So, am I the first woman that you've ever, like, you know, in a toilet? So, am I the first woman that you've ever, like, you know, in a toilet? Yes. (INHALES) No. So, am I the first woman that you've ever, like, you know, in a toilet? This house is adorable. Golden real estate rule, Anna ` never fall in love with your listing. How much do you think you'd want for a deposit? How much do you think you'd want for a deposit? 40 grand? You still don't say anything to Mum, all right? You still don't say anything to Mum, all right? Shh. Morning, my love. How'd you sleep? Morning, my love. How'd you sleep? Any reason you're using lip liner on your eyes, Mum? Morning, my love. How'd you sleep? Lip liner? I'm sure this was the pencil Sandi used. Your product has been tested on the tiny lips of little baby animals. Oh God, Bella. Save me the lecture. Besides, what are those little bunnies gonna be doing anyway? Living productive lives (?) CHAINSAW REVS CHAINSAW REVS Oh God! Ow! Ow! Oh no. Ugh. It's called karma, Mum. # Big, bright morning. # Somewhere else is calling. # Somewhere new is waiting. # Happy to be going, # pack my bags and be above the clouds. # Is there any reason you've come as a pirate? Oh, uh, no. Uh, ju-just a small optical accident. Nothing to worry about. Just a stabbed retina. You should accessorise. Get a parrot. I don't think you'd fit on her shoulder. Just saying. I don't think you'd fit on her shoulder. Just saying. All right. Let's cut the chatter. Anna? her shoulder. Just saying. Anna? Anna? Mm-hm? Anna? Mm-hm? For your listing, any movement? Anna? Mm-hm? Sort of. Sort of? Well, I'm on it. On, um, all over it. I'm across it. Surely you must have had offers? You're not still fantasising about buying it yourself, are you? You're not still fantasising about buying it yourself, are you? (GIGGLES) No. Of course not. You know what I said about agents trying to buy their own listing? You know what I said about agents trying to buy their own listing? Oh yeah. It's a recipe for disaster. You know what I said about agents trying to buy their own listing? an-and I take your point. Now, promise me you won't be that stupid. Well, say it. Well, say it. No. Promise. Well, say it. On my mother's grave. Promise. On my mother's grave. Much as I'd love this charade to go on forever, I've got houses to sell. Leon, wait! I need to ask you something. Make it snappy. Make it snappy. Oh! Um... Leon, if` if I did want to buy my own listing` Then that makes you a low-down dirty liar. Respect. Can I do it? Is it ethical? Can I do it? Is it ethical? Who cares? It's legal. One out of two ain't bad. OK. OK, then I need you to help me. OK. OK, then I need you to help me. What am I? A charity? What's in it for me? OK. OK, then I need you to help me. (CHUCKLES) Anything you want. You know, I've been thinking about taking on a protege for a while now. You know, I've been thinking about taking on a protege for a while now. Who? Me? You know, I've been thinking about taking on a protege for a while now. market, I'll be able to retire soon, and once I've fleeced all the sheep, who will be left to carry my torch? Oh, but I can be quite clumsy, Leon. I might drop your torch. Oh, but I can be quite clumsy, Leon. I might drop your torch. Oh, get hard, Kingston. Do you want that house or do you want to live with Neil and Janet? Do you want that house or do you want to live with Neil and Janet? Jeanette. Jeanette. Do you want that house or do you want to live with Neil and Janet? Be my grasshopper, and I'll teach you everything you need to know. So you want me to be your...? So you want me to be your...? Well, think of me as your very own Simon Cowell. (CHUCKLES) Which makes you the Susan Boyle of real estate. (CHUCKLES) Which makes you the Susan Boyle of real estate. (CHUCKLES) Oh my God. Oh, she is amazing. OK. OK, I'm in. OK. OK, I'm in. Mm. All right. Don't you want to see the cottage? OK. OK, I'm in. Don't you want to see the cottage? Don't you want to see the cottage? All in good time. You have errands to run