1 Dad's car. Dad won't even know. CRASH! (YELPS) Michael's asked me to marry him. And I said yes. What the shit? An orgasm. What the hell? Don't point my own sword at me. Eugene kissed me. He's a bit of a dick. Complete penis. I wish I hadn't put you in that position. I don't want you working with the guy. TYRES SCREECH UPBEAT POP MUSIC MUSIC STOPS Oh my God, he's here. Want me to hang around? Yeah. But no. Hi, Eugene. Love you. OK, yeah. I'll see ya. TRAFFIC NOISE Hello. Morning. Haven't seen you in ages. We thought you might've stopped doing deliveries. I've been off the road for a few weeks. Oh. Car issues. Look, I'm really really sorry about what happened. And so is Jasmine. She's really sorry about what she did. Let's just save it for the family group conference this afternoon. Yes. This afternoon, sorry. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) But before that, I, uh, I just wanna say, um,... well, how much I value this partnership. I feel exactly the same. I'm glad. Well, shall we get this stuff inside? Absolutely. (GRUNTS) BOX'S CONTENTS CLINK Ooh, you all right? Yep. (CHUCKLES) (CLEARS THROAT) Copyright Able 2015 (SIGHS) It's just me this arvo. Cara's got the Jasmine thing. New towels? Yeah, we always seem to run out. So... Oh, you should've told me. I can get them wholesale. Nah, it's` Don't worry, It's fine. What's that? J and P. Jen... ...and Phillip. Oh my God. Oh, you are so cute. Monogrammed towels. Oh, they are just so gorgeous. Really? Oh, I love them. And I feel so bad about all the wet towels. I'm gonna collect them all up before I go. Done it. Seven today. Eight. God, new high score. God, I'm terrible, aren't I? No. I love it that you're so... ...slovenly? Easy-going. I better go. But you are gonna get an extra-special massage later. Monogram-worthy. OK. Thanks again for calling in. Hey, the Rosabee products must get through. (CHUCKLES) I'll see you soon. You will. See you, Jen. Bye. ENGINE RUMBLES So it's back to business as usual, eh? Apparently. I tried to say sorry. I asked if we could pay the insurance excess or anything. He just wouldn't go there. He's` He's being so nice about it. Not nice enough to cancel the meeting today. This is going to be shit. I mean, it's bad enough that we have to pay for the damage to the car. I don't even care about that. It's the fact that we have to sit there and say sorry to Eugene. Say sorry to him. We have to be sorry. It makes sense. Your stepkid stole his car. He kissed my girlfriend. I should be punching him in the face, not greasing up to him, begging for his forgiveness in a 'family group conference'. So don't go. Nah. I have to. I can't leave Cara there by herself. In case Eugene tries it on again? He's not gonna try` His wife will be there. He means to support Cara and Jasmine. Just Cara. You'll be all right. I've had to take part in one of those family group conferences once. Oh, dude. Same. I was the victim. Oh. Neighbour's daughter, Roxy. She broke into my house and she peed in the washing basket. Oh, well. I peed in a washing basket once. Way back. Before Jesus showed me the way. To the toilet? Anyway, we did the conference thingy, and, Roxy, she read her apology out. Didn't hear her name again. That's good. Till she broke out of Arohata. See? (THUMPS TABLE) When they come out, they're cute enough. Then they grow up and turn bad. Betty and the old guy did me a favour. Probably. Hey. Don't have kids. I didn't have them. They came as a non-optional extra. Now, you got your notes, what you're gonna say, yeah? SCOOTER ENGINE RUMBLES Make sure you mean it. I do. Come here. It'll be OK. (GROANS) I saw Eugene today and, you know, he's a dad himself. He understands everyone makes mistakes, OK? Hey. Hey. So, yeah, I was thinking, instead of coming to the thing, I should go rescue Logan. From` From Julia? Did I say 'rescue'? I meant` He's fine. (CHUCKLES) And Julia wanted to mind him. Gives her something to do, you know? Yeah, but still, I mean, it's... He doesn't have come if he doesn't want to. Of course he does. Don't you, Dave? 