then you're an idiot, and you're a stubborn fool. George ` he's not my best man. You are, mate. This isn't a pity best-manning, is it? I mean don't get me wrong, I'll take it. Monty, because of you, mate, I am where I am today. That's why I want you to be my best man. I need to talk to you. Yeah, sure. Fire away. No. Not in here. Come on. I just got kicked out of the worst bar in Stafford. So did I. Good talk. Wasn't what I was expecting but... I always thought I'd be alone with someone. Hi. How's it? (ROCK MUSIC) (PANTS) Is that Monty? (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) Hey` Hey, guys. How's the surf? Good, good. You right, mate? Yeah, good, thank you. Good, yeah. Yeah, just saw you here and thought, 'Oh, here's George and Woody.' Hey, George, can I have a word? Oh, yeah. Well, hey, uh, I'll catch you later, yeah? Yeah. See ya, Monty. LAUGHS: OK, see you later. Everything OK? Quite frankly, nah. This wedding is gonna be a disaster. Help me, George. Please. Help me. Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2017 You know what it's like, wouldn't you? I mean, you've had writer's block, wouldn't you? It's just a speech, Monty. It doesn't mean the whole wedding's` It is the most important speech of the day. You know, it shouldn't be hard for me. I'm a real estate agent, right? Part of my job is to write copy. I mean, I write good copy. Do you actually know the story of The Emperor's New Clothes? It means that they're flash ` like this three-bedroom home. Dad's a little stressed right now. You try being a best man ` writing speeches, looking after rings ` while managing holiday rentals. For the fourth time ` I'm not doing the holiday rentals. I'm a receptionist, not a cleaner. We all muck in here. What does it involve? Changing linen, airing, dusting. Why, are you interested? I know someone who might be. Someone who was raiding my fridge last night, complaining she was broke. Brilliant. Who? I'll get that underway right now. There you go, Dad. All sorted. Who? Let's see what you got so far. Huh? The speech. Oh, right. So, I was up all night. 'Good evening ladies and gentleman.' So I think maybe it should say, 'Kia ora, ladies and gentleman.' Look, think about what you need to do in the speech. Toast the bridesmaids... See, you're the wordsmith, George. No, it's traditional to toast the bridesmaids. Please. Stay, help. I've got a really busy day, Monty. Oh, I suppose. Maybe later. Yes, yes. Thank you. Morning. George. (BUSY, LIVELY MUSIC) No. OK. No! It's entertainment. And it's 'hilair'. The new interns. How much do we get, BT-dubs? The new unpaid interns. We thought it would be a good idea to have some young 'uns here for the launch of the digital News of the Weld. Don't you think I can handle it? He said you were useless with technology. I didn't... use those exact` OK, I did say that. But it'll be all right. We go live tomorrow, and you just have to get your copy in as always. Tomorrow? Wedding day. Well, we're starting with a hiss and a roar with a feel-good story about a wedding. What's that smell? Damp. Gross. It needs airing, dusting and clean bedding. So I'm a cleaner now? You're a property management executive. And it's 80 bucks a house. And there are three to be done before tomorrow. Show me the duster. Tom's thinking of putting you and me on the front cover. 'Local Pair Banned from Night Movez.' Oh! Excuse me. What about local pair up to no good in the back of the party bus? Yeah, what's going on there? Mm. Any gossip? Oh, I don't gossip. But Zac's pretty proud of himself. Thinks he's the man. And Fiona? She doesn't want to talk about it. You OK? Must be weird walking in on your ex like that. Yeah, well, you walked in on your ex too. Yeah, but it's Zac. I just... can't understand what Fiona would see in him. This is the father of your child you're talking about. Everyone knows I have terrible taste in men. But Fiona, her last boyfriend was you. Why would you go from you to Zac? Well, thank you. But she didn't think... you and I. Because, you know, that could have been misconstrued. Yes, she did think. But no, I told her, 'Nothing to see here.' Anyway, uh, I'm here to see Arlo. I'm coordinating internships, as you know. And you can't find him anything? I'm working on it. All right, come in. There's the boat club in the kitchen. But that's, like, your job, so... It's like doing my job