette? I'm on my way. You're in as a finance guru! I give great financial advice. Ever considered taking your own advice? Ohh! Mom, calm. What would Green Scarf say about hiding Visa bills under your bed? That is not relevant! That is so relevant. It's the most relevant thing in the world! There isn't another reason you want to go to Miami? No. Maybe it rhymes with Fluke? Luke. A-ha! That's it. You're making that face. What face? Bex, you like him. This is terrible! (STAMMERS) No. No. No. No. Hypothetically... Hypothetically, you're a big, fat liar! You're advising people about debt and you're up to your eyes in it! (GROANS) Yeah, hide under there. (GIGGLES) (YAWNS) Oh, Monsieur Sherman. My name is Brandon. My mother's name is Sherman. Yes. Monsieur Discret! Oh! You saved me. Not at all. Oh gosh! You work at Successful Saving. Yes. We should have dinner. # Do what you want, what you want. Keep your body rocking. # Do what you want, what you want. Keep your body rocking. # OK, What am I supposed to do? Just be yourself. Luke, how are you? Hey! They let you out of prison. That's fantastic! Alicia. Luke. This is Rebecca Bloomwood. Have you read The Girl in the Green Scarf? Let's see, "Risky investment is like a pair of platform boots." Wait, nobody has ever quoted me back to me before. Luke. Got a second? Sure. What were in prison for? It was trumped up! People out there trust you. Butterfly investments. The handbag clasp! Thanks. Champagne, please. You're from the United North Bank? I run it. I was walking past your bank the other day. You have the most boring window displays in the world! Boring? I'm serious. It's as if somebody hit the snooze button and told me it was OK to sleep another for 10 minutes. Really? Not at all! You need to put some pink umbrellas, or something, to get people in! Mr Lewis, look over here. You know what else you could do? You could have a sale. A sale? Yes! Fee reductions. And free doughnuts. She writes a humorous column. I'll get another. Unusual ideas. Your writer is out of control. Keep her on a leash. She doesn't need a leash, and I would say quite the contrary. What was that tabloid sensationalism you sent me? The Jon Goldman expose? It's a well-researched article. His organisation is corrupt, full of financial holes. His company is worth $2 million a year to Dantay West. Ryan. Mr Lewis! Luke, that columnist of yours said the most outrageous things. I'd like to apologise for - Outrageous, yet brilliant. She's a breath of fresh air. I couldn't agree more. I agree too. He couldn't agree more. Our window displays ARE boring. Aren't they boring? She's honest. The doughnut idea I loved. I'll talk to you about advertising. Great. Great. Great. OK. OK. You're doing great. There's one more person here that you ought to meet. This one's pretty crucial, but having the language in common helps. Language? Janne Virtanen from Nokia. I've told him you're part Finnish, and he's very excited to meet you. Janne! Rebecca. Ah. Hei, hei! Hey, hey, hey. (LAUGHS) That's how you do it in Finland! (SPEAKS FINNISH) (LAUGHS) Yine, yine. He's funny. I can't even translate that. Long time no see, buddy. Janne. (SPEAKS FINNISH) Men like you are the reason I left Finland. # If I was a rich girl... Hola? "Miss Bloomwood?" "It's Derek Smeath from All City Debt Collection. At last we meet." Er... "How's your leg? Still broken?" Er, it's, erm... It's much better. Mr Brandon. Yes. We Scandinavians... ..like her. A lot. Then kindly limp, stagger or crawl to my office this afternoon. Absolutely. I would love to. Good. (GASPS) Except... Oh, my God. "What?" Aunt Ermintrude has fallen from the sky in a freak skydiving accident. Enough! Unless the outstanding balance is transferred first thing, nine o'clock, Monday morning, the next step will be... ..personal contact. Absolutely. Nine o'clock, Monday morning. I have to go. I'm so sorry! You are getting your own ringtone. Do not answer this call. It's Derek Smeath. Do not... Rebecca! (SHRIEKS) (PANTS) Thanks. I have something to tell you. I have something to tell you, too. OK. You first. Well... Edgar West has taken a table at the Print Association charity ball, and guess which two people from Successful Saving have been invited? It's a huge mark of respect. