IMS Subtitles www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Able 2017 It is time. They have reached the second crucial turning point in their destiny. Their message is about to reach millions. But, we will change all that. When our mission is successful, no longer will the world be dominated by the legacy of these two fools! No longer will we hear this... (ELECTRIC GUITAR) We will stop them now! Brothers and sisters,... ..are we ready?! Greetings, my excellent pupils. (ALL) Greetings. Today we continue our study of the physics of acoustical reverberation. I'd like you to meet today's most non-bogus guest speakers. Say hello to an old friend, Thomas Edison. Hello there. And to help us on the musical side of things, Johann Sebastian Bach. And Sir James Martin of Faith No More. Founder of the Faith No More Spiritual and Theological Centre. Station! (ALL) Station. And a special treat from the 23rd Century, Miss Ria Paschelle. Miss Paschelle, as you all know, was the inventor of the statiaphonic oxygenetic amplifier graphaphona dela-verberator. Kind of hard to imagine the world before we had them, isn't it? OK, remember, this Friday, Ben Franklin and Aretha Franklin will be here. Saturday is the field trip to Babylonia and, very important, do not do your homework without wearing headphones. Repeat - De Nomolos, my old teacher. Rufus,... ..my favourite pupil. I thought you were... Dead. No. Just in preparation. I worked within the system until I could stand it no longer. And soon,... ..soon... ..the system will never have existed. You won't get away with it. Time will tell. Time has told. I will go back and change that... ..with the aid of my secret weapons! (ALL GASP) (BOTH) How's it going, dudes?! (ALL SCREAM) Friends, friends, friends. These are automators, replicas only. Furnished with my agenda. Now, what is your mission? First, we totally kill Bill and Ted. Yeah, then we take over their lives. Then we utterly destroy it. Then, at the Battle of the Bands, we give the speech they were gonna give except totally different. And thus a new future is born. A great future, eh? Don't tell us, you programmed us! He's totally a robot. So are you, dude. We're total metalheads! (ELECTRIC GUITAR) Do shut up. Now,... (ELECTRIC GUITAR) ..what is the fuel? (ALL) Fear! What is the engine? Discipline! What is the ideal? Power! And how do we achieve it?! Death to Bill and Ted! Catch you later, evil dude. I'm Bill S Preston Esquire! And this is Ted Theodore Logan! And on drums and keyboard, celebrating their fifth year in the 20th Century, are the beautiful princesses of mediaeval England, Joanna and Elizabeth! And we are... (BOTH) Wyld Stallyns! You keep telling me you're gonna be the greatest band in the world but you stink. Yeah, we don't understand it either. I-I mean, you can't sing. The girls, they can play, but you guys... Girls mature faster than guys. Plus, they started in the 15th Century. What do you mean? Well, they're from mediaeval England. (Ted, shut up.) Er, Mediaeval England, Ohio. Guys, the point is the Battle of the Bands is the biggest event for new groups. We're talking about a $25,000 first prize, a two-year record deal and a chance to be seen by the most important people in the business. We've even got live coverage on channel 12. Now, if you were me, would you put you guys on? (BOTH) No way. However, since you guys do work for Pretzels and Cheese, I'm gonna give you a shot. (BOTH) Excellent! (ELECTRIC GUITAR) But last. Midnight. Probably by that time, everyone'll be gone home. That's alright, I mean, we're used to that. Yeah. We fully cleaned out Ted's little brother's high school dance. They totally turned on the hose while he was playing his solo. Shut up, Ted! Guys, do yourself a favour, prepare a little, work on your act. I