(fanfare crescendos) (fanfare ends) (roars) (roars) It's beautiful, right? It's great. Hey. What's that? -What? -Check it out. Hey. Okay. (grunts) Hey, there's a note in it. Get out of here. (hums fanfare) Yes, there is. -It says, "Will you mar..." -Stephanie? It's no secret we've been on a journey together. An adventure. I've-I've done a lot of soul-searching, and I know... this is just right. So... will you marry me? That's so sweet. No. Sorry? Ugh. I can't. Really? I really didn't want to do this right now, but you're kind of forcing my hand. Um... I'm thinking we've reached the end of the line. Really? Look, Griffin, I know it shouldn't bother me that you're a zookeeper, but it kind of does. And when we first started dating, I just assumed that you would turn into the guy that I'd always dreamed of being with, but... Not your dream guy. I got it. You had to see this coming. I bought a ring and rented a horse. Well, that's not my fault! Don't yell at me on the beach! - I love... - Stop it! Do not make this harder than it has to be. God! You totally set me up. (sobbing) Little heads up: I may have hired a mariachi band. (trumpet playing "Cielito Lindo") Oh, there they are. Just ignore them. # Ay, ay, ay, ay # Canta y no llores - (fireworks popping) - (Stephanie screams) GRIFFIN: Ignore it. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2016 Thank you, sir. There you go. - Morning, Barry. - (deep huff) (chittering) Come on, Donald. Let's move you out of the sun. Come on. There you go, buddy. Nice and shady. (chittering) Cherry! Thanks, Franky. See you at the party tonight. (flies buzzing) Come on, Shane. What are you doing? We talked about this. His food should always be fresh and placed inside the door, out of the sun. Hey, you go down there all you want. I am not getting jacked up by him again. It's been ten years. Bernie's cool. Why do you bring this stuff around here? Are you trying to make the rest of us look bad? What? No, no. I just, you know, I feel for him. He's all alone. Oh. He's all alone. Look, it all starts with trust. Sure. You won't be so cocky when he's beating you to death with your own arm. (lock clanking, gears whirring) Hey, Bern. Got a little something for you. (door clanks) Looks like things just got fun around here, huh? W-What is this, anyway? Is this an old tire or a gateway to adventure?! (screams) It's-It's adventure. It's an adventure. -Hey, Tony. -(squawks) Go. Hey. How did it go with the tire swing? Oh. That good, huh? I don't know if he's ever gonna come around. Don't get discouraged. Bernie feels what you're trying to do. All the animals do. You're, like, the freakin' hippo whisperer. I don't know. Hey, is that the new release cage? Yep. The eagle enclosure is almost done. I got to tell you, it is amazing. Great job. Thank you. It's getting a lot of attention. In fact, I may be sitting on an offer to work my magic at the Nairobi Zoo in Africa. (chuckles): Oh, man. -Wow. That's awesome. -(laughs) Congratulations. I'm thinking about it, but... Ah, it's great to be wanted. I'm sure you know how that feels. Oh, I've been in play. There was a zoo in New Hampshire that was coming after me pretty hard-- It wasn't so much a zoo, it was more like an animal farm. But the animals were nice there. It was really cool. Not big, like here. We didn't have the, you know, the-- They had a couple badgers. They had a badger and a-- They had a sick raccoon. Sick! His name was Peter, and he was big. Hang in there, girl. -Whoa! -It's gonna be all right. -What happened? -She's having trouble breathing. What?! What's happening? She's stable and she's sedated. I'm gonna get a trach tube. Oh, my God. Okay. -(flatline tone) -What do we do?! -Kate, Kate, come on! -Don't panic, Griffin! -She's not breathing. -We need to support her neck! On my count! One, two, and... (grunts) Oh, she's a big girl. She's a big girl. (grunting) -Griffin, are you okay?! -Yeah. There's something blocking her airway. I-I need a laryngoscope! Okay. I-I don't know what a laryng... It's in the drawer! Yeah, I got Post-its. I got cinnamon Tic Tacs. -I don't even... -No, no, no. It's silver, it's curved, and it has a light on it. -Got it! -Come on, come on. Hurry, hurry. There's definitely something in her throat. Hold her jaw open, okay? I'm putting my hand in. -It's stuck. -Oh, no, come on. -(grunts) -Oh, God. Okay. I guess I'm up. -I can't get it. -All right. Come on. -Okay, I'll hold. -Hold it. Come on, you can do it. Wow, that's a feeling I never want to get used to. Hurry, hurry! You can do it, you can do it. I got it! -(monitor beeping) -She's breathing! (panting) Good luck getting the deposit back on that one. You did it. No, we did it. -(laughs) -We did it. (both sigh) She's okay. Oh, God. You're okay. (rock intro playing) # We'll survive the night, baby... # This place looks amazing, Griffin. -Hmm? -No. Grif, Mom and Dad would have loved this. -Thank you. -Kate. -Hi. Dave. -Kate heads up our eagle program. -That's Robin. -Congratulations. -Thank you. -Nice to meet you. This is Venom; he is our reptile guy. -Hey. How are you? -Oh, you got to bring it in with him. (grunts) Now, on to the fiancee. (chuckles) (inhales deeply) (chuckles) GRIFFIN: Okay, Venom, -reel it in. -Okay, that feels good. Okay, okay. Whoa, whoa. (laughs) Hey, come on. You're not married yet. (laughs) Congrats on your big day. I don't know where you kids are going for your honeymoon, but Omaha-- stupid with underground fight clubs. Okay. Uh, we're gonna circulate. VENOM (chuckles): All right. Congrats on being hot. I gots to gets my flows on. (laughs) Wow. - All right, folks. - (music stops) I'd like to bring up the guy who is responsible for putting together this little party-slash... field trip, uh, Dave's brother, Griffin! -(cheering) -Griffin! -Griffin! (clears throat) -Are you going with Floyd? -Oh, yeah. Go get them. I'm getting them. Let's hear it for him. (applause) Love. We're all here tonight to celebrate one thing, and that's love. You know, finding the perfect mate is-is the most important thing in the world. No matter what package they come in. I mean, you take Floyd here. Now, porcupines-- they-they get a bad rap. Yeah. And I'm sure y-you see the sharp quills and a tough exterior. But you know what I see? Just a great guy looking for love. (crowd aahs) And that's what Robin sees in my brother Dave. (applause) (whooping, cheering) -Yeah! -Yeah! (cheering continues) (whispers): Hi. I... I-I, God-- What was I, uh... (clears throat) I, uh-- Sorry, I just lost my, uh, my train of-- I got a train of, uh, train. W-What I'm basically saying is, I-I, you know, I mean, I'm-I'm not... may not be an expert on love, you know, per se... but I, uh, I do know a lot about animals. He's an-- Did I-- He's indigenous. He's a woodland creature. (clears throat) Did I cover burrowing? Did I go over, uh, bur-- 'Cause I don't know if, uh-- I got-- uh, I had a whole thing on, uh, bur... Did it get hotter out here? Like, ten degrees hotter. Where'd that breeze go? It is hot. My elbows are sweating, that's weird. (chuckles) I don't know why I'm telling you this right now. Oh, boy, I had so many beautiful things I was gonna-- I'm just gonna sum up, I think. Sum it up. Uh, what I wanted to say, uh... -Dave, Robert, good luck. -(crowd gasps) You know, that's really what it comes down to, and, uh... Anybody who wants to learn more about porcupines, I'll be off to the side over here. (crowd murmuring) (music resumes) # Carry on, my wayward son... # Yeah. Food for thought, ladies and gentlemen. Wait a minute, you invited Stephanie? Sorry to jump you like that, bro. I didn't even know Robin was gonna invite her. I'm an idiot. You still got a thing for her, don't you? ROBIN: So, Stephanie, I saw the way that you were looking at Griffin. Something going on? I don't know. I guess I feel bad about the way things ended between us. I might have been a little rough on him. A little? Okay, Robin, a lot. I'll own it. Seeing him tonight, up there in his little uniform and... So cute. I don't know, it just reminds me that he has so much potential. DAVE: You deserve a great girl in your life, but you got to understand how the world works. W-What's wrong with being a zookeeper? No, no, nothing. Come on, you're the best, okay? It's just... Look, offer's still on the table for you to come work with me at the dealership. Okay? 