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) This puts us in the major league, and that is mainly down to you. Er... Are you OK? This... This isn't easy. OK. Your tie does not go with your shirt. Try to enjoy yourself. No, no! You have to savour shopping. No, you don't. You have to strike with precision and get out. We're looking for clothes for my boss. Were you thinking maybe a suit? I'm thinking about everything. This is gorgeous. We do everything. I love pink on a guy. Is that bad? That pink is great. It's gorgeous. Will he do pink? I think so. Would he do it with a white pant? He would do that. Actually, what I really need is a tuxedo, say three buttons, size 48 regular, a white dress shirt, I'll try the blue, as well, And a black vernice shoe in a size ten. And two Advil. You... speak... Prada? Occasionally. If you know how to dress, why come to the office looking like... I don't want to be defined by clothes or labels or family or... Why would you be defined by family? My mother is Elinor Sherman, New York socialite. Excuse me. Did you say your mother is Elinor Sherman? Did she tell you that we dressed her for the Met gala? She just looked stunning. Congratulations on having such a fabulous mother! My parents are divorced. I grew up in England with my dad. He's great. Very down-to-earth, totally different from my mother. Anyway, she wasn't interested until I was an adult. At which point it was assumed that I would just fall into line. For the throne? (LAUGHS) No, for the, erm, the family business. What's the business? Owning stuff. Real estate, erm, internet businesses... Er... Cable companies. Oh, don't... Oh, sorry! I'm sorry! I chose to succeed on my own terms, not kowtow to some controlling family. What's Dantay West? (LAUGHS) Do you have a take on everything in life? (BOTH) Yes! What would your take be on... ..me? Go on. What would the Girl in the Green Scarf's take be on Luke Brandon? As an investment, you pretty much suck. What? You're a workaholic. You put in all these hours, but you don't reap the rewards. It goes into someone else's pocket. But you're a great editor. And now... you look like one. Drank a lot of mojitos. Drank too many mojitos! It wasn't always work and no play. Gracias. Gracias. Cheers! Mm! Oh, por favor. Pick one. Hm? Are you serious? Hm-hm. I love this one! But look at the red one. The red one's really cute. Pick one. (SPEAKS SPANISH) No, this is gorgeous. Simple. Perfect. But why did you buy me a fan? We're going to dance. I don't know how to do this kind of dancing! I do. (SULTRY LATIN MUSIC) OK. Just follow me. No... Oh. Oh! You know, my instinct is that you should have your own business. (BOTH LAUGH) That's your instinct? Yes. Your delivery has arrived, sir. Shall I send it up? No. I'll take that. OK. Thank you. And my other instinct is that I should take this to the ball. No? What do you think? You know, Rebecca, about the ball, there's, erm... There's something I need - Well, finally! Luke, where have you been? I've been looking for you. We have a dinner reservation. Ah, did you go shopping? Yes. Rebecca's been helping me pick something out for the ball. That's perfect. I went shopping, too. We're gonna look so major together! Aren't you glad I convinced you to go with me? That's what I was trying to... Oh. Oh, great. It'll be so much fun. I'm gonna... I'm gonna go. Great! W-Wait, Rebecca! Don't go! Just... ..come out for a drink. You know Alicia and... Yes, come out for a drink. I would. I'd love to. I just... I have to make some calls. I'll see you in New York. Too bad. See ya. Good night. # Takes time # Living in a world when you don't know who to trust # Next time # Slow it down and don't feel you have to rush # You'll be fine # Takes time (MOBILE RINGS) # Takes time... # Hey, Suze. "Don't come home!" I am home. Well, don't come to the front door! (DOOR BUZZER) "It's Derek Smeath." (GASPS) Keep driving! Rebecca Bloomwood? Oh, God, oh, God! Don't panic. OK! What did you tell him? I told him that your Aunt Ermintrude died of malaria. She died in a skydiving accident! Her parachute didn't open! How am I supposed to know? She doesn't exist! I've made mistakes but I'm turning my life around. I'm gonna go the