We have one of the highest rates of imprisonment in the Western world. 20,000 of our kids have a parent behind bars. What's it like when they're on the inside and you're on the outside? Tonight ` Joshua is 25 years old and behind bars. After almost beating a man to death, he was sentenced to prison for eight and a half years. He head-butted me and grabbed hold of my head and just smashed it ` just a full on head-butt, boom. His crimes have torn his family apart. Unfortunately we have to say he's in prison. Grandmother Carolyn is now his only support behind bars. But with terminal cancer, Carolyn has just months to live. I want to see him here in this house before I've left this earth. Can Carolyn pull her family together and convince someone to take her place? And will her final wish to see her grandson out of prison happen? Captions by Desney Shaw. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2014 ROCK MUSIC 63-year-old Carolyn is the only family member supporting her grandson Joshua in prison. Her husband, Steve, and daughter Donna have walked away. It was one night in 2009 that changed their lives forever. Joshua, then 22 years old, had been drinking in Foxton and was walking home with a friend. Suddenly, Joshua snapped. In a frenzied attack and wearing steel-capped boots, he began brutally beating his friend. The man was left fighting for his life. Joshua was found by police and arrested. His grandmother Carolyn was one of the first to find out. I got a text from somebody, and they said, 'Joshua's been arrested,' and I went, 'What? 'What do you mean Joshua's been arrested?' Carolyn immediately called her daughter Donna, Joshua's mother. I got a phone call from mum to say that Joshua had been arrested. And my mind just went 50 to the dozen. I wanted to vomit. I read the headlines. It was like reading something out of Once Were Warriors. You know, when you watch that movie, your stomach just... it hurdles. And it's like reading a story about somebody that you don't know. And how could somebody do that? Held in custody on remand until his trial, Joshua pleaded guilty to grievous bodily harm and in 2011 was sentenced to eight years and six months. There's my brother, Josh. He's the man. Joshua was a troubled young man with a history of violence and emotional problems. Before the latest bashing, he had 17 previous convictions, including six for violent offences. You'll get a hiding if you don't be quiet. SIREN WAILS Many of the family have distanced themselves from Joshua, but grandmother Carolyn refuses to give up on him. We've always had quite a close bond. And, um,... always come to Grandma. Three weeks ago, Carolyn was diagnosed with cancer. They said, 'I'm sorry, girl.' He says... nothing they can do. They said, 'You've got it in the liver and the lungs.' Carolyn's been given only months to live, and so she's written a bucket list of things to do before she dies. First on the list is seeing her grandson Joshua home one last time. Second is bringing the family together and convincing someone to be Joshua's support on the outside. She is starting with a unique event. I decided to call it a tangi. People say, 'Why are you calling it a tangi?' I said, 'I won't be here for my tangi.' So we called it a hangi tangi. He mihi nui ki a koutou. Thank you for coming along to Carolyn's hakari, hangi. It's one of her bucket list things. Carolyn's hoping this special gathering is the first step in getting the family back together. With her cancer spreading, she's started campaigning for her number one wish ` to see grandson Joshua at home one last time. Writing to the Minister of Justice and the Department of Corrections, Carolyn's applying to get her grandson released from prison on a compassionate visit. I want to be here for Joshua to come here to the house and visit while I'm still able to see him. In exceptional circumstances, such as funerals or illness, prison families can apply to have a prisoner released for a short, agreed amount of time. This is called a compassionate visit, and the family pays for the visit themselves. With letters sent, Carolyn now waits to find out if a visit's been granted. Over in Levin, the next town, Carolyn's daughter Donna, a solo mother, is struggling to deal with Joshua, the oldest of her four children, being in prison. She's still haunted by his violent behaviour growing up. He just liked pulling things apart. My hairdryer ` it was, like, about` I think it was a 80-something dollar hairdryer a few years ago ` and he just wouldn't tell me, you know, where it was. I asked everybody where it was, and... yeah, and I found it, and it was pulled apart. He was quite bitter towards me regarding his upbringing. He kept blaming my parenting skills on the way he's turned out. But he's never stopped and thought about the consequences of his actions. I was quite scared of him. At one stage he head-butted me. I threw a cup, intending to smash it, and Joshua just came in, and he took his anger out on me. Grabbed hold of my head and just smashed it into his ` just a full-on head-butt. Boom. Grabbed hold of my head and just (GRUNTS) head-butt. Boom. Grabbed hold of my head and just (GRUNTS) (CRIES OUT) When our marriage broke up, he didn't have a hell of a lot to do with his dad, and when he did, you know, there was a lot of frustration there. Um,... yeah, it's just the typical dysfunctional family. Today, on Carolyn's request, Donna is about to visit Joshua in prison. Uh, we won't be too long, Mum. Uh, we'll give it 20 minutes. Scared of her son in the past, and after a distressing first prison visit, Donna's stayed away. This visit will be the first time Donna's seen Joshua since then. When I got up from the visiting chair, I walked, and I walked away from him for 10, 12,... about 16... 