* (CHEERFUL TRADITIONAL GREEK MUSIC) BOY: I'm gonna get you! George! (MEN LAUGH) WOMAN: Alexandre, when you get married? Time is running out... (SPEAKS GREEK) MAN: Tomorrow he'll be 50, then nobody will want him. MAN 2: Look, your brother. He married, have a kid. Maybe another baby soon, eh, Stavros? Someone's got to keep the Karrastopoulos name alive. -Right, Dad? -(MAN REPLIES IN GREEK) The way he going, we never have another photo like his brother up there. Gonna always be full with toilet papers. Why should I get married when every married person I know is miserable? That's life. You get married, you have kids. You miserable, but at least you married. -Or you grow old alone. -DAD: And die alone. -Nai. -MAN 3: No, you need a woman. Can cook for you and clean for you and cut your toenails and make you a nice galaktoboureko. -You know what I'm... -(WOMAN SPEAKS GREEK) Ahhh! You listen to me. You come to my gym, I make you some nice muscles, some aquapuncture, you get plenty of women. Ah, I get Stavroula. -Nai. -No, no, no, no, no. Theo. She have good job, plenty money. -Yeah, how much? -Two properties, Circular Quay. -Well, bring her over. -Guys, guys! -I can get a girl on my own. -(LAUGHS) -What, when I die? -Yeah, if that's what happens. -What do you mean?! -I may never get married! -(CONVERSATIONS STOP ABRUPTLY) -(GASPS) (CAR SKIDS AND CRASHES NEARBY) (KOOKABURRA CALLS) (SHOUTS ANGRILY IN GREEK) (GUESTS SHOUT IN GREEK) (LIVELY PERCUSSIVE MUSIC PLAYS) (SPEAKS ARABIC) Oh, Mama! (WOMEN STIFLE LAUGHTER) IMAM: Are you entering into this marriage free of coercion? -MAN: Yes. -WOMAN: Yes. IMAM: Are you entering this marriage free of coercion? -Yes. -Yes. (GUESTS ULULATE, PERCUSSIVE MUSIC POUNDS) Shadi, take care. Welcome to the family. (LIVELY PERCUSSION CONTINUES, GUESTS ULULATE) (BAND PLAYS MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC) (MUSIC CONCLUDES) (SPEAKS ARABIC) (ARABIC-INFLUENCED ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) (WOMEN WHOOP) (LIVELY DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES) -BOY: How are you doing, sir? -Good. -Hey. How are you today? -Not bad. (BELL RINGS) Now, Pythagoras, who was Greek, of course, proved that C-squared equals A-squared plus B-squared. Sir, bro, we're never gonna use this in the real world. Chris, you play football. Do you lift weights? You lift weights to build muscle. -Eee-eee! -(ALL LAUGH) That's right. And you do maths to build the muscle in here. Which will make you a better footballer. -STUDENTS: Oooh! -(PHONE BUZZES) Sir, bro, no mobile phones allowed in class, remember? I'm not going out tonight. PAUL: But we always go out on Friday nights! This time Claire's coming and she's bringing a friend from work. You know I don't like set-ups! Is sir talking to his girlfriend? Sir doesn't have a girlfriend. He's gay. Did your students just call you gay? -Yeah, they always call me gay. -Alright, fantastic. This is your big chance to prove to them you're not gay. -So, listen to me... -No, you listen to me. I am never setting foot inside a bar again. (CHAMPAGNE CORK POPS) Why don't you talk to her? She's Greek. How do you know? You can see her moustache from here. -Arggh! Oh. -(PEOPLE GASP) -Oh! -(GASPS) So sorry. Are you gonna help me up? Yeah, yeah. Of course, of course. (ALEX GASPS) Pssst! Sorry. Sorry. (SIGHS) Are you OK? Apart from a cracked skull and a ruined dress, I'm fine. So sorry. Here, take the seat. -No, you have it. -Please take it. -No, I don't want it. -No, take the seat. -It's your seat. -No, you take it. I'll take it. Hmm. (SPEAKS GREEK) -What was that? -It's Greek. -I'm not Greek. -Ohh. (WHISPERS) What the hell am I doing here? What did you say? I just can't believe I let myself get dragged here tonight. -Oh, I was dragged here too. -How'd you get roped in? I was in court all day and a work colleague took me here to 'cleanse' me. -So you're a lawyer? -Mmm. I know, greedy emotionless shark. I've heard it all before. Actually, I was gonna say that the lawyers, as practitioners, hold power to account. -Oh, you're a lawyer? -Mm-mm. No. -I'm a maths teacher. -Oh. Shouldn't you be at home solving equations? Well, actually, I was calculating the probability of meeting someone nice at a place like this. And what is the probability? Still calculating. -I'm Eve. -Alex. -(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) -Ah! I see you two have met. Mmm. (PAUL AND CLAIRE CHUCKLE) (ALEX SIGHS) Oh, that's a nice view. EVE: Oh, yeah. I see it from my office every day and I've never climbed it. That's so un-Australian. -Have you climbed it? -Oh! Hell, no. Little bit scared of heights. You know, my dad sailed under that bridge 40 years ago. Came here with 20 bucks. Apparently he jumped on a ship and screamed, "Take me to the Harbour Bridge." Two days, three bouts of diarrhoea later, he meets this surly old Greek man who's like, "You Greek? You meet my daughter." And by the time they sailed under the Harbour Bridge, Mum and Dad were engaged. Four properties, a souvlaki bar later... (SIGHS) ..here I am. My parents only have one property. Like most Arabs, they store their cash in the ceiling to double as insulation batts. Mmm. Looks like you won't be getting much sleep tonight. I don't live with Paul. -You live alone? -Uh, no. You live with your parents? Uh, well, it's kind of hard to explain. I live with my parents. You know, the real estate market is so hard to get into. -And rent money is just... -BOTH: Dead money. (ALEX CHUCKLES) Straight out of my dad's mouth. Hey, my mum's got the patent on that line. PAUL: Alright, I'll see you later. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. -(EVE GROANS) -(CLAIRE LAUGHS) So, what are we gonna do now? I guess what everyone does at this time of night. What's that? (CHEERFUL TRADITIONAL GREEK MUSIC) (ALEX AND EVE CHAT INDISTINCTLY) (TRADITIONAL GREEK MUSIC CONTINUES) (CHEERFUL MUSIC CONTINUES) (CAR ENGINE ROARS) -Sorry, I'm a bit of a revhead. -Really? Hadn't noticed. -EVE: Oh, come on. -ALEX: Ahhh! -What you been drinking? -Nothing. It's against my religion. But that's not why I don't drink. Calories. ALEX: The last house on the left. Hey. Hey! You can't do that! -ALEX'S DAD: Heh? -(ALEX GROANS) You can't do that, mate. (SHOUTS IN GREEK) -EVE: Can you believe that guy? -Yeah, people these days just... Alexandre, is that you? Uh, yeah, Dad. Yeah. (SCOFFS) -Thanks for the lift. -Mm-hm. Hey, would you be interested in coming to talk to my kids? I often get professionals from non-English-speaking backgrounds to come in... I don't think that's a very good idea. Oh. Why? I charge 480 per hour. Huh? I'm joking. (ALEX INHALES DEEPLY) (BOTH CHUCKLE) -(EVE CLEARS HER THROAT) -(ALEX SIGHS) (ALEX GROANS) (MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY) (EVE STARTS ENGINE) You shake her hand? How you gonna get married doing this rubbish? (SPEAKS GREEK) Come here. (SPEAKS GREEK) Hey! I used to... -You ready? -Yeah. (SHOUTS IN GREEK) Come on, lift it! Yeah! And push. That's it. Come on. Two more. One, two. (SPEAKS GREEK) Two more sets. One... (LIVELY GREEK-INFLUENCED DANCE MUSIC) Very strong. Cross your legs. Very good! Getting better, eh? Alright? Huh? Hello, girls. How are you? Arggh! (SHOUTS IN GREEK) Dyo. Tria. -(LOUD CLANG) -Oh! (TRAINER SHOUTS IN GREEK) Sorry. I'm sorry, mate. ALEX: OK, now to something fun, exciting, stimulating. -Algebra. -(STUDENTS GROAN) GIRL: Sir, you know Lebs full invented algebra? Rima, the Greeks invented everything. GIRL 2: You just got told. Well, actually, Rima's right. The Arabs did invent algebra. But the Greeks, they made it sexy. -ALEX: Alpha, beta... -BOY: Gamma. -GIRL 2: What's that? -BOY: Rooting. -(STUDENTS LAUGH) -(KNOCK AT DOOR) Hi. -Can I come in? -Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, why don't you come in? Alright, Year 11, this is Ms El Masri. She's a prominent lawyer and she's been kind enough to come in and talk to you today about law as a possible career. So, without any further ado, come forth, thy silent lawyer. Sir, bro, you wrecked it. Stop trying to show off the Shakespeare shit. -Shut up, Chris. -Excuse me. -Miss, are you single? -ALEX: Chris. -Sir, I'm trying to hook you up. -Yeah, stop embarrassing sir. She's full hot. As if she's gonna go out with a teacher. What's wrong with going out with a teacher? -Go for it, sir. -Yeah, youse got chemistry. -I can see sparks flying. -You've got Chemistry next. -See sparks flying there. -(STUDENTS GROAN) EVE: When I was your age, we used to have these idiots come into school and lecture, "I was once this young ethnic kid "who no-one believed in, "but with a bit of hard work I achieved success." -Am I right? -(STUDENTS MURMUR) How many of you would like to do something valuable for the community? You know, help stand up for people who can't stand up for themselves? Defending human rights? How many of you want to make lots of money? (STUDENTS CHUCKLE) Miss, if sir asked you out, would you go out with him? You're tenacious, the hallmark of a great lawyer. (STUDENTS LAUGH) (EVE SIGHS) Thanks for having me. That was a lot of fun. Oh, no worries. Thanks for coming in. (JOKINGLY) My students certainly took to you. (EVE CHUCKLES) OK, um, 'bye. (BOTH CHUCKLE) Sir, you should have asked her out. Told you he's gay. (STUDENTS LAUGH) PAUL: So, why didn't you ask her out? ALEX: Well, I was going to, but then an image of Mum and Dad meeting Eve's parents bloody flashed before my eyes. PAUL: Alex, when will you stop living the life your parents want you to live? Give her a call, I dare you. PAUL: Gia'sou, Mr Karrastopoulos! It's the son you wished you never had! -ALEX'S DAD: Ah, Paul. -PAUL: What's cooking? (PHONE RINGING TONE) (EVE ON VOICEMAIL) Hi. This is Eve. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you - as soon as I can. - (BEEP!) Howdy. Hi. Um... It's Alex from school. I was just calling to say hi. And, you know, thanks for coming in today. -It was... -(BEEP!) -And, um...it... -(DISCONNECT TONE) (SIGHS) EVE: Claire, you've got Burns v. Crown in the morning. Is that OK? You'll need three copies. Thanks. (MOBILE PHONE BEEPS) PAUL: I love your food, Mrs Karrastopoulos. Humph. (SPEAKS GREEK) ALEX'S MUM: Ha! You don't like it, you cook yourself. -Thank you, Paul. -Thank you. Pass the bread. -(SPEAKS GREEK) Wake up. -Stav! -What? -Where are your manners? He's off with the fairies. Come on! Sorry. -(MOBILE PHONE BUZZES) -(GASPS) -Oh! -(ALEX'S MUM SHRIEKS) -Hello? -Hey, is it a bad time? No, no, no. It's a good time. I was just wondering if you wanted to maybe, I don't know... Why you have a Muslim mullah book here? -Uncle Alex, you're in trouble. -Uh, one sec. -ALEX'S DAD: Eh?! -They're not mine. -Who are they? -Paul's. He's seeing a Muslim woman. But I'm talking him out of it. Why do that, eh, vlakas? Because she's a Muslim mana. ALEX'S DAD: Hey, Paul, you happy? Oh, I love her. Yeah, well, don't listen to this stupido. That's why he never get married. Just because she Muslim mana, doesn't matter. You know, we just want our boys to be happy. -Amen to that. Cheers. -OTHERS: Amen. There's thousands of women, and you choose a Muslim mana? -Malaka. -How do you live with this guy? -Alcohol, plenty of it. -ALEX: Eve... So sorry about all of that. Um... Would you want to go for a drink sometime? Uh, that might not be a good idea. ALEX: Why not? We have chemistry. Well, at least that's what my students said. That...that's not the point. -So you agree? -No. Oh, come on. Just one drink. Oh, yeah, you don't drink. Dinner? No pork. Steak? Beef? Vegetarian? I'm sorry, Alex. It was nice meeting you. (DISCONNECT TONE) (MELANCHOLY MUSIC) (SIGHS) (SIGHS) Oh! * (PRIEST CHANTS) Descendant of God, Emmanuel, is baptised in the name of the