THE CAVEMEN'S 'JUVENILE DELINQUENT' (SINGS BADLY) Your ex-husband must be stoked. What does Phillip have to`? Apparently Phillip is seeing someone. Dave wants you to stay the hell away from his woman. OK? We need a babysitter. And boo! (YELLS) SMACK! (SCREAMS) SPLASH! (GASPS) We're having a baby. (COOS QUIETLY) What are you thinking? Huh? Do you hate me asking you that? No problem. Ask away. Well, I was thinking` I was thinking` I was thinking... I love you. (LAUGHS) No, you weren't. Yes. And how I want to be... your sex slave. Sorry? Anything you want. Your every wish is my command. Anything? Absolutely. (LAUGHS) OK, um,... (LAUGHS) I'm thinking. SEDUCTIVELY: Ooh yeah. Oh my God! A cup of tea. Seriously? Mm-hm. But first... (MOANS QUIETLY) PHONE RINGS (CHUCKLES) Don't answer it! Hey. No, I won't. It's your phone. Oh, yeah. No, no, I knew that. It's Azza. Yo, wassup? It's coming. What is? The baby. It's coming. Betty's pushing it out! (GROANS DESPERATELY) Sounds painful. (GROANS, SCREAMS) I reckon. She keeps punching me. Azza, get off the phone and get your dumb arse over here! (PANTS) Dude, better go, eh? Betty's having the baby. You mean she's in labour? Am I supposed to do anything? (EXHALES FORCEFULLY) Be supportive. Mm. Now? (LAUGHS) Hasn't anyone you know ever had a baby? Mandy Flemming in year 12. But it wasn't mine. I'd say this is a very special time for Azza and Betty. But you could go and visit a bit later, just to see if there's anything they need. You are so wise. Mm, aren't I? In the meantime, sex slave` Ooh! ...where were we? TENSE MUSIC Hi, Jen. Julia. Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. God, how did it get to be so late? What are you still doing up? More to the point, what are you doing? I just` Oh, of course. Your mystery lover. Got me. Anyway, early start, big day ` I better hit the hay. So, is it getting serious? WHISPERS: What? This man of yours? Maybe you should bring him home, introduce us. No, no, um,... we just broke up. Really? Why? Oh, it was only ever really a physical thing. Oh, that's right. You said, didn't you? All about the sex. Sex, sex, sex. Not any more! Night. It's like an alien ` like it's going to rip me apart. And jump out on my face? (CHUCKLES) Get away from him. He's my bitch, bitch! (LAUGHS) (GROANS) How much longer do you reckon it's gonna take? Well, the midwife said you're only 4cm, so, uh, a 12 hour labour's not unusual. (CHUCKLES) (EXHALES) Where are my drugs? She said I could have drugs! No shit. Can I have drugs too? We've already talked about our pain management plan. Manage this, dickwipe. (GROWLS) (GASPS) I'll` I'll get` I'll get the midwife. (GRUNTS, PANTS) (EXHALES) It's gonna be OK. (SIGHS) That's easy for you to say. Nah. Michael's not the only one who knows stuff. I watched some shit online about giving birth. Even though it hurts and it might get messy, at the end there'll be this actual little human being. So it is gonna be OK. OK? You actually watched a real live birth online? Uh-huh. What for? So I wouldn't be a crap dad. So, yeah, if you want me to remind you to breathe and rub your back and that, I can do it. Might be OK. (BREATHES RAGGEDLY) I even practiced on a real live baby. What baby? Liam's kid. He said I could borrow it, so I` What? Oh shit. SCREAMS: Oh shit! Don't go anywhere. Midwife's on her way. Take good care of her. Where's he going? (SCREAMS) Breathe. Would you like me to rub your back? I want Azza to do it! PHONE: This is Xandra. You know what to do. It's me. Azza. Where are you? I think we left it on its own. Liam's baby, I mean ` baby Moses. It's still in the house! Shit. ELEVATOR CHIMES ECHOES: Bloody bastard. Useless douchesack! Where are my drugs?! Breathe. Do not tell me how to breathe! I know how to breathe. I've been breathing all my life without any help from you, knoblord. What I need are drugs and my boyfriend! WHISPERS: Hi. I can come back. It's... QUIETLY: I think the pain of childbirth's making her more aggressive than usual. QUIETLY: Is that possible? I can bloody hear you, shit for brains. Hey, Betty. Do you know where Azza is? Isn't he here? Well, does it look like he's here, nut washer?! He was, then he just took