16 to 18 months. You know, he would write. and I wouldn't return any letters. She's not sure what to expect. Wee bit nervous, because I know that emotions are gonna be pretty high. Cos when, um, Mum starts getting upset, it's, like, oh, just... trying to keep my emotions intact. Yeah, cos otherwise we gonna just be a big blubbering mess. As Donna prepares to see her son behind bars again, her younger son Jordan is about to come home to see his grandmother, and the family find out if the compassionate visit's been granted. and grabbed hold of my head and just smashed it ` just a full on head-butt, boom. Joshua is behind bars for a brutal bashing. He's at the beginning of an eight-year sentence. Joshua's crimes have torn the family apart. And his sole supporter on the outside, grandmother Carolyn, has only months to live. Today, Carolyn's asked daughter Donna to visit Joshua in prison. This will be only the second time she's visited him, and she doesn't know what to expect. Donna's sort of a bit fearful of Joshua. But I think as a parent you've just got to get over it. They're your kids, for heaven's sake. Right, we're at Mum's place now. For the visit this morning, Donna's taking Carolyn and Steve, Carolyn's husband. The three will drive for over an hour to Whanganui Prison. And here's Milo. Hey. And here's Milo. Hey. Hello. And here's Milo. Hey. Hello. How is it? You got her ready today? Yes. You got her ready today? Yes. Yay. (CHUCKLES) Did you sleep all right? Yes. Yay. (CHUCKLES) Did you sleep all right? No. Yay. (CHUCKLES) Did you sleep all right? No. Why? Oh, up and down, up and down all night. You gonna put your seat belt on? Right, you comfortable enough? You gonna put your seat belt on? Right, you comfortable enough? Yep. Let's roll. Rock and rolling. Rock and rolling. You haven't seen him for three years. Three years? About 16 months, Mother. Donna's had a turbulent relationship with her mother growing up. As Donna reached her teenage years, Carolyn sent her away. She was the Cheryl out of Outrageous Fortune. That was my mum. She was way cool. You know, I was hanging around with girls that liked boys too much. At the age of... 11, I was shipped to my grandparents in Lower Hutt, and going to my grandparents was like I was kept on a leash. Going back to Mum, I felt like a wild animal that was let off the leash. (SHOUTS WITH JOY) Whoa! The handbrake! The family enter the prison. They will be allowed 60 minutes with Joshua. An hour later, the visit is over. Donna is reminded of the distressing first time she saw Joshua. It's just sad, just really sad. You go and see them, and they walk out, and... they've got the orange suits on. I just put my hand over my mouth, and I just started crying. Today's visit however is encouraging. Donna was able to talk to Joshua and felt he'd changed, but taking on Carolyn's role is a difficult prospect. Joshua was so beaming, he's so happy, he's so content. Mm. But leaving him, it's like a` quite a sombre mood. The future for Joshua and I ` that we can get back on track, we can be mother and son and be a family again. Its been a week since the visit with Joshua. Carolyn's health is deteriorating. Donna's younger son, Jordan, who works in sales, is here for the weekend from Australia. This morning, its 22-year-old Jordan's turn to take Carolyn to the hospital for a medication check. Like many of the family, Jordan has distanced himself from his older brother, Joshua. I haven't talked to him since... probably March last year. He has sent me a few letters, um, and I've sent him a couple of cards for his birthdays. Personally, it is quite embarrassing, um, especially for the family, knowing that we do have someone in prison, where I would like to... well, I'd actually like to turn around and say, well, he's farming, for an example, um, he's in the army, like he's been trying to. But unfortunately we have to say he's in prison. Like Jordan and mum Donna, Carolyn's husband, Steve, has found Joshua too difficult to deal with. But after last week's successful visit, Steve's made a huge decision about Joshua's future. Joshua was not Steve's best friend. My husband's got a bit of a hard, sort of, exterior. And I was thinking, 'Oh, how am I going to- how am I going to ask him this?' And I said, 'I want you to let Joshua to come home here... 