Once in every night time, someone comes around. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) (MENACINGLY) I'm coming to get you. No! There's someone that makes sleeping difficult! (GIGGLES) (GROWLING) Cassie... I'm coming! Who's there? The Tickle Monster. No! That's right, Sylvester Stallone is... ..the Tickle Monster. (IMPERSONATES) I'm gonna tickle you. What? I'm gonna tickle you. What? I'm gonna tickle you! (LAUGHS) Tickle her! Daddy, help! I'm here, Cassie. Unhand my daughter, Tickle Monster! Oh! Oh! Hand to hand! Ah. Look, over there! Go, Daddy! Go! Ah...! Yay! Is she still up? Yeah. I just gave her a warm bath and now she's more awake than I am. Oh, she won't be so sharp for her big meeting tomorrow! Good night, sweetie. Night, Mommy. If I can get Carl to sleep in the next 10 minutes, you might still have a shot. Use a mallet if you have to. Daddy? Yeah, baby? I'm never gonna get married. Why not? It's not as bad as it looks. Because I always want to live here with you. Well, you know, one day, you're gonna grow up, meet a wonderful guy and get married. But you and I will always be best friends. Good night, Cassie. (HORNS BEEP) Dad, could you be more of a dork? Cass, you know where this girl lives or you just think you know? I just know the one way to get there and you refuse to go that way. Because it's a stupid way. If you consider getting there stupid. Use the navigation thing. Sacagawea back there doesn't know the address. She knows it as "the one next to the one with the fountain". Cassie just gave you the finger. If we don't find this house... There it is! Honey, hurry up. Go get your friend. Jerk. I heard that. Good. (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Where are they? She just left. OK. Which friend is this? The nice one? You used to know all her friends. You were funny and charming. She's 15. She doesn't want me to be charming. She finds it creepy. Oh, no. It's the "too nice" one. Hi. Thanks for inviting me. Cassie's friends are always welcome. We're a little late. (TYRES SCREECH) Congratulate Todd on the Alpine Soda merger. Tell him the house looks great. Work in something about his outfit... And lick his face? No! Don't even shake his hand. Oh, right. Mr stupid germ phobia. Yeah. There they are! Old Bob! Bobcat. Teabag. Hi, Todd. I... Hi. Well, congratulations on Alpine Soda. Bob said you'd do it. Yeah. God, Jamie, if my ex-wife looked as good as you, I'd still be in the middle of a horrible marriage! (LAUGHS) Thank you, Todd. What a lovely... compliment. Oh, there's Laird. Laird. So, that's the young hotshot? Yeah. Harvard MBA. We're planning to kill him. You want in? Cassie! There he is... Old Laird. You know what'd be great? You getting me shrimp! (LAUGHS) Not joking. Oh. Cass, go say hi to Todd. What for? He likes you. I'll give you 20 bucks. Can I come? I read about him online. OK. OK. OK. Hi, Mr Mallory. Good to see you again. Er...? Oh, Cassie Munro. Oh. Cassie... Wow, you turned into quite the young lady. Thank you. This is my friend, Gretchen. Hi, Gretch. Hi. Aren't you the one who got Pure Vibe sodas put into public schools? Cassie's dad helped. He's head of corporate relations. But I am el Presidente. Wow. So, you're, like, personally responsible for destroying children's health? Gretchen. I wouldn't say that. Obesity, diabetes, cholesterol... The fat of our youth is on your hands. Wallow in it. Ooh! (ALL GASP) Thank you. I had a very nice time. Keep it real. Don't. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY) Yo, home slice, can you chill on the def jam? You're boiling my vibe! You're boiling my vibe! Respect. Cass, can we talk? God, what? Nothing, my bad. Father, evil... I forgot that. How are you doing? Are you alright? No, not really. Get a skin peel. Feels like that. Cassie's so abrasive... Bob just came in. I'll call you back. My sister. Oh. Did you talk to Cassie? Yeah, I tried. I'm still bleeding a little bit. She didn't know Gretchen'd do that. No, she didn't know her friend would throw a vat of schmaltz on my boss. Wine or martini? Both, with a Prozac back. OK. Remember when it used to be "Daddy's home!"? Now, nothing. We watch TV in four separate rooms, IM each other when dinner's ready. Well, then let's change things. Let's start while we're in Hawaii. No laptop, Blackberry, business calls Let's really go. Do what? You won't see them for the rest of the summer. Carl's got camp. And Cassie's got college prep in Palo Alto. That's right. They leave the day after we get back. It'll be the same in Hawaii. They'll call when they need money. I'm glad we're going. And don't worry so much about work. Todd loves you. You're indispensable. I'm afraid not. Laird's gonna get my job. He's younger, smarter, cheaper. What did you say? Nothing. Here you go. To true love. Hawaii's gonna be great. Yeah. You gotta cancel Hawaii. Why? We hit a snag in the Alpine merger. Since yesterday? A brother got seller's remorse. Garry? Larry. Garry's for it. Show him money, he quacks like a duck. Larry's nervous. If I tell my wife we're not going to Hawaii, bury me ass-up so you have a place to park your bike. Bob. Todd? Bob. Todd. Bob. Bob. Mm-hm? This crisis has saved your job. Really? After yesterday, I figured I gotta fire you just to maintain some respect around here. But, in light of this Alpine thing, I still need you. Bless you, Todd. I need a new presentation. I'll write it in Hawaii and zap it to you. Laird can write it. If I tell him to, he'll live in the office. He'll shower in the water cooler. But you've got one thing he hasn't. Soul. No. You're good in a meeting. You've got the chutzpah. Oh. I want you to write it here and then I need you at the meeting to put this thing over. Yeah. So no Hawaii. No. Boulder, Colorado. Friday. Just move your Hawaii dates. Can't. The kids are booked all summer. You have to go to Boulder. Agreed. But after the divorce, I'm coming after Jamie hard. Bring jewellery. If you get Jamie, can I have Elaine? You want Elaine? Better than nothing. (LAUGHS) Trust me, it's not better. She's still mad at me for that vacation last year. She figures it's why I didn't get promoted. The RV trip. RV trip? Oh, the RV famous trip. Can we see the pictures again? Wait a minute. Nobody move. Did you rent that RV? Mom, some idiot just