THE CAVEMEN'S 'JUVENILE DELINQUENT' I'm Rose's dad. Free drinks for everyone! CHEERING Where the hell did the kids get alcohol from? I'm so sorry. You're using me for sex. Got a problem with that? Let's be man free. OK. She would kill me if she found out that I... You know what, Cara? You're a bad mother. SHERPA'S 'BZZY' MUSIC CONTINUES Shit! What are you doing?! Soz. Wrong room. # Put your hands in the air. Shake your derriere. # Juvenile bloody delinquent. Go away! Sorry? No, I didn't mean you. Who, then? Rose. She's such a creep. Dave, I just got a` I mean, why is she even allowed to come here? Dave, are you listening? I mean, she and Jas, they nick my alcohol, they trash your house, and they're grounded for, what, like, two weeks? It was a month, and they've done their time. So she's back? She's Jasmine's friend, and we've got something more important to worry about. She is bad news. Dave, Stewie's coming. Stewie just called. He's on his way to Auckland. What for? He wants to talk to me about something. Did you say Dad's coming? Ew. Put some clothes on. Yeah, I'm trying. Is Dad here? He's on his way. Tell me he is not bringing his ho-bag girlfriend. Is this the one you told me about? Mandy. Ugh, no. She's mean. Can we please discuss this when I've got some clothes on? Come on, kids, off you go. Let's give Dave a bit of privacy. Here's what we do. We tell him he's not allowed in the house. But it's half his house. Shit. What if he wants his money out? Why would he? He's loaded. Cause he's a prick. And he hates me, cos I punched him. I can't afford to buy him out. What if we have to move? The way house prices are in Auckland... Or we could be worrying for nothing. I mean, maybe he just wants to visit his kids. Look, whatever he wants, he can't have it, cos we will say no. We can do that. You and me, babe ` Stewie's no match. Perhaps he wants his money out of the house. That's what I said. Do you think so? Well, you've been very lucky so far. You only have to look at Phillip and me to see how quickly things turn ugly. Oh! Crap! Argh-ah-ah! Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. It slipped. No, that's OK. Do you want some ice? I think there's some arnica in here. No, no, I-I-I-I'm fine. Really. It's fine. CELL PHONE BEEPS (GROANS) Aw. Good news? Um, oh, it's just a thing ` a thing I have to do. I should... go and do it now. Well, you` you go. Yeah, Julia can help me out with this. Are you sure? Mm-hm. Probably safer. Um, OK. Sorry guys. Bye. Bye. Have you noticed she's been acting very strangely lately? Quite odd. I can't stop thinking about you. Neither. Julia was there when you texted before. Oh. Sorry. She seems good, actually. Good. She said she's sworn off men. (GROANS) God. I feel so guilty. I just... If you don't feel like it, I understand. We could just... talk. (LAUGHS) Shut up. Oh! (LAUGHS) SHERPA'S 'LOVE FILM' Azza! Get your arse into gear. Hey, Betty. His arse is all yours. OK. Laters. You guys are back together? She's using me ` for sex. Sweet. I asked her to stay for coffee. She said nah. Mm. I used to think it would be cool being a sex object. I wanted to be taken advantage of. Now... I just want my girlfriend back. She'll be back when the baby comes. What if the old guy makes a move on her? Mate, Betty is not going to go there. Chicks want guys who can keep up with them. But you're out of coffee. What if Betty had said yes? I would've suggested going to a cafe. Which she would've had to pay for. I don't get my benefit until Thursday. Want a beer? You haven't got any beer. Go to a pub? We'll go to my pub, and you can work a shift. Why? You wanna earn some coin? Oi! But we're not short-staffed. It's a favour. Oh, so he's working for free? I mean we're doing him a favour. Why? Because he's broke and the mother of his child-to-be is living with some rich old guy. There you go. You pay for any breakages. Azza's not completely useless. CRASH! Bugger. Urgh. I'll get you some new ones. (KNOCKS ON DOOR) Knock-knock. Hey. I sent Abby up to get Rose. They have been on best behaviour, the girls. Yeah, I thought they would be. It was really out of character for Rose. Didn't realise this was where you worked. Uh, not really. Just couldn't keep up with the` with the home visits, so... Cosy. Unfortunately my mother-in-law will want her place back. She's away at the moment, doing her big OE. This is Dave's mum? Uh, no. My