(SUBDUED THEME MUSIC) DOORBELL RINGS DOG WHINES EAGERLY Oh, my God! Bobbin! Come here! Yes! I'm Wendy, I live in the cottage at the end of... I don't understand. They said he'd died. Baby, they said you'd died. I know they did, and I didn't think that was right, I'm sorry. Why would they do that? I probably shouldn't have come, but he was so unhappy. I missed you too. Oh, baby, I missed you so much. Jo, come away from the door. Wendy, you know you're not supposed to be here. That's not Bobbin. Of course it's Bobbin. I know my dog. Come away from the door. Oh... Oh, no! No! Oh, my God! Its insides are coming out! Oh, my God! Push them in! Help me! Help me! Jo? Jo? Are you OK? Bobbin is dead, isn't he? Yeah. He is. Did you kill him? What? No! Why would you say something like that? I'm so sorry. Sorry. Thank you. I really am sorry. It's OK. I've been having these awful nightmares and it's hard to make sense of things. Well, just drink your tea and take your time and we'll start the day again. I want to go to that support group the doctor talked about. Really? Is it not too soon? SHE THINKS: Amnesia - my gift that keeps on giving. It's been a week. I've been locked up in here and I'm slowly going demented. OK. You normally hate that kind of thing. What kind of thing? Groups. Strangers. Having to wait for the sharing stick before you speak. Well, I need to talk to someone who's trained. Nothing's coming back to me. OK, we'll do whatever you need to do. Great. It's at The Levin. I'll get ready. Oh, you mean today? DEEP BREATHING Nick. I love you! I miss you already! Fuck! Ready to rumble? Yeah. RADIO: ..joined on the line now by Jamie from Brighton. Jamie, welcome to the show... Why are we going this way? I've never been this way. There's roadworks. It's quicker. It's a weird route. Listen, I might have to pop out tomorrow. Won't be for long. Is that all right? Jo? Is that OK? What? It's just some work stuff. I won't be long. OK. Bye, Mum. I really want to see Finn. HE SIGHS What? It's just, he's got a little bit trickier this last 12 months. I don't think it's drugs. Drugs? It's probably just puberty finally kicking in. He's 18, Rob. He's, er, 19, actually. God, I'm such a shitshow. Hey, Jo, I can't remember what's gone on in the last 12 months. Doesn't really matter. We need to live in the now. What are you, a man or a meme? HE LAUGHS Jo? Jo! Rob, did you see that woman? What? Who was that woman? She knows me. What woman? What woman, Jo? Er... No, nothing. At least let me carry you in. It's literally right there, Rob. I need to build my confidence. OK, well, I'll wait here in case you hate it and if you fall over, I'll pick you up. Fuck off. HE LAUGHS Nice stick, missus. SHE LAUGHS Miss, miss, have you got the time? No. Give me your phone. What? Give me your phone and money, man. Give me your phone and purse now, man. Fuck off! You give me YOUR money and your phone! Don't fucking piss me off, man! LOUD CLATTER OVERHEAD Ow! Ow! Aaagh! Shit! Go and get a job, you arsehole! Ow! You know what really pisses me off? You just made me sound like my mother! You crazy bitch! Shit. SHE THINKS: Maybe you were safer in the alley. Hiya. Hi. You're new. I'm Sharon, pleased to meet you. Hi, Sharon. I used to be the manager of a coffee shop, but I can't even tie my own shoelaces these days. Oh. Still, I was getting fed up of the daily grind anyway. Daily "grind"? I'm Jo. Who in the name of Jesus chooses these biscuits? And squash? Ugh, what next, stickers for being brave? Hi. Hi. I'm Helen. Welcome to the madhouse. Jo. Are you OK? I caught your... altercation outside. I was going to come out, but I wouldn't be surprised if we saw him here next week. It's an... unusual, but interesting form of recruitment. I don't know what I was... I should properly go and check on him. Why? OK, people, shall we start? Come on, let's go and talk about our thoughts and feelings. Thanks, Olivia. I think you're coping brilliantly with a really complex mother-daughter relationship. Just keep going. I don't really feel like sharing today, Michelle, before you ask. I've had a terrible week. That's fine, Joe. We're here for you whenever you want, you know that. I'd... like to... Please? If that's OK. Of course. Um, I'm Jo. I... ..wrote it down. I need reminding. I fell down the stairs and I, I landed on my head, as you can see. So... I have amnesia. Disinhibition, so they tell me. So you fell down the stairs? Yes. And I have paranoia and hallucinations. Basically, it's like I'm... ..I'm a stranger inside my own head. A stranger inside your own head? Is there an echo in here? It's quite a common feeling. Well, I feel like I'm being left to piece together whatever the hell is wrong with me on my own. That's really shitty, Jo. They just don't care, but you do know that, right? I'm sure that's not true, Jerry. Four years since my accident. Four years. I can't even get them on the phone these days. They say I'm better, but look at me. I mean, is this it? Is this it? Come on. Jo's speaking now. No, it's fine. Don't get your hopes up, Jo, just don't, because in this room, we are all fucked. Jerry. What? What? What the fuck, Michelle? You are a fuckface! Fuck off! Fuck off! Get out of the fucking way. Bitch, fucking twat... Oh, hi. Hi. You know, recovery is different for everyone. God, I hate it when my husband's right. It's