ball, impress Alette Naylor. Here! All I have to do first is buy a new dress. Bex, no! Absolutely not. You have 10,000 dresses already. You exaggerate! I know the dress. It's perfect. You got it at the thing. I hope we didn't throw it away at the de-cluttering. Oh, Bex! Imagine you wearing this dress, walk past the mirror, would you be jealous? Yes! Oh, my gosh. I forgot I even had this dress! Fluke would love you in that dress! (SIGHS) Don't talk about Fluke. Why? What happened? Alicia Bitch Longlegs is what happened. I hate her. Who is she? She's the girl with the perfect everything. Well, Luke is a raging moron! He's going to be so bummed when you show up looking like a knockout! You're gonna be a total hottie! (SIGHS HAPPILY) It's perfect. All I have to do now is buy a new bag. Oh, my God. There has to be a bag somewhere in this room. Do not open that closet! Suze! Suze! Suze! Suze, are you there? Oh... Oh, my God! You didn't throw anything away, did you? I'm sorry. OK. I know what you need. My name is Joyce and I'm a shopaholic. (ALL) Welcome, Joyce. Thank you. I'm the wife of a textile importer. My husband found my secret stash in the linen closet. He found my cruisewear and now he says that there won't be a cruise! (ALL) Ohh! OK, hang in there, Joyce. What about you, Ryuichi? How was your week? My name is Ryuichi... and I'm shopaholic. (ALL) Hi, Ryuichi. It is six months, three weeks and four days since I last used my credit card. (ALL GASP IN ADMIRATION) That's just wonderful! You're an inspiration to all of us. Did you hear that, Joyce? What about you, Mr Freak? My name is D Freak. I'm a shopaholic. (ALL) Welcome. I'm also a former NBA player. (CHUCKLES) We'll get back to that. Erm, I cracked at Cartier today. How many did you buy this time? Er, I got seven. One for every different day of the week. See, I got the Santos and - Keep coming back, OK? Give him some support. Keep coming back. Which store? Rebecca! Why don't you share your story? Erm, hello, everybody. Er, I'm Rebecca Bloomwood. (ALL) Hi, Rebecca. I just actually came here as a favour to a friend. Erm, I mean, I like shopping. Is there anything so wrong with that? I mean, stores are put there to enjoy. The experience is enjoyable! Well, more than enjoyable. It's... It's beautiful. The sheen of silk draped across a mannequin! Oh, the smell of new Italian leather shoes. Italian leather shoes, that's the best. Oh, the rush you feel when you swipe your card, and it's approved, and it all belongs to you! OK, Rebecca. Thank you for sharing - The joy when you've bought something and it's just you and the shopping. You and shopping. Ryuichi! All you have to do is hand over a little card. Pull it together! It's the best feeling in the world. You wanna shout from the mountaintops! That's real talk. You feel so... confident and alive! And happy? And happy! And warm. What's going on here? I need to buy a new bag. I have to impress Alette Naylor. You should get a watch. Catherine Malandrino has a sale. You're like my soul sister. I have to go. Good luck, everybody. Do they have shoes there? You sit down! (ALL) My will is strong! My wallet is closed! I do not want to shop! # They tried to make me go to rehab I said no, no, no # Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know # I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine # They tried to make me go to rehab I won't go, go, go # There's nothing, there's nothing you can teach me... ..oh, and the green, too! Is there anything else I haven't seen? What's in this box? Have I seen absolutely everything? Sparkles. Oh, I love sparkles! Do you have any more in the back? You. (INHALES DEEPLY) You! Oh! I'm sorry. Get it away all from me! Not those! 1 (MUZAK VERSION OF "REHAB" PLAYS) (ELEVATOR BELL PINGS) (ELEGANT MUSIC) Alicia! You look stunning. Hey. I want you to meet Luke Brandon. From Successful Saving. The magazine looks great. 