first husband's. It's, um` It's complicated. (CHUCKLES) I used to think the older I got, the simpler things would be. Oh, yeah, I wish. Well, this is good. But Rosabee Skin and Body's better. Yeah, when you can get it. My supplier ran out. You should buy directly from the manufacturer. It's my company. Really? Rose and Abby ` Rosabee. Well, it seems fair. They were the reason I started it. Well, I` I love your product. Well, you give Debbie a call, and you'll never be out of stock again. Thank you. Can they stay for dinner, Mum? Oh, I, um... Please? We should get going, eh, sweet pea. But Mummy's working late, and you make yuck food. (CHUCKLES) Charming. Ha. Hey, look, um, it's no trouble, you know, if you guys wanna... Yay! It's not a problem, if you don't mind sausages on the barbecue. White bread and tomato sauce? Well, yeah. We're in. So, this old dude,... Michael. ...he's, like, her boss? Her boss. Why are you doing that? What? Michael. And boss. He feels threatened. Nah. Cos he's old, right, Dave? Right. And chicks don't go for older dudes. Not in my experience. Oh, your experience of... one? How is the happy family, anyway? Well, Cara's D-bag ex is coming back. And Logan's had nits again. Scarlett needed help with her homework last night, and it was too hard for me. (YAWNS) And Jasmine's friend Rose keeps coming on to me. Oh, yeah? She's 15. Ooh, nope. What we were saying about chicks not going for older guys? I'm not an older guy. Plus, Dave's got looks, and he owns his own bar. What's Michael got? Money? Life experience? More importantly, he's got Betty. They're just winding you up, mate. And, Az,... where it counts, old guys have got nothing on us. BOTH LAUGH Cheers. Do you want me to burn a few snags? If you don't mind, yeah. Sure. So, your ex-mother-in-law,... Marion. ...when she returns, what are your plans for the spa? I'm not sure. Panic. (CHUCKLES) Well, once upon a time, I was going to expand the spa ` kind of a beauty and health, one-stop shop, but, uh... But? There was a fire, and my business partner forgot to pay the insurance. So now we're back to square one in a granny flat. Have you tried raising capital for your one-stop shop? (CHUCKLES) Bit over my head. Well, tell me what you want. I might be able to help make it happen. Hang on. Are you serious? I've done pretty well following my gut instinct. And my guts are telling me that you could be a good person to be in business with. So, let's just` let's just talk, see where it takes us. OK. (LAUGHS) Shit. OK, be calm. She doesn't know. Calm. CELL PHONE RINGS What?! Hey, it's me. Hey. What's up? Do you want to come over? There's someone I want you to meet. Shit, yeah. I'm on my way. OK, great. See` Oh. She's on her way. CAR HORN HONKS DANCE ROCK MUSIC Um, my ex ` over from Queensland. Wasn't expecting him till tomorrow. Do you wanna do dinner another time? No, no no. He won't stay for long. Things aren't the best between us. MUSIC CONTINUES You keep growing, we're gonna have to put bricks on your head, mate. Hey, Caz. Stewie, hi. Hi. You must be Mandy. Pip. This is Pip. Mandy's dust. She's long gone. Oh, I'm sorry. It's OK. Stewie really needs to work on his communication skills. We're getting there, eh. Getting there. Pleased to meet you, Cara. Oh, hi. Hi. And you, Logan. Gidday. Hey, man. Stewie. Eugene. Hi. Hey. Have you given the toy boy the flick, have ya? Good job. This one makes much more sense. Actually, Dave's at work. And Eugene is the dad of Jasmine's friend. Oh. (LAUGHS) Stewie. Oopsie. Can Dad stay for dinner? Ooh, I don't think we have enough sausages, honey. There's heaps! < JASMINE: (LAUGHS) Are you serious? < DOOR CLOSES OMG. Oh, my gosh. Look at you two. Scarlett and Jasmine, you are even more beautiful than your photos. Uh, Pippa. Yeah? Now, uh, this is Jasmine, and that's her friend Rose. Oh. Hi. And that is Scarlett. Oh. Hello. Hi. Well, come and give me a hug, my princesses. Where's Mandy? Oh, she's history. (SIGHS) Thank God. This one's much better. Thanks, Caz. We'd love to stay for tea. 1 CAR HORN BEEPS Oh. Julia, hi! I was sitting at home, working, and then I thought, sod it. A little treat ` help you girls christen the new premises. Who's that? Oh no. Cara said she wanted me to meet someone. Meet meet? But I'm not exactly on the market. I mean, I don't want` I mean need... We've sworn off men. Exactly. You know drinking's not the