1 (FUNKY ELECTRONIC MUSIC) RAPS: # On a tiny little island at the bottom of the world, there's two funny boys and a funny little girl. # Who's got bare feet, 10-toed bare feet? # Always looking for adventure and a place to run around, # they know where there's mystery and magic to be found. # They've got bare feet, 10-toed bare feet. # So you wanna join the club? You wanna save the Earth? # You wanna show your bravery? Show just what you're worth? # So kick off your shoes and release your feet. # Yell it out the window. Yell it in the street, like... # ...we're the Bandits, Barefoot Bandits. # They've got bare feet. # Where's those bare feet? 10-toed bare feet. # Barefoot Bandits, yeah! # Barefoot Bandits, yeah! # Hey, a peanut. (PEACEFUL MUSIC) (SEAGULLS CALL) (GRUNTS) Oh, check it out! (GROANS) Come on. Just one nibble. Just a little nibble for Fridgey. (CHUCKLES) It'll happen, bro. You've just gotta have patience. Oh, I've got patience, Tane. I once let a bag of microwave popcorn go the full four minutes! Four minutes, Tane! Microwave minutes are the slowest minutes, Tane. Hmm. I actually think that might be a scientific fact. (ALL GIGGLE) (BOOM!) Aah! Aah! (GASPS) Oh! Ho-ly! W-What was that? I hope it was big popcorn. (GASPS) V-Volcano! (RUMBLING) (BOOM!) Aargh! I thought that volcano was a doormat! A doormat? What? You know, a doormat. It doesn't move. People walk all over it with very little risk. Um, the word is 'dormant'. But, um, hey, your logic weirdly makes sense. (AIR WHISTLES) Guys! Incoming! (SCREAMS) (WHOOSH!) (SIGHS) (GASPS) Please, you have to help me. (SCREAMS) (WHIMPERS) Fridge? Wakey-wakey. We have something super-rad to show you! (GROANS) MUMBLES: Yum yum chippies, Mummy. Oh. (CLEARS THROAT) I mean,... is it yum yum chippies, Tane? Hello. The name's Fridge. Hi, Fridge. My name's Tiara. Is that 'Tiara' with a T and some... other letters? Just lovely. I once wore a tiara to school. Mum said it was a special boy's tiara. (CHUCKLES) It wasn't. They don't make boys' tiaras. Please stop me talking, Tane and Riley. Something strange is happening. Fridge, Tiara isn't like us. She's actually a princess. And she's something else. She's something else as well. Hey, show him. (GIGGLES) Hi. (CHUCKLES) (GASPS) You're both just standing by while she's being devoured by a fish?! (GRUNTS) Worry not, fair maiden. The Fridge is here to save`! Stop. She's a mermaid. Why you gotta make things weird, bro? Oh, yes. I'm the one making the situation weird (!) While I'm very much entertained by this... bizarre interaction, we must hide now. Tiara's being hunted by some scary-as fulla. She needs our help to keep her safe. Yes. The scary-as 'fulla' is a crabnoid. A crabnoid, Fridge! A crabnoid! (WHISPERS) Crabnoid. Indeed. The crabnoid has tormented my people for many years. We managed to stay hidden, but I went against my father's wishes and explored beyond the borders of our safe haven. And now I am lost and hunted. I don't know what he wants, but I know he won't stop until I am caught. Riiight. So, real mermaid running away from mysterious crabnoid. Yeah, I think I've got it. So... you're not going to freak out? (SCOFFS) Tane. A little maturity, please. Uh, I don't like this version of Fridge. We must move now ` before he finds me. (STRAINS, GRUNTS) (SIGHS) This is nice. Get out of the dinghy and help us, egg! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS, STRAINS) What on Earth would an enchanting mermaid see in those dimwits? I'm sure she'd be far more interested in an intellectual who can list every marine invertebrate in alphabetical order! I mean, come on! (CHUCKLES) Well, bandits, it looks like it's me versus you in a battle to woo... her. Uh, it's` it'll` it'll be a battle to w` to woo her. (CACKLES) (WATER BUBBLES) (GROWLS) Hmm. (OMINOUS MUSIC) (ROCK SIZZLES) DISTANTLY: Right, thank you all for coming to this important town` Oh. This is no good. Is that better? Can everyone see me now? OK, now, as you may have noticed, there is a very pressing issue at hand. Yes. I'm at a loss, actually, as to what to do. I would very much like some input from the public ` you guys ` on this. As you can all see, I have, in fact, changed my tie. I know, I know ` it's quite unlike me, but I felt... it's time for a change, so I've` I've just` I've gone and done it. Dennis, there's a massive volcanic boulder right next to you. That's the pressing issue. Oh. I thought that was a present from Mr Slab. Oh. I even sent him a 'thank you' gift. Hmm. (GRINDING) Oh! Wha... (STAMMERS) Seriously?! What a waste! Should we be worried about the volcano? Uh,... I don't think so. Should we? I'm asking you. Are you? Dennis, you're the mayor. Dealing with this sort of thing is part of your job. Oh, uh,... is it? I mean, don't you think it might be more of a police... gig? Yeah, sorry, Dennis. I'm afraid I don't have big enough handcuffs. (CHUCKLES) Excuse me? That's a joke. The hand` Well, the handcuffs don't fit... the boulder` the boulders. They're... (CHUCKLES) Anyway. Oh, all right, then. I'll talk to an expert about it. You happy now?! # "Whole World" by Gabe Simon FATHER: 'When she saw her favorite animals' '- all in real life-' 'her face just lit up.' 'And when I saw that? Well, mine did too.' NARRATOR: 'When you book a flight with Expedia,' 'and add a hotel or activity,' 'you can save.' 'Everything you need to go.' 'EXPEDIA.' 1 Lunch... is served. What delicious human treats do we have here? Fish and chips! (SCREAMS) Huh? (BREATHES ANXIOUSLY) Oh no. You don't like chips? Yeah. It's the tarakihi, bro. You've got fish! (BREATHES ANXIOUSLY, WHIMPERS) It's OK. They're not alive. They've been skinned, gutted, de-boned and then dipped in boiling hot oil ` fried to a crisp. They're delicious. (SCREAMS) (GROWLS) Princess Tiara. (GROWLS) Um, I'm super sorry about that, Tiara. It's OK. I guess I have to get used to that sort of thing if I am to become human one day. Become human? Say what? Oh yes. I very much believe that one day, I will meet a human prince and we'll fall in love and that true love will give me a pair of those glorious human legs you use so wonderfully. Hoo. Hee. Hah. Thanks... for noticing. B-But` Oh, come` You don't need a stupid uppity prince. You're a mermaid. That's so cool. You can breathe underwater and do other` other cool fish things. You're, like, number three on my 'things I would rather be than what I am right now' list. What are the other two? Alien bounty hunter and prime minister ` duh. (GASPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC) He is coming! We must leave. Guys, we can't keep dragging this boat everywhere. We need a better way to get Tiara round. (GASPS) I have a plan. (CURIOUS MUSIC) (KNOCKS) Mrs Gobb? Hmm. OK. (SNORES) (SNORES) Mrs Gobb. Mrs Gobb. LOUDER: Mrs Gobb. Uh,... your wheelchair for a really important mission? (CONTINUES SNORING) Ugh. AS MRS GOBB: Y-Yes, my dear. I give you my full permission. Cool. Cool, cool. Thanks. Thanks so much. You're awesome. You're awesome. Thank you. Just going. (CURIOUS MUSIC) (TYRES SCREECH) Your chariot awaits. (LAUGHS) (GASPS) That's Bessy's wheelchair! You stole an old lady's travel seat? Calm down. She said it was fine. Ish. Kind of. Her mouth moved. It's fine. It's fine. Choice. OK, my mum and dad are at the doctor's and won't be back for a while. We can hide there for a bit and suss out a plan. All right. So,... who's pushing? (CHUCKLES) Get out, egg! (GASPS) He is close. We must leave now. (BING-BONG!) SINGS: # I clean up all the mess. I'm scratching my ear. # I take the chips out, and I put it here. (GROWLS) Oi, hey, mate! What are you up to today? Oh, look at you! I never see someone as big as you before! You want to buy everything in the shop? Huh?! What do you want? I have everything for you. I'm looking for a