'Course I do. Mum. Hi, again. Hello, Naomi. What just happened? They blanked you. Oh, it's probably protocol. You're probably not meant to talk to the victims. Why do we have to call them that? The whole thing was Rose's idea` OK, can we not go through this again? OK, I'm sorry. What's wrong? I think I'm gonna be sick. Nerves. Suppose I'm meant to feel bad about that too. Well, it might help if you did. No, seriously, it actually might help. It could be mistaken for remorse, like you're really sorry for stealing the car. I didn't steal it. It wasn't just me. (SIGHS) But... I am really sorry. I've been horrible, Dave. I hate myself. Hey. Are we ready? Where's Mrs Gray? She'll be back in a minute. Right. Well, if you could let her know the Russells are waiting. Say that ` what you just did, the trembly lip, everything ` and you'll walk, for sure. I'm getting Mum. Oh. F-... Furballs. Are you playing Trash Truck Smashdown? Why would I be doing that? It's what Dave's friend Azza does. And he's the same as you. He's got no job and he lives by himself. I don't have no job. I'm overqualified, actually. That's why I'm finding` Anyway. What would you rather do today? Go to the park, the cafe or the toy shop? All of them. Everywhere. Well, let's go, then. Hurry it up. (TAPS TABLE) Uh, so, I'm Oscar. I am the victim support counsellor, and I will be running the family group conference. I'm Cara, and I am Jasmine's mother. And you're here to...? To help her put things right. As best she can. Um, I'm Dave. I, um, I'm Cara's partner. So I'm here to support her. And Jasmine, I guess. I'm sorry for taking Mr Russell's car without his permission. Are we meant to be able to hear that? A little louder, OK, Jas? I'm sorry for taking Mr Russell's car without his permission. I knew it was wrong and I wish I'd never done it. I didn't think about the consequences, but I have now, and I am so sorry. I will never do anything like that again. < COUNSELLOR: Thank you, Jasmine. Very brave. All right, now I think it's time to hear from Mr and Mrs Russell. You did more than just steal a car that day. You violated our whole family. We welcomed you into our home. Abby looked up to you as a second big sister. She adored you. And what about Rose? She's completely devastated. You were meant to be her friend. She trusted you... (SCOFFS) and you just` But I` You took advantage. And I still haven't got my things back ` my favourite Trelise Cooper coat and my sunglasses. I don't know where they are. I didn't take them. Yes, you did. Mum. I didn't. I promise. < CARA: Look. It was Rose. Look, if Jasmine says she didn't take them, then maybe` So my daughter's a liar now? Of course not` Because I know who I'm gonna believe. I swear to you. Rose put on the coat and sunnies when she went to buy cigarettes. (SCOFFS) No, no. Stop this. No. I sw` I'm not going to listen to this bullshit. Oh, hey, Mr Russell. Have some guts instead of trying to drag my d` Don't you dare talk to her like that. COUNSELLOR: All right. How about we all just calm` > So much for the big apology. It's not worth the piece of paper that it's scribbled on. Hang on. You haven't even given Jasmine a chance to tell her` Pipe down, sonny. Leave it to the actual parents in the room to handle this. 1 CELL PHONE SNAPS PHOTO (CHUCKLES) (LAUGHS) Uncle Phil. Hey, over here. Hello, buddy. Hi, Julia. I was just passing. > Saw the two of you. Thought I'd say hello. Actually, I was thinking about you earlier today, Jules. Uh, those monogrammed towels we got as a wedding present. Hideous. What about them? Thanks for letting me have those in the divorce. > It was really good of you. TEACUP CLINKS You're welcome. Monogrammed towels and the VHS player. Well played. I, uh, heard about your job. Anything new on the horizon? Not yet. And are you OK about that? Why? If you need help, if you need... anything at all. Really. Help with the apartment. Whatever. I mean, you were never great at all that practical