answer. What's the question again? What are you going to do about this Michael guy moving in on your girl? I'm still the guy she's rooting. Ha! Until the baby comes. And then sex is gonna be the last thing on her mind. Unless she decides it's just easier to chuck a leg over the old guy. Eh? Bullshit. That is not going to happen. It might. Nah, cos we're not gonna let it. You're right. Operation Get Betty Back. We can do this. We? You said, 'We're not going to let it.' Yeah, I kind of meant me and Az. CELL PHONE RINGS Hey, babe. Stewie's here. Stewie's there now? Eugene was here` Eugene's there? The one you massaged at school camp? What's that got to do with it? Invest in damaged stocks, not damaged companies, man. I could do with some moral support. I'll be right there. I gotta go. Because? Because he's got not one, but two older guys moving in on his woman. Because my woman needs moral support. No! You'll be all right. You've got Azza. LIGHT ROCK MUSIC Ah, there you are. If I'd known it'd been a barbecue, I would have bought a nice piece of eye fillet. I refuse to eat the floor sweepings Cara calls sausages. Thanks. And so much for a drink with the girls. Bloody Stewie. And what about this Eugene guy? The one she wants me to meet? Oh no. He's married. I already asked. So you're off the hook. So there I was, up the proverbial creek, Mandy hitting me up for half of everything, and then I finally realised I had to stop making the same mistakes over and over. I had to look at the common denominator, eh, babe? And do you guys know what that was? You always go with sluzzes? Jasmine! No, it's a fair call. GIRLS LAUGH The problem was me. Stewie had to do some work on himself. And that's where this amazing lady comes into the story. (CHUCKLES) He means I was his therapist. Are you even allowed to do that? I only saw him twice and then referred him to a colleague. Yeah. She fired me. So I could ask him out. She's got professional boundaries. (CHUCKLES) Hey. Hey, you made it. (CHUCKLES) Hi. Hey, man. You and me got some unfinished business. Now, come here. Come on. (CHUCKLES) My man. Come on, you big galah. Hug it out. Hug it out. Work is so fulfilling at the moment. It's, like, I've realised how much of my life I've wasted worrying about men, you know. Warren who? Phillip who? (CHUCKLES) So what about you? Me? Anything to report? I'm not stupid, Jen. What? The sneaking out, the shameful looks. So I know what's going on. I'm so sorry. You're seeing someone and keeping it secret, because you think I'm still vulnerable because of Phillip, but despite what I say, you don't have to be a nun just because I've sworn off men. That's really understanding. I know. So... who is he? Nobody. Just a random, really. So not the guy from the DVD store? Uh... So it's been going on a while, then? Not really. Well, you know, it's just... It's not anything. It's nothing. So it's just about the sex? That's it. Nothing but sex, sex, sex. BOTH CHUCKLE Hey. Hey. I've heard a lot about you from Rose. (CHUCKLES) She's always going on about Jasmine's super cool stepdad. Yeah. Yeah, well, she's, um` she's... she's very friendly. Thanks. Do we know what Stewie wants yet? He hasn't said. Yeah, well, I'm not buying this best buds thing. Whatever he's after... ...he's not getting it. I know. OK, attention, everyone! I've got a bit of an announcement. Yeah, I booked the tickets to come over here, and then I found out Mum was in bloody Canada, but, uh, it's all right. We'll skype her later. Uh, the thing I wanted to say is that, um,... Pip and I have decided to tie the knot. We're getting married. How long have you known each other? Three months. Yeah, but, you know, once you've found your one and only soulmate, why wait? Congratulations. (CHUCKLES) That's fantastic news. Thank you. Yeah. So, Caz, there's something I'm gonna be needing from you. You're not getting it. A divorce. You're gonna have to finally let me go. (CHUCKLES LIGHTLY) With pleasure. 1 So, wait, you would put the money up, and we would just do our thing? Well, it's a bit more complicated than that, but, yeah, that's the bottom line. I like your bottom line. (GIGGLES) I'll take care of the business side and let you do what you do best. Client care. Jen is very popular with our clients. Like Dylan, right? One minute it's, like, back, sack and crack, and nek minnit we have a mortgage together. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) But maybe we should set a time for a proper meeting, yeah? Did you marry a client? No, he was, like, my gusband. And then he married a bastard, and now they're in my house, and I'm still trying to get my money back. Anyway, we should go back upstairs, and I'll make you a coffee. OK. You know what? I still blame Dylan for the spa burning down. Jen. Well, if it hadn't have been for him, I wouldn't have been at the spa, and I wouldn't have left the candles going when I went for more wine, which I had to do because I was depressed, because they were trying to impregnate that bitch Bianca-Faye. But you didn't need to know all that, and I should probably go now. Bye. She really is very popular with our clients. I'm sure she is. She's gotta be better than Mandy. She needn't think she's gonna be our stepmum. No way. She's not a step anything. ABBY: Are not! LOGAN: Are so! I am so a real boy! Am not! Are so! Not! Hey, Logan, stop. I am so a real boy! What? She said that I'm just a toy, but I'm not. What's going on, Abby? Mummy and Daddy said that Logan's mum has a toy boy. Am not! Are so! Not! Logan is a real boy, and your mummy and daddy shouldn't gossip, because that's bullsh...ivers. Yeah. So there! I'm telling on you. Abby, what's wrong? They're being mean. Oh, no, Dave. You're a bad, bad man. Wrong. No. What's happening? It's OK, Dad. I think Abby's just tired. Oh. Well, let's get you home then, eh, princess. It's impossible being around Julia, having to lie. Do you wanna come over? Yes, please. JULIA: Jen! Are you leaving? Um, I'll get back to you with a suitable time. Thanks for calling. Too many vinos. Had to call a taxi. Oh, I'm driving. I've only had one. Come with me. What? Unless you're meeting your mystery man. No. Just tired. Oh, I know the feeling. What a circus in there ` all those children running around, and Stewie and Dave just taking up all that space. I'd better get these girls home. Sure, OK. Um, I'll see you soon. And what we talked about ` Mm-hm. I'll get a letter of agreement drawn up. I'm sorry? It's just a document to say that we've agreed to work together in good faith. We can nut the details out later. Is that a deal? Yes. (LAUGHS) Dave. Hey, Eugene's going into business with me and Jen. Really? That's... You ready, guys? Hey, um, thanks for manning the barbie. It was my pleasure. Bye. See ya. See ya, team. Hey, it's, uh, time we were making tracks too, guys. Yeah. It's been amazing to meet you all. Same. See you tomorrow for D-Day. Yeah. You know what this means for Cara, don't you? She'll be divorced? And you two can tie the knot. Make an honest woman of her. Oh, oh. Oh, this is a bit awkward, innit? Stewie, don't be a stirrer. Hey, look, I'm trying to be helpful. It's on the table. Oh, come on. Now it's up to you, sport. See you guys later. Yeah. (CLEARS THROAT) DOOR CLOSES > I'll just do a quick tidy-up and make sure the kids are in bed and` Great. Well, that's... Next time we throw a party, I'd like to know about it in advance. Tell me about it. (CHUCKLES) Still, it was pretty fantastic. Stewie wanting a divorce? No, Eugene wanting to go into business with us. Right. What's that about? Well, it makes sense. We're in similar fields. Yeah, but,... (SIGHS) look at his daughters. What about them? Well, Abby's a little cow, and Rose is scary. I don't know if they're a good influence on Jas and Logan. What? You ` all parenty. LAUGHS: Nah. IMITATES DAVE: 'Not a good influence.' You are. I like it. I like it. What Stewie said ` Mm-hm. you, um... you don't want to, do you? Divorce him? Get married. I mean, yeah... Oh my God, Dave. Is that a proposal? Eh? Just relax. Been there, done that. LAUGHS: Oh, right. OK, you don't have to look so relieved. (LAUGHS) Plans for today? Mm, working. And then... I dunno. Sex, sex, sex? Sorry? Like you said last night. Oh. Did I? Look, you don't have to sneak around. If you wanna bring your booty call here, I'm fine with it, just as long as you give me some advance warning so I'm not` Oh, he won't be coming here. He doesn't like, uh, elevators. He has a` a phobia. Elevatorphobia. I'm sure there's probably, like, a scientific, official term for it. Sweetie, are you OK? Mm? You're not getting caught up in something you don't really wanna get caught up in? No. No. I mean, if this guy's a weirdo... No, he` he's not. I just am extremely