- You look good. Cute jacket. Your loyalty to a fascist murderer has really paid off. I hope it was worth it. - Wait here. (UNEASY MUSIC) (INAUDIBLE) (INAUDIBLE) (UNEASY MUSIC BUILDS) - Alex, Pip, Jamie, my girls! - Hi, Pip. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) - What happened to your hair? - Oh, Michelle just wanted a change, didn't you, from those nasty old bangs. Come. I have something to ask you. WHISPERS: In private. Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2023 (SEA CAPTAIN WHISTLES CARMEN'S 'HABANERA') - Na-na! - Trying to fatten me up before the kill? - No, you fuckin' drama queen. Just trying to be a good host. - WHISPERS: You're not a good host if you turn me in. - Oh, it's not up to me; it's up to your friends and whether they can come up with the goods in time. - Why are you doing all this anyway? Huh? You wanna watch a rat in a cage ` is that it? - I mean, I was curious. - About what? - How it feels ` you lot being the endangered species now. - Oh, is that funny to you, is it? - No. No, I'm saying I think I know how it feels. - You don't know shit about me. - True. But... I do know about people. I know about... the violence that they make. And some of it's meant to hurt ` fuck those guys. But the other stuff, that's almost worse. Isn't it? They don't even mean... to dehumanise you; you just... you're already so far from human to them. You're just this... this thing. So, (CLEARS THROAT) best way I know how to 'unthing' myself is to indulge in uniquely human pleasures. Case in point. - Shoo, shoo. Pure decadence, isn't it, Pippy? WHISPERS: Have some. - No, thank you. - You know you want to. Delicious. The macaron have real gold foil on them. - Fuck the macarons. Why are we here? - Oh! OK, fine. Spoilsports. My question to you is ` what's better than the first boy baby shower in eight years? Two boy baby showers. (LAUGHS) Oh Goddess. I'm not having twins. No, no, no. No. (CHUCKLES) I mean... who else here is with child? Jamie. You're gonna have a boy! (LAUGHS) - What? - Using a nifty little procedure called nanopore, we detected fragments of other DNA in your blood. Foetal DNA... with a Y chromosome. We know the virus kills 100% of boy embryos within hours of conception. For eight years, we have known there is 100% mortality of boy embryos... until me. And now until you too. WHISPERS: Can you believe it? Oh! Isn't it just fantastic? I know we've had our ups and downs, but I firmly believe this is Mother Nature's way of urging a reconciliation. Constance, I would like some mummy to mummy time with Jamie. Watch the others for me, will you? - I'll come with you. Michelle can watch them. - Oh, I think I can handle myself. What is she ` 45 kilos, 50 kilos? (LAUGHS) Come. Oh, Jamie, come. Promise it'll be worth your while. Watch your head on the way down. - SEA CAPTAIN: # Here's to Bobby. He's true blue. # He's a pisspot through and through. # He tried to go to heaven, but he went the other way. # - Hey! - Down! Down! - (WHOOPS) - Down! Down! Atta boy. (LAUGHS) - Whoo! Cheers, mate. To my last good drink. - Fuckin' drama queen. - You know on all your big seafaring adventures, do you ever see or hear of... others like me? - I've heard the odd rumour, but... nah. You're my first unicorn. (LAUGHS) - Pretty shit unicorn if you ask me. More like a jizz vending machine unicorn. - (LAUGHS) - It's true, though, isn't it? That's all I am now. - Not to me, mate. - Yeah? - Yeah. - WHISPERS: Yeah, you mean it? (DOOR OPENS) - WOMAN: Boss? - Fuck. - WHISPERS: Please. Please. - Time's up. - Get down. It's not hygienic. - Oh, don't use your bedroom voice here, Constance. - SLOWLY: Get down. - OK... OK. - Did you cut your hair? Why do you let her treat you like that? - You don't know her like we do. - What, she fuck you? - No. She unfucked me. - Michelle, after everything you've seen her do... Constance, you've seen her too. Allowing her to be mayor of Hiro Valley is one thing. Allowing her to be prime minister of the whole country is, like, a lot another. - LANE: No, Goddess, no. We need a sense of occasion. - We shouldn't be drinking. - Wouldn't have picked you for a prude, Jamie. The yummy mummies in France don't deprive themselves; why should we? Voila. Je l'ai trouve. Le Chateau Rouge 1999. As in, let's party