mean, think of something. Don't worry, Miss Wardroe, we won't let you down. Dude, we gotta win at that concert. Yeah, then we can finally propose to the ladies. I know. There's no way we can raise a family on the money we make at Pretzels and Cheese, dude. I'll call Missy, tell her we're on our way. Should be a most resplendent birthday party. Shall we, ladies? Great. Sure. I understand you too have a little something else to celebrate tonight. We got into the Battle of the Bands. (BOTH) Yeah! If we win, I can totally pay you back the money I owe you. What if you don't win? Well, um,... ..I guess,... um,... ..maybe sell some more blood. Perhaps you should think about selling a couple of the instruments. Of course, we've always got a spot for you, Ted. You remember my old friend, Colonel Oats? From the Alaskan military school. How, um,... How's it going, Ted? Yeah. Splendidly. Remember,... ..it's not too late for you, Ted. Yeah. Whoa. For either of you. For all four of you. (ALL LAUGH) Ah, fresh fudge. Hi, Oatsey. (GROWLS) Hi. Darling. Hi, guys. Hi, Missy. Hey, Missy. Ugh, I mean, Mom. I can't believe Missy divorced your dad. And married mine. Shut up, Ted. Your dad looks bad. I know. What's next? Maybe she'll marry you. (LAUGHS) Yeah. Then you'll be your own stepdad. (ALL LAUGH) You probably noticed we haven't given you our gifts yet. Yeah. That's because,... ..ur,... well,... That's because what we wanted to say was,... ..well,... ..er,... (BOTH) Excuse us, dude. I wrote this myself. I wrote this last night. Elizabeth,... Joanna,... ..as I wonder through this dark and lonely forest of life, (BOTH) Surrounded by various beasts, ..bears, vipers,... ..not to mention small barnacles and algae. Men-of-wars, starfish, blowfish, catfish. Oh, no, that's freshwater. The point is,... ..I know we promised you a better life than this... What I mean to say is,... ..I realise when we took you out of England, we said the future held some really good stuff. And all this stuff hasn't actually worked out the way we thought. (BOTH) It will. We hope. The day after tomorrow, if things work out... What this is about is... Will you... Marry us? Theodore... I'd love to. (ELECTRIC GUITAR) Yeah! Aim for the cat, dude, aim for the cat. I'm trying, evil Ted, I'm trying. Aaargh, just missed. Not bad. Yeah. Let's make it bad. (LAUGHS) We're here, dude. Is Rufus with you? One second. "Looks like we lost him in the circuits of time, dude." Good. Then he is gone forever. Our first act of business,... destroy that ridiculous insipid band. (BOTH) You got it, dude. Get to work. Now! Study these books well. When my mission is completed, this will be the new history. What a shithead. Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Drive safe. Dude? What? I wonder if after we're married, the princesses will stay over with us? Yeah. Our girlfriends are most chaste. Yeah. At least they're not dating our dads. Good point, dude. Yeah. (PHONE RINGS) Hello? "Hello, Bill, this is Joanna." Hey, Joanna. How'd you call us so fast? "It's not important. This is." "Elizabeth and I have spoken and we've decided we're quitting Wyld Stallyns." What?! "Yes." Why? "We think you're losers and we never want to see you again." No way. "We're going to the desert to be alone." But - "It's over." "Goodbye!" (JOANNA'S VOICE) I totally fooled them. Yeah. They're completely brilliant. (BOTH) Not! (ELECTRIC GUITAR) Let's ditch the booth and start phase two. Station. "An incredible fortune in stones." "Yet I would trade them all for a hand phaser." "Or a good solid club." Maybe we should have proposed to them sooner. "If I can find it." How could we, Ted? We can barely afford our own apartment. This is most none non-heinous. What are we gonna do? We gotta find them. Talk to them. But how? (KNOCKING