'Cause here's you, here's the grass, mine's greener. -Dave, come on. -No, no, I'm serious. You could make your annual salary in a month! That is how you get a girl like Stephanie. Come on, this could be a whole new life for you. (chittering) Think about it. (sighs) Yeah. Floyd, right? (grunts weakly) Hey, I hope my being here doesn't make you uncomfortable. I'm not uncomfortable. (chuckles): So comfortable. (grunting) Oh, my God! Oh, my God! No, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. I got it. Oh. Oh... God, it's barbed. Okay, so, hey, how you doing? You, uh, you still in design school? No, no, I've been out for a while. I'm a buyer for Saks now. Oh, that's good. I see you've been busy-- lead zookeeper. Yes, yeah. You know, I just got the bump last year. Uh, they don't usually do that until you've been working here, like, ten years. I've only been here eight. You know, it's basically like getting a black belt after only, like, a month of karate. Or mastering a, uh, a, uh... (stuttering) (clears throat) That's all I can think of right now. I don't have any other things, just the karate. Go with that. So, it's good. Wow. Yeah. (clears throat) That's good. (grunts) -Oh, Griffin, you're bleeding. -No, no. Yes, yes, you are. Come here. Let me get it. I'm not gonna bite. There. (chittering) There you go. Now you're all better. Anyway, um, Robin was talking about wanting to, um, see the animals tomorrow. And, uh... we were just wondering what are the odds of maybe getting a private tour. Not good. Not good at all. No, there's a sign-up sheet, a pretty elaborate waiver, and you'd have to go through the main office, which is closed, 'cause they close at 4:00. Yeah, doesn't sound good. It's not. Um, okay, so we're on our own. Well, you know, it was really nice to see you. -Okay. -You know? Bye, Floyd. Bye, Griffin. (chuckles) (grunts) (chittering) Dave's right. (grunts) I got to get out of this zoo. (chittering) MAN: Closing up shop again, Grif? GRIFFIN: Yeah, just had to clean up. Meeting! Let's do this! Come on! (chittering) What? Oh, nothing. I certainly wasn't cleaning my basement. (lock clicking) Okay. Here we go. If this is another eating intervention, I'm not hearing it. This is my ideal weight. Ask the vet. Hey, come on, pop the latch, Fuzzy. Yeah, let's go. We want a good seat. What do you think this is about? What am I, psychic? We got the call at the same time. Take it down a peg; I was just asking a question. Bernie! Hey, we're having a meeting. You want to come? No, you don't want to come. Forget it. I don't know why I asked. Come on, everybody, let's go! We're gonna have a meeting! I'm excited about this! (animals conversing indistinctly) (growling) All right, I got a very busy schedule. This better be good. You sleep 20 hours a day, Joe. I think you'll live. Okay, things I didn't want the group to know. All right, look, we got a problem. Remember that chick that broke Griffin's heart five years ago? Well, she is back! -(animals gasp) -What, Stephanie's back? -Whoa! Ow. -This is not good. Griffin's thinking of quitting the zoo. We can't let that happen. He can't leave. He's the best zookeeper we ever had. Yeah, he keeps my hay fresh and he rubs lotion on me when I get dry skin. He makes papier-mache antelopes for me to attack. And inside, muffins! Ooh, I like muffins. Can I get a "hey, now"? Plus, he's the only human who recognizes me as an equal. Yeah, in your dreams. Thumbs, baby. It's all about the thumbs. What do you call this? That's a paw. You can't grab a coffee mug with that. You can't wear mittens. It's useless. I'm so blessed. (roars) Sorry. One more look. Griffin saved my life. All right, you know what, I've made my decision. We're not helping Griffin. Really? You know, 'cause I remember a time when you needed some help with females. - What? - Namely me. Remember, you were shy -and you sent your buddy over... -I wasn't shy. -I didn't send anybody. -...to test the waters to make sure. -And then you would, like, follow me around. -What?! I would look at you, and then you'd look away -and get all embarrassed. -Clamp it, clamp it! Okay! We're helping Griffin. Now, how do you propose we do it? Animals are experts on mating. We tell him point-blank how to get her back. No! Nobody's talking to Griffin. You know the code. We don't ever talk to humans. You don't break the code, idiot. Besides, Griffin's got no shot at this girl. And that is exactly why you're single, Bruce. You have no sense of romance! Herbivore. Maybe it's possible to help Griffin without talking to him. The girl's gonna be here tomorrow and she's interested. And how do you know that? She said, and I quote, "Griffin has potential." -Potential! -All we have to do is make him look like a hero in front of her. Then zip-zang, Griffin gets the girl, stays at the zoo. Everybody wins. Awesome! We got a plan! -Whoa! -What's this now? Wait, whoa, whoa, you're not a zoo animal. Excuse me? Am I standing in the zoo? Then I'm a zoo animal. Don't get mad at us because no kid says, "Mommy, I want to see a crow." Okay, that's the captivity talking. Enough! You've all made your point. We'll help Griffin. But no one breaks the code. -Understood? -No breaking the code. -(animals murmuring) Okay, we're helping a human. This is big. Come on, Barry, you started your diet today. - He's not even chewing. - Hey, man, take a breath. What? I'm stress-eating! Stop looking at me! Sorry about that, by the way. You're gonna enjoy this a lot more. You know, I don't know what I made. I drilled it, and I put a little ball in there. Get that baby spinning, have it land in a circle. What? Winner, winner, chicken dinner. I, uh, think you'll like it. There. There you go. Not sure. Kind of like a disco ball though. Look at that. Whoa, party at Bernie's. It's fun. It's gonna be good. It's gonna be good. It sucks being alone here, buddy. I know. All right. Okay. See you tomorrow, Bern. (door clanking open, then shut) I don't know, she just intimidates me, you know. But you know me, I don't, I don't like to talk about it. STEPHANIE: Hey, Griffin. Hey, Grif! Hey! We were gonna go see the rhinos, and we were wondering if you could show us the way. Uh... you know what, I-I can't right now. I'm feeding the giraffe. She's eating carrots. Okay. Here they come. (chittering) See the thumb? Yeah, yeah, I see it. All right, time to make Griffin look like a hero. (muttering quietly) Anybody looking? Eh, no. (muttering quietly) (lion roaring) (women screaming) (roaring) Joe! Joe! Over here! Please! This way! Hey, get them out of there. I'll distract him. Got it. Joe! (screaming) (screaming) (grunts) Ah, crap. Get in! (women whimpering) Oh, God! (Griffin groaning) (panting) Joe... Joe... Joe... -(sighs): Oy. -Joe. (grunts) Joe. Joe. J-Joe. (panting) Joe. Joe. Joe. What the hell is wrong with you?! Huh? Oh, I mean... (roars) (screams) Wait a sec! (screaming) Griffin, I know this is weird! Griffin! Lion secure! Going home! Haven't you learned anything from years of being under my tutelage? (dog barking) (sobbing) No. No...! (growling softly) (people chattering quietly) (elephant trumpets in distance) He, uh, didn't, he didn't say anything, did he? What's going on? # Down by the river... # (chattering quietly) (mouthing) Hey, good night, Griffin. Good night, Manny. You heading home? If by "home" you mean Uncle Bosoms, I'll be there, in the back. Purple couch. Okay. All right. I know, Barry, you had your dinner, but this is just a little reward for what I like to call a winning attitude. You care to comment on that? Yeah, I didn't think so. Okay. Have a good one. You want to talk?! Let's talk! (screaming) (sighs) BARRY: You remember nothing. You remember nothing. You remember nothing. I totally think this is working. (screaming) (screaming, trumpeting) Relax. Calm down, calm down. -Breathe, breathe. -Take it easy! Take it easy! He's freaking out! Look at him! Look at him! We're sitting in a circle staring at him. What do you think I'm looking at? You can talk. Yeah, we can talk! I can sing pretty good. And I can teach you