(CURIOUS MUSIC) Nga kupu hauraro na Kristin Williams. Kua whakatikaia e Glenna Casalme. Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2019 (BELL TOLLS) (SOFT, CURIOUS MUSIC) Ah. Now, I know they're OK in this service, so we've just gotta be quick. Today Fehi and I are at a funeral, and it's lunchtime. Ah. MUFFLED: Mmm. This is good. I know. (BURPS) Oops. Fehi said she didn't want a pie, but I got her a pie anyway, just cos I felt bad eating by myself. (FIZZY DRINK BOTTLE OPENS) Oh dear. It's so beautiful. Honestly, I still love pies. I mean, I thought I didn't ` and I don't want to ` but (SIGHS) they're so good. How's your pie, dear? Oh, it's so good. Thank you. Mmm. Is Francis eating healthily? Is` Is that a joke? (CELL PHONE VIBRATES) Mm. It's Fiona. Hi, dear. Hi. Foliki's not gonna make it, so I'm just bringing a normal one with your card now. Yes, please. That's OK. No problems. Yeah. How far are you? About five minutes. Stop eating! We're not eating. (LAUGHS) Whatever. 'I always know when I ring the person that's with him and they don't answer,' 'that they're eating either bakery or dairy food.' (CLEARS THROAT) She's freaky. How does she know? Oh, she knows, Francis. Mm. (LAUGHS) After the operation, obviously, my stomach has shrunk, and so it's hard to eat a pie. But what I need is time to eat the pie. Yep. I think I'm full. Really? Mm. All right. I'm gonna go in. Mm. Thank you, dear. Do you need the key? No. No. No. Just keep an eye on the funeral. Let me know if anything goes wrong, then I'll come in. But if it goes right ` all good. OK. Thank you, dear. The mind wants the old way of doing things, and the body wants the new way, which is a little bit of kai in small intervals, ne? Whereas, the mind is not... The mind and the stomach haven't quite, um... had a hui yet, or they haven't, uh, met together. And so that is what I'm waiting for ` for them to meet. Mmm. And in the meantime I just want a mince and cheese pie. (CURIOUS MUSIC) (SLOW PIANO MUSIC) Today in our care we have Nicholas Karetu. The family call him 'Nick'. There you go. One, two... Yep. Yep, good. Ah. Is that in? Yeah. Yep? Yep. Yep. OK. Nick has had a suspected heart attack. Haere mai. (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Little bump here. Nick is a big man. He's 32 years old, which is two years younger than me. And so it's... You know, it's... It's there. It's in my face and in all of our faces, like, this is a reality and this is something we need to... (SIGHS) take in and... and think about. On three ` are you all right to grab the middle, dear? We're just going to slide you across. One, two, three. (ALL STRAIN) (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) There we go. (SIGHS) What we're going to do, e hoa, is we're going to put this sheet over his body. Mm-hm. The top half so that we can tuck his arms in. Mm-hm. We don't want the family to walk in and he's all over the bed. Yep. We know he's... he's a big boy, but we can make it look amazing. Yep. So let's do it. ... through over to you... and down. 'It has been three days since the family have been able to see Nick.' A couple of days he spent, uh, in the care of the coroner's office, and one night he spent with us, in terms of getting him prepared for the family with embalming. OK. Here we go. Just pop this sheet over here, Nicholas. When a tupapaku is overweight, it does take a lot longer to embalm. A standard-sized body, like, between the weight of 60kg to 100kg, we can usually have the body prepared within four to five hours. And when we get a larger person, families are in the same frame of mind in terms of thinking, 'Ah, this should be four to five hours,' but in fact, it's not. There's a lot more work. Oh. Beautiful. Beautiful. (POIGNANT MUSIC) Now we're just so happy that we can reunite the family with Nick. (WOMEN CRY) (WOMEN CRY) Plans for the holidays? I'm starting my kitchen renovation. By yourself, unsupervised? I've seen the TV shows. You can do better. With a Gem personal loan you could get someone to do up your kitchen. And with our 'pay it faster' option you could save up to $1,000 in interest just by paying an extra $50 a month. Yeah, course. I just really wanna knock out a wall first. You can do better with Gem, powered by Latitude. Ask today. * (GENTLE MUSIC) What in God's name is this mess? So while Nick is being dressed, I realised that there is a couple of staples out of place in his casket, and the side set needs to be ripped out and repositioned properly. Before I go finding out who made that, um, we'll just fix the problem first. (STAPLER CLICKS) (STAPLER CLICKS) This casket is a big casket. It is 18 inches deep and 26 inches wide at the shoulder. And, uh, that is just to make sure that Nick is comfortable in there ` he doesn't look squashed ` and that, um, he's able to be relaxed ` especially the sides of his elbows. All right, is everyone OK? All right, here we go ` toru, wha. (GROUP GRUNTS) STRAINS: Haere mai, e hoa. One two ` yep, down together. And slowly. That's beautiful. When someone that young comes into your care and is that big,... I