off. Azza did? Obviously he couldn't handle the pressure. Can you find him for me, Dave? Please. I need him to be here. Please. Don't worry. I'll find him. Baby Moses! Baby Moses! (GROANS) Shit. Uh, where are you? Shit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. PHONE RINGS I'm in deep shit, Dave. Where are you? I've lost baby Moses. Say what? Uh, we` At our house and... (PANTS) we` we were practicing, me and Xandra, and I just wanted to show Betty` OK, OK. Calm down. Breathe. Stay there. I am on my way. Hugo. Uh, you're a bit late to do any actual work. Yeah, look` Nah, it's too late Dave. I'm not gonna fill in for you any more. The whole reason I sold this place was to make sure that I could take it easy. Have you seen Xandra? Oh, you mean the nurse that I pay a wage to look after me but she's been looking out for you? Do you even need a nurse any more? That is not the point. The point is have you seen her or not? Not. She texted me and told me she was suffering emotional trauma. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Is there a problem? Azza! You bastard! How could you do that to a baby?! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on, hang on, hang on. What do you know about baby Moses? Is he OK? I know this tard left him on his own! Sorry. You will be. Ooh, easy. Easy, boy. Easy. Where is baby Moses now? He's with Whitney. Yes, that's fantastic! Thank you, God. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You arsehole. SMACK! CRASH! Really hurt. But you probably deserved it. Yeah. I did. Totally. (CHUCKLES) Leaving a baby behind. You're bloody hopeless. That's me. BABY CRIES Like that time I said I'd feed that chick's cat cos I wanted to get in her pants, and the cat was shut in her house for a week. Crapped everywhere, nearly starved to death. Yeah, I remember. When you think about it, I'm quite a shit person. Nah. You've just made a few mistakes, like we all do. Ever let a cat starve? No. Or left a baby on its own? No. Didn't think so. Hey, this is your chance to step up. You're gonna be someone's dad. Poor little bastard. CAMERA SHUTTER SNAPS Whoa. It's already here. That's amazing. Hi, Dave. A perfectly healthy little boy. He's so... small and real. Did you find Azza? Yeah, he's right` He was right here. PENSIVE INDIE ROCK MUSIC INDIE ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PHONE RINGS Oh. Hello. DAVE: It's me. Hey, good morning. How did it all go? Yeah, good. Baby boy. Betty's doing OK? Yeah, fine. And what about Azza? He's, um... still kinda getting his head around it. I might hang with him a bit, eh? Sure, yeah. Y` You do whatever you need to do. Oh, Stewie. Eh? What about him? He and Pip are heading off today. You won't get to say goodbye. Right. Bummer (!) I'll try to come in to see Betty later. What for? Because that's what you do. Everyone loves a brand-new baby. Yeah, maybe. Are you sure everything's OK? Yeah, sure. Hey, look, I` I'd better go. I'll catch you later. OK. Bye. VIDEO GAME BLARES All good, bro? Yeah, all good. Grab a cold one. Do you think we should maybe go back to the hospital? Nah. When you think about it, being a dad ` it's not really for me. PHONE RINGS Dumb idea. You said it. Bloody hopeless. Except at this. At Trash-Truck Smashdown, I am the bomb. You're good, but you're not as good as me. Bullshit. Shove over. (GRUNTS) And prepare to be crushed. Dream on. Try not to cry too much. I think I'll be OK. Hey, um, take care. And be good to Pip. She's really lovely. Yeah, better than I deserve. And you be good to the lad. Logan? Dave. I like him. He's all right. Yeah? Ah, here they are ` my favourite girls. And me! And you. My favourite boy. I could never ever forget you. It's been wonderful getting to know you, Scarlett. Same. Mmm! Hey, and don't forget you can call me or Skype me any time you wanna talk, OK? OK. OK. Mwah. Can I come and stay with you? Mm, if it's OK with your mum. Well, that all depends on how well you behave and what your marks are like. That's like blackmail. That's right. It's exactly like blackmail. (CHUCKLES) Bye, Pip. Bye. BOTH: Mwah. Sorry about the dramatics. Hey. Comes with the territory. You're telling me. 