(ROARS) I'm about to into business with Eugene. I've been seeing someone. It's Phil. You've been screwing my husband? Get out. (GROWLS) Betty's in hospital with a newborn baby ` your baby. (GASPS CLIMACTICALLY) Yeah! Like that! I know that you love Betty, so you have gotta do the right thing and man up! No. Yes. No. Yes. No, I am not going drinking with you until you get off your arse and you go see Betty and your kid. No. Yes. No. Yes. Whoa! Bloody hell! What the shit? HARD ROCK MUSIC Uh, so, yeah, the, uh, trick when reversing is to have it in reverse. Oh, thank you, Liam, but I think we've both discovered that driving is not for me. I have a dress to finish sewing. Good day. Can I have a driving lesson, Liam? No. I gotta say sorry to Scarlett. I used some pretty rough language out there. Called her the K-word. What's the K-word? How long is Liam staying, anyway? I dunno. This is so unfair. I'm the one who wants to drive, and Scarlett's the one who catches the bus, because she wants to save the planet. Azza, where you going? I'm not finished yet. What about Betty and your baby? I came here for a drinking buddy not a lecture. I can run errands. I can pick you up when you've been drinking. I will be awesome. Yeah, whatever. Really? OMG. ILY! Like, legit ILY! I'll be right back. What? For my driving lesson. You rock, Dave. It's hard to bask in this new-spa glow when I feel so guilty ` all the time. How is she? Julia's not awesome. How's Phillip? Amazing. So together and nice and thoughtful and so sexy. I just wanna spend every second of every day with him ` in the buff. I've never been like this before. It's like he's got me... dick-notised. I'm happy for you, Jen, but I can't do this conversation. Because Julia's your sister. That and you're grossing me out a bit. Sorry. But despite the fact that you used the word 'dick-notised', I'm glad it's something special. DOOR OPENS Hey. Every time I come here, this place looks more and more like you guys,... (CHUCKLES) ...which is great. But you wanna know what's better? Villa Temptation has been invited to a conference. A conference? What kind of conference? Well, the kind where we listen to a few presentations, we try a few products, have a few treatments. LAUGHS: Oh wow! Awesome. In Queenstown. All expenses paid ` perk of the business. We get a perk? We've never had a perk before. (CHUCKLES) Wait, that's this weekend. It's short notice, yeah, but, come on, we didn't exist two weeks ago. So am I booking flights? This weekend? I know it's short notice, but... we got a perk. Oh, well, then you have to go for it. I'll hold the fort here. Sweet. Thanks so much, Dave. You deserve a girls' weekend. Girls and` and Eugene. Sorry? It's the three of us. Wicked. Anyway, I'd better let him know to book the flights. Yeah, 'course. Thanks. Love you. Soz. I was just doing my make-up. It's just a driving lesson. Driving lesson selfies. Duh. Childcare sorted. As long as he doesn't have an out-of-control party this time. That wasn't Dave. That... You're teasing. I am. All right, Auckland to Queenstown. Exciting! Wow, two whole days, though ` away. Heaven. Gah. I've just got so much stuff to do. Like what? Oh, you know, just... just so much stuff. But we got a perk. I know. It's just,... you know. Jeez, Cara. Do you think it'd be OK if we had even more spa treatments and wining and dining to ourselves? Thanks, Eugene! Oh, you two will have such a great time. Seat belt. Obvi. Check your rear-view mirror. OK, now double-check behind you. OK, now, very carefully release the handbrake. TYRES SQUEAL Brake! Brake! Sorry. It's a little more sensitive than I'm used to. What are you used to? I've been driving in games at the arcade for years. Actual driving is not a race. Sometimes when I hear myself say these words... She's doing it! Just be` Just keep doing what you're doing. LIGHT MUSIC You must be pretty busy to give up an all-expenses-paid pamper trip to Queenstown. UNCONVINCINGLY: Yeah, really busy. (CLEARS THROAT) Anything I can help with? Errands? Laundry? Getting off with your new boyfriend? You really want to help with that? Jen! I know. I'm pathetic. Yes. But you know what the honeymoon phase is like. I would turn down the opportunity to