parked this ugly RV outside our house! What? Oh, my God, it's your husband! Oh, hi. What is that? It's an RV. It's an RV. Why is it in front of our house? We're taking it on vacation. To Hawaii? No, it doesn't float. Colorado. What happened to Hawaii? Hawaii's a winter destination! It's summer! The place I'm taking you is special. And not like Uncle Mike. It's a lake, Lake Nirvana. Where I went with my parents as a kid. Is he kidding? I can never tell. Oh, you've always wanted to camp! This is what he came up with to punish me for Gretchen. I was gonna surf. Nice one, Dad. Thanks! The hotel has a weight room! Doesn't anybody respect my lifting schedule? (SIGHS) We're not campers! We don't camp! Why not? Why? Why, why not? Well, for one thing, we like to shower. It's got a shower. You and I will take one together right now. Do you know where you stay when you take an RV trip? Where? RV camps. Honey, try to remember, we're not friendly. In Hawaii, we'll never see the kids. We'll spend time with them. You need to spend time with them! I spend nine hours a day with them. And I want Hawaii! Alright, we'll go to Hawaii. At Christmas. It'll just be us and a lot of Jews. We'll have the ham to ourselves. Oh, I'll have to cook every night. I'll cook every night, every meal. We were gonna take naps. Afternoon-lock-the-door-naps. Oh, the good naps. Yeah. How are we gonna do that in an RV? I'll drive slowly. I was gonna get a massage! I'll give you a massage. You'll cook, give me massages,... Yeah. ..and spend time with the kids? You got it. (SIGHS) Did you cancel our Hawaii trip because Todd told you to? Did you volunteer us for some sort of experiment? The family drinks only Pure Vibe Soda to see if our teeth fall out? Honey, I'm running out of time with my kids. (DRAWLS) Come on, baby. Why don't you come out in the wilderness with your big, brawny man? Don't make me call for my mail-order bride. Bob... Ugh! Here's something your genius husband probably overlooked. Four miles to the gallon?! Gee, why don't we just stay home and set fire to an oil field? (GASPS) There's an elegant touch. Or we could just travel around in clown suits. I spent the night with my head in a toilet. I'm sure it's contagious. (SIMULATES RETCHING SOUNDS) Alright, no more details. Just email me the new proposal. That's my couch. Move. Make me. Seat's better anyway. Whatever. (CLATTERS) (PANS CLATTER / ROLL) Welcome aboard, everybody. Before we embark, we should give this beauty a name. Suggestions? The Big Turd. The Big Rolling Turd. In that spirit, we set forth. (CONTINUES TO PULL SEATBELT) Make it so, number one. (GROANS) > Honey, are you sure you know how? Trust me, OK. Oh! Thanks. Oh, my God. Honey. Honey. What? Oh, oh, tree. Yeah, it's alright. Honey. Honey. Honey. Oh, my God! We're OK. Honey... Tree, tree! (RV GROANS) Honey, honey. (BRAKES SCREECH) Honey. It's OK. Anything else you want to hit? Do you wanna go back? We missed the neighbour's cat. "You are 31 hours from your destination." What's that? Roadmate 700. I call her Lola. "Make a right in 100 feet." Thank you, Lola. She's accurate to within 10 feet. Go straight. Lola says take a right. You'll hit mall traffic. "50 feet." She said take a right. I'm telling you to go straight. Mm-hm. "20 feet." Choose. Baby, please. "Turn right." Choose! Dad! Whoa! (ALL SCREAM) My bad. "You are 30 hours and 59 minutes..." Turn her off. Dad, this is interesting. "Unsecured items in an unlatched cabinet are a recipe for disaster." Didn't you read this? No. I was busy thinking of ways to have fun, Cass. Dad, somebody's stealing the RV! No, nobody's stealing it. It's rolling backwards with no-one in it. Oh, yeah. Well, my bad. Yeah. Well, yeah. Thanks, Sol. "Irv!" Irv? "Not Sol!" I don't know where I got Sol. "Farkatke Sol." Well, thanks. Good news. I'm adopted? Good one. No. Thanks to my technically proficient and charming description, Sol,... Irv... ..Irv, yeah, Irv, the dealer, said we probably damaged the parking gear interlock and emergency brake when we had that mishap when Mom distracted me pulling out of the driveway. But the real brakes, the ones we use when we're moving, they're fine. They're brilliant! All we have to do, every time we park, we have to put two big blocks under the rear wheel and we'll be perfect. Thanks for the help. OK, everybody, it'll be fun. Let's go! Miles and smiles. This is the worst I've ever been treated. Wait till you get married. Thank you. Everybody aboard the Big Rolling Turd. # Little GTO # You're really looking fine # Three deuces and a four speed # And a 389 # Listen to her tachin' up now # Listen to her whine # Come on and turn it on, wind it up, blow it out # GTO # Wah-wah, wah-wah-wah-wah-wah # Yeah, yeah, little GTO # Wah-wah, wah-wah-wah-wah-wah # Yeah, yeah, little GTO # Wah-wah # Little GTO # White boys, make some noise Let 'em know that we are right here # White Boys... # Wah-wah # Let 'em know we are going nowhere # Can't stay at school (ALL SING AT ONCE) # White boys, make some noise # Ride it up, blow it out # What are you waiting for? # Let go, boy... # Wah-wah... (ALL SING AT ONCE) # Wah-wah... # Whatever it takes to make 'em come to the senses... # Have you and grab you until you are sore! # Hello, Daddy, hello, Mom # Wind it up, blow it out (SCREECHES) # Wah-wah, wah-wah-wah-wah-wah # Yeah, yeah, little GTO # Wah-wah, wah, wah, wah, wah # Yeah, yeah, little GTO # 1 (THUDDING) Well, that was easy. Now what do we do? I know. Let's go to the beach and go surfing. Oh, wait a minute, I forgot! We're not in Hawaii. We're where NASA faked the moon landing. Wait a minute. (LAUGHS) Wait till you see this. It's called a "pop out". (DOOR BEEPS) (RV CHUGS) Hold on. Wheeee. Whoa, where are ya? (LAUGHS) Ta-da! How cool is that? Macarena cool. Hey... You guys wanna see a movie? But where? Forgive my youthful ignorance, but don't you need to hook up the Big Rolling Turd to the electricity? Yes, I do. I gotta take a crap. Time to break in the pooper. You are so disgusting! Dad! The toilet's backed up! (BLUES MUSIC) Carl, what did you eat? Dad, that's not mine. There's the problem. The sewage tank is overflowing. And it's not even our sewage! It's not a national emergency. We'll go to where you dump the sewage and dump the dump. Let's all go. As appealing as