1 1 1 # This will be # This will be # An everlasting love # This will be # This will be # The one I've waited for # This will be # This will be # The first time anyone has loved me # Loving you # Loving you # Is some kind of wonderful # Cos you've shown me Just how much you care # You've given me The thrill of a lifetime # And made me believe you have more thrills to spare # This will be # You and me # Yours to be, # Eternally, huggin' and squeezin' and kissin' and pleasin' # Together forever through rain and whatever, yeah, yeah, yeah, # You and me, so long as I'm livin' true love I'll be givin' # To you I'll be sendin' cos you're so deservin' # Hey, you're so deservin', You're so deserving # Yeah, yeah, yeah # Love!Love! # Love!Love!Love!Love! # Love, love, from now on # From now on # From now on # From now on # From now on # From now on... # 'OK. Two things that I remember about my childhood.' 'I just don't remember it being this orange.' 'First, I remember being with my daddy.' 'He'd get these far-off looks and say, "Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan." I just wish I'd realised at the time he was talking about my life.' 'But that never stopped us from taking adventures together.' 'He'd pack our sometimes-working car and tell amazing stories about exotic lands as we headed to exciting destinations, like... ..Milwaukee.' 'It's amazing how exotic Wisconsin... isn't.' 'But my favourite memories were his stories about Mom.' 'We'd go to the church where they married, he'd talk of the ceremony and my crazy Uncle Irwin, who fell asleep in the macaroni and cheese.' 'And I asked my dad when he knew he truly loved my mom. And he said to me, "Lucy, your mother gave me a special gift."' '"She game me the world."' 'Actually, it was a globe with a light, but for the romantic he was, it might as well have been the world.' 'The first time I saw him, he didn't give me the world.' 'It was a dollar-fifty train token but I looked forward to it, every day. He'd come to my booth between 8:01 and 8:15, Monday to Friday, and he was just... ..perfect. My Prince Charming.' 'Well, we've, erm, never actually spoken, but one day we will. I know it.' 'I just know it. I know that... someday I'll manage to introduce myself and that's gonna be perfect.' 'Just like my prince.' Gnnn...!$45 for a Christmas tree and they don't deliver?! $10 of chow mein from Mr Wong's, they bring it to your door! Oooh, a blue spruce would've been lighter! (GASPS) (CRASHING GLASS) Lucy! Nature of claim ` Christmas tree through window. They're pissed over the fire after Joe Jr's barbecue under the stairs. I missed that one. I missed that one. Oh, great sausage. I missed that one. Oh, great sausage. OK, I'll pay for this. That's OK, Lucy. My brother Julie is in the glass business. Oh, I almost forgot. Merry Christmas. Ah, Lucy. You didn't have to do that. You didn't have to do that. Well, I wanted to. I haven't even got my shopping... I haven't even got my shopping... Pop!Can I give that bottle of Blue Nun to my probation officer? Can't you see we got some company? Say hello. Hello, Luce. (MAKES CLICKING NOISE) Nice, er,... ..sweater. Thank you. It's over there. Lucy, you're a nice girl. Joe Junior's still single. Yeah. It's a shocker. What'll ya have? What'll ya have? Oh. The usual. What's that? What's that? Mustard. Coke. Lucy! Lucy, Lucy... Hi, Jerry. Glad to find you here. I wish you'd find me in Bermuda. I wish you'd find me in Bermuda. That's good. I am recommending you for employee of the month. The usual. The usual. I didn't know there was an employee of the month. Oh, yeah. Supervisor Wallace nominates Lucy Moderatz for employee of the month. Lucy always works holidays, even if she has worked previous holidays. Lucy worked Thanksgiving but will work Christmas, too? Jerry, I'm not working Christmas. Jerry, I'm not working Christmas. Er, you get a plaque with the mayor's stamp on. I didn't vote. I didn't vote. Go on the Paddy's Day float. I hate parades. I hate parades. Extra holiday pay? I hate parades. Extra holiday pay? I hate you! Lucy... Look, Arlette is sick, Celeste has got some family thing and I promised my kids I'd be with them this year. It stinks, Jerry. It stinks, Jerry. I know. I can't make you do it. But Lucy, you're the only one... Without family. # Merry merry Christmas # Christmas everywhere # Merry merry Christmas # Christmas in the air # Christmas in Chicago, # New York, too, # Way down in New Orleans # And right here with you # Merry merry Christmas # Santa Claus is in town # Jingle bells are ringing Hi. # Mistletoe all around... # Mistletoe all around... Merry Christmas. # Mistletoe all around... Merry Christmas. Uh-huh... Nice coat. Merry Christmas to you, too. You're beautiful. Marry me! I love you... Yo! Yo! Hey, nice coat... I don't want trouble. Whoa! Let's go, go! Somebody help me, please! Sir, sir, sir!Are you OK? Can you get up? God, sir, this is not good. Oh, no... Oh, God, Mister... Are you... breathing? God, you smell good. Please, wake up. Please, please... God! Can you wake up? Can you hear me? Oh, God...! Wake up! Somebody help me, please! Mister!Mister, there's a train coming and it's fast. It's an express. Oh, God... (HORN) Hi. Bring him down here... Bring him down here... I need a doctor here! Hi. A man was just brought in... What's his name? What's his name? I don't know. What's his name? I don't know. I need his name. He's right there... He's right there... Why don't you...? Whoa, you can't go in. No, but listen... Family only. No, you don't understand... No, you don't understand... You... wait there. OK, what've we got? Oh, I was gonna marry him. (BEEPING) C'mon. Come with me. Over here. Let him hear your voice, honey. Hi. Everything's going to be OK. I know it. It'll be fine... It'll be fine... Excuse me, did that woman save his life? Yeah. And it gets even better than that. She's his fiancee. Excuse me, ma'am. I'm sorry, but I need to ask a few questions. Excuse me, ma'am. I'm sorry, but I need to ask a few questions. Erm, may I interrupt? Sure. I'll wait over there. Sure. I'll wait over there. I'm Dr Reuben. Sure. I'll wait over there. I'm Dr Reuben. Hi, I'm Lucy... Where the hell is he?! Oh, he's so pale! What is this? What is this? It's my son. How is he? What is this? It's my son. How is he? You can't come bursting in here! Will he be alright? So what's going on? So what's going on? He's in a coma. So what's going on? He's in a coma. Oh, on Christmas Day! His vital signs are strong, brain waves are good. He'll make it. You a specialist? How did this happen? How did this happen? Erm, he was pushed from the platform at the train station. Who's she? Who's she? She's his fiancee. His fiancee?! His fiancee?! His fiancee? He's engaged? He's engaged? Yeah, I thought... He's engaged? Yeah, I thought... You don't understand... Why didn't he say? Maybe he was busy. Maybe he was busy. Too busy to tell his mother?! Don't yell at him. I'm not! If only Jack were here... Is she OK? Is she OK? Heart trouble. She's had three attacks. Not attacks. Just "episodes". But her hearing's fine. Excuse me. Doctor. What is she doing in here? Excuse me. Doctor. What is she doing in here? Hey, buddy, she saved his life. You saved his life? Yeah. Yeah, but... Yeah. Yeah, but... But he was pushed off a platform? She jumped on the tracks. Jumped on them?! Jumped on them?! Yeah... It's supposed to be family only. It's supposed to be family only. She is family. She's the fiancee, you idiot! OK, look, I'm sorry. You don't understand... We hadn't seen him for a while. I always wanted him to find a nice girl. I'm so glad he found you!