stuff. Well, I am now, which is just as well, since it's taken you this long to canter to the rescue. Mind you, you have been flat out. Logan, sweetie, could you grab me another serviette please? OK. Thanks. We are not those people anymore, Phillip. I don't even know what you're thinking, saying these things to me. I still care. If that were true, why did you go after her? My friend. And of all the women in Auckland. I didn't think. Jen behaving like that, I shouldn't be as surprised, you know, like most women, out for herself. But you... Look, I should probably... Probably. You take care of yourself, kiddo. See ya. Bye. I wish you didn't get a divorce. Eat your ice cream, honey. It's melting. We haven't asked a cent for car repairs or the insurance excess, which we could have. All we ask is that my wife's property is returned to her. How can I give back things I never took? It was Rose. Rose was at home all day. She was there when the police showed up. Because she ran away when she saw the police car. Why won't you believe me? Look, can I just say something? I have never had any trouble with Jasmine before this` Well, clearly you haven't been paying any attention. Excuse me? JASMINE: That's Rose's phone. And what does it tell us? All these photos are on it. PHOTOS RUSTLE This is Jasmine drinking. Jasmine hung-over. Jasmine passed out. Jasmine cutting up her sister's dress. And this one. A selfie of my 15-year-old daughter draped all over you. Exactly. She's been like that from the minute I met her. I'm sorry? Well, if that's evidence of anything, it's that she is a creep` How dare you? My daughter is 15 years old, and you're enjoying yourself. Oh my God. Excuse me? Are you kidding me? All right. I think we need to take things down a notch. No adult supervision at night. There rarely is in that house. Jasmine is out of control. NAOMI: And so is your sister. > She is still at school, and her boyfriend is living with her. What boyfriend? Liam is not Scarlett's boyfriend. He kind of is. What? (SCOFFS) What, you didn't know about that? > And the last time that loser was staying with you it was with Jasmine. Your girls are fighting over him. They are both little tramps. OK, that's enough. Excuse me? Nobody talks about our daughters like that. I call it how I see it. Jasmine is a kid. She has made a mistake, and she's here to put things right. And all you can do attack her and make her cry? You should be ashamed of yourself. And it's not like you're perfect either, are you, mate? You wanna talk about that? Well, I suppose no one here is perfect. But we would like our stuff back. That was awesome. Yeah, well, they still think I'm a liar. No one believed me about Rose. We do, sweetheart. But if we'd called for a show of hands, I reckon Oscar and the cop would've voted with us. I know, right? (CHUCKLES) Uh, Jas? You still did a bad thing. Eugene and Naomi have got a right to be pissed off. Yeah, but they didn't need to be arseholes. Dave? Mixed messages? It's OK, Mum. I get it. And I promise you, I am an angel from now on. Ooh. (CHUCKLES) Ugh. Thank God that's over. Oh, it wasn't so bad in the end. And the way Eugene carried on like that. Yeah, I know, right? Talking like that about Jas and Scar... 'Our daughters?' Did I say that? Mm. (CHUCKLES) I liked it. You were amazing. My hero. (CHUCKLES) Yeah, well. Kids, eh? They're not so bad. ROCK MUSIC MUSIC CONTINUES THUD! THUD! THUD! Man, it felt friggin' awesome taking that bastard down. Cos he tried to snog your missus? Yeah. No. Well... Actually... THUD! When he threw shade at me, I thought, 'Arsehole'. Yeah. THUD! But then, when he laid into Jas, it was` it was different. I felt... I felt this weird white anger. Like I wanted to... rip his face off. Yeah? KNOCK AT DOOR FOOTSTEPS RECEDE Hello. Uh, Betty was talking about needing the rest of her things. What rest of her things? Her pre-pregnancy clothes. She didn't bring them when she moved out. But she's getting nicely back into shape now so, uh, she really does