(FUNKY UPBEAT THEME MUSIC) FEMALE: # La, la la-la, la la la, # la la-la, la la la, # la, la, la, la-la. Copyright Able 2017 (FUNKY MUSIC) Engine your grace into words. You are poetry. Broken, jagged poetry. Let yourself speak. You are heard. (FUNKY MUSIC) My name is Mohamed Hassan. I am 28 years old. I was born in Cairo and moved to Auckland when I was 8 years old. I am a poet, a storyteller and a journalist. Poetry has allowed me to unlock my true self creatively, but also personally, and to be able to express myself. But the one thing that I've really struggled to open up about in the past has been mental health. I've found that, generally, people have a hard time talking about depression, but also in my Muslim community, it's a taboo. People shy away from it. They don't wanna approach it at all. I've made a big decision to talk openly about depression and my own personal experiences with mental illness. And to do that, I wanna put on a whole show and call it 'Light'. The title represents seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, getting through tough times, like I did, and I hope that it's going to inspire others and open up a conversation. (FUNKY, UPBEAT MUSIC) Is this what's going down? This is exactly what's going down. So, guys, I have this idea about putting on a show, um, and it'll be a poetry show, but it'll be a lot more than that, and we'll bring on a bunch of different artists, and of course, I'd want both of you guys to be a part of this show. You're an actor, you're a poet, and I think that there's a lot of really positive messages that we can, you know, put forward in a show like this. Poetry is one of things, if you use it right, it can actually speak to people in a different way. And in our society, we shy away from that. We're taught not to talk openly about things, not to be vulnerable, not to look weak or` or emotional, um, especially as men, and you get into a poetry space, and all of a sudden, all of those things are thrown out the window because people wanna hear what you have to say. Mm. Because it's a necessity ` you have to vulnerable as an artist. I'm feeling kind of vulnerable right now. (LAUGHS) Nah, bro. No? No. No. I'm gonna shame my family on national television. (LAUGHTER) That's what's happening. (GROANS) Bro! It's` It is` (CRASH!) Shame! (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) I think both Rewa and Ahmed really vibe with what I'm trying to do. Gonna be a really great platform to tackle some really` you know, some really tough issues. Hopefully we can use this show as an opportunity to talk about them. (FUNKY MUSIC) I'm about to meet Reem Musa, who is an upcoming female Muslim rapper, which is cool. I've never done any music stuff within my poetry before, um, so there's a first for everything, right? I am very excited to meet her. (EERIE MELODY PLAYS) RAPS: # Something on my mind, telling me that these lies you are making, # selling me ultimatums, asking my about my motives. # And even though you did, I'm gonna keep moving, like that kid in those movies # with that happy ending. (MUSIC STOPS) Hey. Hey. That was really dope. Thank you. I really admire that you can use your music to tell your story. I think it's a way for me to kind of visually look at... my thoughts, instead of just having them in my head all the time. Um, I think I can relate to that. I've always been creative. I've always loved writing and poetry and music and all that kind of stuff, and for some reason, I told myself I needed to push that out, cos that wasn't what I was supposed to be doing. I think that's, like, the hardest thing. When you know something feels right, you have to do it, but then family holds you back. Yeah. After I left high school, I didn't really know what to do. Um, for some reason or another, I ended up getting into an engineering degree, right? You know, right? You know. (LAUGHS) I don't even have to explain it. Mm. Um, I guess` Yeah, I went through a pretty hard time. What kind of bad time? Pretty bad depression ` for about two years. I had a lot to say, and I felt like I couldn't say it. Did you have people that you could talk to? Um, I didn't feel like I could talk to my family. Mm. Some of my closest friends, I didn't feel like I could talk to. Mm. So, I think I'm ready to be able to talk about this and to share my story. I really wanna put on this show, and I was hoping that you could be part of the show too. Do you wanna maybe collab on something? OK. OK, cool. Cool. Let's do it. (MELLOW RAP BEAT PLAYS) RAPS: # So, I'm here with Reem in this studio, # trying to figure out how to flow, but I don't know. (LAUGHS) # Um` # I'm sorry I've insulted your craft. (LAUGHS) No, it's fine. It's fine. Everything's starting to crystallise, and I know now what the show needs to be. Talking to another young Muslim made me realise how relevant it is and how much pressure there is on young people to express themselves. All of this makes it even more important to get those young people to come to the show. (UPBEAT, MODERN MUSIC) Yo, my friend Haroun's here! We're just meeting up to have a chat and check out this awesome exhibition. 