LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE ALL ASLEEP. MAYBE I SHOULD SNEAK OUT OF HERE. NO. WHY DON'T YOU STAY FOR BREAKFAST? HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? WHAT ABOUT YOUR SISTERS? WHAT ABOUT THEM? AAH! WHOA! OH! SORRY. YOU OK? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? TRYING TO FIX THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? MESSIN' AROUND. OH...HEH. OH, HEY, SORRY. I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU I WAS HERE, RIGHT? NO, DON'T BE SILLY. PAIGE IS A BIG GIRL. SHE CAN HANG OUT ALL SHE WANTS TO, NOT THAT SHE DOES, A LOT. I MEAN-- YOU CAN STOP NOW. GREAT. HEY, DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE A LOOK? SURE. GO AHEAD. OK. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE DISPOSAL ANYWAY? NOT DISPOSING. WASHER NOT WASHING. CABLE NOT CABLING. DON'T FORGET THE SINK UPSTAIRS. THAT'S NEXT ON MY LIST. SOUNDS LIKE FUN. THAT'S MY LIFE, ACTUALLY, ALL ABOUT FUN. THERE YOU GO, AS GOOD AS NEW. AH, HE'S HANDY TO HAVE AROUND. YEAH. I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T USE MAGIC ANYMORE. JUST ONCE IN A WHILE FOR LITTLE THINGS. YOU WANT ME TO FIX THE WASHER? NO. YES! CAN YOU GUYS HELP ME PICK OUT SOME EARRINGS? HI. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HERE. HEY, YEAH. WELL, WE GOT IN LATE LAST NIGHT. I SEE. HE FIXED THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. REALLY? MM-HMM. MAGICALLY. REALLY? CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY EARRINGS OUT HERE, PLEASE? SURE. EXCUSE ME. SO HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS, SCRAMBLED OR OVER-EASY? OK, LISTEN, WAS THAT WEIRD? WHY ARE YOU SO DRESSED UP? BECAUSE I HAVE A DATE WITH JASON, BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT. DIDN'T RICHARD LOSE IT THE LAST TIME HE USED MAGIC? I MEAN, LIKE, REALLY LOSE IT? UH, I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT HE STAYED IN COMPLETE CONTROL OVER THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. IT'S 7:00 IN THE MORNING. HOW CAN YOU HAVE A DATE? OH, 'CAUSE IT'S 7:00 HERE, BUT IT'S EVENING IN HONG KONG. OK, SO YOU'RE NOT CONCERNED ABOUT RICHARD USING MAGIC? YEAH, I AM, BUT I'M MORE CONCERNED WITH PAIGE BEING REALLY PISSED OFF BECAUSE WE'VE BUTTED INTO HER BUSINESS AGAIN. YEAH, I KNOW, BUT WE'RE SISTERS. THAT'S WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO. BACK TO YOUR DATE: I DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS CHRIS ORBING YOU TO HONG KONG? NO. WE'RE VIDEO-CONFERENCING. WE JUST OPEN OUR LAPTOPS, AND THERE WE ARE, IN COLOUR. MM-HMM. IN EACH OTHER'S LAPS. SO DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD TALK TO PAIGE ABOUT...RICHARD? WE DON'T REALLY KNOW HIM. I KNOW. WE DON'T, AND NEITHER DOES SHE. THAT'S THE PROBLEM. WHAT? CAN'T I WORRY? FROM AFAR, YEAH. NOW, EXCUSE ME. I HAVE TO GO UNCLOG A SINK. WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE MAGIC COULDN'T HURT. HELP ME! OK, SO WATERY LADY POPS UP FROM THE SINK. YOU SURE SHE'S NOT A DEMON? I'M SURE SHE NEEDED HELP. WHAT ELSE DID SHE SAY? THAT WAS IT: HARDING PARK, POND, AND POOF. OVER THERE. THEY'RE COMING! TAKE THIS. IT DOES NOT BELONG TO THEM. UHH! AXE! I'M LIKIN' THESE ODDS. WUSS. LADY: THE SWORD. THE SWORD IS... WHERE'D SHE GO? WHAT DID SHE SAY? SHE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT THE SWORD. WHERE IS IT? IT'S IN THE STONE. THE SWORD IN THE STONE. OH, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME, RIGHT? # ARE