1 GENTLE TINKLING MUSIC Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Able 2016 GENTLE TINKLING MUSIC LAUGHTER LAUGHTER DRAMATIC MUSIC DRAMATIC MUSIC GENTLE MUSIC Oh. (Moans) (Whimpers) (Groans) EERIE MUSIC (Sighs) SOFT, GENTLE MUSIC CHOIR SINGS Have you written anything? No. What's this? Let's go. We got 10 minutes to go. Punch me out, man. You got it. MUSIC BUILDS Any word from the LAPD Intelligence? If there is such a thing. Not yet, sir. Of course not. Because we're a covert anti-terrorism team that is so secret that when we snap our fingers, nothing happens. BEEPING POUNDING DRUMS ETHEREAL SINGING Sheriff's Department? Airport Police? WOMAN: Still waiting. But Interpol insists he's in Tripoli. Yes, well, you trust...you trust that billion-dollar satellite, OK? I'll trust a $10 snitch at this point. MAN: Sean. Look. What?! Why don't you give them a little break, OK? We'll take a break when the case breaks, OK? DRAMATIC MUSIC HANDEL'S 'HALLELUJAH CHORUS' (Choir sings) # Hallelujah! Hallelujah! # Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! # For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth # Hallelujah! Hallelujah! # Hallelujah! Hallelujah! # For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth # Hallelujah! Hallelujah! # Hallelujah! Hallelujah! # For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth # Hallelujah # And he shall reign for ever and ever... # I never really enjoyed 'The Messiah'. Boring. But your voice makes even a hack like Handel...seem like a genius. (Sings) # Hallelujah! Hallelujah! (Choir sings) # Hallelujah! Hallelujah! # Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!! # Hallelujah! Hallelujah! # Hallelujah. # Victor, when we put this thing to bed, you can brand the Fourth Ammendment on my butt. Thank you. Sir, excuse me. Your wife's on line one. Sean! A jet was just chartered. Anderson Airfield. Guess who paid the bill? Pollux Troy. Put our people on the plane. What about Castor? Pollux doesn't fly without big brother. Now, come on! DRAMATIC MUSIC MUSIC POUNDS POWERFULLY You're 26 minutes late. The casing didn't fit, right? Yeah, I told you Dietrich would try to pawn off some cheap shit North Korean plastic. The casing fit like a condom. You didn't deviate from the plan, did you? Pollux? I didn't want to twiddle my thumbs. I paid for the jet... to save us some time. That's what the boys are for - to hide our famous faces. If I didn't love you, I'd kill you, bro. I hate it when you call me bro. You guys are paid to protect him from everybody, including himself. Stay away from downtown on the 18th. It's gonna be a little...um...smoggy. OK, my passengers are here. I gotta go. CASTOR: Let's go. Let's go. I'm bored, let's go. Here you go. Ooh. Bravo. Would you like anything else once we're airborne? Oh. Peach. Sit. Come here. Mmm. You know, I can...uh... eat a peach for hours. Um...come here. If I were to send you flowers, where would I, uh... (Chuckles) No. Wait. Let me rephrase. If I were to let you suck my tongue... ..would you be grateful? There's someone on the runway. SIREN WAILS Get off of me! DRAMATIC MUSIC Archer. FBI! It's a very big gun. Fly the fuckin' plane. Come on. That's it. Come on. Let's go! Don't play chicken with the goddamn jet! Come on! He's got one of us. God damn it! Dammit, Sean! TYRES SQUEAL All units. Pin him in! Close it up! One of yours, Sean? BANG! Shit! BRAKES SQUEAL Out! Come on! Go! Go! God damn it, Sean! POWERFUL MUSIC Take off now. Fly! I can't! Fly, bitch! All units, locked and ready. Follow Archer's lead. BEEPING There's an engine out - we've gotta stop. DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTROL PANEL BEEPS SIRENS WAIL MAN: Move! Move! Move! Ugh! Arggh! Pollux! Arggh! Guys? ELECTRICAL CRACKLE Secure the hangar. SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CARTRIDGE CLATTERS Berkley, down! (Fires gun) GUNFIRE GUN IS COCKED DRAMATIC MUSIC GUNSHOT Give up, Castor. Your time's up. (Chuckles) Well, you'd better hit me, Sean, 'cause you've only got one bullet left. So do you. Wow. We've got something in common. We both know our guns. What we don't have in common is that I don't care if I live... and you do. Sean, that hurts. You're not having any fun, are you, Sean? I'm about to unleash the biblical plague Hell A. deserves. Or I'll give this shithole a break if my brother and I walk. Bullshit. Oh, no, I see. You think I'm bluffing. Maybe I am, but then maybe I'm not. More importantly, what would you do with me locked up? You'd drive your wife and kid crazy. How is your daughter? Is she ripening by now? Your darling Jamie, your little peach...is she ripe? (Barks) All right! GUN CLICKS OK. OK. Please, man, don't shoot me. (Laughs) I'm scared, Seanie! (Laughs) Well, I think you'd better pull the trigger. # Cos I don't give a fuck. # I'm ready ENGINE ROARS # Ready for the big ride, baby. # Ugh! Ugh! Arggh! Well, Sean, it looks like Elvis done left the building. JAMIE: It wasn't my fault. Why can't you be on my side?! I'm always on your side. You have to give me a chance. Now what? She was suspended again. Some kid made a crack about her clothes. She started a fight. That's right. Don't even ask me what happened. OK, what happened? Oh, I see. It's not like you'd believe me, anyway. Jamie, look, it's not easy, OK? I mean, look... ..you change your looks every week...and the way you act. Who are you supposed to be now? I'm supposed to be me. Not like you have a clue who I am anyway! DOOR CLOSES I have to work tonight. I called to tell you but I was on hold for 10 minutes and I couldn't wait any longer. I got him, Eve. It's over. It's over. Oh, Sean. GENTLE MUSIC I'll make it up to you and Jamie, I promise. I'll put in for a desk job, I'll do counselling, sit down, talk about Mike - I'll do it. Anything you want. I just want you. Well, good. 