mermaid. Oh. No, no mermaid today, sorry. But we have tarakihi, and we have snapper, or` You know, actually, I give you mussels. You want lots of mussels? Cos you're big` have big muscles yourself! (GROWLS) Oh, you like him, huh? $80 for you. Uh, hey. Hey! Hey! Hey! Do you want chips with that as well? Here you go. This should make it a little bit more like home. And this should really make the flavours pop. WHISPERS: Fridge! This is for Tiara! Riiight. So we're not making bath stew? Question mark? Yuck, no, gross. (GIGGLES) Oh, this is wonderful. It's like a tiny, cramped little ocean. I have an orca friend who would probably love this. I do hope my prince will have one of these. Ugh. Still with the whole prince thing, eh? Mm. You're in need of some real reprogramming, aren't ya, girl? That sounds fun. (GROANS) So, how do we get you home safely? Well, if we can get close to the water again, then I can communicate with my father, and he can come to rescue me. But if we head back to the old fishing rocks, surely we're gonna run into old Snappy Hands. We could take her to the other side of the island. (GASPS) Yeah, to Kina Cove. Yeah. Well, that's where Dad catches all his crayfish. It's pretty hidden. (KNOCK ON DOOR, ALL GASP) (WHIMPERS) KIRI: Tane, sweetie. Are you in there? DEEPER VOICE: Uh, I'm` I'm busy, Mum. (BOTH WHISPER) Why are you putting on a voice? I don't know! We have some news for you, hon. WHISPERS: Shh. You guys stay quiet. I'll sort this out. Hurry up, son. (KNOCKS) Hey,... Jack and Kiri. Ya-ha-hoo. Ooh, I mean, Mum and Dad. How's everything, you know? What's new? What's up with you fullas? Are you... having a bath? Me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just been, uh, you know, hitting stuff. Well, not` not hitting` with a stick. You know? You know? Manly stuff. Got a bit sweaty. Well, um` Hmm. (SNIFFS) Why does it smell like peppered trout in there? Um,... yeah. That would be the... uh, deodorant we got you for Christmas that you never used! So... what's up with that? Not cool, Dad. Not cool. Stop being weird, son. Your mum and I have exciting news to tell you. Well, you're going to have a new brother or sister. (CHUCKLES) Ho-ly. Hmm... Oh, yeah, that's choice as. Tane. Are you OK? FRIDGE: Oh! (CHUCKLES) What is going on? Nothing... No, no, no. Wait, wait. (MOMENTOUS MUSIC) I was... just... peeping through the window. All right, then. I'm... I'm sorry, Mum, Dad. I... I have to go. (SIGHS) Oh. I'm sure he's happy about it. Boys can be pretty weird sometimes. He'll come around. 1 (CHEERFUL MUSIC) (BOTH WHOOP, CHEER) (LAUGHS) Whoo! Ooh! Make way! I've got the speed wobbles! (GRUNTS) (ADVENTUROUS MUSIC) (CLAPS EXCITEDLY) Oh, Fridge! You were delightful. Well, m'lady, I do like to, uh... Hey, guys! Wait up! My prince? (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) No, it's just me. (GIGGLES) It's me, Tane. Ah, put a shirt on, mate. (SIGHS) Honestly, you do not need a prince. However will I stand on my own two feet? You're awesome as you are. Having a tail is pretty sweet. He's right. (APPREHENSIVE MUSIC) (WHEELCHAIR SQUEAKS) (SIGHS) But... Is it just me, or does it seem like she's about to sing? SINGS: # Wouldn't it be sweet if I could find my feet # so I could walk and dance and run? # And as the story goes, I'll have rows and rows of toes # and fingernails on every one. # I can't wait to squat and crouch upon the spot # and use those things that you call... knees? # When people come my way, they will stop and say... (SQUAWKS RHYTHMICALLY) # So for me to be complete, I think it would be sweet # for a prince to help me find my... # feet. # (CHUCKLES) Mm. Two things ` uh, great song. Odd. Odd. Very odd, but great. And while you were hung up on the old prince thing, you seem to be getting around on your tail just fine. Yeah. You've got the best of both worlds. A tail for swimming and a tail for hopping. Or sitting ` like when it's eating time, if it was eating time. Is it eating time now, guys? Just saying. Everybody's talkin' about it. (LAUGHS) I guess I've just never tried to get around on land before. This is amazing. Maybe you're right ` I don't need a prince at all. Oh! Just wonderful (!) Thanks for ruining my chances, you lot. It's taken me all afternoon to get this amazing outfit together and train the sheep. You know, that's not easy. They're quite idiotic in nature. Hey, hey, hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold` Hold on! I haven't even started parading them properly yet. Wait, go back! (SHEEP BLEATS) Reverse, sheep! OK, uh, thanks, Sebastian. Good on ya, bro. See ya! On to Kina Cove we go. (OMINOUS MUSIC) (TIARA SCREAMS) It doesn't pay to take a musical break, princess. Unhand that fair maiden. Aargh! Unhand me! Hey, crab fulla! Put the princess down! Yeah. And the mermaid. Back off. She's mine. And this guy ` I wanna see him swim. Nah, bro. Not today! - (CLANG!) - Aah! Oh, my helmet! I need my helmet, OK? I need... I need my helmet! Yo, Crusty! Looking for this, huh? (GROWLS AGGRESSIVELY) (BLOWS RASPBERRY) (SCREAMS) (GRUNTS) (WHEELCHAIR SQUEAKS) (STRAINS) Let go of my friend! (GRUNTS) Hold on, Fridge. You're slipping! It's from the nervous... sweating! No! (CRASH!) (GASPS) I... I thought my plan would work. I had him. You were very brave. Oh. It's all good. I think Fridge is OK. Fridge? Hey! I landed on my feet! I've never landed on my feet! It's cool! Have you come to witness my triumph? Twas Fridge slayed the beast. OK, tone it down, hero. Hey, crab man. What's your problem, eah? Yeah. Why do you wanna hurt me and my people? Yeah` It's moving! (YELPS) (GROANS) I didn't wanna hurt you. I just needed your hair. Ew. Creepy. I'm... bald. (SOBS) Ew. Creepy. Princess Tiara's people all have hair that perfectly matches mine. Once I have it, I can cover my shame and be complete again. Bro, my koro Hone, he's bald as, and he's one of the coolest people I know. Yeah. My aunt Ginny is bald in two spots. We shoot suction darts at them. 10 points if they stick. It's hard ` she moves. I know what it's like to feel like you need something to complete you. But when you finally figure out how complete you already are, the last thing you'll worry about is how you look. But for now, if you really want some of my hair, you can have it. You would... do that? Well, what good is it being a princess if I can't help those in need? I feel a song coming on. Another time, Fridge. Bit rude. But now I must take this crabnoid` Uh,... it's Dante. I must go now and let my people know that Dante here is no longer a threat. You gonna call your dad? Please, let me escort you back. It's the least I could do. That would be delightful, Dante. Bandits, I believe this is goodbye. You've all helped me more than you could ever know. I don't know how to thank you. Oh, (CHUCKLES) it's all good, eh. Yeah, you don't need to thank us. I mean, we got to meet a mermaid. A mermaid! A mermaid! Rargh! I don't know why I'm doing that. You're here. You're still here. (CHUCKLES, SQUAWKS) Take this. It will light the way in the most uncertain of times. Oh, choice. (SOFT MUSIC) Tane! Honey, are you OK? You didn't seem yourself. Oh, nah, I'm all good, Mum. This is for bub's room. Bubs? Oh, yeah. Guys, I'm gonna be a big brother, eh. (GASPS) That's awesome! Kiri, I will be honoured to be an uncle to your second child, and if the need should arise, a father. Fridge! After you, of course, Jack. Mum's wheelchair! Did you lot do this?! Uh,... yeah. Sorry about that, Mr Gobb. Actually, you know what? Don't be sorry. This is good! It'll take weeks to get a new one. She won't be able to follow me around. (LAUGHS) Hooray for the Barefoot Bandits! ('80s-STYLE POP MUSIC) Captions by Alex Walker. www.able.co.nz Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2017 Thank you, NZ On Air!