As you know, we need someone who can handle both stunts and firearms. I mean, it's not exactly The Fast and the Furious, but we do a have a couple of scenes involving handguns. Now, you're fully qualified, right? You do have an Armourer's Licence? Yeah, of course. OK, well, it's a telefeature for the Lifetime network based on the Sheila Dickens story. You know Sheila Dickens? Paranoid schizophrenic Texan heiress gets shot by her own daughter. Anyway, the production's in the toilet. We're behind by three weeks. The last stunt coordinator got fired because he wouldn't take shortcuts. Shortcuts? 'Shortcuts' might not be the right word. He wasn't flexible. This production needs a degree of flexibility. HORN BLARES Out of my way, worms! Whoa! Was that Barbara Bertinelli? Uh-huh. That's why you're in trouble? Uh-huh. I don't get it. Yeah, there's nothing to get. Just make it work. Uh, Polly, hey. This is David. He's the director. Got the gun? 1866 double-barrel derringer with pearl grip. It looks a lot bigger than one we shot in January. Marjorie! Is that the same as the one we've already shot with? I'd really appreciate if you wouldn't hand it round. Oh my gosh. Is this the gun? Can we keep the gun in the case until it's actually being used? We're about to shoot, so she may as well get used to it. I thought we were doing the impact shot first. We are. Well, there's no gun in that shot ` at least not in these storyboards. Those are the old storyboards. These are new the ones. OK? We're gonna do a POV, essentially making the audience complicit in the murder. I'm not really comfortable pointing firearms at an actor. Did you not get the flexibility speech? Look, if all you're gonna see is a hand, then I'll do it. Make-up can match the skin tone. Oh, look, whatever. Let's just shoot it. All right, everybody, standing by for rehearsal! David, could I have word? First of all, let me say I have the utmost respect for your work. What is it, Byron? Barbara would prefer to shoot this scene without a rehearsal. Why are you telling me this? Barbara would also prefer from now on, you communicate direction to her through me. Well, if you could just tell your client that when the gun goes off, all she's gotta do is say the line and drop dead. We are dealing with real-life situations here, so a little bit of subtlety'd be appreciated. Byron, would you tell David he has no talent and a face like an 80-year-old man's ball sack? OK, that pretty much covers it. First positions, everyone. Standing by to shoot. BELL RINGS Scene 138 alpha, take one. And mic only. OK. < Set. And action. TENSE MUSIC How dare you come into my room without knocking. Oh, I'm sorry, mother. Knock, knock. THRILLER MUSIC Oh! I've been shot! (GROANS) All right, cut! > No! Well, at least pull it back a little bit. Oh, God! I'm dying! (GROANS) I know the feeling. My... My child. My own flesh and blood. (GRUNTS) And cut! And we're cutting. > BELL RINGS Hey, uh, Dave? Yeah? Should she be bleeding? FUNKY ACTION MUSIC # Yeah, yeah, yeah. # You know I'm super strong, lie like a fire on. # Somebody told me I was hot right now like Tiger Balm. # Somebody said, 'T, you a ranger. # 'You are stranger than an attraction to danger.' # Copyright Able 2016 Could you please state your name and address for the tape? Uh, we're not saying a thing until McMurray gets here. And who are you exactly? Uh, I'm her brother. Well, this is a private interview. Dude, why do you want to be with my sister so bad? What, you think she's hot? You` You wanna make out with her? (SWALLOWS) No. I thought you were supposed to be the responsible one. Someone set me up. Someone wanted this to look like an accident. Is it possible that you loaded the gun with a real bullet by mistake? You can feel the weight of a live round. What about the barrel? Maybe there was something left in there? No way. I cleaned it thoroughly. Any idea who would want her dead? Are you kidding? Everybody who's ever met her. She's had a blood feud with every actress she's ever worked with. She gave up her only child for adoption. Lots of people give up their children for adoption. Yeah, before they start school (!) Look, the person who did this knew the make and model of the gun; they knew how to replace a dummy round with a live one before anyone could see it happen. You have to believe me. Even if I could get off with a negligence charge, this will ruin my career. FUNKY DETECTIVE MUSIC MAN: Look, I was only supposed to be here for six weeks! I've gotta get back! I've got a holiday with the kids! What do you expect me to do?! MAN: I hired you to shoot a movie regardless of the script, so I suggest you reread the contract. Come on, Larry. Be reasonable. Cheers. Thank you very much. KNOCKING Coffee? Uh, yeah sure. Is there sugar in this? Uh, let me take care of that for you. David, I've made over 300 movies, and I've had worse problems than this, all right? Our lead actress is in a coma! So we get a rewrite. We've only shot a third of the movie! None of it's in sequence. Quentin Tarantino couldn't make sense of this mess. Why