need them. OK, well, if you could courier them over. Uh, on second thought, uh, forget it. I'll take her out shopping; buy her a whole new wardrobe. RELAXED MUSIC Not hungry. Who was at the door? No one. Pub? Sweet. Hi, Mum. Hey, sweetie. Hey. Did you have a good day? Yeah. We saw Uncle Phil. Did you? Where? In the cafe with Auntie Julia. He was passing. Came over and said hello. Then we went to the toy shop. I didn't go mad. Where's Jasmine? In her room, doing homework. Cool. Voluntarily doing homework. Seems like this is a bit of a turning point` TOY GUN EMITS SHOOTING SOUNDS Doosh! Sorry. You've probably been through enough today. Yep. Mm. JASMINE: I said... > THUD! > ...turn it off! Ow! > CRASH! SHOOTING SOUNDS CONTINUE Mum, Jasmine's being mean. Just... find something quiet to do. JEN: Hey! > DOOR SHUTS > Thought you might need this after today... Oh. Am I interrupting something? Um... (SIGHS) My bad. I should've called first. Yes, you should. I'll just go. No. I need to talk to you after today. Right, then. And you too. I need both of you. My sister and my best friend. Please, can we just... all have a drink together? Please? (EXHALES HEAVILY) Well, there's no need to grovel, Cara. And then I said, 'You should be ashamed of yourself.' And he was. I could tell. Bastard. By 'bastard', do you mean 'the victim of the crime that your stepdaughter committed'? He is no victim. He was loving it. Because he got to lay into Cara to punish her for rejecting him. (SMACKS TABLE) It's a reasonable theory. A lot of men don't like rejection. More. Same again? Just gimme... all of it. All the alcohol. You wanna talk about it, Az? All the alcohol. So is it over, then? Between, um, Cara and the sleaze? It was never not over. Cara wasn't ever interested in Eugene. Nah, I mean the business deal, mate. Yeah, I guess. Shit, yeah. First chance Cara gets, she is gonna tell that arsehole right where to shove it. Ha. < JEN: So are we telling the bastard where to shove it? Oh, I really want to. More than anything. But we can't. You sold your souls to him. And if we walk away, we'll lose everything ` our client list, our name, all the gear that we paid for. Just like in a divorce. One party is always worse off than the other. I might go to the loo. Am I really that intimidating? Hey, you know you are. (SIGHS) But thank you for doing this. I really appreciate it. You could buy him out, you know. The bastard. With what? Has she sold her house yet? Apparently Bianca-Faye's money's still tied up in a term deposit so we have to wait and` (SCOFFS) Excuses. She could just sell it to someone else. Whatever. I'm not going to ask her to invest her life savings into a new spa. Why not? She burnt down the old one. Julia, just` What, she promised you, didn't she? CELL PHONE VIBRATES Oh shit. Oh. Oh shit. CELL PHONE CONTINUES VIBRATING (SIGHS) More wine, anyone? Julia. < I'm leaving. < No. Please don't. No. No, no, don't. Let me. I'll go. It's only right. And since when do you give a crap about doing what's right? I am really sorry, Julia. I truly, seriously am. (SCOFFS) Don't try this again. If you wanna see the both of us ` your sister and your best friend ` see us separately. 1 Looking for this? Thanks. Look, I'll tell her to go. You stay. No, I don't want that. Look, I'll just see you later. But just watch her, Cara. You can't trust her. You really can't. What's with her? She's, um... Is it true about you and Liam? I know you guys were LARPing together, but... is there more? Mother, no. It explains why Jasmine trashed your dress. Jasmine trashed my dress because she's a psycho. She is not a psycho. Jealousy does funny things to people. So,... what is happening with Liam? Hmm? Are you...? I mean... h-have` have you...? It's seriously` It's no big deal. I plan to leave the country soon. To the student exchange you haven't been accepted for yet? I will get in. OK, look, you don't know that, sweetie. These things are very competitive. Princess Samara has consulted the oracle. The omens say