Father... -(BABY CRIES) -And of God... (WHISPERS) She's looking at you. Church is the best pick-up joint. -Like, give her a look back. -Shhh! Relax it. I'm just trying to help you. (STAVROS SIGHS) (INHALES) You trying to pick up my wife in church? (MUTTERS IN GREEK) RIMA: Hey, sir, I got engaged on Saturday to Abdul, my first cousin. -Your first cousin? -Relax, sir. Our religion full allows it. Every second Leb is married to their first cousin. Don't look so shocked. England used to full allow their cousins to marry. Yeah, but this ain't 16th-century England. -When are you getting married? -Next year. -Just like that? -When you know, you know. -Right, sir? -Yeah. It's funny you say that. My friend just met a Muslim woman and said the same thing. -RIMA: Where did he meet her? -At a bar. -Drinking alcohol? -No, no. Water. CHRIS: Hectic, bro. You going out with a Muslim? -Not me, Chris. A friend. -Watch out for her brothers. If they find out, they'll bash ya. Sarah, why on earth are you with this stereotype? 'Cause his dick's as big as his ego, sir. RIMA: She sounds like a halfie - believes in the religion but won't commit fully till she gets married. You need to work on your love-life, sir. Yeah, you really do need a girlfriend, sir. Why do I need a girlfriend? MANDY: You look...empty. SARAH: Yeah, you don't have that glow about you. Go to the brothel. The girls will make you glow for $180. -Chris! -What? Hi. You know stalking's a criminal offence. It's not stalking when you've only done it once. -I hope. -(LAUGHS) Um, sorry, I just came to say, how do you know that in 30 years time you don't look back and say to yourself, "I should've given Alex a shot? "Even though he was lactose intolerant, he wasn't too bad." -She'll give you a go. -I will?! -Yeah, she will. (CLAIRE WOLF-WHISTLES) Oh, just one more thing. Do you have any brothers? Five. But don't worry, they're all in jail. (BRIGHT, UPBEAT ARABIC MUSIC) (CRIES OUT) (BOTH SCREAM) What the hell are you doing? (UPBEAT ARABIC MUSIC CONTINUES) STAVROS: Who's the special girl you're taking out? -ALEX'S DAD: She Greek? -No, Dad. But like everyone else, she wants to be. -I like her already. -Dad, you're gonna love her. -Trust me. -Stav, leave him alone. If she tell you her problems, don't try to fix it. -How do you know that? -I used to be a Casanova. (BLOWS A RASPBERRY) Hey, and you take her somewhere expensive. Don't be cheap, OK? Here. Alright? For you. Have a good time. -Alright? -Thanks. Good boy. (SCOFFS) He's got no chance. (SHOUTS) How's weather in Beirut? You don't have to scream. They can hear you. When you come to Australia? (SPEAKS ARABIC) -(SPEAKS ARABIC) -Come say hello. Come and say hello. Don't be rude. Come say hello. (SPEAKS ARABIC) Say hello. (SPEAKS ARABIC) -How are you, man? -(MAN SPEAKS ARABIC) -Eva! Eva! -What? We being Skippy. Where are you? (SPEAKS ARABIC) Why? But it's Mohomad. Your fiance. He be Skippy from Lebanon. (SPEAKS ARABIC) Mum, stop saying he's my fiance. He's not my fiance. -But he will be soon, habibi. -Shhh! I've told you a hundred times, I'm not interested in him. But you had such a good time with him in Lebanon. That was 12 months ago, Mum. I'm not interested. Drop it, OK? He's good Muslim and from good Muslim family. Yeah, just drop it. We're just friends, that's it. -Speak to him quickly. -No, I can't. -I'm running late. -For me. Please? -Mum, I can't. -Please, for me, speak to him. Mummy, Mummy, please, I can't. I'm really running... Please talk to him, quickly. Please, for me. For me, speak to him, quickly. (SPEAKS ARABIC) (SHADI AND MOHOMAD SPEAK INDISTINCTLY) -SHADI: Very expensive. -(MOHOMAD SPEAKS ARABIC) -Alright. -EVE: Sorry, Dad. -Sorry, Dad. -(DAD HUFFS) (GREETS IN ARABIC) (SPEAKS ARABIC) -How are you? -Good. How is work going? It's good. It's really busy at the moment. But it's good. I was thinking of coming to Australia for a visit. -(SPEAKS ARABIC) -(SPEAKS ARABIC) Uh, it... We're...I'm run off my feet. That would be good. Yeah, that'd be nice. We could spend more time together. Yes. P.A.: ..your BridgeClimb experience to the top of the arch. There are 1,332 stairs. The arch itself is 134 metres above sea level. (WHISPERS) Come on! The road deck is high enough for the cruise ship 'Sun Princess' to fit underneath. With 6 million rivets and over 52,000 tonnes of steel... Excuse me. Did you sail under the bridge when you first migrated here? I come by jumbo jet... OK. -(HORN HONKS) -Come on! -How's the weather in Beirut? -MOHOMAD: It's hot. It's, uh, summer. And, uh, how is the weather there? (WOMAN SPEAKS ARABIC) Cold. OK, well, I've got to go. Um, I'm running late. But it was so lovely speaking to you. -(OTHERS SPEAK OVER EACH OTHER) -But I'll see you soon, OK? -MOHOMAD: Nice to see you. -OK, great. 'Bye. (ALL CLAMOUR) (INDISTINCT RECORDING ON P.A.) Hey! Knew you'd make it. That's yours. (MID-TEMPO MIDDLE EASTERN PERCUSSION MUSIC) (GUIDE SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) -Can you help? -Oh. -Alright, thanks. -Sure. -Thanks. -Are you OK? Don't worry, Alex. This will be fun. (ALEX CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) (MID-TEMPO MIDDLE EASTERN PERCUSSION CONTINUES) (ALEX GASPS) -(SIREN WAILS) -ALEX: Oh, no. (MUMBLES NERVOUSLY) Hey, do you want to stop? ALEX: Oh, no, no, no. I want to, uh... (PANTS) I want to get to the top. (BREATHES DEEPLY) (ALEX GROANS) OK. (ALEX PANTS SOFTLY) (SIGHS) You did it. (LAUGHS) -Look at the view! -No. (CHUCKLES) No. Ohhh. ALEX: Wow. (SERENE MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC) (UPBEAT MUSIC) (UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES) Oooh! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. (EVE CHUCKLES) (WOMEN CHATTER INDISTINCTLY) CLAIRE: No, why not? EVE'S MUM: Because it's a bit shame, a bit too shame. Wait one minute. Oh, Mum, Mum, relax. -Daddy. -(SPEAKS ARABIC) EVE'S MUM: Come and eat, alright? -Come home to eat. -Bye-bye. When are you getting married? We go to Lebanon next month, we find good Muslim. Yeah, what if I find someone before then? But you say Muslim men here are rubbish. -What if he's not Muslim? -(SPEAKS ARABIC) ..Australie? He'd be drunk at the pub all day. "G'day, mate. Give me beer or meat pie. "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, oi, oi, oi." What rubbish culture is this? Well, what about the Greeks? Greeks have culture. All they talk about is Greek history. The Greeks, they think they invent everything. But is bullshit. -Didn't they? -No! We invent the Sanskrit number... Oil and algebra. We have za'atar, we give to charity. Greeks are greedy. They have to pay to pray. A Greek would stole your money, eh? I knew about Greg. Mmm. I was going to kill you. You lucky I not tell your father. He would have kill you. But I know after Greg, you no shame this family again. BOY: Incoming! BOY 2: Let's go. (LAUGHTER) BOY: That was a big fail. (WOMAN GRUNTS) (SHOUTING AND LAUGHTER) BOY 2: Oh, no! (TOY WHISTLES) BOY: Ohh! You don't need to throw that one back, Mrs Thompson. BOY: Arggh! (CHUCKLES) VOICEOVER: There's a glass & a half in everyone. * Good morning, good morning. I am Bassam. And I will be giving your talk today. So, why do women have to wear baggy clothes and that headscarf thingy? I full told you why, Mandy. BASSAM: Islam is about the family. Anything that tries to break the family, Islam is against. I'm of Greek heritage, and we're very family oriented. A little too much sometimes. Mm-hm. Good. Sir full likes a Muslim woman, so he's trying to say he's similar. Yes, sir organised this whole excursion just so he can learn more about Islam. Sir, what's a mosque got to do with maths? MANDY: Can a Muslim marry a non-Muslim? Legally only Muslim man can marry a non-Muslim. -RIMA: See, I told you. -So you're effed, bro. -BOTH: Chris! -What? I said 'effed'. -(BASSAM CHUCKLES) Very young kids, sometimes they swear and don't know they do it. Sometimes I swear and don't know I do it. So, would a non-Muslim have to convert to marry a Muslim? Uh, we believe everybody born Muslim, so if you live by the values of Islam and revert, then you can marry this woman. CHRIS: Hectic. Sir's gonna become a Muslim. Now the Lebos won't bash you but the Greeks will. Hmm. OK. Follow me. (BASSAM SINGS IN ARABIC) (CONTINUES SINGING) BASSAM: Allahu Akbar. (FOOTSTEPS CLATTER) Hello! The bad influence is here! BASSAM: Allahu Akbar. (MUTTERS) CLAIRE: Whoa. EVE: Leb's version of a glory box. Mom's been buying these things for when I get married from since before I was born. The way she going, she be's like you. -Never get married. -(EVE SIGHS) Well, it's not my fault Paul won't ask me. -I've got to get changed. -Where are you going? Uh, we have a work function. -But Mohomad, he be Skippy soon. -So? What I say to him? Just tell him she's met someone else. (BOTH LAUGH) ALEX: So she dumped me because she didn't think I was marriage material. And I was like, "What is marriage material?" And she said, "A salary of over half a million after tax." EVE: That sounds like it was difficult. ALEX: Yeah, it was. But I dealt with it quite well under the circumstances. Only stalked her for, like, six months. (CHUCKLES) When I broke up with Greg, I left the country for a year. He said he couldn't handle my religion. Sometimes I think it would be easier being Anglo-Christian. Ah, you don't wear a hijab. You wear a hijab, people think you've got a bomb in your bag. No, my parents practise. I don't. -Are you religious? -Hell, no, thank God. My parents are fine with my lack of religious convictions as long as I marry a good Greek girl. Ahh, so this relationship is doomed, then? Nah, as if we'd let a little thing like religion get in the way. (CLICKS TONGUE) This is us. You're gonna love this - Greek old school. (WOMAN SINGS UPBEAT GREEK FOLK SONG) ALEX: This is what I grew up with. (WHISTLING) You've never seen Greeks party, have you? -No, I haven't. -You've got to get in there. No, no, no. Hey, we're going for a dance. Hey, do you guys mind if we join in? -No. -Come on. ALEX: Come on, Eve. I don't know what I'm doing. Left, right, left, right. -Left and back. Right? -I don't know... (SONG CONTINUES) We should get out there. OK. Oh, hello! EVE: Alex! PAUL: Hey! Come on! (FAST BOUZOUKI SOLO) -EVE: Alex... -Come on. ALEX: Great! You're doing good. Oh, yeah, spin. -Oh, yeah. -(SQUEALS) CLAIRE: Yeah! (LAUGHS) (CROCKERY SMASHES) (LIVELY GREEK SONG CONTINUES) (LAUGHS) (SONG CONTINUES) (ALEX'S DAD SPEAKS GREEK) (SONG FADES) EVE'S MUM: Where you been? -At a...at a work function. -Bullshit. You been with non-Muslim. Don't lie to me. (SPEAKS ARABIC) Don't lie to me. -How did you find out? -Don't worry how I find out. Have you had the... Mum! Have you had an S-E-X? That's none of your business! (MUM SPEAKS ARABIC) What is happening to you? -It's your fault. -My fault? -You too soft on her! -You talking crazy, Salwa. Your 30-year-old daughter is with non-Muslim having S-E-X! -SHADI: What do you mean? -Mum! Who's been pumping my sister? Look, what will the Lebanese community say? Who's worried about what the community says? -You stupid... -EVE: They're just words! They're gonna find something else to gossip about! Now they will never stop talking about us! -Salwa! -Mum! Are you willing to shame this family to be with someone who will leave you in six months? -He won't. -Greg did! -That's not fair. -Do his parents know? Do you think they will accept you? Leave him! (SALWA SPEAKS ARABIC DESPAIRINGLY) 1 It's not OK to say she was asking for it. It's not OK to punch a hole in a wall to show your family who's boss. Or think you can demand their love and respect. And it's not OK to look the other way and say it's not our problem. Because it is our problem. And it's not OK. Ever. But