like... ..trying to piece together a broken vase, isn't it? In the dark, but on a rollercoaster. JO LAUGHS Call me... if you need to talk. Thank you... Helen. I'm... I don't know what happened to me. I was at the top of the stairs, and then I was at the bottom. OK. I think... I might have... I... I have a history of... I've done some quite dark stuff, and, um, I worry I could have done this to myself. Hello? Hiya, I've got a husband here. Oh. Hi, Jo. Everybody came out, but not you. I'm fine. OK. And I've just bumped into... Sharon. Hello. I used to be the manager of a coffee shop, but I can't even tie my own shoelaces these days. Still, I was getting fed up of the daily grind, anyway. The daily "grind?" Get it? It's because it's a coffee shop. Jo. Pleased to meet you, Sharon. JO SOBS What is it? Was it that bad? No, just... those poor people. And that coffee shop woman. Imagine being stuck inside that shitshow for the rest of your life. That's not you. But what if... I'm not who I was? What if I'm dangerous? You're not dangerous. Can we go home the normal way, please, the one I know? Yeah. Look! Finn's come down to see me! JO LAUGHS HAPPILY Listen, he's going to have a few things to talk to you about, OK? Darling! Oh! JO PLAYS DRAMATIC PIANO PIECE Mum? Hmm? What the hell is that? I have no idea! Just came to me when I sat down. Watch me go. SHE STARTS DIFFERENT MELODY Come on. HE JOINS IN WITH DUET Look, there's something I want to... I left university. I quit. I actually only did one term. You quit? I told Dad not to... I wanted to tell you myself. But then why aren't you here, at home? I don't live here any more. I moved out. I'm just going to check on lunch. Oh! INAUDIBLE I love you. DISCORDANT NOTES What if the... what if the old Mum never comes back? Hi, Finn, yeah. Welcome to the situation. What if that happens? Any ideas? What are we having? Lasagne. Great. What about Mum, what's she having? Lasagne. What, has she started eating meat again? Oh, come on, it was a fad. She was wavering. That's so shady. It's familiar, it'll help. Let's keep things civil, eh? Are we going to talk about you dropping out of uni? No. But we probably should talk about... What? Mum, you've spent your whole life fussing over me, pushing me. I didn't even want to go to university in the first place but you didn't listen, you just pushed me and pushed me. I know you think you're helping, but you've always done it in the most passive-aggressive way. That's a bit harsh, Finn. Well, it's true! No one tells you when you're pregnant that you're going to put your heart and soul into helping your little babies grow into happy, articulate, educated people in their own right, but then one day, all that love and hard work is going to... ..be thrown right back in your face. You know, I have wondered what kind of life I'd have if... If you had all died in a car crash. I've thought about what kind of life I would have carved out for myself if... I mean, once the initial grief had passed... Jo, that's a terrible thing to say. This is all part of the disinhibition. Jo. You know, on the surface, this family looks so perfect. But underneath, it's... I have no idea where that came from. That's so dysfunctional. There's been a lot of dysfunction lately, Mum. By the way, I told you I'm gay last year. That should probably be on your wall. Oh, Finn. Oh, baby. I'd... really appreciate that, if you would put that up on the wall. You don't remember what you did? Oh, God. Finn. What are you doing? You should know this stuff. What stuff? Finn... What did I do? What did I do? You've got to tell me, please tell me. What did I do? Tell me, please. Tell you what, Jo? Love, you were sleepwalking. Shh. OK, shall we go to bed? You make tea just like my mum. Is that good? Bad? Is your mother a... ..pushy, demanding, awful arsehole like me? Um... actually, she's dead. Mum died. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Fuck! How did she die? Do you remember those early sunbeds, the one you lifted the lid up on? Yeah. Well, she was lying in one and... she sneezed. And being a woman who had four children resulted in very little pelvic floor action. A small amount of urine escaped, and that was that. Lights out. Literally, she fused the entire building. When we buried her, it looked like she'd done six months on a Caribbean cruise. Jesus! That's terrible! She actually had cancer. But she made me promise that if anyone asked, I'd make up a different ridiculous story every single time, so... She had a funny sense of humour like that. She wanted me to remember that part of her. Not the chemo, not the last few months. My mother died of cancer too. My dad has dementia, and... I'm scared of going to see him. I'm scared he won't recognise me, even if I'm standing right there. I'm going to... Yeah, see you later. Thanks for the tea. Hmm. Totally would. Given half the chance. He could trim my bush any day. Yeah, he could put his seed in my flowerbed, and then fuck me in a threesome with his twin. Please, just stop. What? Jesus! Jo, I'm just having a bit of fun. Please, just... Stop pretending it's business as usual. It isn't, is it? We didn't talk for months last year. Why was that? Did I go bonkers again? No. No. Right, you did something that I actually... ..thought was quite cruel. Well, tell me. Finn got into a relationship