she's about to embark on an epic journey. I embrace that. And I reject your negativity. Aren't you gonna ask what happened with Jasmine? I hope she got what she deserved. Scar! Pizza's here. I feel so sick about my stupid phone. Why did I leave it sitting there? Yeah, that photo of you and Phil was pretty full on. Come on, you guys. Julia was never meant to see it. And you guys look so couply. I mean, she's struggling to believe he's even gone there. With me. With anyone. But especially with me. Yay. Help yourselves. Yum. Hi. (SIGHS) (EXHALES HEAVILY) He bought me a present today. Monogrammed towels. (CHUCKLES) I'm sorry? J and P. They are truly, truly hideous. It's so sweet. Mm. God, I thought Phil had more taste. (CHUCKLES DRILY) I know it's naff, but it's definitely a statement, right? Like he's expecting us to stay together? I guess. I really want it to work out, Cara. I truly thought that Julia was over him. I didn't wanna hurt her. (SIGHS) Don't worry about Julia. She'll be OK. Mm. One Pinot Gris, one cosmopolitan, one vodka ` neat. Uh, you want those now? Or do you want me to wait till your friends get here? What friends? You want a lift home, mate? Nah, I haven't drunk the bar dry yet. (SIGHS) Have one with me? Can't. Gotta get home and celebrate with the missus. Seeing as I'm Cara's hero and that. Enjoy it while you can, bro. Everything turns to dust sooner or later. DANCE MUSIC PLAYS Az. You could always get off your arse and do something, you know. Tell Betty you want her back. That you want to be a dad. Nah. (SIGHS) Cos it turns out it does have its good points. (LAUGHS) Hey. Hey, super stepdad. Ooh. You heard. Cara said you were amazing. Oh yeah, but, you know, um,... sorry about the business and all that. Oh, we'll cope. Mm. We have just decided that we're gonna pretend that Eugene isn't even there. (CHUCKLES) And it's not like he's gonna come in much, anyway. There's no need for him to. (GASPS) I've got an idea. We can give Eugene a codename and then say mean things about him right there and he won't even know. (LAUGHS) Hold on, what? My cousins used to do that to me. RELAXED MUSIC We still have to keep working with Eugene, Dave. But that` That's not how it works. I know. > In an ideal world, the villain would be vanquished and never come back. But this is real life. And there's a legally binding contract involved. Bloody hell. How can you? After the things he said to Jas. And to you. Hey. Dave. We have no choice. Bullshit. Hey, guys, I might go. Mm. And, um, I'll take these out to the wheelie bin. Bye, Jen. Bye. Not after today. I don't want that guy anywhere near you. < DOOR SHUTS If I walk away, he wins. He will get everything that Jen and I have` have worked for. Who cares? I do. Like it or not, I have to be mature. And professional. I'd love your support in that. < Mum? I got it. I got accepted. Accepted for what? The student exchange. I just got the email. Awesome, dude. You're leaving the country? But... Ireland for a whole year. (CHUCKLES) Yes! Can I get her room? But Ireland's on the other side of the world. You knew that. You helped me apply. Yeah, well I didn't think you were gonna get it. Cara. Why wouldn't I get in? Because I'm a freak? Uh-huh. Jasmine. No, no. You're not a freak. (STAMMERS) But... all that stuff you wrote down on your form. 1014 was a big year. People care abut the Battle of Clontarf and High King Brian. It's not just me. Obviously. But... You're also very young. She's 17. Yeah, um, I-I know, sweetheart. Yeah. Are you saying you don't want me to go? Of course I don't want you to go. Cara! Oh, I'm being honest. I want you to go. Fine. I'll stay here in these two little islands in the bottom of the world where I fit in so, so well. Hey. I hadn't finished. There's a difference between not wanting to let you go and` DOOR SLAMS I am so getting her room. Not fair. < DOOR SHUTS < DOOR SHUTS What next, Dave? Hey. Some service here. Same again. RELAXED MUSIC PLAYS Who was first? Me. (SCOFFS) What a gentleman (!) You're