it is OK to ask for help. * (SPARSE, MELANCHOLY MUSIC) (SCOFFS) Are you trying to get me drunk? (LAUGHS) Half of them are for me. Really? Ohh! Gosh. Yeah. It's an acquired taste. Where is this going? -Where's what going? -Well, this thing we have. Have you told your parents about me? No. Listen, Alex, I think it might be a good idea if we end this before... before either one of us get hurt. OK. (INHALES, THEN EXHALES) -Let's go. -Where? To introduce you to my parents. But...but, wait, won't they go nuts? If that's all they do, I'll be happy. Oh, God, I can't believe we're doing this. Hey, hey, let's not think, let's just do. (GIGGLES) (ENGINE REVS POWERFULLY) -Eve's meeting Mum and Dad. -I'm meeting his mum and dad. -Holy shit! -Holy war. So, Alex has been going out with Eve for, what, five minutes, and he's introducing her to his parents? Mmm. You've been with me for five months. Why haven't you introduced me to yours? (DOG YAPS) Mum? Dad? Anyone home? Jeez, your house is cleaner than my parents' house. I didn't think that was possible. Well, my mum's having an affair with bleach. -Ooh, this is lovely. -Oh, no, no, no. -Oh! Ugh! -Ugh! Oh. Ohhh. (SPEAKS GREEK) You using my house as a bordello? No. No, no, no, no, no. This is... -EVE: No, it's... -(FABRIC TEARS) -Oh. Gee. (CLEARS THROAT) -This is Eve. She's a, uh...a work colleague. Bullshit. You're having sex on the couch. Is that why you have plastic covers on the couch, Yiayia? (SPEAKS GREEK) -Are you Greek? -No. I'm Le-Le... -Lesbian? -No. -I'm Leb... -..thuanian. -She's from Lithuania. -Oh, where is Lithuania? South America, banana. -Stav, let's go. Come on. -No way. I want to learn more about Lithuania. DAD: Hey, girl, maybe you have a friend for my stupid. Oh, what type are you looking for? Oh, just female with a pulse. (CHUCKLES) Well, I've got a good friend, Sue Lin. Oh, bu-bu-bu-but...Asian? (SPEAKS GREEK) They're like the ants. They're everywhere. OK, I've got the perfect girl for Alex. She's Australian. Bu-but...Australian? They're full of tattoos, they drink, they smoke. (BOTH SPEAK GREEK) And they no cook. Maybe a meat pie in a microwave oven and a sausage roll. MUM: Don't listen to my husband. As long as she a good girl, we don't care what she is. Yeah, I'm just joking, love. STAVROS: What if she's a... Lebanese Muslim? (DAD SHOUTS ANGRILY IN GREEK) Why? What's wrong with a Lebanese Muslim? -They're terrorists, Alex. -They're suicide bombers. -Osama bin Laden. -Saddam Hussein. -Fidel Castro. -He's Cuban! -The same thing. -That's offensive, Dad! -Why? -I'm seeing a Lebanese Muslim! -Seeing a Lebanese Muslim?! -Yes! And it's Eve. She's not Lithuanian. She's Lebanese Muslim. And we're moving in together. -(MUM CHOKES) -(DAD GASPS) (SPLUTTERS) (WOMAN SCREAMS) (DAD SPEAKS GREEK) You happy now? -That went well. -Better than I expected. -Really? -Not really. Yeah, I was being sarcastic too. CLAIRE: He asked you to move in with him? Hear that? Yeah, that's commitment. -What about his parents? -We had to call an ambulance. You hear that? That's what commitment does. (SCOFFS) Hear this - if you want a piece of this again, you know what to do. This is all Alex's fault. Who am I kidding? This is never gonna work. CLAIRE: Yes, it can. EVE: Have you forgotten about Greg? Oh, come on, you can't compare Alex to that arsehole. (SIGHS) Maybe Mum's right. Maybe... ..maybe Mohomad is the right person for me. Are you serious? You're not interested in him and you said that as soon as you got back from Lebanon. 'Cause I'm an idiot. I mean, what is marriage? Marriage is just an arrangement between two people to procreate. Love... Love is just a gimmick which we all fall for, which does nothing but create a lifetime of angst and heartache. You don't believe that, and you know it. Well, if Alex's parents reacted like this, I can't imagine how my parents are gonna react. Well... ..there's only one way to find out. (EXHALES HEAVILY) Eve, where have you been? You have responsibilities. SALWA: Look, we worried sick for you. Where you been? Mohomad been Skippy all night. What I supposed to say to him? You finished with the dirty Greek? He asked me to move in with him. (SALWA ULULATES DESPAIRINGLY) -(DOGS YAP) -(CAR ALARM SHRIEKS) (ANGRY SHOUTING) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Not a good idea right now. -Is Mum alright? -Mum's fine. It's Dad you should be worried about. I haven't seen him this angry since the time he forgot to put his Lotto tickets in and four of his numbers came up. You bring home a Muslim? What the hell were you thinking of, vlakas? (ANGRY SHOUTING CONTINUES) (ALEX'S MUM SCREAMS HYSTERICALLY) (BREATHES DEEPLY) -(BANGS ON WINDOW) -(GASPS) Uh-uh. (CAR UNLOCKS AND BEEPS) You Alex? Uh-huh. You keep messing with my sister, you're gonna need life insurance, man. (PANTS SOFTLY) (CAR LOCKS AND BEEPS) I thought you were in jail. (LAWNMOWER MOTOR CLATTERS) (MUM SPEAKS GREEK) -Thanks. -(MUM LAUGHS) Are you alright, Mum? I fine. You no worry about me. Gonna take much more than your aunty's dolmades to kill me. Eh? (BASSAM SPEAKS ARABIC) It's true? It's true? Is what true? Your daughter is marrying a non-Muslim. Who tell you this? (GASPS) SALWA: It's bullshit. This man, he works with Eve. I swear on my dead mother's grave, she will marry a Muslim. MarHaban, Mustafa, Ibrahim. (FORLORN MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC) (TRAY CLATTERS) STAVROS: Dad wants to speak to you. (PRIEST SPEAKS GREEK) GEORGE: Uncle Alex, you're in trouble. The Lebanese are nice, then you marry and good luck. Say goodbye to the house I buy for you. -I don't want the house. -Listen, I buy you a car. I pay for you to go to the Greek islands for holiday. But don't worry about getting married, OK? Dad, I don't want a car. I don't want to go to the Greek islands. -Then you not my son! -You don't care about religion. You only go to