ON DOOR) I wonder who that could be? (BOTH) How's it going, Bill and Ted? Ted, it's us again. How's it going, Bill? Not bad, Bill, and you? Bad. We came to help you guys in your most unfortunate situation. Yeah. How? Come with us, we'll show you. OK. Excuse us. Dude. I got a weird feeling here. (SIGHS) Why? I don't know. How do we know these guys are really us? Ted, we've been through this before. If it wasn't for the previous intervention of our future selves, would we have passed history? Or met the babes? Or had a most excellent adventure through time? OK. Ted, if you're really me, how many fingers am I about to hold up? Three. (BOTH) Whoa! You're right. Let's go, guys. We'll drive. Ted? What? I have a feeling we're about to embark upon a most unprecedented expedition. Dude? What? I got a full-on robot chubby. Later, evil Ted. Later. I'm cold. Yeah. Hey, dudes, can we have some heat back here? Shut up, Bill. That other you's a real jerk. Yeah. I gotta remember to be more considerate towards myself when I become him. He said shut your holes! (Dude.) (I got a very bad feeling.) Out. So? Where are Joanna and Elizabeth? (BOTH LAUGH) They're not here. Yeah, we lied. But here's the truth. We're totally gonna kill you know. (BOTH LAUGH) (BOTH) No way! Yes way, Ted. We're fully programmed to do it. Yeah. And we wanna do it too. (BOTH LAUGH) You dick, Bill! (CLUNK!) Ow! You're metal, dude. I know. Check it out! (BOTH) Whoa. (ELECTRIC GUITARS) Let's go. (BOTH) Bogus. Ha! Ted, we gotta do something. Dudes, even though you're doing this, we... ..we... We love you. We love you. (BOTH) Fags! (BOTH) Waaaaaaaargh! (BOTH) Catch you later, Bill and Ted! Yes! I totally luggied on that good dead me! Yeah! We're fully full-on evil robots. Yeah! (ELECTRIC GUITARS) You wanna take the van? Nah, it's beat. There's a Porsche. Let's bag it. Station. Bill,... ..what happened? Ted,... ..we're dead, dude. No way. Yes way. Look. Now what? What is that? (BOTH) Whoa! Who are you? Ted,... ..it's the Grim Reaper, dude. Oh. How's it hanging, Death? You will come with me. Bill. We can't, we gotta get back to the babes. Ted, we can't, we're dead, dude. We gotta stop those evil us's. We gotta try. Excuse us, dude, but is there any way back? You may challenge me to a contest. But if you lose,... ..you will remain here in the afterlife. Forever. (BOTH GULP) What if we win? No-one has ever won. Dude, (we gotta ditch this guy.) (Definitely.) But how? (BOTH) Melvin. (ELECTRIC GUITARS) Excuse us, dude, but your shoes are untied. Oh. Waaaargh! Aaagh! Oh! I can't believe we just melvined Death. Yeah! Let's just hope he doesn't catch up with us. (BOTH) Whoa. (SQUEALING) No way! This isn't funny. Way to go, Joanna. I don't understand what's come over you two. Well, you see, we used to be puss weeds but now we're metal. So get over here and put out! Let's go. You can forget about us playing tonight. Fine. Then I guess that's that. Meh-meh meh-meh meh! Yeah. See you. (BOTH) Catch you later, babes! Oh. Ted, I have an idea. Tonight, at the concert, after we make De Nomolos' speech, let's waste them. Station. In the meantime, let's trash this lame little rat hole. Stellar, evil Ted! Ted, we have gotta stop 'em. Yeah. But how? I hope this works. It worked in the Exorcist. One and three. Alright, Hertzfelt, you'll move downtown so Deloish can take her maternity leave. Also, we need to make a few shifts. Anyone interested in moonlighting will be stepping up security at the Amphitheatre tonight for the Battle of the Bands. I hear your son's band is playing. (ALL LAUGH) Thank you for reminding me, Sergeant. Also, Scott Frank... So, how do we do this? I don't know. Why don't you try something. OK. Whoa. OK, dudes. I mean, fellow police men. My son, Ted Theodore Logan and his friend Bill S Preston