Cara's sister. I was first, as a matter of fact. So... You're Phil's ex. You rooted him. Well, we were married. So, yes. No. The other guy. Warren? No. Ryan? No. Michael. Frickin' Michael. Wait, are you the...? > Are you the one with the baby and the girl ` what's her handle? Betty. I don't have her baby anymore. Michael's stolen them both. He's what? Fact: Betty's marrying her boss. Michael? Why? Cos he asked. He's got a nice house and a coffee machine. He wanted a baby, and Betty's having one. So... (CHOKES) (COUGHS) > You OK? (CHUCKLES) Unbelievable. Yeah. Oh, I get it. I was happily married before he came along. I was happily... happy until he came along. It's not right. It's just not right. Betty wants what Michael's got. Nothing I can do. Oh, no, no, no, no. Yes, there is. You know what you need? (SNIFFS) You need revenge. Revenge? Mm. Like go round and egg the guy's house? (SCOFFS) No. No. Think bigger, Ezra. Bigger. 1 You could come over and work in a bar. I can't. What about Moses? Oh yeah. I'll miss you, babe. Call me 'babe' again and I'll cut out your tongue. Oi. You wanna see your kid or not? Yeah, hold on. And that freak's not coming. Don't want her trying to be his stepmum or anything. See you soon. What's going on there? His kid. His ex-girlfriend only allows him to have supervised visits with it. That... sounds like a lot to deal with at his age. There may be a custody battle. Not the kind of battle you're usually involved with. And he's all sad about me going away. (SCOFFS) What a bastard (!) People only react that way because they love you, Scar. (SIGHS) No, you don't. I'm saying this, and you're listening. I love you. And of course I don't want you to go away for a whole year. But I know you're going to take on the world. If Chronos doesn't mess with me. Who? The personification of time. Often depicted as a three-headed serpent. You are amazing. And clever. (SNIFFLES) And I am so proud of you. So you go to the other side of the world and you ` you be brilliant. MELANCHOLY MUSIC Thank you. KEYS JINGLE Hey, what's the matter? < DOOR SHUTS Is this because you have to go to work with Eugene? (SCOFFS) I wouldn't cry about that. (EXHALES HEAVILY) Don't ever have kids, Dave. OK? They will break you heart in a million different ways. God, what a terrible thing to say. (CHUCKLES) It's OK, I get it. (CHUCKLES) And I won't. Yours are more than enough. (CHUCKLES) Oh, tell me about it. (CHUCKLES) OK. OK. You want me to come to the spa with you? Uh-uh. Nah. Jen and I ` we've got this. Cool, calm and professional. Sorry, sorry. On my way. He's here. Eugene? Yeah, I just got here, and his car's in the car park. Bastard. Where are you? SINGSONGY: Running out the door. LOUD SNORING (SNORES) CELL PHONE RINGS, VIBRATES Julia Deering. Hey, it's Azza. Who? Dave's mate from the bar. So what's the plan? Mm? For taking down the prick that stole my girl and my baby. You said you were gonna come up with a plan. I what? Oh, just booze talk, eh? Understood. I beg your pardon. I was not pissed. I remember every word. So we're on, then? UPBEAT MUSIC Julia. Michael. I heard you're engaged. Is it true? Yes. Why? (CHUCKLES) OK. This might be unexpected, but... To be honest, I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Really? That's, uh, flattering. You're too late, of course. (CHUCKLES) No, I know. I just wanted to come over and say that I'm pleased for you. You know? That it's all worked out. Well, uh,... Appreciated. Thanks. She must be quite a woman, your new fiancee. She is. Would you like to come meet her? I would love that. Not sure if you two know each other... (COOS) I don't believe so. Julia, this is Betty. Betty, Julia. Hi. Congratulations. And who's this little person? His name's Hadlee. He's very cute. (CHUCKLES) Yeah, he takes after his father, which really pisses me off. She's not talking about me. I'm not actually Hadlee's biological parent. No? His birth father abandoned Betty. Useless piece of bog paper. Mm. But it's OK, cause little Hadlee's