church 'cause Mum drags you and then you come home screaming you don't like anyone because they're all hypocrites. No, no. You say it yourself. One minute you're praying to God, the next you're scamming compo out of the government. No-one's listening to the priest 'cause you're too busy gossiping about each other. Why can't you be like the other boys at church? They go there to pick up. If only you did, we wouldn't be in this mess! I'm not in a mess. You know the history between Greeks and the Muslim mana? Dad, we live in Australia. That has nothing to do with us. Oh, you want him to marry a Lebanese, eh? For 400 years, the Muslim mana occupied the Greeks. They let the women live but they killed the men to get rid of the Greek Orthodox. But we fought for our independence. If you marry this Muslim mana, you undermine 400 years of suffering. The Greeks, what they did for their people, the religion, for the culture, to keep it alive. OK, she's a nice girl, but this is bigger than love. If you don't leave her, you lose your home, your family, everything! (DOG BARKS OUTSIDE) * -Mmm. -Hmm. I remember the first game I took you to see. Look at you. So happy. Your mother... Huh, not so happy. Hmm. (SPEAKS ARABIC) What do you think? You're going to get along with each other? (SPEAKS ARABIC) You know, when we come to this country, we chose not to be like other Lebanese family. We encouraged you to fit in, mix with everyone. I thought we were doing the right thing, but now I don't know. Maybe if we were harder on you, this not happen. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I love him, Dad. -Love him? -Mmm. He's a really good person. Good person? I love him. (SOBS) (EVE WEEPS) I want to meet Alex and his family, OK? Invite them over. SALWA: Bassam? (SPEAKS ARABIC) Salwa... (SPEAKS ARABIC) ALEX'S MOTHER: Eva seemed nice. Everybody seem nice in the beginning. Alex is not stupid, huh? If he like her, she must be good. What do you want me to do? Open the door and say... (SPEAKS GREEK) (SCOFFS) You want them to get married? Eh? Will you be happy for your son to become Muslim? Hmm? She's the Muslim, he's the Orthodox. It don't work that way, love. We make it work that way. And the grandchildren? You happy for them to become Muslim, huh? (SIGHS) Not if it's a boy. (SPEAKS GREEK) Can't be circumcised. Don't worry, Alex will see that Orthodox and Muslim is like oil and water. We've been invited to Eve's parents' house. (TEACUP CLATTERS) ALEX'S DAD: Why do we have to go to their house? I hate Bankstown. It's like going to Lebanon. Dad, I don't want to hear any of your Muslim rubbish this arvo. If they say anything about the Greeks, I'll tell them what we Australians think of the Muslim mana, OK? SALWA: Bloody Greek, always late. Dad, can you tell Mum no insulting comments about Greeks? If the greedy Greek talk rubbish, I tell the truth. (SIGHS) -Wait! -Dad, what are you doing? A lot of drive-by shootings here. We gotta be careful. (MUM SCOFFS) (DAD MUTTERS) (DANCE MUSIC POUNDS ON NEARBY CAR STEREO) Hello, Mr and Mrs Karrastopoulos. Come in. Oh, Dad, Dad, Dad. Shoes. (SPEAKS GREEK) EVE: It's OK, Alex. (BOTH SPEAK GREEK) (DAD MUTTERS) (DAD CLEARS THROAT) Lucky I come prepared, eh? -(LAUGHS) -(CHUCKLES) EVE: Uh, Mum, Dad, meet Alex. Mr and Mrs Karrastopoulos, meet my parents, Salwa and Bassam El Masri. Keefak. Er, my wife make some Greek baklava for you. Mmm. Must be the best. I make Lebanese baklawa. (SPEAKS ARABIC) -(SPEAKS ARABIC) -(SPEAKS GREEK) (SIGHS) EVE: Can I get you something to drink? Ah, bring ouzo. Oh, we no keep alcohol in the house, sorry. Oh. -(SPEAKS GREEK) -Uh, they'll have tea. (ALL SPEAK AT ONCE) (CHUCKLES) (MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY ON STEREO) -Uh, Lebanese music? -Yes. Hear the bouzouki? What? I just mean it's the same as the Greek music. We're a lot more similar than we think. YIORGOS AND SALWA: Don't be stupid! -(SIGHS) -Hmm. Greek basketball team do very well in European Cup, huh? We have the Greek gods that look after us. (CHUCKLES) SALWA: Don't talk about your god. There is only one Allah. Mum, Mr Karrastopoulos can talk about the Greek gods if he likes. (SNIFFS) So, what do you think about... (GAGS AND SPITS) Yiorgos! Yiorgos! (SPEAKS GREEK) Love, bring me one of your fresh baklava, please. (SPEAKS ARABIC) -(WHISPERS) Mum. -(HISSES SOFTLY) (CHUCKLES DELIGHTEDLY) BASSAM: So, what do you think about what has happened? No offence, I think you very nice people, but, um, I just don't want my boy with a Muslim mana. SALWA: I no want my daughter to be with a greedy Greek whose mother does everything for him. -(SPEAKS GREEK) -Please, no insults. Why don't we ask Alex and Eve? Um, where would you live? We'll find something to rent. YIORGOS AND SALWA: Rent money is dead money. Eh...when will you get married? Where will you get married? We haven't talked about all that stuff yet. You must! I will not let my daughter marry in church. YIORGOS: I will not let my son marry in mosque. (CHUCKLES) Stupid Greek. No-one marries in mosque. -Maybe we never get married. -That is worse. Are you going to have children? Maybe...eventually. SALWA: What religion will they be? Orthodox! SALWA: I will not let my grandchild be drowned in steamy hot water. I will not let my grandchild wear a stupid handkerchief around their neck! -You stupid man, Mr Skatopolis! -(SHOUTS IN GREEK) -It's Karrastopoulos! -Dad... -Very arrogant, Skatopolis! -Dad! I think you could control your wife, you bloody Lebanese with your Cronulla riots! You Greeks, you go on the pension from when you teenager! You Lebanese, you ruin our country! You love your money! Everything about the money! (ALL SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER) Hello! Hello. MarHaban. -ALEX: Enough! -MOHOMAD: MarHaban. Mohomad. (CLEARS THROAT) -Ahlan. -Ahlan. You come just in time. (CHUCKLES) -What? -Who are you? Eve's fiance. (ALEX'S MUM GASPS) (ALEX'S MUM SPEAKS GREEK) You're engaged? -No. -Yes. -No! -Yes! YIORGOS: Yes! Beautiful! (LAUGHS) Beautiful. (SPEAKS GREEK) Very nice to meet you. You have beautiful home. And lovely, lovely daughter. (SPEAKS GREEK) Congratulations for marrying Eve. -Beautiful girl. OK. -Thank you. -Alex, wait. -Alex can't wait. -Why? -We've got to go and... YIORGOS: We've got to go home for Greek 'X Factor'. 