wash David Bowie's hair circa 1986 if that meant I could watch Phil make spaghetti bolognese. I hope that's not a euphemism. No, I'm also kinda hungry. And, anyway, you and Eugene get on like a house on fire. Yeah, but... there are three spots. You could take Dave. Then who will stay with the kids? Oh my God, I've got it ` Julia. I'm not asking Julia to mind the kids. No, I mean she could do with getting away, being spoilt, spending time with her big sister. Yeah. You moving out? (CHUCKLES) Sorry. (SMOOCHES) Don't know what to take with me to Queenstown. Well, if you were going with me, I'd have to give you the advice 'clothes schmoves'. But you're not, so I'd have to say, um,... ask Jen what she's taking. Oh, she's not coming after all. She's` Just you and Eugene, then? I invited Julia instead. Oh, great. Excellent. (CHUCKLES) Because she is your sister, so... ...she could do with some time out. Exactly what I was saying. Ooh, hey. So, it's gonna be cold. Which one? (SIGHS) Um... Hmm. I don't think that goes with anything. Voila. OK, bye, guys. Be good for Dave. QUIETLY: I mean it. Hey, you don't have to worry about Jas this time, Cara. Someone has figured out how cool I am. Yeah. Dave's all right. Have a good time, Mum. OK. Mwah! This is incredible, Scar. Thank you. Scarlett made this herself. Took her months. Talented. You off to a fancy dress party? Uh, actually, Scarlett's involved, full immersion, in LARPing. It's live-action role-playing, and she has an event this weekend. Right. Have fun. I'm fighting a bloodthirsty regime. It's not about fun. Anyway, w-we should go. Bye, everyone. Mwah! OK, see ya later. BOTH SMOOCH Vom. Child abuse. OK, so, head as if you were going back to` CELL PHONE RINGS Oh. (CHUCKLES) It's her. To Julia, anything less than 10 minutes early is late. (CHUCKLES) Hello. We're on our way. Hi, Cara. Sorry, I'm actually ringing to say... I don't wanna go. Oh, no, you have to. It'll be really nice for you to spend some time away. In Queenstown, where Phillip proposed? I thought that I could manage, but I... (SIGHS) Oh, sweetheart. Look, I promise you'll be too busy having a good time to even think about it. OK? Well, while I was organising and packing, I realised that's exactly what I need to be doing right now ` decluttering, regrouping. You can do it when you get back? I'm sorry, Cara. I` But you'll have fun, OK? Love you. Is it just the two of us, then? Yeah. I'm sure we'll cope. 1 OMG. Rose just scored us an invite to the coolest party on Sunday! I thought Rose was a mouldy butt-brain. Rude! You said it. No, she said that Rose was a scuzzy slapper. Abby's a slapper too. She slapped my arm really hard the other day when I didn't play elastics with her. Rose and me are all goods now. Everything is sweet. Presenting Unholy Duke of Bergerac. He's joining me on my quest to win the Bloodline Wars. Yeah. Something a bit different, eh. Liam's character wants to avenge the disappearance of his only son ` smuggled away by an evil hag ` with the help of me, Princess Samara Undead. LAUGHS: Wha`? You might laugh, Dave, but it's kind of helping me figure out my own real-life stuff. We should go. VIDEO GAME PLAYS Well, Liam turned out to be a bit of a weirdo. Am I right? Gross. What did I ever see in him? Pass. There are gonna be way cuter guys at the party. VIDEO GAME CONTINUES I'm sorry, but those mountains, that lake ` I mean, they're just sitting there. They're right there, sitting there, being beautiful. Hmm. Never get sick of this view. My sister got engaged here ` Ah, it's a special place. to the guy who is currently residing with Jen. Yeah. Not the easiest of situations. Well, you know. You can't help who you fall for. You and I both know that. Sorry? Me, a married man who fell for my junior law clerk. You, Dave. LAUGHS: Yes. Hmm. Mm. I'll let you get unpacked. I'll see you down at the spa. OK. I am looking forward to this. Me too ` so much! DOOR SHUTS Now, it's been two weeks since your baby was born. Do you know how much a baby grows in two weeks? How much? I would imagine a lot. Betty won't want to see me, anyway. I bet she does. Not after she walked in on me when I was in Xandra. Ew! Azza! I didn't see my dad till I was 8. Eyes on the games, kids. Give