(WEEPS) Oh, Peter...! Why did you say that? What? I'm not his fiancee. You said so! I've never even spoken to him. I've never even spoken to him. Downstairs you said you were going to marry him. Jeez, I was talking to myself! Next time you talk to yourself, say you're single and stop. Next time you talk to yourself, say you're single and stop. What am I going to do? I don't know. I don't know. She hugged me so tight, I couldn't say... I know. I know. Excuse me. Nurse. Is there a pharmacy here? What do you need? What do you need? Elsie wants nitroglycerine. For her heart problem? For her heart problem? "Problem"? Ha! Problems. You know something? I think you saved her life. Maybe the whole family. Bless you. Come with me. I'll take you down there... So, tell us how you met Peter? Ma, she doesn't want to talk about that now, OK? But we could use a nice story. But we could use a nice story. It might not be nice. But we could use a nice story. It might not be nice. Why shouldn't it be? What about that other girl, the one he met in a bar? What about that other girl, the one he met in a bar? What's that got to do with it? Ashley Bartlett Bacon! Ashley Bartlett Bacon! Ox... Pretty high and mighty for someone named after meat! Pretty high and mighty for someone named after meat! Well, he has a nice girl now. Did you steal him from Ashley? I bet it was love at first sight. I can sense these things. Elsie, let her tell it. Elsie, let her tell it. She is telling it! I bet he picked you up in his fancy car! What was it that first struck you? It was his, er, smile. Caps! 600 bucks a tooth! Shhh! Well, erm, we saw each other and, erm, he... smiled and... ..and I knew that... my life would never be the same. So... Tomorrow night, 8 o'clock. Tomorrow night, 8 o'clock. What? I got Ice Capades. I know a guy. Hmm... (DOORS BEEP) (LIFT PINGS) Hi... Erm, bet you're wondering why I'm here in the middle of the night. Well, I thought I should introduce myself. My name's Lucy. Lucy Eleanor Moderatz. Erm, I think you should know, your family thinks we're engaged. I've never been engaged before. It's all very sudden for me. Hmm. Erm, what I really came here to tell you was that, erm, I... I didn't mean for this to happen. I... I don't know what to do. I mean, if you were awake I wouldn't be in this mess. God, not that I blame you... Sorry. It's just, y'know, when I was a kid I always imagined what I would... be like or where I'd be or what I'd have when I got older. Y'know, normal stuff. I'd have a house, a family, things like that. Not that I'm complaining or anything, y'know. I have a cat. I have an apartment. Erm, sole possession of the remote control. Very important. It's just... I never met anybody that I could laugh with, y'know? Do you believe in love at first sight? I bet you don't. Probably too sensible for that. Or have you ever, like, seen somebody and you knew that if only that person really knew you, they would dump the perfect model they were with and realise you were the one they wanted to grow old with. Ever fallen in love with somebody you never even talked to? Ever been so alone you spent a night confusing a man in a coma? (TELEPHONES) (HEART MONITOR BEEPS) Goodbye. Lucy! We didn't know you were here! Hi... Hi... Were you here all night? Hi... Were you here all night? Yeah. You're like me. I can sleep anywhere. You're like me. I can sleep anywhere. And believe me, she has! Way to go, Gram! So how's Peter? So how's Peter? Well, he's got more colour. He has some colour. Looks like it. He has some colour. Looks like it. Yeah. Well, I have to go. Great to see you... Great to see you... (Go on. Tell her.) We didn't get to celebrate Christmas, so, er, it would be nice if you could join us. it would be nice if you could join us. Oh, erm,... ..I'd love to but I can't. Jack's gonna be there! Jack's gonna be there! Right. You haven't met Jack yet. Jack's gonna be there! Right. You haven't met Jack yet. No, not yet. He'll be so happy to meet you! So you'll come? So you'll come? I shouldn't. I have to work. Write your phone number and address. Midge'll call you and persuade you. This is if you change your mind. Our business ` we buy furniture off dead people. OK. Alright, well, I have it. So, bye... Bye, dear. See you later. Bye. Excuse me, ma'am. Mrs Callaghan! Sorry, your husband's things. He's not my husband! He's not my husband! I'm sorry, your fiancee. (TIRED SOB) Er, you're Peter's fiancee? OK. OK. I'm Dalton. I work at Parker, Jacobs and Fink. Hmm. I have to go now... He's a great guy. Had a tough year. What with the accident last month... What with the accident last month... Erm, accident? Yeah. Well, it wasn't my fault. Did he say it was?! We were playing basketball, I carry a pencil. I'm a lawyer! I do that! OK... OK... Jesus... OK... Jesus... OK... So what's the big deal? So what's the big deal? They think I'm their future daughter-in-law! The grandma has heart trouble. I tell the truth, she'll die and it'll be on my head. and it'll be on my head. Then go along with it. And when Peter's out of the coma they'll be so happy they won't care that you lied. Probably thank you for it. they won't care that you lied. Probably thank you for it. Just mustard. OK. What if he doesn't come out of it? Then who's to know? Then who's to know? Oh, no... Then who's to know? Oh, no... Now, Lucy, when my mother heard I was to wed, her intestines burst. You tell them now, you might as well shoot Grandma. Come on, Mel! Puss...! What am I doing? Lucy! Hi, Saul. Hi. You made it! Yeah... Yeah... Ah, how do you feel? OK. OK. OK. OK. Keep me company. I don't smoke inside. You want one? I'm trying to quit. I'm trying to quit. That's good. OK, here, sit down. They don't bother you? They don't bother you? No, no. I'm fine. Did you know I'm Peter's godfather? I thought you had to be Catholic. I thought you had to be Catholic. Ox fudged it. Donated 50 folding chairs to a bingo night. Being a godfather is very important to Catholics. Means I'm practically part of the family. You're lucky. It's important, having family at this time of year. Hmm. Are you...? I mean, are your parents with you? No, no, my mom died when I was really young and a few years ago Dad got sick. We moved from Indiana so he could go to a research hospital. We moved from Indiana so he could go to a research hospital. Research. A medical term for very expensive, huh? Exactly. I had to quit school and start work for the CTA and, erm, a year ago he decided that was enough research and, er, passed away. and, er, passed away. My wife of 51 years passed away two years ago February 9th. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. A rough time for me. But Ox got me through. You're good friends? The best. Lucy, the Callaghans took me in as part of their family. I'd never let anyone hurt them. Neither would I. I believe you wouldn't. Lucy?You came? Hi, Saul. This is great! Come in, you two. It's freezing. Elsie made her eggnog. Word to the wise ` drink soda. OK. Ox, Mom, look who's here! Lucy came! (ALL GREET EXCITEDLY) Come on in. It's cold out there. We've got a wonderful dinner... We've got a wonderful dinner... It smells so good. Hi. This is so beautiful... That's Peter on the right. That's Peter on the right. Oh, these are sweet. That's Peter on the right. Oh, these are sweet. Oh, yeah, those squirrels! Ma, where are you? I'm serving your eggnog. I'm getting my camera. C'mon, everybody. Get close to the tree. Lucy, c'mon! Lucy, c'mon! I... I... Watch the birdy! Ma, take it again, I blinked. Ma, take it again, I blinked. You're lucky. I'm blind. Oh, excuse me. Oh, excuse me. I don't drink anymore. I don't drink any less, either! I don't drink any less, either! Ah, you got me... Oh, look at this! What is this? Open it. What is that? Turn them over. Turn them over. Pierced? Really? Thank you...! Don't thank me. I said get her a Barbie! More presents? You hit the jackpot. Mom, this is for you. Mom, this is for you. Oh, to Ox from Uncle Al. Who the hell is Uncle Al? Who the hell is Uncle Al? You know, Uncle Al from Buffalo. To Lucy. From Santa. # Once again # As in olden days, happy golden days of yore # As in olden days, happy golden days of yore Seven bow ties I've bet! # Faithful friends # Who were dear to us # Will be near to us once more # Will be near to us once more Oh, a gold watch! I love it! I love it! # Someday soon we all will be together # If the fates allow # Until then we'll have to muddle through # Somehow # So have yourself a merry little Christmas now... # I never got him anything. I know an Uncle Ed... (TELEPHONE) "This is Callaghan. Leave a message, I'll call back. Ciao." "Hi, it's Ashley. Lisbon is really great, but I'm cutting my trip short cos I've done a lot of thinking and... what the hey? I will marry you." Jack! Jack! Hey... Jack! Hey... Hey, buddy. Sshh! Jack! Don't wake Lucy. Lucy? Well, who's Lucy? Lucy's Peter's fiancee. No! That's not Peter's fiancee. No! That's not Peter's fiancee. You haven't met her? No. No. She's great. You'll love her. You know what, kid? Maybe I'll stay tonight. Don't eat my cereal tomorrow. Don't eat my cereal tomorrow. So it's special cereal? Don't eat my cereal tomorrow. So it's special cereal? Last time you took my toy surprise. Good morning. Good morning. (GASPS) Oh... Oh, you scared me. Sorry. Sorry. Erm, good morning, Jack. Erm, I guess I don't remember meeting you. That's probably because we've never met. That might have something to do with it. (CAR HORN) (CAR HORN) Ooh. Cab. I have to go, I'm really late, cos I have to... go. But, erm, it was nice to meet you,... Jack. Lucy... Lucy... OK, look, I know that... Hey. Hey. Hmmm? Hey. Hmmm? Welcome to the family. Oh, thank you. Bye. We pray that the Lord's healing presence is felt by those who are sick and by their families, especially Jo-Jo Goreki, Peter Callaghan, Craig Little and Peggy Dunne. We pray to the Lord. Lord... (ALL) Hear our prayer. (ALL) Hear our prayer. Oh, God, you call us to live as one family... So, who's this Lucy? She's your brother's fiancee. You'd think Peter would announce it in the Tribune. We read the Sun Times. Amen. We read the Sun Times. Amen. (ALL) Amen. Why did she sneak out today? Why did she sneak out today? She has a job! I prefer Mass in Latin. It's nicer not to know what they're saying. Get the Bourbeau estate? Yep. Downey's? Got it. Himmelstein's? Yeah. Van Allan? Himmelstein's took too long. For Christ's sake, Jack! For Christ's sake, Jack! Stop swearing! You're running a business now. You're running a business now. Can we talk about that? Talk later, OK? Now ` he can't kill you in church. Now ` he can't kill you in church. Could you pipe down? Be nice ` we're in church. You're disrupting the Mass! You're disrupting the Mass! Who made you the Pope? You're disrupting the Mass! Who made you the Pope? Ox! How did Joe Kelly get to be a lector? He takes marijuana. How did Joe Kelly get to be a lector? He takes marijuana. (ALL) Amen. Oh! Hi, Luce. Hi, Luce. Hi, Lucy! C'mon, you stupid wing-nut! Aw, your mother's...! Excuse me, do you live here? Live here? I own this place! Oh,... great. I'm dating her! Hmm. Very clean. Kitty? (WHISTLES) Kitty? Rich kitty! C'mere, mealtime! Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty... Puss, puss, puss! Kitty? Kitty? Food! Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty... C'mere! C'mere! Come on, honey! Where are you? Where are you? (GROANING) Oh, I'm so sorry... Nice shot. Nice shot. Oh, erm... I'll get some ice. I didn't expect anyone. Hey, how d'you get in here? Hey, how d'you get in here? Erm... Oh... Key? Key? You stay here a lot, huh? Oh, y'know... Feed the cat. Peter doesn't have a cat. Peter doesn't have a cat. (MIAOW) Oh... Hello. Hello, honey... "Fluffy." Hello, Fluffy. You must be so hungry... (TELEPHONE) Are you going to get that? Are you going to get that? Oh, no. I'm gonna let the machine get it. Hello? It's... for you. Hello? OK. Bye-bye. The hospital. It's customary for friends and family to come down and give blood. to come down and give blood. Let's go together. Y'know, maybe we should take your truck. Y'know, maybe we should take your truck. No, let's use Peter's car. Oh... OK. You do know where it's parked? You do know where it's parked? Oh, yeah... I, er... Yeah. (BEEPING) Hmm. Hmm. Hmm... Hey, we'll need your picture for the mantel. Of me? You and Peter. You and Peter. I'm not that photogenic. I doubt that! Now sit and sip this or you'll get woozy. When did you start seeing Peter? When did you start seeing Peter? September 17th. When did you start seeing Peter? September 17th. Three months. That's quick. You have no idea. That's fast... That's fast... Miss! That's fast... Miss! I'm fine. I'm not done with you! I'm not done with you! I got it, I got it... Whoa... Why the hell's he got a TV? He's in a coma, for Chrissake! Why the hell's he got a TV? He's in a coma, for Chrissake! Ox, shhh. He might hear you. Then get him a radio. We could sing to him. We could sing to him. Maybe Lucy knows his favourite song! Puff the Magic... Puff the Magic... ..Dragon. Dragon. Which of the Three Stooges was Peter's favourite? Curly. Curly. Curly? Hah! He's everyone's favourite. He's everyone's favourite. I like Shemp. Top ice-cream? Baskin-Robbins. Favourite baseball team? Chicago. Cubs or White Sox? Cubs or White Sox? What the heck is going on? Why are you asking all these questions? Don't ask me, ask her boyfriend. That isn't very funny. That isn't very funny. No, not this boyfriend. Joe Fusco. (SNORTS) Joe Junior? (SNORTS) Joe Junior? Mm-hmm. That's right. Mr Joe Fusco Junior. He said you were intimate. He also said he invented aluminum foil. He's delusional. He also said he invented aluminum foil. He's delusional. He seemed lucid to me. Oh, dear, oh, dear... Ma, you OK? See what you did? What did I do? What did I do? If she wanted to prove it, she'd prove it. Peter... has one testicle. No way! No way! Way. About a month ago