understand. I do. For` For me, when I was a big person, food was not only to nourish your body cos you needed to eat, but it was another friend or... something I did to feel good, you know? And so, I'll never pass judgement, cos I understand what... one might have been through. Haere mai ki roto. Oh. Come inside. Oh, nice, ne? Mm. Cool. I'm grateful that the family have allowed us to hold Nick overnight to properly prepare him, cos, as Maori, I... I understand my own people. Uh, we're... The` The tupapaku and the family always need to be together. (ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS) # Te hokinga mai ` # tena koutou. # Tangi ana te ngakau # ki te aroha-a-a. # Tu tonu ra... # Nick's family are one of those families you don't get often. They are just full of love. They love to cuddle. They are really in tune, you know, spiritually with their wairua. Tihei mauri ora. (FAMILY WEEPS) I feel, uh, full of love for him, because he wasn't only talking and saying words, but he was expressing with roimata ` with tears of love. Just... Just beautiful. # ...me te rangimarie # tatou tatou e. # Kia ora, whanau. Kia ora. Come on, Nick. Time to go home. (PLAYFUL MUSIC) Just have to have chicken in your salad, eh? Mm. Mm. Right. This morning I'm having an omelette for breakfast, with some chicken and rice. Now, that's what I wanted for breakfast... in my mind and in my stomach. I think. But, in fact... it was way too much. Are you feeling sick? No. Do you wanna spew? It just looked like you were about to in your mouth. Oh. It's all good, dear. If I eat too much, I do spew... a lot. My darling has had the gastric sleeve surgery. His mind is set on his old habits, and so he can't... It's difficult for him to change. So have you got your yoga gear, Fehi? Oh, yes. You ready to bend those legs? Mm-hm. What I used to do to bring the staff together and to, you know, team-build is we used to eat a lot. I've gotta change that focus of kai being the centre of our time together, and, um... that's where I thought about doing some yoga and meditation. None of the staff wanna come. Did you bring any clothes today? No. What the...? I brought tights. She did. I've never done yoga. I've looked at it on TV and, mm... I` I always look at their figures and I look at how small the mat is, and I'm, like, 'Oh, that's enough for me.' It's a team thing. Because, you know, like, when we have funerals and... and our work gets heavy and, you know, you sort of... you take it all in and you've got no outlet. I just wanted to find another way... Oh. ...apart from all the eating you do` (HEARTY LAUGHTER) ...and the drinking and all of that, another way for you to` you know, to let go of things. Food was, um, something that was sort of like a saviour or something I relied on. It was a help. It was a de-stressor. It was a friend, and we were close. Thank you. 'And I'm hoping meditation might help and might be my new friend.' Uh, and it might be a few of our friends, you know? Mm. (PLAYFUL MUSIC) We're nearly there. OK. And it's on the left. On the left? Mm. Today Fiona is taking care of the funeral for Mr Makaea. He is from the island of Niue ` village Mutalau. He died suddenly. Came back from Melbourne last Saturday and felt unwell Sunday and passed away on Monday. He was caring for his granddaughter who had lost her husband suddenly, um, and was looking after their young children. So he was a very caring man. He always thought about his grandchildren. Malolo. Malolo. Busy? As always. Fiona has lots of families that return back to her when they have a death in the family. Like, I might answer the phone if there's a death in the Niuean community and I'd say, 'Good evening. Tipene Funerals ` you're speaking with Francis.' 'Oh, is Fiona there?' 'She's not here at the moment, but could I help you?' 'Oh, no. When's she back?' 'She's on leave for a couple of days.' 'OK. Uh, could you ring her on her leave and let her know such and such has passed away?' And so, hence, why she hardly takes any breaks ` cos her families that she takes care of are just so important to her. * (POIGNANT MUSIC) Today I am at Mr Makaea's residence. We will farewell him here at home, close his casket, and then take him to his final service, and then burial at Waikumete Cemetery. Morning. Morning. Morning, Fiona. Morning, darlings. All right? (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Mwah. Morning, beautiful people. Good morning. Fiona ` it's not like... an arrangement or an engagement with a funeral director. It's like ringing a sister. You know, when there's a death in the family, Fiona Bakulich is a household name. And so when she goes to a home, it is like she is at home. Oh, wow, girl. (WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY) Oh, thank you. Yeah, you look after all of us, eh. (LAUGHS) I love every family I serve. I find that they're all special in their own way. Um, but even better when they're repeating customers` oh, not customers but families, cos they're so awesome. Yeah. Feet straight in. Right in the middle there, yeah. And go straight through. We did