- WHISPERS: Hey, um,... are you sure you can get me off? - (CHUCKLES) - No, it's just that I, um` I left quite a bit of evidence at the scene, and it sounds like they've found it all. - Relax, kid. Evidence, schmevidence. I'll get you outta here in no time. You just let me do the talking, OK? - All rise for Her Honour the Queen's Judge. - Right, everyone take a seat. I'm sure we all know why we're here. Right, let's begin with the opening statements, shall we? - SOFTLY: Check this out. Your Honour,... this case is a farce. Yes, I know my client made mistakes, but who among us hasn't? Are mistakes illegal now? Hm? I mean, maybe we should all go to jail. - (GALLERY TITTERS) - Your Honour, I move that you declare this case a mistrial and dismiss it immediately for the one true, undeniable fact that neither myself nor my client speaks a word of English. Case closed. - Are you serious? - Que? - Oh, I'm going to jail. - You don't speak any English at all? - Wh`? (MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY) - OK, Counsel. What language do you speak? - Greek. - Greek? - Mm. - All right. We'll get a translator in. Registrar, can you organise a transla` - Ancient Greek. - SIGHS: Ancient Greek. You speak ancient Greek, a language that hasn't been spoken for over 1500 years? - Yes-us. - So, just to be clear, you don't understand anything that I am saying to you right now? Counsel, with all due respect, you were in here last week arguing a case, and you spoke perfectly good English then. Oh, it wasn't you? You're telling me it wasn't you? All right. So who was it, then? - Uh... OK. - Sounds like... - Aaah-ahh! Aah! - ...'hooray'. 'Yay'. - Uh` - Fat. Food. - (SIGHS) (GROANS, PANTS) (MOANS, PANTS HEAVILY) - Baby. You're having a baby. - (PUFFS STRENUOUSLY, YELLS) Ow! (POP!) Ah! (POP!) - Ohhh! - Now you're having two babie` Oh, twin. - (GASPS) - Twin. You're saying it was your identical twin. - Phew! - So you have an identical twin... with the same name as you and the same job as you who speaks fluent English despite the fact that somehow, you and your client only speak ancient Greek. - Opa! - (SMASH!) - I'm sorry, I've had enough of this. You know what? Did you do the crime? - Uh,... n-no? - Do you promise? - OK. - SIGHS: Oh, whatever. Not guilty. - And that's what I call justice, baby! - (GALLERY MURMURS) (LIGHT-HEARTED GREEK FOLK MUSIC) - (EXHALES SOFTLY) - Courts! They're not really like that. New Zealand judges don't even use these. So what's it really like? Who knows? I do, and I'll tell you in a second. - # The Citizen's Handbook. # The Citizen's Handbook. # Mm, # mm, mm. # - In te ao Maori, the community comes first ` your whanau, your hapu, your iwi. Disputes aren't between two individual people; your whole community is affected. Before the Brits arrived, conflict resolution took place on the marae. Everybody got to say their piece, and rangatira would feel out the consensus and let everyone know what the next move would be. Utu meant that actions required reciprocity, which could take lots of different forms ` for example, muru, where you'd take someone's stuff to balance things out. But then the Brits arrived, and they refused to follow local law and customs. Instead, they brought their own dispute resolution system from home. Now it was everyone for themselves. In fact, the British hated community so much that community service literally became a punishment they made criminals do. Now, instead of taking place on a marae with the whole community, disputes are resolved in a court, under the authority of Her Majesty the Queen, because who could have a more pragmatic approach to justice than someone who grew up in a palace, being told their bloodline is superior? So, here's what you might need to know if you're going to court. First of all, if you can possibly help it, don't. Court is expensive. Lawyers are expensive too, and they speak a language you basically need subtitles for. - A coroner's report, affidavit, enduring power of attorney, a power of attorney, settling the estate, unconscionable barg` - If you have a dispute with someone, try really hard to sort it out by having a good chat and shaking hands at the end. But if you've got a dispute with someone who can't be reasoned with, go to a community law centre. The lawyers there will give you all the info you need and help you figure out your options. The community lawyers might suggest you go to a tribunal. If courts are Michelin-starred fine-dining restaurants, tribunals are takeaways. There are heaps of them, they're super cheap, and they do what they say on the packet. There's the Tenancy Tribunal, for tenancy disputes; the Copyright Tribunal, for copyright disputes; and then there's the Disputes Tribunal, for dispute disputes. The best part is for some of them, you're not even allowed a lawyer, which is a great little rule, because you probably can't afford one, but your landlord probably can. 