'Cause that's what you're gonna get. Are you happy? Yeah. (SOBS) Oh thank God. What is all this? Sir, the CIA sent this over. I didn't know they catered. Send it back. No, wait. How about...uh... ..what about to Anderson, Montgomery, Berkley... ..Pinkus, Janelly, Winters? SOLEMN MUSIC DRAMATIC MUSIC (Sniffs) How's Loomis? (Sighs) He's gonna need a little surgery, but...uh... ..yeah, he'll be OK. What's up? Special Ops. They want a word. Oh, forget it. I don't have the time. Better make time, Sean. Recovered from the jet wreckage. Found in Pollux Troy's briefcase. COMPUTER PLAYS POP MUSIC COMPUTER: Oh! Oh! DRAMATIC MUSIC Porcelain casing. Thermal cloak. Nerve gas and biological payload. It's enough to flatten a square mile. And then, depending on the prevailing winds, the fallout will be a tad worse than Gulf War Syndrome. A biblical... a biblical plague that L.A.... Arggh! Where is he? Where's Pollux Troy? Why draw the schematic if you're not going to build the bomb? POLLUX: Is it now a crime to exercise the mind? I'm not saying another word until I see my brother. Any progress? I need about 10 minutes alone with this guy. Give it a rest. You got Castor. Just go home. We're not evacuating the city on your hunch. I know Castor too well for this to be a hunch. You know what? Just run the goddamned Bureau any way you like! DRAMATIC MUSIC I could put an agent in his cell. Maybe Pollux will let it slip. No, come on. He's a paranoid sociopath. He'd only talk about that bomb to his brother. And he's dead. There is one other possibility. GRIM MUSIC Oh, God! You're keeping him alive! Relax, Archer. He's a turnip. (Groans) What if you could walk into Erehwon Prison and give Pollux a nice big brotherly hug as Castor Troy? I have no idea what you're talking about. Let me try. Malcolm Walsh. I run the Bio-cover Unit. I know who you are. But you don't know what I can do. Physical alteration, augmentation. Dr Walsh can alter the likeness, even the voice, of a government witness. I think you'll recognise this patient. We have to build your friend, Loomis, a whole new ear from scratch. What we're suggesting for you, Archer, isn't a permanent transplant like that, just a temporary trade. Come here. With the new anti-inflammatories healing takes days, not weeks. Your blood types won't match, but Pollux won't know that. Height difference is negligible. Skin pigment, eye pigment - both almost identical. We'll use laser shears for the hairline, micro-plugs for the body hair. We'll do an abdominoplasty - take care of those, er... love handles. But all that's the easy part. Here's the real science. This is a state-of-the-art morpho-genetic template. The inside is modelled on your skull, the outside exactly like Troy's. (Sighs) We fit his face on top. Not a replicant - the real thing. We connect the muscles, tear ducts and nerve endings. You want to take his face and mine? Borrow. The procedure's completely reversible. You think that I WANT to do this? No, no! There's no-one else, Sean. No! You have lived and breathed Castor Troy for years. I'll get his gang to talk. What if you can't? The bomb will blow and Castor Troy will win. 1 Get out! Go ahead! And wipe your ass! Damn! What the hell is that smell? Damn! What the hell is that smell? He shit in his pants. Where's Dietrich? Hello, Sasha. When was the last time you saw Castor Troy? Who cares? He's dead. Answer the question. I know my rights. I don't have to answer shit. But know this ` you're a convicted felon on probation for harbouring Castor Troy. One phone call from me and your son ends up in a foster home. (Sighs) I understand why you would use such a threat, but you try to take him away from me, I swear to you... I haven't seen him for years. This reeks of you. It's got your signature all over it. Maybe... but you ain't got nothing on me,... and you know it. and you know it. That may be so. But I can keep you within city limits or I can talk to your sister again. She's right outside. Only this time, I'll be nice. Hey, Sean,... how's your dead son? (Laughs) I don't know anything! I don't know anything! (Cocks gun) I heard something about the 18th. That's all I know. Great. So we've got a date. Where the hell's the damn bomb? Where the hell's the damn bomb? Only Pollux Troy'll know that. Where the hell's the damn bomb? Only Pollux Troy'll know that. It's your call, Sean. Does Lazarro know your plan? Does Lazarro know your plan? No, this is a black-bag operation, strictly off the books. You can't tell Lazarro and you can't tell your wife. Oh, God! What are you asking me to do? OK, let's see. You're asking me to break the law, risk my neck... and you're asking me to put in the dark all the people that love me and trust me. (Sighs) I'll do it. (Sighs) (Drowsily) Sean. (Kisses Sean's hand) I'm sorry I woke