without pay. Yeah, exactly. So what do we do? I wouldn't mind doing the boat club. Oh, I've already put Poppy there. Oh, well, we could both work there. I wouldn't mind. Oh, no, no. I'm working at finding you something. In the meantime, you've got the day off. Oh. OK. Well, I can't complain about that. I'm so sorry. I feel like I'm letting him down. No, don't be silly. You're doing your best. I would say that he could intern at the gallery, but there's actually nothing he could do. Katie, it's OK. Well, I might go back to Lindsay's for a bit, so I'll see ya. I should get going too, but I will see you tomorrow? Yeah. They say true love is a story without an end. And it could be` Shouldn't it rhyme? Why would it rhyme? Well, like a poem. 'They say true love is like a story without an end, like a walk on a beach or a beer with a friend.' I'm just riffing here. Sorry, no, ignore me. You're the writer. Ahem. (CRACKS KNUCKLES) And a new chapter of that story begi` Monty, what are you doing? Shoulder massage. Eases the tension. There is absolutely no easing of tension happening right now. I am qualified. My ex-wife and I, when we first started seeing each other, did an erotic massage course. I recall it being more erotic than relaxing, so I will leave you to it. Yes, please. Go, George. Wordsmith. (BALU BRIGADA'S 'COULD YOU NOT') # Early morning sickness when he came around. # Thought it was a good fit underneath his arm. # Now you wanna give this a second thought. # I don't wanna hear this. Just give him a call. # Could you not? Could you not bear to tell him. # OK, you better say it. Go on and say it. # But could you not speak so loud? Could you not speak so loud? # could you not speak so loud? # Shoot! What the hell are you doing? I saw your bike outside. And I was like, 'That's weird. Why is Shay up here by herself?' So you just walked in without even knocking? You're a cleaner now? Ollie, can you go? Hey, are you going to the wedding? I've just finished making that bed. Can you go? Yep, sure. Um, one question. Come with me? What? To the wedding. Or I'll go with you, whatever. We'll go together. No. Why not? Because I` You're not with Ike any more, right? So what's stopping us? Because I don't want to. Because? I don't have to give a reason. I don't want a relationship. At all or with me? Both. And do you think you can be picky? After losing it in the Super Store like a psycho? OK, you need to go. Now. Text me later? When you change your mind. (DOOR LOCKS) (SHUDDERS) Uh, Monty, I don't have much time. I've got work and wedding stuff to deal with, so` 'Advice on writing the best man's speech,' printed from the internet. 'Have a killer opening line, make a joke at the groom's expense.' How about this? 'Thank goodness Woody made it this evening. 'If his wedding was anything like the fence I booked him to repair, 'we'd still be here in 16 months' time.' 'Avoid any sensitive subjects.' Let's can the fence joke. There are people there still waiting for Woody to finish their jobs too. 'Make a toast to absent friends.' Now, interestingly, there's people who aren't there on account of being too busy, not dead` Yeah, yeah, yeah. Monty, I know. I know what absent friends are, thank you. Well, I'll just leave that there. Yeah. (BIRDS SQUAWK, POP MUSIC PLAYS) What's she doing here? Oh, um, work experience. How do you know? Katie told me. Hi, guys. Hey. Um, couple of smoothies, please. Berry OK? Yeah, ta. So, um, how is everything? Are you all set for tomorrow? Dad and Tracey are really chilled. Living with the principal. Sucks. She's nice ` as far as stepmums go. I could have done worse. Yeah, stepmums don't really get a good rap. Snow White's tried to have her killed. Cinderella's didn't let her go to the ball. Hansel and Gretel's deliberately lost them in the woods. Yeah, you are lucky. You have a stepmum and a real mum. Me and Arlo don't have either. Yeah, that sucks. That's why we're so close, eh, babe? We both get it. What it's like... not to have a mum. (OMINOUS TONES) Ollie? This isn't funny, Ollie. It's weird. And creepy. (DRONE ENGINE REVS) Get lost. I said leave me alone. (GRUNTS) (TENSE ROCK MUSIC) (TENSE MUSIC) Hey, is my, uh`? Is my dad here? No, no. It's just me. Getting ready for the big launch. Hey, is your dad really as useless as they say with this kind of stuff? Uh, I don't` I don't know. Sorry. Shay, you all