'Bye, Mr Skatopolis! -EVE: Alex! -Very nice to meet you! (SIGHS) (WHIMPERS) (SOBS) (WEEPS) Are you alright, habibi? Leave me alone, Mum. Believe me, this is the best thing to happen to you. I know it's hard. I know. But you will forget Alex. (WEEPS) You will forget him. You will. OK. (EVE SOBS) Hey. Hey! (SPEAKS GREEK) Here. Wake up. Put this over there. -(SHOUTS IN GREEK) -(DOG BARKS) What?! (CONTINUES SPEAKING ANGRILY IN GREEK) That's it. Slowly, slowly. Take it easy. Relax. No rush. (GRUNTS) -Hi. -(GROANS) Help. EVE: Yeah. Yeah, I got it. -(GRUNTS) -Alex. Alex... -Hi. -Ah! Sorry. -Alex! -Good luck. EVE: Wait! (SHOWERS RUN) Alex! Alex, I'm so sorry about what happened. I'm sorry about everything. (SIGHS SOFTLY) That's OK. He seemed like a nice guy. That's what he said about you. Maybe you two should get married. Wouldn't work. He's Muslim. (CHUCKLES) Mmm. (EVE MOANS) -Mmm! -MAN: Hey! Get a room, guys. (LAID-BACK GREEK FOLK MUSIC) Ana Bahebak'. What was that? Nothing. Ow! I think the handbrake's in my leg. (BOTH CHUCKLE) We're so sophisticated, huh? Two 30-year-olds making out in a car. (BOTH MOAN) EVE: Ohhh! Oh, it's so smooth! -You like it? -Yeah! EVE: Oh. Oh, God. The hand brake's stuck in my leg. -ALEX: You right? -Yeah. (BOTH MOAN) (HORN BEEPS) (HORN BEEPS) (EVE SIGHS) (STARTS ENGINE) Ohh. * (MELANCHOLY BLUES PIANO MUSIC) (MELANCHOLY BLUES PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES) SONG: # Saw you turning down that dead-end street # Cold grey pavement under your feet # Dream that I could be in all your dreams... # It's not a big thing. # But I'll just send my love # If you're alone on a crowded train # Rattling home from another day and switch off your brain # And I'll just send my love # Then from a distance I'll appreciate # All your victories and defeats # And I'll tell my aching soul to wait # Until the day you come back to me # And if I stumble across your path # Maybe I'm blind, maybe in the dark # I will offer you my weary heart # But I'll just send my love # So I'll count my blessings and say my prayers # For all that's beautiful and true # 'Cause I've seen angels on the town hall stairs # But they can't hold a candle to you # So if you wander down a dead-end street # Gone astray from the path you seek # Maybe one day you and I will meet # And I will send my love # And I will send my love. # (SIGHS SOFTLY) Sarah, is it just me or is there trouble in gangsta's paradise? Well, his parents found out and told him to end it 'cause I'm an Aussie. And all Aussies do is just smoke, go to the pub, and act like a 'sharamouta'. -What's a 'sharamouta'? -A slut. Chris, did this happen? No, bro. No-one tells me what to do. Why don't you tell him the truth, loser? The truth is I met those two hot chicks from Canterbury Girls. ALEX: Come on, bro. What's the truth? Chris dumped her. Chris, why don't you stand up to them? They promised to buy me a car if I broke up with her. -And you took the bait? -A BMW? So every time you do something that your parents don't like, you'll just let them blackmail you? -You don't understand, man. -MANDY: You're a pussy, Chris. You've got to stand up and fight for me if you want me. (KNOCK AT DOOR) Can I come in? Stav, I honestly don't have the energy to deal with your crap right now. Listen, listen. I just came here to tell my little brother I'm proud of him. I would never have had the guts to do what you did. You followed your heart. It takes courage. Yeah. But, you know, I guess Dad was right all along. Cross-religious relationships just don't work. There's too many obstacles. Whereas you and Stella, you know, it's like clockwork. Stella's leaving me. We've been, um... ..we've been going through the motions for a long time, ever since before Yiorgos was born. Stella's had enough. She wants more. -Give her more. -I can't. I'm not in love with her anymore. Truth is... I don't think I ever was. So why did you marry her? I don't know. I was hitting my 30s, Stella seemed nice, she had a secure job, Greek. Her parents loved me. Mum and Dad loved her. The parents got along so well they bloody went on day trips together. -(CHUCKLES) -It just... ..seemed like the right thing to do. (SIGHS) (PENSIVE MUSIC) Ohhh... SALWA: Eva! (SPEAKS ARABIC) Yay! WOMAN: Anna... (SPEAKS ARABIC) -Oh, Aunty! -I bought this for you. What are you doing? You can't afford this. Just tell everyone I bought it for you. Are you sure you want people knowing that you bought that? SALWA: OK, we running late. Go get changed. Shall we go? (WOMEN CHATTER EXCITEDLY IN ARABIC) How was it meeting Paul's parents? Yeah, no-one was rushed to hospital. (BOTH CHUCKLE) You know I disapprove of this wedding, right? You've made that expensive crystal clear. But I love you and I'll support you, no matter what. Mwah. It gives me great pleasure to announce the award for the most improved student academically. Chris, come on up. (STUDENTS CHEER) ALEX: Well done, buddy. -Very deserved, mate. -Thank you. (REFLECTIVE MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC) You ready, sis? You alright? * RIMA: Where's the lawyer chick? Uh, she had something else on. You guys looked really good together. Hey, Rima... ..what does Ana Bahebak' mean? I can't tell you, sir. -Why? -Is it rude? Just tell him. I want a laugh. It means 'I love you'. I can't believe I just told sir 'I love you'. CHRIS: Go for it, bro. MANDY: Go for it, sir. Go on. SARAH: She loves you