it up, Dave. It's not gonna happen. Az is wicked keen to come see you guys. He's just going through some confusion. Well, he didn't seem confused the last time I saw him ` on Xandra's Wild Ride ` the day after this guy was born. What a scuzzy man-ho! Tell me about it. Eyes ` games, kids. Look, I'm really worried about him. The Azza I know was chomping at the bit to be a dad. Chomping at the what? Oh, it's an expression. It's not even about the Xandra thing. I mean, usually that would make me want to keep him so that I could make him suffer and so that she couldn't have him. You should so do that. But not even being bothered to meet your own son? It's the lowest. (SIGHS) Sorry, Dave. I'm with her. READS: 'Peppermint and rose holistic pressure-point massage'. Should we be offering that? What is it? LAUGHS: I don't know. Well, I guess that's why we're here. I can't get over how spoilt I feel ` like a cat that's gonna take a long bath in whipped cream. (LAUGHS) Imagine living like this all the time. How amazing would that be? Well, let's do it. Hmm? Live like that ` if only for the weekend. We can pretend. (LAUGHS) I usually leave fantasy land to my eldest daughter. (CHUCKLES) Oh, I wonder how Dave's managing. You couldn't even do it for 10 seconds. Huh? Make-believe. You know, Naomi and I realised that whenever we went away without the kids, all we did was talk about the kids. So we made this rule ` no domestic talk while we're away. And you manage it? We make sure we do. So this weekend, that same rule applies. All that stuff at home doesn't exist. (LAUGHS) I mean it. We're just two people enjoying ourselves without a care in the world. Well, how else will we get the full, authentic spa experience, hmm? OK, let's do it ` (CHUCKLES) make-believe. POP MUSIC PLAYS I'm telling you, he's lost his spark. Well, maybe he saw the baby and realised he wasn't actually connected to fatherhood. Yeah, I don't think that's it. Not everyone is parent of the year. I mean, I couldn't do it. Kids? No way. God, I would listen to her tinkle into a tin cup over the phone. Jesus, Hugo. She might be right about Azza, you know. She's not. READS: 'Screaming orgasm'. We learnt about them in science. Did you just? Yeah. But I haven't seen a screaming one before ` or any, actually. They're really small. Game, Logan. Why are you still being all step-Dave? Did Cara not learn her lesson? She's on a work trip to Queenstown. In my experience, work trips are just an excuse to get drunk in a different pub in a different place. Well, lucky I'm not dating you, then. You still planning on driving these kids home? Nup. Another excellent reason to have kids ` they're useful. I'm nailing this stepdad thing ` nailing it. RELAXING MUSIC Mmm. Thank you. My pleasure. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) I can't remember the last time I felt this amazing. (LAUGHS) It felt like falling in a dream. How was yours? (SIGHS) It was phenomenal. (CHUCKLES) But I have to say, the one you gave me is still the best massage I've ever had in my life. LAUGHS: No. Yes. Why do you think I went into business with you? (CHUCKLES) RELAXING MUSIC CONTINUES (SIGHS) You know, it took me ages to learn to let go and fully relax in a massage. Really? Mm. Bad experience in my 20s. The masseuse kept, um` Well, a number of times, he got a little close to the three-piece suite. BOTH CHUCKLE Are you sure you were in the right kind of establishment? I still don't know. (CHUCKLES) Well, sometimes you can accidentally bump or nudge. I mean, I` I never have, but I know that, with men... If they're lying there, and` and sometimes it's` it's in the way, and, um... Hey, the pedicures look really good. Well, you should book one tomorrow while I hit the golf course. Golf? Make-believe, remember? Tomorrow I'm making believe that golf is work-related. BOTH CHUCKLE Anyway, we should head back. I will knock on your door at 6 for dinner. Sounds amazing. OK. 1 Hey, your mum will be so stoked ` someone else to do the taxiing around. Except you kind of can't tell her yet. Eh? I haven't got my learner's, and she's nerdy about the rules. Oh, well, we'll get your learner's next week, then. Oh, you have to be 16, which I'm not. Oh. It was 