- And if he wasn't addicted to smoking, then maybe Granddad wouldn't have died of lung cancer before I got to meet him. So in conclusion, I think the tax should be raised on all tobacco-related products. - Thank you for your submission, Sophie. Next up is Bong Rat. Is there a Bong Rat here? - (COUGHS) Yo. (COUGHS) Hi. RIP. (COUGHS) - (FEEDBACK WHINES) - Hello, Your Highnesses. (COUGHS) I think you should make rolling papers cheaper. Thank you. (CLEARS THROAT) - So why should rolling papers be exempt from this tax? - Because (SCOFFS) some people use papers for more than just... smoking tobacco. Allegedly. - Can you give us some examples of something else you might smoke? - If you're accusing me of... - (MICROPHONE TURNS OFF) - ...smoking something illegal, um, that actually shouldn't even be illegal... - (MICROPHONE TURNS ON) ...because it's part of nature, then I think you` - We're not accusing you of anything. - HISSES: Why is everyone staring at me? - You're making a submission. - (FEEDBACK WHINES) - Who said that?! - That` That was me. - You gave me a real fright there. (SIGHS) Look, it's just so dark. Would someone please turn on some lights? - The lights are on. You're wearing sunglasses. - What, am I having a day at the beach? (SCOFFS) - I` - (FEEDBACK WHINES) - (SIGHS) You win this round. (CHUCKLES) (SIGHS) Look,... - (FEEDBACK WHINES) - ...all I'll say is this. I go to the dairy and I buy the papers, and then I (MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY), and then I eat an entire Hunger Buster, and I go home and I do my sword practice to some of my favourite Japanese cartoons. - OK, I'll just need to go back a bit there, Bong Rat. Um, I missed a little part at the beginning there. So, you said you go to the dairy, you buy some papers...? - Hmm. Hunger Buster? - No, it was before the Hunger Buster. 'I go to the dairy, I buy some papers...' - Uh, eat an entire Hunger Buster. Big Mac cheeseburger. Fries. Choccy sundae. - OK. What would you like me to write down? - Bad for stoners. - Noted. - Mm-hm. - Anything else you'd like to add? - Nope. I yield the floor. Bong Rat out. - (MICROPHONE CLATTERS, FEEDBACK SCREECHES) - Thank you, Bong Rat. That brings us to the next order of business ` submissions for an amendment to the Marriage Act to allow people to marry anime characters. - (BONG RAT HUMS WAGNER's 'BRIDAL CHORUS') - First submitter is... Bong Rat. - (CHUCKLES) Love. Maybe you've heard of it... - Select committee. It's one of the ways to influence politicians to get them to do what you want. If you want to find out the other ways, don't do anything. Just sit there and let this video play in front of your face. - # The Citizen's Handbook. # The Citizen's Handbook. # Mm, # mm, # mm. # - Now, you're either watching this because you want to know how Parliament works or you're an MP who got elected and has been wandering the halls of Parliament ever since, hoping that at some point, someone might tell you what to do. - WHIMPERS: Help. - Either way, you want to know how to make government do what you want it to, and ` good news, you power-hungry son of a gun ` we're here to help. First things first. Before a law is a law, it's a bill. If the government proposes it, it's a government bill. But there's also these. Members' bills are put forward by MPs who aren't in government ` so good luck getting that one through to the other side ` and local and private bills are tiny little laws that only apply to one specific place or person ` for example, you. All you have to do is bribe the right MP. The government passes laws pretty easily, but for everyone else, it's not so easy. The Cabinet, who are like the prefects of government, they get to choose which bills get debated and voted on, and coincidentally, they often seem to put their ones first and then conveniently run out of time for everyone else's. OK! So, say a bill has made it into the House. Now what? Well, if you're watching this because you're an MP, here's where you should really pay attention. Every bill has to get through three votes before it becomes a proper law that everyone has to start doing. After the first vote but before the second vote, it goes to a select committee. So what's a select committee? Well, that's easy. I'll tell ya. It's a group of MPs from lots of different political parties who try to poke holes in the bill to make sure that it actually does what it's supposed to. Experts come in and tell them how they've got it all wrong, and members of the public tell them how the law might improve or totally ruin their lives. After select committee and the second reading, the bill then goes in front of the Committee of the Whole House for a big debate. Any last little amendments are added, and MPs read out a bunch of speeches that they probably got their underlings to write for them. And then, after all that, if the bill wins the third and final vote amongst all the MPs, it goes to the Queen's crony the Governor-General for a stamp of approval, which makes it official, because ` don't forget ` colonisation. So, MPs. Congratulations. You've done so well. You can` You can stop watching now. - Oh. OK. - Yeah, great. - Bye-bye! - Bye-bye! - (CHUCKLES) - SOFTLY: And to everyone else, now that the MPs are gone, let's talk about how you can get Parliament to do what you want. This is the advice we've gotten from industry lobbyists so secretive they're listed in the credits. The thing about Parliament is that it was made in the olden days. So if you want to get your voice heard, you have to act like an old person. QUAVERINGLY: That's right. Forget how to use a computer, start using your` your phone with your index finger. Consider complaining about how young people