it. Well done. Fantastic. Mr Makaea, unfortunately, is the seventh person to have passed away in his family this year. The family's been through a massive ordeal with all these passings, and they've travelled to Australia and back to New Zealand quite a bit. (SOMBRE MUSIC) In Niuean custom, what they like to do is wrap them in blankets to keep them warm for their final journey. So we've got a few duvets here and a big, massive tapa cloth. (MOURNERS SING IN NIUEAN) The funeral has been awesome. Um,... no stress. And it's been full of laughs. And if anything, we were able to celebrate Mr Makaea's life the way the family wanted it. (PLAYFUL MUSIC) OK. Kia ora. STAFF: Kia ora. I'm Kristina Cavit, and I'm from the Kindness Institute. Today we have a wonderful wahine by the name of Kristina. Ordinarily, she teachers rangatahi yoga and mindfulness and meditation. And she also does fat yoga as well, so that should be helpful. So, I thought we'd just start off with a little korero about what mindfulness meditation is. I have had to bribe a couple to turn up. This is new for us ` something different we've never done before. The only time we're in a circle or around something is a table ` eating food. So who sometimes finds themselves thinking a lot about the past, of things that've` Yes. ...happened that didn't go the way they wanted them to go? Yes. Could've gone differently. Yeah? Yes. And who sometimes finds themselves thinking a lot about the future? Got so much to do, got a big to-do list. 'How am I gonna get everything done?' Not really. Anyone a future-thinker? That would be him. Yeah? (LAUGHS) And we know that the way to be calm, to be happy is` How do we do that? Thank you, Kai. Thinking about the present. So that's what we're doing today ` building up the tools to learn to be present, to be in the here and now. And we're just gonna start off the practice by connecting to our sense of touch ` so feeling the touch of your feet on the mat. Feeling the mat supporting your feet and legs. Invite you to soften through the muscles and the belly. Soften through any tension you're carrying in the chest. Softening through the hands and the fingers. It's a lovely spirit to it. Beautiful wairua. There's no stress in her voice. You know, there's a sense of calmness. I kind of feel like it was Oprah talking to me. Noticing the ground and the earth underneath that supporting you. I'm feeling like I'm not in the room with anyone. I'm actually feeling quite... quite calm. (TIBETAN BOWL RESOUNDS) So... that was... It's beautiful, eh? ...nearly 10 minutes. Did you like that, dear? What? Nona. Did it feel that long? Did you like it? No. Um,... yeah, no, I felt so good. Like, I'm not a person that can actually sit down and meditate. I'm always on my feet. I think, um, if I find myself sitting, thinking then I overthink. Mm. Um, I overthink about things that I know that I need to still try and build up and get over. Usually my mind goes to my dad. Um, and it... It's not a... easy thing to come out of, because then I keep thinking of things that were done with my dad and how it's my happy place. Yeah, but it was really calming. I actually was in deep thought. ALL: Wow. Yeah. I have been pushing aside my grief for my father. I mean, no one can ever say the words to comfort you about losing your parents, and I think at times I tend to, um... outreach with work, so then that can cover the pain. I don't really know how to deal with that. And it was quite profound for me when Nona came forward and expressed what she did. Now, we all know that she can't keep still. We all know that she's a workaholic. She's gotta be busy all the time. But when she said that she didn't want to be still and to be with her thoughts and think about things, you know, that was a moving moment. We're going to move into some yoga practice now. So no need to... (GROUP GIGGLES) (LAUGHS) You thought you had escaped that. (LAUGHS) When she said, 'And now we're going to exercise,' like, 'Girlfriend, step back.' (CHUCKLES) Exhale. This is called tiger's curl. Chin to chest. Inhale. Get long. And can you extend the right leg to the side as well? Oh my God! Stretching out the body. Oi, aue! Breathe deep. You're doing a great job. (LAUGHS) (GROUP LAUGHS) And coming back down. Thankfully, I've got the chairs behind me to rest my leg on, so it's no problem for me. Now we're gonna take hold of our friend's hand. All right. So we're gonna pass the energy around the circle, OK? Yeah. This moment was pretty neat for me, to be honest. It just felt like we bonded and we connected for a moment in time, and it was awesome. (SINGING BOWL HUMS) I can't ignore the fact that I feel so at ease, like, at peace. It was amazing. I loved it. Thank you all. Such a privilege to be able to share this with you. Thank you. And you must join us for some kai, dear,... Thank you. ...to finish off our session with tikanga, and we have a kai hei whakamutua ki te namaste. (ALL LAUGH) Haere mai. BOTH: Thank you. I see why people do it. And it makes sense. It does. And so I would like to organise another session for the staff.