how to give yourself a bath with your nose. H-How did you get out of the enclosures? You don't want to know. Actually, I do. Okay, but I don't want to tell you. How long have you been able to talk? Let's see, today's Tuesday, so, um... always. Always? Then why haven't you? Humans can't handle it. Anytime we talk to humans, it always ends badly. DONALD: Except for parrots. Somehow they get away with it. (squawking): I be parrot. (squawks) Happy birthday. Yay. Then why'd you talk to me? Look, you saved my mate, so we tried to help you connect with yours. But you blew it. And I appreciate it, but you know what? I had a really bad experience with her, and I just don't like to talk about it. "Don't like to talk about it." (laughter) That's crazy! (laughs) We've been hearing about that breakup on the beach every day for the last five years. Okay, look, I might have mentioned it before I knew you could understand me! Come on, man, we heard her talking. She wants you. So what if you don't have my great complexion or my thick, wavy hair? I would tell you this, you have nice calves. Great calves. Of course, I don't have calves. I basically have columns with toenails. So, you think I should, I don't know, just maybe ask her out? -(laughter) -Okay. All right, now, slow it down, hotshot! Son, you ask Stephanie out, it's just gonna end the same way. You haven't changed. You don't know how to trust your instincts. You listen to us, and we turn you into an alpha male. I don't know. Personally, I don't think he's got the size to be an alpha male. Size has nothing to do with it. I think we both know who the alpha male is between us. You see? Right there, you're giving me attitude! And that's why I do stuff to your water bowl. -To my-- That was you? -Yeah. You said it was vitamin drops! -Surprise. -Oh, that's it! -Bring it! -Oh, it's been brought! -Come on! Come on! -(growling) Oh, boy, here we go again. It's like watching a fight between two beanbag chairs. -I'm tired. I'm back in! -Me, too. Me, too! LIONESS: You're a good man, Griffin. You just need a little help. Yeah, yeah. And who better than us to help you? -Come on, you honey pot! -Bring it, big boy! What have I got to lose? (grunting) Okay, that's not instilling confidence. Sorry. - Two more licks. - (grunts) ...and... (grunts) - Ow, ow, ow! - (shouting) - (bears shouting) Hey. Thought we'd mix things up a little today. Got some organic jambalaya. (growls softly) (sniffing) You know, if you ever, uh... you want anything, I... You could always ask me. Hey, how's the, uh... How's that ball working out for you, huh? Lot of f-fun... Any-Any disco... parties? All right. Just leave it by the door. BOY: Come on! Move! Come on, stupid bears! Do something! What is he doing? Hey! D-Don't do that! No, no, no. Hey! (grunts) (gasps) Can we get that? (tires screech) Okay. Now, no sudden movements. I want to-- get to your feet. Okay, we're gonna slowly walk to the door. (roaring) Come on. They're not gonna hurt you. Good. Okay, we're fine. Here. Here we go. Oh, he backed you down. I didn't see you do anything. Hey, thanks, guys. I really appreciate you showing some restraint there. Look, any other day, that kid would have been lunch. But you showed confidence. And that's what you're not doing with the girl. See, when I take down a female... (chuckles): Whoa. "Take down a female"? You? You don't know me my whole life. I did three years in Vancouver, for your information. So, you're saying you got a chick in Canada? Yeah. I was dating a Kodiak model. A Kodiak model?! Yeah, she's technically a model. She was on a tobacco can. And she was born with an extra claw, and let me tell you, she knew how to use it. Canadian bears are wild! -Very wild. -She's wild in your dreams. You don't know squat, Jerome! Were you there?! Huh?! I didn't think so! And what's with the "Jerome"? Anyway... you need to unlock your inner bear. And the only way that's gonna happen is to do exactly as we say. And that's how you get your girl. We get it! All right, let's start with your walk. Come on, my walk is fine. Fine? It's a hot stinking pile. This time he's got a point. Now, come on, show us your stuff. Yep. Um, my-- This is stupid. My walk... Wipe that goofy look off your face. You're a predator; act like it! BEAR 1: Get those paws up! That's what we do. BEAR 2: W-What was that? W-W... No, no, no. This guy's un-trainable. I really think we're wasting our time here. Give me one more shot. Come on, get your paw up! Yeah, up! Come on, reach! This is ridiculous. We know what we're doing! Trust it! Get your paws up! There you go! That's what we're talking about! Let's see some movement! BEAR 1: Swing your paws like you're swatting salmon. -Good! -I don't know, man. Now give us a snort. Big ol' bear snort. (snorting) Not with your nose, with your mouth. Get your lips into it. BEAR 2: There you go! BEAR 1: Yeah! Now, lead with your pudding cup. My "pudding cup"? Yeah, your pudding cup, man. Get it out front. Remove the mystery. Yes, that's good like that. What-What-- How would this ever help me? Yeah, show them the goods. Ah, this just feels weird. That's it. Looks good. Come on. Add a roar. (roars weakly) The roar! (roaring) Put some oomph into it! (roars) -Yeah, th-that's fine. -Bend those knees! -Get low! -Yeah! -Shake that moneymaker! -Swing those arms! -Swing them! -Here's a predator! Dig a hole! Dig a big ol' bear hole! -Yeah, dig it! -Get dirty! -Okay, stop digging. -No, no, keep digging! Yeah, keep digging. What are you, too good to dig? That's it! Yeah, through the wickets! -Well, that's good. -Kick up those woodchips! Look at him, he's a natural. Scratch your back! Scratch it on the tree! Yeah! -He's a bear, baby! -You're the bear! You're a big bear. (roaring) (laughing) (whispers): Shh. Stop it. Shh. (roars) Hey, kids. (grunts) (kids murmuring) We'll look at the giraffe now. (grunts) I appreciate the grub. No problem. I popped it myself, so enjoy. I would have left it in a little longer, 'cause I like mine burnt a little bit, but I wasn't sure how you weighed in on that. This is fine. (door clanks) Hey, Shane. I was supposed to tell you there's a staff meeting tomorrow morning at 10:00. Okay, cool. Thanks. Who were you talking to? No, uh, oh, you know what it is? I'm, uh, I'm in a one-act play, and I was rehearsing. I know both parts, 'cause I'm, uh, understudying the other guy and something. Huh. What's the play about? Steamships. Well, I wouldn't do it around him. That's when they get you, you see? When you're not focused. I didn't do it, you know. Sorry? I didn't attack him. Well, yeah, he-he says you did, though. He's a liar, okay? He never treats us with any respect. To get us to move, he prods us with a long stick with a nail in the end of it. One day, I guess I wasn't walking fast as he wanted me to, so he swung the stick at me. But I caught it, and he slipped and fell. He told everyone I attacked him. I never knew any of that. And my only mistake was assuming he would tell the truth. I guess that's what humans do. They lie. Not all humans, Bernie. Look, now, maybe you got a raw deal, but sometimes we need to put the past behind us and look towards the future, you know? (groans) I guess sometimes we all get stuck living in the past. Yeah. Uh, look, is there anything else I can do for you? Can you get me my view back? You know, it's not my call. I miss it, you know. Seeing the world. I used to be able to climb high enough that I could just catch a glimpse of a few buildings. Now all I see is cement. I wish I could help you, Bernie, but, I mean, that enclosure's gone. It's a... It's where the snack bar is now. All right. Do you mind if I ask you a question? Anything. Is T.G.I. Friday's as incredible as it looks? It's pretty good. WOLF: All right, your girl's gonna be at the party tonight. Here's how we get her. First, answer me this: what do you think attracts a female to a male? Looks, success... (makes buzzer sound) I'm gonna stop you right there. It's pee-pee. Sorry? Pee-pee. Smell. Scent. Chemistry. Pheromones. Bong-bada-bong! Which is why you have to learn to protect your territory. Turn everything into a home game. There's got to be another way. There's not. Now, don't be stingy with the