15 in my day. Still should be. Have we been breaking the law? Don't tell Cara. Don't tell Mum. What's Azza's baby called? Doesn't have a name yet. You know, for a princess, your sister's a slob. Oh! What the hell? Don't point my own sword at me. I am gonna be sick ` for actual. Are they wrestling? Go play on your tablet, Logan. I've already had too much screen time today. WHISPERS: Doesn't matter. Run along. Really? You couldn't have just not hooked up? Our characters are falling in love. What?! And shouldn't you still be moping about your wife and baby? Well, I'm working through those feelings in a different way. Actually, I don't care. Just... go away. Oh, OK. Why do this to your sister? Of all the weedy teenage guys in Auckland` You're the one who introduced him to` No way. This is not my fault. Cara is gonna think this is my fault. So don't tell her. I have my student exchange. Liam has a kid. It's not like this is a thing. So you hurt Jasmine for something that isn't a thing. Nice work, Scarlett (!) You have an interesting relationship with cooking ` measuring, guessing... I don't believe in recipes. Pinch of this, a splash of that... Yeah, but one person's pinch might be different to someone else's. Yeah? Mm. Ohh. OK, your pinch is just fine. (GASPS) How's mine? Not bad. SOFT MUSIC Julia. Dave. (CLEARS THROAT) Hey, I hear you've been going through a rough` I'm just dropping some clothes off for the girls. I'm doing a bit of a life stocktake. Wait ` aren't you supposed to be in Queenstown? I didn't go, obviously. Did Cara not tell you? Hmm. Maybe she thought you'd feel funny about her being away with Eugene ` him being handsome, successful, age-appropriate. Nah. She probably just forgot to mention it. Yeah, I'm sure. Although, one thing I have learnt over the last few weeks is not to take anybody at face value. OK. On the other hand, my reliable sister isn't really the type to go for a dirty weekend away with a married man, is she? Nah. 'Course not. Hmm. CELL PHONE RINGS Hello, you. Hey. How you doing? Amazing. So amazing. Great. I just had this neuromuscular trigger-point massage. It sounds like a science experiment, but it was incredible. And how are you? Coping OK? Yeah, sure, sure. Julia dropped by. Oh, how is sh`? Ohh, right, um, she cancelled on the way to the airport. I didn't have time to mention it. Between your busy schedule of massages? Did you forget? Or did you decide not to tell me? Not this again. Not what? You, going all jealous-features. Well, you're going all liar-features. Oh my God. You just called me a liar. No, I` I said 'liar-features', which is not the same as just 'liar'. And you're the one who said 'features' first, so I was just copying` Dave. Don't you make me the bad guy here, Cara. You are the bad guy. I'm the bad guy? Well, if there is a bad guy in this situation, then it would be you, yes. Bloody hell, Dave. I am on a work trip ` my first ever work trip ` with a colleague. And I` I was relaxed until my partner phoned to say he doesn't trust me! KNOCKING ON DOOR Eugene's here. I better go. Well, say hi to Eugene for me. Please say goodnight to the ki` PHONE BEEPS, KNOCKING ON DOOR You OK? Yeah, yeah. Just had a phone call from home that was a little... frosty. (CHUCKLES) Hand it over. I'm sorry? I'm confiscating your phone ` for the evening. (SCOFFS) No, no, it's not a suggestion. Come on. What if there's an emergency? Well, they can call the hotel. Come on. Thank you. All right. Now, you look like you could do with a drink. (CHUCKLES) Great idea. This is getting a little uncomfortable. Oh. Thanks. But also... It feels like we can't do anything that doesn't involve being naked. That is a blatant exaggeration. Now, take off that skirt and talk to me when you make sense. I mean it. Tomorrow let's do something couply that doesn't involve coupling. OK. Like what? There's heaps we can do. Hmm, we could go to a movie. Sitting next to you in the dark with my attention span five minutes long? Recipe for sexual disaster. OK, uh, a swim at the beach. You're not even trying. Well, I don't really have a problem with how we're going. Some couples bowl, some hike, and... we shag. But the bowling, hiking couples shag too. Not like we do! (SQUEALS) Don't even think about round two. This relationship is not gonna be based on sex. (LAUGHS) Dammit! (IMITATES PLANE RUMBLING) Whoa! Night. I haven't brushed my teeth. (GRUNTS) Whoa. Whoa! UPLIFTING MUSIC Night, Dave. BOTH GIGGLE Oh, hey. You're here. Oh, hi, Dave. I, um, just wanted to make sure you're not going to have any medieval nightmares. Rose is cheering me up. Yeah, nah, Jas is totally sweet now. Oh, right. Who am I? (THICK VOICE) 'Duh, do you have any dirty dishes I can wash? 