first. REFLECTIVE MUSIC Oh! (GASPS) Oh! (GASPS) Watch out, lady. Are you blind? Hey, it's you. > Yeah, um, Anna from the... from the workshop. Yeah, um, Anna from the... from the workshop. (CHUCKLES) Of course. Wow. (RINGS BICYCLE BELL) Unforgettable Anna. Wow. (RINGS BICYCLE BELL) Unforgettable Anna. Yeah, it was. Wow. Hey. Hey. Mm-hm? Hey. Mm-hm? You wanna get some dinner? What? With me? With me? Yeah, with you. With me? Yeah, with you. OK. With me? Tonight has a lovely ring to it. I'll meet you there. Thank you very much. Bye. I've got two new listings in Sandringham I want to take you to, > which I'm sure we can flick by Friday if you lose the eyewear. Oh, I-I just need to check with Leon. No. Kingston is a little tied up today. Aren't you, Anna? No. Kingston is a little tied up today. Aren't you, Anna? < I did say I'd go with him. Why? Why? Tell her. Why? Leon's my mentor. Leon's my mentor. Your what? It's not that you haven't been so inspirational with all the personal grooming and` And this is what I get for it? Actually, on personal grooming, I was wondering if you could recommend someone who could, um, uh... Waxing?! You've got a hairy cheek, and you are sick for giving her hope. If I could just grab a name? If I could just grab a name? Nope! And don't you tell her either. She is persona non grata to me and all of my people. Psst. For two weeks' Noodle Bar lunch, I can get you a number. It's not where Mum goes, but you can't afford her place. Have you ordered the fake grass to cover the bog at Bildmore Place? Have you ordered the fake grass to cover the bog at Bildmore Place? Yes, yes. Today for a wax. Have you ordered the fake grass to cover the bog at Bildmore Place? Make it a double appointment. Make it a double appointment. I'm sor` I'm sorry. What? She wants to know if I want a vajazzle. She wants to know if I want a vajazzle. Oh, no, you don't. Oh, no, I don't. Take that, you smug... Take that, you smug... Leon! Take that, you smug... Leon! ...arsehole! Leon, you can't do that! Leon! Leon, you can't do that! CELL PHONE RINGS Leon, you can't do that! CELL PHONE RINGS Leon! Stop! Hey, finish that off for me, would you? Hey, finish that off for me, would you? What? Hey, finish that off for me, would you? Leon Cruickshank. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. THUD! THUD! Yeah, why not? (CHUCKLES) THUD! Yeah, why not? (CHUCKLES) THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD! Don't you just love it? Yeah, if you nuke the shit out of it and whack up some townhouses. Yeah, if you nuke the shit out of it and whack up some townhouses. Leon. Leon, I could never do that. Oh, open your eye. Open your eye! Oh, open your eye. Open your eye! No! Get o` Ow! Ow! Six rooms apiece in the Grammar Zone. Hello, Taiwan. Ka-ching, Kingston. (SCOFFS) It's a shack. An airy-fairy den of oestrogen with some retro cushions and... (CHUCKLES) tatty old china. Yeah, but Liz wants to sell it to someone who loves it, and I... I really love it. I can't believe people still do this. (CHUCKLES) I can't believe people still do this. (CHUCKLES) So... how do I do this legally? Well, you fill out a Form 2 and get an independent valuation. Here. Use, um.... (CHUCKLES) Use this guy. He's a real lowballer. And it wouldn't hurt to whack in a bad offer from a fake buyer to stop her going to auction. Fake buyer? Isn't that, um...? Fake buyer? Isn't that, um...? Yes, it's lying. I didn't think you had a problem with that. (CHUCKLES) Fake buyer? Isn't that, um...? Uh, you want to make an offer on th-the cottage? (INHALES) Uh, well, yes, yes. There is already an offer, and I can tell you, it's a very good one. No, I can't tell you that because that would be unethical of me, but what I can say is that you would need to come up a long way. Otherwise you'd be wasting your time. Yeah, I'm sorry. OK, goodbye. You said there wasn't an offer. You said there wasn't an offer. Oh, there wasn't, but there is one now. You said there wasn't an offer. Where is it? Where's the purchaser's name? Where is