'There she is. OK, do not panic.' '"Hello, Alette. Since I was 14 I wanted to work at your magazine."' Rebecca, you look so cute. You're unravelling. What? (FABRIC RIPS) (GASPS) What? Shame. Hi! (SHRIEKS) (BOTH SHRIEK) Oh, dear! (LAUGHS) Oh, my God! Sorry. (SHRIEKS) Oh, please. Oh, no. Oh, no. Isn't she adorable? Yes, adorable. Oh, oh, oh! (SHRIEKS) Now, dear, I need a glass of champagne right now. Coming right up. And I'll have a gin and tonic. Absolutely! I'm intrigued to meet this Girl in the Green Scarf. Potential TV star, I hear. They want her on the Morning Coffee show. I think Rebecca would be great on television. She's hard to ignore. Excuse me! Are they presentable? They're beautiful. Do not talk back! Bus your tables. Let's move it! I should read this Green Scarf girl. It seems she's very a la mode. Real poise. Hey! (SCREAMS) What are you doing? I need a gin and tonic and some champagne, please. What are you, a drunk? Put that back! On your feet, Goldilocks. We're short-staffed! I need food on tables now. Go! No, I need to get - Six more, please! Oh! I'm not a waitress. I know you're not, honey. You're an actress. I get it. I do. Now go, go, go! Go! (SALSA MUSIC) What are you doing? Go out there and serve the fish! (SHRIEKS) Serve this table now. Do it. (GASPS) Miss Bloomwood. Yes. I'll have the trout. I'll have the salmon. Do you have low-fat dressing? I'm not a waitress. Miss Bloomwood! OK. Salmon here. The famous Miss Bloomwood? The waitress? Miss Bloomwood! Put it down and sit! Sit, yes. (DINERS GASP / WOMAN SHRIEKS) I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Sorry! Here we are. Sit down, Rebecca. Right, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we will be serving the brook trout and wild smoked salmon. Mrs West, the fish from this region is a powerful aphrodisiac. Give her two. You serve as if you've served all your life. Paid my way through college waiting tables. And that fish weighs the same as the girl on your last cover. Oooh! (LAUGHING) Alicia, were you a salmon or a trout? You were a trout. Oh. Thanks for saving me in there. So, have you filled your photo frames yet? No. Not yet. You could put a picture of Alicia in one. (LAUGHS WRYLY) Except there probably wouldn't be room for her spidery, long legs. You know, I've always felt that spidery, long legs were vastly overrated. I thought she was your girlfriend. No. She's not my girlfriend. She's not you. Erica, get her on the phone. Pretend she's your best friend in the world. Find out how she got in this terrible situation. How did she get so far behind? And you take that information and you use it against her. What are her motivators? Pride? Integrity? Honour? Fear? Tell her she'll lose everything, you'll slap a lien on her house and print it in the papers. Take her to the edge of the cliff. Let her think you'll push her over. At the last minute, pull her back and get what you want out of her. That, Erica, is how you earn a commission. Excuse me. (ELEVATOR BELL PINGS) (ELEVATOR BELL PINGS) ("BATMAN" MOBILE RINGTONE) Derek Smeath. Hello? Hello? Elevators. Thank goodness for redial. (elevator bell pings) "Do not answer this call. It's Derek Smeath." "Do not answer this call. It's Derek Smeath." "Do not answer this call. It's Derek Smeath." "Do not answer this call. It's Derek Smeath. Do not answer this call." (elevator bell pings) No, he doesn't know it yet, but he will. Alright. Speak to you then. Luke! Good morning. Hi. Hi. Excusez-moi. (SHRIEKS) Am I interrupting something? No. No, no. I've come for the Green Scarf girl. Me? Our esteemed Monsieur West has asked me to dress you for your TV debut. I have one hour to shop. I'm sorry, excuse me, but, Rebecca, Derek Smeath is here. Erm... I... Rebecca is being stalked. (GASPS) So exciting at Successful Saving! I've had enough of this. I'll see him. Luke! I never want you to meet him! Don't worry. I've called security. See? She called security. Voila. Shall we go? No, no. This is outrageous! I have every right! After the ball, I read Successful Saving and your piece was very good. I've been observing you and you have natural street fashion, but... ..do you have genuine style? < This is an outrage! Dressing is like any worthwhile endeavour. It is an art but also a challenge. Bonjour. This dress is good for you, huh? With maybe... ..this jacket over. That's genius, Alette. Parfait. (LAUGHS) I think that is a great dress... But I was thinking a little more... of something like this? I mean, I'd pair it with a new Yves Saint Laurent coat. Show me. So, Rebecca... Mm? Take her bag. You are sure of your choice? Yeah. Hmm. We'll see. "Do not answer this call. It's Derek Smeath. "Do not answer this call. It's Derek Smeath. "Do not answer this call. It's Derek Smeath. "Do not answer this call. It's Derek Smeath. "Do not answer this call. It's..." Hello. 