YOU READY? # ARE YOU GONNA MAKE THINGS RIGHT? # WHAT'S THE MATTER? # COS YOU SEEM DANGEROUSLY UPTIGHT. # YOU TICKLE SLIGHTLY. # DON'T NEED NO CATCHER IN THE RYE. # YOU REMEMBER # THAT WE'RE NOT DUMB, AND WE'RE NOT SHY. # ARE YOU READY? # ARE YOU GONNA MAKE THINGS RIGHT...? # OK, COULD YOU, MAYBE, MISS THE TABLE? UM, I'M SORRY. I'VE NEVER ORBED ANYTHING THAT HEAVY BEFORE OR THAT...HISTORIC. IS THAT GLOWING? NO. IT'S THE SUN ROOM. THERE'S A LOTTA LIGHT. WHAT PART OF THIS REALITY AREN'T YOU GETTING-- SWORD, STONE, LADY IN LAKE? IT WAS A POND. YOU THINK SHE'S FROM AVALON? YEAH. I THINK SHE WAS FLUSHED OUT BY WHOEVER'S AFTER EXCALIBUR, THE MAKER OF KINGS. LOOK, WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT CAMELOT, RIGHT? BECAUSE THAT'S NOT REAL. SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU NEVER BELIEVED IN KING ARTHUR AND THE KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE? YES, I DID WHEN I WAS 7, AND THEN I GREW UP. YEAH. YOU GREW UP TO BE A WITCH THAT FIGHTS DEMONS AND SILLY-LOOKIN' DRAGONS. THAT'S DIFFERENT. THAT'S REAL. AND THIS ISN'T REAL? WHAT IS REAL ARE THOSE HOODED FREAKS. WHO ARE NOT GONNA GIVE UP, NOW THAT THE SWORD'S IN THE OPEN. HOW DO YOU KNOW? WHOEVER HAS EXCALIBUR IS UNSTOPPABLE. OK, THERE'S DEFINITELY NOTHING IN THE BOOK-- OH, HI! HOW YOU DOIN'? PHOEBE, PLEASE, PUT A STOP TO THIS NONSENSE. DIDN'T REALISE YOU WERE STILL HERE. THAT'S OK. YOU CAN TALK FREELY IN FRONT OF HIM. LORD KNOWS, BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH. NO, NOT REALLY. PHOEBE. LOOK, GUYS, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO. AH! DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. IT'S GREAT. OK, ANYWAY, BOOK, EXCALIBUR...? YEAH. NOTHIN'. NADA. REALLY? TOLD YA. PAIGE: YOU KNOW, HEY, MAYBE IT'S BEEN OUT OF CIRCULATION SINCE YE OLDEN DAYS, AND MAYBE NO HALLIWELL HAS EVER COME ACROSS IT BEFORE. WELL, WE HAVE RUN ACROSS THESE GUYS, EXECUTIONER DEMONS, LOWER-LEVEL BAD ASSES FOR HIRE. WHO HIRED 'EM? UHH! THIS... HIGHER-LEVEL BAD ASS: "A POWER-MAD PALADIN OF DESTRUCTION." HUH. MAYBE--YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST KINDA HANG OUT LATER. YEAH. OK. BYE. BE CAREFUL WITH ALL THIS. ALWAYS. I HAD A... A REALLY GOOD TIME LAST NIGHT. ME, TOO. WHAT? UH, I JUST DON'T THINK YOUR SISTERS LIKE ME VERY MUCH. THAT'S NOT TRUE. REALLY? MAYBE THEY'RE JUST DOING THE OVERPROTECTIVE- SISTER THING. WELL, THAT'S A GOOD THING 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO YOU. DON'T WORRY. SO HE'S AN UPPER-LEVEL DEMON, WHICH MEANS, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE A VANQUISHING POTION. OK. WAIT. ME? WHY ME? BECAUSE I HAVE A FEW HUNDRED THINGS TO DO AROUND HERE, IN ADDITION TO RAISING A SMALL CHILD. I KNOW. YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO DO. YOU'RE MY HERO, BUT I CAN'T. I HAVE TO GO TO WORK. I STILL DON'T HAVE AN ASSISTANT, AND I'M SWAMPED. BUT--PHOEBE? PAIGE, POTION? OH, I'M SORRY, HONEY. THE TEMP AGENCY'S ALREADY GOT ME A NEW JOB. BUT THAT HARDLY COMPARES WITH-- COME ON. YOU KNOW THERE'S A MAGICAL REASON THAT I'VE HAD EVERY ONE OF THESE JOBS, AND WHO AM I TO INTERFERE WITH DESTINY? OK, SO YOU WANT ME TO ADD "BABY-SIT THE SWORD" AND "MIX VANQUISHING POTION" TO MY NEVER-ENDING TO-DO LIST? LOOK, SWORD IS STUCK IN THE STONE. YOU KNOW IT. I KNOW IT. THE BAD GUYS KNOW IT. AND NOBODY'S GONNA GET IT OUT UNTIL KING ARTHUR PULLS IT OUT, AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS, THERE'LL