Esquire have been murdered and replaced by evil robots from the future. You totally did it, dude! I totally possessed my dad. (ELECTRIC GUITARS) OK. You gotta go over and arrest these robots so they don't ruin everything for me and Bill. I mean, my son and Bill. And, most importantly, they don't hurt the babes. Babes? The princesses. This isn't working. Back me up, dude. Got it, dude. I totally believe you, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa! Doughnuts. Whoa. Excellent! Savoury croan. Yeah. I got really hungry being dead. Yeah. Bill, I don't think they believe us. Well, we'll have to find somebody who will. (BOTH) Catch you later, cop dudes. Catch you later. Ted, we can't go like this. Oh. Yeah. Thanks, Dad. Good morning. Sergeant. Gandhi. Anne Boleyn. Aristotle. President Chester A Arthur. Yes. Clark Gable. Charlemagne. And I would like to contact Ty Cobb. Oh! Has this seance stuff ever worked? No. But it will today, dude. Bobble, wobble. Rrrrrrrrrrr. Oh, great spirits from the netherworld, leave your celestial abode and speak upon us your life lessons. (BOTH) Whoa! Whoooooa! I feel the spirits have arrived. (BOTH) How's it going, new-age dudes? (ALL GASP) Spirits, can you hear me? Yeah. And we can totally see down your - Ted. That's your mom, dude. Whoa, you're right! Move over, dude. Spirits, what have you to say to us? OK. The princesses are in... (BOTH) Trouble! Yeah. Ted and his most e-e-excellent friend Bill were killed! (GASPS) You must go. Listen to us. Beware of evil Bill and Ted. Warn the princesses! Save the babes! Save the babes! Oh, evil spirits from hell, I send you back into the darkness from whence you came. Go when thee... What's she doing? I don't know. But I don't think it's good. (BOTH) Oh-oh. (BOTH) No way! (ALL CHANT) (BOTH SCREAM) (BOTH SCREAM) Dude, this is a totally deep hole. Yeah. Now what? I don't know. (BOTH SCREAM) Hey, you wanna play 20 questions? OK. I got one. Are you a mineral? Yeah. Are you a tank? Whoa, yeah! Good one. Whoa. Not bad. Yeah, can we do it again? Yeah! (SHOUTING) (BOTH) No way. This is not what I expected this place to look like at all. Yeah. We got totally lied to by our album covers, man. (GROWLING) Whoa, who's that? Ted, who do you think it is, dude? Oh, yeah. How we gonna get his attention? (BOTH) Sign of the devil, dude. Hey, devil, dude! Down here! Yo! (BOTH) Down here, dude! Two little guys! No! Big dude, down here! (BOTH) Down here! Dude, I kinda like this. (BOTH) Whoa. Excellent. Let's get out of here, dude. OK. Whoa! Ted? Yeah? If I die, you can have my Megadeth collection. But, dude, we're already dead. Oh. Well, then they're yours, dude. Whoa, thanks, dude. How's it going, Beelzebub? So, er... OK, can we go now? You may go. Whoa! Thanks, dude. Yeah. You know, you've got a bad rep but you're actually an OK dude. (BOTH SCREAM) (LAUGHS) Whoa. Where are we? I don't know. Maybe we should try one of these tunnels. Dude, where are we? I don't know, dude. Maybe we should try one of these doors. After you, dude. Now where are we? (FOOTSTEPS) Who's that? (BOTH) It's Colonel Oats! No way! Gentlemen! Welcome to hell. No way. What?! No way, sir! You two... ..will do whatever I tell you to do from now on. Is that clear? Yes, dude, sir! What?! Yes, dude, sir! What?! Yes, sir, sir, dude! Get down and give me... ..infinity. Stupid, pathetic, craven little pupils. Dude, there's no way I can possibly do infinity push-ups! Maybe if he lets us do them girly style. You petty, bullying billies. You're not strong! You're silky boys. Silk comes from the butts of Chinese worms. Dude, we gotta get out of here. ..toasty little butter cakes you are. Get back here! Dude? What? I think we're in our own personal hell. Let's split up. Yeah. That way it can't get us so bad. What