'Cos that's, like, my favourite thing in the world. 'Duh, where do babies come from? Cos I've got one, but I don't know how. (LAUGHS UNCONTROLLABLY) Stop it! 'Sorry. I can't talk to you. I only talk to fugly scuzzoids.' Well, it's great to see that you are handling this. SOFT, MELANCHOLIC MUSIC DIAL PAD BEEPS, DIAL TONE RINGS ANSWERPHONE: Hi, this is Cara Gray's phone. Please leave a message or call me back. Did you see me look behind when the waiter called me ma'am? (LAUGHS) I gotta say, it was pretty endearing. (CHUCKLES) It's true what they say ` wine after a massage goes to your head. (LAUGHS) It's fun, though, right? Letting stuff go to your head every now and then. Thank you for a great night. Well, it doesn't have to be over. Oh, come on, let's see what's in our minibars. Actually, I might make the most of the king-size bed ` to, ya know, stretch out. (LAUGHS) Dave ` he's so tall. He pretty much sleeps on the diagonal. It'll be great to have some room all to myself. That does sound like a good plan. Goodnight, Cara. Goodnight. BOTH CHUCKLE See you later. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) (SIGHS) Great (!) (SIGHS) Hi. Hi. Sorry, I forgot that you've` My, um,... (EXHALES) my phone. (CHUCKLES) You took my phone, and you've still got it. Ah. Cross-purposes situation. Thanks. Cara, you sure you don't want to`? Thanks. Sorry. Bye. Goodnight. HEAVY MELANCHOLIC MUSIC KEYPAD BEEPS MUSIC CONTINUES CELL PHONE RINGS MUSIC CONTINUES . # Stay with me # on the forest floor. # You can hold my hands... # 1 LOW MUSIC MUSIC CONTINUES WHISPERING SAUCE SPLATTERS Get the scissors. Maybe we should just hide it. She'll totally flip. Do you want to send a message or not? Rose. If we get in trouble, well, we'll just say it was Logan. Don't know why I waited so long to get down to the South Island. Definitely want to take the kids. Scarlett would love to see Lord of the Rings country. BOOT OPENS (CLEARS THROAT) I wonder if we should talk about the elephant in the room. I'm sorry about last night. I` I made a bad judgement call. No, don't even mention` No, I want to, ya know. Um,... I wish I hadn't put you in that position. You didn't put me in any position. I mean,... it might have been that energy thing we talked about the other week. And we were playing make-believe, so... OK. Yeah. Great. Tomorrow ` business as usual. Yeah. Like nothing happened. Mm, hey, nothing did happen. BOTH CHUCKLE I'll see you at the spa. Great. Mum! Hey, sweetheart! You probably want a kiss or something, so I'm out. (CHUCKLES) I've missed you. I've missed you too. I'm sorry about what I said on the phone. I was being a jealous dickhead. You can be any kind of dickhead you like. (SCREAMS) Oh my God! What happened? You two! I don't think so! (GRUNTS) Let me go! What the hell is going on? I hate you, Jasmine! What happened? She's a sluzzy troll. She is so gross. She deserves it! You did this? You actually`? Ask her what she did! Whatever it was, this isn't right! How could you be so horrible, Jasmine? So mean? Because no one cares about me! You all just pretend! That is rubbish` Walk any further and you'll regret it. Jasmine Gray! ANSWERPHONE: It's Jas. Leave a message. Jas, come home this minute. You're grounded. If you don't come home, I'm coming to look for you. Sorry, I've gotta ditch. I can't take any more time away from work. No, of course. I just don't understand why she would do that. There may be some jealousy issues. What, she's jealous of Scarlett? Sorry, Dave. (SIGHS) You gave up your weekend, and the least I can do is let you get to work on time. I'm really sorry you had to come home to this. Yeah, me too. Beer? Depends. I've got money ` some. Have you seen your baby yet? I just want a beer, bro. I'm