there was an accident. He played basketball with a friend who had a pencil in his pocket. Yeugh...! Yeugh...! Ohhh... Maybe, erm... Maybe, erm... No. Someone's got to look. Someone's got to look. Don't look at me! Maybe, er... Maybe, er... It's not my, er... OK. I'm his mother. Oh, Mom...! Look at the bright side. He has more room in his Jockey shorts. Ma! (KNOCKING) (KNOCKING) Who is it? (KNOCKING) Who is it? What gives? You stood me up. For what? Our date. What date? What date? Ice Capades. I ate your ticket! I never agreed to a date. I never agreed to a date. You did. I didn't. Did, too! Didn't! Didn't! (KNOCKING) (KNOCKING) Who is it? (KNOCKING) Who is it? Lucy, it's Saul! Are you two-timing Joe Junior? Are you two-timing Joe Junior? No. I never one-timed. Hey, I'll fight him! Hey, I'll fight him! Just get in the closet. Not a word. Not a word. Nice panties. Hey. Hey. Well, I like boxer shorts, but hey, I'll try these. Have you got company? Have you got company? No, TV. It's on. Next door. Erm, you want some coffee or tea or something? No, not a thing. Lucy, there's something you should know. What? What? The night you visited Peter I was outside. I know the truth. Sorry, Saul. Don't worry, I'll tell them everything. Sorry, Saul. Don't worry, I'll tell them everything. Don't say a thing. Remember how you said you'd never hurt the family? Yeah. You've given them Peter back. Now, if you tell them the truth, you'll take him away again. They need you, Lucy, just like you need them. Look, I know you're a good girl. I know you'll do the right thing. I know you'll do the right thing. I don't know... I know you'll do the right thing. I don't know... Yes, you will. By the way, how did you know about Peter with the one...? Y'know something? I don't want to know. Bye... Bye... < (GRUNTING) God! What're you...? What are you doing? What are you doing? I slipped. What are you doing? I slipped. You're trying on my shoes? No. When I fell, my foot went... (KNOCKING) (KNOCKING) Who is it? (KNOCKING) Who is it? It's me. Jack Callaghan. Does no-one use the phone? Does no-one use the phone? I do. Does no-one use the phone? I do. I'm not talking 900 numbers. Who told? Hi. So, more questions? No. An engagement present for you. No. An engagement present for you. Er, you really shouldn't have. I didn't. It's from my parents. I didn't. It's from my parents. Ah. I didn't. It's from my parents. Ah. Furniture. I can bring it up. Hey, was that Saul I saw leaving? (THUDDING) What's that? Cat. Big cat. Oh, I think you should bring it to, erm, bring it to Peter's apartment. You don't know what it is. You don't know what it is. Anything looks nicer at Peter's! I'll come with you. < (CLATTERING) You know, I think you parked too... I think you're too close to the other car. I think you're too close to the other car. Had to. Gotta unload here. Ready for your surprise? Ta-daa! Oh, that is great. That is so great! You like that? Yeah. Too bad. Ox bought you the love seat. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Don't be. I made this. This? No, you didn't! This? No, you didn't! Shocking, isn't it? Can I sit in it? Can I sit in it? Rock out! My God, this is perfect. You should go into business. Well, that gets tricky. Oh, yeah. Working with your dad, right? Working with your dad, right? The business used to be Callaghan and Sons. Peter went to law school, so it's "and Son". If I left, it'd just be Callaghan. Wait a second, unlock the doors... Wait a second, unlock the doors... No, I got it. I got it. There we go. Oh, this technique? It's always a very modern technique, this. Hey, excuse me ` what apartment? Hey, excuse me ` what apartment? Er, 57G. Well, sir, I'm sorry, guests have to be announced. Well, I'm with her. Helping her. So? You don't know her? No. But I'm new here. But I'm new here. Oh, well, she's Peter Callaghan's fiancee in 57G. Oh... Oh, yeah. They told me about her, sir. She's scary. Tell me about it! Ooh! Be careful. Be careful. Maybe we should, erm, angle it a little bit. Erm, I think it's wedged. Erm, I think it's wedged. Step back ` I'm gonna try an old trick. What's the trick? Push it really hard. Push it really hard. (SNORTS) OK. OK, OK, push... OK, OK, push... I did. Do you want me to help you? Do you want me to help you? A little help would be good. OK. One, two, three... (GASPS) Let's put the sofa... right there. Oh, no. No, no, no! Look at this. The idiot has blocked me in! Look at this. The idiot has blocked me in! I told you not to park that close. (SIGHS) Check the meter, see what time. Check the meter, see what time. Erm, it's six o'clock. They can stay all night. All night, huh? Erm,... good night. You'd leave me with the truck? Basically, yeah. Maybe I oughtta walk you back. Maybe I oughtta walk you back. What for? Protection. Protection. Oh, I'm fine. I'm OK. For me. I don't wanna be here by myself. This is Chicago. You look cold. You look cold. Hmm? You look cold. Hmm? You look cold. Because I am cold. How about you? My jacket's reversible. I'm wearing the warm side. My jacket's reversible. I'm wearing the warm side. Oh, I see. You need a better coat. You need a better coat. This is my dad's! Oh, then he must be freezing! He passed away. Sorry. Sorry. It's not your fault. He passed away last year. I don't even remember my mom, so... Well, what was he like? A lot like me. Dark hair, flat chest... What do you remember most about him? What do you remember most about him? Oh, that? OK. Erm... Well, he liked maps. he liked maps. I live by maps. My truck's filled with them. He'd hear of a place, we'd pull out the atlas, find it, then route out a little way to get there. If there was one place you could go... If there was one place you could go... Florence! I haven't taken furniture there, but I hear it's nice. I take it you've never been there? I take it you've never been there? The El doesn't make it all the way to Florence, so... Oh, but I do have... ..my passport. ..my passport. Your passport? With you? In case I have to leave the country quickly. In case I have to leave the country quickly. Perfect. Great. Oh, you're right. You're not very photogenic at all. Just joking. There are no stamps in there. Well, I haven't gone anywhere yet. But I plan a trip to Florence real soon, so, y'know... That would make your dad proud. Yeah. Y'know, in a very small way you remind me of him a little bit. I see. So he was a classy guy, a gentlemen, a working man... Who just stepped in doggy-poopy! Who just stepped in doggy-poopy! Oh...! Now that's classy! That's classy! Tell me more. Where did you grow up? Tell me more. Where did you grow up? Aren't you Mr Chatty tonight? I'm about to start shivering. Talking stops my face freezing. Thank you. I had a good time. Thank you. I had a good time. Oh... Slippery here. But we got this far. I'll take you the rest of the way. Watch out, it's a little icy. So, erm, you gonna see Peter tomorrow? Whoa...! Ow! Do not take me with you! You got it? OK... Oh, ho... this is... this is... This is big. There we go. There we go. Ohhh... Alright? Alright? Yeah. I think we're alright now. Is it this way? This way. Ow! Ow! What was that? Was that my pants or my muscles? Was that