'Sup, man. Hey. Oh wow. There's a lot of respect to a lot of religions around here, eh? Yeah, there is. Where's the mosque, though? I don't see the mosque. (CHUCKLES) Yeah, I'd love a mosque around here. (LAUGHS) So, um, what do you wanna have a chat about? So, I'm working on this project, and one of things that I wanna do is that I wanna invite a lot of young people from the Muslim community. Mm. As Muslims, I think, because we're under a lot of pressure, whether that's in the media, whether that's because of things that are happening overseas, we'll try and be really protective of ourselves in order to be able to survive, you know ` just to kind of keep out that pressure ` and because of that, I think we have difficulty talking about some things. Mm-hm. And I think mental health could be one of them. Mm. So, although you're ready, do you think the rest of the community is ready? Because we have to remember we're still a young community. I don't know if we're ready or not. I hope we are. But I guess all I can do is talk about my experience and my story. I don't wanna solve everything with this one show or this one poem, but I just wanna be able to share my story and hope that someone out in that crowd needed to hear that, and I guess that's all I can do. Sounds amazing. Thanks, man. (UPBEAT MUSIC) I feel really good about talking to Haroun today. I think he really understood what I was trying to do. It's telling me that this is the right time; this is the right moment for me to be able to share my story and to open up. I'm not entirely sure whether everyone's gonna wanna hear what I have to say, whether they're ready to hear what I have to say, um, but I hope they will be. (QUIRKY MODERN MUSIC) (FUNKY MODERN MUSIC) 'He looks uncertain. I wonder if he's ever had... 'Pulled up from the water too soon...' It's three weeks until the show, and my poem is all over the place. I don't know how to end it. I don't know where it's going. I'm not quite sure what I'm trying to say, and it's really important that I figure that out because, you know, that's the whole point of the show. The other thing is I haven't brought this up with my family yet, and I owe them that much, right? I need to talk to them about how they're feeling and what their perspective is before I can go ahead. How's it going? What've you been up to? Um, I'm actually organising a show to talk about my own experiences going through depression. Oh, right. That's a lot. Yeah. What was that like for you? I felt somewhat detached from you during that period of time. You were going through something which a lot of people, particular in our community, assume that it's, um, something that you should just get over. The best thing I could do for you was just to be there when you needed me and then to give you you're space when you didn't. Yeah. I felt really isolated during that time. Um... I... I dunno. I felt like I was alone, and I didn't know how to let people in, let alone trying to explain it to someone, um, especially` you know, especially our parents. I sympathise with our parents at the time as well, because, like, no parents ever wanna feels like their child feels that way, and, you know, I think since then, um, poetry's been a big part of... you breaking through that, and, you know, I think our parents both are very proud what you've accomplished. You think so? Yeah, nah, definitely. Hmm. (UPBEAT MUSIC) I think, over the last few years, my family's starting to understand who I am and the kind of things that drive me and the kind of things that I'm passionate about. I don't think we're quite there yet, but the more conversations that we can have, the more open and honest that we can be, and that's one me as well, to be more open and honest with them. I think we can get to a better place. (UPBEAT MUSIC) OK. So, I have to be honest and open, but right now, I really need some inspiration for my poem, so I've put together a focus group. (UPBEAT ELECTRIC ROCK MUSIC) So, guys, what are you not supposed to say to someone who's depressed? 'Give it time.' Oh, yeah? Yeah. It just means nothing. 'Give it time.' Well, what? Tomorrow? A week? A month? A year? People tell me that where I come from, they always need to, like` Cos I'm from the war background, people think I'm always depressed. That's pretty stink. The one that I always get told is, 'Cheer up. It's all in your head.' Oh, yeah. Yeah. Right? 