for sure, sir. Go for it, sir. (UPBEAT ARABIC MUSIC) Get a root, bro. (MUSIC CONTINUES) Full been seeing my sister, eh? -What? No. -Don't fool with me, man. SARAH: Sir, you left without your present! -My God! Her brother full found out! -That good or bad? -Bad. Call an ambulance. You love my sister? -Look, man, I just... -Hey, answer my questions, man! Then go and tell her before she gets married, you dumb klutz. If you break her heart, I'll kill ya. CHRIS: Go get a root, bro. I mean a hug. (UPBEAT GREEK FOLK MUSIC) (TYRES SCREECH) Alright, what's the emergency? Come with me. What do you mean? I'm already late for the wedding. What's the matter, paidi mou? Hey, do you want me to be happy? -Of course we do. -Yes, paidi mou. -Then get in my car. -To go to the Muslim mana? -Are you crazy?! -Yeah, are you crazy? -Is that your idea of back-up? -You said it was over. It is. But I love her. Do I have to say again what will happen? ALEX: Dad, if you love me and you really want me to be happy, you'll get in that car! -Bah! -I'll go with you. -(SPEAKS GREEK) -MUM: Yiorgos. -I am going, you coming too. -(SPEAKS GREEK) Yiorgos, you put your pride before your son! (SPEAKS GREEK) 36 years of marriage. I cook for you, I clean after you! I wash your stinking underwear! I never ask nothing for you! Now I ask one thing! You come now or you regret it! (PANTS) (SHOUTS IN GREEK) (SHOUTS IN GREEK) (LIVELY GREEK FOLK MUSIC) (ALL CONTINUE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) (SCREAMS) (GREEK FOLK MUSIC CONTINUES) -PAUL: Go straight. -(YIORGOS SPEAKS IN GREEK) (GUESTS CHEER) (SHOUTS IN GREEK) I bet they're Asian. -The Chinese ruin our country. -Last week it was the Arabs. At least you're not prejudiced about who you're prejudiced to. The Chinese, they come here and live off the government! -(TRAFFIC LIGHT PINGS) -Go back to China! -Hey, George! -Hey! (SPEAKS GREEK) -Where you going? -My son... He wants to go to Muslim mana! Hey, Alexandre... (SPEAKS GREEK) Yeah, I know. I tell him. He no listen. (SALWA CALLS IN ARABIC) (GUESTS WHOOP) (SALWA CALLS IN ARABIC) (GUESTS WHOOP) (SALWA CALLS IN ARABIC) (GUESTS WHOOP) (SALWA CALLS IN ARABIC) (PERCUSSION POUNDS, GUESTS ULULATE) Stop screaming! Your son's trying to drive! -No, we go straight! Come on, Paul! I live here 40 years! I know better than you. Will you provide for your wife? Will you look after your husband? IMAM: Will you look after the house? (BASSAM SPEAKS ARABIC) (TYRES SCREECH) Marriage requires respect, honesty and trust. Without this, marriage cannot survive. Are you entering this marriage free of coercion? MOHOMAD: Yes. ALEX: Wait! Wait! (GUESTS CLAMOUR) Apologies for the interruption. What are you doing here? -I invited him. -SALWA: Call the police! -(SPEAKS GREEK) -Take your son. Get out of here. -I take my son and the baklava. -The baklawa stay here. -Baklava come from Greece. -It come from Lebanon. -Guys... -We invented it! SALWA: You Greeks think you invent everything! -And we did! -ALEX: Guys! -What's going on? -ALEX: Guys, seriously. -Please, just let me speak. -Let him speak! I thought you were an honourable woman. I do everything to make you happy. This how you repay me? By shaming me? SALWA: Allah! Get out now! Please, guys, let me speak. -Let him speak. -No way. (SHOUTS) Let him speak! Thank you, Mr El Masri. I've prepared this speech a thousand times over the last couple of months about how we should rid ourselves of prejudices and embrace each other and all that stuff, but... ..it's as simple as this. Eve, I Ana Bahebak' you. (SIGHS) -SALWA: Allah! -(YIORGOS SPEAKS GREEK) I can't, Alex. (GASPS SOFTLY) Ahh. What did I say? Hmm. They marry their kind, we marry our kind. -You smart man, Mr Skatopolis. -It's Karrastopoulos! Skatopolis, bottomless - same thing. YIORGOS: Let's go. IMAM: Are you entering this marriage free of coercion? (WHISPERS) Yes. IMAM: Are you entering this marriage free of coercion? MOHOMAD: Yes. (GULPS) Yes. Are you entering this marriage free of coercion? Yes. (WHIMPERS) I'm so sorry, Mohomad. (CRIES OUT) Alex! No! -No, no. -(GUESTS CLAMOUR) SALWA: No! No, no! Eva! No, Eva. Eva, no! (MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (PANTS) (LAUGHS) Se agapo, Alex. Ana Bahebak', Eve. (LAUGHS) We really need to work on your Arabic. (LIVELY BOUZOUKI MUSIC) (WOMAN SINGS IN GREEK) (MIDDLE EASTERN PERCUSSION AND STRINGS JOIN IN) (WOMAN SINGS MIDDLE EASTERN MELODY) (LIVELY BOUZOUKI RIFF) (POP ROCK SONG INTRO) SONG: # If I'm an island # You are my rock # If you're the hands of time # I am your clock # If I'm a movie # You are the star # If you're a band # Play me, I'm your guitar # Thought that I was fine # Till you blew my mind # I was looking for love in all the wrong places # Looking for love in all the wrong places # Looking for love # Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh # Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh # Now I heard stories # About love and stuff # I thought it was crap # Now I can't get enough # If we're together # Bring it on, come what may # And if I die for you # That's the price I will pay # 'Cause I just don't care # As long as you're there # I was looking for love in all the wrong places # Looking for love in all the wrong places # Looking for love # Looking for love in all the wrong places # Looking for love in all the wrong faces # Looking for love # Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh # Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh # Why can't love be three kinds of simple? # You and me, our hearts entwined # Everyone saying we couldn't be together # They didn't tell our hearts # They won't change our minds # I was looking for love in all the wrong places # Looking for, looking for # Looking for love in all the wrong faces # Looking for love # Looking for love where love shouldn't be # Looking for love # But love found me