'For better or worse.' What? Never mind. I don't wanna know. Remember, you don't know what you've got till it's gone. I'll bear that in mind. Mm-hm? Yeah. Right, shift that booty. We've got a plane to catch. See you guys later, when your legs are straighter. JASMINE LAUGHS > That was not funny at all. But I just got it. That's what they mean by dad jokes. ALL: Bye-bye. All right, kids. Ready for school? Can we stay home? What for? Dealing with the emotional pain of saying goodbye to our father. Go. Off you go. Go, go, go. PHONE RINGS Gosh. Eugene, hi. Yeah, sure. Yeah, we can meet up, yeah. Do you wanna come to my house? No. No, Dave's not here. Better to nip these things in the bud, just talk openly and honestly and... OK, um, yeah. Would you like a coffee or...? Ta. OK. A business relationship has to be built on trust and mutual respect, otherwise in the long run... You see what I'm saying? Not really. I'm sorry if I've caused any problems between you and your partner. You mean Jen? Dave. Dave? If you feel I've behaved inappropriately in any way` When? Well, that's what I'm asking you. But you haven't. Behaved inappropriately, I mean. Well, then, why did`? Why did he what? Has he said something to you? He came to my place yesterday. He suggested that I, um... that I had designs on you. Oh no. It wasn't great. My family were there. Oh my God. Um,... I am so sorry. Fortunately my wife's very understanding. Look, I am really excited being in business with you, and I'd like to think that we're friends` Same here. You have never been anything but professional towards me. That's a relief. I'm so embarrassed. Don't be. I'm just relieved it's all a big misunderstanding. There's no harm done. But perhaps you could have a word with Dave. Oh yeah. You can count on it. Morning, Jen. Julia! I thought you'd gone to work already. I was waiting for you. Me? We're just meeting, um, Eugene about the new spa, the new` You sure you can trust this Eugene guy? I, uh` I mean he seems nice enough, but appearances can be deceptive. Julia? What are you working on at the moment? Tomorrow's interviews for the management position in Canberra. With Ryan, the hot one? I still think you should kill two birds with one stone ` find an employee and a boyfriend. Which is why I'm in recruitment and you wash people's feet for a living. I'll just get outta your hair. SUGGESTIVE MUSIC Hi, is this Ryan? Hi, it's Julia Deering from the recruitment agency. Hey, listen, I wondered if we could get together first, just to go over some of the finer points. How does lunch sound? SOFTLY: Oh, he's so gorgeous. Have you got a name yet? Calling him 'the alien' for now. (CHUCKLES) Oh. Wow, it's really small. It's a stretch and grow. They're very useful. Thanks. And what about Azza? How's he coping? I dunno. He gapped it. He what? When was this? Right in the middle of pushing that thing out. And what about Dave? Well, he went to find him, then he came back, and then he went to find him again. And he didn't come back? Hey, I'm sure there's a really good reason for the` Yeah, like they got totally ripped and forgot. How are you getting home? Michael's organising it. Well, the main thing for you is to get some rest ` now, while you can ` and try not to worry. Everything else can wait. I'm not worried. It's what I expected from Azza. . (HUMS) Oh, here you are. Mm. Just finishing a few things up for tomorrow. Tomorrow? The Canberra interviews. Oh, yes. (CHUCKLES) I, uh, may have forgotten to mention something. The position has been filled. I'm sorry? Yeah. The, uh, CEO knew someone ` daughter of a friend. But I've been working on this for weeks. The good news is the contract is watertight so we keep the fee. (CHUCKLES WRYLY) Carry on. TENSE MUSIC I'm focused, a team player, but capable of leading when necessary. That's good to know. But my strongest asset is the passion I'll bring to the job. Well, we all like a bit of passion, don't we? Now, you do realise you'll have to relocate to Canberra? That's fine by me. And there's a fair bit of Pacific and Asian travel required as well. Mmm. Bring it. What about family? How will they feel about you being away so much? Fine. Mum travels all the time. Dad lives in