magic. Watch and learn. Notice the full extension of my lift leg. The proud, soaring arc of my stream. -Yeah. -You see how I raise the bar from the last pee mark. And voila. You're up, sunshine. You know, I really don't feel like, uh, doing this. The zoo is closed. You're fine. All right. Not there! That's my spot. Hey, don't give me attitude. This will help you at the rehearsal dinner tonight. (sighs): Right here, fine. All right, unzip and make it rain. Okay. You-You got to look away. (sighs) Such a delicate flower. (urine splashing, trickling) - (people chattering quietly) - Shut it down! Shut it down! Kate's coming! What? I can't! Snap it! Be a man! Snap it! (grunts) Oh, hey, Griffin, Rebecca and I are going... -Hey. -Whoa! Hey. It's gonna be very hard to un-see that. I'm sorry about that. Uh, y-you know what happened, the wolf got stung by one of Venom's scorpions, and I was taking him to the infirmary, and then he started, uh, limping. Bad. (whimpers) KATE: Oh, and the urine will neutralize the poison. Exactly, exactly. Yes, yes. And, uh, th-that's why I did it. I was just peeing on him... for his health. Okay. Well, um, when you finish, I'll give him an antihistamine just to be safe. Sounds good. All right, go ahead. Hmm? Go ahead. Soak it. (chuckles) Make sure you get the whole area. (mouthing) (growling) (mouthing) Lather, rinse, repeat. (mellow jazz playing, people conversing quietly) (urine splattering) MAN: Excuse me, sir. Um, you do know that we have a fully functioning restroom not 20 feet from here. Look at that. You do. Good, that sounds good. Yeah, that's nice. Very cool. -Have a good evening. -You, too. Hey, how's it going? Good. I've set up my territory. Now I'm about to show Stephanie my pudding cup. What? Mm-hmm. Yeah, right? Pretty great party, huh? Yeah, Dave goes all out. -He really does. -Mm-hmm. Listen, Stephanie, I was thinking, weddings can be weird -if you're alone and you... -Oh, God. Oh. Oh. Oh. N-N-No, d-d-don't. No, it's not you. It's-It's... It's my ex. I broke up with him, but he showed up here anyway. Sweetness! Funny story. So, I go to the fridge the other day to replenish the old electrolytes after some cross-training, and there, taped to the door, right next to the picture of -that kayak I'm getting, -Mm-hmm. was the invitation to this wedding that you wanted me to go to. So, here I be. Um... No, no, no. Gale, this is, um, an old friend of mine. Griffin. Actually, my ex-boyfriend Griffin. Griffin, this is my ex-boyfriend Gale. 'Sup? Everything. So, listen, I know we had some stuff, but I'm making changes. Okay? I sat down with my life coach and I cleared out everything, except for you. So, suddenly I'm more important than learning the banjo? Griffin, you wanted to ask me something. Remember? No, it's good. It's very nice meeting you. That's what people tell me. What was I supposed to do? Her ex-boyfriend showed up. There's nothing you could do. Fleeing was the right call. In fact, fleeing is the new fighting. Well, I know we flee, but humans are supposed to be at the top of the food chain, so I think we should just ask Joe. Joe? Why are you so concerned with what the stupid lion would do? Do you realize that if monkeys' canine teeth were a little bigger, we'd hold the title "King of the Jungle"? Let me ask you something. Can the King of the Jungle do this? (grunts, chitters) Uh... he's behind me. I saw him mid-flip. (low growling) Cut her from the herd. "Cut her from the herd." That's a good call, Joe. As long as this other guy's in the picture, you ain't got a chance. Next time you see her, get her alone. That's how you'll get your girl. GIRAFFE: # That's how you gonna get your girl, ah # That's how you gonna get your girl, yeah, yeah # That's how you get a girl, that's How you get a, get a girl. # (crickets chirping) Just focus on the lyrics. You know what? It's worth a shot. -I'll try it tomorrow. -DONALD: I basically had the same advice Joe did, but, uh, he kind of stole my thunder. -GRIFFIN: Coming, Barry? -Okay, you're not listening. I got to be honest, guys, my legs fell asleep when we sat down. I think I'm here overnight. (indistinct chatter) Hey! Hey, look, my bus was late; I-I need a bike. Sorry, but that big wedding party just cleaned me out. Yeah, that's my group. Please, you got to have something. (Boston's "Smokin'" playing) # We're gonna play you a song # A little bit of rock and roll # You gotta let yourself go... -GALE: Uh-huh, that's right. -(Stephanie laughs) Cut her from the herd. How weak! GRIFFIN: Hey, Stephanie! Whoa! That's how you're playing it, huh? GALE: Stay away from her! She's mine! Share the road. Share the road! I'm not good at sharing! (tires screeching, horns honking) # Smokin' # We're cookin' tonight - # Just keep on tokin' -(honking) This is not right! # Smokin', I feel all right Stop it. This is very dangerous out here. -(honking) -Oh, my gosh. MAN: Get off the road! # Everybody rock and roll # You got nothin' to lose # Just the rhythm and blues, that's all # Yeah # We're gonna feel okay # We'll pick you up and take you away # Get down tonight (engine starts) # Smokin' # Smokin', we're cookin' tonight. Just keep on tokin' # Smokin' (grunts) Move it! Coming through! (grunting) - Taste the heel! - Hey! Easy! -Taste it! -Stop it! I will not get the deposit back for this if you do that! Aah! Oh, sweet nanny, that is painful! Oh! Geez! Aah! That is fiberglass! Stop it! Aah! Oh! Geez! Aah! (Gale grunts) (angry grunt) # Get down tonight! -GRIFFIN: Hey. -Oh, Grif! (both laughing): -Hey. -Hi. You're like a daredevil. (panting): So, listen... I've been... I've been thinking, I was thinking about... Hold on a second. (continues panting) Everything turned light blue; I think my body's starting to shut down. -Oh, no. Are you okay? (panting): Yeah, yeah, yeah. (exhales) Okay, I'm good. Okay. (laughs) I was thinking about the wedding. I was wondering if maybe you needed someone to go with you, that I would... Oh. Look, Griffin, I need to tell you something. -Um... -Yeah? I'm gonna go to the wedding... with Gale. You know, he was supposed to come with me before we broke up, when we had this long talk, and... I'm really confused right now. I... I hope you understand. (panting) And I hope you understand that that is fantastic. -It's better this way. -Really? Yes, yeah. Yes... Yeah... -Okay. -All right. All right. Bye. -(brakes squeak) -Get ready to experience the hail of Gale... Cherokee style. Phht! (imitates twanging bowstring) (bike rattling, creaking) You said to cut her from the herd-- I did! You see, this is what happens. I should've never listened to you guys! We didn't tell you to back down. -Hell... -Now, you better stick to your cosy life, 'cause, take it from me, you would never make it in the wild. Wh-Wh-What... what did you just say? I'm saying in the wild, I would never let a rival dictate the outcome of a situation! "In the wild"? You were born in captivity, Joe. In this very zoo! I bottle-fed you! "In the wild"! You've never been in the wild a day in your life! I could walk 25 yards and buy a balloon on a stick! Wild! You're missing the point. Whether you're taking out a rival or taking down prey, it's not just about the attack, it's about everything leading up to it! Okay, if I'm not mistaken, the females in the pride, they do the hunting? We do. Thank you. And the fighting. Mmm... Okay, you know what? Are you giving the advice? 