you. I'm glad it's you that woke me. And not a phone call telling me you won't be coming home. But that's a fear I can finally let go of, huh? Oh, it's all right, Sean. It's OK. I keep... ..I keep wanting to move this over here, you know? If it had only been an... an inch to the left, Mikey would be alive. And you wouldn't be. Sean, things are going to get better now that you're home. The scar won't move but it will heal, if you let it. Everything will be better now that... ..he's forever out of our lives. Mmm. GENTLE MUSIC Eve, what if I told you that I realise that this thing won't fully end... ..until I did one last thing? Eve? Something vital. Oh, God. You're going back on assignment again. Just one last time. Come on, Eve. "I'm not going anywhere." That's what you told me. (Groans) You don't need me to tell you what to do, Sean. So go. But go now. Sean, I'm changing my mind. This is a suicide mission. Yeah, I know. I know. You know, maybe this... if this doctor can... ..if he can do even half of what he says he can do, maybe it will work. I don't know. I become Castor Troy. I'll be in control. That's the part that scares me. (Chuckles) Doctor, I, um... there's something... I have this scar. If you can...put this back after...after all this is over. It's important to me. It's...it's like a reminder. Sure. Tito, please, hold this for me. Please. OK. Let's go. COMPUTER BEEPS HIGH-PITCHED WHINE RAPID BEEPING Ugh! EERIE MUSIC RAPID BEEPING (Softly) Oh, my God. DRAMATIC MUSIC TITO: Are you OK? Come on. Talk to me, Sean. (Weeps) No! (Sean's voice) Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Sean! Fuck you! Sean! Sean, this doesn't help. Sit down. Sit down. (Weeps) Sean! Sean Archer! You're Sean Archer! You're Sean Archer. WHOOSH! You're Sean Archer. When this is over... ..I want you to take this face... ..and burn it. I... ..I still sound like me. I've implanted a microchip on your larynx. It's fantastic, but you'll have to be careful. Pressure, a sharp blow, even a violent sneeze could dislodge it. Just repeat what you hear. CASTOR: Peach. I can eat a peach for hours. (Sean's voice) Peach. I can eat a peach for hours. There's a scratchy tickle. Mm-hm. DISTORTED VOICE: Peach. I can eat a peach for hours. (Sounding like Castor) Peach. I can eat a peach for hours. Once again. (Castor's voice) Peach. I can eat a peach for hours. Perfect. Now, Sean, six days until the 18th. The clock's ticking and so is the bomb. All right. RAPID BEEPING 1 You've got two days to get Pollux to talk. Either way, Miller comes in and pulls you out. You got me? What's the matter? What's the matter? The face itches. You all right? Come on, let's go. Archer's gonna be pissed when he returns from training and finds out... The guy's knee-deep in Georgia swamp. GRIM MUSIC METAL CREAKS You are now the property of Erehwon Prison, a citizen of nowhere. The Geneva Convention is void here. Amnesty International doesn't know we exist. When I say your ass belongs to me, I mean exactly that. ELECTRICITY HUMS This entire prison is one big magnetic field. The boots tell us where you are. 621 to population! SERENE CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ON P.A. Hey, hey, hey! What's the matter, pal? Don't you remember little people? Burke Hicks. Oh, yeah. I busted... OMINOUS MUSIC I believe Sean Archer busted you for stalking the UN Secretary General. Archer framed me. I had nothing to do with that. (Chuckles) Word was you got wasted. TENSE MUSIC You want to see what wasted looks like, little man? PRISONERS: Whooo! Pollux. Arggh! (Prisoners holler) Aghhh! GUARD: Central, there's a disturbance in the population. Go to lockdown. Hold that lockdown. Come on, you pussy! Yaaaah! Watch your fuckin' mouth. Watch your fuckin' mouth! Cos I'm Castor Troy! Yeah! I'm Castor Troy! Whoo! I'm Castor Troy! Yeah! Oh, yeah! Whoo! It's me! Yeah! Whoo! (Screams) (Hollers) YELLING BECOMES MUTED GENTLE PIANO MUSIC Lock 'em down. COMPUTER BEEPS MAGNETIC FIELD HUMS I stop the fights. Not you. (Kicks) That's two strikes for you, Dubov. One more and you know where you're going. When I get out of here... IF you get out of here. ..I'm going to have you fired. (All laugh) HEART MONITOR BEEPS REGULARLY RAPID BEEPING REGULAR BEEPING DARK DRAMATIC MUSIC EERIE MUSIC BUILDS SQUELCHING (Castor gasps and chokes) (Weeps and hollers) (Screeches) (Whimpers) Lars, it's me. Believe it. Someone... (Chokes) They took...they switched my... For some fucking... (Chokes) But it's cool. We're gonna deal with it. (Cackles hysterically) Oh, yes! We're going to deal with it! 'ACH, ICH FUHL'S' FROM 'THE MAGIC FLUTE' PLAYS What's this about? CASTOR: Dr Walsh! I was just enjoying some of your greatest hits here. Oh, I hope you don't mind. I...uh... I partook in your groovy... ..your groovy pain-killers. You know, this is fabulous work. This is...oh! (Laughs) Bravo. Bra-fucking-vo. Oh, God, this is excellent. Bravo. Bravo. What do you want? (Castor claps) Take one goddamn guess. 