these days are so different to when you were young. (SIGHS) Like that's somehow a surprise. If you` Oh. If you see something going through Parliament that you love or hate, the best thing you can do is also the most old-fashioned. Look up your local MP's office address and go talk to them. It doesn't matter what party they're from. They're not gonna know if you voted for them or not. Ideally, they'll be a backbencher with nothing else on their plate, and you'll be top of their list. Tell them that if they help you out, you'll get all of your friends to vote for the next election. That'll make 'em happy. If that doesn't work, you can call up... - (TELEPHONE RINGS) - ...the MP in charge of the bill and chew their ear off. If you don't know their number, just ring up the front desk at Parliament and try not to sound like a telemarketer, and you'll probably get put through. - (CLANG!) - And if that doesn't work, write a letter to that MP. That's right. A letter. A form of ancient communication from the olden times. Like from a Charles Dickens book. You see, letters are much harder to ignore than emails and online petitions. MPs can't just add a filter at the post office to block letters on a certain topic. And unfortunately, they know how easy it was for you to click that button saying 'Save the puppies'. If you're writing to Parliament, postage is free, so you don't need a stamp. Send a letter to the Prime Minister as well. I mean, obviously they won't read it, but someone in their office will, and as long as you don't come across like a completely unhinged conspiracy theorist, it might get passed on. Find out who's sitting on the select committee that's considering the bill and let them know how you feel about it with letters and phone calls. That's what rich people are doing. Well, that's` that's what rich people are paying other people to do for them. There are also things... called newspapers. Wow. So old. So fragile. That one had a ridiculous amount of dust. And these newspapers have editors who people write letters to. Be one of those people. See what happens. Something might. I don't really know. Join a group! Strength in numbers and all that. You're more likely to get listened to if you've got a whole gang with you. Look, everything Parliament does it's doing in your name, so it's important that they listen to you when you've got concerns. I mean, despite what journalists and comedians like me are constantly saying, MPs are just people, and most of them are nice and want to do well. Plus, they get paid obscene amounts of money. So get out there and make the world a better place by making your MP's life just a little bit harder. - WHIMPERS: Help. - It's OK, buddy. - I'm lost. - I know. I know. Hey. Hey. - (WHIMPERS) I don't know what to do. - Maybe you just need a hug. - (WHIMPERS) - Feeling safe? Feeling safer? OK. OK. - Big boy. - That's right. - # Mm, # mm, - So, if someone does a crime, like breaking a window or drop-kicking a puppy, we put some handcuffs on 'em and we take them off to prison, and our communities are safer. All right. Any questions? - Me. - Me! - Yes? - Do people stay in prison forever? - No, they don't stay there forever. They stay there for a while, and then we let them back out into society. - And then do they do more crimes? - Nope. No more crimes. Once they're in prison, they stop all their crimes. They've learnt their lesson. - So is prison like a school? - No, it's not like a school. There are no teachers. It's not a very` - How does it stop people from doing more crimes, then? - (CHUCKLES UNCOMFORTABLY) Good question. You got... got some smart kids. (CHUCKLES UNCOMFORTABLY) All right, let me help you out. Um, we catch... the baddies. Yeah? And then we send them to prison, they go into prison, and then once they come out of prison, they're all better. (CHUCKLES) - So is it like a hospital? - Yeah, kind of. Kind of like a hospital, uh, except there's no doctors or nurses. - How does it make them better? - Look, kid. OK? It's simple. You go into the prison, and then the prison... something happens in the prison. OK? I don't know what it is, but I know that it works. You come out of the prison` - You're making a mess. - Well, I mean I-I wouldn't have to make a mess if you would just underst` It's fine. You know what? It's fine. You guys just don't understand cos you got small dumb children brains and you can't comprehend complex... systems like this ` be bad, go prison, be good. We all know it as adults. We all agree on it. If you go into prison, you come out and you're all better. - Can I go to prison? - No. No one's going to prison. You don't wanna go there, kid. - KIDS CHANT: Prison! Prison! - I want to be better! - Prison! Prison! Prison! - Enough! Stop! - Prison! Prison! - No! No one's going to prison, all right? - (GASPS) - None of you would survive in prison! D'you know how scary it is in prison? Prison is scarier than the first Paranormal Activity, and that is scary. OK? The other two after that are not as scary, but imagine the first one. That's how scary prison is. Do you think you'll last in a fight club? Do you?! You won't. You don't know MMA. You'd get stabbed instantly, cos you're` you're open. You walk open. You need to walk closed. If you walk open, you're a target. Next time I see you walking round the school and you're walkin' open like that, I'm gonna kick you in your stomach. Just to teach you a lesson. No prison. For any of you! OK? (SIGHS) All right, who wants to get shot with a Taser? - KIDS: Yay! - All right, arms straight, elbows locked in. Keep your eyes on the prize. Take a deep breath... and take out the target. - (TASER ZAPS, KIDS WHOOP) - Cops, spies, librarians ` lots of people