1 Ah, yes. Is perfect. So, unfortunately, I cannot stay, but I am looking forward to seeing how you accessorise for your debut. Thank you! Goodbye. Oh God. Is there a problem? Pretty much my entire first month's salary. Hmm. But isn't it worth it? No peeking. Don't peek. Can you see? Get up here. Now turn this way. Don't peek. Don't peek. OK. Open! (SHRIEKS) And look, look, look! The best part! (ALL SHRIEK) Do you love it? It's so her! Bex, this is so exciting! I'm getting married and you love your dress, you're getting to Alette... What's in that bag? Oh. That's just a dress that Alette chose for me for the TV show. Mom, can you go get a cupcake? How much did it cost? Alette gets an incredible discount. You still go to Shopaholics Anonymous? Yes! Because you promised. I know! Oh, excuse me. Are you going to the shopaholics meeting? Yes. Could you do me a favour and stow these in your trunk? Looks bad entering a self-help shopping group with a Barneys bag. (SNORTS) I know exactly what you mean! Leave it to me. OK. OK. Save me a seat, huh? OK. (CHURCH BELL TOLLS) Thank you! My name is Miss Korch. I am your new group leader. I do things differently. Miss Bloomwood? You're willing to give away money for things you don't need, so why not give away things you don't need for no money? But I really need those things! I'll show you who really needs them! Steady! Steady. Courage, woman. Oh my. Colourful. This is my bridesmaid's dress. Please! How many of us have used that one before? (ALL TITTER) OK. I just want you to take these clothes and do good. Miss Bloomwood, wasn't that liberating? Bravo! (ALL CHEER) (ALL CHANT GROUP MANTRA) Back to the basement. I couldn't be prouder. There's been a mistake. The dresses I gave in, I need them back. Christy! Yes? Can't sell those dresses. There's been a mistake. No returns. I really need these dresses! I could bring back something else. Something better. No exchanges. OK, so, um, I'll buy 'em. You will? That's great. We need every cent. OK. How much? 110. A hun... What? How is this a charity store? This is from Barneys. I know. OK. I don't have enough for both. This one's 20. Maybe come back for this one? Which is more important? (TV) "Got money issues? Who hasn't?" Tarkie, Tarkie, she's on! "..we have the gurus of Successful Saving..." This is her? "...the Girl in the Green Scarf, Rebecca Bloomwood..." She looks like an expert. How are her accessories? Hey, Janice. She's in the... Whoa. What channel? "Finance. Not my thing." "(ALL LAUGH) Jane. Yeah? Janey. Janey! What? "Then I read your columns and I'm like, 'wow, I get it!'" Right. Which is exactly the point. So much financial journalism is really... It's really boring. I'm with you on that! (ALL LAUGH) Yes! Go, Bex! It's not accessible. But ordinary people have the most in savings. It is. It's people like my mom and dad. Ow! (TV) "Tell us about the coat." Tell the audience what you wrote about the cashmere coat and worth. Well, that's you. No, no. He inspired me. Aw! "It's the difference between cost and worth." Essentially something you can't see and touch, but it's actually the most valuable commodity in America, and that's... Trust. Trust. I'm loving you guys. Who knew that debt could be so much fun? We have a bit more time to get questions from the audience. Is there anybody with any financial issues that would... Yes, you, sir. Well, I'm having trouble with debt. OK. Mortgage debt, car debt? Miss Bloomwood's debt. (LAUGHS) Miss Bloomwood's debt? That's right. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Pff! I'm from All City Debt Collection Agency. My name is Derek Smeath. Oh! "All righty." For God's sake, can I just say that this man has been stalking Rebecca for the past year? Yes, I have. To recover unrepaid credit on a store card totalling $9412 and a quarter. Is this for real? No, I'm sorry, because he is her ex-boyfriend. Really? No wonder she didn't bring him home. That's good! (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) I tell you, the more you look at me, the funnier that gets. (ALL LAUGH) OK. Well, uh, my ex-girlfriend told me she couldn't meet me today because I might risk contamination with an infection she picked up in Finland. Did you know she was part Finnish? OK! We're on limited time. Is there anybody else that would... No, no, no! The best is yet to come. Oh God! Did you realise our Miss Bloomwood is currently in hospital with depression? With gallstones? "Cheque is in the mail" 14 times. "Cheque is lost in the mail" 14 times. Who else has a question? Recovering from a chemical fruit-acid peel. Called back for a second tour of duty in Basra. (ALL LAUGH) Which of these excuses is true? Are any of them? Will the real Rebecca Bloomwood please stand up? At least I don't have to worry about you being stalked! Luke, you don't understand! No, you're right, I don't! So do what I hired you to do, and make the truth clear to somebody who absolutely doesn't understand! I shop. You lie because you shop? (STAMMERS) OK, OK. Why do you shop? Well... Come on, come on! You're not giving me time. Time for what? To make something up? For once, tell me the truth. Because when... When I shop, the world gets better. The world is better. And then it's not any more and I need to do it again. What about honesty? What about credibility? I wanted to tell you, but I-I... I only took the job to get to Alette. I wish you all the best with that. Luke, I'm so sorry. No, no. I understand. The whole thing was a lie. That absolutely makes sense. # You're breaking my heart. You're tearing it apart. Boo-hoo. # Now I've gone insane. # And you're breaking my glasses, too, OK? # Is she wearing my bridesmaid's dress? (DOOR SLAMS) Suze! That I can absolutely explain! OK! Explain. Oh. Explain! (SOBS) Oh God... Suze! Mr West, I like Luke Brandon. But it would seem on recent evidence Mr Brandon allowed his objectivity to lapse. Mr Brandon? (SIGHS) Rebecca Bloomwood... Rebecca Bloomwood was... the most vivacious, funny, inspiring woman I have ever met. And she lived a lie. We know that now. But what she wrote in her columns was the truth. She had a voice. She spoke to people who never believed that they could understand, and who loved it when they found that they could. And I loved it. Rebecca Bloomwood let me down. But the Girl in the Green Scarf never did. (HORN TOOTS "COLONEL BOGEY") As for you... If Luke Brandon and his attitude aren't fitting in at Dantay West, there's really only ever one solution. Maybe we should start a new magazine. A magazine driven purely by the voices of its writers. A part of the company, but outside the gates, you know? Yeah, sounds... sounds great. Yeah. It's unexpected, but, you know... You have drive, Mr Brandon. And vision. I've been impressed. Oh, it will be tough-going to start, but... that's the way Cy and I built this company. On the day that we put that sign up over the door, "Dantay West", that was when we knew that we'd made the right decision. So here's to our new venture. Well, I, um... I... I cannot believe it. I'm going to kill her. (SIGHS) Mr West, when you put that sign above the door, you wanted to make your name in the world? More than anything else. So do I. (LOW CHATTER) ...talk to her. Sweetie, honestly, do you think it's too... "Raising Financially Fit Kids." Do you think it's too late for this? It's never too late. Glad we went to that book fair? Pretty amazing, ain't it? That's why your mother and I love coming here. Reminds us of our childhood in Finland. Your mom and I think if the American economy... ..can be billions in debt and still survive, so can you. The RV is worth about 13... No. Dad! We want to. I will kill you if you sell it. It completely defines you. Completely. Nothing defines me... except you and your mother. # "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" - Greg Laswell # The phone rings # In the middle of the night # My mother says, "When you gonna live your life right?" # Well, Mother dear # We're not the fortunate ones # Oh, girls, they # Wanna have fun # Oh, girls, they # It's all they really want # Those girls, they wanna have fun # So she really did it? And it all worked. What do you mean? You mean you don't