BE LOTS OF FIREWORKS. AND WHEN MIGHT THAT BE? HOW SHOULD I KNOW? MAYBE A COUPLE THOUSAND YEARS? WELL, YOU CAN'T BLAME A GIRL FOR TRYIN'. OH, BUT I DO BLAME YOU. THE SWORD IS NOW LOCKED IN STONE. YOU PROMISED ME MURDERERS. WHAT YOU DELIVERED WAS CANNON FODDER FOR WITCHES! THOSE WEREN'T JUST WITCHES. TELL ME, DEMON, WILL YOUR THICK HEAD STILL SPOUT EXCUSES WHEN IT'S CUT FROM YOUR NECK? IF THE SWORD IS WITH THE CHARMED ONES, IT MEANS WE NEED A BETTER CLASS OF EXECUTIONERS. THAT'S ALL. AND HOW MUCH MORE WILL THIS COST ME? THE CHARMED ONES ARE FORMIDABLE. HOW MUCH?! TO PROVIDE YOU WITH MORE EXECUTIONERS AND THE TRAINING NEEDED TO DROWN THE CHARMED ONES IN THEIR OWN BLOOD... A SEAT AT THE TABLE. IF YOUR GOAL IS TO UNITE ALL EVIL UNDER THE CORRUPTED POWER OF THE SWORD, YOU COULD DO FAR WORSE THAN HAVE ME AT YOUR SIDE. RESPONSES TO LAST WEEK'S COLUMNS. HOW'D YOU GET INTO MY E-MAIL? YOUR E-MAIL ACCOUNT IS MAXED-OUT, SO YOUR FANS ARE USING OURS. OH, I'LL TELL YOU, ELISE BETTER FIND ME A NEW ASSISTANT BECAUSE, PRETTY SOON, SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO ASK PHOEBE TO TAKE MY FOOT OUT OF HER-- (TELEPHONE RINGS) HELLO? PHOEBE HALLIWELL. OH. HEY, LAURA. UH, I HAVE THAT DOWN FOR...THIS MORNING. OH, MY GOD, I MISSED IT. I'M SO SORRY. NO. OF COURSE I CAN RESCHEDULE, ABSOLUTELY. AHEM! ACTUALLY, LAURA, CAN I CALL YOU BACK WHEN I HAVE MY BOOK IN FRONT OF ME? OK, GREAT. I'M SO SORRY. THANKS. BYE. HI. I THOUGHT YOU HAD A NEW TEMP JOB TODAY. I DO. WHY AREN'T YOU THERE? APPARENTLY, I AM. WHAT? HERE? YEP. AS MY ASSISTANT? WELL, I THINK I PREFER TO BE CALLED YOUR DESK MANAGER. WAIT. BUT I THOUGHT YOU GET ALL OF YOUR TEMP JOBS FOR DIVINE REASONS. USUALLY I DO. YEAH, BUT I DON'T NEED DIVINE HELP. I NEED FILING AND FAXING AND DESK MANAGEMENT HELP. I'M YOUR GIRL. I REALLY AM. WE'LL JUST, YOU KNOW, SEE IF THE DIVINE STUFF KIND OF APPEARS LATER. IT USUALLY DOES. YEAH, BUT I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. I MEAN, HOW WEIRD IS THAT? WELL, IT'S NO WEIRDER THAN USUAL. OH. I SEE. JUST KIDDING. SORT OF. LISTEN, YOU GET BACK TO YOUR COLUMN. I WILL CALL LAURA AND RESCHEDULE. I WILL... HELP STUFF. PERFECT. EW. HEAD DWARF: HEY, LADY! WE COULD REALLY USE AN AUTHORITY FIGURE OUT THERE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHAT AM I DOIN' HERE? I'M GETTIN' PUSHED AROUND. I JUST LOST MY PLACE IN LINE. WHAT LINE? W... BUT--WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE? WHAT IS THIS? HEAD DWARF: NATURAL SELECTION. NATURALLY, I HOPE THE SWORD SELECTS ME TO BE KING, FINALLY GET A LITTLE RESPECT AROUND HERE. PUHH! (LAUGHTER) OH, YOU PEOPLE, YOU CREATURES, WHATEVER, YOU CAN'T BE HERE. YOU GOTTA GO. WE HAVE A DIVINE RIGHT TO TRY OUR HAND. PHEW! WOW. YEAH. 10 FEET'S PRETTY MUCH THE DISTANCE. EH, BACK OF THE LINE, PLEASE. HOOF IT, SISTER. CHRIS? CHRIS?! GET DOWN HERE. WHERE'S CHRIS? BUSY. WHAT'S GOIN' ON? BUSY WITH WHAT? OTHER CHARGES. I TOOK HIM OFF YOUR ACCOUNT AGAIN. OUR ACCOUNT? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. WHOA. IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS? NO. NO, IT'S NOT. OK? NOW, LOOK, YOU'VE GOTTA GET ALL THESE PEOPLE OUTTA HERE BECAUSE I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW. GET--HEY! HEY! NO CUTS, BUDDY. HOW WAS THE STAFF MEETING? ENDLESS. HOW'S MY NEW ASSISTANT WORKING OUT? OH, SHE PUT A FIRE UNDER THE INTERNS. THAT'S FOR SURE. REALLY? HMM. OK, WHO CAN HELP ME WITH THAT? GREAT. YOU GOT IT. AND WHAT ABOUT COLLATING AND CROSS-REFERENCING? YOU, AND SO YOU WOULD HAVE DATA-BASING. ALL RIGHT. GREAT. YOU BOYS HAVE YOUR MARCHING ORDERS. I WILL CHECK BACK WITH YOU IN A COUPLE HOURS. WOW! WHO WORKS HERE? YOU DO. WHO ROCKS? THAT WOULD BE ME. BY THE END OF THE DAY, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A SYSTEM IN PLACE THAT TRACKS YOUR COLUMN IDEAS, YOUR COLUMNS WRITTEN, AND YOUR COLUMNS CONSIDERED, PLUS A SEPARATE FILE FOR YOUR QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, AND FAN MAIL. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. WELL, BELIEVE IT, BECAUSE YOU, MY DEAR, ARE NEVER GOING TO MISS ANYTHING AGAIN. THAT'S GOOD! IT IS GOOD NEWS BECAUSE YOU, MY DEAR, NEED TO CONCENTRATE. YES, I DO. YES, YOU DO, STARTING WITH TOMORROW'S COLUMN. I ALREADY WROTE TOMORROW'S COLUMN. YEAH, YOU DID. (KEYSTROKING) UH, IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH IT? WELL, I MEAN, I'M NO EXPERT, BUT I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS ONE QUESTION: OK, THE GIRL'S FAMILY WANTS HER TO BREAK UP WITH HIM BECAUSE THEY THINK HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC, AND, ABSENT OF ANY PROOF, YOU'RE TELLING HER TO END IT. WELL, YOU KNOW, NOT REALLY END IT, JUST SLOW IT DOWN A BIT. OK, BUT SLOWING IT DOWN BY NOT SEEING EACH OTHER IS, IN EFFECT, ENDING IT. I JUST THINK YOU SHOULD KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN. KEEP MY EYES OPEN? I MEAN--I MEAN, I THINK THAT SHE SHOULD KEEP HER EYES OPEN. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. YEAH. THIS COLUMN'S ABOUT RICHARD AND I, ISN'T IT? NO, IT IS NOT ABOUT RICHARD. DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. YOU HATE HIM. I CAN TELL, AND, WHAT'S WORSE, HE CAN TELL. LOOK, PAIGE, IF YOU'RE SENSING ANYTHING FROM ME, IT'S JUST CONCERN. I'M CONCERNED THAT YOU'RE FALLING TOO FAST FOR A GUY YOU BARELY KNOW. BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S NOT ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS. RIGHT. HEY, PIPER NEEDS YOUR HELP, NOW. PEST. OH, MY! I WAS AFRAID THIS WOULD HAPPEN. YOU THINK YOU COULD HAVE MENTIONED THAT? AND THEY WON'T LEAVE? PIPER: OH, NO, NO. MORE SHOW UP EVERY MINUTE. BUT NO BAD GUYS YET, RIGHT? WHAT IS THAT STENCH? WHAT IS THAT STENCH? PIPER: WE'VE GOT TO GET THIS THING OUT OF THE MANOR. LEO REFUSES TO ORB IT. HEY, THE LADY OF THE LAKE CAME TO THE CHARMED ONES FOR HELP. I'M NOT MESSING WITH THAT. OH, FOR GOD'S SAKES. IF YOU WILL NOT GET RID OF IT, THEN I WILL. (GASP) WOW. I BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THIS WHEN YOU GOT UP THIS MORNING. I-- THE SWORD HAS CHOSEN. YOU ARE THE NEW SAVIOUR, THE CHAMPION OF GOOD, AND MASTER OF EXCALIBUR. WELCOME TO YOUR NEW DESTINY. OH, CRAP. OH, CRAP. PHOEBE: OK, LET'S GO. NOTHIN' TO SEE HERE ANYMORE, NO MORE SHOW. ADIOS. SCRAM. YOUR MAJESTY, SERIOUSLY, IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL-- CASTLES BUILT, SUITS OF ARMOUR. YOU NAME IT, I GOT CONNECTIONS. (SNIFFS) IS IT JUST ME, OR DOES IT STILL SMELL LIKE OGRE IN HERE? I'M TELLIN' YOU GUYS, THIS IS ALL A BIG MISTAKE. STOP THAT. IT'S DRAWN TO YOU, JUST LIKE YOU'RE DRAWN TO IT. DO I LOOK LIKE I'M DRAWN TO IT, PAL? YOU WILL BE IN TIME. NO. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY QUEEN ARTHUR. OH, COME ON, PIPER, HAVE A LITTLE FUN. DON'T YOU REALISE WHAT THIS MEANS? HEY. ONE MORE THING ON MY TO-DO LIST? NO. IT MEANS YOU, MY DEAR, ARE THE CHOSEN ONE, THE FIRST IN CENTURIES TO HAVE POWER OVER THE SWORD. TELL HER ALL ABOUT IT, MERLIN. OH, ACTUALLY, THE NAME'S MORDAUNT. MERLIN WAS JUST A FAIRY TALE. HA! BUT CAMELOT WAS NOT. AHA! AND, THANKS TO YOU, IT CAN RISE AGAIN. SO WHAT ARE YOU, A WIZARD, A SORCERER? OH, ACTUALLY, I'M NEITHER. I'M JUST A HUMBLE TEACHER IN SERVICE OF THE SWORD, AND WE MUST BEGIN INSTRUCTION IMMEDIATELY, BEFORE YOUR ENEMY ATTACKS. THE DARK KNIGHT. YOU KNOW HIM? YEAH. WE'VE ALREADY KICKED HIS ASS. AND IF HE SHOWS UP AGAIN, WE HAVE A VANQUISHING POTION READY AND WAITING. WHAT'S IN IT? IT'S A MANDRAKE VARIATION WITH A LITTLE BIT OF GRIFFIN'S BLOOD. GOOD, IF YOU'RE GOING UP AGAINST A PUSTULOUS KNAVE, WHICH YOU'RE NOT. IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT THE DARK KNIGHT WITH MAGIC, THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED... I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T A SORCERER. I PICKED UP A FEW THINGS ALONG THE WAY. THE DARK KNIGHT IS NO TRIFLE. YOU'LL HAVE TO HIT HIM WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE. I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF HALF OF THESE INGREDIENTS. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU PICKED UP QUITE A BIT. WHAT DO YOU THINK? CAN'T GET A READ ON HIM. DISTRUST IS EXPECTED, BUT DON'T LET IT BLIND YOU. IF I HAVEN'T TAUGHT PIPER HOW TO MASTER THE SWORD BEFORE THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS, YOUR SURVIVAL DEPENDS ON THAT POTION. OK, SO WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET THE INGREDIENTS? I THINK I KNOW A PLACE. LEAVE IT TO ME, YOUR TRUSTY ASSISTANT. ALL RIGHT, I GUESS I WILL GO CHECK WITH THE OTHER ELDERS AND SEE WHAT THEY KNOW. YOU WANT ME TO TAKE WYATT? PIPER? HMM? DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE WYATT WITH ME? YEAH, YEAH. SURE. I'LL BE FINE. EN GARDE! AAH! NOT BAD. BETTER THAN ARTHUR'S FIRST TIME. REALLY? NOW, I'M GONNA COME IN LOW. BELIEVE IN EXCALIBUR. JUST LET IT FLOW THROUGH YOU. NO, NO! WAIT! THESE ARE YOUR BEST? THE HIGHEST QUALITY. THEY'LL GET THE JOB DONE. THEY'D BETTER. IF THEY DON'T, IT'S NOT ME THEY'LL HAVE TO ANSWER TO. I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE-- I SERVE A GREATER POWER. WHOSE? WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM. WELL, SHOULD'VE FIGURED YOU'D BE AFTER THE SWORD. TELL HIM. KISS MY GRUMPY ASS. TELL HIM. YOU'RE TOO LATE. PIPER HALLIWELL HAS EXCALIBUR, AND SHE'S BEING TRAINED HOW TO USE IT. DARK KNIGHT: BY WHO? WHO'S TRAINING HER! AH! DOES THIS CHANGE ANYTHING? IT CHANGES... EVERYTHING. I THINK WE'VE GOT EVERYTHING YOU NEED: PLANT ROOTS, FUNGI, HERBS, CREATURE PARTS, INSECTS-- CREATURE PARTS? UH, FAIRY WINGS. WAIT. FAIRY WINGS? WELL, I DIDN'T KILL THEM, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE WONDERING. THEN HOW'D YOU GET 'EM? UH, PHOEBE. WHAT? FAIR QUESTION. ACTUALLY, I'M NOT SURE. MY FAMILY'S BEEN STOCKPILING THIS STUFF FOR YEARS BECAUSE OF THE FEUD. YEAH, BUT THE FEUD'S OVER, RIGHT? HEY, YOU KNOW, I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED A MORTAR AND PESTLE FOR THE POTION. DO YOU HAVE ONE? YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT? YOU DON'T HAVE TO TREAT HIM LIKE HE'S EVIL. PAIGE, I'M JUST REACTING TO WHAT I SEE. I MEAN, HOW MANY GUYS DO YOU KNOW THAT STOCKPILE GREMLIN EARS? OK, FIRST YOUR NOT-SO-SUBTLE COLUMN AND NOW THIS. WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME OUT AND ADMIT IT? YOU HATE HIM. PAIGE, I DON'T HATE HIM. I'M JUST