right? Yeah. No, you're not. I'm fine. It's nothing to do with you anyway ` cos you dumped me. Shay, you know why we had to split up. It doesn't mean I don't care for you, though. How's it going, anyway ` your big search for the meaning of life? No, that's not it- Oh, that's right! I wouldn't know (!) I wouldn't get it (!) Well, guess what, Ike ` neither do you. Didn't realise this was a superstore and a nail salon. It is. Brenda offers manicures for special occasions. Oh? Pedi, George? Ah. Might just take these. Thanks, Brenda. Oh, thanks, Brenda. I'm loving it. Well, see you tomorrow, at the big day. Or we could grab a pre-drink ` you and I. I wanna pick your brain. A few of Big Mac's ideas for the new Weld. Oh, so there's gonna be a new Weld? Not just a new Weld-wide web? Tip of the iceberg. I'm intrigued. And I'd love to have a drink with you, but, um, I'm... I'm on a mission. Ah. Bye. See ya. (CURIOUS MUSIC) LAUGHS: Ow! Stubble. You love my stubble, don't ya? Meh. I'm just thinking of the wedding photos, you know? You don't want to be all scruffy. You want me to shave the beard. I love you just the way you are. (DOOR SLAMS) Oh, don't mind me. I'll come back. No, take him. Hang on a minute, why do I have to go? It's tradition. The bride and groom always spend the night before the wedding apart. Ancient superstition. If the groom sees the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding, bad luck will rain down upon them. It's just a superstition. But you're not seeing me until tomorrow. All right. BOTH: Mwah! All right. (DOOR CLICKS) (DOOR SHUTS) (EERIE MUSIC) (SCREAMS) (SCREAMS) I thought you were at work! I thought you were at work. What's wrong? I'm sorry, but I'm quitting. OK, this isn't about an aversion to dusting, is it? Ollie turned up at the second place. The Harrisons? What was he doing up there, that place is in the middle of no`... He followed you. (SIGHS) What happened? I smashed his drone. Good. I dunno. Maybe I... It could be my fault. Because? Well, maybe I` I gave him the wrong idea. No. Well, like you said, when he turned up at my place that day and I went for a run with him. I should have said` Don't blame yourself for some jerk thinking he's owed your adoration just because you were nice to him once. He's gonna be at the wedding tomorrow. He won't come near you. I'll make sure of that. How? I have my ways, if you're into it. (SIGHS) I don't know, Siouxsie. Just say the word, Shay, and I will make sure no sleazeball man ever comes near you again. (SIGHS) (UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC) What a way to start your wedding day. Not a care in the world, George. Is Tracey as relaxed as you are? Calmest bride-to-be you've ever seen. The wedding's gonna be fine. I mean, what could possibly go wrong? You've never heard of tempting fate? Yeah. But with everything that's already happened, George, all the ways I've almost cocked it up, Fate, she's had a go. She's done her worst. We're good. We've got this. At my wedding the celebrant cancelled half an hour before the ceremony. We managed to get a ring-in, but he'd come straight from lunch, and he had this piece of parsley stuck between his teeth. (LAUGHS) And Laura got the giggles. (LAUGHS) Did she? Yeah. And she tried to get through the vows without laughing, but she failed. Crying, giggling, and then the snorting started. LAUGHS: Oh no! Which was... contagious. (CHORTLES) So there we were, bride and groom, killing ourselves with laughter. The celebrant thought we were mad. (CHORTLES) (SIGHS) It doesn't matter how or where; it's the person you're standing next to. You're gonna be all right, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. 'It's a crazy thing, promising yourself to one person forever and ever, until parted by death. 