hungover. Right. Drinker's regret. Oh, what's to regret? Who cares? You were among friends last night. And Eugene. Mm. What? He wants to invest in the spa ` our spa, Temptation Spa. Wanted to. The silver fox riding to the rescue of the damsels in distress. We are not in distress. You're working from a granny flat. (CHUCKLES) I bet little Dave is shaking in his boots. A successful, attractive, grown-up man wanting to throw money at Cara. Except I'm scared I screwed it up. Oh, look, if this Eugene guy's gonna change his mind just cos you had a couple glasses of wine... Uh, bottle and a half. If he's gonna change his mind because of that, then let him. You don't wanna work with him anyway. He's obviously a dryballs. (SIGHS) Oh, don't forget, we're meeting Stewie and Pip later. The big divorce. Wouldn't miss it. Morning. Hi. Bye. So, how did last night end up? Good. Cool. I'm really sorry` Eugene's rea` OK, you go. I'm really sorry. I drank too much too quickly. Eugene's really keen to get into business with us. Oh my God. I know! Amazing! And is Dave OK with it all? Well, Eugene's good-looking, rich. And happily married. Dave's fine. He knows a good business deal when he sees one. Seriously, he's not a child. So, I've got the D-bag saying, 'Oh, you should marry Cara,' in front of her. Awkward. And D-bag number two wanting to go into business with her. Who's D-bag number two? Eugene ` smarmy git with two devil-children. KNOCK ON DOOR > Hello? > Huh? Good morning. Are we ready? Operation Get Betty Back, remember? Ogbb. I thought that was just piss-talk. I wasn't pissed. I was. Come on, you two. Move it! What are we even doing here? Scoping out the competition. This is dumb. Got a better idea? < DOOR CLOSES Shh. Get down. Is that him? < CAR ENGINE STARTS Yep. See? He's old. No competition, eh, Dave? Nice set of wheels, though. All right, let's go. WHISPERS: Keep your heads down. We just saw him drive off. What about Betty? We'll just say hi. That is not the point of a covert reconnaissance. Can't see anything. What's the point again? (SIGHS) That's a nice room. Guys. Guys. What? Come. She's a total nutbar. Yep. What's up? Here's your problem right here. What is it? A nursery. It's so goddamn beautiful, it's making my ovaries ache. Bullshit! Wait. Where are you going? To tell Betty I'm not letting my baby move in here. No, you can't. Why would she ever come home if she's got this? Look at me. Breathe. He's not the father of her baby. You are. And by the time we're finished, she's gonna be begging to come home, OK? Trust me. 1 Sorry I couldn't come over last night. Well, it can't be easy for you. I could come over at lunchtime. Great. Oh crap. What's wrong? My cleaning lady will be there. Oh, that's bad luck. Or I could come and see you? I'm working at the granny flat at Cara's. Although, she is out all day... Between 2 and 3? I'll be there. How you doing, Diane? (CHUCKLES) Oh, here he is. Better late than never. Hello. Hi. Hey. Cara's been telling us all about this new bloke in her life. Stewie. This Eugene guy. First rule of business ` if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Rosabee's very successful. Hey, I used to be that shark, out to make a buck. Didn't care who got hurt. I'm pretty sure Eugene's nothing like you, Stewie. Like I used to be, you mean ` before the love of a good woman. (CHUCKLES) Get your hand off it, Stewie. OK, we gonna do this? D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Easy as that. I don't know why we didn't do this years ago. Oh, it's probably something to do with your issues around control, babe. Oh. Can't get anything past this one, can I? That's why I love her. Done. Yes! Hey, why don't we go downtown and deliver this in person? You two should do that. Let us step-parents stay here, get to know each other, compare notes. Sounds a bit dangerous. Go on, go. I promise I won't tell any embarrassing secrets. Come on, then. OK. OK, bye. Good luck. OK. Got any weed? Shit, yeah. So what's with the older one ` the costumes? Scarlett. Mm. She's a LARPer ` live-action role play. Escaping reality through make-believe, mm. Do you always do that? Occupational hazard. Logan's very cute. Mm, he is a great kid. He must've been gutted when Stewie had to leave. Not really, considering he wasn't even born. Sorry? Well, you know, Cara was pregnant with him when Stewie gapped it. What? You know, how he ditched Cara