sorry, mate, but I'm not serving you until you do the right thing. Eh? No baby, no beer. This is bullshit. Betty wouldn't even let me see it. Actually, Betty doesn't care that you shagged Xandra. Being a parent is kind of bigger than that. It's about being there for your kid. You heard the boss. No baby, no beer. Hi. Hi. I'm sorry I haven't been around, but I broke my vow of celibacy for you. I've been trying to work out if you were worth it. They won't serve me. Wanna come back to my place? OK. Hi, Naomi. Cara, hi. We're just off out ` um, neighbourhood barbecue. Oh, nice. I heard you had a great time in Queenstown with my husband. Yeah. Hello. Long time no see (!) Yeah, sorry, um... Just wondering whether Jasmine is here or has been here? No. No. Oh, I got a text from Rose saying she was going to a movie. Maybe she's with her. Right. Thanks. Is everything OK? Yeah. Yeah, it's just` Jas had a fight with her sister. Girls can be so awful. Mm. Not you, sweet pea. Could you maybe give me a call if she does show up here? I'll drive her home myself. Thank you. That'd be great. It's a bit of a nightmare, to be honest. (CHUCKLES) I'll let you get to your barbecue. See ya. AMBIENT MUSIC 1 Ah, that's a DC-3 ` one of the most successful large aircraft ever built. Wow. You're really quite knowledgeable. Knowledge is power. Power is sexy. My grandad was a fighter pilot in the war. Sexy. Don't say 'sexy' in reference to my grandad. I wasn't. So, did you like planes as a kid? Nah, I was more of a boat guy. I like the waves, the water, the salt, the way the waves lap the shore ` In and out, in and out... Well, we're looking at planes now, so... Oh, screw it. SMOOTH MUSIC MUSIC CONTINUES I've been carrying around a crippling sense of guilt. Shagging you definitely felt like a dick-Alex thing to do. But then I was like, in the grand scheme of things it could have been so much worse. First of all, we could have been nude when Betty walked in. And second, Betty could be a decent person or something. But she's not, and she totally deserved it. Eh? You know, she left you. She moved in with sad-emoji Michael. So selfish and bovine. Bovine? Like a cow, Azza. Moo. I don't think you should call Betty a cow. Why not? Everything she's done has been in her own best interests. She was having a baby. Was her job to do what was in her best interests. Babe, Betty is a total succubus. Betty doesn't suck. I had nine months to sort my shit out, and I couldn't even do it. I know what you need ` a clean start. Have you ever thought about changing your name to Ron? As in 'Aa-ron'? She had to look out for herself, because` because I wasn't doing it. And I'm still not. I know that right now you wanna hide from the world, but it's not the answer. This is Stephen Fleming. I don't know that much about cricket, but I'm pretty sure it's not. I got him when I was a baby, and I'm gonna give him to my boy. No. Yes. And I've had enough of your crazy. God, this is so 2011 all over again. Ron, you are being manipulated. I'm not. Bro, I'm gonna be a dad. Bro? You need to find somewhere else to live. I suppose I could sleep in my car. Azza's got a spare room. Azza lost my kid and ruined my life. Scarlett is Jasmine's sister. You don't go from sister to sister. Me and Jasmine didn't do anything. We had promise rings. She was just a kid, really. Hey! Hey. Hugo said you'd be in here. Liam, beat it. (SIGHS) Did you find Jas? Nah. Look, this weekend's been hard. I wanted to get Azza back on track and be the perfect stepdad` Dave. Eugene... kissed me. I am so sorry. I feel really awful. If he kissed you, why do you feel awful? Because... he might have thought that... I wouldn't have minded. Hmm. There was a misunderstanding with my phone. He had it in his room, and I went to get it` You went to his room? To get my phone. It's` It's not even worth mentioning, but I just` I want us to always be honest with each other. Quit your job. What? Quit. I can't just qui... It's not my job; it's my business. I can't quit my own business. Whatever. I don't want you working with the guy. He's not gonna do anything like that again. No, he's not, because you're not working with him again. I don't have a problem with you here every night