Melbourne. And what about a significant other? I don't have one. Good-looking guy like you? That's hard to believe. I'm not gay, if that's what you're asking. (CHUCKLES) No. (LAUGHS) No, not at all. Maybe I should qualify. I don't have one girlfriend in particular, but don't hold that against me. I won't, I promise. Now are you sure you wouldn't like a glass of wine? I suppose one wouldn't hurt. Great. Red or white? Up to you. Two glasses of Pinot Gris, thank you. CLATTERING, SCRAPING < Dave? (SNIFFS) VIDEO GAME BLARES TV TURNS OFF Dave! Mm? What are you doing? SLURS: Sh` Tryin' s'port Az. What did you say? I was trying to support Azza. Jesus. I don't believe this. SMACK! This is bullshit. Hey, Cara. (GROANS) 'Sup? Well, Betty's in hospital with a newborn baby ` your baby ` and she's scared and alone... (YAWNS) ...and you're here drunk and stoned and playing a game. 'Bout sums it up. Classy. Cara, wait. I can explain. Don't even wanna hear it. Shit. < DOOR OPENS No! < DOOR CLOSES Hey! JOINT HISSES (GASPS) What did you do that for? You know, Cara's right. Get off your arse and go see Betty and the kid. Not me. Anyway, got your own shit to sort. (TURNS VIDEO GAME ON) Shit! That's what I said. BRAKES SCREECH, THUMP! Wait. What the hell do you think you're doing? I'm stopping you from going off in a snot. Well, I think it's more than just a snot. If you just let me explain. It was pretty obvious. What? That I was trying to support my mate? Is that what you call it? Yes. He is in some kinda weird denial. OK. When you're a parent you can't do 'denial'. Cara, come on. I am trying to help Azza, OK? The best I can. The way you tried to help with Eugene? What? I have never been so humiliated. It was Stewie's idea. Oh, for God's sake, at least take some responsibility. OK. I am really really sorry. It just kinda got out of hand` You think? I'm about to go into business with Eugene. It's probably one of the most exciting things that's happened to me in a long time, and you go over there and accuse him ` in front of his family ` of` of god knows what?! The most exciting thing? What? You said the most exciting thing in a long time. Oh, grow up. I am a grown-up! I don't have time for this. I've got an important meeting to get to. Yeah, well, I've got a bar to run. Cos it's my business and it's really important too. Good for you. Let go of the car, Dave. ENGINE STARTS ENGINE REVS, TYRES SCREECH You run marathons. I am impressed. Keeps me grounded. It must require a lot of stamina. I like to think I have staying power. Mm. More wine? I would love to, but I do have to get back to work today sometime. (SIGHS) Shame. Coffee? Or we could cut to the chase. Is the interview part over? I think we've covered everything. Then can I say, I` I think you're incredibly attractive. Of course you can say that. And I think you're attracted to me, so why don't we do something about it? (CHUCKLES THROATILY) I wasn't expecting our meeting to end like this. I was, about five minutes in. Ooh! And I promise it's not only because I want this job. Mm, that's a relief. (MOANS SOFTLY) Uh, actually, there is something I should probably mention. I think the position might have already been filled. You think? I'm so sorry. You were the perfect person for the job. How long have you known this? Since just before lunch. Well, at least now I won't have to move to Canberra. I swear to you, I have never, ever done anything like this before. But now I'm glad. Yeah, I guess it's all worked out. (LAUGHS) I'm so glad you understand. Ooh! What the frig? Hey, Dave. You're sleeping on the job? I didn't have anywhere else to go. Whitney's kicked me out. Cos of losing baby Moses? Yeah, we had this big fight, and she tells me she's in love with another guy ` some guy from night school. Oh man. How could she? DANCE MUSIC PLAYS I did the right thing. I supported her and our kid, went to church, didn't even look at another chick. How could God let this happen? It's hard to say. That bastard. Who, God? No. The guy from night school? No, Azza. Now Whitney doesn't trust me with my own son. But she was rooting some other guy anyway. That doesn't make me feel better. At least you know. This is it. Villa