'Cause if you are, I don't need to be here. Yeah, you heard me. I will walk. Relax, Joe. The best way for a male to attract a female is to be seen with another female. If he's going to the wedding, he needs a date. That's it. Good night. Find a date, sweetie. (quietly): I'll do that. So, basically, you're using me. Not basically. I am. This is very junior high, you do realize that? It is; I admit it. I am not proud. I don't think you should have to go through all this to get her back, Griffin. No, I do. I definitely do. -I don't know. -Yeah. Look, you always say you can't remember the last time you went on a date. This isn't a real date. If I'm gonna go on a fake date, I was hoping I'd fake-date a doctor, or... somebody French. Please. Look... If you do this for me, I will... give you half my lunch for the next three years. You know what? And this to sweeten it. That's a signing bonus, if you do it. Take it. Look at that. Take it. All right, I'll go. But... I'm calling you Francois DuBois, cardiologist. You can call me Betty, as long as you're going. (lock clanking, gears whirring) Hey, buddy. Got a little something for you. Happy birthday! -(wild, frightened grunting) -I'm sorry! -(wild grunting continues) -I'm sorry! It's out! It's out! I'm sorry! (chuckling) I was just messing with you. (relieved sigh) Oh, my God. Don't-don't do that to me. It's a gelatin cake. Kate made it for you. She's a good lady. Oh, my heart's racing, man. (grunting) (continues grunting) Was that on a plate? No, you're good. Thank Kate for me. That's it? You're... you're all birthday'd out? I'm sure you got things to do. Actually... we do. How are we gonna pull this off? I don't exactly blend in. It's simple. Once we get out, we just tell people we're going to a costume party. No one's gonna believe that. Maybe not at first, but when you put on this shirt and talk... they will. Griffin... I'd hug you, but it's 50-50 I'd crush your spine. You know what? Fist bump works. Aah! My wrist! Man, I'm sorry! Payback, baby. Ha! Come on. -Come on, let's go. -Aw... Let's go! (clicking tongue) Can I drive? No, you cannot. Please? Sorry, Bern, not happening. (grumbles) (engine starts) ("Apple Bottom Jeans" playing) # Shawty had them Apple Bottom jeans # Boots with the fur, with the fur # The whole club was lookin' at her # She hit the floor # Next thing you know # Shawty got low, low, low # Low, low, low, low, low # Them baggy sweat pants (quietly): I'm so alive. # She turned around and gave that big booty a smack # She hit the floor # Next thing you know # Shawty got low, low, low # Low, low, low, low, low # Did I think I seen Shawty get low? # Ain't the same when it's up that close # Make it rain, I'm makin' it snow # Work the pole, I got the bankroll - (rhythmic banging) - (rhythmic grunting) Take it easy, man. No problem. All right, here it comes-- you ready? - # Apple Bottom Jeans - # Jeans # Boots with the fur # Fur # Whole club was looking at her # She hit the floor # She hit the floor BOTH: # Shawty got low, low, low, low Low, low, low, low... (song fading out) Shut... up. Hi, y'all. Welcome to Friday's. Can I interest you in... Uh, yeah, we were just, uh, at a costume party. Uh, zookeeper. Gorilla. Preppy gorilla. Right. And then we noticed there was already a gorilla there, so we're, like... you know what, let's put wings on this loser train and get our... (falsetto): # Friday's on. # (laughs, clears throat) You look so freakin' real! GRIFFIN: He does, yeah. Can I try on your head? GRIFFIN: Uh, yeah, no, you know, uh... it's all hooked on with wires and whatnot. And stink! This thing hasn't been washed in years. I-I think the last guy who wore it might have thrown up. -Ugh! -Yeah. -Can I get your order? -Yeah. I'm just gonna go with the baby backs and some fries. And for you? 30 oranges. # You're unbelievable. # Oh! -(Griffin laughing) No, Bernie, that's ice. Buddy, that's cold. Should've warned you. Oh, my God, that's, yeah, it's called a brain freeze right there. Gonna get worse before it gets better. Ride it. Ride it. It's gonna subside in about ten seconds. Yeah, that's ice, but it's deadly. It's deadly. # Being one is more than I ever know # But this time I realize # I'm gonna shoot through - # And leave you -(grunting) We'd like to send that table of secretaries a basket of zucchini fries. You got it. # You're unbelievable Mmm... (Joe grunting quietly) -(thud) -Eh... # You're unbelievable Whoo-hoo! -Eyes! -(women gasp) (people groaning) (cackling laughter) (laughing) Yeah! Yeah! (whoops) # You're unbelievable. # # Baby, we can talk all night... I'm so glad I met you. (sighs gently) # I told you everything # I possibly can # There's nothing left inside of me... (Joe sighs) Penny for your thoughts. Just hanging out, enjoying your company. (chuckles quietly) So, there's talk you might leave the zoo. I was... just upset. Thought that's what I needed to do to get Stephanie back. No, Bernie, I'm afraid you're stuck with me. I want to thank you. Tonight you gave me more than I could ever ask for. You're very welcome, Bernie. You're a good friend. Hell, you're my best friend. (laughs) # I'm tired of words and I'm too hoarse to shout Um, I just made this weird, didn't I? (chuckles) No, no, not at all. Okay, good. JOE: Can I try on your watch? GRIFFIN: Now it's getting weird. You don't have a girlfriend. You don't need a lot of calls or text. You don't have a girlfriend. You don't need a lot of calls or text. You need data ` for dating sites, like Honey Badger. (LAUGHS) You do have a girlfriend. You need less data and more calls ` lovey-dovey calls. # You make me... # You don't have a girlfriend again. She won't return your calls. You need more text. Things change. Now your Prepay can too. Get more of what you need and less of what you don't with Vodafone My Flex Prepay. (frog croaks) What are you doing out of your enclosures? Someone can see you. DONALD: No, no one's around. We were worried about you. Tell me you're not wearing that to the wedding. Oh, no, no, no. I got an outfit all picked out. All set with the other female? Got it covered. Kate's coming with me. -Oh, good choice. -Thanks. Joe, anything else for Griffin? What would I know? You're the expert on everything. God, your mother ruined you. She did not! Your mother ruined you! BARRY: Has anyone got a game plan for the ex-boyfriend? Ooh, we forgot about him. Look, I couldn't help overhearing. You want to intimidate a rival, you got to do this. (croaks) And if that doesn't work, assume attack position. GRIFFIN: Okay, if I was in a pond, that would be my go-to move. -I respect that. -Maybe you better take me with you. -Bernardo! -Oh, my God, -That's great! Look at him! -it's Bernie! -Wow! -Bernie! You made it! All right, all right, let's not make a big deal out of this. Here's what I'm thinking. Take me along, you know, just in case you need some backup. Bern, I got to do this on my own. I'll sit at another table. You won't even know I'm there. I've got unbelievable mingling skills. (chuckles) Bernie, you're a gorilla. Wow. I can't believe you just went there. Oh. All right, fine. But if you get in a jam, call us. Will-will do, all right? We're gonna need your cell phone. What? Hand it over. All right. Here you go. Thanks. Thanks, guys. All right, everybody back to your enclosures before the zoo opens. Uh, where'd you get the watch? Don't you worry about it. Venom! I got you. I got you covered. You sure this is going to help with the ladies? Hey, Venom, I need to ask you a fav... Franky. Venom, look, I-I... I need to borrow your car. Absolutely. Going to need your keys. Oh, yeah. They're in my pocket. Oh. I had a little dust-up with the copperhead. Yeah, I won't be able to move the arm for another six hours. Go get yourself some keys, brother. Okay. Other pocket. (keys jangling) Thanks. (engine rumbling, tires squealing) ("Kickstart My Heart" by Motley Crue plays) # When I get high, I get high on speed # Top fuel funny car's a drug for me # My heart, my heart # Kickstart my heart... # -Are you kidding me? -What? You look amazing. Thank you. No. No, you overdid it. Don't you see? You-you... you look too good for me. People are going to know it's a setup. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What did you want me to do, come in my work clothes? No. No, no. We don't have time now. Thank you. (tires squealing) # Dance (indistinct chatter and laughter) # Boogie wonderland # Dance... She didn't notice us at the church, and now she's gone. She's just gone. GALE: So we tussle a little bit... There she is. There she is. Then the sea lion lets me go. -30 seconds later, I resurface. -(laughter) Man, he's killing over there. It's not happening. So what's the game plan here? 