Captions by Cameron Grigg. Edited by Virginia Philp. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2018 (SOFT, SLOW MUSIC) (LEAF BLOWER WHIRRS) The funeral business is generally always busy. Why? Because people die. (STAPLE GUN CLICKS) Good morning, Tipene Funerals. We take phone calls from families 24 hours a day. We uplift loved one's deceased. We make funeral arrangements with families. We dress the dead bodies, or assist families to dress their loved ones. We organised Herald notices, service sheets, musicians, balloons, parrots, doves, burial sites, cremations, whatever you want to use to best celebrate the life of the person you love. Our job finishes when the body hits the bottom of the grave or... meets the fire. (CROWD PERFORM HAKA) My name is Francis Tipene, and this is Tipene Funerals. North Shore have just contacted us. Mm. Apparently us and another funeral home are the only two funeral homes that leave with this yellow slip. 'My wife and I own Tipene Funerals.' Excuse me, I said 'Us and another funeral home leave with a` They gave it to me.' I know, I know. Working with my wife is... most of the time, it's good. Um,... you know, let's not confuse how much I love her to how much I sort of don't like working with her. I don't know how I do it, eh, actually. (LAUGHS) I don't know how we both do it. She, uh, said that if it's given to us, that we need to send it back to... At first, it was hard to be told what to do when I knew better. If they did their job... Yes. Yeah, it's` I mean, what was the time, like, 11 o'clock at night? But now I couldn't work without her any more. What is it that I do? Can I...? (EXHALES SHARPLY) Can I say that I do everything? So, I oversee admin, I oversee accounts, I assist in funeral directing, I funeral direct. I... stop Francis from buying things. Just after Christmas, I bought a few more things, much to my, um, wife's dismay. But never mind. I'll stay out of the flower shop. He's very OCD, very O` I called it... I said OCT the other day, and then he goes, 'What?' I said, 'You're OCT', and he goes, 'You mean OCD?' I said 'Whatever!' I think it's OTT. Funerals need to be perfect. Uh, we have` or, well, I have high standards for my funeral directors and for our staff here. Lucky I'm here, he would have left his glasses in there. (LAUGHS) Whatever! Scottie's very good at what he does. I've taught him what I know. Francis... (SIGHS) The first thing that comes to my mind when I think about Francis is the bro. My rego ran out on the 20th of this month,... (LAUGHS) ...and the son-in-law to the mate was a policeman! (LAUGHS) So every time he comes to talk to us, I stand by the rego. (LAUGHS) So, if you can... follow me over here. (BOTH LAUGH) I know. First and foremost, he is one of my best friends, and I love him. Love him dearly. I do. But, man, he can` I guess... If I can say this,... can I be frank? I can be frank. He can be a pain in the arse, oh my gosh. Can we put it on Scottie to have a look? (GIGGLES) Yes! Yeah, please do. Like this? Yes. (GASPS) These are for members! Mm. Cool, eh? Put it right under there. Because a problem with... You don't think it's oversize? (LAUGHS) We have a lot of fun. We have to. (SPEAKS MAORI) What is Francis like when he's stressed? He's like a lady. She's done now. Just makeup and... Is that Fiona? Nona? He is a typical lady that is having a... yeah, a fit. Yeah, like a really ugly, B fit. And I'm like, 'Um, darling, you've got to take your pad off now.' Nona? Hi. Um, you know in the` in the bags that we have, we've got Janola somewhere, eh? Look, something's on there. (SPEAKS MAORI) I just need to get it out. I don't know what it's from. Oh, Fiona. Her name is Fiona, but we call her Nona. With the next whanau, he's quite a l` not large, but he won't fit in a standard. What's that? 24-16. Oh yep, he'll either go that, or that 20... uh, 14. 24-14. 22-14? 20` uh, 24. There should be a 24. Mahogany polished. Nona is someone... that I... that` that can just piss me right off. Thank you so much, dear. And... what next? But then, she can make me so happy. This is so good. She's a bit rough around the edges, but she bends over backwards for her families. She goes above and beyond. You know, there are so many things that might make your day, but getting a stain out of a sideset for a funeral for the royal family, that makes my year. Sometimes, things go wrong. Hi, dear. KAIORA ON PHONE: Hey, that's not the right body. But luckily, we have processes in place to double-check, to make sure that we're picking up the right body. Today, in our care, we have Princess Tomairangi Paki, and she is the Maori King's sister. This funeral today is a huge tangi. I don't want anything to go wrong. I want everything to be perfect. Faliki needs to mow the lawns, get the tea and coffee ready for Robin, chapel ready for the overflow of whanau, and let's just make sure everything's on point. We'll just get rid of that, that top 'Tomairangi'. Can I just print`? Can you just grab a gold one? And I just... how is that looking, hoa? Didn't print. Flip. Thousands of people will descend on to Waahi Paa Marae to pay their respects to, uh, Tomairangi. And