Temptation is ours! Yay! CARA AND JEN LAUGH Thank you. CARA AND EUGENE LAUGH Well, I've got a meeting right now, but how about I pop back later with a bottle of champers and we christen the new spa in style? Sounds good. Great. See you soon. Bye. OK, see you later. Bye. (LAUGHS) < DOOR CLOSES Oh my God, that was so awkward. (SIGHS) Dave got it into his head that this is all an excuse for Eugene to get me into the sack. You're kidding! He went over there to see him. Oh God, how embarrassing. M` Maybe Julia's right. Men are more trouble than they're worth. (GROANS) Shit, Cara. (SIGHS) I've been seeing someone. Oh wow! But then I broke it off. Oh no. Well, can you work it out? Jen. Oh, you poor thing. Hey, who is this guy? Why didn't you tell me? Because... it's Phil. Pardon? Phil. Julia's Phil? How long has this being going on? Couple of... Days? Weeks? Months. Shit, Jen. I know, and every time I'm around Julia, I'm so sure she knows, and I feel so sick and so awful and so scared, so I called it off. Good. You've done the right thing. I know. But it doesn't feel like the right thing. . Hiya. It's you. You're a bit pissed off at me, aren't you? OK, I guess I could have replied to your messages, but you were quite rude. I thought you had baby Moses, and you thought that I had baby Moses, but Hugo said that he was with his mum the whole time, so no harm done. I like to think that I learned a valuable lesson. I would be a crap mum. Not going there, uh-uh ` not me. From now on, this is a kid-free zone. Betty had the baby. I know. Have you seen the photos on Facebook? They're so cute. See, Michael posted these. I Facebook friended him back when I was cyberstalking him for Ogg Buh Buh. There's Betty with the baby. And there's Michael with the baby. And this one's Michael and Betty with the baby. They look just like a real family, don't they? Are you OK? You really don't look very well. I'll live. VIDEO GAME BLARES Wow. You really tied one on. What you need is one of my super special Bloody Marys ` it's the best thing in the world for a hangover. Wait right there. I'll nip down the road for a few ingredients. I'll be right back. < DOOR OPENS < DOOR CLOSES Cara, I have to tell Julia. No. What if I tell her exactly how it happened? Maybe Phil and I can start again, with her blessing. You do know you're dreaming. Yes. OK. But I don't know what else to do. You want me to come with you? No. I can do this. I can do it. CLATTERING EERIE MUSIC Hello? CLATTERING EERIE MUSIC INTENSIFIES (YELLS) Hey Logan. Are you OK? Guilty conscience? No. There's someone in Gran's flat. Like Mum or Jen? Duh. They don't work here any more. CLATTERING And Mum texted to say she'd be late. BANGING, CLATTERING There is definitely someone down there. I told you! Maybe it's a monster. Seriously? What are you, 6? Burglar. I mean burglar. BANGING I'll go get my sword. EERIE MUSIC CLATTERING WHISPERS: Count of three. One` We could dial 111. Don't be a coward. Two... three. ALL YELL (YELLS) OMG. Hey, Jasmine. What's up? What are you doing here? Dave said I could stay for a bit. And where's your sluzzy wife? We broke up. Mm. Serves you right. This is my grandmother's flat. I'll take good care of it. Good. Nice sword. Thank you. Is that for the LARPing thing? Live-action role-playing, yes. My character's a warrior princess. Yeah, sometimes I wish I could put on a costume and be someone else. Are you mocking me? No. Doltish knave. Trust me, two or three of these and you will not have a care in the world. < DOOR OPENS You're still very tense. What you need is a nice massage. What's going on? We're having a few drinks to cheer up poor Azza. Yeah, bullshit you are. That's not very nice. Can you give us a minute, please? I don't think he should be alone. He won't be. I mean alone with you. You seem very aggressive. Can you leave us a minute, please. I'll be out on the porch if you need me, Azza. What the hell are you doing? Getting shit-faced. You should be at the hospital with Betty. She's got the old rich guy. Pictures on Facebook and everything. Miserable Michael is not the father of your child. She needs you, not him. Yeah, nah. When you think about it, all I did was root