'When you're standing there looking into their eyes ` or laughing, as the case may be ` 'forever seems like a long time.' It's a shock to find that sometimes it's really not. (MONTY VOMITS LOUDLY) (TOILET FLUSHES) (CHUCKLES) You only had one beer last night. You lightweight. Stage fright. (CLEARS THROAT) Same thing happened before the Real Estate Awards 2009. Up for best rural office. Came runner-up in the end. Hey, you're gonna be sweet. No runner-up today, all right, mate? You sure about this? She's the woman I love. She wants a smooth face; she's gonna get a smooth face. OK, see you there. Yep. And where are you going? Newspaper office. It's the big day. Or the other big day. We're launching the website. Hang on, what about the speech? Completed and waiting to be printed on my laptop in there. SIOUXSIE: You rock this look. You are really making a statement. Which is? Don't mess with me, D-bag. Wait, I know what else ` my man-repelling titanium nose-screw set. You don't mind a few holes, do you? Siouxsie, I appreciate the help, I really do. But this... is not me. It is! You're scary. But why should I have to be? Why should I dress a certain way so that guys won't hassle me? Maybe the guys should change their behaviour. But they won't. Well, they should. We should be able to look and feel the way we want without men thinking it's for their benefit. Mm. You make a good point. We're taking the power back. All right. Wait... when you say we,... ...I mean we. Sorry I'm late. No, no, you're just in time. You look nice. Oh. Thanks, Bill. IKE: So, we're good to go ` as soon as we hit that button right there. 'Publish'. That makes sense. Go ahead, George, do the honours. Well, shouldn't you do the honours? It'd be good if someone could do the honours. You're the editor. Well, I'm also not that good with technology. Honestly, it's just that one button. Oh, come on, George. You can do it. There's not much can go wrong, mate. All right then, here goes. Wait, wait, wait! What? What? 'Here goes.' Is that it? You've gotta say a few words, George. (SIGHS) Hey, hey, the music man's here. Hi! Just set up in the usual place. You want to give me a hand? Um. You can do it by yourself, I'm sure. I'd rather do it with you, babe. Um, sorry, are you hitting on Fiona? No, he isn't. He's just making conversation. Yes, I'm hitting on Fiona. What of it? Hah! She's never gonna go for you. Is that so? Please. We've got a lot to do, so could you just bloody well do it? Thank you! And most of all, Big Mac, whose initiative this whole thing is. Have I missed anyone? The interns. Oh, yeah, OK, the interns. OK, without any more mucking around, let's kick this newspaper into the digital age. And we are live ` in five, four, three, two, one, publish. (DEVICES CLICK, POWER DOWN) (HAIRDRYER DIES) Oh no. Zac, what did you do? Did we blow a fuse? No. No! What did I do? You have special powers, George. Not good ones. The power pole on Blind Man's Bend ` a van's run straight into it. Oh, not again. A car accident. That means` ...the volunteer fire brigade should be getting a call right about... (SIREN WAILS) No! (INTENSE DRUM MUSIC) Why today? Hopefully it's nothing too serious. Hey, uh, it's OK Fiona. We've got things sorted here. What, you're gonna cook all of this food with no electricity? Is that, like, a tsunami siren? No, it'll be a car accident. Can't be anyone local. They'll all be getting ready for the wedding. Yeah, except now half them will be on their way to the crash. OK, so how do you feel about a casual, beachy look? (GIGGLES) Woody! I was just about to shave. (LAUGHS) A car's taken the power pole out. Last time that happened, we had no electricity for a day! Well, we're getting married on a beach, so what do we need electricity for? Right, so we're on? As I told you before, Georgie, nothing's gonna stop this wedding mate! 1 Hi. Hi. Wow, you look, um... Have I seen you in a suit before? Yeah, it's not my usual Weld-wear. Yeah. What can I do for you? I'm just checking to see if Tracey's good to go. Yes, we're good to go. If you guys are? Heh, try stopping that groom. Great, OK. OK. Well, I'll` I'll see you there. Yes, I'll see you there. Yeah. See ya. (BAND PLAY CHEERFUL MUSIC) Yeah, people are starting to turn up. Who is that with Shay? Whoa. Is that...? Oh my God. My cousin. BILL: Well, well, well, huh. Siouxsie? What are you staring at? You gormless clack-waffle. Yep, Siouxsie. (BOTH CHUCKLE) We have no photographer or best man. You be the best man, and I'll be the photographer. The show must go on. Mwah. The stones are hot. The kai is in. Now all we need is time. There's plenty of that. Half the wedding is missing. Tracey's good to go, so... Monty'll be gutted if he doesn't get to be best man. What's going on? Some of the elderly guests aren't feeling well. What elderly guests? OK, it's me. I could vomit any moment. SEAN: Oh... We should just get going. We can't start without him. I think we have to. MONTY: Wait! Hello! Hold on. (LAUGHS) (ALL APPLAUD) We're all good. Nobody was hurt in the accident. Except a power pole. Ah, and the wedding flowers. The pole was taken down by the florist van. Of course it was. Hey! There he is. (LAUGHS) Yes. (BRIGHT MUSIC) Hey, uh, sorry for the delay, folks. Take your seat, get comfy. We got ourselves a wedding! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) (BAND PLAYS JAUNTY MUSIC) Ahem. (LAUGHS) What's funny? I'm just thinking about my wedding. And the celebrant with the teeth? Yeah. (BOTH LAUGH SOFTLY) (UKULELE BAND PLAYS MENDELSSOHN'S 'WEDDING MARCH') Whoa. Must be hard to walk in sand dunes in heels, eh? ('WEDDING MARCH' CONTINUES) WOODY: (WHISPERS) Hey, Popps. (GENTLE STRING MUSIC) Gidday. (LAUGHS) We are gathered together to celebrate one of life's greatest moments. Woody, do you take Tracey to be your wife? I do. Do you promise to love and cherish her, forsaking all others, and hold only unto her forever more? Yeah, I do. Tracey, do you take Woody to be your husband? I do. Do you promise to love and cherish him, forsaking all others, and hold only unto him forever more? I do. We will now exchange the rings. Oh. Monty, you're up. Oh, right. (PLOP!) (GASPS) Oh! Monty! For Pete's sake, Monty. No, we're good. Found them. Woody and Tracey, you've agreed to live together in matrimony, have promised your love for each other by these vows and the giving of the rings. I now pronounce you husband and wife! Ah! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) (WHISTLING) Let's have a party! (WILD CHEERING) (LIVELY ACOUSTIC MUSIC) ZAC: Perfect. OK, yes, you did good. I guess I'm your all-round hero today, right? Hey, um. Zac,... I owe you an apology. At the hen's do, in Night Movez, and in the party bus,... I was using you. Hey, I'm OK with that. Use away. Oh, no, no, not for your body. Uh, yeah, for your body. But not` not in that way. I want to have a baby. Say what? And I figured, you know, you're the most fertile man in Weld. I need to stop you right there. Oh, no, I'm not asking` I'm not asking you to. Cos I was wrong. Just because a man is fertile doesn't mean that that's the right man for you to breed with. Which` I know that now. And I'm... I'm very sorry. (CHUCKLES) It's not... It's not funny. Well, it kind of is, uh, given I've had the snip. After the whole Jan thing, and the twins, I thought to myself, 'Enough is enough.' So I snuck off to Stafford and got me a vasectomy. Oh my God. But if you want to use me as practice, then, uh... (GUFFAWS) ...the offer's there. Got myself a wife, Georgie. Didn't have one of these when I got up this morning, eh? Looks like married life all ready suits you. Yeah. Both of you. Cheers, mate. Cheers. Picture? May I? Go on. (LAUGHS) Excuse us. Oh wow. Oh, no way, guys. Well, the koru represents new beginnings ` like a fern unfurling, reaching towards the light. Thank you so much! That's awesome, man. Love it. IKE: Congrats, man. Cheers, mate. Excuse me, everyone. Excuse me, guys. Um... Oi! My brother's got something to say. Uh, it's time to go inside. So if Mr and Mrs Woody could lead the way? (BOTH LAUGH) (EXCLAIMS) (GUESTS CHEER) 1 Oh. You're kidding me! Oh, wow, it looks divine! Mate, look, look. They got them! (OMINOUS NOTES) Relax. Have a little bit of the OJ. Bring that OJ over. Full glasses, everyone. The speech is about to start. HUSHED: I think I'm gonna be sick. Nope. I'm OK. You'll be fine. All the best man boxes ticked thus far. Your speech will be no different. (SIGHS) 'Choosing to spend your life with just one person doesn't mean you'll never again have the experience, 'the thrill of falling in love. It's the opposite. You get to fall in love`' ...over and over, year after year. When you share a joke that only the two of you get, when you hold your child for the very first time, when you just spent three days not talking and you make up and you wonder why you ever fought, you fall in love again. I'm terrible. I cry at the drop of a hat. When you realise you know each other inside out and back to front and that it's better than the thrill of the new. Because a wedding isn't about forsaking all others or making false promises. It's about two people getting to know each other, and... And... (GUESTS MURMUR) It's about two people... getting to know each other, and hopefully, becoming a mother and a father. But if you don't breed, you'll still be delighted. Because when you're married, love is requited. (LAUGHTER, GROANS) (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) To the bride and groom! (CHAIRS RUMBLE) ALL: To the bride and groom! Hey, thanks for that, mate. Did you write that poem yourself? Yep. It was beautiful. Thanks, Bill. GEORGE: Hey. Your wife was here. Are you seeing ghosts now too? In the words of that speech. That was written by a man who's known real love. The part before he started rhyming. Yeah, Laura loved weddings. 