that sounds, I think I'll pass, but thank you. And don't forget, you're making dinner. Sure, I'd love to clean somebody else's crap instead of being in Hawaii! Can I come? Not only can you come, you can dump the sewage. Really? Yeah. It's gonna be a regular Field of Dreams moment for us, buddy. Piece of cake. Gonna be a while, mister? Oh, well, that depends. If I can get this hose attached to this outlet, I'll be right out of here. Oh. What's the dealy? Guy needs to attach a hose. I'm tryin' to... What's up? Trying to attach a hose. Oh, he's trying to hook up a hose. Maybe get on the loudspeaker! That there is the wrong hose. It's that there one. Yeah. Yeah. Got the coupling, you're right. That one right there. There you go. OK. Ooop! You need another hose. Well, I guess, but, erm, this is long enough, but, er... You gotta get a bayonet coupling. He hasn't got one. He's got himself a Y coupling. Yeah, that'll do the trick! Y coupling...? Oh. Y Coupling. It's a Y... Oh, I see. One potato. Alrighty. Careful. Two potato. OK. Wait, oh. There we go. Listen, I'm no expert in waste management, but won't the, er, faecal matter come out the top hole there? No, you just gotta hold it up in the air like this. There you go. Little bit higher. There you go. Oh, like that. There you go. Are you sure this is gonna work? Heck, yeah. It's basic hydraulics. OK, Archimedes! Hey, Joe Joe. OK. Let her rip. (SEWAGE BUBBLES) Oh. Oh. Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm... Turn it off! That sure didn't work. No. We need a hose spreader. Who's got one? Gornicke, I think. I'll get it. I'll get some music. Oh, no. And those tortilla chips! We got leftover sausages. Bring 'em. You folks don't need to have a parade. I don't want to impose. Oh, no, no, no. We are gonna get this fixed up for you, buddy. # "Shake Your Booty" - KC And The Sunshine Band Sausages! Sausages! Yeah, right here! You want one? Yeah! Here we go. Yep. That'll work. You sure this'll hold? Hey, man, why would they sell you a hose spreader if you couldn't spread the hose? Huh? Let's get in the hole. Come on. Open her up, Joe Joe. (CREAKING) It's blocked. I'll flush the line. Hey, Dad. Son, maybe now is the time to confess to you that your dad's not the master of all things. Yeah, I got that when you started taking advice from morons. Yeah. All we need is a banjo. Aw, man... He didn't even open it up all the way. (CREAKING / BUBBLING) See? No worries. (CHEERING) Yep. (CELLPHONE RINGS) Oh! Hello? "Bob?" Hey, Todd. Yeah. Oh, I'm still pretty sick. Where's my presentation? "Presentation?" It's some of my best work, not to toot my own horn... You'll have it in your email Thursday morning. "Thursday?" No. Tomorrow would be great. (PIPE GROANS) Oh, oh, I gotta go. (all) Oh! Oh, dude, that is nasty. Don't worry. I'll get another hose. Fire in the hole! (ALL CHEER / WHISTLE) (JANGLING) Here's where you made your critical mistake... You listened to Howie and Joe Joe. Nice boys, but a coupla pliers short of a tool chest. They're not the ones covered in faecal matter. That's a good point. Travis Gornicke. Bob Munro. Let's postpone that handshake till you get cleaned up. Hoo! (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) You're clean enough to use your own shower, Bob. The vehicle's cleaned up, Daddy. Oh, nice work, son. Thank you, boys. Sure, no problem, Mr Munro. Well, uh, can I offer you a... No! We're neighbours. Dad, Mom wants to know... What happened to you? He was... He was covered in turd. Oh, I know the feeling. Mom wants to know when you're cooking. Tell your mother when I'm good and ready, that's when. I'll tell her. Tell her I'm good and ready. Well, er, thanks. Hey, er, pleasure hosing you down. Ditto. Why can't they have dinner with us? Aside from the stink, I don't see why not. Come on over. Tuesday's meatloaf. Afterwards, we can watch Ernest Goes To Jail. Oh! It is funny. Well, it's a classic. We're gonna make a night of it. Whoo! I wish I could but I promised my family I'd make my special, Shish ke-Bob! Oh, that's good! Well, another time? Try to keep me away. OK. (SIGHS UNCOMFORTABLY) Carl! # "Stand By Your Man" - Tammy Wynette Ow! Honey, how's it going? Great, baby! OK. Well, how long, cos we're starving. Four hours. Maybe longer if you keep asking. What? It's a small oven, and I'm having to do the potatoes with a hairdryer set on high. (PANS CLATTER) Hey, who wants to go to a party? (COUNTRY AND WESTERN MUSIC PLAYS) Here we are. Hope we're not late. No! Bob said we were invited. Course you were! And here we are. And we're hungry! Alright! Mary Jo, our company's here. What company? The one's close enough to hear you yelling, darling. Oh. Well, hi. (ALL) Hi. Honey, help me. I got you here, darling. Let's see, Earl and, er, Billy you met. Hi, I'm Earl. And I'm not. My wife, Mary Jo, and, er, my daughter, Moon. Hey, y'all. Moon, that's kind of a hippie name, like Moon, er, Rainbow, Bong...! She was named after Warren Moon, quarterback of the Houston Oilers. (BOTH LAUGH POLITELY) Well, this is my wife, er, Jamie. Cassie, my daughter. My son, Carl. Named after Karl Marx. Socialist. Some would say the Father of modern Communism. (BOTH LAUGH POLITELY) ..as I'm going up, I got blood pouring out of my eyes. (LAUGHS) I looked up and I said, "Who is that lovely vision?" Oh! Next day we were married in Juarez. Nine months later, out popped Earl. Wow. So, er, y-y-you got a boyfriend? Yeah, actually, I'm engaged. Unlikely! So, where are you guys from? Where do you hang your hat at? Behind the wheel. Really? Full timer, USA. Really? How do, er, Moon, Earl, and... not Earl go to school? Home school. Oh... I hope you don't find this question too personal but how do you... Make a living? Various ways. Let's see, we made $25,000 when we turned in Mary Jo's stepdad. In prison he gets the help he needs. Oh, I almost forgot. Mary Jo makes a living. She earns $60,000 a year without ever leaving that bus. Really? Hooking? (LAUGHS) Funny. I'm a mobile sales rep for Happy Max. Y'all seen the infomercials for our musical car horns? Er, no. No. I don't think we have. Billy White Shoes, blow that horn! Watch. Wait for it. I love it every time. (HORN BLOWS "STAR TREK" THEME) Wow. That's... fantastic. That was... Whoa. Jamie, are you a stay-at-home mom? Yes. When there's not a sale. Let me hook you up with Happy Max. I got a rep bag in the bus. Plus, I represent Lovely Lily Beauty Products. A trained cosmetologist. If you're still here tomorrow, I'll give you a complete free makeover. A $39 package, absolutely free. That'd be good, honey. No. I'm gonna work on you the whole day tomorrow. There you go, little lady! I'm sorry. I don't eat meat. Well, I know. I heard you talking. There ain't no meat in it. Oh, no meat? You hear that, Cass? No meat. Thank you, that's lovely. It's all organs. Organs? Deer organs. They're fresh, too. I run him over this morning. The rest is curing in the bedroom. The stomach, brains and pancreas, we tossed into the stew cos in this heat, it doesn't keep. Bathroom! Er, little lady...? Mm! There's my girl. Dad, can we please go? Yes. Thank you so much for the invitation. This has been great. A lot of fun. Dad, listen! "# Love for you..." Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is our family theme song. Kids, come on! Get up there. Hurry up. Get the, er, you know... They are gonna love this! Mommy's got a song-and-dance worked out! Hang on. Wonderful. Come on, Moon. Come on. Thank you, darling. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Guys, line up the way we practised. Here we go. (STRUMS A CHORD) (BOTH) # I've got a never-ending love # For you (KIDS) # Never-ending love # From now on, that's all I wanna do # All I wanna do # From the first time we met I knew # The first time I met # I'd sing my never-ending song of love for you # My love for you (PLAYS HARMONICA) (YODELS) (VOCALISES WORDLESSLY) (IMAGINES HIP-HOP BEAT) (BOTH) # First the time we met I knew (KIDS) # First time that we met # I'd sing my never-ending song of love for you (ALL) # My love for you # Hoo! (WHOOPS) Wow. Last time I heard that song, I was buck naked in a field with a flare... Dad. Yeah? Big travel day tomorrow. Where y'all headed? Away. Mount Watson in Color...ado It's fantastic to have met you. Same here. Hope we see you again. Breakfast tomorrow? Bagels and deer testicles? Oh, she's funny, just like you. (NECK CRUNCHES) Whoa! We'd love to have breakfast, but we're early risers. Us, too. 6am? We'll be long gone by then. Yeah. Yeah, trust us. Bob. Bob. Bob. Let's go. Let's go. Bob! Yeah, baby. Friendly folks. Yeah, they're nice people. (PANS CLATTER) (DOGS BARK IN DISTANCE) (GAGS) Hi, Mr Munro. Oh, hi, Billy. I'm just, er... Wow! You sure got a nice one. What? That's a nice laptop. Oh! Thanks. What are you doing up? I have a sleep disorder. I haven't slept since I was five. So, you wander around the camp? Yeah. I don't really mind. It's the only time I have alone. Ah. Well, see ya. OK. (HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING) (LOW BEEP) (BANGS KEYS) (HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING) (LOW BEEP) Morning. Good morning, Mr Munro. (HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING) (LOW BEEP) (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALARM RINGS) (GASPS) Come on, let's go! It's 5:30! The Gornickes! Bob, a little help? A little help? Cassie? There's movement. She's... She's moving. Carl! Let's get going. Let's move it! Let's move it! Bob, you got it? Andale! Andale, Carl! Cass, what's our status? She's out the door! She's coming! Mayday! Mayday! She's coming! Come on. Let's go, go, go, go, go, go! Come on! It's in gear but it's not moving. The wheels! This stupid pop-out thing! (GROANS) Hurry, Mom, she's coming! Come on, come on... Will you move this son of a...? (CLUNKS) Hey! Oh. They ARE early risers. 1 I'm going a whole 12 miles an hour. Then pass them! (HORN BLARES) Kids, leave him alone. He's not that good a driver. Really? Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Come on. Bob. Bob. Bob! Bob! (TRUCK'S HORN BLARES) Oh... Oh... Bob... Yeah! Hey! (LAUGHS) Alright! OK. (SIGHS IN RELIEF) Thanks. Great. Hey, guess what. What? We need gas. (GROANS) And I really have to go to the bathroom. Y'know, we have one of those. After my last little shower of sadness... OK. Do what you have to do. Oh! Oh, I've got a nice BM coming. Urgh! If there's a poop fairy, I could make a lot of money. It could be a while, baby. It's an 80-gallon tank. (BOTH SIGH) Dad, you in here? Carl, I just need a minute. Sure. Only the RV is rolling away. Be right out. (THUDDING) Hey, Bob! Travis! Yeah. You got a little problem with your vehicle. I'm no expert, but I think it's your parking gear interlock and emergency brake. How did you...? Miracle. We pulled in the second it started rolling away. Y'all wanna hear about the time Jesus saved us from a tornado? Great story. I'd love to, but I was in the little boys' room when Carl interrupted me, but Jamie would love to hear it. Ah! Well, it seemed just like yesterday... (TOILET FLUSHES) Excuse me. Thank you. (gasps) God! Thank you. I don't wanna get too big, you know? I mean, I don't wanna look freakish. No. What is this? It's a list of places between here and Colorado that sell organic food. I got it off the Internet. Oh! That was really thoughtful. What are you listening to? Nothing. So, Billy was blown out of the tree, and before he hit the ground, from out of nowhere, comes this queen-size mattress, slides right under him and cushions his fall. Saved his life. Plus, we needed the mattress. I have a bad back. Yeah. You folks wanna join us for breakfast? We... Ate. Mr Munro, I was telling Earl and Moon about that laptop you used. When were you using a laptop? At work. I was just telling him... When did he see you? We'd love to join you for breakfast. (BOTH) Oh! (NECK CRUNCHES) Whoo! Somebody's ripe! Welcome to my world! Why don't you go in, get that table? We'll be right there. Come on, kids! We're ditching them? Absolutely. Kids, move! So, because you said we were early risers, we had to get up at 5.30 to avoid the Gornickes. Right. Which we managed not to do because you refuse to use the bathroom on the RV that you rented. You're just determined to have a bad time. We all are, Dad. Not me. I embrace every challenge. (SIGHS) Oy. Honey, maybe they got some bad news and had to leave. You're sweet, it's what I love about you, but them folks ditched us. Oh, Trav, honey, pull over. Let's pull over. He looks like a folk singer. Climb aboard! How you