it? Where's the purchaser's name? Where's the purchaser's name? I was just getting around to that. (CLEARS THROAT) (CHUCKLES) It's you, isn't it? It's you, isn't it? Leon said it was legal. But you're broke. It's you, isn't it? But you're broke. But you're broke. No, I'm not. I've got the deposit. But you're broke. No, I'm not. I've got the deposit. How will you get the rest? But you're broke. No, I'm not. I've got the deposit. It's coming from a very, uh, reputable source. It's coming from a very, uh, reputable source. Look, don't do it. You're putting your neck in a noose, woman. You're putting your neck in a noose, woman. Clint, it's my neck. (CHUCKLES) You're putting your neck in a noose, woman. And I can do with it what I want. (SIGHS) Well, congratulations. You have an offer. I know you want it to happen quickly, and it certainly has. This is from you? Mm-hm. And I've never done this in all my... my many, many years in real estate. And, uh, I just... (SIGHS) love this house. Uh, then what's with the crap offer? Uh, then what's with the crap offer? I wouldn't say it's crap. Uh, then what's with the crap offer? I wouldn't say it's crap. Well, it's barely over GV. Well, I'll supply an independent valuation, of course. Well, I'll supply an independent valuation, of course. And it's conditional on finance? Well, it has to be, doesn't it? valuation, of course. Well, it has to be, doesn't it? Well, it has to be, doesn't it? No. Lots of buyers have pre-approved finance, Anna. (SIGHS, INHALES) Look, I don't wanna wait. I... I need a buyer who's ready now. Ready now. Still not wild about the price. Still not wild about the price. Well, I'll leave it with you. Wait for the valuation to come through, and then you can decide. I, um... I really really want you to be happy, Liz. I really do. (CHUCKLES) I don't drink. You take it. You take it. Really? Oh gosh. You sure? I hope I've got something to celebrate. Hello. Hello, uh, Paulina, is it? Uh, you are taking your pant off. Uh, you are taking your pant off. Oh, pants off. OK. Um, I've, uh... I've never had a Brazilian before. (CLEARS THROAT) No. No. Uh, you sit like dog. No. No. Uh, you sit like dog. Oh, I'm sorry. Pardon me? Listen to me. Get on your knees, uh, like dog. Listen to me. Get on your knees, uh, like dog. Oh, OK. Um, is a bikini line cheaper? Because I-I don't really think that I need` Oh, you need. You need. I need. Gosh. Wow, that looks really hot. Oh, no, no. You` You no talk. Time for Paulina to make the art on your beautiful. RIP! CELL PHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES WHISPERS: Uh, Paulina? Paulina! I need to take that phone` RIP! RIP! (GASPS) CELL PHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES Anna speaking. Oh no. It's fine. Now is a really good time to talk. I'm amazed that you got it done so... s-so quickly. RIP! RIP! HOARSELY: Oh, that's great. That's great. That supports my offer. I wonder if you could email it to... I wonder if you could email it to... RIP! I wonder if you could email it to... RIP! ...t-to me, an-and I'll deliver it to my client. an-and I'll deliver it to my client. RIP! an-and I'll deliver it to my client. RIP! (GASPS) Liz? Liz, hello. Hi. I've, uh, got the valuation. Maybe, um, maybe yo-you could look at it later when you're sitting down? What?! You're kidding? What?! You're kidding? I know. It's a little bit low. Uh, like, through the floor. Uh, like, through the floor. Uh, yeah. Yeah. A little bit. But what is the point in... in... in inflating the expectation, you know? I mean, we have to meet the market. I mean, we have to meet the market. (SIGHS) This isn't the market. Yes, but this is someone who knows the market. Right? Better than you or I. I mean, how many houses have you valued? None, but` None, but` Ah! Exactly, and this guy is, like, valuing houses all day long. Value, value, value. So if he comes up with a figure like this, I really think we need to respect it and keep our eyes on the prize ` which is the sale, right? You know, th-that's the dream. Remember