happened? Whoa! Bogus. (ALL) # Happy birthday # To you # Happy birthday # To you # Happy birthday # Dear Grannie # Happy birthday # To you # Grannie S Preston Esquire. No way. (CREAKING) Theodore? You made your little brother cry. How about a kiss... ..for your dear old gran, Bill? Come on. You stole Deacon's Easter biscuit. No way. This was ten years ago. Uh-huh. (SCREAMS) Come here, boy! (BOTH SCREAM) That was none, none, none, non-heinous. Choose... your... eternity. (LAUGHS) Choose your own, you bad dude! Aaaaaargh! You ugly, red source of all evil! Aaaargh! Hello, girls. Yaaaaargh! (BOTH SCREAM) Dude? What? Hell sucks. Definitely. Yaaargh! Two turtle no-nos, salamander... Skippy! Nee ne, ne-nee ne. (LAUGHS) Come to Oatsey. (BOTH SCREAM) No, no! I want one right on the lips. Ted, there's only one way out of here, man. Right, dude, we gotta play the reaper. Choose your game. But if you lose, you will stay here in hell forever. It's not OK to control who they spend time with,... It's not OK to control who they spend time with,... ...how they use their phone or Facebook or how they dress. It's not OK to make them live in fear. It's not OK to say it's none of our business. Because it is our business. And it's not OK. Ever. But it is OK to ask for help. E one. Miss. B three. Miss. C six. Hit. Dude. I know. J seven. Hit. (BOTH) Yeah! A hit. You have sunk my battleship. (BOTH) Excellent! Yeah! I told you he'd put it in the J's, dude. Good thinking, Ted. You must play me again. What?! Um, best two out of three. No way. Yes way. What's he doing? I don't know. I believe... Colonel Mustard did it in the study with the candlestick. Sorry, Death, you lose. It was Professor Plum. I said Plum. No way, you said Mustard! Can we go back now? Best three out of five. I don't believe this guy! (GROWLS) Best of seven? Damn right! Right hand green. Left hand red. Yaaagh! Right foot green. Oh. Aaargh! Aw, dude! Aaaargh! Yeah! (BOTH) Yeah! Well? I will... ..take you back. (ELECTRIC GUITARS) You played very well, Death. Especially with your totally heavy death robes. Don't patronise me. Whatever, dude. You got a lot to learn about sportsmanship. This way. Now we can go back and save the babes. Yeah, but, Bill, when we get back, how we gonna fight those other us's? I mean, they're totally stronger than us. And way smarter than us. Yeah, plus they already killed us once. Yeah. (COUGHS) One minute, duder. OK. If we were good human us's and we had to fight two robot evil us's, what would we do? Make good robot us's? Ted, good thinking, dude! Excuse us. Excuse me, Death? Oh, now what? Well, could you take us to someone who could help us? You have beaten me, I'm at your command. (BOTH) Cool. This way. Ted? What? Don't fear the reaper. (ELECTRIC GUITARS) I heard that. Whoa. This is most atypical. Welcome to Heaven. Hello. Hello. Thank you. You're welcome. "Only the most serene and enlightened souls shall gain audience." Huh. Dude, we're in big trouble. I think I have an idea, dude. Hello, welcome to Heaven. Pssst. Hey. Wise dudes. Can we ask you a question? OK. Right this way, please. Welcome to Heaven. (FIGHTING) Dude, we're in Heaven. We just mugged three people. I know. We'd better get out of here before we ruin it for everybody. Come on, Death! You look great, dude. You think so? Yeah,... ..you do. (BOTH LAUGH) Shut up. Come on, dude. It's not funny. I can't believe I'm doing this. Stupid. How did I end up in this ridiculous situation? (COUGHS) How's it going? What is the meaning of life? Every rose has its thorn,... ..just like every night has its dawn. Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Every rose has a thorn. Don't I know you? No. OK, so, God, as if you didn't know, we are not the three wise people that you might have thought we were. No. We mugged three people and took their clothes. Sorry. I'm Bill S Preston. I'm Ted Theodore Logan. Together, we are, (BOTH) Wyld Stallyns! Yeah. This lovely lady is the Grim Reaper. He brought us here when we challenged him and won. Well, OK. First of all, congratulations on Earth. It's a most excellent planet and Bill and I enjoy it on a daily basis. Yeah. Not to mention your other great planets - Mars, Jupiter, Uranus. (ELECTRIC GUITARS) But the point is, OK, we died. Most unfairly. But we won the chance to come back. We need to construct something to help save the women we love. Yeah. And we don't got a lot of time, so we were wondering could you maybe help us find somebody who could maybe help us build something? Station. Well, we were thinking along the lines of maybe a scientist or something. (BOTH) Whoa. Cool. Thanks, God. Yeah. You are a just and noble creator. OK. Well, we'll be going now. Yeah, keep up the good work. (BOTH) Catch you later, God. Um,... ..sorry. They melvined me. Alright, upside-down cake! Hey, evil Ted! What?! We're out of dishes. Check this out. Not bad, ET. Let me try. Waaaaargh! You totally didn't see the fan. Yee-haw! Whoo-hoo! Alright! Hey, tell that body to get over here and get me. That's alright. I'll get you. Got your head, dude. (LAUGHS) I'm totally gonna tackle you, dude. Touchdown for evil Ted! We're total headbangers. Come on. There you go. Stop wasting time. Proceed with the plan now. OK, dude. What do you say we trash their relationships? I hate them. I hate the robot versions of them. You made us, dude. Well, it looks like this is the place, dude. Now all we gotta do is find that scientist. What kind of name is Station anyway? I don't know. Must be some kind of future guy. OK, how many syllables? (CHATTERING) Is it a play or a song? It's something big! My money's on Einstein. This Station? Did you assume that the most brilliant scientists in the entire universe would be from Earth? Well, yeah. (SNORTING) Movies. Nine words. Good. Fire? Cigarettes? Close, close. Smoke. Oh! Butch And Sundance - The Early Years. (SILENCE) Death! Sorry. Smokey And The Bandit Three- ... More. ..Smokey Is The Bandit. (APPLAUSE) Excuse us, martians? Er, first, my friend Bill and I would like to congratulate you on a most well-played round of Charades. Totally. Secondly, you have been referred to Ted and me as the most brilliant scientists in the whole universe. Oh. So, how would you like to come to Earth with us and help us build good robot us's to save two princesses from bad robot us's. (BOTH WHISPER) (BOTH SPEAK ALIEN LANGUAGE) Sounds good, Station. Yeah! Let's go. Let's rock, Death. (BOTH) Whoa. Ted, we're alive. Yeah. But I think, I think a buzzard was pecking at my head. Dinner's over, worm dude. You guys OK? (BOTH GROWL) Where's Death? Aaaaaaaargh! (ALIENS LAUGH) You OK, dude? I'm fine. OK. First on the agenda, we go back to town and we clean up. Second, call the princesses and warn them. Third, we purchase stuff to build good robot us's. OK. Let's go. (ALIENS LAUGH) What? What?! Aaaaaaargh! Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. There's one, dude! Just missed, dude. Dude, we're there. OK. I got an idea. (SCREAMING) (ELECTRIC GUITAR) Whoa. How's it going, lady humans? Huh? Aaaargh! Ow! OK, stations, this is the Builders Emporium, repository for earthly electronics and robot-building materials. Get what you need to make metal us's, understand? OK. (BOTH SCREAM) Ready for the big night, babes? No, we're not going. I think you guys should stop right there. Catch you later, future wife. Whoa, evil breath. Who are you two? Well, you see... Oh, my God. Come on. Any luck? No. They're not at our place or at their's. I'm gonna try your dad's place. Maybe they went to talk to Missy. (PHONE RINGS) Hello, Logan residence. Evil