doing, buddy? Sir. Welcome to the Gornicke bus! You a folk singer? Cass, can you turn on the oven? I am so bored. I could actually throw up from how bored I am. I brought games. Sorry, Monopoly, Twister... Come on, it'll be fun. (GROANS) Did you turn on the oven? No. I'll do it. (SQUEAKS / ALL SCREAM) (SCREAMS) Raccoon! In the oven! Oh, please. Bob, don't open it! (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAM HYSTERICALLY) Did you take out the roast from last night? I guess not. What's the plan? Maybe he'll eat Carl and leave. Let's give him you. Maybe he's on the South Bitch Diet. Good one! OK, come on! Hey, hey! Do you see what the raccoon's doing? He wants to divide and conquer us. We have to stay strong. Just get rid of it. Just me? Yeah. OK. (HOLLERS / BARKS) Blue, there's 'coons in there! Come on, boy! Bob. (BARKS) Go get him, boy! Bob... (BARKS) (SCREAMS) Just kidding. I'm going in. Isn't anyone gonna stop me? "Dad, the raccoon might have rabies." Nothing? Not a word? Not really. Daddy? Yeah, baby? Don't hurt him. I am, er, entering the RV. Still no sign. I'm going towards the oven door. I'm... opening the... (SCREAMS) Oh, my God! (CLATTERS) Ow! (SCREAMS) There's more than one! (CLATTERS) You guys, he's just joking around. (SCREAMS) Oh! Hey! (CLATTERS / RIPS) Get back! Get back! (SCREAMS) Back! Back, you hideous scoundrel! Ow! We need a new plan. # And it's all because (ALL) # Your mama don't dance and your daddy don't rock'n'roll # When evening rolls around and it's time to go to town # Where do you go to rock'n'roll? # Pull into the drive-in, find a place to park # Hop into the backseat where you know it's nice and dark # You're just about to move in, thinking it's a breeze # (TYRES SCREECH) Alright, let's go! You're off the Gornicke bus! I didn't steal it! I found it. Well, now you lost it. That's why they didn't come to breakfast. He lost his computer and they went off all frantic to find it. I was quick to think the worst. I'm filled with chagrin. Oh, honey... What is that? It's a stink bomb. From the guy in the office. Cost $175. I can get this for five bucks online. You're setting that off in the RV? It's not toxic. It's just noxious, like Grandpa Ted. Don't litter. OK. Suck on this, Rocky! (CAN CLATTERS) (CAN BANGS) Whoo! Yeah! Run, critters! There's more where that came from, you little bandits! Yeah! I'm not so ill-equipped to handle an emergency as some people may think. No one said you were ill-equipped. You know it, baby. How long does this last? "Up to six hours." Well, it's a beautiful evening. Let's sit outside and enjoy nature. (SIGHS) (THUNDER BOOMS) Gee, why don't we huddle under the awning? Oh, we can't! Dad tore it off back in Nevada! Why don't we get underneath the umbrella?! Oh, that's right. Dad fed it to the raccoons. Please, try the office again! No! He's an idiot! He won't let us in! He charged me $70 for these bags! What about that bar we passed on the way up here? Yeah, they had pizza! And a roof! No! It's dark out there! Besides, those raccoons could be waiting! Hey! I can see it! It's just down there! Come on, I'm starving! Bob? It's a bad idea! It's just down the... Whoa! Whoa! (SCREAMS) (ALL) Carl! Whoa! Carl! We're coming! Whoa...! Whoa! Bob! (SCREAMS) Mom! (ALL SCREAM) Jamie! Bob! Bob! (ALL LAUGH) Table for four. No smoking. Wipe your feet. Mm-hm. Mm! Mm-hm. See? That's why you should study. Get good grades and go to a party school. Dad, how come you never got a pool table for the house? Cos of the Generalissimo over there. We used to have one in the dining room. But then you get a job, invite people over for dinner, have a family... Life used to be fun. Yeah. Then something happened that was more fun. Aw. We got the George Foreman Grill. (LAUGHS) OK! Oh... It's fine. Let's just go to sleep. Yeah. (PHONE BEEPS) (PHONE BUZZES) (BEEPS) Hey. Yeah. Yeah. (PHONE BUZZES) (PHONE BEEPS / PHONE BUZZES) (GASPS IN EXASPERATION) (PHONE BEEPS) (PHONE PINGS) Oh, yeah! Oh, great. You're up. Will you make the coffee? Love to. Thank you. Do you want me to drive? (SIGHS) You OK, Dad? Oh, yeah. 1 (ENGINE CHUGS) (GORNICKES' HORN BLOWS) Dad, emergency! (MUSICAL HORN PLAYS) Gornickes. (LAUGHS) I'll get their computer! They're like that hitchhiker in The Twilight Zone. What do they like about us?! I won't spend the rest of my life selling musical car horns. The Gornickes! I'll flag 'em down. (BOTH) Cassie! Get down! Ssh! She got him! Munros! Yoo-hoo! Munros! Bob! Jamie! It's the Gornickes! Pretend to talk to me. Oh, yeah! Pull over! We've got your stuff! Munros! It's the Gornickes! Yoo-hoo! Pull over! We have your computer! (LAUGHS) And a Happy Max bag! Pull over! Kids, grab your paint guns. We'll put one across their bow. Seeing you drive this thing is really turning me on. (SCREAMS) What? They've got guns! (SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) Munros! We've got... You can come up now. Where did you learn to drive like that? How do you think I get the kids to school on time? Shame. If we had their address, we could just ship it to them. We do know where they're headed. Mount Watson, Colorado. If you wore clothes that fit, you wouldn't look like a 10-year-old. It's how I roll. (ALL) Oh! Ah, sweet. You say something, Frodo? Just saying how that guy Shaqed you over there. We got two on two. Look, why don't you find an Under-Two-Foot League? Why don't you trade that thing on top of your neck for a face? I'm gonna floss your rear. (YELLS) Let's go, man! Bring it! Yo, my mobile-home-boys. What's trippin'? This termite belong to you? Don't call... Yo, man, easy! This my man C. He's small but ferocious. But you dogs, you're hard core. Where you from? Scottsdale. Scottsdale, in the zone. Yow! That's a hard-core hood. But if you wanna take on my man C, go ahead, because, he's fierce. He gonna major damage you. You gonna walk away, maybe limp. I say, "Talk to the hand, call waiting," cos he's out. Boy is out. I can't restrains him. I'm conversatin' you to give him a chance to cool down, to get back to a realistic level. We could be chillin' in our crib, not just on this mobile-home thing, representing Malibu and Westwood, you know? Mallin' it, like we all can. Boyz II Mensch, pimp my Mercedes, call me back, put you on hold, know what I'm saying? Er, w-we gotta go. Mm-hm. You