'But,' I hear you say, 'What if you're rich?' Well, first of all, thanks for taking some time away from skiing in the Swiss Alps to watch my web series. And second of all ` congratulations! You've got so many more options than non-rich people. For example, if you want to, you can spend a very large amount of money to get in front of a judge. And if going to court sounds like something you're into, then here's what you can expect from your little trip through the legal system. OK, so, in court, you and the other rich person you're arguing with are both being represented by very expensive lawyers. Now, because neither of you is being accused of a crime, you're not in a criminal court; this is a civil court. You're also in the district court, which is sort of Court Level One ` beginner's court, if you will. The judge hears two lawyers argue about who's the most right ` or the least wrong ` and then decides whose side the law is on. Their decision is based on the rules made out by the politicians, as well as decisions other judges made in the past on similar cases. But what if you disagree with the decision the judge makes and you're still so rich and your new favourite hobby is giving lawyers money? Well, then you can bump your case up to the High Court. And if that doesn't give you the answer you want and you're still rich and really getting into your lawyer hobby, you can complain your way up to the Court of Appeal. And if that still doesn't do it and you're somehow still not broke, you can hire a whole fleet of lawyers to take your dispute all the way to the Supreme Court! Unless the Supreme Court chooses not to hear your case, in which case, bad luck. That's it. You're stuck with whatever the Court of Appeal said. So what now? Well, (SIGHS) you're out of legal options, so... let's say that you take matters into your own hands. Maybe you throw a brick through a window. Well, guess what. That was a bad idea you just had. Now you got caught, so now the government has a dispute with you because you broke their rule about not throwing bricks through windows. Now you're out of civil court and into criminal court. And the really bad news is even though you used to be super rich, you blew all of your cash on the Court of Appeal, and now you're poor and can't afford any lawyers at all. Not even one. Well, surely the government will give you a lawyer for free, right? We've all seen American television. - You have a right to an attorney! If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided to you. - Well, this isn't America. It's New Zealand. And in New Zealand, it goes more like this. - If you can't afford a lawyer, then on the first day, they'll give you a duty lawyer, but after that, you'll have to apply for legal aid, and even then, it's not free; it's kind of like a loan, cos once your trial is done, you're gonna have to pay the government back. - What? - Yeah. Stink buzz, eh? - Oh, stink. - So, after hearing that and serving your sentence for the brick thing, you might be pissed off by the injustice of the whole darn system. Which brings us to another reason you might go to court ` you wanna get in front of a judge and tell on the government. Well, first off, your best bet would be to go to the Ombudsman, who's kind of like the government's complaint department. But if you're part of a big fancy organisation who can afford lots of lawyers, then you might drag the government to court and call them out in front of everyone. If you're right, the judge might shout things at the government. Like, 'Oi! You are not following the principles of the Treaty!' and, 'Hey! That is against the Bill of Rights. Do not do that.' And if a judge orders the government to do something, they usually do it. So that's something. One of the main things about the law is that it applies to everyone, even the government. Even the All Blacks. Even Lorde. So don't let them get away with stuff. So, um, to recap, court is a big fancy room for settling disputes, and, um, all going well, you'll never go there. OK. Bye! - # The Citizen's Handbook. # The Citizen's