my pants or my muscles? Gimme your hand. Gimme your hand. OK... Oh, man! You have an extra pair of pants in your apartment? You fit into my pants, I will kill myself! Don't follow me. You block the wind. I'll wait till you get inside. Well, good night. Good night. I'll... see you when I see you? Yeah. Yeah. (CHUCKLES) Alright, Lucy, it's either me or him! Alright, Lucy, it's either me or him! Him. You don't have to answer right away. I'm having an affair! I like Jack. Who's Jack? Peter's brother. So? He thinks I'm engaged. To who? To Peter! Lucy, I don't have time for this. Oh, no, no, no. You must tell me what to do. Tell the truth. Tell the truth. If I tell Jack I lied he'll never speak to me again. And Ox and Midge and Mary and Saul... Saul? Who's Saul? Their next-door neighbour. But actually he knows. Lucy, you're born into a family. You do not join one like the Marines! You do not join one like the Marines! You have to tell me what to do. Pull the plug. You're sick. You're sick. I am? You're cheating on a vegetable! Down and dirty. Are you gonna fold? You're not gonna fold? Oh, he is staying in with a pair! Very impressive. Bold. Confident. Full house. You are unlucky at cards! But... lucky in love. Remember in, like, fifth or sixth grade I was getting really good at poker, going home with lots of lunch money. Got to know the Principal's office really well. He always said to me, "How come you can't be more like your brother, Peter? You know what? I was alright with that. No problem with that, cos I was proud of you. And I was never envious of anything you had. Until now. I'll cut the deck. High card gets Lucy. Alright, we'll go best out of three. So, Lucy, did you and Peter decide where to go on honeymoon? I went to Cuba! I went to Cuba! Ricky Ricardo was Cuban. Didn't Peter look great today? He should've been an actor. He's tall. All the greats were. Lucy, could you find a nice girl for Jack? Oh, Mom, come on! Oh, Mom, come on! Oh, I don't know Jack's type, so I... I like blondes. Chubby ones. Alan Ladd wasn't tall. Alan Ladd wasn't tall. Marshal Dillon was six foot five! Well, we all know who Lucy's type is! These mashed potatoes are so creamy. These mashed potatoes are so creamy. You like brunettes. I could never make a good pot roast. I could never make a good pot roast. You need good beef. Argentina has great beef. Beef and Nazis. Argentina has great beef. Beef and Nazis. John Wayne was tall. Dustin Hoffman was five six. Dustin Hoffman was five six. Could Dustin Hoffman save the Alamo? Spain has good beef. Spain has good beef. So creamy. Mary mashed 'em. Cesar Romero was tall. Cesar Romero was tall. He was not Spanish. Cesar Romero was tall. He was not Spanish. I didn't say that he was. Then what did you say? Then what did you say? I said he was tall. We all know he was tall. We all know he was tall. Cesar Romero was tall. That's all I said. So if you need help with history, don't call me! So if you need help with history, don't call me! Remember, honey, if you're free New Year's, come on over. if you're free New Year's, come on over. Thank you very much. I had a great time. Bye. Bye-bye, Lucy. Bye-bye, Lucy. Look, you guys, you're under the mistletoe! Kiss her ` it's mistletoe! It's tradition. It's tradition. C'mon, idiot, kiss her! (ALL) Ohhh... (ALL) Good night. (ALL) Good night. C'mon, Mary, we're on dish detail. Let's go... Regular fare. One token, please! One token, please! Mary! What are you doing here? Hi. You guys want to come through? We can? Yeah. Absolutely. Hey...! Hi! Hey, who's this? Hey, who's this? I'm Mary. This is Beth. Mary's my, erm... Mary's my, erm... Lucy's marrying my brother. What? Lucy, you're getting married? Well, it's yet to be announced, so it's awkward... ..for me to say anything. Erm... Oh, train! OK. See you later. OK. See you later. Thank you. Nice to meet you, Beth! Girl, are you pregnant? Girl, are you pregnant? Yes, I'm pregnant (!) Girl, are you pregnant? Yes, I'm pregnant (!) Lucy! Girl, give me details! C'mon! Girl, give me details! C'mon! You have to have sex to get pregnant! But you're engaged! But you're engaged! Well, we're... We're waiting. Waiting? (TELEPHONE) (TELEPHONE) "Peter? Hi, it's Ashley. Is this machine working? "I'm back in Chicago and shocked you haven't called." "I'd like to hear from you. And I'd like to see my cat. Call me." New Year's Eve hasn't been the same since Guy Lombardo died. New Year's Eve hasn't been the same since Guy Lombardo died. I love a clarinet. Nobody plays the clarinet anymore. the clarinet anymore. Guy Lombardo didn't play clarinet. I didn't say he did. Benny Goodman could play. Benny Goodman could play. Hey, Pa, we got the Van Allan estate. Way to go! Hey, everybody. Lucy's pregnant. How do you know? What do you mean? That's what Beth said... That's what Beth said... Jack, do you know anything about this? (KNOCKING) (KNOCKING) Who is it? (KNOCKING) Who is it? Joe Junior. I'm not here. I know that trick. Hey, my old man's got keys. Hey, my old man's got keys. That is illegal and you know it, Joey. Ta-daa! Just like those they use in the Arlington winner's circle. They're beautiful. I can't accept them. I can move in here. Pop'd knock 50 bucks off the rent. I have six months left to live. I have six months left to live. Don't try to make me feel better. It's that other guy, isn't it? What do you mean? What do you mean? I seen the way you look at him. What? How do I look at him? Like you just seen your first Trans-Am! Here, take 'em. You can lay them on my coffin. Thank you. Are you wearing the black bra? I love black underwears. Jack! Hi. What're you doing here? What're you doing here? Er, I... Going to a party? Going to a party? Oh, my friend Celeste is having one. Great. I'll drive you. Great. I'll drive you. Y'know, it's really not that far... No, no. C'mon. OK, but it's really not that far. I move a lot of things in this truck. So, is, erm, everything OK? So, is, erm, everything OK? Why wouldn't it be? You're acting weird. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. No. I'm not being weird. So,... what about Peter? What about Peter? What about Peter? He has a lot to deal with when he wakes up. Lucy! Hi! How are you? Come on in! Hey, everybody, Lucy and her fiance are here! Lucy! Lucy! Jerry, you know Peter, right? Take his coat... I gotta talk to you! I gotta talk to you! Jeez, he looks good. I gotta talk to you! Jeez, he looks good. That's not Peter, that's Jack. Er, who's Jack? Peter's brother. Peter's in the coma? Yeah. So why bring Jack? So why bring Jack? I didn't. He followed me. So Jack's the fiance? No, Peter. Peter doesn't even know you exist! I know. So Jack is Peter? Yeah. Lucy! They have doctors for this kind of thing! That's spiked! Thank God. Don't have any. Don't have any. Why not? Don't have any. Why not? Cos it's not good for the baby! Wait a minute, wait up... Er, this whole evening did not work out well and, er... Am I supposed to share responsibility for that? Am I supposed to share responsibility for that? No... Will you slow down a little bit? Look, it was just a misunderstanding and on top of the Joe Junior thing... it was just a misunderstanding and on top of the