got me now. So you don't miss him at all? Biological Dad? (CRIES) What's that got to do with anything? You need a hand with him, darling? No, thanks. Ready-made family, Michael. Who would've thought? I'm very lucky. Mm. Aren't you just? DOOR CREAKS Oh. (SNIFFS) Oh my God. Just one thing, Jules. There was this other chick. Before you. She tried to help me too. Kinda made the situation worse. How is that possible? She couldn't keep her hands off me. Was she blind? (CHUCKLES) See? You make a little joke, next thing... I don't want history repeating itself. Betty thinks you're a moron. You know that, don't you? Did she say that? She called you, and I quote, 'a useless piece of bog paper'. (CHUCKLES) Why are you smiling? It's like she was right here in the room. She's not talking to him like that, is she? Michael? No. Not banging him, then. Sweet. You need to get your act together. I know Michael. She might not be sleeping with him now, but he can be quite seductive. My point is, he's got her and Hadlee. And, as they say, possess` Wait. Who? The baby. She named him Hadlee? I know. What kind of name is that? It's my name. The name I chose. Ah. After Richard Hadlee, the cricketer. This is a sign. She wants me back. They've set a date. They're getting married in 10 days. Like hell they are. Now that's the attitude I'm looking for. DOOR SHUTS > Where is he? He's shut inside his office. Haven't seen him yet. How was Dave this morning? Mm. He's OK. He gets it. Sort of. (SIGHS) We need to be normal. Yeah, 'course. (CLEARS THROAT) Um,... (CLEARS THROAT) we're still doing the l-loyalty programme? Good question. I think we should. Well, we have some people almost at the free gift card stage. So we should at least honour` Well, yeah. DOOR SHUTS > Hiya. My dad's expecting me. Oh. Hello, Rosebud. Help yourself. Thanks, Daddy. She needs some cuticle cream. She could probably do with a manicure. Seriously? Actually, I don't think we've got time. Yeah, there's not. I-It'll take us 20 minutes to get there. All right. We have an interview at St Agatha's. Oh. < DOOR SHUTS It's a private school. She'll get in. Costs a fortune. But what price a child's innocence, eh? So, um,... (CLEARS THROAT) Jen and I were just saying, um, we used to have a loyalty card which we` I only wish we'd put her somewhere decent sooner. (SCOFFS) (THUMPS DESK) To keep her away from Jasmine, you mean. Well, I did sense they were a bad match. Oh, did you? Rose is a sweet, naive girl who was out of depth with your daughter. That is crap. I'm gonna go. Before you say something you regret. Rose is a little liar. But you know what? It's not her fault. Look who raised her. (CHUCKLES) Really? You're a smug, self-satisfied little prat. You're judgmental and pompous and you can't even see what's right in front of your face. You finished? Yes. We are finished. We're done here. I'd rather have nothing. So you ` you can shove that partnership right up your condescending, hypocritical arse. Yeah! (WHOOPS) TENSE MUSIC Oh my God. We're so screwed. Yep. 1 I don't know what we're celebrating. Your magnificence. So much for being cool, calm and professional. It's overrated. Enough's enough, Bianca-Faye. You said you wanted to buy my half of the house, then bloody well buy it. I mean it. No more Mrs Nice Guy. If you don't have a reasonable offer for me by the end of the week, then I'm selling to someone else. OK. What do you mean 'OK'? Meet me on Friday, and I will have your money. UPBEAT MUSIC He'll take it. And all the other things. Very good. You know what that guy thinks, eh? Well, he's wrong. Yes, I am paying for all this. And I don't deny I am quite enjoying myself. But you will be paying me back. How? With money, of course. As soon as you get your job. I'm getting a job? No excuses. No stalling. I'm getting the money. That's awesome, honey. HIGH PITCHED: Yeah. (CHUCKLES) Cara, we're back in business ` start again without some man thinking he has to prop us up. Awesome. You see? There is such a thing as a happy