Handbook. # Mm, # mm, - Thank you very much! (CHUCKLES) A-plus-plus trade. Would trade again. (CHUCKLES) Oh, another day, another claypot. (CHORTLES) Oh! Hello, trader! Fancy doing some cheeky bartering? Hey, you know, what I'm after is a goblet or a fish. Do you have a goblet or a fish? - (SCOFFS) No. I don't have a goblet or a... (SCOFFS) what was it, a fish? No. - Oh. - All I've got... is one of these. - Ooh. (CHUCKLES) What's that? - Oh, it's nothing. Why, it's just a... coin. - So is it a food? Can I` Can I eat it? - (SCOFFS) I wouldn't suggest eating a coin. CHUCKLES: No, no, no. - (CHUCKLES UNCOMFORTABLY) So is it, uh, jewellery, or, uh...? Oh, is it a weapon? Ooh, is it a magic egg that will bring me good luck? - No, it's not an egg. It's a piece of metal. - Oh. (CHUCKLES) No, thank you. I'm really after goblet or a fish. - Oh, um, let me rephrase. You see, this coin is worth more than... what it is. Worth. - So what is it worth? - It's worth exactly... one apple, two carrots, two pumpkins, and one of those. That. That green thing. - It's a leek. - I'll take it. Done. (CHUCKLES) - (CHUCKLES UNCOMFORTABLY) Uh, I'll give you an onion. Huh? - Is it`? Is that a`? One onion? - I just don't believe it's worth anything. - Dammit! You and everyone else in this stupid town. - Oh. What did you trade it for? - My entire harvest. - Ooh. - Yeah. My wife said, 'It's a scam,' and I was like, 'Shush! It's a good investment,' you know? - SYMPATHETICALLY: Yeah. - Hi. Sorry, weird question, but did somebody say they have a coin they want to trade? - Ah! - Yes. Uh, that's me. - I love coins. Do anything for a coin. - Ah. - What d'you want? You want my shoes? Yeah? - Well, I don't think it's worth anything else, so, yeah, I'll take them. Great. - OK, great. - Whoa. Those are nice shoes! Are you sure they're worth that? - Yeah! A couple of shoes for a coin? That's a bargain. (LAUGHS) - (LAUGHS SYCOPHANTICALLY) - Oh. (LAUGHS) - CHUCKLES: I mean... - Really? I mean... - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. Wait` H-Hey. Hey! Hey, wait! Still want those pumpkins? - Yes. - Well, I will give you two pumpkins! - Really? - Yeah. Mm. - OK. - I'll throw in my belt! I'll throw in my belt for that coin. - Uh` - I will give you all my pumpkins! - You can have all my clothes. - Wh`? (STAMMERS) - I-I will give you all my vegetables! All of them! Take them! Clear me out! I just want that coin. Gimme that coin. - Take both of my children! They are hard workers. - Oh` Hey. Tell you what ` I'll give you my whole vegetable-trading company, and I'll throw in the cave. - My farm! Take my farm! Have the house, my wife, my two kids, my entire life. Here's the deed. Here's the deed. I just want that coin. - Sold! - Oh! - Yes! - (LAUGHS GIDDILY) - Yes! - All right. - Yes, it's mine! - OK. - (CACKLES) Oh, I love these! - (CRUNCH!) - (GRUNTS) - Mm, hmm-mm. Mm, mm. (GRUNTS IN PAIN) - (CRUNCHING CONTINUES) - (RETCHES) (GAGS) (SWALLOWS, SIGHS) Mmm, mmm. Mm. - (WATER DRIPS) - I-I don't suppose I could get my farm back, and my wife back. You can keep the kids. - Oh` Oh, I... I mean... - (WINCES, MUMBLES) - Yeah, I` (CHUCKLES UNCOMFORTABLY) - (CHUCKLES) - I mean, I-I wish I could, you know. - Yeah? - What's your wife's name? - Be-Betty. - 'Hello, Betty. I'm home.' (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Boop. (CACKLES GLEEFULLY) - Fresh onions. Wanna buy a...? - D-Do you take shoes? - Yes. Yes, I do. - This one's about economics. - # The Citizen's Handbook. # The Citizen's Handbook. # Mm, # mm, mm. # - Economies are how communities make stuff and share it around. They come in handy, because I bet you don't know how to make a PlayStation from scratch, let alone any games to play on it. Let alone any good games. The original economy of Aotearoa was powered by whanaungatanga, manaaki and utu. Everyone worked within their hapu to grow, make, trade and do whatever the community needed. And if your hapu was drowning in resources, you could just gift some to another hapu, and in time, they'll seek utu by repaying a gift and then some. On the other side of the world, the British had a different solution ` special tokens that you could trade for goods and services in a market. Everyone was responsible for their own tokens, and you could get them by either making or doing things or by having rich parents. That way was easier. These special tokens were called money, and since it was first invented, money has famously not caused anyone any problems at all. - # The Citizen's