1 METAL BOOTS CLUNK POLLUX: I wish they'd play those salmon-spawning scenes again. I found them intensely erotic. Uh... that fucking nature channel. One more waterfall and I'm going to foam at the mouth. It's like they're begging us to riot. Excuse me. Not feeling very coordinated lately, are you? Look...bro. You've got to help me. I am so fried. If the psychos in here find out I'm misfiring, we're both going to be dead meat. Shock treatment? What's the matter with you? Did they operate? I was in a coma. Jesus, you're still so fucking paranoid! Aren't they giving you your medication in here? What was my medication? OMINOUS MUSIC Pollux, I handfed you those pills for years. Vivex. I haven't forgotten that. It's just everything else. It's my senses, my...reflexes, my memory - it...it...it's like a tab of bad Quantrex. I don't even know why that fucking yeti jumped me yesterday. Dubov? You had a sex sandwich with his wife and his sister the night he was sent here. I guess that explains why he's so upset. Wow. (Laughs) We're gonna blow up L.A., bro. Ain't it cool? Oh, right, rub my nose in it, why don't you? $10-million design and now those militia nut jobs get to keep their cash. So fucking unfair. That bomb you built does deserve an audience. It's a work of art. It belongs in the Louvre. Yes, it does. Oh, well... ..I guess the L.A. Convention Center will have to do. What? Thank you. For what? You're so fucking pathetic. DRAMATIC MUSIC WARDER: You've got a visitor. MAGNETS DRONE SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC MUSIC BUILDS AND SUBSIDES Ooh-wee, you're good-looking! You're hot! OMINOUS MUSIC It's like looking in a mirror, only not. (Sighs) Troy? Now THAT is between us, OK? But you were in...in... In a coma? (Stammers) Having your face cut off disturbs your sleep. Read the newspaper lately? DRAMATIC MUSIC You killed them? Well, it beats paying the bill, huh? Come on, I mean, if a facelift costs five grand. See anything you like?! Tito. I torched all the evidence that proves you're you, OK? So, wow - looks like you're gonna be in here for... (Sings) # ..the next hundred years. # (Groans) Now I...I have got to go. I've got a government job to abuse, and a lonely wife to fuck. Oh! Oh, did I say that? Oh, sorry. Make love to. God, I miss that face. Arggh! Die. (Screams) Die! Arggh! Ugh! WARDER: Sorry, Agent Archer. No. Don't you worry about it, Mr Walton. Clearly he's had a traumatic childhood and...uh... Thank you. INXS SONG: # What's giving you the will to live? # Is it looking for revenge? # CASTOR: Look at this place. I'm in hell. I'll probably never get a hard-on again. # Don't lose your head. # BRAKES SCREECH DOG BARKS Oh. Yes. There we go. TYRES SQUEAL Well, it was only a matter of time before you forgot where we lived. Come on, give me a break. Every house in this block looks the same. Then I spotted you. Eve. My one and only Eve. So, how was your final assignment? Which one was that? How should I know, Sean? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yes. The out-of-body experience. Yes, that one. Where are you going? Mmm? To the hospital. No. No. What's the matter? Sean, come on. No, what? Quit teasing me. Stop it. I'm still really hurt. There are leftovers in the fridge. No, no. I want to stay hungry for you...my peach. Sean, come on. What are you doing? What are you doing? Eve, I hate to see you go... but I love to watch you leave. (Laughs) (Reads) "Date night...fizzled again. "We haven't made love in two months." What a loser. (Sighs) JAMES BROWN SONG: # Come here, sister, hey! # Papa's in the swing... # I got your email, Carl. The poem you sent me was pretty kinky. # About that new breed, babe... # (Sighs) The plot thickens. # He ain't no drag... # Hang on a second. # Come here, mama... # I'll have to call you back. You're not respecting my boundaries. I'm coming in, Janie. Janie? I don't think you heard me, Jamie. You've got something that I crave. # Papa's got a brand new bag # He's doing the jerk, he's doing the fly... # Clarissa left those here. Well, I won't tell Mom if you don't. # He's doing the monkey, the mashed potato... # When did you start smoking? You'll be seeing a lot of changes around here. # Come here, sister Papa's in the swing... # Papa's got a brand new bag. (Imitates James Brown) Oww! # He ain't too hip now # But I can dig that new breed, babe # He's doing the twist Just like this... # 'Bye, bro. Drop me a line some time. It's gonna be kind of lonely with Pollux gone, huh? Pol...Pollux what? That big shit cop, Archer, cut him a deal for turning state's evidence. Your brother's been released. DRAMATIC MUSIC I'm Sean Archer. There is a bomb at the L.A. Convention Center. I'm Sean Archer and... Ow! SOMBRE MUSIC 1 (Sings) # Tira mi su. # Sir, we just wanted you to know... We're all really sorry about Tito. Oh, hey. Shit happens, you know? So, is our star witness talking? Yeah - about what kind of mustard he likes on his tongue sandwiches. If that bomb's out there, we're almost out of time. Hmm. Archer! You made the deal with Pollux Troy. It isn't like you. Oh, well. When all else fails, fresh tactics. Fresh? I'll tell you my fresh tactic - everything to do with this case goes through me, understood? Mmm. Good! Thanks. DOOR OPENS, THEN CLOSES You're supposed to be snitching and making me look good. Look good? Mm-hm. Seeing that face on you makes me afraid my tira mi su might come back up. Well, think about me. This nose, this hair, this ridiculous chin. (Sighs) Brother, we're going straight. Mmm, my goodness. Did you exchange brains as well? The first thing I need you to confess to is the location of the bomb. What about our $10 