are trying to enforce the government's rules. But which ones can throw you in prison? Let's find out. - # The Citizen's Handbook. # The Citizen's Handbook. # Mm, # mm, # mm. # - The government doesn't trust you to be left to your own devices, so there are people whose job it is to make you follow the rules. And it's not just cops and prisons; there are lots of agencies out there making sure you do as you're told. Think of them like the Avengers, except instead of superpowers, they have notebooks and forms and parking ticket machines. Fisheries New Zealand stops you from catching tiny fish. New Zealand Food Safety stops you from selling poisoned fish. The New Zealand Customs Service stops you from smuggling fish into the country. And it's not all fish stuff. If you're trying to immigrate to New Zealand, Immigration New Zealand will make sure you fill in a giant pile of forms. If you want to do terrorism, the NZSIS and the GCSB are there to stop you. If the welfare system keeps you alive, Work and Income will stop you getting a boyfriend without telling them. And if you don't fund all of these agencies by paying your taxes, the IRD will hunt you down. - # The Citizen's Handbook. # - # Mm. # - Now, not all of law enforcement is cops and prisons, but to be honest, most of it is. So why are cops so important? Well, to understand that, we have to go back to the 1800s. - (PATTERS FEET) (PATTERING CONTINUES) - (PATTERING STOPS) - BRITISH ACCENT: In the 1800s, British settlers started to think their colonising army was becoming unnecessary and too expensive. - The colonial army is becoming unnecessary and too expensive. - ALL MUTTER: Mm. Yeah. - Mm. Yeah, probably, yeah, yeah. - Think so. - So they replaced them with the Armed Constabulary, which was cheaper, and that turned into the Armed Police Force, and eventually that became one big national organisation called the New Zealand Police Force. Whatever they were called, the cops wanted to enforce settler laws on everyone, but in the early days, they could only really cover the British settlements. As a result, Maori only made up 3% of the prison population. That number spiked a little in the 1860s, when Maori soldiers were locked up for fighting against colonisation, and again in the 1880s, when Maori pacifists were locked up for, you know, protesting peacefully against colonisation. Colonisation seems to be coming up a lot. For the next few decades, cops swung back and forth between two different styles of policing. When Maori people fought back against colonisation, police became more paramilitary, and when nobody questioned their authority, police became more preventative, gently asking people to please not do too many crimes, if any at all. Since then, the cops have gone a little bit paramilitary whenever they thought people needed a bit more help to quieten down, like during the strikes of 1912 and 1913, the industrial protests in 1951 and the 1981 Springbok tour. Basically, whenever citizens are angry about something being unjust, the police are there to` to forcefully assert that actually, despite what it looks like, everything's fine. (SINISTER MUSIC) Over time, our prison population has only gotten bigger. New Zealand currently has 18 prisons. Most of them are run by the Department of Corrections, but one of them is run by a private company called Serco that makes money off prisoners, and there are four other facilities run by the Ministry for Children. They're called Youth Justice Residencies, (WHISPERS) which sounds way better than 'child prisons'. Not only are there more people in prison now; a higher percentage of those people are Maori. So let's just check back in with our` Oh my God, it's 50%! It's not 3%. It's 50% now, even though Maori are only 15% cent of the population. What's goin' on? Well, part of the reason for that is straightforward racism. In 2007, a study by the Department of Corrections said that... Right. OK. So I think` I think that baffling sentence, uh, basically means that your skin colour affects your odds of getting talked to by the cops, getting arrested, getting found guilty and getting sent to prison. But it isn't just racism; it's also that poor people are more likely to go to prison, and Maori have been disproportionately poor for generations because some people ` and I don't want to name names here ` but some people stole all of their land and used it to get rich. You see, if you're poor, you're more likely to face prison time for lots of reasons. If you're poor, you can't pay for traffic fines, which can snowball into a prison sentence. If you're poor, you're more likely to be illiterate, which means you're less likely to get a job. If you're poor, you might not get bail, because you don't have a residential address, which` which might see you get sent to prison, and once you're in prison, chances are you'll come back, because rehab services are only available to people who are there long term. So if you're just there for a little bit, prison can just become a great big crime school where` where people teach you how to do crime! (EXHALES) Now, in New Zealand, most prisoners aren't allowed to vote, so it's very hard for them to have their say. So it's up to you to tell our politicians what you think. Should prisons focus on punishing people or making them better? What's the best way to do that? Uh, should settlers give back the money they're made of Maori land? Should you become a spy? Would you wear a cool tuxedo? And look, these are all important questions, but they're not for me to answer. That's your job. You're the citizen. Good luck. - (PATTERS FEET) - # The Citizen's Handbook. # Mm, # mm, # mm. # Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.