with Georgia, not to mention all the other girls that come into the bar. I'm not kissing them. You know what? I can't do this right now, not with this Jasmine thing going on at the moment. I have two devastated teenagers to deal with. You're kidding. You come here and tell me you are kissing another man and you 'can't deal with it right now'?! You know, I didn't kiss him! He kissed me. I didn't do anything wrong. Didn't you, Cara? Do you really believe that? (SCOFFS) What? I think if you really did believe you did nothing wrong, you wouldn't be here picking a fight with me. Hello? Anyone home? (SCOFFS) They've gone to the dumb neighbourhood barbecue thing. Now they can't drive us to the party. Mum has called me, like, a thousand times. Yeah, cos she wants to ground you. Probs. Just don't answer it. Wanna borrow something to wear to the party? How are we even gonna get there? Dad's car. What? No way. Jasmine, it is vital that we get to this party. The note says they're not back until 10. Dad won't even know. But... you can't even drive. Yeah, but you keep bangin' on about how you can. It's a different kind of car to Mum's. I don't even know how to turn it on. ENGINE STARTS WARNING CHIMES (EXHALES) BOTH GIGGLE So, I guess I'm going to have to accept the fact that our relationship is based entirely on sex. Well, it's part of it. But I also love you for your sense of humour, your compassion and your intense knowledge of fighter planes. Aw. BOTH LAUGH UPBEAT POP MUSIC Score! Hey, pull over at that dairy. I want to grab some smokes. But I` I haven't learned how to park yet. Then drive round the block and pick me up. They won't sell them to you, anyway. Oh! The step-monster's coat. UPBEAT POP MUSIC CONTINUES POLICE RADIO CHATTER ENGINE REVS, CRASH! POLICE SIREN BLARES LOW MUSIC Betty. I wanted to give you` the baby... something. Stephen Fleming. He used to be mine. Thought it was time to meet him. I mean, it was time two weeks ago. But I only just realised I don't have to be a loser forever. You're right. You should have met him two weeks ago. I was ashamed. Cos I was the worst father, the worst boyfriend. But then I realised if I didn't do anything about that, it'd be too late, and` Not trying to escape, are we? Oh. (CHUCKLES) Hi, Aaron. Hi. Have you told him? Told me what? Ah, right. I'll, uh` I'll give you a moment. A lot's happened in the last two weeks, like, baby's opened his eyes, and his gross belly button thing has fallen off. And... Michael's asked me to marry him. And I said yes. WISTFUL MUSIC DOOR SHUTS You're early. Yeah. I left Hugo to cover. Went round to Eugene's. You what? Wasn't home. Oh, thank God. I want to punch him in the face, Cara. No. Just leave it. Please, Dave. This is not about him. It's about my work. It's so important to me. How can you work with the guy when you know he is a sleaze? In a funny way, Dave, this makes things much better. How? I was always on a bit of the back foot with Eugene. He was Mr Perfect. Yeah, right (!) Yeah, exactly, 'Yeah, right'. Now I don't have to feel like a dick all the time, because... he's a bit of a dick too. He's a complete penis. Yeah. For putting the moves on a woman who's already got everything she could ever want in a man. I love you, Dave. Love you too. So can we let it go now? I guess. Having that new spa, it's like a dream. And I keep thinking I'm gonna wake up and it'll be all gone. PHONE RINGS (CHUCKLES) Hello? Cara Gray speaking. Yes, I'm Jasmine Gray's mother. Is she OK? Um,... (CHUCKLES) I'm sorry, she what? Jasmine wouldn't know how to steal a car. She doesn't even know how to drive a car. Is this a good time to tell you that she can? What? Wh-What do you mean? Drive. I may... have been giving her secret driving lessons. She's very good, actually. She hasn't got her learner's. She's 15! You taught her` You taught her to drive? Well, I definitely didn't teach her how to steal. I thought I was being an awesome stepdad, OK? Oh my God. Cara? What are you doing here? What are you? Car got stolen. Just had a call to say they caught some bloody kid driving round in it. INDIE-POP MUSIC Captions by Alex Walker. Edited by Imogen Staines. www.able.co.nz Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air.