like it. We inherited this from the French ambassador's estate. He couldn't take it with him. (CORK POPS) (CHUCKLES) I miss that sound! Don't you? (HUMS 'LA MARSEILLAISE') (CONTINUES HUMMING) Hold these while I make you a little more comfortable. (HANDCUFFS CLICK) Carpe futurum, my jim, jam, Jamie. Have some. Mmm. (KEY CLATTERS ON BENCH) I was curious. - About what? - About whether you really thought I was gonna share my baby shower with you. - So, uh... So what now? - I'm gonna cut you a one-time deal. - Oh yeah? And what's that? - You win the sperm lottery. As many daughters as you want. Get your farm back. I guarantee you and your friends' safety. And every birthday, you get macaron and French champagne on moi. (GLASSES CLINK) If... you give me your son... to raise as my own. You say you're not feeling well tonight. Tomorrow, you miscarry. I put you up in my country house. We draw up the paperwork, and in a matter of months, you'll be pregnant again, only this time, you won't have worry about their future. They'll look exactly like brothers. And they will want for nothing... in their long, abundant lives, and neither will you. That's not a deal; it's a no-brainer. Yes or no? - WHISPERS: Fuckin' no. - Don't be rash, Jamie. Don't be selfish. Don't cut off your nose to spite your incredible future. Yes or` - No means no, you fucking cunt. - Do you know the expression pearls before swine? I can't tell who's stupider ` the pigs that can't tell what's on offer... or the idiot who keeps throwing gifts in front of pigs. - (GRUNTS) (GLASS SMASHES) - Shh, shh, shh. It's done now. Rest now. It's OK. - What...? - I'm fine. She attacked me. Constance, (PANTS) you were right to worry. She's unwell. - (GASPS) - She attacked me. (UNEASY MUSIC) (SCRAPING) - Lane. Lane! What's happening? - Clever little subcutaneous sleepy juice. Nicely done, Jamie. - Thanks. Worked just like you said it would. - What did you do to her? - She'll be fine. - What did I do to her? Here's what she just tried to do to my unborn child. - You tricked her. - We all know what she's capable of. The only difference this time ` we were ready for it. - (BREATHES HEAVILY) You're all in on this. You're all in on this. What is this? - We made a deal. - What could you possibly have to offer me that's worth more than 30 litres of white gold? - Well, what's worth more than a tired, dried up, haggard specimen like Bobby? The literal mother lode herself. - ATTENDANT: Normal touch won't be enough to administer the sedative. You need to scratch as hard as you can, break the skin, hold on for at least five seconds for the full dose. Got it? - All we needed now was to get close to the new prime minister. - Nothing less than treason would get us into Government House, so we committed the most heinous treason we could think of. We knew Lane would want to talk to us when she found out Jamie was pregnant with another boy. - Isn't it just fantastic? - All we needed was just the right moment, for Lane to do what she always does ` put herself first at all costs. - Why would you do this? - Lane's coming with us. - Over my dead fuckin' body! - We're not gonna hurt her. - Bullshit! - Constance... you don't owe her a goddamn thing. Listen. Listen! You can run this place better than her any fucking day. We are taking Lane, and I swear... on my mother's life that we will ensure her safety and the safety of her son. What about you, Bad Hair Day? Ready to control the destiny of your own head? - I think you could rock a pixie undercut. - Just give us a 10-minute headstart. That's all we're asking. 10 minutes, and then you sound the alarm. Make your choice. - (INHALES DEEPLY) (EXHALES) - Thank you. - I'm sorry. Are they...? - They're exes. - What? - I know. (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Oi! That's my cake! - WHISPERS: Go, go, go, go! - Um, excuse me. That's my cake. Um... Who are you? - Uh, Health and Safety. - Well, dress rehearsal started, like, five minutes ago, and I'm busting out of that cake in T-minus two minutes, so let's go. Oh Goddess. Why is it so heavy? Come on! Push it. Push it. Can we get a little bit of extra help, please? (ENGINE STOPS) - (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) - Please, mate? Just... Come on, please. - It's not personal. - Then you could personally not do it. - I've got a crew to feed. - LANE ON RECORDING: I believe motherhood is the most abundant gift the universe can bestow on a woman, let alone the first boy since the great reset. I invite you to celebrate me, us, and our miraculously bright future. - All right, stop. Stop. Back a bit. OK. - No! Uh-uh-uh. No. - What? - It's not safe. - No, move your hands. - No. - Excuse me. Move. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) - Stop. - It's starting. Move! Fuck! (GRUNTS) You're gonna fuckin' pay for this. # Ding-dong bell. # Pussy's in the well. # Who put her in? # Little Johnny Green. - It's not safe. You need to get down from there. - # Who pulled her`? Stop it. # Little Tommy Stout. # What a naughty boy was that # to drown poor pussy cat, # who never did` Get off. # ...killed all the mice` # - There's been an attack. There's been an attack in the wine cellar. (GASPING) - (STAMMERS) I'm not finished. Wait. Guys. (FRANTIC INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) Waah! - Go, go, go! - There's been an attack. Go that way. You guys go that ay. (WHEELS RUMBLE) - Go, go, go, go, go! (TYRES SCREECH) - That's my cake! Oh! (GRUNTS) - So... - We're good, mate. We're fuckin' good! (LAUGHS) - We're good? (LAUGHS) We're good! - Let's get the fuck outta here. - We're good! (LOUD RUMBLING) (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS IN DISTANCE) (ENGINES RUMBLE) (RUMBLING INTENSIFIES) - No. No, no, no, no! No! SHRIEKS: No! (SHRIEKING ECHOES) - (LAUGHS) Probably a bad time to tell her we just crossed into international waters. (CHUCKLES) - Last card. - What? - I know you've got no reason to trust me. I'm not gonna hurt you. OK? I'll admit ` I wanted to for the longest time, but this is bigger than the both of us. Somehow you're proof of the hack my mum was looking for. Anyone here tries to treat you like shit, you let me know, OK? I'm gonna be an auntie soon. And no one fucks with auntie. Oi, Jamie. Your watch. Gonna be an interesting two weeks. - Hey, those coordinates, I'm telling ya ` there's nothing there. - You agreed. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, your mum's work, yada-yada-yada. As long as I get my end. - And we get to vet whoever you're selling her to. - Yeah, yeah, we'll make sure the terms are mutually beneficial. We sure did bag the mother lode. (JAMIE GAGS) - You want me to make you a ginger tea? - No, I'm good, thanks. - Hey, girls, the view's pretty rad up top. You should check it out. - All right, all right. - What? - Pick up 10. - I'm sick of this game. - (LAUGHS) (BOTTLES CLINK) - Are you actually pregnant? - Yes. - With a boy? - Probably not. - But the blood test... - That we knew was coming, cos you already tried perming us once. - The blood test. - That showed up fragments of foetal DNA with a Y chromosome, like you said. You know who else has DNA with a Y chromosome? - (LAUGHS) - All it took was a simple blood transfusion. - You disguised Bobby's blood as foetal blood. Oh! (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) That is really so clever. That's so resourceful and clever and really quite sad for you too. No matter how much you wanna hurt me, no matter how much pain you want me to feel, I'm guessing it's quite a lot of pain, isn't it, JB? You're not carrying a boy. I am. I am the one. The mother. The singular future of the human race, and there's nothing you can do. There's not one single thing you can do. - Aargh! - (GASPS, SCREAMS) (INTENSE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) - Jamie! Jamie! What have you done, Jamie? What have you done?! - WOMAN ON PHONE: They have cut us off. - Well, I never said there weren't mistakes made. - (SPEAKS FRENCH) - Excuse me. Doctors, excuse me. (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ON PHONE CONTINUE) - I created a viable embryo once. I just need more time to unlock Tilda's code again. In the meantime, we will find Lane, reacquire my embryo` - Your embryo? - ...pull her back into line and bring the people who took her to justice. This is what the good old protocols are all about. End of conversation. - Dr Garvey, you have` (PHONE BEEPS) - Right. Let's fix this fucking mess. Captions by Julie Taylor. Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.