million? What about... when I become an American hero for defusing the bomb? What's that worth? Know that? Thank you. Next question. (Both chuckle) You're not the only one in the family with the brains. No. Although now I am the only one with the looks. Touche. SIRENS WAIL SIRENS WAIL This is an emergency evacuation. Any ideas? Yeah - run. Sir, it's protected by a tamper switch. It'll take us hours to bypass. Evacuate your team, Captain. No, sir, we can't... we can't disarm. Leave! SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC (Sings) # Hallelujah # Hallelujah, hallelujah # Hallelujah... # Ha...ha...ha...ha. TIMER BEEPS RAPIDLY COMPUTER: Oh, baby! Oh! SURGING MUSIC That was the scene at the LA Convention Center, where an FBI agent became a city's saviour. Sean Archer disarmed a massive bomb just one second before it was set to blow. The apparent targets were three Supreme Court justices scheduled to speak here today and anyone unlucky enough to be within a mile of the scene. We asked Agent Archer if the FBI had any leads on who planted the device. Well, that is classified information, but if he's listening, I wouldn't mind giving him a message. Interception - now our side's got the ball. Sorry. PRISONERS MUTTER ANGRILY SOMBRE MUSIC APPLAUSE APPLAUSE CONTINUES Wanda. Everybody, hey, look, I...I want to thank you for...uh...enduring all these years that I was an insufferable bore. (All chuckle) Sir, did you just have a surgical procedure? What do you mean? Well, was the stick successfully removed from your ass? (All laugh) WOMAN: Sir, the White House on one. It's the President. And your wife on line two. Well, tell the President to hold. OK. (Gasps) (Sighs) CHOPIN'S 'RAINDROP' PRELUDE (Gasps) Oh! My God! Sean, you scared the hell out of me. It's date night. Mmm. (Sighs) Congratulations. Oh, big deal. OK, I said, "Mr President, I want the authority "and I want the funds and the personnel "to take over the whole gamut of global terrorism," right? And he said, "The next name on my calling list is Lazarro. "And I'm telling him "that Sean Archer writes his own ticket," OK? (Sighs) What's the matter? I...I don't know, Sean. You just... you just seem so different. I mean, what is all this about? What? This intimate candlelight dinner? Huh? And I'm supposed to forget all the promises because you're going back into the fray? (Sighs) If the top cop in this country can't come home every night to his wife, then to hell with the country. Because the only place I'm going...is upstairs with you. Exercise. One hour. How can I get out of here? You can't. How can I get these boots off? They only take them off in the clinic - right before they fry your skull. Hey! I'm out of cigarettes. Get back in line, Troy. I said, I'm out of cigarettes. Ugh! Kick his ass! What the hell? That's not right! Arggh! (Moans) I need a light! I need a light! All right. all right. Anybody got a light?! CHEERING Anybody got a light?! (Prisoners cheer) ELECTRICITY CRACKLES WARDER: Better bring the bastard down before he chokes himself to death. Well, happy day, it's Castor Troy. Hold it. Hold it. Can I have a light? You know those things will kill you. (Chuckles) Get his boots, Walton. SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC Dubov...I didn't touch your wife... ..and I didn't touch your sister. But I know your wife loves you. She's waiting for you. So let's get out of here. Out. You're more brain dead than Dubov. (Chuckles) Ow! Out. Out. Get in there! Move this door! Look out! GUNFIRE We have men down in C-4. I got 'em. DRAMATIC MUSIC Arggh! Move! ALARM BEEPS (Both scream) Arggh! ALARM BEEPS CONTINUOUSLY Get down! (Prisoners yell) GUNFIRE Dubov! NO! Get out. AUTOMATIC-RIFLE FIRE Arggh! COMPUTER BEEPS COMPUTER BEEPS Arggh! Dubov! Now...give me your hand. Come on. You can do it. No! Arggh! No. NO! NO!! 1 Sean! Wait! What are you doing? Oh, I'm sorry. Have a nice day. Have a nice day? What is with you? Is this your way of just not dealing with this morning? Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Sean! Sean! I know it's hard for you. But it's hard for me too - and you still have to go. SAD MUSIC Happy birthday, Mikey. He took our baby, Sean. He took our little boy. (Cries) You turned your beeper off. Yes, well, my son's birthday. Well, here's some poetic justice, sir. Castor Troy is dead. He got killed trying to escape from Erehwon. Where's his body? I want to see his body. It hasn't been recovered yet. IT HASN'T BEEN RECOVERED YET?! Get the LAPD on this! Even if he is alive, Castor isn't stupid enough to come back to the city. You must...you must trust me. He's already here. CAR LOCK BEEPS (Starts car) WOMAN: County General. How may I direct your call? Dr Archer, please. It's an emergency. May I say who's calling? Her husband. WOMAN: Dr Archer, call on line 3. (Voice vibrates) I know this sounds crazy but... Shit! Sean? Eve, listen carefully. The man you think is your husband isn't. Who is this? Please, just listen! Take Jamie, go to your mother's. Don't tell him where you're going. Whoever you are, don't call again. MAN: Operations. I need Victor Lazarro immediately. Regarding? I have information about Castor Troy. I'll transfer you, sir. Sean Archer here. Who's calling? Well, if you're Sean Archer, I guess I'm Castor Troy. Ah, yes. RADIO NEWSREADER: This escaped convict is considered extremely dangerous. If you have any information concerning the whereabouts of Castor Troy... (Turns radio off) SHORT BURST OF SIREN You're goddamn right! Yeah! This shit's so good it's gonna make your dick harder. Huh? Cheryl! Cheryl's a liar. Dietrich. So you're still selling drugs to Cheryl and Phil Roy? (Laughs jubilantly) Castor fucking Troy! Oh, man! You scared me, man! All right. All right! I never should have sold you those bombs. It's my curse - I can't say no to a friend. You can't say no to money. My other curse. Drug dealer! What's the matter? You look like you fucked your mother. Come on, let's go. SONG: # I met a Christian in Christiansands # A devil in Helsinki... # Hey! # I met a Christian in Christiansands... # (Laughs) # A devil in Helsinki... # (Voice distorts) I can't believe this! Castor Troy! (Voice distorts) What are you doing? HOOTING LAUGHTER Hey, baby! Remember me? I'm Kimberley. Oh, I thought I was your favourite. # When you talk, you make me cringe... # MAN: Look at this guy. You know, you look pretty good for a dead guy. Hey! # I met a Christian in Christiansands... # Let's go. Yeah. So what do you want to do? You want to get out of the country? I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to get Sean Archer. With your help. OK. Welcome home, baby. EERIE MUSIC Oho! How are we supposed to do that? He's vulnerable at home. No. This is Sean Archer we're talking about, not just some boy scout. Fitch... No. Besides, his house is probably alarmed up to the whazoo. The code is 10-19-86. That's his dead son's birthday. Don't it just break your heart? That's brilliant. FITCH: That's sick. (Women laugh mockingly) How is it that you know so much about Sean Archer? Uh...I...uh... ..sleep with his wife. GENERAL LAUGHTER What? Jesus Christ! This is great! So once we kidnap super cop, then what? A tiny surgery. I'd like to take his...his face... ..off. Yes. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to use the little boy's wee-wee room. Cas. You want to take his... ..face? Yes. His face...off! Eyes. Nose. Skin. It's coming off. The face... ..off. No more drugs for that man. DRAMATIC MUSIC EERIE MUSIC You're not me. I'm me. Not me. ME! Castor or Sean? Castor or Sean? I thought you were dead. I'm not dead. I'm me. What I'm trying to tell you, brother - Pollux - is once we get the full protection and resources of the government, we'll get rid of our rivals, then we'll be set. Then maybe, just maybe, I'll get my frigging face back. Then I'll just have one jag-off to take care of. Hey, where are you going? Where are you going? Karl, stop it. Maybe two. Hang on. Karl, stop it! Calm down! Karl! Calm down! My dad's home! Happy hunting. I'll catch you later. Yeah, like Mr fucking Invisible gives a shit about you. Fucking hold still! Calm down! Karl! Say you're sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't hear it. I'm sorry! Mean it. I'm so sorry. Dress up like Halloween and ghouls will try to get in your pants. Typical, Dad. Some guy tries to rape me and I'm to blame. This isn't you. (Sighs) No, you haven't been the same since Mike died. Hiding behind someone else's face. Hoping you wouldn't feel the pain. While we're talking, do you have protection? What? You mean like condoms? DRAMATIC MUSIC Protection. Next time, let Karl take his pants down. Slip this in his thigh, twist it so the wound won't close. Now, go on. Get out of here. I am the king. (Sighs) (Sighs) Eve. (Cries out) Jesus! Cas! It's me. It's me. Cas. Shh. Come on. It's me. Jesus! Come on. Wh...wh... Don't you want to talk? The only talk I ever heard from you is "Suck my tongue." Take this filthy shit off, put this on and get out of here. I'm not going anywhere. Oh, really? Do you expect me, after all this time, just to jump on you? That's not... Is that what you expect? That's not what I meant. What did you mean? Is this what you meant? Hmm? That? That? How about this? Mmm. Is that good? Huh? OMINOUS MUSIC PHONE RINGS Sean Archer. Bro, I figured he might drop in on some of our old friends. And I think this fellow's beginning to enjoy being you. Good. (Grunts) Look, look, look! OK! Look, look... ..Sasha. (Pants) What I meant is, uh... ..that I'm not going anywhere until your brother helps me first. Oh, Cas. If the FBI finds out that you're here, I'll lose my son. Please, Cas, you just gotta go. POIGNANT MUSIC I've said and done some things that made your life harder. I know. How would you? When you left, you never looked back. I...I just know. Look, Sasha, I'm not the same person you remember. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry. Nice-looking clothes. Yeah, of course. They're yours. I know, I... Just like... That's a nice-looking kid too. Yeah. Of course. He's yours too. GUNS COCK How old is he? Five. Nobody knows he's yours. I was scared someone would try to hurt him just to hurt you. Adam! Adam! I don't want you playing with those things. They're very, very dangerous, OK? Now, come on, sweetie. I want you to meet your father. Look at him, it's OK. Say hi. Hi. POIGNANT MUSIC MICHAEL'S LAUGHTER ECHOES Hi. Michael. Michael! Michael? Cas! Cas... Michael. Cas, you're scaring him! Let him go. What is the matter with you? GUNSHOT Get down! DRAMATIC MUSIC OK, red team, red team, break off! How did you get to be so brave? How did you get to be so brave? MAN: Come out now with your hands up! Put these on. Yeah. That's a good idea. Listen to your music. Come on. Come out now! SONG ON WALKMAN: # Somewhere... # MAN: Go, go, go! Cops. I hate cops. Come on, kid. Move! Move! Go! Go now! # I'll wish upon a star # And wake up... # Get out of here! Don't shoot! Damn, my place is getting fucked up. 1 (SCREAMS) Take him. Cas! Cas! Give me the boy! I'm really, really cross! Oh, shit! Come on! Come on! Let's go. Go on now, go! Cas, be careful with him! Don't be scared, all right? All right? # Somewhere over the rainbow... # GUNFIRE CONTINUES # Skies are blue # And the dreams that you dare to dream # Really do come true # Some day I'll wish upon a star # And wake up where the clouds are far behind me # Birds fly over the rainbow # Why, then, oh, why can't I? # (Screams) Adam! Get him out back. Go! Go! Go! Put the boy down. Honey, sweetie, don't touch that. It isn't nice! I never want to see you do that. Ha ha! They're like cockroaches! Hey, drop it. (Drops gun) That's it. Buzz. I told him not to fuck with me. OMINOUS MUSIC (Cocks gun) Take the boy and get out of here. Are you all right? GO! Hurry up. Hey, man. We had some good times, didn't we? (Groans) (Sighs) I don't know what I hate wearing worse - your face or your body. I mean, I enjoy boning your wife, but, um, well, let's face it, we both like it better the other way, yes? So why don't we just trade back? You can't give back what you've taken from me. Oh, well. Plan B. Let's just kill each other. EERIE MUSIC (Grunts) Ugh! (Screams) Arggh! (Screams) DULL THUD SOLEMN MUSIC (Moans softly) Sir, why are you so upset? It's just Pollux Troy. SOLEMN MUSIC CONTINUES Sir, look. You're on the cover of 'Time'. Listen - "In a single week, Agent Sean Archer "has ordered a stunning series of blitzkrieg-style raids "on the hideouts, staging grounds and safe houses "of our nation's assassins..." Sean. Look, we're friends. I'm gonna tell you face-to-face - I don't care if you're 'Time''s Man of the Year - after last night's bloodbath, I'm terminating your war on terrorists. (Groans) Is that...uh...because I'm getting all the kudos and you're not? I don't know where you're getting your intelligence. It's not from field agents. I think you know too much. Washington's starting to worry. Justice wants a hearing. They're concerned about the constitutionality of your Gestapo tactics and frankly, so am I! (Clutches chest) OK, Victor, I'll give the...uh... taxpayers a break, but...um... ..I have something I want to confess. I don't think you're going to like it. I AM Castor Troy. Arggh! Arggh! (Sighs) Kimmy. Kim. Yes, sir? Call the paramedics. Victor Lazarro's had a heart attack. Oh, God. Right away. Thank you. (Sighs) DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE 81. (Exhales deeply) SUBDUED MUSIC Home. Eve. DRAMATIC MUSIC Eve! No, honey. Please...please don't scream. Don't scream. I'm not going to hurt you. (Gasps) Don't...don't...don't. Shh. Shh. Don't...don't look at my face. And the voice. Don't listen. Just... No. You killed my son! Shh! I did not kill our son. Shh. I'm Sean. (Gasps) The last time I saw you... ..was in this room. We had a fight, when I said I had to go away again. I spent the night in Mike's old bed. I'm tired, Eve. The assignment was to enter a federal prison as Castor Troy. It's fucking insane. And a special op surgeon... ..gave me...Castor's...FACE! Then...uh...and then somehow Castor came out of his...uh... his coma. (Laughs) And killed everybody who knew about the mission. But...but not before transforming into me. GENTLE MUSIC (Sniffs) (Screams) I know you don't believe a word I'm saying. Well, here's proof, Doctor. Your husband, me, my, Sean's blood type is O negative. Castor's is AB. And I love you. GENTLE MUSIC DOOR CLOSES 1 Get some backup. OMINOUS MUSIC What a day. You look tense. I know I've been acting different lately...strange. I've got a confession to make, Eve. You're not going to like it. Oh, Eve, I feel... I feel so close to you. I read your diary. I know I shouldn't have. I'm ashamed. But I did. I just want to be the man that you deserve - passionate and tender. Victor Lazarro died today. He had a heart seizure. My mentor - gone. (Sighs) Oh, first Tito, then Victor. So what? I hope this doesn't mean I'm losing you. Of course not. You're the only family I've got. SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC MUSIC BUILDS DRAMATIC MUSIC Oh, God! (Gasps) I was hoping you'd come here. Thank you for trusting me. Right now...I don't trust anyone. Eve, wh...where did you get that gun? I took it from my fake husband. Put it down. You know I'm Sean. Do I? Maybe Sean's already dead, huh? I'm moving very slowly. Very slowly. (Gasps) GENTLE MUSIC Oh. (Sobs) (Laughs) I was thinking the other day... I remember, I once took a date out for surf and turf, not knowing she was a vegetarian. So, she ate bread...and...uh... broke her tooth on a rye seed. We drove around all night... ..looking for a... for a all-night dentist. And he...uh...he was so drunk he fixed the wrong tooth. (Laughs emotionally) And when I finally brought her home... ..even though it must've hurt like hell... ..you...you...you kissed me. (Moans) (Whispers) Sean. That man... You know, we've been living together