(UPBEAT POP SONG PLAYING) # YOUR TECHNIQUE, IT LEAVES ME WEAK # # MY HEART KNOWS IT'S THE BEAT I SEEK # # AND I FOUND IT # # JUST GOT LUCKY # # OH, YES, I FOUND IT # # JUST GOT LUCKY # # I NEVER WORRY THAT YOUR LOVE IS FAKE # # I'M FEELING EASY AND I'M FEELING JAKE # # 'CAUSE I FOUND IT # # JUST GOT LUCKY # # OH, BOY, I FOUND IT # # JUST GOT LUCKY # # 'CAUSE I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE. # (SONG ENDS) MORNING, OSCAR! MORNING, MISS ALBRIGHT. FINDING A CAB MAY TAKE A WHILE IN THIS MESS. NO UMBRELLA? YOU REALLY THINK I NEED ONE? (BIRDS CHIRPING) GUESS NOT. THANKS. HAVE A GOOD ONE. OH... NICE. BYE. FIRST STOP, 66TH AND BROADWAY. I NEED TO BE THERE IN FOUR MINUTES, PLEASE. OH, YEAH, THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN (!) HI. DANA? WNYH, YOU'RE CALLER SEVEN. CAN YOU NAME OUR MYSTERY SONG? OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN. SORRY. THAT'S RIGHT, YOU WIN! BOY, THAT'S, LIKE, FIVE GREENS IN A ROW. THE FORCE IS STRONG THIS MORNING, BOY. DANA, LOOKS LIKE I'M RUNNING A LITTLE EARLY, SO I'M GONNA MAKE A STOP AT BALDUCCI'S. MUFFIN? I'M THE MASTER OF MY UNIVERSE. POSITIVE ENERGY, POSITIVE RESULTS. (DOG BARKING) OH, PERFECT, TAKING THE DOG FOR A WALK. GOOD MORNING, MR. PHILLIPS. I WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THE HOTTEST BAND IN NEW YORK CITY. MAGIC TIME. OH, PERFECT. OH... FIND A PENNY... (PANTS TEARING) MR. PHILLIPS, EXCUSE ME! HERE WE GO. LIFT. WE GOOD? BRING IT AROUND, BRING IT AROUND. THAT'S IT. (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) (BELL DINGS) MAN: HEY, HOLD IT, PLEASE. OH. THANKS. YOU'RE WELCOME. (DOG WHIMPERING) COME ON, BABY. BABY MADE A POO-POO. NOW, LET'S GO. (WHISTLE) BABY, YOUR POO-POO'S COSTING ME. (WHIMPERS) (STRAINING) HAPPY?! HI. MORNING. (CHUCKLES): SWEET. (GROANS) (BARKING) OH, GOSH, ARE YOU OKAY? GET OFF ME. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ARE YOU OKAY? GET OFF ME! HERE, LET ME HELP YOU UP. STOP HITTING ME. LET ME HELP YOU UP. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. OH, MY GOD. HELP! HELP! HEY YOU! DON'T MOVE! THIS IS NOT... THIS IS NOT... OH, NOT GOOD. HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY! NOT GOOD. STAY THERE! OH, SON OF A... (GRUNTING) I NEED BACKUP! 2-88 IN THE PARK. (SHOUTING) HEY, YOU! STAY THERE! BUT, BUT... PURSUING ON FOOT. WE'RE MAKING MUSIC HERE, WE'RE NOT MAKING CHICKEN. WELL, GET IT DONE. WE NEED THIS DONE. SIR, EXCUSE ME. GOOD MORNING, MR. PHILLIPS. I HAVE A BRAND NEW... GOTCHA! MR. PHILLIPS. GIMME YOUR ARM, PERVERT! TAKE A QUICK LISTEN. YOU SMELL LIKE DOG CRAP. OFFICER, CAN YOU TAKE ME TO THE 36TH PRECINCT? THEY'RE NICE TO ME THERE. (BELL DINGS) YOU PROMISE? 6:00? OKAY, I'LL BE THE REDHEAD WHO LOOKS LIKE THIS. IN THAT CASE, I'LL BE THERE AT 5:30. OKAY. (SHOUTING) MORNING, MAGGIE. OH, WHAT ARE YOU SO CHIPPER ABOUT? BRAD PITT AND JUDE LAW HAD A BABY, AND I JUST MET HIM IN THE ELEVATOR. BRADEN AND COMPANY, CAN I HELP YOU? SOMEBODY ORDERED BALDUCCI'S. OH, YUM. EXCUSE ME. WHAT'S HAPPENING ON THIS BODY? IS THIS A NEW COAT? YEAH, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? SAMPLE SALE, 50% OFF. AND HER COAT MET SOMEONE. DAVID PENNINGTON. OWNER OF THE BOSTON CELTICS, DAVID PENNINGTON? NO, SILLY, IT'S HIS SON. IMPRESSIVE. BUT I, TOO, HAD A REALLY GREAT MORNING. APPARENTLY SATURN IS IN LINE WITH NEPTUNE. DANA, YOU KNOW THOSE THINGS AREN'T EXACTLY FACTUAL, RIGHT? OOH, OOH, AND MY NEW SONG GOT A REALLY POLITE REJECTION LETTER FROM TWO TONE RECORDS, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY-- ONE DOOR CLOSES AND TWO DOORS OPEN. SPEAKING OF DOORS, UH, THE PHILLIPS MEETING, WHEN IS IT? NOW. ALL RIGHT, I'VE GOT TO GO TAKE NOTES. OKAY. I WILL SEE YOU GUYS AFTER. BYE. CAN I HAVE ONE OF THOSE? DO YOU WANT THE BRAN? WHERE IS EVERYBODY? (ALARM BLARING, SHOUTING) LOOK, OUR SOUNDSCANS LAST WEEK WERE 470,000. THAT'S WHY WE DESERVE... YES, WE DESERVE TO BE AT THE FRONT OF THE STORE. LOOK, YOU TELL HIM BECAUSE I SAID SO. YOU TELL HIM DAMON PHILLIPS SAID SO. I'M HANGING UP NOW. I THOUGHT WE HAD A MEETING. OH, THEY SHOULD BE HERE SOON. IF YOU'D CARE TO... WAIT? THIS IS A BIG INSULT. D DOESN'T WAIT FOR ANYBODY. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. NO ONE, OKAY? AND HE IS FURIOUS. AIN'T THAT RIGHT? IT'S TRUE, I'M FURIOUS. THEY SHOULD BE HERE AT ANY SECOND, I PROMISE. (ALARM BLARING) WOMAN: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! (PEOPLE SHOUTING) OH, LOOK, I JUST GOT AN IM FROM MISS BRADEN AND IT SAYS SHE'S DOING SOME FINAL TOUCHES ON AN EXTRA SPECIAL PRESENTATION FOR YOU, AND SHE'LL BE RIGHT HERE. RIGHT. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH DOWNTOWN MASQUERADE RECORDS MADE LAST YEAR? YES, $507 MILLION, GROSS. THEREFORE, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH EACH AND EVERY MINUTE OF MY TIME IS WORTH. $964. DAMN, THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY. I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT. YEAH, AND THAT INCLUDES THE TIME THAT YOU'RE SLEEPING. SO EVEN WHEN I GO POO-POO, I'M MAKING MONEY. THAT'S SOME EXPENSIVE SHIT. DAMN SKIPPY. SO YOU SEE WHY I CAN'T AFFORD TO WASTE ANY TIME? AND THIS IS WASTED TIME. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT. IF YOU COULD JUST GIVE ME A MOMENT, THEN I WILL START. PLEASE, IF IT'S NOT WORTH THE MINUTE, THEN I WILL GIVE YOU $965. HMM. BECAUSE, PERSONALLY, I THINK YOU'RE UNDERPAID. HOPE YOU HAVE YOUR CHEQUE BOOK. (DISTANT SIREN WAILING) (HORNS HONKING) (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S RAINING AGAIN. (ALARM CONTINUES) LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT FIRST! (ALL SHOUTING) SARA. YES. DAMON: RIGHT. NO. OF COURSE. WELL... RIGHT. DAMON. DAMON, I'M SO SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING. UH-HUH. (EXHALES) WITH CHEESE. OKAY. SO I JUST NEED TO GET THE FILES AND WE CAN START THE PRESENTATION IN... NO, NO, WE'RE DONE. DAMON, PLEASE, THE ELEVATOR WAS STUCK. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? MISS ALBRIGHT PITCHED ME YOUR ENTIRE PR STRATEGY. IT'S BRILLIANT. ESPECIALLY THE PART ABOUT THE PARTY. OH. A PA-PARTY? YEAH, THE MASQUERADE BASH THING-- I LOVE IT. OH, YOU LIKE THAT? YEAH, IT'S A GREAT WAY TO SHOWCASE OUR TALENT AND GET A TAX WRITE-OFF. AND SUPPORT A GOOD CAUSE. AND YOU KNOW I CAN NEVER SAY NO TO A PARTY. # WHAT YOU SAY? # # WHAT YOU SAY? WHAT YOU SAY? # ME, TOO. I LOVE TO... PAR-TAY. DON'T DO THAT. MASQUERADE BASH? I-I'M REALLY SORRY, MISS BRADEN. I JUST... I TOOK NOTES AT OTHER MEETINGS, AND THEN I JUST IMPROVISED FROM THERE. WELL, LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GOT A BIG PARTY TO PLAN. RIGHT, RIGHT, YEAH. OF COURSE YOU'LL NEED YOUR OWN OFFICE. WHAT? ME? YOUR IDEA, YOU'RE IN CHARGE. SARA. HUH? FIND ASHLEY A NEW OFFICE AND GET HER A COMPANY CREDIT CARD. THANK YOU, MISS BRADEN. OH, PLEASE. ASHLEY, FROM NOW ON, IT'S PEGGY. PEGGY. PEGGY. (CHUCKLES) AND YOU ARE? MAIL. WHATEVER. AND DON'T WORRY, ASHLEY, I'LL BE WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE. SARA. YES, MA'AM. KATY, I'M HOME. HEY, JAKE. HEY. GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? FOURTH-GRADE BOYS. THEY'RE THE WORST, AREN'T THEY? LET ME SEE. WHAT'S IT STUCK ON WITH? KRAZY GLUE. HUH. BEEN THERE. (CHUCKLES) LEAST YOU HAD A BETTER DAY THAN ME. BURGER? OF COURSE. KETCHUP FOR YOU. KATY, WHERE'S MY BUN? OH, IT'S IN THE OVEN, GRANDMA. AH! SHE'S GOT A BUN IN THE OVEN? HEY, JAKE. HEY, AUNT MARTHA. (SIGHS): NOW, KATY, I'LL BE BACK AFTER MY SHIFT AT MIDNIGHT. COOL. STAY OUT OF TROUBLE. OKAY. LOVE YOU, JAKE. LOVE YOU, TOO. KATY, MIND YOUR COUSIN. I'LL KEEP AN EYE ON HER. SEE YA. READY? WAIT. IS IT GONNA STING? 'CAUSE I KIND OF LIKE WEARING IT. WELL, IT'S NOT GONNA STING IF YOU HOLD STILL. OW. OW. OW... HOLD STILL. IT'S GONNA BE FINE. WHAT... ONE, TWO, THREE. THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO. WAIT, HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON. ALL RIGHT. WHAT DO YOU SAY? THANK YOU, JAKE. YOU'RE MY HERO. GIVE ME SOME SKIN. YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS. THIS IS DEFINITELY A, UH, CHOKING HAZARD. ALL RIGHT. BYE. SEE YA. (GROAN, GLASS SHATTERS) NOT AGAIN! OH! SO, WHERE'S HE TAKING YOU? A BASKETBALL GAME. HIS DAD'S TEAM IS PLAYING PHILLY. NOT SEXY ENOUGH. HOME OR AWAY? AWAY. LET ME GUESS... ON HIS PRIVATE JET WHICH HE FLIES HIMSELF? SO WRONG. HE HAS A PILOT. SPEAKING OF DATES, HELLO! WE SHOULD TRY TO FIND THE DRAGON LADY ONE FOR THE BASH. THAT WAY SHE WON'T BE ALL OVER US WATCHING OUR EVERY MOVE. MMM, GOOD LUCK. MEN OF PEGGY'S CALIBRE DON'T EXACTLY TAKE ADS IN THE YELLOW PAGES. (SCOFFS) COULD YOU POSSIBLY IDOLIZE HER ANY MORE? WHAT? SHE'S SOPHISTICATED, GLAMOROUS, GETS INVITED EVERYWHERE AND NEVER HAS TO STAY HOME BECAUSE SHE HAS NOTHING TO WEAR. RIGHT, NOTHING TO WEAR. (DOORBELL RINGS) COMING! I'LL GET IT. I'M COMING. I'M COMING. FIND AN OUTFIT. I FOUND ONE. (SQUEALS) OOH, OOH, OOH! WHOA, WHO IS THAT? DOWN, GIRL, YOU'RE DROOLING ON MY DOORMAT. OOH! OH, IT'S MY NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOUR. OOH! SHH! ANTONIO. OH, HEY, ASHLEY. HEY. YOUR DRY CLEANING WAS DELIVERED WHILE YOU WERE OUT, SO I TOOK IT. I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND. OH, YOU ARE SUCH AN ANGEL. THANK YOU. I DO WHAT I CAN. (CHUCKLES) BIG DATE TONIGHT? KIND OF BIG. YOU? AH, EVERY NIGHT IS DATE NIGHT. (GIGGLES) OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU LATER. THANKS. BYE. OH, HEY, ANTONIO. ARE YOU FREE NEXT THURSDAY? I'M NEVER FREE. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND? WELL, YOU WON'T WANT TO MISS THIS. MASQUERADE RECORDS IS THROWING AN OUTRAGEOUS PROMO PARTY-- FOOD, FUN, DANCING... AND A BLIND DATE WITH MY BOSS? YOUR BOSS? WHAT'S SHE LIKE? SHE'S A VERY SMART, STRONG AND INDEPENDENT WOMAN. IS SHE GOOD LOOKING? OF COURSE. OKAY, LOOK, IF YOU THINK WE'LL HIT IT OFF, THEN THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. OH, YOU'RE THE BEST. THANK YOU SO MUCH. BYE. (BLOWS KISS) BYE. (SIGHS): YES... A DATE FOR THE DRAGON LADY. (SQUEALS) YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T MINE. WHOSE IS IT? (GASPS) SARAH JESSICA PARKER'S! (SCREAMS) WHAT? NOT KIDDING. WHAT?! I DID NOT KNOW SARAH JESSICA PARKER LIVED IN YOUR BUILDING. OH, MY GOD, AND LOOK, IT'S DOLCE. (SIGHS) OH, MY GOSH. I CAN RETURN IT TOMORROW. LET ME LOOK. AH, YES, YOUR SIZE. WHAT ARE THE ODDS? DON'T BE JEALOUS. (SIGHS) YOU KNOW, THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY LOOK CUTE ON ME. YOU SHOULD TOTALLY WEAR IT TONIGHT. OF COURSE. YEAH, I'M GONNA NEED SOME CHOCOLATE NOW. I'M GONNA NEED SOME MILK. I'M GONNA GO TRY ON THE DRESS. (WINGS FLAPPING) THANKS. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) CYCLIST: HEY, ASSHOLE! HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING! SORRY. SORRY. (HORN HONKING) OKAY. YEAH, ONE, TWO, CHECK. SOUND CHECK. (DRUMMER COUNTS OFF RHYTHM ON CYMBALS) # SHE'S GOT A LIP RING AND FIVE COLOURS IN HER HAIR # # NOT INTO FASHION, BUT I LOVE THE CLOTHES SHE WEARS # # HER TATTOO'S ALWAYS HIDDEN... # HEY, JAKE. HEY, MAC. # SHE DON'T CARE # # EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW HER NAME # # I THREW A HOUSE PARTY AND SHE CAME # # EVERYONE ASKS ME # # "WHO THE HELL IS SHE?" # # THAT WEIRDO WITH FIVE COLOURS IN HER HAIR # HEY, HEY... HEY, JAKE? JAKE, HOW'D IT GO? SO, UH, SO, YOU GOT PHILLIPS THE CD? UH, NOT E... NOT EXACTLY. YOU KNOW, WE JUST HAD SOME SCHEDULING CONFLICTS WE HAD TO DEAL WITH. JAKE, THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR WEEKS. GUYS, WE'RE RIGHT ON TRACK. TRUST ME. THERE ARE EVEN GONNA BE A COUPLE OF A&R GUYS HERE TONIGHT. HEY, JAKE, THERE'S A CLOGGED TOILET IN THE MEN'S ROOM. UH... AND I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO PLUNGING IT, MAC, BUT NOT UNTIL MY SHIFT STARTS, WHICH IS IN TWO HOURS. PRETEND IT'S A GRAMMY. GRAMMY? GRAMMY IT IS. OKAY. (BOWLING PINS FALL) SO I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF THIS. KEEP UP THE ENERGY. HIT THAT G, TOM. WE'RE GONNA HAVE A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT, GUYS. (COUNTING OFF WITH DRUMSTICKS) # SHE'S JUST A LONER WITH A SEXY ATTITUDE # (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) # WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SMILE # # CAN I STAY FOR AWHILE? # # ON THIS BEAUTIFUL NIGHT # # MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT... # DAVID: HERE WE GO. THANK YOU. I THOUGHT WE WERE TAKING A JET. THIS TAKES US TO THE JET. OH, WELL, THIS IS DEFINITELY GOING IN MY DIARY. (SQUEALS) GOOD EVENING, BAYONNE. ASHLEY, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT GORGEOUS DRESS? (GIGGLES): DON'T ASK. # MAYBE I WILL SAY # # WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT # # MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT # # A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT... # (BOWLING PINS FALL) # SOME GUYS HAVE ALL THE LUCK # # SOME GUYS GET ALL THE FUN # # SOME GUYS HAVE ALL THE LUCK # (CHUCKLING) # ALL THE LUCK... # HI, HOW ARE YOU? HI. GUYS, YOU'RE ON. GENTLEMEN, ENJOY THE SHOW. COCKTAILS ON US. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GIVE IT UP FOR THE HOTTEST ROCK BAND IN NEW YORK CITY-- MCFLY! (POWER POP INTRO PLAYS) # SHE'S GOT A LIP RING AND FIVE COLOURS IN HER HAIR # # NOT INTO FASHION, BUT I LOVE THE CLOTHES SHE WEARS # # HER TATTOO'S ALWAYS HIDDEN BY HER UNDERWEAR # # SHE DON'T CARE # (YELLS) # EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW... # (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK) (SHOUTING) KEEP ON GOING, I GOT IT! (FEEDBACK CONTINUES) OH! YEAH. (JAKE GROANS) YOU-YOU'RE FIRING ME? YOU DON'T EVEN PAY ME. LOOK, JAKE, YOU'RE GOOD. I MEAN, YOU DID FIND US. IT'S JUST... BUT? WHAT'S THE "BUT"? BUT WE JUST THINK IT'S TIME TO GO HOME. YEAH. YEAH. NO, YOU CAN'T GO BACK HOME. WE'RE THIS CLOSE, GUYS. BUT JAKE, WE HAVEN'T HAD ANY LUCKY BREAKS OVER HERE, AND... YEAH, AND POOR DOUG MISSES HIS MUM. YEAH. HE DOES. HE CRIES EVERY NIGHT. (GROANS) ONE WEEK. HOW'S THAT? HOW'S THAT? ONE WEEK. YOU GIVE ME ONE WEEK. AND IF I CAN'T MAKE IT HAPPEN FOR YOU GUYS BY THEN, THEN I... THEN I GET IT. WE'RE DONE. YOU CAN GO BACK HOME, NO HARD FEELINGS. ONE WEEK. OKAY, ONE WEEK. ONE WEEK. ONE WEEK. ALL RIGHT. GET SOME REST, GUYS. MUM'S GONNA HAVE TO WAIT ONE MORE WEEK, DOUG. (LAUGHING) OOH! ONE WEEK. (INDISTINCT VOICES) SO, DID YOU? OKAY, DAVID PENNINGTON IS A GENTLEMAN. WE KISSED. (SQUEALS) BORING. CHECK, PLEASE, ZUKI. OKAY. THANK YOU. SO WAS IT A NORMAL KISS, OR WAS IT A SUPERNATURAL, TINGLING-IN-YOUR-TOES, BUTTERFLIES-IN-YOUR-TUMMY SORT OF KISS? IT WAS... ENOUGH TO GET HIM TO ASK ME ON ANOTHER DATE. OH! THANK YOU. NO, NO, NO, NO. UH-UH. UH, W-WAIT, WHAT'S THAT? SENOR PLATINUM SAYS LUNCH IS ON HIM. I CAN'T STAND THIS. WHAT? NOW, ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE, PEGGY BRADEN HAS GIVEN YOU WORLDWIDE BUYING POWER? OKAY, THERE'S POSITIVE ENERGY, AND THEN THERE'S JUST PLAIN DUMB LUCK. HERE WE GO AGAIN. MAGGIE, YOU'VE KNOWN ME SINCE THE SEVENTH GRADE, RIGHT? OKAY, WILL YOU PLEASE TELL HER THAT I'M NOT LUCKY? WELL, YOU WERE VOTED PROM QUEEN AT FRANKLIN HIGH. SO? WE WENT TO JEFFERSON. THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. OKAY. WHAT?! (LAUGHING): ARE YOU KIDDING? THANK YOU, ASHLEY. THANK YOU. THANK YOU, ASHLEY. THANK YOU, ASHLEY. FACE IT, BABE, WHEN THEY WHACKED YOU WITH THAT LUCKY STICK, THEY WHACKED YOU GOOD. YOU GUYS ARE SILLY. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. OKAY... ALL RIGHT, IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU HAVE THE LUCK GENE, THEN YOU WOULDN'T MIND TAKING A LITTLE TEST. TEST? YEAH. TEST? COOL! WHAT KIND OF TEST? OOH, SORRY. EXCUSE-MOI. HI. ONE SCRATCHER, PLEASE. OH! WHAT KIND? YOU WANT TO PICK? THIS IS NOT A FAIR TEST. I HAPPEN TO BE VERY GOOD AT THESE. THE GREEN ONE. IT'S A LOTTERY. NOBODY'S GOOD AT THEM. DOLLAR. THANK YOU. GUYS? COME ON. I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, THIS IS SILLY. DO IT, DO IT, DO IT. OKAY. NO PEEKING. WHY? IT'S MY SCRATCHER. WHAT'D YOU GET, WHAT'D YOU GET, WHAT'D YOU GET? FIVE, TEN, 15... I TOLD YOU I WAS GOOD AT THESE. YOU ARE THE LUCKIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. HOW DO YOU DO IT, ASH? HOW DO YOU DO IT? I TOLD YOU, YOU JUST SCRATCH THE SILVER BOXES. SCRATCH? YOU JUST SCRATCH? I COULD KILL YOU! HEY, WATCH IT. I CAN'T AFFORD TO BE INJURED. I HAVE GOT A MAJOR EVENT TO PLAN. OOH! AND WE HAVE A WALK-THROUGH DOWNTOWN WITH PEGGY IN TEN MINUTES. TAXI! WE HAVE TO PICK UP THE PRESENTATION BOARDS. WE'RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT. NEGATIVITY. THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. THAT'S TRUE. BYE, SWEETS. MAKE MAMA PROUD! OF COURSE. LOVE YOU! AU REVOIR! HOW YOU FEELING? NERVOUS. SHE'S GONNA LOVE IT. OKAY. ALL RIGHT. HOW ABOUT RIGHT HERE? YEAH. THIS PLACE IS AMAZING. HI, MS. BRADEN. AH! SORRY. PEGGY. SO, ARE YOU READY TO BE IMPRESSED? I'M READY TO HAVE QUESTIONS. OF COURSE. I WOULD HOPE SO. OKAY, SO, WE'RE GOING FOR A CARNIVAL-LIKE ATMOSPHERE. WE'LL HAVE AN UPSCALE MIXTURE OF VIP'S, CELEBS AND RECORD-INDUSTRY INSIDERS. ONLY... EVERYONE WILL WEAR MASKS. (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY) INTERESTING. WE'LL HAVE A DEEJAY, CIRCUS PERFORMERS, FORTUNE-TELLERS... ATMOSPHERE SMOKE AND NEON. OVER HERE WILL BE THE VIP AREA. (MUSIC GROWS LOUDER) WE'LL HAVE CHAMPAGNE-- ONLY THE BEST-- DOM PERIGNON SERVED BY WAITERS ON STILTS. THEN, A STAGE WITH MASQUERADE'S LATEST VIDEOS AND PROFESSIONAL DANCERS. (PARTYGOERS CHEERING) AND OVER THERE, LITTLE ALCOVES, WITH COUCHES AND WITH DRAPES TO GIVE PEOPLE PRIVACY. OVERHEAD, SKY DANCERS. NOW, I WANT PEOPLE TO FEEL LIKE ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN HERE. # JUMP, JUMP, JUMP # # JUMP A LITTLE HIGHER # # GO, GO, GO # # EVERYBODY'S JUMPING AROUND # (SIGHS) IT'S GONNA BE A MAGICAL NIGHT. # AND EVERYBODY'S JUMPING AROUND # # JUMP TILL YOU DROP ON THE PARTY AT THE CLUB # # YOU KEEP THE TUNES COMING, LITTLE DARLING, STIR IT UP # # KICK IT HIGH, KICK IT LOW, LET THE BASS DRUM ROLL # # IT MAKES ME WANT TO JUMP, IT MAKES ME WANT TO JUMP # THE HIRED DANCERS... ARE DOING THEIR THING. AND PHILLIPS? IS HAPPY AND IS GOING UP IN FIVE. PEGGY, I'VE GOT IT COVERED. SEE THAT YOU DO, MY DEAR. # SO, GIVE ME THE NEW MUSIC MAKE ME JUMP... # OH, THANK GOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I OWE YOU BIG-TIME. SO... WHICH ONE IS SHE? OH, SHE'S THE TALL, BLONDE ONE NEAR THE FORTUNE-TELLER. AH... VERY NICE. YEAH, SHE'S A LITTLE HIGH-STRUNG. NO PROBLEM. THAT IS GON' COST YOU EXTRA. YOU'RE TERRIBLE. BUT A DOLL. NOW GO. I HAVE WORK TO DO. SO DO I. # GO, GO, GO # # EVERYBODY'S JUMPING AROUND # MAN: ANOTHER FREELOADER. WHAT? NO, NO, NO. IF THEY'RE NOT ON THE LIST, THEY CANNOT GET IN. NO EXCEPTIONS. (INDISTINCT VOICES) I'M ON THE LIST. PLUS ONE. I'M ON THE LIST... IT'S THE JACKET... OW! MY FOOT! SORRY. THEY THREW ME. FREAK! WHAT A LOSER. (MUTTERING) (GROANS) (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY) UH... EH... MMM... IS THIS THE MASQUERADE BASH? ARE YOU RONALD? UH, YEAH, YEAH. TH-THAT'S ME, RONALD. YES. YOU'RE LATE. DANCERS CHANGE IN ROOM FIVE. OKAY. (CHUCKLES) SO, GO ON. OH... UP TO ROOM FIVE. HOPE THESE CLOTHES FIT. # YES, YOU HYPNOTIZE, NO NEED TO... # JUST AS I THOUGHT. THE LOVERS. ANTONIO: SEE, I TOLD YOU, BABY. ASHLEY! ANTONIO, PEGGY. YOU TWO LOOK LIKE YOU'RE HITTING IT OFF. YES, WE REALLY ARE. THANKS FOR HOOKING US UP. YOU SET US UP? GUILTY AS CHARGED. WELL, THANK YOU. HE IS ADORABLE. MY PLEASURE. YOU TWO LOOK MADE FOR EACH OTHER. THAT'S WHAT MADAME Z JUST SAID. DID SHE? THE LOVERS. COME ON, BABY, LET'S DANCE. (GIGGLES) KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, Z. YOU, COME. DON'T YOU WANT MADAME Z TO TELL YOU WHAT'S IN THE CARDS FOR YOU? NO, NO, NO, IT'S OKAY. SAVE IT FOR THE GUESTS. AH, A SCEPTIC. NO, IT'S JUST... HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU HEAR "YOU WILL MEET A HANDSOME STRANGER"? HELLO! IT'S CALLED A TUESDAY. WHAT? YOU THINK THAT GOOD FORTUNE IS NORMAL? JUST AS I SUSPECTED. WHAT? WHAT'D IT SAY? AM I GONNA WIN A CRUISE? 'CAUSE LATELY, I'VE BEEN HAVING THAT CRUISE-WINNING FEELING. NOT EXACTLY. IT SAYS THAT GOOD LUCK HAS ALWAYS SPUN YOUR WAY. UH-OH. BE CAREFUL. THIS CARD-- THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE-- IT IS UPSIDE DOWN. IT MEANS THE WHEEL MAY BE SPINNING BACK. RIGHT. YEAH. I DON'T REALLY HAVE TIME FOR THE WHOLE SPINNING WHEEL THING. I HAVE 500 GUESTS AND A BROKEN BUBBLE CANNON TO ATTEND TO. SO, GO. WELL, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. PEOPLE ARE LOVING IT, Z. # THE CLUB WILL BE SHAKIN'... # HOLY CRAP. # OH, YOU HYPNOTIZE, NO NEED TO... # # THE CLUB WILL BE SHAKIN', THEN WE'LL BE WAKIN' # YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! AREN'T THEY GREAT...? NOW HEAR THIS... NOW HEAR THIS... NOW HEAR THIS! ARE YOU GUYS HAVING A GOOD TIME? (CHEERING) DO YOU LIKE THE MUSIC? I SAID DO YOU LIKE THE MUSIC? (CHEERING) AIN'T NOTHING LIKE A DAMON PARTY. AND I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT AND SUPPORTING THE SECOND STREET SHELTER. (CHEERING) AS OF RIGHT NOW, WE'VE RAISED $270,000. (CHEERING) GIVE YOURSELVES A ROUND OF APPLAUSE. NOW THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY. IT'S NOT ENOUGH. I PROMISE YOU, IF YOU DIG DEEP AND SHOW ME SOME MONEY, I'LL SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME. BOOGIE DOWN! (CHEERING) (DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) HIT IT, COME ON. OH! WHAT...? WHAT...? WHAT...? # HOO-HOO! # # HOO-HOO! # DAMN, I'M GOOD. # ONE STEP RIGHT AND ONE STEP LEFT, AND... # # MOVE YOUR BODY # # CLOSE TO MINE # NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. WHERE'S THE BUBBLY? MR. PHILIPS, EXCUSE ME. # THIS IS WHERE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE # # DON'T BE SHY, COME GIVE IT TO ME AND DANCE # # OOH, SAID I DON'T WANT TO STOP # # OH, BABY, BABY, MAKE IT HOT # I'M GONNA SEE YOU AT CHURCH. (LAUGHING) WASSUP, MAN? # DON'T BE SHY, COME GIVE IT TO ME AND DANCE # # OOH, SAID I DON'T WANT TO STOP # WHOO, WHOO, WHOO, WHOO. HEY, HEY. THE DANCERS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE DANCE FLOOR, AND THE DANCE FLOOR'S THAT WAY. UH, RIGHT, SURE. I JU... # BABY, I CAN'T SEEM TO TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU # # HEY, EVERYTHING YOU DO... # I WAS JUST... ABOUT TO ASK THIS LOVELY LADY TO DANCE. (GIGGLING) OH! OH, SUCKING UP TO THE BOSS, HUH? THE BO... SORRY. YOU SHOULD GO DANCE. GO DANCE WITH HIM. COME ON, YOU'VE EARNED IT. THIS PARTY'S AMAZING. MAGGIE: HE'S KIND OF CUTE. YOU KNOW WHAT? I WILL. I DESERVE TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN TONIGHT. YEAH. OOH! (WOLF WHISTLES) BYE. # GIVE IT TO ME, AND DANCE # MAGGIE: CAN I GO DANCE? I WANT TO GO DANCE. CAN I GO DANCE, PLEASE? FINE, GO, GO, GO. PLAY, PLAY. # SAID I DON'T WANT TO STOP # WOMAN: HEY, WATCH IT, YOU JERK. SORRY, SORRY. (TECHNO PLAYING) # ONLY THIS MOMENT HOLDS US TOGETHER # # CLOSE TO PERFECTION # (CANNON FIRING) # NOTHING ELSE OUT THERE # (CHEERING) # NO ONE TO GUIDE US, LOST IN THE SENSES # # DEEP DOWN INSIDE, I KNOW OUR LOVE WILL DIE # # STAY OR FOREVER GO # # PLAY OR YOU'LL NEVER KNOW # # WE HAVEN'T DECIDED # # YOU CAN'T DENY IT # # IT'S ALL YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR # I'M SORRY. NO, NO, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T BE SORRY. I... I, UH... WHAT? I-I CAN'T HEAR YOU. IT'S TOO LOUD IN HERE. LET ME STEP OUTSIDE. ...HAVE TO GO. WHAT? UM... LOOK, I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ONE THING, BUT I-I PROMISE I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. BUT... JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE, ALL RIGHT? OKAY. ASHLEY, WHO WAS THAT? UM, I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW. YOU WERE JUST KISSING THAT GUY YOU HONESTLY DON'T KNOW? YEAH, YEAH. OH! (GASPS) WHAT? MY SHOE. (FABRIC TEARS) OH, MY... WHAT? MY DRESS. (GASPS) MY DRESS. AT LEAST YOU'RE WEARING UNDERWEAR. (GASPS) PHILLIPS: ...AND YOU KNOW IT. THAT-THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU. THIS IS THE BIGGEST PARTY. NO, NO, NO, NO. MR. PHILLIPS. EXCUSE ME. DON'T MOVE. THE BIG... THIS IS THE BIGGEST PARTY. YES, WE'RE... (HORN HONKS) HEY! (GROANS) (SCREAMING) (INDISTINCT VOICES) SOMEBODY HIT THE KID! YOU ALL RIGHT? THE GUY CUT ME OFF! SOMEBODY CALL 911. YOU ALL RIGHT? UH... UH... NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, I'M OKAY. I'M OKAY. I'M FINE. STAY DOWN. SOMEBODY GET AN AMBULANCE. UH, NO, REALLY. I'M FINE. I'M NOT HURT. MR. PHILLIPS? WELL, THEN... YOU'RE THE LUCKIEST SON OF GUN I'VE EVER SEEN. MR. PHILLIPS, YOU OKAY? (GROANS) YOU ALL RIGHT? I'M BETTER THAN OKAY, MAN. I'M ALIVE. YOU SAVED MY LIFE, SPIDER-MAN. AH, IT WAS NOTHING, REALLY. NO, IT WAS SOMETHING. THERE'S GOT TO BE A WAY I CAN REPAY YOU, MAN. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST GLAD YOU'RE OKAY. COME ON, MAN, THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING I CAN DO FOR YOU. UM... OKAY, UH... YOU KNOW WHAT? I-I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU OUT OR ANYTHING, BUT THIS BAND IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR. THEY'RE THE HOTTEST BAND IN NEW YORK CITY. IT'S DONE. LOOK, IF YOU JUST... WHAT DID YOU SAY? I SAID IT'S DONE. YOU BRING, UM... MCFLY, RIGHT? YEAH. BRING MCFLY BY THE OFFICE, AND WE'LL HAVE A LISTEN. OKAY. SAY, KID, WHAT'S YOUR NAME? JAKE, JAKE HARDEN. JAKE HARDEN. DAMON PHILLIPS OWES YOU BIG. (CHUCKLES) YEAH, I'M STILL HERE. THIS KID SAVED MY LIFE, MAN. IS IT ME, OR... DID I JUST GET LUCKY? MAGGIE: SHE'S CHOKING. BREATHE, ASHLEY. PUKE, PUKE IT UP. MOVE IT, GET OUT OF MY WAY. SHE'S CHOKING! HERE. LET ME. # IT'S A WONDERFUL NIGHT... # DOES SOMEBODY KNOW...? ONE MORE TIME. (GROANING) WHAT WAS THAT? AN OLIVE. ASH? ASH? LOOK. COME ON, CUFF HER. NO, WAY, NO THAT IS NOT ME. IS SHE GETTING ARRESTED? IT'S HER, HER! WHO? THE ONE WITH THE FEATHERS. ARE THEY PUTTING THE BLAME? UH-UH... THEY'RE BLAMING. COME ON, LET'S GET HER. EXCUSE ME. THEY'RE COMING OVER HERE. OH, OKAY. (GASPS) MOVE IT, MOVE IT, OUT OF THE WAY, OUT OF THE WAY. ASHLEY ALBRIGHT. I'M AFRAID TO SAY YES. YOU'RE UNDER ARREST. IS THIS ABOUT SARAH JESSICA PARKER'S DRESS? (GASPS) WAIT, I MEAN, NO, I'M-I'M GONNA GIVE IT BACK, I PRO... # IT'S A WONDERFUL NIGHT... # # GIRL, I WANT IT, YOU GOT IT... # WAIT, I-I OBEY THE LAW. YEAH, I LIKE THE LAW. PHILLIPS: I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S BEEN A GREAT NIGHT. I ALMOST GOT HIT BY A CAR TONIGHT WITH... STEP ASIDE, SIR. HEY, HEY... HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? ASHLEY: I MEAN, HELLO! SEX AND THE CITY. SARAH JESSICA PARKER HAS SO MANY DRESSES. BESIDES, THAT WAS SO LAST SEASON. IS SHE REALLY GONNA MISS IT? YOU'RE A PROSTITUTE? AN ESCORT. I THOUGHT YOU KNEW. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HUMILIATED. PEGGY, I... THANKS TO YOU AND YOUR LITTLE ALCOVES. (MOCKING): "I WANT PEOPLE TO FEEL LIKE ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN HERE." OH... (WRY CHUCKLE) OH... WHAT ARE YOU GRINNING ABOUT? (WHISPERS) I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE. WHAT? WHERE DO YOU THINK HE IS? WHERE DO I THINK WHO IS? SHH! THE HOST. THE HOST OF WHAT? OF THIS REALITY SHOW. OKAY, I'VE FIGURED IT OUT. YOU GUYS CAN COME OUT AND TELL ME THAT I'VE WON NOW. ARE YOU INSANE? OFFICER: HEY! KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE. ASHLEY: COME ON, GUYS, YOU CAN TELL ME. DID DAVID PENNINGTON PUT YOU UP TO THIS? HUH? DID HE? THAT'S MY SEAT. I THOUGHT THIS WAS FESTIVAL SEATING... (CHUCKLES) THIS IS REAL LIFE, ASHLEY. YOU NOT ONLY COST ME MY BIGGEST CLIENT, BUT I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE WHAT THEY'RE GONNA SAY ABOUT ME IN THE POST. BRADEN. THAT'S ME. YOU MADE BAIL. (SIGHS): OH... THANK YOU, THANK YOU. PEGGY, I'M SORRY. OH, AND IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T GUESSED, YOU'RE FIRED. (CLEARS THROAT) (SIGHS) IS THIS YOUR FLOOR, TOO? WHAT DID YOU SAY? (PRISONERS MURMURING) (GRUNTS) # ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR # (POWER POP INTRO PLAYING) # SHE'S GOT A LIP RING AND FIVE COLOURS IN HER HAIR # # NOT INTO FASHION, BUT I LOVE THE CLOTHES SHE WEARS # # HER TATTOO'S ALWAYS HIDDEN BY HER UNDERWEAR # ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH. # SHE DON'T CARE... # HEY, GUYS? # EVERY... # PHILLIPS: 'BOUT READY, TIFF? TIFFANY: YES, SIR. YOU KNOW, THEY'RE JUST... THEY'RE... A LITTLE NERVOUS. GO WITH HIM. (SIGHS) JAKE? JAKE? (PLAYS LOUD CHORD) I'M SORRY IF THAT WASN'T EXACTLY WHAT... WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT 'EM, JAKE? THEY HAVE A FRESH TAKE ON A RETRO SOUND, LIKE EARLY BEATLES MEETS BLINK 182. I'M SURPRISED YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT RECORD SALES AND DEMOGRAPHICS. THAT'S FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT, ACTUALLY. I THINK A BAND THAT'S GOOD WILL SELL ITSELF. AN IDEALIST AND A PURIST. I LIKE THAT. YEAH. I USED TO BE LIKE THAT ONCE, BUT THEN I DECIDED TO BECOME FILTHY RICH. (CHUCKLES) UH... OKAY, WELL, THANKS FOR THE OPPORTUNITY. LOOK, KID... I BELIEVE IN LUCK. SO I'M GONNA SEND IT OUT TO A COUPLE RADIO STATIONS, SEE HOW IT PLAYS. MEANWHILE, YOU GUYS WORK ON A FOLLOW-UP, OKAY? YOU GOT TWO WEEKS. SO... YOU'RE SIGNING THE BAND. (SIGHS) I JUST SPENT EIGHT MINUTES WITH YOU. WHY WOULD I WASTE THAT TIME IF I WASN'T SIGNING THE BAND? TIFFANY, CALL ACCOUNTING SIR? TO CUT THEM AN ADVANCE CHECK, AND PUT THEM UP IN THE ARTISTS' PENTHOUSE. OKAY. NOW IT'S BEEN NINE MINUTES. LET'S GO. ALL RIGHT, BYE. THANKS, THANK YOU. CONGRATULATIONS. THANKS. (INDISTINCT RADIO TRANSMISSION) (GASPS) (BELL DINGS) (SIGHS) HOME. GOOD MORNING. OH... (SNIFFS) DO I NEED A BUBBLE BATH. HEY. WHOA. ISN'T THAT MY... (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) WHAT... OH, MY GOODNESS. THIS YOUR APARTMENT? YES, UM... WHAT HAPPENED? FLOOD. FLOOD? YEAH, IT'S A TECHNICAL TERM FOR A LOT OF WATER WHERE IT SHOULDN'T BE. IT'S NO BIG DEAL, THOUGH. WE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. OH, THANK YOU. DO YOU MIND IF I GO IN AND CHANGE NOW? HEY, HEY, FELLAS! SHE WANTS TO COME IN AND CHANGE HER CLOTHES. (LAUGHTER) I DON'T GET IT. WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? HEY, SWEETHEART, WE GOT A GRADE FOUR MOULD INFESTATION. YOU'RE LUCKY WE FOUND IT. LUCKY. YEAH. (CRASHING) OH! BUT MY FURNITURE... OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. OH... WE'LL BURN IT BEFORE IT CAN CONTAMINATE ANYONE ELSE. WE DID MANAGE TO SAVE THESE. THIS IS IT? THAT'S IT. MAN: FROM WHAT I SEE, WE'RE GONNA NEED ANOTHER HOSE. MAN 2: WE'RE ON IT ALREADY. (SHATTERING) HEY, YOU. ARE YOU OKAY? # MY GOODIES, MY GOODIES, MY GOODIES, MY GOODIES... # THIS IS MY NEW APARTMENT. I KNOW. IT'S PRETTY AMAZING. HOME THEATRE, SATELLITE TV. AND AT NIGHT, WITH THE LIGHTS DOWN LOW, LET'S JUST SAY, THIS PLACE IS PRETTY MIND BLOWING. UH, YEAH, IT'S PRETTY, IT'S PRETTY MIND... YOU KNOW, IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. WELL, THE BAND IS DOWN THE HALL, THE BAR AND THE FRIDGE ARE FULLY STOCKED. OH, AND JUST SO YOU KNOW-- DMR IS A REALLY NICE PLACE TO WORK. YOU KNOW, LIKE, AT SOME COMPANIES, THEY DON'T ALLOW THE EMPLOYEES TO DATE EACH OTHER? HERE, THEY DO. DATE? THAT'D BE GREAT. I'M FREE ALL WEEKEND. HEY, YOU DON'T MIND IF A GIRL PAYS, DO YOU? 'CAUSE SOME GUYS HAVE THIS WEIRD HANG-UP. OOH, GOTTA SPLIT. I'M LATE FOR MY EROTIC MASSAGE CLASS. CATCH YOU LATER, SPIDER-MAN. EROTIC MASSAGE. (MEOWING) ASHLEY: GUYS, THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME STAY HERE. NOT ONLY DON'T I HAVE MONEY, BUT THE DRAGON LADY'S BLACKBALLED ME FROM EVERY FIRM IN THE CITY. WELL, WHY DON'T YOU PHONE YOUR PARENTS? AND ADMIT DEFEAT? NO WAY. YEAH. SO, WHERE SHOULD I SLEEP? IN YOUR ROOM. MY ROOM? MM-HMM. SEE, MAGGIE'S ROOM IS RIGHT HERE ABOVE THE KITCHEN. THANKS. AND DANA'S IS A JENNIFER CONVERTIBLE. YEAH, SO YOUR OPTIONS ARE THE LA-Z-BOY, SOFT AND STURDY, AND MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE, THE FABULOUS FUTON. PERFECT. WELL, I'LL KEEP OUT OF YOUR WAY. YOU GUYS WON'T EVEN KNOW I'M HERE. BLOW-DRYER? OH, YEAH, ON TOP OF THE RADIATOR. THANKS. (MEOWING) I NEVER NOTICED. IS YOUR CAT ALL BLACK? YEAH. WHY? JUST CURIOUS. WELL, THIS IS NICE. WE'LL HAVE FUN. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE... OH, MY GOD. WHAT? I HAVE A ZIT. I HAVE A ZIT. GIRLS, I HAVE A ZIT. (GASPING) ASH, ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE? OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OH, WOW. ASHLEY! (GASPING) ASH! MAN: OKAY, WHO'S THE IDIOT?! WOMAN: NICE WORK! ASH, ARE YOU OKAY, ASH? HOLD TIGHT. HOLD ON. SWEETIE? I BROKE A MIRROR. I BROKE A MIRROR. I KNOW. GOD... GUYS, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME? YOU KNOW, I CAN'T TAKE SEVEN MORE YEARS OF THIS. EVERY SINCE THIS MASQUERADE BASH, IT'S LIKE I'M THE ANTI-MIDAS AND EVERYTHING I TOUCH TURNS TO CRAP. OKAY, ASHLEY, CALM DOWN, ALL RIGHT? FOR SOME REASON, THE FATES HAVE DEALT YOU A LOUSY HAND. (SCOFFS) BUT THE WHEEL ALWAYS SPINS BACK. RIGHT? YOU'RE FIRED. OH, MY GOD. I NEED TO BORROW SOME CLOTHES. (BELLS JINGLE) (HUMMING) HELLO! OPEN UP! HELLO! YOO-HOO. YES? WHAT? OH, IT'S YOU. EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE WAS PERFECT UNTIL YOU CAME AROUND. WAIT A MINUTE. WAS IT REALLY PERFECT? YOU KNOW WHAT? DON'T YOU PSYCHOANALYZE ME, OKAY? JUST WORK YOUR VOODOO MAGIC AND GIVE ME MY LUCK BACK. FINE. CONCENTRATE. (RHYTHMICALLY GRUNTING) SHTUPI! ALL RIGHT? IT'S BACK. NOW, PLEASE, GO HOME. I GOT AN EARLY DAY TOMORROW. NO, NO, NO. DO NOT PATRONIZE ME, OKAY? YOU AND YOUR CARDS SCREWED EVERYTHING UP. NOW YOU HAVE TO FIX IT. I TRIED TO WARN YOU, SWEETHEART. LOOK. DID ANYTHING UNUSUAL HAPPEN AT THAT PARTY? OH... WELL, BESIDES THE FACT THAT I TORE MY DRESS, NEARLY CHOKED TO DEATH, AND THE FELONY CHARGES, NO. YIKES. HOW ABOUT BEFORE THAT? WELL, I MEAN, I KISSED A CUTE GUY, BUT IT'S HARDLY UNUSUAL. WAIT A SECOND. YOU SAID THAT I COULD LOSE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE, RIGHT? SO DOES THAT MEAN THAT HE TOOK MY LUCK FROM ME? MAYBE HE NEEDED IT MORE THAN YOU. SO HE STOLE IT? THAT LITTLE WHACK KISSING BANDIT. NO, THAT IS JUST MY LUCK, OKAY? AND YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME AND TELL ME HOW TO GET IT BACK. ME? WELL, LET'S SEE. UH... IF HE TOOK IT FROM YOU WITH A KISS... ...THEN IT STANDS TO REASON... WHAT? MAGGIE: SO, WAIT, WE'RE TALKING 20 PROFESSIONAL DANCERS? ONE OF THESE GUYS' LIPS ARE THE KEY TO GETTING MY LIFE BACK, GUYS. I DON'T BELIEVE IT. WHOA! HEY, GET OFF THE SIDEWALK! TAKE IT EASY! WHAT AM I, A TARGET? SEE, IT'S RIDICULOUS, RIGHT? YOU CAN'T GET YOUR LUCK BACK BY KISSING A GUY. NO, I DON'T BELIEVE HOW HOT THESE GUYS ARE. OH, GREAT, NOW YOU'RE ENCOURAGING HER? OH, NO, I STILL THINK YOU'RE CRAZY. I'M JUST HERE TO OBSERVE AND MOCK. GUYS, I'M JUST TRYING TO GET MY LIFE THE WAY IT WAS AGAIN. HOW CAN YOU KNOW IF YOU KISS THE RIGHT GUY? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE. OH, I'VE GOT A FOOL-PROOF TEST. OH, HEY, HEY. THAT'S HIM. OH, YEAH. (INDISTINCT CHEERS) OH, MY GOD, IT'S DEFINITELY HIM. OH, MY GOSH! ASHLEY, HE'S MARRIED! ASHLEY! HOLD ON! # I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKIN' # # I GOT A MISSION... # MICHAEL. (PEOPLE GASPING) # I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FEELIN' # # TO WALK ON THE CEILIN'... # I SUPPOSE THAT'S YOUR SISTER? BUT, MUFFIN, MUFFIN... NO. SORRY. (PEOPLE ARGUING) OH, CHECK IT OUT. (MAKING KISSING NOISES) (SIGHS) AND PUSH, PUSH, PUSH... EXCUSE ME. WHAT'S GOING ON? THIS'LL JUST BE A MINUTE. # I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKIN' # # I GOT A MISSION # # IT'S ALL ABOUT A KISS # # I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FEELIN' # # TO WALK ON THE CEILIN' # (WHISTLE) # IT'S ALL ABOUT A KISS # SORRY. # THIS WAY AND THAT WAY # # MAN, IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY # # TAXI, TAXI, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT ON TIME # THANKS ANYWAY. APPRECIATE IT. # WORD TO THE WISE, YEAH # # NOTHING LIKE SURPRISES # OH, DANA? WHAT? # I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FEELING # THANK YOU SO MUCH. FEEL BETTER. # IT'S ALL ABOUT A KISS # # I'M RUNNING DOWN, I'M RUNNING DOWN THE LINE # OH, WHY?! # I'LL KNOW IT WHEN I FIND IT, YEAH # # I'M LOOKIN', LOOKIN' FOR A SIGN # # COULD IT BE YOU OR MAYBE YOU # # OH, YEAH, I'M RUNNING DOWN THE LINE # # OH, YEAH, I'M LOOKING FOR A SIGN # HI. I'M DAVE. # I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING # HEY, LANCE. CAN YOU HEAR ME? HI. HOW ARE YOU? UM, OKAY, HERE GOES. OH! OW! # IT'S ALL ABOUT A KISS # OH... GIRLS. # IT'S ABOUT A KISS # HE BIT MY TONGUE. # ABOUT A KISS. # HERE. OH, COME ON. OOH, WE STILL HAVE ONE LEFT. TOM GUTHRIE. SPIT OUT THE ICE, ASH. TOM GUTHRIE. WE'VE LOOKED FOR HIM AT, LIKE, THREE DIFFERENT ADDRESSES ALREADY. YEAH, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M LIKE THE REST OF THE RABBIT AFTER THEY CUT OFF IT'S LUCKY FOOT. I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP. COME ON, ASH, IT'S NOT THAT BAD. SO YOU'VE KISSED A DOZEN BACTERIA-RIDDEN STRANGERS. YOU KNOW, YOU'VE STILL GOT YOUR FRIENDS. OH, THANKS. BUT IT'S PROBABLY BEST THAT WE NO LONGER TOUCH. BUT I LOVE YOU. OH, YOU "LOVE" ME? I'M GONNA GET YOU. I'M GONNA KISS YOU. (HUMMING) PANCAKES! HI, KITTY. (ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS) DAVID (ON MACHINE): HEY, ASH, IT'S ME, DAVID. BIG ART OPENING TONIGHT AT STATION A GALLERY. MEET YOU THERE AT 7:00. DON'T BREAK MY HEART. (ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS) DAVID PENNINGTON, ANOTHER DATE. I'M NOT GOING. WHY NOT? IT'S A CHANCE WITH A GREAT GUY. NO, IT'S A CHANCE TO GET HIT BY A BUS. MAGGIE, YOUR BLACK CAT IS CROSSING MY PATH. NOT GOOD. COME ON, PANCAKES, DON'T BE SCARED OF THE SUPERSTITIOUS, MEAN LADY. I'M NOT SUPERSTITIOUS, BUT IT'S TRUE, I MEAN, IT'S BAD LUCK. DANE, HOW'S MY SCOPE? LEO, LEO... YOUR MOON IS IN URANUS. OOH. DOESN'T SOUND PRETTY. HE COULD HAVE CANCELLED. ISN'T THAT PROOF ENOUGH THAT THIS WHOLE BAD-LUCK THING IS TOTALLY BOGUS? I DON'T THINK SO. ASHLEY, UNLUCKY GIRLS DON'T GET ASKED OUT BY ONE OF US WEEKLY'S MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELORS. UNLUCKY GIRLS SIT AND WATCH THEIR MORE FORTUNATE FRIENDS GET ASKED OUT, WHILE THEY SIT AT HOME AND WATCH OPRAH, AND EAT LAST YEAR'S HALLOWEEN CANDY. THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE RIGHT. OF COURSE I'M RIGHT. GO GET READY. (SIGHS) YOU KNOW WHAT? MAYBE I'M NOT CURSED. YOU KNOW, I'M JUST LOOKING AT THINGS THE WRONG WAY. AND THESE SETBACKS COULD JUST BE OPPORTUNITIES. OF COURSE. EXACTLY. BECAUSE WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES... TWO OTHERS OPEN. OKAY, I'M TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF, AND MY GOOD LUCK STARTS NOW. GOOD. IT'S OKAY. UH... OH... AH. DID YOU JUST PUT THAT BACK IN YOUR EYE? IT WAS MY LAST ONE, GUYS. THAT'S REALLY GROSS. OW! MY EYE! BUT YOU SEE, I AM ON THE LIST. I'M "PLUS ONE." "DAVID PENNINGTON, PLUS ONE." HI, DAVID. THERE HE IS, SEE? THERE HE IS. OH, HEY. DAVID PENNINGTON, THERE. NO, NO, NO, THERE. SHE'S... SHE'S WITH ME. THANK YOU. (CRASHING) OH! OOH. I'M OKAY. I'M FINE. COME ON, I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU. OH, MY GOD. WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT BIG, UGLY, BROWN, PILE OF... UM... ASHLEY? YOU KNOW, IT LOOKS LIKE IT CAME OUT OF THE REAR END OF AN ELEPHANT. UCK. ASHLEY? HUH? UM... (CLEARS THROAT) MEET MY MOTHER, THE ARTIST. THE ARTIST. (SQUISHING) HI, MRS. PENNINGTON. YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK SO MUCH YOUNGER IN PERSON. (SUBTLE GASP) NOT THAT I MEAN YOU'RE OLD OR ANYTHING. DAVID, IF I'M GOING TO LISTEN TO THIS, I'LL NEED VODKA. GOOD IDEA. DAVID: WAITER? WAITER: YES, SIR? SURE. NO, THANK YOU. DAVID, THAT AWFUL MAN FROM THE TIMES IS HERE. IT'S HIM! THAT SON OF A... EXCUSE ME. YEAH? OH, UM, THE WAITER, HE WAS JUST... MORE YOUR TYPE? I TOTALLY AGREE. WHA... MOTHER, PLEASE. UM, IF YOU TWO DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO RUN TO THE LADIES ROOM. YOU! FINALLY! EXCUSE ME? OKAY, YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP YOUR TONGUE IN YOUR MOUTH AT ALL TIMES, BECAUSE THIS IS STRICTLY BUSINESS. WHAT? GIVE ME MY LUCK. WHAT THE...? COME HERE. GET OFF OF ME! JUST... (MUSIC BEGINS) UH-OH. MALE VOICE: FROM THE BOWELS OF THIS MORTAL COIL COME... THE MUD MEN! KISS ME, DAMN IT! LET ME UP, I'M IN THE SHOW! MALE VOICE: I AM A MUD MAN. FEMALE VOICE: I AM A MUD WOMAN. MULTIPLE VOICES: WE ARE MUD PEOPLE, AND HE IS OUR MUD KING! UH! HEART ATTACK! I KNOW CPR! I'M NOT HAVING... (SCREAMS) HE'S NOT BREATHING! HE'S TOTALLY BREATHING! NO, HE'S NOT, IT'S A CARDIAC-REFLEX THING. I NEED TO GIVE HIM MOUTH-TO-MOUTH. I CAN'T BREATHE! (BOTH MOANING) HE'S GOING TO BE OKAY. (MURMURING, APPLAUSE) LUCKY YOU WERE HERE. LUCKY YOU KNOW CPR. YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S ME-- LUCKY. YOU KNOW, I'M FEELING KIND OF... WHOA! OH! (ASTONISHED MURMURING) WOMAN: IRREPLACEABLE! YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS RIDICULOUS! IT WAS JUST MUD! (CLEARS THROAT) YOU MUST HAVE MET MY TWIN SISTER, SHE WAS IN HERE THE OTHER NIGHT. SHE'S THE BITCH, I'M THE NICE ONE. WHAT CAN I GET YOU? UM... CAN I JUST HAVE A GLASS OF WATER? NO BUY, NO SIT. SEE? CAN I USE THE BATHROOM? UH! NO BUY, NO BATHROOM! OKAY, GREAT. FINE, FINE. I'M LEAVING. I'M LEAVING. OH, ARE YOU ALL ENJOYING THE SHOW? YOU KNOW, THE REAL ME DOESN'T HAVE DAYS LIKE THIS. AS A MATTER OF FACT, MAYBE I'M NOT EVEN HERE RIGHT NOW. THIS IS ALL PROBABLY A DREAM THAT I'M HAVING, INDUCED BY A DEEP-TISSUE MASSAGE. YES, A MASSAGE THAT I WON AT A CHARITY RAFFLE. MAN, THAT LOOKS GOOD. ARE YOU DONE WITH THAT? NO. THAT WAS A JOKE. I'M NOT GOING TO EAT YOUR SCRAPS, GOSH. MAYBE JUST SOME BACON. (PATRONS GASP) MMM. MMM. I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING. MMM... MMM.... OH, MY GOD. I'M LIKE A COYOTE. PERFECT. NO, NOT THE SALT. JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS, I THINK WHAT I'M ABOUT TO DO IS COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS, BUT IT CAN'T HURT, CAN IT? COME ON! AY! AH! MY EYES! OH! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I'M SORRY! MISS, I THINK IT'S TIME TO GO. NOW. OH, MY GOD. I'M SORRY! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! WHEW! I THINK WE'RE CLEAR. THANKS FOR THAT. SORRY. I COULDN'T HELP BUT OVERHEAR YOUR, UH... OH. MELTDOWN? YEAH, BROKE, JOBLESS. AND I JUST ATE LE JAMBON D'UN ETRANGER. WHAT? OH, A STRANGER'S BACON. I THOUGHT IT WOULD SOUND BETTER IN FRENCH. GUESS NOT. YOU LOOK A LITTLE HUNGRY, I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD USE THIS, TURKEY ON RYE, EXTRA MUSTARD. OH! YES, THANK YOU. THANKS. UM... NICE TO MEET YOU. OKAY. I'M GONNA... LOOK, I KNOW OF A JOB. IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ONE. REALLY? WHAT'S THE SCAM? NO SCAM. WELL, DO YOU WANT ME TO JOIN YOUR RELIGION OR SOMETHING? NO, NO RELIGION STUFF. IT'S JUST A JOB. YOU KNOW, A BAD JOB. CRUMMY PAY FOR CRUMMY HOURS. THAT STILL DOESN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION. WHAT'S THE SCAM? LET'S JUST SAY I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE S-O-L. "S-O-L?" "SHIT OUT OF LUCK." WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M S-O-L? JUST BECAUSE I SPILLED THE SALT BACK THERE? YEAH. OH! LOOK, WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW... I BEEN THERE. BEEN THERE? I LIVED THERE. I WAS KIND OF THE MAYOR OF THERE. (LAUGHS) I'M JAKE. ASHLEY. OH, GOD. YEAH. NO, YOU GOT IT. OH, MY GOSH. LOOKS GREAT ON YOU. CAN ANYTHING ELSE... I MEAN... TO BE HONEST, I'M NOT REALLY DRESSED FOR A JOB INTERVIEW RIGHT NOW. FOR THIS ONE, I THINK YOU'LL BE FINE. OKAY. WANT TO CHECK IT OUT? WHY ARE YOU SO NICE? WHAT? LOOK, I MEAN, SHIT OUT OF LUCK, THAT'S MY THING. DON'T PUT ME IN THIS POSITION. COME ON, YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE HER. JAKE, LISTEN... SHE'S GREAT! I DON'T NEED ANOTHER LOSER WAITRESS HERE. OKAY, MAC. OKAY. YOU WON'T BE SORRY. I DIDN'T GET IT. NO, NO, NO, NO. IT'S NOT THAT. YOU CAN HAVE THE JOB... BUT IT'S MY OLD JOB. SO? WELL, SEE, I'D