Bill S Preston Esquire speaking. It's them. They're back from the dead. Well, I guess we get to kill them again. (BOTH) Excellent! Hmm. Nah. (COUGHS) See you real soon. (COUGHS) Oh, yeah? Yeah, but this time, we're ready for you! Yeah! I think we can be ready for them too. Good luck getting to the concert, losers. Initiate final plan now. You got it, great one. Do not fail me. Metallic buffoons. The other me is a dick. Yeah. I hope the stations know what they're doing. Huh? (BOTH GRUMBLE) Station! What are you doing? Dudes! This is no time to be playing games! Euurgh! Station. (BOTH) Station. (ELECTRIC GUITARS) # "Battle Stations" - Winger # Break it up # I'm on a mission # Been caught between heaven and hell # My guitar is # My ammunition # Raise the flag # Sound the mission bell # Everybody # Always wants # Control of me # The only way # To get it's # Over my dead body # Take no prisoners # Open fire # Battle stations # There's someone trying to # Brainwash me # Battle stations # Six-string shooter # Here it screaming # Slicin' your head # Like a laser beam # It's true love # And I'm stuck in the middle # It makes me, makes me # M-M-Makes me scream # Never let you # Get between # Me and my guitar... # Whoa! That one's me, right? Station. Not bad. How's it going, good-robot Bill? How's it doing? "Kate Axelrod for KJM Channel 12, "reporting live from the San Dimas Civic Auditorium. "We're rocking at the fourth annual Battle of the Bands." "So, stay tuned and hold tight until we find out "who will be your winner." You guys ready? You're up. Where are the girls? Oh, they're hanging from the rafters. We're gonna kill 'em at the finale. Hmm, well, good luck, gentlemen. Bill, check it out. Whoa. Yeah. Not bad. Let's hear it for Primus! Station, are they ready? Station. Excellent work, dude. Wh-What about me? I made the wigs. OK, Death. I helped with shopping. Alright! I was pushing the cart. Do these work like we asked? Station. Whoa. You are a most excellent scientist, Station. Yeah. Plus you've got an excellently huge martian butt. (GROWLS) Station. (ELECTRIC GUITAR) Please feel free to split into two parts again and relax. Don't overlook my butt. I work out all the time. And reaping burns a lot of calories. OK. You two dudes ready to take on those evil us's and save the babes? (BOTH) Fight evil us's. Save the babes. Ready, Bill? Ready, Ted. Let's go get 'em. And now for the last band of the evening. Wyld Stallyns! Show us what you've got! How's it going, worms?! (SILENCE) I'm Bill S Preston Esquire! And I'm Ted Theodore Logan! (BOTH) Together we are Wyld Stallyns! (CROWD GASPS) Hold it right there. (BOTH) We're Wyld Stallyns! (BOTH) No, dudes, we're Wyld Stallyns! (AUDIENCE CHEERS) You totally killed us, you evil metal dickweeds. Yeah, and we're fully gonna do it again. Plus, we're gonna totally kill your girlfriends too. (CROWD GASPS) Don't worry, babes, we'll save you. Everybody, say hello to Station's creation - good robot Bill and Ted! Dude, we may have met our match. Kudos to you, good human us's. (BOTH) Catch you later, Bill and Ted. Catch you later, Bill and Ted. (BOTH) Whoa! Elizabeth. Theodore. Joanna. William. Who are you? Who am I? I am De Nomolos. I am their master. And I must see to it that you die. What? But first, ("SPANISH COMMENTARY") Bella, bella, bella. "We are now transmitting on every television channel throughout the world." (BOTH) My word. "I want the whole universe to behold this transfer of power." "No longer will our future society be based on the ideas and the music of these two fools." "They will be based on my ideas." "And my ideas alone." Dude, how we gonna get out of this? We don't got any time. Yeah, we do, dude. Look, after we get away from this guy, we use the booth. We time travel back to before the concert