'Cause this whole clinically depressed energy is not getting the job done. I can't compete with him, all right? -GALE: I don't care! -I'm done. And to this day, you can't say my name around Jose Canseco. (laughter) I know. (sighs) Give me your hand. What? Come on. GALE: ...the Connecticut state record for push-ups? (laughs) KATE: She's looking. (Kate laughing) You positive she saw us? -Yes. -(Griffin clears throat) She just looked over here. Laugh. -What? -Laugh like we're really having fun. (chuckling) (laughing loudly) Okay, take it down. (coughing) -I'm going to throw up. -No, no, it's okay. -I got to throw up. -It's okay. Just keep... Don't-don't... -(Griffin coughing) -Okay. Turn... turn away. Turn away. Oh, God. I just sucked in a fuzz. I sucked in a fuzz. -You okay? -No, I sucked in a fuzz. -Are you okay? Okay, everybody. I know tonight isn't about me, but my beautiful girlfriend Stephanie and I recently won a ballroom dancing competition. I hardly had any lessons, but I'm wicked athletic, and like I said, we won. Now, tonight, in honour of the bride and groom, we'd like to perform our winning dance. -(feedback screeches) -Get up. ("You're the First, the Last, My Everything" by Barry White) Oh, my gosh. This is our song. This is my song with Stephanie. -No, it couldn't be. # We got it together, didn't we? -Are you sure? -Yes. # We definitely got our thing together, don't we, baby? Whoa. Okay. Okay, this is definitely the song, then? Maybe it's a coincidence. It's a very popular song. Maybe it means that she really is thinking -about you... - # Nobody but you I'll wait. - # And me -(crowd oohs) # We got it together, baby I don't believe this. This is a clear statement. It's premeditated. Very definitive. She knew exactly what she was doing the whole time. This is definitely on purpose! -We are on. -No. Okay, okay. # My first, my last # My everything Can you do any of that? - # And the answer to -No. # All my dreams GRIFFIN: No, you're... you're going to do it. Come on. We're going to do it. We're going to do it. Oh, man, they're good. He's lifting her. How did... Wait. They practiced. I have a dress on. I have a dress on. - # My kind of wonderful -(crowd exclaiming) # That's what you are Wait. I-I can do this one. Come, grab me. Okay. You got me? - Okay, you know what? - You got me? - I have you. No one's looking. Get off my back. # There's no way (crowd applauds) All right, freestyle. Us, too, over here. (crowd exclaiming) # You're the first, you're the last... (cheering and applause) He did a push-up. He did a push-up. -Whoo! -Wow. (music fades out) MAN: Oh, that was really great. WOMAN: They're, like, the perfect couple. (sighs) Hold on a sec. ("Easy" by Commodores plays) This is our song. Come on. Did you know... that the female eagle... is attracted to the male... that can fly the highest? # Know it sounds funny, but I just can't stand the pain Soar with me. # Girl, I'm leaving you tomorrow # Seems to me, girl, you know I've done all I can # You see, I begged, stole and I borrowed - Yeah -(Kate giggling) - Ooh -(Griffin chuckles) # That's why I'm easy # Ah, ah, ah, ah # I'm easy like Sunday morning Oh, my gosh. # Ah, ah, ah, ah # That's why I'm easy - # Ah, ah, ah, ah -GRIFFIN: Yeah. Yeah! # I'm easy like Sunday morning # Why in the world would anybody put chains on me? # Yeah # I've paid my dues to make it # Everybody wants me to be what they want me to be # I'm not happy when I try to fake it # No You know what? I'm going to go get some air. -Okay. Thanks. - # Ooh, that's why I'm easy Madame, please, don't touch that. -Sorry. # Ah, ah, ah, ah -Be right back. -Okay. -All right. -(grunting) - # Yeah (grunting) # That's why I'm easy Monsieur. Monsieur! Come back here! Get down! -This is prohibited! Aah! -(thuds on floor) (laughing) # I wanna be high # So high What is he doing? # I wanna be free to know the things I do are right # I wanna be free -Griffin! -(grunts) -Hi. (screams) - # Just me... # (Griffin screaming) (crowd gasping and groaning) WOMAN: Robin, are you all right? Again, I'm so sorry, and I'm going to reimburse you -for everything. -Don't even sweat it, all right? The ice sculpture was her mother's idea. -How's Robin's leg? -Oh, she's fine. It was more of a pull than a tear. Yeah, I hit her so flush. No, I think she just went with the fall. Yeah, the legs were... -Agile. -Yeah, she's bendy. Don't worry about it, all right? Relax. It's all good. All right. Thanks, bro. Listen... I don't know what you're trying to prove with all your silk ribbons and your fancy moves, but... what do you say you just back the hell off? (clears throat) And what do you say we drop the fancy moves and we settle this like men? Um, okay. -Hmm? -Come on. Let's go. I haven't beaten anybody senseless since my birthday. Well... well, I... (stammers) What's up? We going to do this? What are you doing? What are you doing? It's attack position. Man, it's got to suck to be you. Attack. (phone ringing) Griffin's phone. Go for Bernie. I split my pants. I'm putting you on speaker. So how's it going? GRIFFIN: Okay, what part of "split my pants" don't you get? My butt is hanging out. I took out an ice sculpture. Gale got in my face. It's a mess! Griffin, if you want to give up, I get you. -He's not giving up. -Okay. Don't back down from that guy. You get in his face, make him back down! As far as the girl goes, you keep her off balance. You insult her. That's right. You make her feel bad. Then you compliment her. You knock her down, you bring her up, and when she seems interested, walk away. Throw poop at her! That's how I met Karen. You can do this! (all talk together) DONALD: Throw the poop! I'm doing this. (grunts) What's up, puppy breath? What? Just saying, looking good, freckle chest. Yeah. Man, I am hungry. Ooh, target sighted. (mimics mechanical whirring) Griffin, what's going on? (clears throat) Four words. I need dessert. Go. God, you're beautiful. -I am? -Yeah. But you're still here. Oh! -Dessert. Go. Okay. -Yeah. I'm going. Thanks, boss. ("Shake Your Booty" by KC & the Sunshine Band plays) Whoa, guy. Back for more? Does she talk about me? Sorry? Does she mention me? Does the thought of what Steph and I had haunt you? You know, keep you up at night. You mean the way you flamed down? You mean, do we laugh every time we see a couple riding a horse on a beach? Oh, yeah. Not-not... not that, specifically. Every time we see an engagement ring, a whiskey bottle with a note in it, -a mariachi band, -Your voice is loud. -horse stables or sand, -I don't know what you're... we laugh until we can't breathe. And then we make out. Hard. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Your name's Gale. -What? -You have a woman's name. No. No, Gale, like Gale Sayers, the football player. You wish. Perfume and teddy bears. Daddy must have wanted a little girl, so he named you Gale. -Watch it. -Oh, sorry. Gale, Gale, you're a female. Hey, man, you better back off. You want me to back off, Crystal Gayle? # Shake, shake, shake, shake your booty -You got problems, man. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (chuckles) Hey. Not in the mood, hammer thumbs. Griffin... gone. # Shake your booty (sighs) # Shake, shake -We're leaving. -Okay. # Shake, shake... So tell me everything. What the heck was with the robot moves? I don't know. I panicked! I-I-I also ripped my pants and cried a little. It's all a blur. That was so fun! Can we please do this every weekend? Just show up at weddings and trash the place? -'Cause we are good. -You know what? Forget good. We're great. And you know what? We're bigger than weddings. Let me tell you that right now. We should rob banks! I'm in! I'm in! If you were to say, "Let's knock off a gas station," I'd do it. I'd do it right now. Give me your hand. Feel this. Feel this. You got to feel my heartbeat. It's like a rabbit. (laughing): All right. Actually, that's not good. Yeah, no, I got to... I got to get that checked. -Yeah. -And, Kate, you were incredible. Thank you. I'm really glad that you asked me to come out tonight. Francois. (chuckling) I heard what happened. I'm so sorry. Gale can be such an idiot. (gasps) Hey, I know you. You're that little zoo girl, right? Uh, Kate. Yeah. Okay. Thank you so much for saving us from that lion. Oh, my God, I almost passed out. I was so scared! Um... Grif, do you think maybe we could go somewhere and talk? Uh, can we just have a sec? Sure. It worked. Can you believe it? -Yeah. -I mean... That's... that's amazing. That's what we came here for, right? I-I... It is. I... You need to do this. -Yeah? -Yes. -Yes. -You helped so much. Thank you! KATE: No, I'm just going to take a taxi, or I'm sure they have a shuttle or something. Go. -(stammering): Are you sure? -Go! I can't believe it. Thank you. Hey! Stephanie. -Hey. -Hi. Yay! MAN: Okay, let's review your order. That'll be 64 meat lover's pizzas, 32 Caesar salads. And could I interest you in our new fudge roll? -Yes. -All right. Let's see. That's a total of $1,636.74. Will that be cash or credit? Hang it up. Hang it up. So close. -I am so happy right now. Do you know that? -Do you ever feel like that? All the time, like, -Oh, yeah. -are you happy right now? 