don't you make it a whodunnit? Sorry, did you`? Did you say something? I said, 'Why don't you make it a whodunnit?' We know whodunnit. It's a true story! Hang on there, Dave. Let's hear him out. Uh, well... You could keep what you've already shot. Uh, make it about an actress who's been murdered on set by someone, and one of the cast and crew has to figure out who did it. What's your name, son? Uh... Stretch. Stretch Merino. Well, let me guess ` production lackey by day and struggling screenwriter by night? Nailed it. How'd you like your first big break? Hang on, what's happening here, Larry? Well, what's going on is Stretch, here, is gonna help us finish the movie. Well, you can't be serious. He's not even old enough to shave, let alone write a movie script. It's exactly what this film needs ` a fresh young perspective. How does $10,000 sound? How about 20? I'll give you $10,000 and half a point on the back end. Let's make a movie. (LAUGHS) I appreciate that you're trying to help, but you don't know the first thing about writing a screenplay. I must know something if a experienced producer hired me. It's one thing to have an idea; it's another to write 90 pages. That does seem like a lot. (SIGHS) When does it have to be finished? They want the first act on Monday. OK, that's not so bad. Yeah. So what's a first act? In a murder mystery, the first act would set up the crime, the protagonist and all other major suspects, including the killer. The killer has to be set up before the beginning of act two. I've got an idea. What? You write it. I'll make nachos. . INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS Hey. Hey. I'm Lilly. Terry. Uh, I mean, Stretch. That's my pen name. I'm the writer. Whoa! Blake Richardson?! Last time I checked. Bro, Time Gladiators 2 and 3 ` easily in my top five. Right on. Do you want to sit with us? Sure. All right, everyone, let's get into it. Far out, are these free? READS: Interior, Sheila's apartment, day. The place is swarming with cops. A dead woman sits against the en suite door with a noose around her neck, half a bottle of gin on the dresser and a suicide note pasted to the window. Milo kneels down beside the body. So who's the broad? Sheila Dickens ` used to be a big Hollywood star. I guess she got sick of playing evil stepmothers. Or someone else did. Come on, the old lady punched her own ticket. You think someone contemplating suicide would bother to pick up their dry-cleaning? Check her pockets, you'll find a receipt. Lt Michaels pokes into her jacket and pulls out a receipt. How did you know? That toxic odour is what happens when a chemical cleaning agent reacts with wool. Also the drag marks on the floor tell me she was killed before she got here. I guess we missed that. Oh, oh, bro, can you do that one again, but this time just put the emphasis on 'missed'? Like, 'I guess we missed that'. Just pick it up from Blake's line. Uh, drag marks on the floor tell me she was killed before she got here. I guess we missed that. Probably because it wasn't written in crayon. (CHORTLES) Snap! Right? It's like, 'Paid out. #what' CELL PHONE RINGS Oh. Sorry. Sorry, guys. I got to take this. According to IMDbPro, that director, David Bottoms, is attached to a new Twilight TV spin-off. Right. Which is lame for popular culture, but a huge step up for him. BALL SQUEAKS Ask him if he's met Blake Richardson. But the thing is he's supposed to begin shooting in, like, two weeks from now. So that's why he was so keen to pull the pin. If Barbara hadn't delayed the original production, he would've been able to do both. Merino? Uh, that's him now. I'll call you back. Bottoms, what's up? You know writers aren't usually welcome at the table read? Yeah, but this is a TV movie. In television, writer's king. Besides, I protect my half a point, make sure this thing gets done correctly. We wouldn't want any more props injuring the cast. I can assure you it's under control. Is it, Dave? Cos yesterday you were pretty keen on getting out of your contract. I mean, you got some other projects lined up you haven't told Larry about? You stay out of my way. And turn that cell phone off. SLEUTHING MUSIC TENSE MUSIC TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES HEAVY SCRAPING TENSE MUSIC TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES FUNKY MUSIC You're not really a writer, are you? Actually, I'm just trying to find out if Barbara was shot on purpose. Promise not to tell anyone? Sure, as long as you write me a bigger part. You still want me to write you a bigger part even though you know I'm not a writer? Uh-huh. It's a blank with the primer still intact, which means it was never fired, which means someone must've dropped it when they tried to swap it for a live round. Which means Polly was framed; this solves everything (!) Really? No. You monad. It's completely inadmissible. How many times have I told you? You have to leave evidence at the scene. Why, so the killer can come back and remove it? So we can follow due process and make a conviction. I appreciate you think you're helping