know? Oh, this is good. Alette Naylor is going to see the little Green Scarf girl to give her the one thing that she wants most in all the world. And now I'm stuck with her. I'm happy to have found you, Rebecca. I went to Mr West to... Ah. Thank you. Oh! (LAUGHS) Charles et Diana. No, no. Not from Indiana! They're from England. No, she said Charles and Diana. Yes, well... I went to see Mr West to petition for clemency, which he gave. And is Luke Brandon OK? Unfortunately, Monsieur Brandon is no longer with Dantay West. But he'll land on his feet. He's a Sherman, after all. Rebecca, you may not know this, but your appearance on that TV show has struck a nerve with many, many girls. They identify with you. Your column will be... .."Affordable Fashion". 500 words, once a month. Welcome to Alette. (ALL GASP) I know where all the sales are! Yes, she does! In fact, she got that from me. No, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't. Cake? Yes. Oh, no, no, no! Vraiment. Tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny. Oh. No, tiny. Tiny! Tiny! Mm. Thank you. Ohh! You will make your column personal. You'll take pieces from your own wardrobe. Like this, for example. This is very pretty. They're swell. This season. Well, they're Louboutins, so, I mean, they're not affordable fashion. Fear not. Chez Alette, we print the prices very small! (LAUGHS) After all, what are credit cards for, uh? You must know that. Yeah. Wow. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Yeah, no, I er... I know all about credit cards. And final notices and debt collectors. Erm, they should print that in the fashion magazines, right? Hm-hm. Rebecca, you have a moral conscience. But if you want to work for my magazine - No, I really... I wanna work at Alette. What's the matter, baby? I just have that really annoying feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know that feeling? Yes! I get it in the back of my head. Yeah, you know what I mean? You wanna do something, but you feel like you shouldn't? That's it! I get heartburn. (SIGHS) I just... I have made so many mistakes, and I feel like taking this job would be another one. Before you make your decision, know this. When I leave zis 'ouse, the hopportunity leave with me. Well, then, you should both go. C'est la vie. 1 (PHONES RING) You're a Sherman. Can't you finance this yourself? I'm asking if you will back me. I'm asking... if I am a good investment. Alright, people! This is it! I want you to think of it as a toxic little monkey on your back! Do it, Freak! BUT anybody who cries will have to cut two cards. (ALL GASP) I'm Rebecca Bloomwood and I'm a shopaholic! (ALL) Hi, Rebecca. I destroyed my career on national television. I lied to the man I love. I hurt my best friend. I invented a stalker. And I don't even speak Finnish. But I have a plan, and I need your help. Who's with me? # Hey, hey # Don't matter what you're wearing # Hey, hey # It's about the way you wear it Shut up. Sale of the century. Forward to all employees. Send. (COMPUTER BEEPS) Luke, sorry. May I take a long lunch? Sure. What are you doing? Oh, I have an appointment. With whom? A... person. Well, I suppose she has to, er, clear the decks. Make room for all those free clothes from Alette! Go, Hayley. Bags! Ready! Accessories! Ready! Shoes! Ready. Millinery. What you call me? Hats. Oh. They're getting antsy out there! Ready when you are, Miss Bloomwood. Open the doors, Dad! There's plenty for everyone! (SQUEALS) You'll note the delicious colour, the smart collar and these classic buttons. $30 is my final offer. I'll give you $30 to leave my table. What would your mother like? Sobriety. It's a good... It's a lucky top. These are real Prada shoes, ladies. They go with the same pink as this scarf. And the handbag. Oh, and the gloves. OK, you know what? Not for sale. Not for sale. Miss Ptaszinski! I'm OK. (BANGS GAVEL) And now... It's the green scarf. An icon... Supple, sensual, the colour of money. Rebecca always had such fabulous taste. No wonder she's at Alette. Becky didn't end up at Alette. She turned that "hoppertunity" down. What? Why? Yes, Jane Bloomwood, hi. Hi! Now who will be the next Girl in the Green Scarf? $50! Anyone else? 70! $90! (ALL GASP) $90 right here! Excuse me. Who's gonna be the It Girl? I have a bidder on the phone. $120. 