ending. (CHUCKLES) Hey. Yeah, we ditched Eugene. So you said in your message. So I'm selling my half of Dylan's house and spending it all on a new spa business! Whoa, hey. Jen, slow down. You can't just` I promised that I would, and I meant it. But it's your investment; your house. It's sweet. I can stay with you for a little bit longer, right? And... (CHUCKLES) he got us monogrammed towels. What are we supposed to do? Keep one at each house? Look. Yes, I love the idea. But just... Exactly. It might not be a reasonable offer. Well, then I'll sell to someone else. CELL PHONE RINGS It's Julia. What does she want? I've been thinking about your apology last night. I-I meant it. Truly. Every word. I'm sure you did. So, I need a mani-pedi. Are you free? Do you want me to come round to your place? Now, preferably. On my way. And there'll be no charge, obviously. See you soon. She's on her way. Are you sure I shouldn't have a go at these with a scrubbing brush first? Absolutely not. I know you do men or I wouldn't have asked. It's fine. I've seen worse. Really? Sucks to be you. OK. (CLEARS THROAT) What was Azza doing at Julia's? No idea. Having years of neglect scraped from between his toes. By me. Isn't it obvious? Julia's pulling a Cara. Excuse me? Oh, I mean a cougar. JEN: With Azza? > PHILLIP: No. Too silly. She did it for revenge. Do you think? Of course she did. (CHUCKLES) Hey. Well, now that Julia's had her revenge ` complete with bunions and calluses ` maybe you and her can become friends again. Then everything will be right in my world. Aw. Mm. SOLEMN MUSIC Hmm. Worth every cent. Definitely. Can I borrow your car? What for? So I can go round and see Betty. All this, a new ride ` she'll be begging for it. And who could blame her? Yeah. But no. Take it all off. Not like that. Spare room. Hang it in the wardrobe. Then what? Get dressed, go home and let me think. Making you over was easy. Now I have a wedding to derail. SOLEMN MUSIC CONTINUES J-Jen, I... I have to tell you the truth. OK. The towels with the monograms? Aw, they're so cute. (CHUCKLES) No. They're not cute. They're hideous. What? And they were also a wedding gift for Julia and I. I found them in a box of stuff she sent over when we split. I would've chucked them, but then we ran out. So... Oh. (SPLUTTERS) Oh, shit. Are you OK? Are you crying? MUFFLED: Oh, thank God. Are you laughing? They are hideous. (CHUCKLES) And I thought you had done them for us. You're totally OK with this? Of course I am. I mean, some women would be jealous. Old wedding gifts, reminders of someone's past. Sweetie, it's not as if I didn't know you were married to Julia. No. But you can throw the towels out now. GOLDENHORSE'S 'MAYBE TOMORROW PLAYS' # There's a story I know. # We all leave and let go. # There is nothing to hold us. # In a moment of time, # when the fruit becomes wine # and the thought becomes the memory. # All your` RADIO: # ...sorrow. # Maybe tomorrow... # (TURNS RADIO OFF) So, who wants pancakes? Me! You never make pancakes. Well, I am today. Cos she has time, being unemployed. Thanks to you. OK, it's not Jasmine's fault. Yes, it is. She's a criminal. I am not. Scarlett. Are! Not. Stop fighting! Mummm! (GROANS) Oh, boxer blowout. Boosh! Don't you hate that? SCARLETT: Ew. Gross. (SIGHS) Oh, what's this? You know, you guys can take the rubbish out. Boof! You know, I used to blast this in the car when you were in your booster seats, remember? GOLDENHORSE'S 'MAYBE TOMORROW' PLAYS BOTTLES CLINK You can recycle the top half of pizza boxes. (SIGHS) Who doesn't know that? GOLDENHORSE'S 'MAYBE TOMORROW' PLAYS Oh no. He's thinking, 'What have I got myself into?' (CHUCKLES) It's all good, babe. I'm up for anything. # All of your sorrow, # maybe tomorrow # will fade away in the air. # Trying to please me, # making it easy, # it won't be there, # it won't be there # in your life. # In your life. # Captions by Shrutika Gunanayagam. Edited by June Yeow. www.able.co.nz. Captions were made possible with funding from NZ On Air.