Terry, but you're still just a kid. You don't understand how the justice system works. Every time you try to take matters into your own hands, all you do is compromise our investigation. Fine, from now on, we'll work together. No, we won't work together. You'll butt out of it. When we have something, we'll let your sister know. BARBARA ON RECORDING: (GASPS, GROANS) Agh! No. No! I'm dying! New guy. Hey, bro, uh, sorry about the other day, man. I was a little emotional. It's OK. I was out of line. How's it going with McMurray? It's early days, but I'm pretty sure he hates me. If it's any consolation, you're doing a lot better than the last guy. Why? What happened to him? McMurray shot him. What are you watching? Oh, you don't want to see it; it's pretty morbid. It's cool. I can take it. I'm dying! (GROANS, GASPS) You know what creeps me out? She kept saying her lines even with a bullet lodged in her pancreas. My only child! My own flesh and blood. (GRUNTS) That's him. Who? I'll let you know when I find out. His name is Harjeet. He's a private investigator that Barbara hired to find someone here in NZ. That's why she took the job. I think she was chasing some guy. You mean like an ex-boyfriend? She wouldn't tell me anything about it, said she was too ashamed. I assume he rejected her, and that's why she fell off the wagon ` hard. How long have you been Barbara's agent? 30 years. I discovered her, you know? She was working at a haberdashery trying to get bit parts off-Broadway. I said to my boss at the time` I said, 'Mitch, this babe has got 'a three-quarter profile that will kick you in the mouth'. Unfortunately, that temper lasted a lot longer than her waistline. Still, the idea of someone wanting to kill her... I gotta tell you, Stretch, I can't get my head around it. She must've been a lot of work for very little reward. Well, I didn't want her dead, Detective, if that's what you mean? As a matter of fact, she was planning on getting out of the business altogether, said she'd found something more important to do. I said, 'Honey, are you crazy? You're on the precipice of a comeback,' and now here we are in her trailer and I'm negotiating a fee for what could be a posthumous appearance in a completely new script, which by the way is fabulous. I guess when I think about it, it just breaks my heart. Think about everything that she's been through, and now this. You know, David's having a little cast and crew get-together at his house tomorrow night. If you like, we could go together, get some dinner? Yeah, I think I'm just gonna eat dinner at home tomorrow night. I've got a stick of broccoli in the fridge that I really have to use up. TERRY ON SPEAKERPHONE: I hope you appreciate the risks I take for the sake of your career. Is it paying off? Well, I found out Barbara hired some private investigator. Same guy I saw snooping around on set. I'm thinking either he had something to do with it or he's trying to find out who did. We should track him down. Did you get a phone number? No, but how hard could it be to find a Sikh PI? (SCREAMS) When was the last time you cleaned out your freezer? . RELAXED MUZAK RELAXED MUZAK CONTINUES (SCREAMS) FUNKY MUSIC < TERRY: How'd you know it was me? Because I know how bad you are with your malapropisms. The phrase is 'don't shoot the messenger'. Actually, that might be more of a mixed metaphor. Shut your goddam mouth! Understood. I don't know why you're so upset. We just handed you a lead. A lead? You broke into my car and dumped a corpse on the passenger seat. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't arrest you right now! Look, if the killer's trying to frame us for the murder, then we must be getting close. Is there anything you were able to pull off the body? We found traces of antihistamine cream under his fingernails` No, we didn't find anything. If it was only found under his fingernails, that means he must've scratched it off the killer during the struggle. What do they use antihistamine cream for? Allergies mostly ` eczema, dandruff, hives. Can also be caused by stress. What's your point? What's the most stressful job on a film set? FUNKY UPBEAT MUSIC OK, Bye! (LAUGHS) Well, hey. I'm surprised to see you here. I didn't think that you and David were exactly best buds. Well, I'm not here officially. Ah, still on the case. Any leads? Couple. Well, if there's anything I can do, let me know. Barbara was like a big sister to me. Wait, hey. Maybe I could be, like, your deputy? Thanks, but, no, I wouldn't want you getting hurt. I'm a big girl. I just play young on screen. CELL PHONE RINGS S-Sorry, sorry. Yeah? I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, but could I remind you that I'm still facing a manslaughter charge? Got it. Got it. Sorry, we're gonna have to pick this up tomorrow. I'm still on the clock. But, uh, I want you to bring that outfit. OK. (CHUCKLES) TENSE MUSIC TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES (EXCLAIMS) Dave, um... Uh, I didn't have a costume, you know, and` and I was, um, just wondering if` if you had something I could