as man and wife for a week. Yeah, I... (Sobs) I know. Eve...Eve, I put you in that position and...and I...I... I can never make it up to you. Well, you're damn well gonna try. Let me take a look at the wound before you bleed to death. With Lazarro out of the way, Castor's the new Acting Director at the Bureau. He's untouchable. Not tomorrow. Tomorrow he'll be at Victor's service. Tomorrow - that will be the day. DRAMATIC MUSIC I want you and Jamie away from there. Give him an excuse. I can cover for Jamie, but if I'm not coming, he'll know something's up. Besides, I'm the only one who can try and explain the truth. WOMAN: Excuse me, Mr Archer, may I help you? P.A.: Dr Levine to X-ray. SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC MUSIC BUILDS DRAMATIC MUSIC Sean, what are you doing here? Sorry, darling. I just get so...so jealous. I... What is a guy to think, when his... ..his wife runs off in the night? That I'm on call. Please let me get back to work. Sorry. Lies, distrust, mixed messages - this is turning into a real marriage. OMINOUS MUSIC How's...Adam? I took him to my cousin's until this whole thing blows over. Where's Jamie? That's what I'd like to know. She stole $50 from my purse and took off. So what's the next move? This isn't your fight. Oh, come on. You're surprised? Our daughter won't even visit Michael's grave - you think she gives a damn about your boss? He killed my brother - I'm not going to let him take you too. SOLEMN MUSIC Whatever happens, I promise...Sean Archer is off your back for good. 1 SEAGULLS SQUAWK PRIEST: My dear friends, we are here to celebrate the life of Victor Lazarro. (Reads in Latin) CHOIR SINGS SOFTLY MALE CHOIR SINGS LATIN HYMN FEMALE VOICES JOIN CHOIR (Whispers) Somebody gave this to me to give to you. CHOIR SINGS In peace now, let us take our brother Victor to his place of rest. FOOTSTEPS ECHO CASTOR: Om. Domino...(pretends to speak Latin) (Sarcastically) Isn't this religious? (Gasps) Ah, yes. The eternal battle between good and evil, saint and sinner. But you're still not having any FUN! (Chuckles) Ooh. Honey. Honey. (Chuckles) Come here. (Sighs) Ah. And guess what? Your daughter's on the way. History repeats itself. This is between us. Leave them out of it. No. You should've left them out of it. Your son was an accident - I wanted to kill you. But you took it so personally. Why didn't you just kill yourself or let it go? No father could. No brother could either. Neither could his sister. Hey, baby. Sasha, what the fuck are you doing here? Gee, Archer, I guess I'm crashing. Are you OK, baby? Yeah. Thanks. Sasha, baby, I'm Castor. That's Archer. And I'm bored. (Sighs) Put the fucking gun down. MAN: Why don't you put your guns down? OMINOUS MUSIC (Laughs) Whee! (Laughs) What a predicament. (Laughs) SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC Arggh! GENTLE MUSIC Take care of our boy. I love him so much. Don't let him grow up to be like us, promise? Yeah. Say yeah. GENTLE MUSIC Mom? (Screams) (Whimpers) (Screams) Ohhh! Jamie! (Screams) Jamie, don't! (Screams) Hello? Wanda? This is Eve Archer. I have something crazy to tell you. Ugh! It's a capital crime to try to kill an ex-FBI boss, yes? (Distorting voice) Yes. Ah, yes! The penalty... What? (Sean's voice) The penalty is death! Die! Please, God! Die! Hold it! Ah! Good girl, Jamie! Shoot him! Don't listen to him, honey. He's not your father. Hear my voice. I'm your father. Use your eyes, Jamie. Shoot him! Don't listen to him! Don't shoot! This scumbag shot your brother, Jamie. Kill him! Arggh! You clod! No daughter of mine would shoot so wide. (Feminine accent) Dad, put the gun down! Put it down. Dad, put it down. Now we're going to find out what's in Papa's bag... ..peaches! (Whimpers) Say goodbye to Papa! (Grunts) Arrrggghhhh! Jamie! (Fires gun) SIREN WAILS (Wails) Jamie! Jamie, are you all right? Oh, my God! Sir, are you OK? (Gasps) APPROACHING SIRENS (Weeps) Someone please tell me what planet I'm on! Arggh! Get down! ENGINE ROARS ENGINE REVS FOGHORN BOOMS (Fires gun) (On loudspeaker) Stop! This is the police! Stop immediately or we'll be forced to open fire! Fire! Fire! (Screams) (Cries out) Arggh! (Screams) Go! MUSIC BUILDS Oh, shit! (Groans) SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC FLAMES CRACKLE SOFTLY Ohhh! Arggh! (Screams) Arggh! (Screams) (Pants) (Gasps) You're right, Sean. I've misbehaved. I need to be punished. But remember, every time you look in the mirror, you'll see my face. Ugh! Die! (Grunts softly) (Sings) # I'm ready # Ready for the big ride # Baby... # SIRENS WAIL POLICE RADIO CHATTER Are you OK, Archer? LIGHT MUSIC What did you call me? He called you Archer, sir. EVE: Sean! They're bringing in their top surgical team from DC. You're going to be OK. SIREN BLARES (Weeps) GENTLE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC When you wake up, everything will be restored just the way it was. My scar. The one near my heart. This old bullet wound. I won't need it any more. OK. GENTLE MUSIC MUSIC BUILDS Dad? Dad. I'm sorry I shot you. I've got something I have to ask both of you. Just... This is, um...Adam... ..and he needs a place to live. Hi. My name's Jamie. I'm Adam. Why don't you show Adam his new room? Come on. OK. ORCHESTRAL MUSIC www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air.