so, I must... I need to make sure she is in the best position possible and that she looks amazing. If you stand there where I'm going to straighten her, align her so that she is centred in the casket. She needs to be perfectly positioned on an angle with her head upright, easy for those of all ages to bend down and kiss and hongi and pay their respects. And I'll get the girls to come in, and they can check her hair over again. She needs to look like she is asleep and that the colour on her face comes off like so, you know? Not` not looking dead. Just down a little bit more. It's OK. One, two, three. (SPEAKS MAORI) This funeral's a big funeral, and the pressure's on for us as a team. There are other funerals on as well, so... no resting in peace here. 1 PHONE: Good morning. Oh, good morning, dear. It's Francis Tipene calling from Tipene Funerals here in... Onehunga. Hi. Hi. Is it possible to speak to Gwen at all? Gwen. Let me look around. (CLEARS THROAT) Gwen... Where's Nona? Nona? I give Fiona, and anyone else who wants it, but I don't want to be picking on her, but I give Fiona, like, this pill that burns fat. PHONE: Hello? Hi, good morning. And I don't want to come across as a shallow person, but I do care about her health and well-being, cos if she dies, there's a potential that my business might close down with all the, y'know... people, the work that she brings, she's amazing. Francis has given me fat-burning pills. His definition of it is, 'not fat burning. It actually gives you energy from the beginning to the end!', and I was going 'The only thing that bloody tablet gave me was diarrhoea!' When I spoke to our sales representative from your company, he was going to arrange that one be delivered to Henderson and one here to Onehunga, but they've both come to the one site this morning. There's myself that's overweight. Scottie, he's overweight. Fiona... who else is overweight? So I have engaged in a personal trainer, in the hope, obviously, to try and lose some weight. (GRUNTS) But also, I'm trying to get the kaupapa of health and well-being throughout the business and throughout the staff. Deep breaths. Seven... We deal with obese people, people that pass away from diabetes or... You know, all of these sicknesses that are due to... our lifestyle and kai and that. And so, you'd think we would care about that, but some of us don't. How you feeling? (PANTS) Buggered. Buggered? It's all good. All good. I've gotta do this. Yeah. I have my personal training sessions three times a week. I see the other people there, and they're like '(GRUNTING NOISES) Getting the burn' and all of that, and I'm like 'take the mirror away and...' I want to, though. I'm trying to love it, but I can't. What did you have for lunch today? I haven't eaten. Oh, well, no, I had that, uh... Wait, you had one chicken` One chicken, without the... Without the skin, for lunch? Yes, and some coleslaw. Real little bit. Like, that's why I'm starving. Oh gosh, I mean, I haven't been sticking to the diet very well. Lower. Lower, lower. Shakes in the morning, salads and fruit. Four, three, two and one. I eat all of that... with fried bread! (LAUGHS) I feel terrible! Shit. (LAUGHS) I'm not gonna tell him it's the blimmin' fried bread, cos my wife's just in this fried bread mode. If she's making fried bread. (GASPS) Beautiful. Awesome, good work. Take a break. (PANTS HEAVILY) I love the floor. (LAUGHS) (CONGREGATION SINGS IN MAORI) Today, I'm taking the princess down to Waahi Paa Marae in Huntly. It's about giving the time to her own people of Tainui, and then tomorrow, the people of the motu, of the country, will descend upon the marae to come and pay their respects. OK. On three, we all lift. One, two, three, up! Doesn't matter how many times I take bodies on to the marae, there's always that tingle up your spine, you know? And it's like... kua rite tatou. We are ready... to start the tangihanga process. (PERFORMS HAKA) Nice and high, here we go. They will give her a welcome fit for a princess. They will bring out everything they have, and it will be amazing. (ALL PERFORM WAIATA) At a tangi, the body will lay there. Visitors will stand and kaikorero, will speak to the person that's laying in state. (SPEAKS MAORI) Beautiful words will be spoken, not so beautiful words will be spoken. They will express true feelings whether they loved them or not. They will sing songs, there will be lots of laughter, lots of tears. But it will be a beautiful occasion, and it will be an event that... everyone will remember, and it is so good to help in the grieving process when we sleep with our loved ones in the marae. My job is done. I need to go and get something to eat, and then I've got to make my way back to Auckland to see what else is happening. Oh, look at the weather. This will slow us down a little bit today. But that's OK. (CONGREGATION SINGS IN TONGAN) Tonight, we have a Tongan family in the chapel. We often have Pacific Island families, Samoan and Tongan families, that would use our chapel in the evenings, at night. I do love the services. The singing really attracts me to be here. Generally, the services take between