and set up the things we need to get him now. Whoa! Yeah, like what? Like, er,... like a sandbag. (BOTH) Excellent! Then we'll get a cage. My friends,... ..I too can play the time game. If you do that, once I've vanquished you, I will go back and set up this key. (CROWD GASPS) And another gun. There. You're right, dude, only there's one thing you didn't think of. Yeah! Only the winners are gonna be able to go back and set things up. Yeah, and that's gonna be us, dude. We set up the key and we set up the gun. (CROWD CHEERS) Excuse me. What? Your shoelace is untied. (LAUGHS) Melvined. (ELECTRIC GUITARS) You're under arrest, pal. Way to go, Dad. Book 'em, Dano. (ELECTRIC GUITARS) Good job, Death. Who was that guy? Perhaps I can answer that question, gentlemen. Miss Wardroe. Thanks for the help. Yeah. You know, we definitely... Yeah, take it off, baby! Whoa, man! (BOTH) Rufus! How long you been here, dude? Got here just in time for your audition, William. So, you were Mrs Wardroe all along? Hey, would anyone else have let you in this contest? (ALL) No. Now, amigos, that was Mr Chuck De Nomolos, my old gym teacher and, by the way, sit-up champion of the 27th Century. And now, gentlemen, I believe the stage belongs to you. Thanks, Rufus. "Dude, we still don't know how to play." Maybe we ought to get good, Ted. How? That was a fast 16 months of intensive guitar training, dude. Yeah. Except for that two-week medieval honeymoon. (BOTH) Hello, San Dimas! (CROWD) Hello! I want to introduce you to a friend of mine. This is little Ted. (CROWD) Hello, little Ted! And this is little Bill. Hello, little Bill! Now for the rest of our band. Ted. On congo and bongos, proof positive that you can't tell a book by its cover, the dude who can make one word mean anything - Station! And our back-up dancers, Station's most bodacious creations - the good robot us's! And over here, our bass player - the duke of spook, the doc of shock, the man with no tan, please say hello to death himself - the Grim Reaper! You might be a king or a little street sweeper but sooner or later you dance with the reaper. Get down with your bad self. I love show business. Ladies and gentlemen, we've been to the past, we've been to the future... We've been all around the afterlife. And, you know, Ted... The best place to be... ..is here. The best time to be... ..is now. And all we can say is... (BOTH) Let's rock! One! Two! (BOTH) One, two, three, four! # "God Gave Rock And Roll To You" - Kiss # God gave # Rock and roll to you # Gave rock and roll to you # Put it in the soul # Of everyone # Do you know what you want # You don't know for sure # Don't feel bad # You haven't found a cure # And you're getting less # Than what you're looking for # You don't have money # Or a fancy car # You're tired of wishing # On a falling star... Quite good, quite good. # In a loud guitar # God gave # Rock and roll to you # Gave rock and roll # To you # Gave rock and roll # To everyone # God gave # Rock and roll to you # Gave rock and roll # To you # Put it in the soul # Of everyone # Now, listen # If you wanna be a singer # Or play guitar # Man, you've gotta sweat # Or you won't get far # Cos it's never too late # To work nine to five # You can take a stand # Or you can compromise # You can work real hard # Or just fantasise # But you don't start living # Till you realise # I gotta tell you # God gave # Rock and roll to you # Gave rock and roll # To you # Gave rock and roll # To everyone # God gave rock and roll # To you # Gave rock and roll # To you # Put it in your soul # God gave rock and roll # To you # Gave rock and roll to you # Gave rock and roll # To everyone # God gave rock and roll # To you # Gave rock and roll to you # Save rock and roll # In everyone # Save rock and roll... "Good luck, boys."