HOPED HE WOULD HIRE YOU AS A WAITRESS OR SOMETHING. MY OLD GIG WAS KIND OF A... LIKE A JANITOR, FOOD-DELIVERY PERSON, TOILET ATTENDANT. I'LL TAKE IT. I'LL TAKE IT! # DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FALL ON THE FLOOR # # CRY YOUR GUTS OUT TILL YOU GOT NO MORE # # HEY, MAN # # NOW YOU'RE REALLY LIVING # # HAVE YOU EVER SAT DOWN # # IN THE FRESH-CUT GRASS # # HEY! # # AND THOUGHT ABOUT THE MOMENT OH, GOD! # AND WHEN IT WOULD PASS # # HEY, MAN # # NOW YOU'RE REALLY LIVING # WHOA! # NOW YOU'VE REALLY # # GIVEN EVERYTHING # WHOA! # AND YOU'RE REALLY GETTING ALL YOU GAVE # # NOW YOU'RE REALLY LIVING WHAT THIS LIFE IS ALL ABOUT # HELP! HELP! # WELL, I JUST SAW THE SUN RISE OVER THE HILL # # NEVER USED TO GIVE ME MUCH OF A THRILL # # HEY! # # BUT, HEY, MAN # # NOW I'M REALLY LIVING # # HEY! # # HEY! # # BUT, HEY, MAN # # NOW I'M REALLY LIVING # # DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE # (COUGHING) # WHEN YOU FALL ON THE FLOOR? # # HEY! # # CRY YOUR GUTS OUT TILL YOU GOT NO MORE # # HEY! # # HEY, MAN # # NOW YOU'RE REALLY LIVING # # HEY! # # HEY! # # HEY, MAN # # NOW YOU'RE REALLY LIVING # OH! # NOW YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING # # AND YOU'RE REALLY GETTING ALL YOU GAVE # (COUGHING) # NOW YOU'RE REALLY LIVING # # WHAT THIS LIFE IS ALL ABOUT. # OH... (SPITTING) # NOW WHAT WOULD YOU SAY # # IF I TOLD YOU THAT # # HEY! # # EVERYONE THINKS # # YOU'RE A CRAZY OLD CAT # # HEY! # # HEY, MAN # # NOW YOU'RE REALLY LIVING # # HEY! # (SAXOPHONE SOLO) (CRACKING) (SHRIEKS) OH, GOD! (SHATTERING) WHAT THE...? # NOW YOU'VE REALLY GIVEN EVERYTHING # # AND YOU'RE REALLY GETTING ALL YOU GAVE # # NOW YOU'RE REALLY LIVING # # WHAT THIS LIFE IS ALL ABOUT # # YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE # # SING! # # TO FALL ON THE FLOOR # # HEY! # # CRY A GOOD SOB TILL YOU GOT NO MORE... # COME ON, GUYS, MOVE IT OR LOSE IT! LET'S GO! # NOW YOU'RE REALLY LIVING # # JUST SAW THE SUN RISE OVER THE HILL # # HEY! # # NEVER USED TO GIVE ME # # MUCH OF A THRILL # # HEY! # # HEY, MAN # # NOW YOU'RE REALLY... # THERE WE GO. # NOW YOU'RE REALLY LIVING # # HEY! # # HEY, MAN # # NOW YOU'RE REALLY LIVING. # JAKE: SO BEFORE PHILLIPS WILL RELEASE THE ALBUM, HE WANTS TO SEE YOU PLAY A LARGER SPACE, LIKE THE KNITTING FACTORY. (ALL GROAN) HE WANTS TO SEE IF YOU CAN HOLD A BIG CROWD FOR AN HOUR. BRING HEAT. HUH? WHERE? WHEN? JAKE: I DON'T KNOW. GUYS?! LISTEN! CARLEY, TURN THE RADIO UP. (SONG PLAYS) NO WAY! THAT'S IT! (CHEERS) ALL RIGHT. LET'S CELEBRATE. BURGERS AND FRIES ON ME. ALL RIGHT! YEAH! HEY, SWEETIE, COULD YOU SCAMPER UP THAT LADDER AND FIX THAT LIGHT? WELL, I'M NOT SO GOOD WITH... THANKS. ...HEIGHTS. ANNOUNCER: THAT'S MCFLY, A NEW BRITISH INVASION BAND CURRENTLY CLIMBING THE... PHILLIPS WILL TELL US TONIGHT. IN THE MEANTIME, WE HAVE TO FOCUS ON FINE-TUNING... WHOA. TREK, SEE, THAT'S NOT GOOD. SHE SHOULD'VE GONE UP WITHOUT THE BULB, THEN BROUGHT DOWN THE OLD ONE, BECAUSE NOW SHE'S GOING TO BE JUGGLING... (LAUGHING) HEY, HEY-HEY! YOU KNOW WHERE THE BROOM IS. I'LL... AND SHE SHOULD'VE TURNED OFF THE LIGHT FIRST, BECAUSE NOW SHE'S GOING TO BE... (SCREAMING) ELECTROCUTED. (PANTING) OH, MY GOD. (GASPING) HI... SO OTHER THAN, UH, YOU KNOW, GETTING ZAPPED, HOW'S THE JOB WORKING OUT? OH, I CAN'T COMPLAIN. THAT'S GOOD. NO, I MEAN I'M LITERALLY NOT ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN. I HAD TO SIGN SOMETHING. OH, I REMEMBER THAT. THIS IS COLD, SO IT'LL HELP. YOU'RE VERY HANDY WITH THIS STUFF. THANKS. THAT FEELS GOOD. IS THAT TOOTHPASTE? YEAH, IT'S AN ANCIENT CHINESE REMEDY FOR BURNT FINGERS. (CHUCKLES) YEAH, IT PAYS TO BE PREPARED. I'VE GOT EVERYTHING IN THIS BACKPACK. I HAVE FIRST AID, EXTRA SOCKS... ISN'T THAT A BIT DEFEATIST? NO, IT'S BEING A REALIST. YOU'VE BEEN OUT THERE. HEY, LET ME SEE YOUR CELL PHONE. WHY? WHAT IS THIS? FLIP IT LIKE THAT. LIKE THAT. ADDRESS BOOK. BERGDORF'S, BENDELS AND SUSHI. ARE YOU NUTS? UNLUCKY PEOPLE NEED HOSPITALS. ALSO, NEVER CALL 911. THEY TAKE FOREVER. FIRE RESPONSE, THEY'RE GREAT. NATIONAL POISON CONTROL CENTRE, ASK FOR LOU, HE'S VERY GOOD. (BOTH LAUGH) YOU KNOW WHAT? UM... THIS BACKPACK HAS SEEN ME THROUGH JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. AND... I THINK IT'S TIME TO PASS IT ON. OH, NO, NO, I COULDN'T. NO, NO, HONESTLY. I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE IT. PLEASE, YOU NEED IT MORE THAN I DO. THANK YOU. (CELL PHONE RINGING) I BETTER TAKE THIS. OH, YEAH, SURE, OF COURSE. HEY, KATY, HOW'S MY GIRL? WHAT? YOUR KEY? YOU CHECK THE DOORMAT? UM... OKAY, WHAT IF I PICK YOU UP, TAKE YOU TO THE NEW PLACE? YOU'LL LOVE IT; IT'S HUGE. OKAY. HOW ABOUT PIZZA? IT'LL BE FUN. I GOT TO RUN. OKAY. UH, YEAH. SEE YA, ASHLEY. IT'S JUST, IT'S A GIRL. # WAS I INVADING IN ON YOUR SECRETS # # WAS I TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT # # YOU'RE PUSHING ME OUT WHEN I WANTED IN # # WHAT WAS I JUST ABOUT TO DISCOVER # # WHEN I GOT TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT # # DRIVING YOU HOME... # HEY, GUYS! GUYS! JAKE: GUYS! COME ON. HEY, GUYS. HOW YOU DOING? SOUNDS GOOD. THANK YOU. WHAT'S GOING ON? JAKE, THE KNITTING FACTORY FELL THROUGH. WHAT? OH, YOU'RE JOKING. THAT SUCKS. BUT FIVE COLOURS HAVE BEEN GETTING GREAT RADIO PLAY, SO I DECIDED TO BOOK OUR BOYS AT THE NEW HARD ROCK CAFE, TIMES SQUARE. NO WAY! WHO'S YOUR BOY, HUH? THIS IS BIG! UNBELIEVABLE. PHILLIPS: THIS IS BIG. HOW'S MY FOLLOW-UP COMING? WE'RE WORKING ON IT. UH... ALL RIGHT, THAT'S GOOD. DON'T LET ME STOP YOU. SOUNDS GOOD, GUYS. CONGRATULATIONS. ALL RIGHT. HAVE A GOOD ONE. SO, UM, JAKE, WHEN ARE WE GOING TO HEAR THIS AMAZING FOLLOW-UP? WHEN YOU GUYS WRITE IT. RIGHT. HEY, JAKE, YOU GOT A DELIVERY. OVER THERE. DANNY: HEY, ISN'T THAT THAT THE BIRD FROM THE BOWLING ALLEY? DOUGIE: OH, YEAH, THE ELECTROCUTED ONE. JAKIE! OOH! YEAH, DANNY, LET'S WORK ON YOUR VOCALS FOR "TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT." I THINK WE'RE ON THE RIGHT TRACK. JUST TIGHTEN IT UP A LITTLE BIT. OKAY, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE IT FROM THE SECOND VERSE. HEY. HEY. OH! I'M SORRY. THANKS. OH! I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT. (CHUCKLES) DON'T WORRY. OH! I'M SORRY ABOUT... NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. COME ON IN. CHECK OUT THIS SONG. # NOW THAT I FIND THAT YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND # SOUNDS GREAT. THEY SOUND GOOD. YEAH, YEAH, THEY DO, DON'T THEY? YEAH. SO DID YOU HEAR WE'RE PLAYING THE NEW HARD ROCK? WOW, THAT'S GREAT. YEAH, WELL, BESIDES THE FACT THAT IT'S A HUGE SPACE, I'M PROBABLY NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FILL IT, AND I'M KIND OF DEAD. WELL, I MEAN, IT'S TOUGH, BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE. # WAS I INVADING IN ON YOUR SECRETS # # WAS I TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT... # SO, YOU THINK MAYBE, UH, YOU'D WANT TO GO TO COFFEE LATER OR SOMETHING, MAYBE? YEAH, UM, (CLEARS THROAT) UH, THAT'D BE NICE. # WAS I TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT... # OH, THERE SHE IS. OH, IS THAT KATY? YEAH. SHE'S CUTE, HUH? SHE PICKED OUT THIS JACKET. OH, NICE. YEAH. LOOKS LIKE A TRAMP. WHAT? WHAT? CAMP. CAMP. SHE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE I WENT TO CAMP WITH. HUH. STRANGE. WEIRD. YOU KNOW, I... I BETTER GET GOING. UH, MAC WANTS ME TO RESET THE RAT TRAP. SO SHOULD I CALL YOU TONIGHT? UM, YEAH, ABOUT THAT... OH, GEEZ. UM, YEAH, UH, SOME OTHER TIME, MAYBE. I HAVE OTHER PLANS. IF THAT'S COOL. SORRY ABOUT THAT, THEN. IT'S OKAY. BYE. BYE. # WAS I INVADING IN ON YOUR SECRETS # # WAS I TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT... # (SCREAMS) # WHEN I WANTED IN # # WHAT WAS I... # THANKS FOR THE RIDE, JAKE. YEAH, HOLD UP ONE SECOND. UM, SO I'LL SEE YOU LATER? TELL AUNT MARTHA I'M GOING TO SEND BERNIE WITH A CAR TO PICK YOU UP. DON'T FORGET YOUR HOMEWORK. YEAH, YEAH, I HEAR YOU. LATER. ALL RIGHT, SEE YA. OH, NO, NO, NO. DON'T DO THAT. DON'T OPEN THE UMBRELLA, NOT INSIDE. VERY UNLUCKY. (WIND HOWLS) OH! OH! BERNIE! YES, SIR? BACK IT UP, WILL YA? OH, GOD. YOU KNOW, THERE'S A PONCHO IN THAT BACKPACK. I DIDN'T EVEN THINK TO LOOK. CAN I GIVE YOU A RIDE? I ONLY LIVE 29 BLOCKS FROM HERE. UH, AT LEAST TAKE MY UMBRELLA. I ALREADY HAVE ONE. YOU KNOW, I GOT A WASHER-DRYER, UH, MICROWAVE POPCORN, SATELLITE TV... (CHUCKLES) NO, I... I REALLY SHOULDN'T. LOOK, I DON'T DO THIS FOR JUST ANYBODY, BUT I'LL EVEN THROW IN SOME HOT CHOCOLATE WITH THOSE LITTLE TINY MARSHMALLOWS. (WEAK LAUGH) I LOVE THE TINY MARSHMALLOWS. HOW ABOUT YOU TOSS THE LIGHTNING ROD AND GET IN? OOH... (SIGHS) THANK YOU. (DOOR OPENS) (SWITCH CLICKS) (SIGHS) NICE PLACE. YEAH? UM, WE SHOULD GET YOU SOME DRY CLOTHES. HERE, LET ME GET THIS... THANK YOU. LAUNDRY ROOM'S THAT WAY. BATHROOM'S RIGHT OVER THERE. UH, KITCHEN'S RIGHT HERE. GO WHICHEVER WAY YOU THINK YOU SHOULD GO. THANKS. YEAH, SURE. MIND IF I THROW SOME OF MY CLOTHES IN WITH YOURS? NO, NOT AT ALL. WOW, LAUNDRY ROOM IN YOUR APARTMENT. AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'VE ARRIVED. YEAH, IT'S PRETTY COOL. (SNIFFS) YOU KNOW WHAT? I SHOULD WASH THIS, TOO. HOLD ON. OKAY. (SIGHS) OH! OH, SHOOT. TOSS THIS IN FOR ME, WILL YOU? UM, YEAH, SURE. THANKS. (PHONE RINGING) OH, I SHOULD GET THIS. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. OKAY, I'LL BE IN HERE. SINCE WHEN DOES A WASHING MACHINE NEED AN LCD SCREEN? OKAY. (SIGHS) OH, MY GOSH. OH, MY GOSH, WHAT IS GOING ON? OH, MY GOSH. OH, NO. STOP, PLEASE, STOP! STOP. UM. OFF. OFF! (GROANS) WHAT ARE YOU, POSSESSED? OH! EVERYTHING OKAY IN THERE? YEAH! EVERYTHING'S FINE! OKAY. OH! WHAT IS GOING ON? OKAY... WATER, OFF! WATER OFF! OH, GOD... OFF, OFF! NO, DON'T SPIN! OH, MY GOD! HELLO? (SCREAMS) OH, MY GOD! STOP! PLEASE, STOP! OKAY, UH... I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY. I GOT, I GOT, I GOT... (WHIRRING SLOWS, STOPS) HOW'D YOU DO THAT? (LAUGHS) UH, THERE'S AN OFF BUTTON ON THE LCD SCREEN. (CHUCKLES) WHAT CAN I SAY? I AM A PATHETIC DISASTER AND I GIVE UP. YOU GIVE UP? I GIVE UP. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. YOU KNOW WHAT? IT FEELS GREAT. WHOA! WOOP! (LAUGHS) YOU KNOW WHAT? I GAVE UP YEARS AGO. IT'S MY SECRET TO HAPPINESS. (SIGHS) (LAUGHS) WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. PLAY FAIR. OH, OW! OH, NO. OH, MAN. YOUR EYE? OH, YOU'RE DONE. I'M SORRY. (BOTH LAUGH) OH, COOL. OH, AM I INTERRUPTING SOMETHING? HI, KATY. HI. WAIT, YOU'RE KATY? LAST TIME I CHECKED. (SPLUTTERS) HI, I'M ASHLEY. (SPLUTTERS, LAUGHS) NO, NO, THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM. I'M ON IT, YEAH. SO JAKE TELLS ME YOU'RE A LOSER. WHAT? I'M NOT A LOSER. THAT'S COOL. I'M A LOSER, TOO. ANYWAY, IT'S JUST LIKE A TERM OF AFFECTION, NOT A PERMANENT CONDITION. OH. YOU JUST HAVEN'T HAD ANY GOOD LUCK, THAT'S ALL. I LOVE THESE LITTLE MARSHMALLOW THINGS. SO DO I. OKAY, YEAH, YEAH, WE'LL TALK LATER. JAKE: ALL RIGHT, SIR. BYE. OH-HO-HO, MY GOD. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? OH, PHILLIPS WANTS THE NEW SONG READY BEFORE THE CONCERT. AND? AND WE DON'T HAVE SHIT. (GASPS) I MEAN SHOOT. WE DON'T HAVE SHOOT. WE DON'T HAVE TO TELL AUNT MARTHA ABOUT THIS, DO WE? DON'T STRESS IT. I'LL WRITE YOU A KICK-ASS SONG. OH, SO YOU'RE A... YOU'RE A SONGWRITER NOW? VERY FUNNY. YOU COULD BE A LITTLE MORE SUPPORTIVE. WELL, THIS IS SERIOUS, KATY. THIS IS MY LIFE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. NO SHOOT. (CLEARS THROAT) NO SHOOT. I THINK I CAN HELP YOU OUT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND? WELL, I HAVE THIS FRIEND... # YEAH # # I GOT YOU # # OH, TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER # # AND I KNOW YOU'LL HELP ME THROUGH THIS STORMY WEATHER # # YEAH # # I GOT YOU. # WHAT A SONG! (APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER) I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND IF YOU DON'T WANT TO USE IT. IT'S COOL. NO, NO. IT-IT'S GREAT. JUST A FEW LITTLE ADJUSTMENTS. HEY, HARRY, DOUBLE THE TEMPO; DANNY, TOM, WHY DON'T YOU KICK IT OFF TIGHT AND ROUGH IT UP A BIT? # THE WORLD WOULD BE A LONELY PLACE # # WITHOUT THE ONE # # THAT PUTS A SMILE ON YOUR FACE... # ASHLEY... YEAH? THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME. # I WON'T BE LONELY WHEN I'M DOWN # # I GOT YOU # # TO MAKE ME FEEL STRONGER # # WHEN THE DAYS ARE ROUGH AND THE HOURS SEEM MUCH LONGER # # I GOT YOU... # HEY! # TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER... # SO I HEAR A RUMOUR THAT, UH, YOU HAVE ANOTHER HIT FOR ME. WELL, IT'S, UH... IT'S ROUGH, BUT I GOT A GOOD FEELING, SO, YEAH. SOUNDS GOOD. POSITIVITY-- THAT'S WHAT I LIKE. OH, YEAH, CONGRATULATIONS ON, UH, SELLING OUT. SELLING OUT?! YOU MEAN THE HARD ROCK? WE SOLD OUT THE HARD ROCK? I BLACKBERRIED YOU. I DON'T HAVE A BLACKBERRY. TIFFANY, GET HIM A BLACKBERRY. ALL RIGHT. YES, SIR. THERE'S A LINE AROUND THE CORNER OF PEOPLE JUST HOPING TO GET IN. HUH? (LAUGHING) HEY, HEY, HEY, I DON'T HUG PEOPLE BUT... LOOK, BRUH, YOU SAVED MY LIFE TWICE ` ONCE AT THE MASQUERADE BASH, AND- AND NOW. JAKE: IT WAS A GREAT NIGHT FOR ME, TOO. I MEAN, EVER SINCE THEN, I'VE BEEN ABOUT THE LUCKIEST GUY IN THE WORLD. PHILLIPS: LOOK, COME BY MY OFFICE LATER, AND WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE ALBUM, 'CAUSE I'VE GOT SOME IDEAS, ALL RIGHT? JAKE: OKAY. JAKE... JAKE IS THE GUY I KISSED AT THE MASQUERADE BASH. UH-UH! YES. NO! YES. NO. YES. YES! THAT'S GREAT. HE'S HOT. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. IF I KISS JAKE, IT'S HELLO FABULOUS CAREFREE LIFE. AND THAT'S A PROBLEM? WELL... # AND IF YOU NEED ME... # (WHISPERS GO. # I'LL BE THERE TO HOLD YOU # # HOLD YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT # # AND YOU'LL BE UNAWARE # # BUT IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL BE THERE... # ASHLEY... NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. UM, I HAVE TO GO NOW. UH... NOW? # YEAH, I GOT YOU # # OH, TO MAKE ME FEEL STRONGER # OH! OH, MY GOD. (GASPING) (SIGHS) TAXI! (TYRES SQUEALING) SORRY, I WAS JUST CHECKING SOMETHING. OH! FIVE DOLLARS! YES. THANK YOU, LUCK. ASHLEY? MISS BRADEN? LISTEN, I AM SO SORRY FOR... ANTONIO? HEY, ASH. HI. HOW LUCKY THAT WE RAN INTO YOU. I FEEL JUST HORRIBLE ABOUT THOSE THINGS I SAID TO YOU. NO, STOP, YOU WERE RIGHT TO BLAME IT ALL ON ME. THEN LET ME BLAME YOU FOR BRINGING THIS SWEET, WONDERFUL, IRON-TUSHED MAN INTO MY LIFE. YES, WE'RE GETTING MARRIED, BABY. NO WAY. IT'S TRUE! I BOUGHT HIM THE RING. WELL, GOOD FOR YOU GUYS. CONGRATULATIONS. ASHLEY... I WANT YOU TO COME BACK TO WORK FOR ME. ARE YOU KIDDING? I CAN'T LOSE YOU. YOU ARE MY GOOD-LUCK CHARM. I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. WELL, WE HAVE A HUGE PITCH TONIGHT-- ST. REGIS AT 8:00-- SO, SAY YOU'LL BE BY MY SIDE AND SAY YOU'LL BE WEARING SOMETHING APPROPRIATE TO YOUR NEW VICE PRESIDENT TITLE. OH, MY GOSH, YES, YES. THANK YOU! BYE. (LAUGHS) OH! YES, MY LUCK IS BACK! HELLO? ASH...? ANYONE WANT SOME LATE LUNCH? HI. HI. HEY, I HAVE SOME SURPRISES. # TA-DA. # LAST ONE IN STOCK AND JUST MY SIZE. LUCKY, HUH? AND I WENT TO MIYAKAMI, AND I GOT TWO ORDERS OF EVERYTHING ON THE MENU, 'CAUSE I THOUGHT WE COULD USE A LITTLE CELEBRATION. THAT'S NICE. YEAH. WHAT'S WRONG? THE BAND ISN'T GOING TO DO MAGGIE'S SONG. WHAT? WHY NOT? PHILLIPS IS SUPERSTITIOUS. HE THINKS THAT NEW GROUPS SHOULD ONLY PERFORM MUSIC THAT THEY'VE WRITTEN THEMSELVES. THAT'S CRAZY. NO, IT'S JUST BAD LUCK. LOOK, I'M SORRY THIS IS HAPPENING. I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO... ASHLEY, STOP, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT-- IT'S LIFE. RIGHT? OOH, COME ON, WE GOT TO GET GOING. WE GOT TO GET THERE BEFORE THEY GO ON. I WANT TO WISH THEM LUCK. YOU'RE STILL GOING? WELL, YEAH. WE HAVE VIP TICKETS-- WHY WASTE 'EM? YOU? UM, ACTUALLY, I'M NOT. I HAVE, UH, A MEETING. JOB INTERVIEW? ACTUALLY, IT'S A FUNNY STORY, UM, PEGGY REHIRED ME. (CHUCKLES) MAGGIE: ASHLEY! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! YOU TOTALLY STUCK IT OUT, AND IT ALL GOT BETTER. ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE GOING TO BE OKAY? WELL, OF COURSE. WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE? I MEAN, IF YOU DWELL ON ALL THE BAD THINGS IN LIFE, YOU MISS OUT ON ALL THE GOOD THINGS. COME ON, IT'S GETTING LATE. WELL, HAVE FUN. GOOD LUCK ON YOUR MEETING, ASHLEY. THANKS. BYE. (SIGHS) (SIGHS) (SIGHS) (UP-TEMPO ROCK TUNE PLAYING) COOL! WE'RE RIGHT DOWN FRONT. SO BIG! SO MANY PEOPLE. LOOK HOW MANY PEOPLE THERE ARE! (BAND TALKING, LAUGHING INDISTINCTLY) THERE'S LIKE... A THOUSAND. HOPE IT GOES WELL. ALL RIGHT, GUYS, GUYS, FINAL TOUCHES, DRESSING ROOM NOW. COME ON, GOT TO DO THIS, COME ON. I'M SO NERVOUS. I'M SO NERVOUS. HEY, NICK...! HOW ARE YOU? OH, BOLLOCKS! YOU LOOK VERY NERVOUS. THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE THAT. YOU WANT SOME HERBAL TEA? WE HAVE SOME HERBAL TEA. JAKE: THANK YOU FOR THAT, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. THE MONITORS-- HOT FOR DANNY AND TOM, RIGHT? AND YOU KNOW ABOUT THE REVERB AND THE DISTORTION PEDALS? STAGE TECH: ON TWO AND THREE. JAKE: GOOD. AND JUST REMEMBER, THE SWITCH OUT'S AT THREE, FIVE, AND NINE. RIGHT, RIGHT. SOMEONE COULD FALL DOWN THIS; I'M GONNA SHUT IT. WHOA! HARRY: HELLO? JAKE! GUYS! (WHISTLES) CAB! TAXI! OY! WE'RE NEVER GONNA GET A CAB AT THIS HOUR. THINK POSITIVE. (HORN HONKING) HEY, GUYS, JUMP IN, COME ON. ASHLEY! (SCREAMS) LET'S GO, WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I CAN'T STOP SWEATING. (LAUGHTER) DANNY: SHOCKING. YOU GUYS READY? YEAH, STOKED. YEAH, BORN READY. (YELLS) DANNY: MY EYE! MY A-STRING. DANNY, LOOK AT ME. YOU CAN SEE, RIGHT? (GRUNTS) SEE, PLEASE. TWO MINUTES, YOU GUYS. DANNY: TWO MINUTES? I NEED SOME ICE, I NEED SOME ICE. HELLO! GUYS, I'M HERE! OKAY, LOOK, I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE NERVOUS, THAT'S FINE, JUST... HOLD THAT THOUGHT. (RETCHES) GOOD IDEA. (RETCHES) WHOO! AIR FRESH... AIR FRESHENER. OH, BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU SEEN HARRY ANYWHERE? HE'S NOT HERE? (AUDIENCE CHEERING IN DISTANCE) HELLO?! OKAY, GUYS, SPREAD OUT, FIND HIM. NICK, NICK... YEAH? UH, HAVE YOU SEEN HARRY? WHO? HARRY, THE DRUMMER. WHO? UH... HARRY! HARRY! HARRY! (MAN SCREAMS) HARRY! GET OUT OF HERE! PERVERT! OOH. SORRY, SORRY. (CHEERING) MAN (IN CROWD): YOU'RE THE MAN WHO'S GOT THE MONEY, BABY! ASHLEY: EXCUSE ME, SIR, COULD YOU MAKE A LEFT UP AHEAD? UNION SQUARE'S ALWAYS A MESS. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BLEW OFF PEGGY BRADEN. SHE'LL GET OVER IT. IF JAKE'S BAD LUCK IS HALF AS BAD AS MINE WAS, THEN WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME. (TIRES SCREECHING) HARRY? HARRY, ARE YOU IN HERE? HEY, AS ANYONE SEEN HARRY? NO. NO, MAN. EXCUSE ME, HAS ANYONE SEEN HARRY? NO. THE DRUMMER? HARRY! HAS ANYBODY GOT A 20 ON THE DRUMMER? WOMAN (OVER COMM): WHAT'S HE LOOK LIKE? I DON'T KNOW; THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE TO ME. JAKE: HARRY! HARRY! HARRY! WOMAN: START THE SHOW! HARRY! HE'S NOT HERE. MAN: WE WANT MCFLY! HE'S NOT HERE, EITHER. (AUDIENCE MEMBERS HECKLING) (LAUGHTER) NO, NO, NO, NO. JAKE, BABY! JAKE! I UNDERSTAND THE DRILL-- KEEP 'EM WAITING-- BUT THE NATIVES ARE GETTING RESTLESS. WE THOUGHT IT WAS NORMAL TO GO UP A HALF HOUR LATE. TOM: JAKE! JAKE! WE CAN'T FIND HARRY ANYWHERE! HE'S NOT UPSTAIRS. HE'S NOT IN MEN'S OR WOMEN'S. THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME, JAKE? WE HAVE A PROBLEM. HELLO? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? OH, WE'RE SO LATE! COME ON, COME ON! OH, MY GOSH. THANK YOU. WAIT, YOU GUYS! GUYS, BACKSTAGE IS THIS WAY. COME ON! HI, EXCUSE ME. HI. COME ON! HOLD ON A SECOND, GIRLS! WE'LL CATCH UP TO YOU-- YOU'VE GOT THE PASSES. MAN IN AUDIENCE: LET'S GO! HELLO? HELLO! (CROWD SHOUTING) AND I, FOR ONE, AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO GOING OUT HERE AND TELLING THIS ANGRY CROWD THAT THE BAND DECIDED NOT TO PLAY. OH, THAT WON'T BE ME. THAT'S GOING TO BE YOU. UNLESS YOU GET YOUR BOYS OUT THERE NOW. MR. PHILLIPS, WITHOUT A DRUMMER, I MEAN, THAT'S... NO WAY. HEY, GUYS, I USED TO BE THE, UH, BACKUP DRUMMER FOR, UH, WHITESNAKE. PHILLIPS: WHITESNAKE? (GROANING) HELL, YEAH! THERE YOU GO, HERE'S YOUR DRUMMER. WAIT A MINUTE. WE'RE NOT GOING TO GO OUT THERE WITHOUT HARRY. DANNY: YEAH, IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. MCFLY DOESN'T PLAY, YOU'LL BE LUCKY ENOUGH TO MANAGE A HIGH SCHOOL MARCHING BAND. YEAH, WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM. JAKE! SERIOUS, GET OUT OF THE WAY! WE NEED A NEW BAND. GET OUT OF THE WAY, PLEASE. ALL RIGHT, NOW, GO. ASHLEY, NOW'S NOT A... WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! BOTH: SHH! AND IN NINE, EIGHT, SEVEN... OH, NO. WHO HIT THE SMOKE? FIVE, FOUR... THREE... WHOA. TWO... (CHEERING) (GROANS) IS THAT`? IS THAT HARRY? (CHEERING) WE'RE ON, WE'RE ON. NO WAY! THE FREAK WENT ON WITHOUT US. I DON'T BELIEVE IT. HEY. DO ME A FAVOUR? PLAY MAGGIE'S SONG. ABSOLUTELY. HEY, LET'S KICK IT OFF WITH "I'VE GOT YOU." DEFINITELY. COME ON, LET'S GO. PHILLIPS IS GOING TO BE PISSED! (CHEERING) HARRY, HARRY, WE'RE PLAYING "I'VE GOT YOU." (INTRO BEGINS) ASHLEY! THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME. ARE YOU OKAY? YEAH, YEAH, I'M OKAY. ASH, I'M PROUD OF YOU. # THE WORLD WOULD BE A LONELY PLACE # # WITHOUT THE ONE THAT PUTS A SMILE ON YOUR FACE # # SO HOLD ME TILL THE SUN BURNS OUT # # I WON'T BE LONELY WHEN I'M DOWN # # 'CAUSE I'VE GOT YOU # KATY! HEY! # TO MAKE ME FEEL STRONGER # WE'RE GREAT! GOOD! # WHEN THE DAYS ARE ROUGH AND AN HOUR FEELS MUCH LONGER # # I NEVER DOUBTED YOU AT ALL # I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY THIS SONG. # THE STARS COLLIDE, WILL YOU... # WELL, I GUESS I'M NOT SUPERSTITIOUS. BUT I AM. I SHOULD FIRE YOU, JAKE. BUT IT WORKS. IT WORKS. GOOD JOB. # ...TO MY EAR # THANK YOU. # 'CAUSE I'VE GOT YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL STRONGER # # WHEN THE DAYS ARE ROUGH AND AN HOUR # # FEELS MUCH LONGER # THEY'RE PLAYING MY SONG. # YEAH, WHEN I'VE GOT YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER # # WHEN THE NIGHTS ARE LONG, THEY'LL BE EASIER TOGETHER # # 'CAUSE I GOT YOU. # (CHEERING, WHOOPING) WHOO! IS THAT THE SOUND OF THEM CLAPPING OR MY NERVOUS SYSTEM SHUTTING DOWN? NO, THEY'RE CLAPPING. HELLO, TIMES SQUARE! (CHEERING, WHISTLING) ASHLEY! CONGRATULATIONS. (OVER P.A.): GREAT TO BE HERE, EVERYBODY. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) # WHEN EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG # # AND THINGS ARE JUST A LITTLE STRANGE # # ITS BEEN SO LONG NOW, YOU'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO SMILE... # WHO WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND? MR. DOM PERIGNON! (GIDDY SCREAMING, LAUGHTER) JAKE: ALL RIGHT, GUYS! THIS CHAMPAGNE COSTS! EVERYBODY! MCFLY, ON THREE, OKAY? ONE-- HELP ME OUT-- ONE... TWO, THREE, MCFLY! MCFLY! (SCREAMING, WHOOPING) ALL RIGHT! DANNY! GET OVER HERE, COME ON! COME ON, COME ON! LET'S GO, BABY! TOAST TIME! ASHLEY! COME ON, LET'S GO CELEBRATE. HEY, MM, NOT NOW. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU LOOK MISERABLE. MAGGIE, I THINK I'VE FALLEN FOR HIM. THAT'S GREAT. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THAT? I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN, THE FEELINGS I HAVE GENERALLY LEAD TOWARDS KISSING. SO, KISS HIM. KISS HIM! I CAN'T. OH, ASH. PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU STILL BELIEVE IN THAT STUFF. MORE THAN EVER. AND I CAN'T NOT KISS HIM. I GOTTA GO. WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU GOING? GRAND CENTRAL. I'M GOING TO VISIT MY PARENTS FOR A BIT. I HAVE TO SORT THINGS OUT. GIVE ME A HUG, YOU. HAVE FUN, OKAY? AND BE CAREFUL. OKAY. BYE. # STAY WITH ME # # STAY WITH ME # GATHER AROUND, GATHER AROUND. OF COURSE. YOU WAITING FOR A TRAIN? I'M JUST SAYING IF YOU ARE, YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP NOW. JAKE, PLEASE. WITH YOUR LUCK, THERE'S GOING TO BE AN ANNOUNCEMENT THAT, DUE TO SOME FREAK SWITCHING ACCIDENT, ALL TRAINS HAVE BEEN CANCELLED AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO GO OUTSIDE AND WAIT FOR THE BUS, AT WHICH POINT, THE ACID RAIN WILL COMMENCE, PERHAPS EVEN ACID HAIL. LISTEN, JAKE, I CAN'T SEE YOU, OKAY? IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. LUCK CHANGES, ASHLEY. YOU KNOW? YOU KNOW, I KISSED THIS AMAZING GIRL AT THIS MASQUERADE PARTY. NO, LISTEN, I SWEAR, I'M NOT CRAZY. OKAY, OUR LUCK DID GET SWITCHED. AND IT STILL IS. HERE. I DARE YOU NOT TO WIN. SO YOU THINK MEETING ME WAS UNLUCKY? NO. GOD, I'M LUCKY TO HAVE MET YOU. OKAY? BUT YOU DESERVE MY LUCK. YOU PUT IT TO BETTER USE THAN I EVER DID. WELL, I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE. ARE YOU CRAZY? I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT. NO, GO AWAY. IT'S BEEN GREAT. BUT I'LL BE FINE WITHOUT IT. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? BECAUSE I'LL HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE. THE WAY ARE A SMALL PRICE TO PAY. TAG, YOU'RE IT. OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH IT THAT EASY. OH, YEAH? NOT A CHANCE. SO NOW WHO? MM-MM-MM. WHO CARES? EWW! GROSS! YOU LEAVE A KID SITTING IN A LIMO SO YOU CAN MAKE OUT? YOU TAKE ME FROM A PERFECTLY GOOD PARTY WITH REALLY CUTE ROCK STARS, I POP A SHOELACE, SWALLOW MY GUM, AND NOW I'M STUCK HERE WATCHING YOU TWO PLAY TONSIL HOCKEY. GOOD GRIEF. KATY. I AM SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. WHY ARE YOU GUYS LOOKING AT ME LIKE THIS? HOLD STILL. UGH! UGH! UGH, I'VE BEEN SLIMED! TRY THIS. YOU'LL LIKE IT. IT'S FUN. COOL. WHERE WERE WE? JUST LIKE...? BOTH: OW. 25 BUCKS?! NO FREAKIN' WAY! I'M RICH! OH, YEAH, I'M RICH! I'M TAKING THE LIMO, OKAY? THIS I'VE GOT TO SHOW GRAMS. I DEFINITELY HIT THE JACKPOT. KATY: HEY, BERNIE! THANK YOU. SHE DESERVES IT. PIZZA? YOU'RE ON. SO YOU THINK YOU CAN ADJUST TO LIFE WITHOUT LUCK? RIGHT NOW, I'VE NEVER FELT LUCKIER. ME, TOO. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? KARMA?! ASH, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ONE TIME, I HELPED AN OLD LADY ACROSS THE STREET. NEXT DAY, I FOUND A $100 BILL. ASH, THAT'S LUCK. KARMA. IT'S LUCK. KARMA, KARMA, KARMA. LUCK, LUCK, LUCK, LUCK. IT'S KARMA. IT'S LUCK. GET THE DOOR. WHY, THANK YOU. HEY... QUARTER. HMM, SEEMS WE STILL HAVE OUR LUCK. WHO CARES? ABSOLUTELY. HEY, SHUT THE VALVE! THE PIPE IS BROKEN! # I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING # # I'VE GOT A MISSION #