'when he gets out.' And he goes, 'Done, fine.' I could've fallen over. I was, um, very impressed. Um, he's changed... drastically from being a... rather airheaded teenager into quite a personable young man now. Now I've seen how much he's changed, his personality, I'm quite happy for him to come here. And he's done a lot of certificates in horticulture, so, I mean, I think we will have something in common as well. Now I know that I` when I'm not going to be here, he's going to be looked after by somebody I trust. Today grandson Jordan's returning to Australia. He knows this may be the last time he sees his grandmother. She does mean a lot to me. Yeah, what can I say? She's... I love her. I don't want you crying! I love her. I don't want you crying! Nah, I don't cry. I love her. I don't want you crying! Nah, I don't cry. Come on, my darling. Good to see you, anyway. See ya. One week later, a letter arrives from the prison. Paper and a letter from Josh. it could contain news about Carolyn's request for a compassionate visit from Joshua. and grabbed hold of my head and just smashed it ` just a full on head-butt, boom. Carolyn Gilbert has terminal cancer. She's been told she has only months to live. Her grandson Joshua is behind bars for a violent bashing and is less than halfway through a long prison sentence. With husband Steve agreeing to take on Joshua in her place, Carolyn has her number one wish left to fulfil ` seeing grandson Joshua out of prison and back home one last time. They're about to find out if this wish has been granted. READS: 'Dear, Grandma and Steve. Hello. Smiley face. 'I'm still in the same...' I can't read that. Do you want me to try? READS: 'Grandma, um, it looks as though the 27th is when we're... 'when I'll be coming for my home leave to see you, 'since it's getting closer to you not being able to come up to see me. 'So it's all in the pipeline, 'and you will be notified as soon as possible.' Yee! In a week's time, Joshua will return home in a prison van, fully supervised and handcuffed to a guard at all times. Carolyn and the family will have less than two hours with him, and they will have to pay for the visit. I think $272 to bring him home is quite a bonus. Seeing Josh here and sitting in our furniture and feeling like he's at home, and he can go outside and look at the plants, cos everything is so changed since he's been away. Carolyn's already started planning and wants to cook her grandson his favourite foods. We'll be able to go out and get the meat and whatever else we need. What are you cooking? We'll be able to go out and get the meat and whatever else we need. What are you cooking? Gonna cook him` Donna's gonna cook him a roast lunch. Oh, OK. Gonna cook him` Donna's gonna cook him a roast lunch. Oh, OK. A roast hogget, cos he likes his hogget apparently. With Joshua's special visit home now less than a week away and her mother very unwell, Donna's feeling the strain, and she's made a drastic change. My new haircut. I felt like a change. And it's sort of like a` helps me de-stress. I do it to, um,... hide my feelings. I'm always changing it. You know how you've got the druggies and you've got the people that drink when they're stressed and whatnot. I dye my hair. And I cut my hair. After son Joshua's arrest three years ago, Donna felt people were talking about her wherever she went. I was living here in Levin when Joshua was arrested. I felt I was quite paranoid going anywhere, cos I always thought somebody was looking at me and judging me, but I think it was just having a paranoid mind. It was horrible, because you had no power, you couldn't do anything. SIREN WAILS Overnight and with only days to go until Joshua's due home, Carolyn is rushed to hospital. Her health is deteriorating. BIRDS CHIRP, ROOSTER CROWS It's early, and it's not been an easy time. Carolyn pulled through and is back home. Donna's frazzled and changed her hair again. The week's been` Oh, it's been horrible. Mum was basically rushed to hospital. And with cancer, that's normally the final part of it. It was a bit of a shock to see how quickly she could go downhill with an infection. I mean, I guess I should've expected it. Carolyn's weak, but with new medication, she's feeling better. With a limited time frame to work with, Donna and Steve are making sure the food's ready as soon as Joshua arrives. The family have planned a mid-winter Christmas dinner, and they're frantically racing to get it all done. It has to be ready just about right, because he's only got about an hour with us, cos they're allowing an hour and a quarter travelling time each way. And it's only a three and a half hour visit, so you've only got about an hour to eat` eat his lunch. Oh whoa! With her granddaughter to help, Carolyn's feeling well enough today to go for a walk while she's waiting for the prison van to arrive. I think we should probably brush 'em or wipe one. Have you put that on yet? Fruit salad and Donna's own ambrosia ` supposed to be the elixir of the gods, I think. It just means so much to Mum ` the fact that this will be the last time they'll be in the same house together, cos when he gets out, she'll be long gone. 11.26. Well, he's half` half hour away. Joshua arrives 20 minutes later. He's handcuffed to guards and is allowed 90 minutes with his family. I saw him coming up. He just got out of the car, because he was handcuffed. So he got out, and I just sort of cuddled him, and he cuddled me and... But I'm pleased. I'm happy he's gone away here happy ` happy that he's been here. But I'm pleased. I'm happy he's Can you actually see them, Mum? he's been here. But I'm pleased. I'm happy he's Can you actually see them, Mum? I can see them. We're a bit serious. Anyone would think we were in jail. (LAUGHS) With her final wish granted, Carolyn's content. Captions by Desney Shaw. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2014