the dream, Liz. Just... Ju-Just stay... stay with the dream. What were you thinking? What were you thinking? I was thinking it was about time. Oh! And I'm going on a date. You? You? Yes, me. Don't look so surprised. Where? Where? We're gonna go and get some pizza. Can you...? You know that black dress that I bought for Charlie that she never wore? Can you go and get that? She never wore cos it's way too short. Mm. Mm. Go get me that one. I need all the help I can get. ROCK MUSIC PLAYS GERMAN ACCENT: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hot mama. Super lecker. Here you go, lovely Anna. Here you go, lovely Anna. Oh. Here you go, lovely Anna. Oh. (CHUCKLES) Whoa. (CHUCKLES) I really don't think I should be here. I really don't think I should be here. Why not? Don't you like pizza? I really don't think I should be here. than everybody else here, you know? Get outta here. Hey, age is a state of mind. (CHUCKLES) Only young people say that. Anna, you're gorgeous. Relax. Look at me. Look, OK? Gorgeous. Yes. And you got a... you got a bung eye, but who cares? No, you carry it off. It's kind of sexy. I'm happy to be here with you. Is that wrong? Eh? You're not ageist, are you, Anna? OK, you're no spring chicken, and I'm not some rich guy who drives a flash car. A lot of women wouldn't look at me twice. Does that bother you? Bother you, Anna? No. BOTH CHUCKLE Kingston! Kingston! Kingston! Kingston! Oh. (CHUCKLES) (SIGHS) Leon. Agnetha, Frida. This is my protege, Kingston! Wel-Welcome to NZ. What are you doing here? What are you doing here? Well, I think as your mentor and, well, What are you doing here? I should be asking you that question. I should be asking you that question. Actually, I'm on a date. With a man-child? Shall I tell this guy to rack off? Shall I tell this guy to rack off? You're a fast learner, Kingston. One day under my guidance and you're already shagging someone half your age. and you're already shagging someone half your age. And buying houses. Buying a house. and you're already shagging someone half your age. You made an offer? Mm-hm, and I made it unconditional. Mm-hm, and I made it unconditional. (CHUCKLES) Way to go, Kingston. Go hard or go home. Let's go home. What a wanker. What a wanker. He's a very mean man. (CHUCKLES) (GASPS) (MOANS SOFTLY) (MOANS) (PANTS) I... I-I... I should go. I should go. I should go. Bye-bye. Mmm. (SIGHS) You know what? I'd invite you back to my place, but I've got this guy from the UK on my couch. Oh, yeah, and I-I'm at a temporary place at the moment while I do some renovations and, you know, I've got a friend staying. Oh. Who? Oh. Who? My daughter. Oh. Who? Oh. Who? (CLEARS THROAT) OK. OK. All right. OK. So this is goodnight? Yes. Goodnight. Goodnight, Rory. Yes. Goodnight. Goodnight, Rory. Goodnight. BOTH GROAN PASSIONATELY Oh yeah. (GRUNTS) Oh yeah. (GRUNTS) Oh. (MOANS) Oh yeah. (GRUNTS) Oh. (MOANS) Hey, listen. I want you on top. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea. Yeah, get on top. Come on. SIGHS: Oh. Oh mama. SIGHS: Oh. Oh mama. GASPS: Oh. Uh... SIGHS: Oh. Oh mama. GASPS: Oh. Uh... Oh wow. Ooh. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Oh yeah. Ah! God. Oh my God! Anna! Hey, I wanna see your eyes. Anna! Hey, I wanna see your eyes. No, no. How about my chin? I don't care about your chin. Anna! Hey, I wanna see your eyes. I don't care about your chin. I don't care about your chin. What about my cheeks? I don't care about your chin. What about my cheeks? Come on. You're gorgeous, Anna. Look at my eyes. Look at my eyes. No, I'm sorry. Whoa. Anna! Whoa. Anna! (GASPS) (PANTS) Anna, are you OK? Whoa. Anna! (PANTS) Anna, are you OK? (PANTS) Anna, are you OK? Mm-hm. (PANTS) Anna, are you OK? Mm-hm. (CHUCKLES MISCHIEVOUSLY) Now,... (BREATHES DEEPLY) if you haven't broken your neck or anything, shall we carry on? Um... Um... Yeah, yeah? Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. OK. (CHUCKLES) (LAUGHS) KNOCK ON DOOR > KNOCK ON DOOR > Anna, are you all right? > KNOCK ON DOOR > I'm fine, Mum. I'm fine. I'm fine, Mum. I'm fine. Hey, what are you doing? DOOR OPENS I heard a crash, like something falling. No, I didn't fall. Is somebody with you? Is somebody with you? No, no. Is somebody with you? No, no. Don't lie to me, Anna. I want to speak to you in the other room. What was that about? What was that about? WHISPERS: She's, uh, she's my landlady. But you called her Mum. But you called her Mum. She thinks she's my mum. She's a wee bit demented. But you called her Mum. I'll go deal with it. Mum? Mum, don't ever do that again. Mum? Mum, don't ever do that again. I could say the same. What a shameless performance. Mum? Mum, don't ever do that again. It's normal. People do it. Mum, it's called sex. It's normal. People do it. Mum, it's called sex. It's normal. People do it. I don't care what people do. What's going on? It's normal. People do it. What's going on? What's going on? You heard it ` banging and shuffling. What's going on? I thought that was just a possum in the walls. If you were to carry on like that, you get your own house. I will. I will. You can do it as much as you like. I will. I will. I will. But while you're under this roof, I would appreciate some decorum. Well, you will be pleased to know I won't be under this roof for much longer. Oh? Where are you going to live? Oh? Where are you going to live? < In a house. You haven't got a house. You haven't got a house. Yes, I do. I've bought one. You haven't got a house. With what? With what? With... money. (SNIGGERS) You don't have any money. (SNIGGERS) You don't have any money. Yes, I do. I borrowed some. And so you won't have to listen to my sex life any more, and I won't have to put up with your poisonous, joy-sapping, judgemental judgements! Who in their right mind would lend you money? Who in their right mind would lend you money? Me. WHISPERS: No. (GASPS) That's... our nest egg. Well, we weren't using it, and I just thought` Oh, come on, Mum. I'll pay you back. Oh, come on, Mum. I'll pay you back. With what? Oh, come on, Mum. I'll pay you back. With what? I'm sorry. Oh, come on, Mum. I'll pay you back. No, no, no. Don't you apologise. It's her. She's to blame. You twist your father around your little finger; take advantage of his kind heart. You know what? I don't have to listen to this. You know, I-I have listened to this my entire life, and I don't have to listen to it any more. CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! BRAKES SQUEAL I want a word with you. I want a word with you. Mum, I` No, no, no, no. You've had your say. This is my turn. You get our money back right now, no excuses. Or what? Or what? Or I will never speak to you again. BIRDS SING (SIGHS) (INHALES) Hello, Liz. It's Anna Kingston speaking. Could you give me a call back? It's terribly urgent. Thank you. By` By- Bye-bye. (STARTS ENGINE) There's someone here for you. There's someone here for you. What? Oh, Liz. Hi. You, uh, you got my message? Hi. You, uh, you got my message? I did. A message from the universe. Uh, what? Uh, what? I wanted a quick settlement, and I got one. So why question it? Yeah, but y-you could do so much better. Yeah, but y-you could do so much better. I could, but do I need to? No, but you deserve to. You-You have to. That's one way of looking at it. But the other way is, 'What's money?' I mean, does it keep you warm at night? Does it love you like you've never been loved before? Uh, uh, I'm sure it helps. (CHUCKLES) Ultimately, I've got everything I need. So why am I putting up barriers to happiness? I've got an unconditional offer in my hand and a hot guy waiting for me in Bali. So, really, why question it? Congratulations, Anna. You got the house! She bought it? She bought it? Unconditional. You must be so thrilled, Anna! WHISPERS: Yes. Yes, yes, I am. (CHUCKLES) I'm really thrilled. (CHUCKLES) I'm really thrilled. Ooh! (CHUCKLES) I'm really thrilled. # Big, bright morning. # Somewhere else is calling. # Somewhere new is waiting. # Happy to be going, # pack my bags and be # above the clouds. # Above the clouds. #