120 for the beautiful, famous, elegant... 150! Don't sell it. You've sold so much already. $200! Two hundred and fifty dollars. (ALL GASP) 250! I have 250. The bid is against you at 250. Well? $300! (GASPS) And you can tell your friend on the phone I'll match anything they bid. She's like an assassin. $300. Going once... Going twice... My bidder withdraws. Sold! For $300 to the lady in pink. (CHEERING) Wait! Er... Don't wear it with yellow. Never. It could bring you love. Thank you. (SIGHS) (APPLAUSE) One, two, three, four. That's another 1,000. Wow. $16,586, 72 cents. You are a winner, babe! (ALL SHRIEK) Oh, my God! Agh! Mr Smeath. What the hell is this? What are you doing? I'm doing what you did to me on that television show, Derek. I'm just giving you what you deserve. But in the most inconvenient way possible. And that, I think, makes $9,412. Oh. And a quarter. (WOMEN FUSS / COO) I've got it. I've got it. OK. Ladies, it's time! How did you get it back? I did a deal. Get her some flowers! Ready, sweetie? Bex! Come here. (LAUGHS) # In the wintertime # Keep your feet warm # But keep your clothes on # And don't forget me # Keep the memories # But keep your powder dry too # Now don't forget me # Please don't forget me # Make it easy on me just for a little while # You know I think about you # I hope you think about me too # When we're older # A little slower # It doesn't matter now # Come on, get happy # Cos nothing lasts for ever # But I will always love you... # (UPLIFTING MUSIC / APPLAUSE) (MUSIC STOPS) You sold all your clothes and kept that? It's Suze's - Wedding. I know. I'm an investigative journalist, Rebecca. Give me some credit. You really sold it all? You have nothing left? I mean,... I wouldn't put it like that. (GASPS) Neither would I. The bidder on the phone was you. But you lost! Both bidders were me. It's a desperately important scarf. (UPLIFTING MUSIC) 'Name - Rebecca Bloomwood.' 'Occupation - I am a columnist for Luke's new magazine.' 'Dress - borrowed from Suze as I am a reformed shopaholic.' Hey, Ryuichi! Wow! 'It is amazing what you have time to do when you're not shopping.' 'I actually learned Finnish.' (SPEAKS FINNISH) Ahh... 'And instead of a relationship with my credit card, I have a relationship with someone who loves me back.' 'And never declines me.' Where do you get your moves? Who knows? It just comes naturally. You're right. It's a mystery. # "Stuck With Each Other" ` Shontelle Feat Akon # Now I can # say I would not care if you were not there, # tell myself that I'll be fine without ya, # but I'd die if I was not around ya. # And I can try to convince you I don't need to be with you. # But my only thoughts are thoughts about ya. # What can I do? # Love is like glue. # There's no way to. # Tear us apart. # Cos it's too late, there's no escape. # Might as well face it. Baby, we're stuck with each other, stuck with each other. # Ain't nothin' I can do about it. # It's been too long, this is too strong. # Yes, we belong here. Baby, we're stuck with each other, stuck with each other. # Stuck in love with each other. # Ain't nothing gonna stop me and you, eh. # Cos you know we just stuck like glue, eh. # We're stuck in love with each other. # # You can talk all you want, but my skin is really thick. # I'm the leader of a crowd, and my game is really slick. # I'm unstoppable. # Unstoppable, unstoppable. # Unstoppable. # Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa, follow the leader. # Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa, follow the leader. # You can talk all you want, but my skin is really thick. # I'm the leader of a crowd, and my game is really slick. # I'm unstoppable. # Unstoppable, unstoppable. # Unstoppable. # # "Fashion" ` Lady Gaga # I am, # I'm too fabulous. # I'm so fierce that it's so nuts, yeah. # J'adore Vivienne habillez-moi Louis, Dolce & Gabbana. # Alexander McQueen, et, oh, merde, I love those Manolos. # Fashion, put it all on me. # Don't you want to see these clothes on me? # Fashion, put it all on me. # I am anyone you want me to be... # IMS Subtitles www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. TVNZ Captioning 2011