and the girls and the baby, and ran off to Aussie, and Cara got depressed, so Marion had to... I'm guessing he didn't tell you. No. Shit. So, Dave, what else do I need to know? Hey, thanks for being so good about this, Caz. Oh, nothing to be good about. You're right, we should have done this years ago. I'm really sorry, you know. For what? For everything. You said that last time you were here. Yeah, and then I was a prick all over again, giving you and Dave grief. Pip's really nice. It hit me right between the eyes, Caz. I didn't even see it coming. Real true love. That's great, Stewie. I mean, no offence. Obviously you and I... Uh, yeah, I'm not offended. This is the real thing. It feels good, doesn't it. Look at us, eh? Both living happily ever after. You could say I did a good thing when I took off all those years a` Oh, don't push it. Nah. These are really cute. ELECTRONIC VOICE: F-U-C... Azza! Priorities. We need a cot, baby clothes, change table. Have you seen the cost of this shit? Have you got any savings? Nah. What about a loan? I'm not a good credit risk on account of not having a job. OK, let me think. PASSIONATE MOANING Shit. Are you expecting someone? Unless Cara had a client she hasn't told me about. KNOCK ON DOOR I'm coming! Eugene, hi. Hi. Just dropping off some samples... Great. ...and the letter of intent. Great. Is Cara busy? Um, she's not here. It's just me. Right. Where can I put these? I can give you a quick run-through while I'm here. Oh, I mean, it's just me and a` and a client. Ah, right. Well, I won't interrupt. Oh, what am I thinking? Come in. Um, put them down, um, just anywhere you like. Sorry, I'll get out of your way. No problem. Bye. Bye. Liam? Yeah? You're just a lowly dish kid, right? A real shit-kicker. Yeah. But you've got a baby. How do you afford all the stuff? What do you mean? Cots, prams, baby baths. Even on TradeMe, it's not cheap. Oh, Whitney's parents. They're loaded, eh. Interesting. What'd you do? Rob a baby store? No. I found a Christian. Hey. Just put it down anywhere. Liam's kindly donated all this stuff to ogbb. No shit. Yeah, Moses has pretty much outgrown it anyway. And maybe you could pay me back by babysitting sometime? I don't think that's a good` We'd totally love to. I'll just grab the rest. Hey, hey. Sorry we took so long. Done and dusted. I'll crack open the bubbles, eh, guys? You're no longer sleeping with a married man, babe. I'm no longer sleeping with anyone. Eh? I was sleeping with a lying shit, but not any more. Eh? Leaving Cara when she was pregnant, those little girls ` what kind of a man does something like that and then lies to his therapist about it? Well, I didn't lie, exactly. You told me that Cara kicked you out and won custody of the kids and it broke your heart. You didn't. Well, I might've lied about that bit. Yeah. What bit didn't you lie about, exactly? That's what I thought. Pippa, babe. Don't touch me. I can't even stand to look at you any more. Thanks a lot, Stretch. So, Pip and I had this really great talk. I still don't get it. Were you trying to break them up? I didn't know she didn't know. God, Dave. He is the one that lied to her, and he messed up your life. That doesn't mean I don't want him to be happy. God, sometimes you are so... So what? It doesn't matter. Go on, say it. You're being a bit naive. Don't you mean immature? Dave. CELL PHONE RINGS I have to get back to work. Shit. Eugene. Hi. I went to the spa earlier. Sorry I missed you. Jen was there ` with a client. OK. The thing is I, um... I think I may have interrupted something. LAUGHS: You're not serious? He might have been getting more bang for his bucks. No, no, Jen wouldn't do that. Look, I'm no prude, believe me, but... I told you my gut instinct was that you'd be good to work with. Well, that instinct is telling me that your partner's a liability. She's great with clients. She burnt down your spa. She didn't pay the insurance. She's my best friend. And sometimes in business that's a problem. You have to be hard-headed. I'm sorry, Jen has made some mistakes, but we're a partnership so... I'm gonna have to go away and have a bit of a think. Sure. SLOW ROCK MUSIC How's that? Azza, it's gorgeous. The way the light hits them, eh? Be totally cool if you were stoned. So, how long have you and Betty been together, anyway? I dunno. You don't know how long you've been together? It depends what you mean by together. Having a baby is pretty big. To tell you the truth, she used to be a bit of a cold-hearted bitch. Then she got knocked up, and now... she's still a bit cold and a bit of a bitch. But I love her. What? We should start cleaning the rest of the house. Seriously? I had to stand on your toilet to pee. It's really disgusting. Oh, yeah. I would never do that with a client. I know. But how could Eugene have got it so wrong? Well, maybe he jumped to conclusions because I was with a client who groans when I give him a massage. Who's that? Roger. His name's Roger. Maybe I can talk to Eugene and explain. That's probably not a good idea. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Sorry. Yeah, me too. I'll see ya. Bye. TOILET FLUSHES (SIGHS) So clean, you could eat off it. Good to know. It's what my mum used to say. So, does it mean, like, the three-second rule no longer applies? What? You know, you drop some food on the floor and pick it up within three seconds, it's OK to eat. But now I reckon I could leave it lying there, grab a beer, take a few calls, it'd still be sweet. (LAUGHS) You're funny. Speaking of food, shall we go get some dinner? We could order a pizza. Or we could go somewhere nice. My shout. Yeah, I should probably change this. I smell like shit. No, seriously. CELL PHONE RINGS I got it. Hello? Who's that? Xandra. Who's this? Betty. Do you wanna talk to Azza? No. Tell him I'm on my way over. Can I say what it's about? None of your business. OK, will do. Who was that? What? On the phone. Just someone selling you something you don't need. I'm starving, shall we go? Sure. Hope you're bloody satisfied, mate. Did she dump you? We're having some time apart. She's going down to Christchurch to see the rellies ` without me. Should've told her the truth. Why would I wanna do that? It makes me look like a right prick. You said it. Whisky ` double, no ice. For what it's worth,... I didn't mean to screw things up for you. Yeah, well, you did. Even though she's way too good for you, let me know if there's anything I can do to help. Hey, maybe you should worry about your own problems, mate. What problems? That horndog sniffing around. What's his name? Eugene. What about him? Oh, Dave, Dave. Sometimes I forget you're just a kid, mate. Yeah, I noticed it at the barbie, right away. That bloke is definitely out to penetrate your lady love. No. No way. Yeah, sure. My bad. He's, uh, good-looking, successful, he's round Cara's age, and he wants to give her a truckload of cash just to make her dreams come true. No way is she going to fall for that, eh (?) I know, right. Good morning, beautiful. Morning. Sorry for being so rude yesterday. I didn't mean it. Stewie came into the bar last night. Was that OK? I apologised for causing trouble between him and Pip. That's good. And what about us? Are we good? Yeah, we're fine. It's just everything else that's turned to crap. Like? Eugene pulled out of the deal. Oh no. That's a bummer. He doesn't like Jen, and I'm not going to cut her out, so... No, well, yeah, of course you're not. I mean, she's your best friend. Loyalty, right? Yeah. That's what I said to Eugene. And, hey, you've still got the spa. You've still got your dream. You can make it happen. You don't need that up-himself prat. I love you. I love you too. KITTENS OF THE INTERNET'S 'LIVING THE DREAM' # Forgotten what you're doing # when you wake up early morning. # Is today the day of dreams? # < KNOCK ON DOOR Nooooo. Hey. It might be important. (GROANS) Or not. We could... Mwah! Hi. Sorry, should've called. No, no, that's OK. Um... I just thought this was better face to face. Uh, look, it's fine if you don't` I'm a bit embarrassed about yesterday, to be honest. I must've sounded like a boring old fart. But I didn't get successful in business by being cautious, and I'm not about to start now. So if you still wanna do this... OK. That's great. There. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. (CHUCKLES) Dave. Eugene's decided to go ahead with it. We're in business! That's great. Well, you'd better read the rest of the terms first. No, no, I trust you. But I will anyway just to be on the safe side. # Oh, you're living the dream. # Oh, you're living a dream. # Oh, is it somebody's dream # that you're living? # Captions by Desney Shaw. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air. Copyright Able 2015