'Cause right now, I'm so happy, and it's just, like, all of a sudden, it just hits you-- like, bam, I'm happy now. Oh, gosh. You know what? I have a fashion show tomorrow, and I want you to come. To-Tomorrow, I'm supposed to, uh, work. (sighs) Sad face. -How about instead... -What? You come to the zoo. I give you a private tour. That's a terrible idea. (sighs) I really thought you were different. But the same old zoo stuff. You know what? Let someone else zoo-keep tomorrow. -Really? -Yeah. I don't remember this Griffin. Yeah, well, you get used to it, because now it's all about you. Okay. You know what else? -You got a bat in the cave. -What? Oh, my God. -Yeah. She got a booger! -Oh, no. (stammers) It's gross. No, other side-- other nostril. -Other...? -Take care of that. -I'm going to the bathroom. -You better. -Um, don't go anywhere. -No. -I'm not going anywhere. -Stay right there. -Throw out the napkin. -I-I was... I'm so sorry! Dead empty when you get back, woman. -Okay. -All right! (people chattering, cameras clicking, techno music playing) # In a car crash # I hurt myself Jurgen! Jurgen! Stephanie! -Hi! -Kiss, kiss. This is Jurgen Milraux. Who is this chaotic pile of man? He's ruining the vibes here. He is a waste of space. I-I'm sorry, what? You scream, "Help me. I'm worthless and funny-looking." (laughter) Can I, uh, can I ask you a question? Yes. Hey, Siegfried, where's Roy? -What? -(laughs) How's the chocolate factory, Willy Wonka? -(laughter) -I'm sorry, but you walked right into that one, grandma hair. -(laughter) -Grandma hair? # He got the grandma hair, he got the grandma hair. # -(laughter) -I don't understand one word. Here's what you have to understand: your face is a poem. I feel... ...pleasure. (laughter) Whoa! Let's put the donkey back in the barn! (laughter) Gonna mingle. (laughter continues) (humming) You were awesome in there! Oh, my God, my friends love you! You were so great. I got to say, you are really getting there. Hmm? Look... I hope you don't mind, but I talked to your brother, and you have a job at the dealership, if you want it. Is that pushy? You know what, fine, I'm pushy. It's just, I think that that zoo is really holding you back. You deserve better. We deserve better. "We"? (engine revving) (engine rumbling, tires screeching) Good call, Glenn. An animal like you on this bad boy? Top of the food chain. Follow. Shana, you want to grab us an espresso and a Monte Blanc? We're having a signing party. Yes, sir. Enjoy the hunt. Huh? (chuckles, makes playful gunfire noises) (screaming playfully) Dancing! (laughter) -Back off, Nimer! -You back off! (roaring) Oh! Not cool. Yeah. 'Sup? Welcome to the dream. Help! I don't like this thing! Make it stop! Make it stop! (clears throat) (grunting quietly) (horn honks) That looks difficult. You know what's not difficult? Giving a supermodel the bad news that "I can't date you because I'm already dating a supermodel!" (laughs, revs engine) (chuckles) Whoa! (grunting, revving engine) Wow. I got to say, this is incredible. Where have you been? That's what I wanted to talk to you about. (gasps) It's time! -(bird chirping) -Oh, my God, he's calling to her. He's letting her know that he's here. Watch this. Look, look, look, look. (sighs) Aren't they amazing? Yeah, no, they're great. They're fast and sincere. (sighs) Did you know they mate for life? I do now. Listen, Kate, I wanted you to be the first to know that I took a job working for my brother at his dealership. Shut up. I'm serious. I figured I'd-I'd done everything I set out to do in the zoo game and it was... "The zoo game"? What the hell are you talking about, Griffin? You love working here. You're great at it. The animals love you. Yeah, but maybe that's not enough. Maybe it's time I just start thinking about myself. Okay, is this coming from you or Stephanie? No, it's my decis-- I mean, yeah, she thinks it's a good idea, but I do, too. Wow. Not buying it. You can't see what's happening here? Yeah, I am changing me. No, she's changing you, into something that you're not. Well, maybe what I was before wasn't what I was. And it is now, maybe, that it is, if it is, the way it is. You're not even making any sense. It makes enough sense that you get it. Yeah. Okay, look... if you want to quit, I'm not gonna stand in your way. But I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that this is actually what you really want. It is. There you have it. (door opens) (door closes) Hey, Bern. Got your favourite. Listen, I, uh, just wanted to... Save it. I already heard. You know, you almost had me convinced things could be different, that I could actually trust someone again. You-You-You, You can. (cell phone buzzing) I-I got to take this. One sec. Yo. Go for Grif. No, Mohegan blue. Mm-hmm. Chrome wheel package, buddy. Papers are all ready for you; Make it happen. Slam it! (chuckles) All right, got to go. Oh, sorry, Bern. All people lie, and I was an idiot to believe you. Hey, Shane. Gonna let you in on a little something. Ten years ago, you and Bernie had an incident. I know what you did. Also know you lied about it. So? So, if you ever do anything like that again, I will go to your house and I will beat you in front of your mother. Yeah, I'm telling you, Vern, this baby does zero to 60 in under four seconds. Yeah. I-I don't know. I-I got grandkids. That's even better. You stick them back here. You tell them it's a secret cave. (sobbing): I can't take it! I miss Griffin! I know you can't see it, but my lip won't stop quivering. Well, he wouldn't be gone if you'd listened to me. You're the one who talked to him first. Yeah, he's right, you know. (sobbing): I can't take it! Come on, Barry, you're killing us with the crying. What are you talking about? You were sobbing all night. No, I wasn't. I have sleep apnea! Sounded like baby-crying to me. Baby-crying. (sobs mockingly) What'd you say, thumbs? Why don't you come down here and say it to my face?! Please. I leave this tree, I'm slapping you silly. You come down here, and I'll use you as a loofah. How you gonna hold me? You have no thumbs. Oh, yeah? Let's do this. I'll start from my back. Bring it! That's it. I'm quitting my diet. You can't quit something you never started! Well, you know what I think we should do? ALL: Not a zoo animal! Hey, Kate. Hey, Venom. Oh. What are they doing out? Grieving. They miss Griffin. Oh. I know how they feel. Yeah. Look, Venom, I'm sorry, but I'm leaving the zoo tomorrow. -You, too? -Yeah. The eagle enclosure is up and running, so... I'm taking a job in Nairobi. Why? I was gonna pass, 'cause I started having feelings for someone here, but... he's with somebody else, so... You know? I do. What are you doing? Oh, what are you doing? Don't you play possum. -What? -(chuckles): You know? "Started having feelings"? Come on. "Someone here"? (chuckles) I was talking about Griffin. Tragic misread of situation. You don't have a girlfriend. You don't need a lot of calls or text. You don't have a girlfriend. You don't need a lot of calls or text. You need data ` for dating sites, like Honey Badger. (LAUGHS) You do have a girlfriend. You need less data and more calls ` lovey-dovey calls. # You make me... # You don't have a girlfriend again. She won't return your calls. You need more text. Things change. Now your Prepay can too. Get more of what you need and less of what you don't with Vodafone My Flex Prepay. WOMAN (over TV): Feel as though you're breathing through your eyes. Hey, babe. How was your day? -Did you sell a lot of cars? -Three. Uh, but, you know, one guy, I got to tell you, I didn't feel like he really needed it. Yay! Do you love it? Uh, oh, is that a chair? Yes! -It's a Chintoko. -Really? There's only five like it in the entire world. Sit! Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit! Yeah. Yay! I love it. Isn't it comfy, cosy? Yeah. Totally amazing. I just think this whole place looks so great. It's really just... (sighs) It's coming together. I'm so happy. Really gives this whole room, like, a nice "zhuj." You know what I mean? Hey. You know what? I ordered in dinner tonight from Le Chereaux. Oh, you know what else? That just reminds me. We have an absinthe tasting on Mathieu's sailboat. -Yeah. -Do you remember him? Ma-- Yeah, Mathieu. He's disgustingly rich. Yum. Okay, I got to get my yoga. Hey, babe, do you think it's bad feng shui that we have a TV in the living room? I feel like if I do yoga in here, it'll just counterbalance the whole bad juju. You know? Bad juju of the TV. Wait till I show you this new dress I bought. (lock clanking) (exhales, growls) What's wrong? Hoping for someone else? Hungry? SALESMAN: Guys, see that lady over there? I just sold her an extended warranty we don't even have. -(chuckles) -Nice, guy. -Nice. -We've got a high roller checking out the Mercedes McLaren. Knock yourself out, Nimer. Oh. You got a good eye. Griffin Constantine Keyes. Mm. The changes I've seen in you these past few weeks have been nothing short of remarkable. And I've been doing a little soul-searching, and I made a mistake five years ago on that beach. And I want to correct it. So, will you... Yeah, not gonna happen. (people gasp, murmur) What? (chuckles) Come on, you had to see this coming. Look, when we first started dating, you assumed I was gonna turn into the type of guy you always dreamed about. But you know what? I don't like that guy. I-I don't like this job. I don't, bro. I'm sorry. It's not-- Yeah, this I love. But we'll always have this, you know. -I love you, right? Okay, good. -Yeah. I don't like this suit. I don't like our Chintaki chairs. -It's a Chintoko. -Either one. I don't like them. I don't like the fact that I can't understand 90% of the stuff you talk about. But most of all, I hate who I've become. (mariachi band playing "Cielito Lindo") # Ay, ay, ay, ay # Canto y no llores I'll ignore them. # Porque cantando se alegran # Cielito lindo # Shut up! (singing continues) Shut up! He didn't say yes! I'm not gonna pay you! (lock clanking, gears whirring) (sniffing) (door opens, closes) Come back for your watch? No, I came back to see if you were interested in happy hour at Friday's. Look, if you're here just to yank my chain... I'm not. I want to tell you I'm sorry. And I know I let you down. And that you... you're my best friend. (quiet grunt) And, oh, yeah, I, uh, I dumped Stephanie. Nicely done. Yeah. Hey, what happened to your eye? It's good to have you back, Grif. (squawking) Hey, Griffin, you're back! Oh, everyone's gonna be so happy! You know what, right now, I got to go talk to Kate, okay? Griffin, Kate's gone. She's leaving for Africa tonight. What? She's on a 9:15 flight. Oh, man! It's my fault. I blew it. It's my fault. I was the one who told you to be someone you're not. No, you know what, it's my fault. I was so worried you were gonna leave, I wasn't thinking about you. It's not my fault; I said throw poop at her. That always works. Who cares whose fault it is?! There's still time! Let's get Kate! Follow me, everyone! Nothing can stand in our way! (trumpets) Wow, he is really hauling. Oh, he stopped. -He's eating a pretzel. -You know what? Barry's right. I'm going to get her. Wait! It's bumper to bumper from here to the airport! Whoa, almost took off. Oh, my gosh, you're right. It's rush hour. I'll-I'll never make it! I can get you there. Look, I'm the fastest animal in the zoo. Plus, I fit in the bike lane. Hop on! (grunts) (squawks) Hop off! Hop off! (groaning) New plan. Follow me! Griffin, I got your back, baby. Wait. Where you going?! Hey, Griffin, you nut. What are you doing back there? Uh, nothing! Every-Everything's fine! You can't be in that area; it's unauthorized. I know, but a guy inside said it's okay. They'll allow it this time. All right. Listen, I'm having a party Saturday night-- blowout. -Sounds good. I'm there. I love blowouts. Whoo! -Yeah, it's gonna be wild. -Yeah, I'll see you Saturday. -(engine starts) -Where you going? Hey, Griffin. Hey, come on, get out! I can do this. Wait, don't leave, Griffin! -Okay. -Can't you hear what I'm saying? Hey, Griffin, listen to me! (crash, car alarm wailing) (trumpeting) Oh...! Hey! (trumpeting) (tires screech) Hang on a second. Wait, where you going? You can't leave me here. I'm out of the zoo without my Izod! (knocking) Griffin, what a surprise. Hi, Mrs. D. (rock music playing) Hey. Ma! Take a cookie, sweetie. Oh, thanks, Mrs. D. SHANE: Ma! (tires screeching) (people chattering) Come on, the road's blocked! Aw... How about this? I'll go around the back. (tires screech) Come on. What do we do? (screams) Oh, y-you know what? -A heads up would be nice! -Go! I'll meet you there! Kate! Kate! Wait, stop! Kate! (panting): Oh, no. She's gone. It's over. It's not over! (grunts) Get in. Stay in sync! I'm trying! Your arms are twice as long as mine! (squawks) Hurry! We got to cut her off at the bridge or she's gone! Row, Gorilla, row! Come on! Use those big arms, baby! Now we're doing it! Row, row, row, row, row! (car horns honking) GRIFFIN: Bernie. (grunts) I was kind of hoping we'd see some steps. Get on. What? Get on my back! Okay. You know what? I don't think I can do this. I'm afraid of heights. Oh, no. Don't look down! That's not helping. Don't look up! (screams) Bernie! I'm looking down! This is not good! Give me your hand! (grunting) There she is! (screams) (car horns honking) Hurry! She's on the move. What are you stopping for? Just be yourself, Griffin. That's all you need to do. Now, go get your girl. How? (screams) (grunting) Griffin? -Hey. -Oh, my God. -Are you okay? -Yeah. What the hell are you doing? I was cartwheeling. -What? -Oh, yeah. You said, you said eagles-- they mate for life. Yes. Well, when an eagle finds its perfect mate, they cartwheel, right? That's what they do. They lock their talons together and they spin out of control, and just before they hit the ground, they break apart. The only difference between me and an eagle is, I will hit the ground, as you've just seen. You said you were done with the "zoo game." I thought I had to change who I was to be happy, but I was wrong. Kate, it took me five years to get over someone I wasn't even in love with. I can't imagine how long it would take to get over you. And on a side note, I may have crushed an ostrich getting here. I don't want to know. I-I don't want to... (motorists cheering) ("More Than A Feeling" by Boston playing) (people gasp) (groaning) (gasps) (groaning) He's fine. He's... No, no. Yeah, we should probably get him back. We should. # It's more than a feeling # More than a feeling... # And I begin dreaming # More than a feeling # Till I see Marianne walk away # I see my Marianne walking away Wait a sec. What the heck is Benihana? You still got your Izod? (squawking) # It's more than a feeling # More than a feeling # When I hear that old song they used to play # And I begin dreaming # More than a feeling # Till I see Marianne walk away # I see my Marianne walking away Hey... Get it! (laughter) (grunts) I can't get it off. (laughter) I don't know what that was. (grunting) (laughter) Share the road. You all right? (groans) -Are you okay? -Yeah. (grunting) (laughter) # When I'm tired and thinking cold # I hide in my music # Forget the day DONALD: # And dream of a girl I used to know # I closed my eyes # And she slipped away # She slipped away # From me (laughter) What is he doing? That's a crazy stance right there. Oh! (laughs) You don't stay, you-- I mean, you just stay, don't go anywhere! (laughs) # More than a feeling # More than a feeling # When I hear that old song they used to play # I begin dreaming # More than a feeling # Till I see Marianne walk away... # Yeah, baby. Hear that? (elephant snorts) (laughter) Oh, man. Feel like I went through a car wash right there. (laughter)