'True love is a story with no ending,' she always said. Whatever happens now, whatever new beginnings you might have, you'll always love her. So your wife was right. True love is a story with no end. Some unexpected twists, yes, but... love goes on, George. Let's get that drink sometime, eh? (ELECTRICITY BUZZES, COMPUTER HUMS) (MUSIC LOUDENS, GUESTS CHEER) MONTY: Hey, you two! How about a first dance? Yeah! Show them how it's done. Yeah boy! (HERBS' 'SENSITIVE TO A SMILE' PLAYS) # Beautiful children # have come into my life. # Just follow my lead. I got classes when my wife left me. Oh. (LAUGHTER) Monty's got some great moves. Yeah, no. That poor girl. She needs rescuing. Do you mind if I cut in? Not at all. Yeah, not bad. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) Ouch. That's gotta hurt. # Love for me and love for you. # Ooh-la-la, la-la, # la-la, la-la. # So make a stand and hold your ground. You're not dancing. Oh. I don't, really. Well, it's been too many drinks on board. Maybe Zac's keen. Oh, please... Sorry, sorry. I'm just teasing. You know what they say about me on a dance floor. No, what? Rhythm is a stranger. (LAUGHS) But I'm prepared to risk humiliation for you. Come on. Oh, go on, then. # Beautiful people, # oh, young and bright. # Beautiful children # longing for life. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS, ALL CHEER) Move, please. I could have you charged. It's against the law to destroy someone else's property. (SCOFFS) Ow! Let go! Get your hands off her. Love the new look, Siouxsie. Maybe next time you should work on your personality. OK, do you wanna check out the desserts table? Yeah. Are you honestly gonna let this freak interfere in our relationship?! We don't have a relationship, you creep! You know, you're not so bad at this. Well, I haven't stepped on your toe just yet, but I will. (LAUGHS) Hey, George, there's something a bit controversial that I've been thinking about asking you. I'm intrigued. George! SHAY: And I don't like how you follow me around! It scares the crap out of me, and you don't even care. Leave me alone. What's going on, what's going on? Tell him, Ollie. OLLIE: It was a... disagreement. You thought it was OK to harass Shay and we disagreed. She vandalised my property! But if she just says sorry, then I can drop it and we can all just move on. Harass her, how? Dad... don't. I just wanna... I just wanna go. Ollie. Not this carry-on again. Well, I guess I'll be pressing charges then. I'll deal with him on Monday. Let's just enjoy the wedding, eh. Well, I suppose he is off-duty. He is. But I'll teach Ollie a lesson for free. Who's in? Yep. Yeah, I'm in. OK, cool? Yep. All right? (SOFT LAUGH) Thanks, I don't even know why I was crying. Because you're pissed off. You should've said something, Shay. I felt bad. Like I'd done something. It's not your fault. OK. Thank you. Yeah, well, what she said. FIONA: Everything OK? Yeah. Where's Tom? Something needs to be done about that guy. Dad, no. It's all right, George. It's under control, apparently. (SURREPTITIOUS MUSIC) Hey. Oh, uh, I wouldn't go in that one if I were you. Someone had a bad curry. Oh. Thanks for the warning. Well, we look after one another in this town. You know that. Yeah. (MECHANICAL NOISE) Open up, somebody's in here. We know. We decided to give you some thinking time to consider how you treat women. You'll get done for this. This is so illegal. Well, there's illegal, and then there's a grey area. Isn't that right, Hannah? Yeah, Ollie we know your dad wants you to take that mechanic apprenticeship in Stafford, so... You should tell your dad that you're gonna take that apprenticeship. Yeah, right (!) I'll do that (!) Oh, well, if you don't, we'll just give you some more thinking time. You don't actually scare me. Yep. Should've done that ages ago. 1 (UPBEAT HOUSE MUSIC) You're staying at home with me tonight, no question. Well, I