better, man. Don't make me call my lawyer, cos I'll audit. Aren't you glad Dad came? They were gonna kick your butt. Carl? That's not helpful. Carl! Carl, it occurs to me that you and I haven't had too many warm Seventh Heaven dialogues in the last year. You're busy a lot. Not too busy to notice that you are sensitive about your size. I bet you $1,000 right now you'll grow up bigger than me. When you were my age, you were huge. You were shaving already. Yeah. Well, that's my point. See, I achieved maturity very early. I stopped growing after eighth grade. But you have the other body type. You're like my friend Jan Vigushin. When he was 16, he had a nine-inch summer. How do you mean that? He grew very tall, very quickly, and so will you. You're being proactive, you're lifting weights. When you grow up that big, you know what we'll do? What? Enter father-son extreme fighting competitions. Alright. You gotta to push the wheelchair, but we'll get 'em high and low. See the man? See the blackened hot dog? Come at you with a little heat right now. Give me a little heat. A little heat. A little pepper there. Hey! Alright there. Alright there, baby? What's up? Kids, dinner's gonna be a little late... Sorry. False alarm. (MOBILE RINGS) The buzzing is not me. Bob... Hello? Before you hang up on me again, we need to talk. I'm sorry, I can't hear you very well. "Signal... No, no, I... Yeah." Hold on one second. The signal... Just a... Can you hear me now? Hey, Todd, did you get the proposal? Not bad. Laird didn't like it. Who cares what Laird thinks? "I do. He's young, Bob." We'll talk tonight on the plane. "No." No? "No." I flew in last night. It's a mile high and I want to get acclimated. "It would be a little embarrassing to get a nosebleed in a presentation." So, er, I'll see you there. Here! (FARTS) Oh, Mom, he's suffering. (GRUNTS) Honey, can I help? No, honey. No, don't come down here. I'm just gonna try and clean up... Ow! Ah! Don't use bark. Oh, these are great. OK, there it is. That does the trick. Ferns! Nature's broom. Honey, no, you can't go on like this. It's ten miles. I don't wanna spoil it for you. You won't. We'll go tomorrow. No! No, tomorrow we go to the lake. Listen, I'll stay here, you go on. I don't know, it... Go. It's a beautiful hike. Oh. Guys? Come on, kids. Yeah? OK. Good. Cos... Oh! I'll try and make it back to the RV. I'm OK, got my ferns. OK. Oh! I'm OK. Go on! Go on, you guys! Save yourselves! OK... (BEEPS) "Welcome to the Roadmate 700." Hi, Lola. (WHISPERS) My wife's not here. 1 What the hell are you driving? Cadillac of RVs. We should go over... Laird. Yeah, I decided to go with Laird's presentation. But hang around, tell a few jokes. You got it. Well... Hi, there! Larry Moiphine. Garry Moiphine. Cute dog. Oh, yeah. She's a sweetie! Oh, yes, you are! Todd? Bob. Hi, Bob. Er, Laird. Bob. Hi, Laird. Laird. We'll have a little nosh and hear your presentation. Tammy's not here yet. Our assistant. We'll eat slow. OK. Come on. Gentlemen. Mm. Oh, hi! Hi! Sorry, I'm late. Oh, my God. You have got to see the circus before it leaves! It was good, huh? It was amazing. So... Oh! Oh, of course. I believe you folks have a presentation for us. Yes! (LAUGHS) Laird. (EXHALES) Good luck. (NERVOUSLY) In, er, 1985, er, Pure Vibe Soda completed a friendly takeover of Mr Twinkle Iced Tea. Today, Mr Bernard Twinkle is worth an estimated $91 million. That was with a profit definition not as favourable as the one Pure Vibe is offering, er, Alpine Soda. Turn to chart number one. Is this just gonna be about money? No, this is stocks. Other than money, why change from a family-oriented business to become subsidiary to a national brand? Er,... other... other than money? Right. Yeah. Erm... Garry, Larry. 50 years ago, if you walked down any street in America on a warm Monday night,... Thanks, Laird. ..you'd hear I Love Lucy coming out of every house on every block. I'm not speaking about conformity, I'm talking about isn't it great when America falls in love with something together? That could happen here. You have a terrific product. How do you think Walter Frederick Morrison felt every time he saw people throwing a Frisbee and a dog doing all the work? Now, if Pure Vibe takes Alpine national, I think we have a chance to let America fall in love with something again. What's your hurry? Bask in the glow of my gratitude. I gotta get the RV back right now or I have to pay for a full day. Well, just picture me hugging you! Thanks! (CAR HORNS BEEP) Officer? Excuse me. What's going on? Landslide. Diversion through I-70. Could take hours. Isn't there another way around Mount Watson? Diablo Pass. But you won't make it in that rig. Dad was right. This is really amazing. Yeah. Poor Dad. Should we cut this short and go back? (BOTH) Yeah. OK. Let's do that. "You are not on any marked road." I know that, Lola! "Make a U-turn at the next legal opportunity." I can't! Squeeze them cheeks. Tighten them buns. Come on, are we having fun? (ALL) # Big old Rolling Turd coming through, coming through # "You are not on any marked road." Shut up! Whoa. Come on, Turd. Keep rolling. Come on. Come on. You can do it. Come on. You can do it. Come on. Come on! Come on! (ENGINE REVS) (ENGINE REVS) (SIGHS) Oh, damn! (HORN HONKS) (HORN HONKS) (HORN HONKS) (HORN HONKS) (HORN HONKS REPEATEDLY) (SCREAMS) Ow! (CHUCKLES) (WHIMPERS) "Make a U-turn at the next legal opportunity." Dad will be surprised we're back so soon. Yeah. Help. (BICYCLE BELLS RING) Who was that maniac? (WHIMPERS) (SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) Oh, God. Bob? Jamie. Jamie. Why are you laying on the ground? Honey, there's something I need to tell you. I nee... Nee...ded a... Needed a little fresh air... after my incident. And how are you now? Good. Really good, good. Oh, yeah. (CELLPHONE RINGS) Oh, oh! Hello? Bob, Bobarino, Bobcat. Er, yeah? Teeny-tiny wrinkle-dinkle. Larry wants you back tomorrow and pitch to the whole company. "If we have a majority, done deal." What? We don't need him. Let me kick this son-of-a-bitch through the uprights! I'll do it. I'm there. Great. You're spitting on me. 1 # Come on, now, we'll have some fun Big Old Rolling Turd coming through # Around that road on your big steaming load # Big Old Rolling Turd coming through (ALL) # Coming through # Big Old Rolling Turd (ALL) # Big Old Rolling Turd coming through # Hey, Dad, maybe we can go to Yellowstone on the way home! Oh! Oh, I'd love to go to Yellowstone! Yeah, Dad. Can we? Absolutely. Come on. I want to show you something wonderful. It's hard to forget this place. My dad was so moved by it he said, "You know, a snack stand up here would do tremendous." And my mom, always supportive, "And who's gonna run it, Alan, you?" My dad, "Why don't you blow it out your big saggy rear end, Helen?" Can't buy memories like that. Or like this. Hey, I should get the emergency brake fixed before we head to LA. Good idea. You guys don't wanna hang around some dingy garage. Wait here, enjoy the view. I'll be back in an hour and we'll have a big picnic. How about that? OK. Sounds good. Erm, guys, tell your dad what you wanted to tell him. Thank you for taking us on this trip. Kinko that. Better than Hawaii? Yeah, better than Hawaii. Come here and give Big Daddy a hug. Wait! Oh, Carl, you'll be too big soon. Dad. Cassie'll be in college. Dad! What? The RV's rolling away! (CRASHES) No! Oh, God, no! No, no! Dad, let it go! Bob! No! Bob! Bob! No! Mom, what are you doing?! Bob! Bob, no! No! No! Are you crazy?! It's a rental! How am I gonna get to the meeting? What meeting? The Alpine merger. (GASPS) Sweetheart, you'll never guess what happened yesterday. You weren't really sick. Not really. This is about work! Mm-hm. You brought us out here because of a meeting? You're getting warmer. The Alpine Soda merger! Bingo. So, you lied to me from the very beginning. Since we were first married? No. Since you brought home the RV. That time, yeah. It has nothing to do with wanting to be with your family. You used us? You wouldn't understand, missy. I don't know. She's pretty smart. Explain it to her. And Carl, too. Kids, life is hard. (SIGHS) Not "the TiVo in my room is not working" hard. "Making a living because you're responsible for loved ones" hard. I'm 50 and people are digging a hole for my career. OK, Bob. OK, that's a little rough. Cassie, where do you wanna go to college? Stanford. Oh. Carl, where's that camp you're going? Alaska. Alaska. Princess of Pasadena, how much did that fixer-upper cost? Who has to ride a $4,000 bicycle? I have to ride a custom bike because my hips aren't aligned! Are you happy now the kids know their old man's a freak? I have to get to that meeting or I lose my job and we lose a lifestyle. Now split up and look for help. Carl, come with me. I'm good. Cassie? Adieu. (SIGHS) I'm gonna lose my job. Hope the kids like selling fruit on the freeway. Y'know, what's scary is that this is rush hour. Mom, there's never going to be any other cars on this road. (HORN BLOWS "STAR TREK" THEME) Oh, my God. Where's your husband? Don't ask. Could you take us to an airport? What's all this? What's all this? I gotta study for my stupid placement tests. Oh, like some sort of vocational training? Er, college. How old are you? 15 and a half. I jumped a grade. Moon, though, she skipped two grades. So,... you guys are smart? I'm gonna be unemployed. I'm gonna have to sell my liver for cash. And then he just rode out of the lake. Yep. This one really snuck up and bit me right on the seat meat. I thought Bob was good people. Does anybody have a vomit bag? Are you sick? Big time. Cassie and Earl are making out. What? Don't worry, I got 'em in the rear-view mirror. Boy don't know what he's doing. Like father, like son. Hey! (LAUGHS) Listen, I have to admit something. Bob wasn't the only one trying to avoid you. I was, too. Yeah, we ain't everybody's cup of sunshine. It was you, but it was mostly us. You didn't catch the Munros at their best. I had a feeling you was having troubles. Yeah. Here's the thing... You start off happy and stupid, and then you become associates in the marriage business. "Did the plumber come? Take Carl to soccer. I'll pick up your dad..." You forget what brought you together in the first place. You know what I mean? No, I don't, no. No. OK. Anyway, in the last few days, I caught a glimpse of the old us. And I was happy. I better get directions so I can take you folks where you need to be. (LAUGHS) Here. Oh, really? Jamie! Cassie! Carl! Let's hit the road, Jamie. OK. Oh, God! 1 # Little GTO # You're really looking fine Ladies first. Oh, boy. That's working it! # I got a 389 # Listen to her tachin' up now # Listen to her whine (SCREAMS) # Come on, turn it on, wind it up # Blow it out, GTO # Whoo # Yeah, yeah, little GTO # Yeah, yeah, little GTO # Yeah, yeah, little GTO Travis! # Yeah, yeah, little GTO Stop! # Ah... # Carl Munro! The hike was so intense, I had to carry my mom and sister down the hill. Think I might have pulled a muscle. Where? In the woods. Travis! Whoo! Travis! # Come on, turn it on, wind it up # Blow it out, GTO # Whoo # Yeah, yeah, little GTO # Uh # Little GTO # I'm gonna save all my money # And buy a GTO # Get a helmet and a road bar # And I'll be ready to go # Take it out to Pomona # And let 'em know, yeah, yeah # That I'm the coolest thing around # Little buddy gonna shut you down (ALL) # Gonna turn it on, wind it up # Blow it out! GTO # GTO Jamie! (SCREAMS) Bob? Are you an idiot? Do you want your children to see you bouncing down the highway? Why are you with the Partridge family? Why were you on the bus? I was chasing you. You win! I blew off my job because I can't live without you. I never asked you to blow it off! I just wanted you to be honest. Honest? Like, "Todd's gonna fire me if I go to Boulder" honest? Oh, I see. You think that if you told me you were in trouble and your job was in jeopardy, I'd give you a hard time? No crying. That's cheating. Do you think I'm a witch who doesn't care? I do care! I care a lot! In fact, I hate you, jerk! I didn't want you to know I was in trouble. You and Cassie and Carl, you mean everything to me. What you think about me is the most important thing in the world. I didn't want to fail. If you don't know how I feel about you after 19 years of marriage, then I must be a failure as a wife. Then you admit you're the problem. Bob. You mean more to me than just a pay cheque. Good, cos we won't be getting one for a while. I missed that meeting. No, you didn't. Come on, Bob. Come here. It's a Christmas miracle. No, it