'Move on. Get over it.' 'It's not a big deal.' I believe it's my shot. Yeah. Go for it. One shot, in. Oh, yes! (CHEERS) Are you serious?! What?! That's how you do it, boys. Made it to the pirate ship. Yes! (LAUGHS) What do you do when you're feeling really down? Sometimes I go for a run, but most of the time, I just go inside my room, shut the door, blast some music and dance. I should try that. Yeah, you should. (LAUGHS) What about you? What do you think you need in that situation? Just having someone there... but not having to ask that person to be there. Cos if you ask them, it's almost like they have to do it. Whereas if they just do it, then it feels good. It's important to have people around you that can support you, right? Yeah, and that you trust 100%. Yeah. OK, here we go. (LAUGHS) Oh! Yeah, yeah, wait for it. (ALL CHEER) Oh, high five to that. High five. Nice. (LAUGHS) Ayah and Izadine have a great attitude, and that's really inspiring. It's good to see those two have found some light in the darkness, and I'm really going to draw on that. So, I have just finished penning my verse, and we're going to go have a run through right now. I've invited a cellist along as well, which is cool, and hopefully it's going to give us a better idea of where we're going because, oh my God, the show is in one week! (WHINES) (HIP-HOP MUSIC) Right. I'm thinking that I could start the poem, and then after a little bit, you could come in. Yeah. And then a little while after that, Reem could come in. When I'm feeling it, I'll just be like... Yup. (IMITATES GUITAR STRUM) Mm-hm. All right. RECITES: On a scale of one to 10, how often do you think about death? Robert Sullivan says every writer has an element he cannot escape. It makes us write down what we think we are, and it's obvious. (HIP-HOP BEAT BEGINS) I don't know how long I've been lying here. This living room carpet is seabed. The water crawling up the walls and filling everything between me and the rest of the world. I stare up at everything. (MOURNFUL CELLO NOTE) One. How did you guys feel about that? I've got a rough outline of how it kind of flows. Mm-hm. Yeah. I really like when you were plucking the different notes, cos it kind of gives it a little bit of edgy, so it doesn't, like, completely, like, sink to the ground. It's pretty heavy. (CHUCKLES) Um, yeah, and so you've got the band, right? Yup. Yup. Yup. Um, yeah, so their name's Chem. Um, he plays the gat and she sings. Mm. And` Yeah, and they're just a two-piece band. They're real` real solid. So, are we, like, talking, like, five people? Or is anybody gonna come? I have no idea. You know how it goes. You just invite a whole bunch of people, and then you hope that they show up. Yeah. If it's at 7 o'clock, you have to say it's at 5 o'clock, cos, you know, Arab timing. Yeah. (LAUGHS) Yeah, exactly. I know Arab timing. Free food. There isn't gonna be free food, but they don't need to know that. Just tell them that. Now, put the signs as, you know, like bred crumbs, and then people will come slowly. (LAUGHS) Yeah, but hummus crumbs. Like the Arab Hansel and Gretel. (LAUGHTER) (UPBEAT MUSIC) So, that was kind of a mess. We had a bit of a practice, but we're not quite there yet. We've actually got a lot of work to do, and the show's coming up really soon. I'm also worried that I haven't really reached out to my target audience, which are obviously young Muslims. I need to get on that or else nobody's gonna show up. (FUNKY MUSIC) Salaam alaikum. Alaikum salaam. Thank you so much, Naima, for agreeing to meet with me. Um, I have a little bit of a confession to make. I've been organising this show. It's a poetry show. It's coming up this weekend, but I haven't been getting the people to come to it, and I'm wondering if you can help me do that. What's your show about? Uh, well, it's called 'Light', and I really hope to use it as an opportunity to talk about mental health, mental illness, and I really want to open up the conversation in the Muslim community, and I really want young people there. First of all, I think it's a long time coming. This event should've happened, you know, earlier, maybe a couple of years ago, because it's a stigma in our community, and it's not really normalised. Like, mental health is not really in the vocabulary of many Muslim community, and once they hear the word, they definitely retreat and think it's a Western issue. I'll definitely get the word out, invite all the kids that I know, all the youth that I know, post it on Facebook. So if we invite these young people, do you think they'll show up? I'll make sure they show up. Awesome. That's exactly what I wanna hear. (LAUGHS) All good. (HIP-HOP MUSIC) This is a promo video to convince people to come to the show. They're gonna watch this and realise that they have to cancel all of their plans. Hi. I'm Rewa. And I'm Husam. Wait, wait. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) Wait, wait. OK, we'll do one more. Hi. I'm Rewa. And I'm Husam. BOTH: And we're from the Waxed Poetic Revival. Tell people why they should come to the show. There's going to be food. Look at his beard. Poetry is good. We're gonna be tackling taboo things ` sexuality, vulnerability, toxic masculinity, mental illness, especially. What's the show called? It's called 'Light'. As you can see, it's very lit in here` (CHORTLES) ...because it's gonna be lit at the show. Nobody says 'lit' any more, man. No, it's still lit. It's gonna be very lit. All right. It's gonna be lit. Yeah. (LAUGHS) That's a wrap. If people don't come now, I don't know what else we're gonna do to get them here. (UPBEAT MUSIC) (SIGHS) All right. So, it's the big day today. I'm really stressed out, but I'm hopeful that everything's gonna fall into place and people are gonna show up and it's gonna be great. Can we get Ben to just start playing the music? Yeah. And then we'll get ready. OK, cool. Yeah? (DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) (MELLOW MUSIC) I'm gonna be talking about depression, and I'm gonna be talking about mental illness, and it's gonna be kinda heavy. (MELLOW MUSIC) It's gonna be the first time talking in front of a big crowd that includes my mum and my brother and people from the community, young Muslims, my friends. I'm gonna be telling them about things that I've never actually told them before. They're gonna get an insight into what it was like for me going through depression. I am a little bit nervous. Most people have butterflies in their stomach when they're nervous. I get, like, these tingly sensations on my fingers, and I'm definitely getting them now. This is a big moment for me. Welcome to our show 'Light', so give yourselves a round of applause for making it here! (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) I watched a woman sing Blue Bayou to my dad. And that's still the closest definition anyone is gonna get. (APPLAUSE) I just wanna say how great this is. I have never seen so many Arabs in one place. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) REWA: Um, without further ado, our last poet tonight, Mohamed Hassan. Huge round of applause, please. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) This is a poem called 'The Flood'. On a scale of one to 10, how often do you think about death? I can feel the doctor shifting in his seat. (CELLO PLAYS) I have this dream that I am trapped in a large wooden house. I stare up at everything. All of my friends, laughing. Everybody I love living life, their faces shimmering just above the surface, but none of their light can reach me ` not if I stretch out both arms and smile. And smile, and smile, and, 'Cheer up,' and, 'Life's not that bad,' and, 'It's all in your head,' and, 'Stop making a big deal out of everything.' I am trying. I am trying. (SOFT APPLAUSE) I've been trying to write this poem for six years. (CELLO PLAYS SLOWLY) Trying to pick the perfect analogy to describe the worst years of my life, but every time I do, it feels distant. Disingenuous. But I do know this ` that one day, out of nowhere, I woke up, and the darkness felt a little bit lighter. On a scale of one to 10, how grateful are you that you are still here? (CELLO PLAYS SLOWLY) Honestly? 10. Thank you, guys, very much. (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) (MELLOW MUSIC) I feel like my mum listened to that poem, understood what I was going through, understood how I was feeling and the kind of place that I was in. I think it was a lot for her to listen to her son go through all those things, but I'm really glad she got to hear it. OK. (LAUGHS) I'm really proud of you, man. I really appreciate you opening up, because it taught me a lot. Wallahi azeem. It really did. Well done, bro. I'm really proud of you. Thank you. I'm really proud. I felt your interpretation of mental health was really powerful. I feel like it's given a lot of people more confidence to be like, 'OK, he's gone through it. 'He's made it, and, like, I can too.' It's really good to hear that you guys resonate with that. 'I have done something really important for myself.' I've talked about a lot of other things, but I haven't talked about this ` I haven't talked about depression, mental illness ` and I feel so empowered to be able to carry on knowing that I finally conquered this one moment. And I think it's gonna mean a lot to me in the future. Captions by Tom Pedlar. Edited by Glenna Casalme. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2017