WORRIED. WELL, DON'T WORRY 'CAUSE I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. OK, SO ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU AT ALL THAT HE'S USING MAGIC AGAIN OR THAT HE HAS THIS-- THIS ROOM HIDDEN? WHAT PART OF "THIS IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS" ARE YOU NOT GETTING? OH, PAIGE, I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU, OK? JUST LIKE YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT ME WHEN I WAS DATING A DEMON. RICHARD IS NOT A DEMON. NO. I KNOW HE'S NOT A DEMON, PAIGE, BUT HE HAS A DARK SIDE AND POWERFUL MAGIC, AND THAT'S A VERY DANGEROUS COMBINATION. I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU, OK? I'M SORRY. HERE. THANKS. EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? (SIGHS) LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH. YOU'RE A QUICK STUDY. YOU'RE A GOOD TEACHER. SO, YOU FEEL THE SWORD'S POWER? YES. HOW'S IT FEEL? NOT BAD. YOU AND EXCALIBUR ARE BECOMING ONE. SOON NOTHING WILL MATTER, NOTHING EXCEPT THE DESIRE TO RULE. YOU. I WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU'D SHOW UP. TAKE HIM. "WEARBOAR TUSK, ONE PINCH." OK. PAIGE: "NYMPH HAIR, ONE LOCK." OH, I HOPE THIS ISN'T FROM SOMEONE WE KNOW. "WRAITH ESSENCE, 3 DROPS." 1, 2, 3. AND, UH, "BLACK POPPY, ONE LEVEL TEASPOON." I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF BLACK-- NO! PHOEBE, YOU OK? RICHARD? WAIT. WATCH. PHOEBE: OOH! DON'T EVER MIX WRAITH ESSENCE AND BLACK POPPY... EVER. WHY WOULD MORDAUNT DO THIS? BECAUSE HE WANTS YOU DEAD. AAH! UHH! RRR! AAH! I THOUGHT WE MADE A DEAL. I DON'T NEED YOU TO GET THE SWORD ANYMORE. I'VE GOT HER. YOUR ASSIMILATION IS COMPLETE. YOU ARE NOW ONE WITH EXCALIBUR. NOW WHAT? IT'S JUST US. HE'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK HE IS. HE TRIED TO KILL US. HE WANTS THE SWORD. BUT THE SWORD CHOSE ME. NO, HE'S JUST USING YOU. HE WANTS THE POWER OF THE SWORD FOR HIMSELF. YOU'RE NOT MEANT TO CONTROL THE SWORD. BUT I DO CONTROL IT. AND YOU DON'T THINK I CAN. PERHAPS WE SHOULD LEAVE. (WHISPERING) UH, PAIGE! PAIGE, PAIGE, PAIGE! EXCALIBUR! DON'T DO THAT AGAIN. IT APPEARS YOUR QUEEN HAS SPOKEN. HER MAJESTY HAS LEFT THE BUILDING. OR HER MADNESS. DOESN'T LOOK LIKE MUCH OF A KINGDOM. THIS IS JUST WHERE IT BEGINS, WHERE YOU FORM YOUR INNER CIRCLE. LET ME GUESS-- THE KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE? THE KNIGHTS OF YOUR ROUND TABLE. YOU'RE ON A NEW PATH NOW, A NEW DESTINY. THAT'S GOOD 'CAUSE I WAS GETTING A LITTLE BORED OF THE OLD ONE. A WORLD OF ADVENTURE AWAITS YOU. WARFARE, CONQUEST... CAMELOT. AND WHAT EXACTLY IS CAMELOT? WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO BE. IT'S YOUR KINGDOM TO MAKE. COULD YOU BE A LITTLE MORE SPECIFIC? THERE WILL BE NO ONE ABOVE YOU, NO ONE TO CHALLENGE YOU. YOU WILL HAVE FREE REIGN TO RESHAPE THE WAY THINGS ARE AND TO CREATE A WORLD OF YOUR DREAMS. ALL WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE YOU. ALL WILL SERVE YOUR EVERY DESIRE. INCLUDING YOU? ESPECIALLY ME, MY QUEEN. WHAT IS IT? WELL, WE MUST BUILD YOUR KINGDOM FIRST, AND TO DO THAT, WE NEED TO FILL YOUR ROUND TABLE WITH KNIGHTS. VERY WELL. I HAVE A FEW IDEAS. NO. LET ME BE YOUR COUNCIL. I KNOW BEST WHO WILL SERVE YOU WELL, BUT THEY WOULDN'T COME EASY. YOU MUST CHALLENGE THEM ON FIELDS OF BATTLE, FORCE THEM TO JOIN YOU. I THINK I CAN DO THAT. ANYTHING? NOPE. CAN'T FIND PIPER ANYWHERE. WELL, KEEP LOOKING. SHE'S BOUND TO SHOW UP SOMEWHERE. YEAH? TO DO WHAT? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. IF SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO PULL THE SWORD OUT OF THE STONE, THEN WHY WAS SHE ABLE TO? BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE OTHER ELDERS, SHE WAS ONLY MEANT TO PASS IT ON TO WHOMEVER WAS REALLY MEANT FOR IT. OK, SO SHE'S NOT THE NEW KING ARTHUR, BUT SHE IS THE NEW LADY OF THE LAKE? BASICALLY, YEAH. OK, SO WHY IS IT TURNING HER EVIL? BECAUSE ONLY THE ULTIMATE POWER ON EARTH CAN HANDLE EXCALIBUR. THAT'S WHY THE LADY STAYED IN THE LAKE, TO INSULATE HERSELF FROM THE POWER OF THE SWORD. OK, SO WE SHOULD FIND PIPER AND THEN DROWN HER. OH, I'M JUST KIDDING, LEO. IT'S NO JOKE. IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP THE POWER FROM CONSUMING HER, DESTROYING HER. OK, STILL, WHAT DOES MORDAUNT WANT WITH PIPER? I MEAN, HE'S TRICKY, BUT HE IS HARDLY THE ULTIMATE POWER ON EARTH. BUT HE COULD USE PIPER TO BECOME THAT POWER. GUESS WHO JUST SURFACED? SHOULD I KILL HIM? YOU'RE THE QUEEN. I NEED ONE MORE KNIGHT TO SIT AT MY ROUND TABLE. CARE TO JOIN ME? JOIN YOU? WHICH SIDE ARE YOU ON? ALL WE'RE INTERESTED IN IS THE GREATEST POWER. BECOME ONE OF US. WHAT HE SAID. WHAT DO I GET OUT OF IT? YOU? YOU GET TO LIVE. PAIGE: PIPER! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WAS A TRAP! YOU, STAY PUT. YOU, I WARNED YOU. SORRY, YOUR MAJESTY. PAIGE, NOW! ORB HER! UNH! IMPRESSIVE, HUH? NOW, MAKE YOUR QUEEN PROUD. UHH! WHAT JUST HAPPENED? I DON'T KNOW, BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S GOOD. LEO?! WELCOME. I ASSUME YOU'RE ALL WONDERING WHY YOU'VE BEEN GATHERED HERE, BUT DON'T WORRY. IF I WANTED TO KILL YOU, I WOULD HAVE DONE SO ALREADY. YOU ARE THE CHOSEN FEW WHO WILL HELP CHART A NEW WORLD ORDER, UNITED UNDER ME. EXCUSE ME, YOUR MAJESTY. WE'RE GETTING AHEAD OF OURSELVES. ARE WE? THE SMALL MATTER OF THE LOYALTY OATH? OH, YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT. UH...ADMINISTER THAT OATH. IF YOU WILL ALL PUT YOUR LEFT HAND... (GRUMBLING) OR CLAW, ON ONE OF THE 5 POINTS OF THE PENTAGRAM IN FRONT OF YOU. BERAXIS... COTRAH... MIERRAHH! SUPREME DEMONIC POWERS, LEAVE YOUR HOSTS AND FIND A NEW HOME IN THIS WILLING HEART! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP! (PANTING) YOU VANQUISHED ALL MY KNIGHTS. WHY?! FULFILLING MY CENTURIES-OLD QUEST TO CONTROL EXCALIBUR. BUT IT BELONGS TO ME. NO, IT DOESN'T. IT NEVER DID. BUT THANKS TO YOU AND THE COMBINED POWERS OF YOUR KNIGHTS, NOW IT BELONGS TO ME. I'M THE ULTIMATE POWER. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. IT'S SIMPLY A TRANSFER OF POWER, THAT'S ALL. AND NOW, ALL THAT REMAINS TO DO IS TO ELIMINATE THE TRUE RECIPIENT OF EXCALIBUR BEFORE HE GROWS OLD ENOUGH TO FULFIL HIS DESTINY AS THE SON OF A CHARMED ONE. YOU CAN'T HURT HIM. HE'S PROTECTED. I COULDN'T BEFORE... BUT I CAN WITH THIS. (GASP) OWWW! FEELING ANY BETTER? NO, I'M PRETTY SURE "OW" SIGNIFIES THAT I AM NOT, IN FACT, FEELING ANY BETTER. OH, I AM GETTING TIRED OF THIS WHOLE SOUL SEPARATING FROM MY BODY THING. IT'S GETTING TO BE A DISTURBING PATTERN. IT WAS PRETTY CLOSE, TOO. YOUR SOULS WERE GETTING READY TO MOVE ON. MOVE ON TO WHERE EXACTLY? NICE TRY. I CANNOT BELIEVE PIPER. DID YOU SEE THAT LOOK IN HER EYES? HEY, AT LEAST IT LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS HAVING FUN FOR ONCE. FIND HER YET? NO, NOTHING. WELL, KEEP TRYING. JUST LIKE LAST TIME, THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING TILL THEY RESURFACE. YEAH, UNLESS MORDAUNT WANTS HER TO HELP HIM RULE THE UNDERWORLD. THERE'S GOT TO BE ANOTHER WAY TO GET HER OUT OF THIS. SURE WISH WE KNEW WHO KING ARTHUR IS. WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I MEAN, IF WE NEED TO SEPARATE PIPER FROM THE SWORD, WHAT BETTER WAY THAN TO FIGURE OUT WHO SHE'S MEANT TO GIVE IT TO? NO. IT'S WYATT. OH, MY GOD, IT HAS TO BE. (GROANING) WHAT-- WHAT'S THE MATTER? IT'S PIPER. SHE'S HURT. HARDING PARK. LET'S GO. I GOT WYATT. MORDAUNT: DON'T WORRY. IT'LL ALL BE OVER SOON. ONCE THEY COME FOR YOU, I'LL GO FOR HIM. PHOEBE: HURRY! HURRY, HURRY! I AM, I AM! (GASP) WHERE'S WYATT? MY APOLOGIES, KING WYATT. I GUESS IT JUST WASN'T MEANT TO BE. WHAT?! OH, AND THAT'S HIS FAVOURITE TEDDY BEAR. BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THIS WHEN YOU GOT UP THIS MORNING. BUT I'VE STILL GOT EXCALIBUR! NOT FOR LONG. (WHISPERING) GO FOR IT, WYATT. OK, SWEETIE, THAT'S VERY, VERY GOOD. BUT WE NEED TO PUT THIS AWAY SO YOU DON'T PUT AN EYE OUT... AT LEAST UNTIL YOU'RE 18. HOW ARE YOU? OH, FINE. THINK YOU CAN ORB THIS INTO THE ATTIC? ABSOLUTELY. AWAY FROM ANY FURNITURE. (CRASH) SORRY. DON'T WORRY. I'LL JUST ADD IT TO MY LIST. HEY. I JUST FINISHED THE LAST OF THE FILING. GREAT. THANKS. IS THAT TOMORROW'S COPY? UH, YEAH. I'M JUST DOING SOME LAST-MINUTE CHANGES. THIS WOMAN RIGHT HERE IS WORRIED THAT HER MOTHER MIGHT BE MARRYING THE WRONG GUY. REALLY? YEAH. SHE THINKS HE MIGHT BE THE DEVIL INCARNATE. DIDN'T WE VANQUISH THE DEVIL INCARNATE? I TOLD HER THAT UNLESS SHE HAS ABSOLUTE PROOF, SHE SHOULD PROBABLY BUTT OUT AND LET HER SISTER LIVE HER OWN LIFE. I THOUGHT THIS WAS ABOUT A MOTHER. YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. YEAH, I THINK I DO. IT'S FUNNY. THIS IS THE FIRST JOB I'VE GOTTEN WITHOUT A MAGICAL REASON BEHIND IT. WELL, THERE MAY NOT HAVE BEEN A MAGICAL REASON, BUT THERE WAS DEFINITELY A REASON. I JUST HAVE TO LEARN TO TAKE MY OWN ADVICE. YEAH, WELL, DON'T STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME TOO MUCH. OK. HEY. SORRY TO INTERRUPT. YOU READY TO GO? YEAH. UM, WE'RE GOING OUT. DO YOU WANT TO JOIN? I'D LOVE TO, ACTUALLY, BUT, UH, I'M GONNA TAKE A RAIN CHECK. IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY. OK. GOOD NIGHT. HEY, PAIGE? YOU'RE FIRED. ACTUALLY, I QUIT. LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME THAT BEFORE WE TAKE THAT THING OUT OF STORAGE, THAT YOU'RE GONNA PLAY LOTS OF FOOTBALL AND BASEBALL AND HAVE LOTS OF NORMAL TOYS, AND MAYBE WE'LL EVEN GET A DOG. WHAT DO YOU THINK? HOW WE DOIN'? UH, HIS HIGHNESS SEEMS CONTENT. WHAT ABOUT YOU? I'M DOING ALL RIGHT. AT LEAST I HAVE MY PRIORITIES STRAIGHT NOW. I WAS SO BUSY DOING STUFF, AND ALL I REALLY WANTED TO DO WAS HANG OUT WITH HIM. WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE MORE TIME FOR THAT NOW. I FIXED THE WASHER. YOU DID? AND THE SINK AND THE CABLE AND THE TOILET. WOW. I FORGOT HOW HANDY YOU WERE TO HAVE AROUND THE HOUSE. PRETTY STRANGE, HUH? KIND OF SCARY, ACTUALLY. WHY? WELL, WE'VE SEEN WHAT HE CAN DO WITHOUT THE SWORD. I CAN'T BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHAT HE COULD DO WITH IT. WELL, WHATEVER IT IS, IT'S MEANT TO BE. DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY LESS SCARY, THOUGH. BUT THAT'S TOMORROW'S PROBLEM. I'LL WORRY ABOUT IT THEN. OKEY-DOKEY. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --WWW.NCICAP.ORG-- Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.