her. He'll take way better care of her and the kid. But she was asking for you` Leave it alone, mate. Azza` I mean it, Dave! You know I'd be a shit dad. Haven't got a job. Haven't got a clue. I'm useless. No, you are not useless` Azza's got a point. Can you stay out of this?! He did lose somebody's baby yesterday. Just saying. OK. Listen to me. You cannot pick and choose these things, OK? It's like` It's like me and Cara. She came with three kids, but that didn't stop me, because I love her. And I know that you love Betty, so you have gotta do the right thing and man up. You wanted a kid, remember, Azza? > You wanted to be a dad. > So now this is your chance and you have got to take it. I told you. I changed my mind. Azza! Dude. You wanna hang out, have a beer, smoke some weed, cool. You wanna give me shit, maybe you should go and be boring old family guy somewhere else. (SIGHS) Here we are. I'm sorry that took longer than expected. How goes the setting up? > Getting there. Uh, Jen had to go. Some urgent business to take care of. Ah. BANG! Whoa! Is there any more equipment to come? No, that's about all for now. Cara. Eugene. (CHUCKLES) Yes? Ladies first. Thank you. I just wanted you to know, um, I spoke to Dave about what he did. There won't be a repeat. Thanks. But to be fair, it wasn't entirely his fault. What wasn't? I mean, he` he may have been picking up on the vibe. Well, of` of course I'm attracted to you. You` You're beautiful, you're smart, you're funny. I'm a red blooded male. Eugene, I` But I'm a married man; you have a partner. Nothing is ever gonna happen. No. No, of course not. (STIFLES LAUGHTER) Now it's my turn to feel a little bit embarrassed. No, no, not at all. I'm glad we talked about it. Really? Yeah. Yeah. God, yeah. It` It's much better to be open about these things and be mature, deal with it. Move on. (CHUCKLES) Exactly. And why would you be interested in a boring middle-aged man when you have a 25-year-old at home, as my wife was only too happy to point out. You` You are not middle-aged... or boring. (LAUGHS) It's kind of you to say. I know Azza wants to be here. He's just a bit freaked out, you know. What's his problem? I'm the one with stitches. Stitches? Where? No. Don't worry. He hasn't even met his son yet. Yeah, Miserable Michael being here's probably not helping. Well, what's that got to do with anything? Azza's feeling a bit threatened. You're joking. You did move in with the old guy. I had to get out of that cesspit. And you went to baby classes with him... and stuff. I want Azza to be here, with me and our kid. I... (SIGHS) I love him. Have you told Azza that? (SCOFFS) We don't say that kind of shit to each other. Well, he does, but I don't. But you do want to be with him? To be a real couple? That's what I said, isn't it? OK. What Azza needs is just a bit of time to get his head around it. But he will come through, I promise. Yeah, maybe. Love will find a way. Don't push it, douchelord. By the way,... cutest kid ever. So cool. Yeah, he's all right, for an alien life form. Here we are. All set. Ready to go? Yeah, beam us up. Sorry to interrupt but, uh, hospital want the room. Nah, no problem. Here. Let me. Back off, buddy. I've got this. Thanks, Dave. My pleasure. Yeah, OK. Thanks heaps for covering. Cool. I've got the night off. Tell someone who cares. Hey. Settling in OK? Yeah. Thanks heaps. What's for dinner? I dunno. What did your mum say? Nothing, cos she's still at work. Still? Huh. Lucky we have this miracle of modern communication technology ` the phone. Hey, another dad joke. And how can you tell? Cos it's not funny. Mm. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for the way I treated you last year, eh. Uh, I thought that going back to Whitney was the right thing, but I guess it wasn't. You mean Jesus told you to do the wrong thing? I guess. PHONE: Hi, it's Cara Gray here. Please leave a message. Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry and I hope we can be friends. I'll think about it. You're really lucky. You've got a cool family. I've got a freak family. I dunno. Maybe she's got the right idea. Excuse me? If you don't like who you are, you can be someone else. Hey, it's me. How you doing? Good. Still working, huh? That's right. Well, me and the kids were just wondering about dinner. You could order pizza. I could do that. Great. Well, anyway, I'll, um` I'll let you get back to it. Love you. Me too. Bye. DISCONNECTED SIGNAL (SIGHS) You sure about this? The thought of you and an innocent little baby in there... It's where we live. DISTANT TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS If you change your mind` I won't. But if you do, there's always a room for you both at my place. You've been amazing. But Azza's his dad, you know. And... (SIGHS) even if he is a useless dick, we've got to try. It's been my very great pleasure. You should find yourself a chick and knock her up. Like Fran from work. She likes you. You make an excellent dad. Thank you. Uh, probably better if I do this without you. No offence. All right. Yeah. Bye, little chap. It's been wonderful meeting you. (SIGHS) TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS Azza, get your arse out here and meet the Alien life form. (GASPS) Like that! (PANTS) Betty? Yeah... (GASPS) What did you call me? Oh, right. Hi. Betty? Can you take us to your place? Of course. What happened? (SIGHS) Can we not talk about it, please? (GRIZZLES) Whatever you want, yeah. > (CRIES) . (HUMS) PHONE RINGS Julia speaking. It's Cara. Cara. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm very good. I had the most satisfying lunch today. Oh, OK. Um, are you at home? No, no, I'm still at work. Lunch just went on and on and on. So you haven't talked to Jen yet? Jen? No. Why? Do I need to talk to her? No reason. Well, um, I won't hold you up. Cara, what do you know about Je` One moment, please. Julia, could I have a word? In my office, if you would. Eugene's here. I` I'd better go. I'll talk to you later. Bye. UNSETTLED MUSIC Hello. Ryan tells me you had lunch with him today. Well, yes. I, um` Despite me being quite clear that the position was already filled. Yes. Sorry if I wasted your time. Naturally I've promised Ryan we'll find him another position as soon as possible. Of course. DOOR CLOSES > KEYS JINGLE > Hi. Hey. Sorry I'm so late. No worries. There's, uh, leftover pizza. Oh, I had something at work. You should see the new spa. It's amazing. Yeah, I` I can't wait. Dave. There's, um, something I need to tell you. OK? (MOUTHS) Oh, what was it again? Um... Oh, yeah, that's right. I just wanted to say sorry for the argument this morning. I was honestly just trying to help Azza. He is not in a good place. Yeah, I know. But you were right about the whole Eugene thing. I was a dick for going around there. Actually, Eugene was really good about it. Yeah? Mm-hm. We had a great talk. Cleared the air. All sorted. MURMURS: Good. (CLEARS THROAT) So, what would you say to an early night? Suddenly I feel very tired. Mm. OK. Come on, then. Hey. Hey, Liam. Just left my phone up here. 'Sup. Yeah. Chur. Yeah. Something else I probably should've mentioned. Julia, hi. What happened? I was fired today. Why? I slept with a client, who as it turns out was using me to get a job. Oh shit. I have never, ever been anything but professional in my dealings with clients. I know! You encouraged me to do it ` to go out with him. And we know why, don't we? So you'd feel better about the fact that you've been screwing my husband. I thought we were friends. We are. I didn't mean to` To what? To fall into bed with your legs in the air? I didn't mean to fall in love with him. Get out. Julia, please. Ca`? Let me explain` I don't wanna hear it! Get out! ELEVATOR CHIMES (SOBS) BOX THUDS THE PHOENIX FOUNDATION'S 'FLOCK OF HEARTS' Funny old day, huh? Mm, yeah. You, uh, know how you said I was immature? I was angry. (MOANS SOFTLY) It's just that Azza then said I was a boring old family guy. (LAUGHS) You could never be boring, believe me. (MOANS) And now, it's my turn. What for? To be your sex slave. Your every wish, sir. # So, flock of hearts # beating their wings # through the blood-red sky # to the clouds where they dine with the king. # 'FLOCK OF HEARTS' CONTINUES Captions by Tariqa Satherley. Edited by Ashlee Scholefield. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air.