might go home now. I'll get Siouxsie to drop me off. Well, just give me five minutes to say my goodbyes, and then` No, no, no, no. You stay. Enjoy yourself. Here she is. I'll see you at home. OK, I won't be long. Come on. All right, people, the happy couple are departing. (CROWD CHATTER) Wish I was going to see the mountains and hobbit houses. I'll instagram some. Yeah. Oh, am I following you? You should. I'm following you, Lindsay. Lindsay's Insta is mainly just selfies and stuff. Hey, Popps. Let's hit the road. Whoo! Here goes. My first honeymoon? All right, see ya! Have a good time. Hey, what's wrong? Oh my God. (ENGINE REVS) (CHEERING, WHISTLING) WOODY: Thanks for a bloody good party! Whoo! (CANS CLATTER) (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY) Shay's OK. She's gone with Siouxsie. What about you? (SIGHS) You look like you could do with a drink. Shay will be OK. She's got so many people who care about her. And she's got you. And you. The people of this town. Her friends, you know, genuinely care. I'm constantly amazed how lucky we are, me and the kids. You're so nice. Well, it's true. When you arrive in a new place and then everything falls apart five minutes after being there, and everyone... everyone gathers to lift you up. I'll never forget that. (GUITAR SOLO PLAYS) Come home with me tonight. Oh God. Katy, I... Weddings. I cry at the speeches, and then I get carried away and I kiss people. How many people? And I proposition them, oh my God. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. Just tell me. As if you don't know. No. I honestly don't. George! Could we...? Oh, that's right, you wanted to ask me something. Yeah. You were flirting with her! No, no, no, I wasn't. No way. Or at least, I mean, I don't think I was. Grandpa, can you take me home, please? Eh? I'm just about to get a port. Come on, Lesley. You're being dumb. Dumb! You think I'm dumb. No, I mean you're acting dumb` (SPLAT!) (GUESTS MURMUR) Oh, that's wonderful (!) I don't want anything to do with you. (GUFFAWS) FIONA: I don't know how to say this, so I'm just gonna... You know that one of my life goals or wishes is to be a mother. Yes. I'm reaching a crucial point. There's a window, but soon it'll be closed. Maybe not biologically, because I know that there's a woman in France who had a baby in her sixties. But I don't` I don't want to be that woman. Last week in the party bus, with Zac, I was attempting, in a moment of madness... just drunkenness. Very drunk. Um... Oh, oh. Please don't judge me. It was the wrong way to go about things. And thankfully, I realise that. I want to have a baby, and I wanna raise it by myself ` because I haven't met the right man, yet, and I am running out of time to meet the right man. And... I was wondering if you'd help me. What, help you find the man? No. Forget about the man. The man is never gonna show up` I'm sorry, I just don't understand. I'm asking you to give me a baby, George. Well, you said after the twins that you'd warmed to the idea. But even if you haven't, I can do it by myself. I can raise it. Oh shit. You think I'm crazy. Nah. I should never` Oh God. I'm so sorry. (AWKWARD MUSIC) MAN: Look around. As the Favourites come out, it begins. Observing with an eagle eye. Mastering the art of stashing. Oh, brilliant move, Gran! Cadbury Favourites. (ARTISAN GUNS' 'AUTUMN') All right if I take off? Yeah. And, um, thank you. Oh, hey. Ollie should have been dealt to a long time ago. No, I mean, for everything. You're an amazing friend. I've never really been anyone's friend before. See you at home tomorrow. Bye. 'In the end, a wedding isn't about forsaking all others or making impossible promises. 'It's about two people choosing each other and being brave. 'Because you have to. Because weddings are a triumph of hope over experience. 'And where there is hope, there is love. 'Love which will bring your life together, fill your house with a family. 'And even if that life together is shorter than you ever imagined, 'true love is trusting that she wants you to be happy. 'True love is knowing that she would want you to carry on having a future, 'even if it's not the one you promised to each other at the altar on your wedding day. 'She'd want you to follow your heart.' Wait. Because true love... really is a story without an end. Don't go. You just... You took me by surprise. But the answer is yes.