sounded like this is where your wife needed to be, so that's we brought her. Travis has never been one to mind his own business. Yeah! Travis, some of my behaviour on this trip might be misconstrued as an insult. It did come off a tad abrasive. Yeah. I was wrong, and it takes a small man to admit it. And you're a big man, and I don't just mean... I understand a metaphor, Bob. See, I went to Stanford. You big lug, I love you! (TRAVIS'S NECK CRUNCHES) Who loves this big lug? I love you! Yeah, I know I... Todd? Little dramatic, Bob. Showing up at the last possible minute. You look horrible. Let's go. Dad! Oh! I'm sorry. Sorry? You're under a lot of pressure, and I could've been less trouble. In your own nerdy way, you're kinda cool. Bob? Yeah? I'm hating this. Dad! Yeah? I get it! What? If you wanna succeed, you have to do what they tell you. You... Bob! This is the big one, Bobcat. Bases loaded. Got it. Hit a grand slam on this, big raise, promotion, and I personally push Laird down some stairs. Everybody, this is Bob. Remember, charming and funny. Hi, everybody. Sorry I'm late. I just came down that mountain and next time I'll use a road. (ALL LAUGH) I guess you guys didn't get the memo about extreme casual. I love your wilderness so much, I decided to wear it. (LAUGHS LOUDLY) Easy, Todd. It's been kind of a wild journey getting here. If you wanna find out about yourself, put your family in an RV and drive! I've seen some amazing stuff. I've fought wild raccoons and won. I've been in the desert to a place where it's not the end of the world, but you can see it from there. And I met this weird family. I mean, boy, they were strange. Whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten. In the dictionary, under "hootenanny" it says "see them". You know what's strange about them? They're just honest, good people, and it's an honour to have them as friends. Garry, Larry, this is a nice company you have here. It's your baby. I bet at the birth of your baby, you were kinda scared. Excited but scared. You didn't know how it'd turn out. Next thing, it's up and walking, and you're trying to raise it. Sometimes you didn't know what you were doing but you pretended you did and the next thing you know, your baby's grown. It's bigger, older, more complicated, difficult to deal with. But, here's the deal, you care about it just as much, because you nurtured it and part of you is in it, and you're proud of it. You love it more than ever. Right now you have to make a decision of whether you want to merge your family with the Pure Vibe family. Stocks will split, you'll have money you won't know what to do with, and your company's gonna grow. You'll be bigger than a woman in shorts at Disneyland. You'll be able to get all that stuff, the ski boat, a $4,000 bike, a Barcalounger that massages your ass and blows smoke. Bottom line, Garry, Larry, if you wanna merge Alpine and Pure Vibe, I promise you, you're making the worst decision of your entire life. Oh, this guy is a disgruntled employee! Couldn't keep up with the talent. Look. He's off his meds. His daughter assaulted me in my own home. I did not! It was my friend. She did it because Pure Vibe has one of the worst environmental records. Why are these kids here? Plus, last year, you outsourced for cheaper labour to other countries. Let her go, Todd. I'll let her go. I'll let you go. You're fired. Huh! Whoa! Hyah! Yo, dog. Carl! My hero. Todd, I quit. There's snow on the ground. It's left over from last winter. At 9,500 feet, it doesn't melt, it's glacial. We don't have chains. Don't need 'em. They're for the winter, not July. Well, I see snow. Hey, Dad, are we poor? There's a lot of ways to measure family wealth. A family's love... I was talking about money. Dirt poor. Let's sell the house. Live here and be home schooled! Spend every minute together, like the Gornickes! Sounds fantastic. Oh, yeah. (SIREN WAILS) Chains. Four-wheel drive. Thanks. Officer, good day. You're gonna say, "Where are your chains?" Well, sir, this is no ordinary RV. It's part ATV, part SUV, and certified by the DMV! It's got positraction, Dynaflow, control traction. It's got heated rims. Wish I had those! (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) OK. Erm, licence and registration, sir. Oh, there it is. I believe that was the rental agreement. We had a bit of a mishap at the lake. I lost my wallet. My name is Bob Munro, and, erm... We got him. We're just ahead of you. Got me? Officer, I know she may look unsafe, but she's tough. She likes to be rode hard, put away wet. She spent two days in the lake. It means a lot to us. (TYRES SCREECH) It's like a big, ugly pet, really. You got 'em. Thanks, Sam. We owe you one. We been chasing you all morning. I just took one soda. No. We just want you to know we're going national. Well, good luck. With you! We want you to join us at Alpine Beverages! You're offering me a job? Yeah! Yes, he'll take it! She's a tough negotiator. You really seem to get us, like a harmonic convergence. You forgot something. Don't interrupt my handsome new bosses. Sure. But the RV's rolling away. (CRASHES / SIREN WAILS) (CRASHES) (SIREN WAILS WEAKLY) (BOTH) # If you ever plan to motor West # Travel my way, take the highway, that's the best # Get your kicks # On Route 66 # It winds from Chicago to LA # To LA # More than 2,000 miles all the way # All the way # Get your kicks # On Route soixante-six # Route soixante-six Yeah! (BOTH) # Go through St Louis Joplin, Missouri # Oklahoma City is mighty pretty # You see Amarillo Yeah! # Gallup, New Mexico # Flagstaff, Arizona Don't forget Winona (BOTH) # Kingman, Barstow, San Bernardino (YODELS) # Bop-shoo-wop, bop-shoo-wop (YODELS) # Bop-shoo-wop, bop-shoo-wop (YODELS) # Won't you get hip and read my lip? # Heed the timely tip # When you make, 'bout to break # That shaky Cali trip Boy! # Get kicks with the hits # Out on Route # Sixty... # Won't you get hip # To this timely tip? (ALL) # Bop-shoo-wop, bop-shoo-wop # When you make, make that California trip # Bop-shoo-wop, bop-shoo-wop # Gotta get your kicks # On Route 66 # Bop-shoo-wop, bop-shoo-wop (BOTH) # Gotta get your kicks (ALL) # On Route 66 # Bop-shoo-wop Got to get your kicks # On Route 66 # Got to get your kicks on Route 66 # You gotta get your kicks on Route 66 #