Handbook. # - # Mm. # - When they arrived in Aotearoa, the colonists used violence to replace the local economy with the British system of tokens. So now every citizen of New Zealand is part of the same big old market. The market is based on the idea of informed and voluntary exchange ` we both understand the trade we're making, and we both want to make it. If you buy an apple from me, it's because you want my apple more than you want your money. And if I sell an apple to you, it's because I want your money more than I want my apple. We're both better off. The whole economy is basically just people trading money for stuff and stuff for money again and again and again until we all die. Just replace apples for skateboards or cans of Fanta or investment properties. And as a result of all of this trading, everything comes out at a particular price ` not too expensive that nobody wants to buy it, but not too cheap that nobody wants to make it. That's why people like the market. If the state tried to grow and distribute its own apples, it'd just be guessing how many apples people wanted. Chances are it would either grow too many and waste a lot of resources or it would grow too few and make its apple-loving citizens furious. But with the magic of prices, companies know how many people want apples, and what sort, and whether starting an apple orchard is a good idea or just a terrible waste of time. But like most systems, the market has to follow rules, invented by the government. For example, the government steps in when a trade isn't voluntary, so if you only bought my apple because I said I'd give you a noogie if you didn't, and then you told on me, I'd get in trouble with the government for doing a crime. The government also wants to make sure our trade is informed. So if you paid good money for my apple because I didn't tell you it was rotten, then I'd get in trouble for ripping you off. - MAN: This apple sucks! - But the main reason the government intervenes is to provide stuff the market won't. Think about streetlights. - (CLICK!) Everyone benefits from them, but if we relied on people volunteering to cough up for them, we'd probably all just end up walking into poles in the dark every night. - (CLICK!) - For the same reason, the government also provides free education, because everyone benefits from everyone else being educated. The government also provides other services, like healthcare, because they decided that your chances of dying from a curable disease shouldn't depend on how many special tokens you have in your pocket, America. So, that all sounds great, but it also sounds expensive. So where does the government get all of their tokens from? Well, that's simple. They take some of yours. Everyone in New Zealand pays taxes. Even if you're a 6-year-old who just went to the dairy for the first time to buy a dollar mix of lollies, you've still paid 15c in taxes. That's because the government takes a 15% cut of every transaction through GST, the Goods and Services Tax. The government also takes a cut of the money that you earn at your job. In New Zealand, we have marginal rates for income tax. Chart time. - (ZIP!) - Which means that for the first little bit of money that you earn, you get charged at a low tax rate, and then, if you earn a little bit more, for that little extra bit, you get charged at a higher tax rate. The whole thing doesn't get charged at a higher tax rate. That would be crazy. OK? Everybody got it? Great. - (ZIP! CLANG!) - Sorry. Look, I know that was boring, but you'd be surprised how few people know that. Now, the government doesn't tax everything. Uh, they don't tax money you inherit from your parents, money you make from most investment properties or money that's already in your bank account. So if you don't want to chip in to make society better, then you know where to hide your cash. The most important thing to remember is that neither the market nor the government is a magical force that will solve all your problems. They're just tools people thought up to distribute resources. If they're not doing their job and they're making people sad, then we can change them. Now, deciding how to regulate an economy is a very difficult thing to do, but luckily, that's not my job. It's yours. After all, you're a New Zealand citizen. - (LEATHER SEAT SQUEAKS) - (SAVAGE CHOMPING) - # The Citizen's Handbook. # The Citizen's Handbook. - (CHOMPING CONTINUES) - # Mm, # mm, # mm. # Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.