borrow? Stretch Merino. You seem to know an awful lot for a man your age. But I think it's time we find out if you're as smart as everyone says you are. A-Are you sure you wanna do this? OK, there's a lot of people here. Exactly. No one's gonna hear a thing. Help! Help! Help! Hey! What are you doing? I just wanna show you some of the film. I need a strong opinion, all right? I'm surrounded by yes-men who just want to see this thing finished. No one cares about the end result. It's me who wears it if this thing's a flop. Y-You're worried about Barbara's performance? Barbara's a star. For all the stress she put me through, that woman cuts together like Meryl Streep. It's Lilly I'm not so sure about. About what happened last night. (EXHALES LOUDLY) I don't want you to think I'm a terrible bore. ON TV: OK. Cut. Cut. Cut. Put your hands there, like that. Hold them there. Don't move them. She's not my first choice, of course. It was Barbara who insisted we audition her. God knows why, but she had it in the contract. She got to pick someone to put on the shortlist. And as fate would have it, both the other actresses got third-degree burns in a freak sunbedding accident. In the same bloody salon. What are the odds? I can't believe I didn't see this before! It makes total sense. Wait, does that mean she has eczema? Is that contagious? You know the best way to get a confession out of a killer in the third act? What's that? Do it in front of an audience. RHYTHMIC MUSIC Hey! Oh! Is that the new script? Uh, uh, yeah, yeah. So did you write me a bigger part? Uh, bigger than I expected. Perfect. Hey, Dave. New script revisions. Listen, I was thinking about our problem, and I reckon I have a solution. Give the script to Blake, but don't let Lilly see it. She can just react. Improvisation. I love it. Hey, do you mind if I say it's my idea? 'Course not. Hey, Lilly! I've got an idea! You better have a good reason for getting me out of bed this early. Oh, I do. Just watch. And action. KNOCK AT DOOR Monroe, I wasn't expecting you. I've been thinking about this case. This co-star of yours you said was like a big sister to you ` there's one thing I can't put my finger on. Oh yeah, what's that? Why do you think she kept on acting even after she was shot? Now, see, I think I know why. You see, I don't think Sheila was really acting at all. Now, I heard this awful rumour about Sheila. > She gave her own child up for adoption, only she waited until she was 8 years old to do it. Now, what do you think that does to a kid? (CHUCKLES) I haven't got the faintest idea. Well, I think that kid grew up with kind of some chip on her shoulder. That resentment festered like a wound, until one day all the anger and the hatred just boiled over till, bang, finally it pops! So, you tell me ` was she really like a big sister, or was she more like a mother? Now, it's true Sheila was no saint. Maybe she deserved to go. Maybe you had every right to pull that trigger. But you ought to know something. She regretted that decision every day of her life. And so she hired a private detective to track you down to try to make things right. She even, what, had you shortlisted for the film` She even had you shortlisted. She even had you shortlisted for that film because she knew you were an aspiring actress. But that PI she hired, oh, he was no slouch. He kept working that case even when he was off the clock, and he found out that you had all the other girls knocked off. Now, when she knew what he knew, she couldn't take it; she fell off the wagon. She couldn't handle it because she knew that you were just like her. You were mean, and you were spiteful, and you would do anything to get your own way ` now, isn't that right, Lillian? (SCREAMS) Goddam it! Cut! (GRUNTS) You know what? Keep rolling. (GRUNTS) Ow! (GRUNTS) (ROARS) Shouldn't we do something? Nah, I don't think so. (GRUNTS) What's she doing here? Be careful. She's tougher than she looks. (GROWLS) CLATTERING, CRASHING ACTION MUSIC (SOBS) Give it up, Lilly. Where are you gonna run to? Who says I'm running? I can't believe that you took her side. Do you have any idea what it's like to be abandoned by your own mother? Pulling the trigger's not gonna change that. Maybe. But it's not gonna make me feel any worse. Besides, isn't it better to go out with a bang? OK, now we can do something. Put the gun down and get on the ground! Why do the pretty ones have to be crazy? I forgot to tell you the golden rule of murder mysteries ` there's no room for a love interest. So how did you know there were blanks in the gun? I broke into her car and switched them. You're not gonna charge me for that are you, McMu`? GUNSHOT # Yeah, yeah, yeah. # You know I'm super strong, lie like a fire on. # Somebody told me I was hot right now like Tiger Balm. # Somebody said, 'T, you a teen heart-throb. # Make my baby faint, make a tween's heart stop. # You know I'm super strong, lie like a fire on. # Somebody told me I was hot right now like Tiger Balm. # Somebody said, 'T, you're a ranger. You are stranger than attraction to danger.' #