with someone, and you didn't like it. He told me he's gay yesterday but... ..I don't have a problem with that. Yeah. But... the person he was involved with was Josh. Your Josh? Yeah. But he's almost 30, and he's... such a player. He's actually 26, and that wasn't... Wait. Did Finn leave uni to be with Josh? Yeah. You tried to split them up. That's why we weren't talking. It was really a big deal. You wanted me to tell Josh to put the brakes on his relationship. I tried, because you were really cut up about it. I love him! And then Josh stopped speaking to me, and then Finn found out and I don't think he's spoken to you for six months. Sorry, Cathy, I'm going to have to steal Jo from you now. Steal away. I was just leaving. OK, exhibit... ..D, a receipt for two very expensive meals in a swanky French restaurant. Really? And, before dinner, your amazing husband took you to exhibit E, a very pretentious art exhibition. Did we, er... No. I wanted to take you, but... Right, what's next? Er... theatre stubs. Eastbourne Playhouse. I'm so glad we just painted this wall. The Importance Of Being Earnest. We left early for the importance of our sanity. Last year wasn't all dead dogs and uni dropouts, you know. We did have some laughs. Thank you. "Split up Finn and Josh". I'm a terrible mum. No. You were just thinking of his future. There's something else. You agreed to lend me - the company - some money last year, just to tide us over. I, er... I need some more. So, if you could just... OK. What am I signing? It's just a small loan. OK. I am sorry, my head really hurts. Is it OK if I look at this a little bit later? Yeah. Drink some water. SHE LAUGHS MUFFLED CONVERSATION ..was having a party and sometimes, we get asked, "How come you've stayed together for such a long time?", right? They said something I will never forget. Go on. We're all ears. He said, the secret is... What? ..the secret is, never fall out of love at the same time. Rob? Did we have dinner with Cathy and Jim somewhere nice? Yeah, for their anniversary. Well, then, I just had my first proper memory. At least, the first I can make any sense of. Well, are you going to tell me what it is? Yeah! It was, um, Jim telling some shite story. Jim! We were all sitting around with rictus grins while he was going on about how people stayed together. I can't believe that of all the things you could remember, you remembered one of Jim's boring anecdotes! I know. SHE THINKS: Well, you can't tell him the other things you've remembered, can you? Have you taken your pills? I'm just about to. Right, are you sure you're going to be OK on your own? You're going to the post office. I'll call you if I need you. Ugh! What are you up to? I thought you left. No, I'm just about to. Listen. Nobody wants you to remember the last year more than I do. I know that. But it's a lot of pressure to put on yourself. Maybe take it easy. Don't forget your tablets. Right. I just don't want you to... To what? You don't want me to what, Rob? Nothing. They're painkillers, you know. They're not antidepressants. I know. This is completely different. Yes, it's completely different. I'm not depressed. Sorry. Oh, my God, this is not 15 years ago. This is... not... that which cannot be mentioned. OK. I will take them. Yeah, look, look. Happy? Yeah. Thank you. I'll see you later. DOOR SHUTS SHE THINKS: Definitely the right thing to do. Way too many side effects. Better to be in pain than confused, right? DOORBELL RINGS Jo! Shit, Jo, are you OK? Yeah. Oh, sorry, yeah, I should have called first. Well, actually, I've been calling your mobile constantly. What's happened? I... lost my phone. Big mystery. Look, new one. I'm sorry. I have no idea who you are. What? Who are you? It's Rose, Jo. It's Rose, hello. You don't remember? I fell down the stairs. Oh. Right. I'm sorry, how do I know you again? We work together, Jo. I'm a translator. I work from home, on my own. No, we've been colleagues for months, Jo. In town. We're also friends. Well, I... ..guess I'd better let you in so you can tell me what it is that I do. I love your place. Please, come on through. Um, right, why don't you tell me about where I work and what I do and... ..when I started. Yeah, it's a charity. It's for Syrian refugees. Oh, right. Yeah, I mean, it's really tiny. It's basically just you, me, Nick, a few others. And Nick is...? He's the founder. The boss. There. Thank you. You've been amazing. Everyone thought it. You turned the whole place around, organised that amazing fundraising do. What? Yeah, that's why I couldn't figure out why you stopped coming in, but Nick said that you just decided that it wasn't for you any more. Hasn't anyone mentioned that you had a new job? Don't you think that's a bit...? And you really don't remember anything? Anything? I... I think you should leave now. I feel really tired. You need to get another dog. It must be lonely rattling around here on your own. Please, can you leave now? And, um, that's when you dyed your hair. You've got to put that in. Please? Please, just get out of my fucking house! Get out of my fucking house! I... Get out of my fucking house! Whoa. That is not how you speak to friends. Out. Go, get out! SHE THINKS: You weren't on your own that night, were you? Subtitles by Red Bee Media Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.