Joe Junior thing... Excuse me? Nothing. No, there's no nothing. What Joe Junior thing? The leaning thing. The leaning thing. The leaning thing? OK. Erm... What do you mean by that? Cos he gave me flowers? And then you... leaned. And then I "leaned"? And then I "leaned"? Yeah. OK. How did I lean? OK. How did I lean? How? Different to hugging. Very different. Hugging involves arms and hands and leaning is whole bodies, moving in, like this. Leaning involves... ..wanting... ..and accepting. Leaning... Hey, Luce! Is this guy bothering you? No. No. No. No. Are you sure? Cos it looks like he's... leaning. Thank you. See? I'll be right here if you need me. OK. Thank you very much. I know karate. OK. Now... Alright, what about the other thing? The other misunderstanding? The other misunderstanding? Why did you think I was pregnant? Well, Mary said she had heard something like that. Well, Mary said she had heard something like that. And you believed her? I had no reason not to. So Peter would only marry someone like me if I was pregnant? No, no. No, no. Hmm. Ha! Good night. Fact is, you're not really Peter's type. Fact is, you're not really Peter's type. Yeah, Jack? Whose type am I? Thank you. It's a great idea, you and Peter, it's just not obvious... It's a great idea, you and Peter, it's just not obvious... Jack, I had a lousy Christmas. You killed my New Year's. Come back at Easter and burn down my flat. C'mon, Lucy! C'mon, Lucy! What do you want from me? I want you not to be unhappy. What are you, the happiness guru? You haven't talked to your father. Do you want to leave the business or is that a miscommunication, too? Do you want to leave the business or is that a miscommunication, too? Hey! You don't know my family. A week does not make you an expert. A week does not make you an expert. A lifetime with them hasn't made you one, either. I know keeping the family happy gets complicated. Would your father want you sat in a booth planning vacations that you aren't taking? No, he wouldn't. You're right. But you have no idea what it's like to be alone. But you have no idea what it's like to be alone. Hey, you have Peter. I don't have anybody. Good night. (DISTANT REVELS) Happy New Year. # For auld lang syne, my dear, # For auld lang syne # We'll take a cup of kindness yet # In days of auld lang syne (HEART MONITOR BEEPS) (SPEEDS UP) # For auld lang syne... # Ox, they called me down here. What happened? He's awake! He's awake! Oh... Boy, he'll be glad to see you! Boy, he'll be glad to see you! Yeah... Peter! Peter? Your family's here. Who are you? My God! He's got amnesia! Lacunar amnesia is a condition where memory loss is localised and patchy, limited to isolated events. Selective amnesia? Selective amnesia? Exactly. Selective amnesia? Exactly. Erm, I'm sorry. I need to tell you something that is really important. I was never... Pregnant? Huh? We know. Jack called us. Jack! Jack! Hey, so he's come out of it, huh? Jack! Hey, so he's come out of it, huh? I'm so glad you're here. Excuse me. Doctor, he's up again. Alright, let's go. Saul...! Saul...! Let me handle it. I'm too old a friend and too old to kill. I'll take care of it. I'll do it right now. C'mon. I'm right behind you. How you feeling, champ? How you feeling, champ? I don't know. Hey, remember her? Should I? Should I? Look closely. She looks a little familiar. Why? It's coming back! It's coming back! I think so. What's coming back? Tell me. What's coming back? Tell me. Oh, you have amnesia. I do? I do? Peter, you're engaged. To who? To who? To Lucy! To who? To Lucy! Lucy? Who's Lucy? You don't remember? You don't remember? Excuse me, got you some Jell-O. Do I like Jell-O? He's had enough excitement for one day. Let's go. Hang in there, champ. G'night, honey. G'night, honey. Good night, Mom. G'night, honey. Good night, Mom. It's so good to see you. Mom? Mom? He looks so good... He looked wonderful! We'll be back. We'll be back. Jack, you, too. Saul, where have you been? Saul, where have you been? I had to go to the bathroom! Saul! Saul! OK, I'll tell them. When? On my golden anniversary? When? On my golden anniversary? I'll tell them... When? On my golden anniversary? I'll tell them... You better! A, B, C, D, E, F, G...? Jack, you've been great this week. Hmm. Yeah, like when I accused you of lying to everybody. Or when I accused you of an affair with Joe Junior. Or when I thought you were pregnant and told all your friends. Or when I thought you were pregnant and told all your friends. You've had a busy week, haven't you? Look, Jack, erm, starting tomorrow... things are probably gonna be kinda different. starting tomorrow... things are probably gonna be kinda different. Yeah... I just want you to know that you've become, er,... ..a really good friend. OK. A good friend. Lucy! Yeah? I didn't mean, er, what I said about you and Peter. I think you two will make a terrific couple. And, er,... ..I'm really glad that you won't be alone anymore. Goodbye. Goodbye. Bye. (DOOR LATCH) Jack, is that you? Hey, Pop. I brought you some donuts. I brought you some donuts. You're a saviour! Your mother's got me eating fat-free bran muffins. Taste like plywood! Catching up? Catching up? Yeah, a week's worth of obituaries. We missed a lot of good stuff the day after Christmas. One hell of a week, huh? Life is a pain in the ass! I tell ya, y'know. You work hard, provide for the family, and then, for one minute everything is good. Everyone's well, everyone's happy, and in that one minute you have peace. Pop, this isn't that minute. What do you mean? What do you mean? Erm... Remember the chair I made Grandma? Remember the chair I made Grandma? You kiddin'? It's so fancy, she won't sit in it. Two months ago I sold three just like it. I sold two tables. I got orders for six more. That's a good side business. That's a good side business. It's not a side business. This is... good business. Wait a second. You don't want my business? No, I don't. How long have you felt this way? How long have you felt this way? A long time. Why didn't you say something sooner? I coulda sold up to Uncle Eddie for twice the value! I could've taken your ma on a cruise! You're not mad at me? You're not mad at me? Are you nuts? You are nuts! You wanna make rocking chairs! Oh, Mrs Fletcher finally went, huh? Her dining room alone is worth 40 grand. The Murphy boys were moving in before the deed was done. They're too pushy. We'll call them next week. You'll call them next week. You'll call them next week. That's right. I'll call them. Do I get a donut? I'm sorry. 22, 10, 40. Eighth grade locker combination. Birthdate, 3/11/59. You must remember Lucy. You must remember Lucy. Social security number, 144/606... You love her. You just... don't remember. 