two to three hours. A family service, however, could go up to midnight, because it's their last night with their loved ones. Yeah. Our Tongan families, there's a bit of a mess that's left behind with the ta'ovala, which is the traditional mat they wear around their bodies, and so that leaves a trail of, in my eyes, destruction, but a mess really is all it is. I'm half Tongan, so I can say that. 1 A messy chapel can drive me crazy. Having said that, it's allowed to be messy, and it should be messy sometimes, because we know that that's a sign that something's happened, and that a family have celebrated, and that it's been used. But when it remains messy for some time,... no. Should we do new reserved signs? Um,... oh, may as well. Keep our standards right up. There we go. All right, I actually needed, like, two gloves for this, but... (LAUGHS) Just going to take this to the rubbish. Aroha mai. Oh, there's more over there. It's, like,... come on, guys. Out the front, there is chewing gum. Not a good look. What's that stuff? This is for the carpet, not for the driveway. God... Whoa, careful. Looks like it's working. Oh, yeah. You don't want people to walk past chewing gum to come into your funeral home. So Faliki's out there... (SIGHS) scrubbing it and peeling it off. Are we gonna have trouble for this? What are you doing? If you just, like, take out the rocks from the concrete? No, don't do that. Just do it gently. We'll get... Oh, yeah that's enough. Don't do any more. Nah, it's still a problem. Today is the burial day of the princess. It's her day where she will be laid to rest on Taupiri Maunga. We are ready to roll. We provide mourners cars, or follow cars, and that is there to transport our immediate families to and from funeral venues and reception in style. (CROWD PERFORMS WAIATA) How do you want us? Well, so what we'll do is, when we go in, we won't all go. I'll go up, and you guys, um, if you can open the back door and get ready, and then when your dignitaries come, take them. Lead them through. This morning, I have Logan and Scottie accompanying me for the Princess' funeral. That's why I think it was bad that they parked us there, because, at the end of the day, they have to walk that far. Where as, if we were in front of you, it would have been so much easier, but... Wouldn't bring out Ngapuhi. Ways to die in my waka. (CHUCKLES) Gosh, better be careful. They might shoot me. I've taught Scottie what I know, but... he's very talkative. Honestly, I just want us to... stay where we are until they tell us where to go, because, they come out here, they're gonna, 'Hey, what did you move the cars for?' Not worth the drama. Just... Just` They might stick their taniwha on us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do not want him to have the King in his car, because I don't want Scottie to talk the King's ear off and ask him all the questions, and then the King will be like, 'Oh my gosh, what is this about? I thought you were just driving me, not interviewing me.' So... no, he can't take the King. You're gonna have to come in front of me. But I know he wants to. And I'm scared he might ask the King for a selfie. Shut up. You'll get us in trouble. Look, the policemen are coming. I think we should ask them to arrest you two. (ALL LAUGH) As, uh, the princess is being carried out by the pallbearers, there is a haka happening, which absolutely is to be expected for someone of that calibre. This is why I stress out, like... Can't use the words the staff call me, but this is why I stress out like I do. You know? Over the little things, over the details, because these are the people that arrive here to pay their respects and love to the person that I'm bringing on to the marae. (HAKA CONTINUES) When I'm walking next to the casket, or carrying the casket, or leading it, and you're amongst the wairua of the time, you're like, 'This is why I do what I do, for that feeling.' You all right, Matua? You all right? We got you. We got you. It's all right. Just a little bit more forward. Forward, forward. Just down gently. Just down. Here we go. And take hold of the handles, all right? OK, we're gonna come forward to the hearse. Haere mai. Take our time, haere mai. There we are. And it's all worth it, because I'm proud to be... a Maori and also to be a funeral director working for our people. (ALL PERFORM WAIATA) Because of who she was, it is a big scale tangi in terms of numbers. But whether it was a smaller funeral, not for a princess, just for a whaea or a matua, the wairua is still the same. That doesn't change. There's always a sense of mokemoke, which is the feeling of loneliness, because we're without another one of our loved ones, celebration, pouri, mamae. All these things do take part in the service. (REFLECTIVE MUSIC) It went smoothly, it went well. I couldn't have asked for it to go any better. I hope that we have cared for them to the best of our ability and up to their standard, so that, in the future, should anyone else sadly pass away within the Tainui whanau and particularly the kingitanga, that they will remember us to help them in their time. Just saying. Copyright Able 2018