- I was excited for him to go to rehab, because,... you know, it felt like, you know, things are changing, like, finally. - Yeah, for us, it was... Yeah. Like, when we seen him, he just broke down crying, so... that's when we knew, like, you know, he's kinda back. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2022 - I never really had a definite, like, idea of... who I was, what my kaupapa is, you know, because here's the Scribe who's this role model, gave up drugs and alcohol. And then there's me behind the scenes in my home, hating myself and using... to just numb... numb my reality that I hated. I hated being famous, and I hated people looking up to me because I never felt good about myself. And if you ask me why I wanna make another album, the answer is really simple. The answer is... for me to make sense of what I went through, it has to be to help other people. RAPS: # I went to sleep for a minute. When I woke up, everything froze up. # I found no love, and I don't wanna be here. I'm about to go nuts. # I got out of jail, and I didn't want to use methamphetamine any more. And I told everyone, 'Don't come over. Don't bring no fuckin' pipe.' But the thing about environments is... as long as you're in the environment, you're always in danger. So it was only a matter of time before I fell back into the old... the old ways of coping. We're actually not allowed in here, so I'll just text my mum. My dad'll spin out on you. - When you got to the heart of this addiction, you know, there's no good communication going on. You know, I would know when he was in a good mood, and I thought, oh yeah, he probably had a smoke, cos he's blah blah blah blah, you know, talking away, and` because I'm a former addict myself, so there's nothing that they could hide from me. I knew all the symptoms, and I knew the behaviours. - Cos I didn't come home one night and said, 'He didn't come home because he was using.' I'd been clean for two weeks. So instead of just what would have been a one-night relapse, because I really regretted it, turned into... six months. - It was no longer just recreational fun for him while he went away. It was... It was beginning to be something quite serious. It was frightening. It was frightening being in a situation that's unpredictable. It was a very unstable, unsettling, toxic time for us as a family. - I could see him physically not OK. Mentally, emotionally, it was` Yeah. You know, he... - Scattered. - Yeah, he was... It was like... dead. - You get to a point where if you admit defeat, if you admit that you're powerless, that you cannot control this drug any more, the only way to beat it is to... top yourself, because you can see the pain you're inflicting on the people around you. You can see... The people that love and care about you, you can see how hurt they are by your actions. - He had some really dark times where he didn't want to be here any more. And I think that was the most difficult thing. And... I had reached out... because he did have an attempt on his life and... and... there was just no help. - So, I made a suicide plan, where I would OD and it would be an accident, and that way it would save everyone from feeling some type of way or guilt, cos I never want to leave my family feeling guilt, but I was just trying to resolve my problems. - We went for help, and we really just got sent home and told that he was gonna be OK. And that was really devastating for me. I didn't... I just really felt like there is no... nothing else that's gonna be able to help. You know, I'd exhausted every single option that I had tried. - I definitely think it was divine intervention, because I ended up talking to a man who knew about a house in Dunedin, and that was Moana House. - The Kiwi rapper Scribe has taken to social media to announce he's heading to rehab. - Here we are in Dunedin, right outside Moana House. Without this whare and without these people, I would... I hate to think where I'd be right now. I wouldn't be somewhere good. So I really owe a lot, and it's got a lot of mixed emotion right now as we stand outside, because this whare means so much to me and the people here mean so much to me. Meeting them changed my life. Meeting them helped me to... to know that I am worthy of change and that change is actually possible. Hello! - Hello, hello. - Oh my God. 'Claire is one of the most amazing women I've even met.' If I hadn't have met her, I'm not sure I would still be on this earth. Malo seemed to be able to make some connections while he was here and go on to use some of those tools in his life. It's never a simple thing. There's no quick fix, and there's no magic. - You know, that was the final, like... This is it. Like,... it's either gonna, you know, work now or it's... it's not gonna work. - You learn that there's a lot going on for you before you actually pick up that substance or that self-medication. It's not even about that. It's about what's going on in here and externally what has triggered you in here and what is that connected to? And most of it is to do with my father. - When Malo was born, I was in jail. When I got out, I found that I had to try and bond with my son, who didn't know me. And every time I'd sit next to Carol, he would kick me, or hop into bed and he'd try and get in between us and kick me away. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) He was really possessive over his mother, so he probably thought, who this guy is this just come into his life. (CHUCKLES) - I'll tell you this one memory. When I was I think 7 years old and my mom was going out, and she looked like a Hollywood actress. She was so beautiful getting ready. And I remember just looking at her and admiring my mum, like, wow. And then getting woken at 3 in the morning to a lot of swearing, a lot of smashing, a lot of screaming, and then waking up in the morning to see my mother, and she came into my room with a Polaroid camera, hands shaking, and said, 'Can you take a photo of me?' And I looked at my mother, and she had two black eyes, cut nose, earrings, lobes ripped, cut lip, fat top lip, unrecognisable. I just remember feeling this hatred for my father and wanting to kill him. - I don't know. I hate talking about domestic violence and addiction and that stuff in isolation because it implies that that only happens to that family, when, actually, it had happened to our community. - I know that I wouldn't be who I am right now... not that I'm perfect; I've still got a long way to go, and I'm working towards that, but I wouldn't even be entertaining the thought of changing or that I was actually sick. - When we went to visit him in rehab, it was... it was quite surreal, yeah, like, seeing him, just... You know, his emotions. Cos we hadn't seen him like that for a while. So him being clean and going to see him was like... For myself, it was, like, 'Oh, this is a bit too much.' You know? He's like, hugging me, saying that he loves me. And I was like, 'Oh!' (BOTH CHUCKLE) Like, we haven't had that in a while, so it was, like, oh. - He turned 40 down there, so we wanted to surprise him. - Cook him his favourite foods. - Take him a big birthday cake and presents. (CHUCKLES) You know, spoil him. - It just felt like a different person. Like, he was really, like, happy, and it felt like how he used to be. - It was just good to see him. I had just actually seen a glimpse of, 'Yay!' You know? He's come back to himself. - Yeah. He just burst into tears, and we all ended up crying in front of, like, the whole rehab house. (BOTH LAUGH) So... Yeah. Nothing will take the moment away from me. - It requires every fuckin' ounce of strength you have left to pick yourself up and actually do a programme and not bullshit yourself and do the programme for real. Get up every day and make the choice to live... and do something different. - I have the feeling that this` yeah, he'll be clean as long as he's alive, because he's been through all that, and he's learnt from his mistakes. - I remembered how much I actually love sleeping and love eating and love food and how much I love spending time with my family, and that those are all the things that were missing from my addiction. And I've got them now, and I know one-fuckin'-thousand per cent that I made the right choice in that the things I have are the real value. So who am I gonna be? Cos I know who I set out to be, and I'm still on that journey to become that person.