3.73 grade average, Northwestern Uni. Can I talk to Peter alone? Can I talk to Peter alone? Everything OK, Saul? Senior class president, 1981. Senior class president, 1981. I just want to talk to my godson. Senior class president, 1981. I just want to talk to my godson. Let me take that. See you later. You sure, Saul? You sure, Saul? Yeah, sure. See you, Dad. I've know you since you were born, been to every event in your life from cub scouts to the day you found hair on your schmeckel. You got a good education, you're popular with your friends, you make a nice living. We all know you're good looking. But Peter, you're a putz. Excuse me? Excuse me? Look, I'm your godfather. I love you. I couldn't love you more if you were my own. But the fact of the matter is, well, you're a putz. Is there a point to this? Is there a point to this? Lucy! Peter, there's something you have to know about her. You see, she... Well... Erm... She's... Y'know... She's not only your fiancee, she's your guarding angel. Yeah! Peter, she saved your life. Now she's coming to see you today, so do yourself a favour. I want you to look deep into her eyes and listen like a man with a second chance at life. After two minutes, if you're not madly in love, tell her you want to break up and go back to being a putz. But if you see what the rest of us only took seconds to see, you will propose a second time and marry her before she can escape. Before she comes, just you think about what an old putz told you. Y'know, if I was 40 years younger I'd marry her myself. If she'd convert. Hey, that's a joke. I know. (SIREN) Lucy! Lucy! Hi. Hi. Hi. Erm, I came to bring you your things. You want a sandwich? No. No, I'm OK, thanks. Can I get you anything? I wish I had my own clothes. I wish I had my own clothes. I like your blue pin-stripe. Double-breasted? That's my favourite. Double-breasted? That's my favourite. Really? Yeah. Please sit down. I saw a picture of you,... when you saved the three squirrels. They never call, never write... It was a long time ago. I guess we don't get to do many heroic things as an adult. I guess we don't get to do many heroic things as an adult. Oh, that's for sure. You do, though! You do, though! No, jumping in front of that train was unusual. I don't think I've ever done anything truly heroic in my life. I did chase a purse-snatcher. I did chase a purse-snatcher. Well, that's something. I did chase a purse-snatcher. Well, that's something. Pretended to pull a muscle. Most guys probably wouldn't give chase in the first place. I work at the El, believe me, I know. You give up your seat every day in the train. You give up your seat every day in the train. Oh, well, that's not heroic. It is to the person who sits in it. You always gave me something to look forward to every day. You do remind me of someone. It's probably you! Erm...! Excuse me! Excuse me, ma'am. What apartment? You're new. You're new. Yes, ma'am. The apartment? Peter Callaghan's. Peter Callaghan's. And your name, please? Ashley Bartlett Bacon. I am Peter's fiancee. Ashley Bartlett Bacon. I am Peter's fiancee. (CHUCKLES) You're not his fiancee. Huh? Hey, lookin' good! Hey, lookin' good! They're moving me to the second floor. Mind if I drive? Mind if I drive? No problem. See you by the elevators. There we go. There we go. Whoa, it's a little draughty. Here, I bought you some contraband. Chocolate peanut butter. Thanks. Hey, isn't Lucy terrific? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We're engaged, you know? Yeah, I heard that. Mmm. Now this I remember. Everything is better. Looks better, feels better. Chocolate peanut butter tastes better! Chocolate peanut butter tastes better! Good. That's fudge mint. Whatever. I'm reborn. If you were a priest, I'd confess. No! I'm trying to be positive. Eat your ice-cream. What did my secretary send home for Christmas? What did my secretary send home for Christmas? A fruit basket. Look... I'm never faithful to a woman. I'm never faithful to a woman. I'm gonna leave. I'm never faithful to a woman. I'm gonna leave. And the squirrels? Don't even say it! First I knocked them out of their nest with a rock. Peter! Then I saved 'em. Er... Did you say this to Lucy? Er... Did you say this to Lucy? That was in the past. I'm making a clean start with Lucy. She is... She is... She... What is she? She's... I'd say she gets under your skin as soon as you meet her. You don't know whether to hug her or just arm wrestle her. She'd go all the way to Europe for a stamp in her passport. I don't know if that amounts to insanity or being really, really... ..likeable. No, that's not it. But she's gotta be special. She's gotta be. And I can spend the rest of my life finding out why. I don't have to know now or tomorrow. I don't have to know in a year or ten years. I don't have to have all the answers today. Some day I might have a clue. I can still make a lifetime commitment. Does this make any sense? Not really. But that's common after a head injury. Not really. But that's common after a head injury. My shoes. My shoes. Ah, hi. Ah, hi. What did they say? Ah, hi. What did they say? Who? The Callaghans. Are they here? The Callaghans. Are they here? You missed them. The Callaghans. Are they here? You missed them. Well, what was their reaction? I didn't tell 'em yet. I didn't tell 'em yet. What do you mean, Saul? What about Peter? I didn't tell him, either. I didn't tell him, either. You said you'd handle it! This is handling it? This is! Saul, you're fired. Fired? Sorry. Sorry. Pardon me. Two, please. Two, please. Four, please. Ashley! Scumbag! You're engaged? May I remind you that you proposed to me? You said no. We broke up. No, I was confused. We stood back. You moved to Portugal. I didn't think you'd run out and marry the first bimbo you found! I didn't think you'd run out and marry the first bimbo you found! Lucy is not a bimbo. Lucy? Lucy who? I don't remember. Liar! Liar! I don't remember proposing. I was in a coma. I have amnesia. Amnesia? Well, that's rich. OK, fine. I want my stuff back. Fine. Then I want my stuff back. What stuff? Your nose. You can't take my nose back. You can't take my nose back. I paid for it. You can't take my nose back. I paid for it. Then here! You paid for these, too. Keep 'em. I'm a changed man, Ashley. I'm a changed man, Ashley. Go ahead. Go ahead and marry her, you one-balled bastard! Holy buckets, Peter! Moving on to greener pastures! Yeah. Yeah. You got it, pal. Lucy, they moved him. Lucy, they moved him. Moved him where? Lucy, they moved him. Moved him where? Downstairs. Lucy. Lucy. Lucy. Hi, Peter. You look really good. Lucy. Hi, Peter. You look really good. I feel good. You know what? Facing death has made me look at my life, and I didn't like what I saw. I have tickets to the Bulls, a lucrative investment portfolio, a flat on "la Rue de Fauborg, St Honore"! Where? Paris. But I have no-one to trust. No-one to want to have a son with. You were there when I needed you. You gave me a second chance. Took a coma to wake me up. My family loves you, I might as well love you. Lucy Eleanor Moderatz, will you marry me? Wanda? Wanda, are you alright? Wanda? Wanda, are you alright? Erm... Your hair looks very big tonight. Your hair looks very big tonight. Why, thank you. I love the new cologne. It's "Paris Guy", from France. How you doin'? How you doin'? Hey, you goin' to see Lucy? How you doin'? Hey, you goin' to see Lucy? Yeah. Whoo! The best-lookin' chick in the building. Whoo! The best-lookin' chick in the building. Hey! But you are the best-lookin' chick on the third floor. Oh, Joe Junior! Oh, Joe Junior! Phyllis! Mel, this one? Mel, this one? (MIAOWS) This one? (KNOCKING) Oh!I don't want any flowers, I am not wearing black underwear and I won't move in with you, J... Jack? Jack? Well, I have no flowers, I'd like to see the black underwear, but I don't think I should move in. (CHUCKLES) I thought you were Joe Junior. Oh, I get that a lot! Do you want to come in? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah? Wow! That's the wedding dress? Hmm? Hmm? The wedding dress? It works good as a tie, too. Yeah... Yeah... I wanted to give you this before all the gifts start piling up. I was delivering to Little Italy, I look in the window and... Florence. Florence. Florence. Thank you. It's really beautiful. And I... wanted to say that I think that Peter... ..is a very lucky guy. Thank you. Thank you. I gotta say it ` you'll be my sister-in-law. Ha, ha, ha (!) I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other, then. Hmm. I'd better get going. Yeah. Hey, Jack. Jack! Jack! Yeah? Can you give me any reason why I shouldn't marry your brother? (SIGHS) I can't. (BANGS DOOR) What's this? What's this? A wedding invitation. Wait a minute! This is for your wedding! Wait a minute! This is for your wedding! So? Whom are we marrying? Look, Jerry ` Peter Callaghan. The coma guy? Are you insane? Yes. I am. Every day I go and I sit in a booth like a veal. I work every holiday. I go home to a cat. Now a rich handsome man has asked me to marry him and I said yes. OK, that makes me a raving lunatic. The wedding is tomorrow, Lucy. The wedding is tomorrow, Lucy. I know, Jerry. You know what? I wish it were yesterday. Then today I'd be on honeymoon and I would finally have a stamp in my passport saying Italy! What happened with the other guy? He didn't want me. Maybe she forgot. Maybe she forgot. Forget her own wedding? Maybe she's stuck in traffic. Maybe she's stuck in traffic. Do I look ridiculous? Maybe she's stuck in traffic. Do I look ridiculous? No, you look fine. You got the rings? You got the rings? Yeah, I got 'em. You got the rings? Yeah, I got 'em. What's the matter with you? You suck. I suck or the outfit sucks? I suck or the outfit sucks? That's a toss-up. # "THE WEDDING MARCH" (MUSIC STOPS) (RESTARTS) (Oh, she's lovely...!) Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join... Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join... I object. Oh, Jeez... Oh, Jeez... I didn't get to that part yet. Oh, Jeez... I didn't get to that part yet. I would have to object, too. What about you? What about you? I'm thinking. What the hell is this? I am in love with your son. I know. Not that one. That one. That one. Jack, what the hell did you do? He didn't do anything. He didn't do anything. It was me. It was all me. Elsie, how are you? You OK? Erm, you remember that day at the hospital? Of course you remember that day. There was a little mix-up. I saw Peter get pushed onto the tracks and saved his life. But when I got to the hospital they wouldn't let me see him, so... ..someone... told the doctor I was his fiancee, only, erm,... ..it's not true. I was never engaged to Peter. Why didn't you say something? I didn't know how. We never even met until that day on the tracks. In the hospital, everything happened so fast. I couldn't tell you the truth and then I didn't want to, because... ..the truth was that... ..I fell in love with you. ..I fell in love with you. Fell in love with me? No. Yes. All of you. I went from being all alone to being a fiancee, a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister and a friend. Maybe I saved you on those tracks, but y'know, you really saved me. You made me part of your family and I hadn't had that in so long. And I didn't want to let go of it. So even though it was just for a little while, I will love them always. I'm very sorry. Oh, erm, and I'm very sorry about your carpet. What about my carpet? What about my carpet? Peter is engaged to me! I object to this wedding. Get in line. I object to your objection. Who's that? Who's that? Ashley's husband. Who's that? Ashley's husband. You proposed to a married woman? Yes. And I was in a coma when my brother makes a play for my... ..sort-of fiancee. ..sort-of fiancee. Peter, how could you...? ..sort-of fiancee. Peter, how could you...? (ALL SHOUT) (ALL SHOUT AT ONCE) Hold it, just hold it there... (KNOCKING) Hey, Luce! I just wanted to say that, er, I'm sorry it didn't work out with that guy. And, erm, y'know, right now you should get in touch with the child within and, erm, explore your feminine side and, erm... Look, don't start eating cookies and cake and stuff, or you'll blow up like my Aunt Roberta and... ..you deserve better than that. So, how are things going with Miss Third Floor? Pssshh! (SOBS) Oh, Joe... Joe... Do you have any cookies? Do you have any cookies? No, but you can try on some of my shoes... OK. Hey. Last day, huh? Hey. Last day, huh? Yeah. Yeah... I'm gonna miss you. We'll see each other. We'll see each other. We better! Alright? Bye. Bye. See you. Lucy. I need to ask you a question. Get down on your knee! It's more romantic. He's proposing. Let him do it. Let him do it. I am letting him do it. Can I come in there, please? I can't. Not without a token. (COIN DROPS) (GATE CHINGS) I knew it! Marry me? Yeah. I love you. I love you back. Ah, that's nice. Ah, that's nice. I'm so happy...! 'So I had planned to marry Peter but I married Jack instead.' 'Thank goodness my father was right, life doesn't always go as you plan.' 'But Jack, Jack gave me the perfect gift ` a stamp in my passport. He took me to Florence for our honeymoon.' 'I guess you might say he gave me the world.' 'Peter once asked when I fell in love with Jack and I told him ` it was while you were sleeping.' # When my world is turnin' # When it's turning upside down # When all I see is rain # When I think the night won't end # I just think of you # And I can see the sun again # (BOTH) Wherever would I be # Without you? # If I didn't have you # If I didn't have you # If I didn't have you # Whatever would I do now, baby? # Wherever would I be # Without you? # I'd be in nowhere # I'd be in nowhere # Nowhere # I'd be in nowhere # I'd be in nowhere # Nowhere # When the dreams I dream all seem # A million miles away # When I'm sure # I'll never win # When it's lookin' like I've lost my faith # I just look at you, baby, # Baby, # Baby, # And I got reason to believe again # Wherever would I be # Without you? # If I didn't have you # If I didn't have you # If I didn't have you # Whatever would I do now, baby? # Wherever would I be # Without you? # I'd be in nowhere # I'd be in nowhere # I'd be nowhere # I'd be nowhere # I'd be nowhere # Nowhere # Without you # To love me # To love me # To love me # I'd just be wasting time # And going out of my mind # My mind # Wherever would I be # Without you? # If I didn't have you # If I didn't have you # If I didn't have you # Whatever I would do now, baby? # Wherever would I be # Without you? # I'd be nowhere # I'd be nowhere # I'd be nowhere # Nowhere # I'd be nowhere # Nowhere # Nowhere # Wherever would I be? # Wherever would I be? # Wherever would I be...? # IMS Subtitles Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air.