(GENTLE ORCHESTRAL THEME MUSIC) Captions by Lena Erakovich. Edited by Kristin Williams. Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2023 (BIRD CHIRPS) - Just want to quickly show you` So, yesterday we went over these. - Mm. - Yeah? Jana is with me today. She's at reception. I'm training Jana to take in those calls or contact family regarding death certificates ` basic admin tasks. (MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC) - Oh, Jesus. Why are you on the floor? There's quite a mess down here. - He's what? - About what? - (SIGHS DEEPLY) Look at this place. It's` It's viewing rooms... (CURIOUS MUSIC) - Shall we go and have a look? - I feel like I need to. - Yeah, come on, then. Let's go and check on him. (TUTS, SIGHS) (VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRS) - Ooh, there he goes. - No, it's` it's very messy. - All right, Mr Tipene? - Yes, dear. (SNIFFS, SIGHS POINTEDLY) - I can hear you. - Can you? - Yes. What's wrong? - No, I'm disappointed. Someone left Jesus on the floor. It's not a very nice place for him to be. - Oh... - Oh, sorry about that. Have you put Jesus back? - Uh? - Where does Jesus belong? - Jesus belongs... up high, not down low. (KAIORA AND JANA LAUGH) I need everyone to go and see Jesus so they understand that he shouldn't be there. - Could you show us where Jesus is supposed to belong so at least we can inform the funeral directors for next time? - Jesus being on the floor ` I mean, look, it's` (SIGHS) To a lot of people, it's just a statue, but it's quite symbolic of a lot of things. And look at Mary. Just dumped in the corner. Goodness me. - Oh, sorry. - We've gotta sort that room out and get it` Cos it's for tupapaku. It's a viewing room, not a storage room. - We can raise him up higher than the angels. And I feel like he belongs in the chapel. Yeah? - Yeah. OK. - Ka pai. - Here we go. - (SPEAKS TE REO MAORI) - Haere mai. (GIGGLES) - Who do we have in the chapel? Anyone in the chapel? The challenge we have at the moment is where he actually belongs, and we can't put him back because it's in use. Shall we just place him over here for now? At least he's up. Raised a little bit. And look, he's between some beautiful, um... lights there. And let's pray that he doesn't... My husband is... drama. (CHUCKLES) My gosh, it's just too much for me. - Today is too much. - Yes. That's why I don't... I don't hang out with him that much. - (CHUCKLES) - I'm actually grateful that Jana's here today. She's kind of that buffer, because, you know, there's Francis on a cleaning buzz, so, um... WHISPERS: Jana. Jana, can you go hang out with your mate for a bit? - Anyone who tidies, anyone who loves a vacuum, anyone who loves to wipe things ` I love them. - You have your viewing room back. - We could do our best to make it immaculate... - Thank you, Jana. - ...but my husband just has to, uh, tweak things. - Beautiful. - Oh, what a stress, though, eh? (CHUCKLES) Like, wow. - (SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) It's how it should be. (GENTLE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) (SINGLE PIANO NOTE) - Today in our care, we have the late Stephen Charles Watson, who was 54 years old and died due to congestive heart failure. We'll try it from the top, eh? When you're dressing someone in the dressing room or assisting a family to dress, you often get a sense of their character by the clothes they wear. Mr Watson ` he had his Holden jacket, which they wanted to be placed on him. Just... just there. Yep. And so it lets you know he was a car enthusiast. - Today is special because the whanau have requested to have Smoochie, their ngeru, placed with Smoochie's master. - Oh... - We don't always encourage it, because pet needs to have some sort of mauiui, and we wouldn't want to put them down, you know, if they didn't have any sickness. - We'll just place him here for now. As Steve started to deteriorate` you know, with his illness, and then he passed away, so did Smoochie. Smoochie just got worse and worse and worse. And so when Steve died, it was evident, it was a no-brainer for the family, really, to stop the pain for Smoochie and to have Smoochie put down and be together with Steve. Initially, when the family asked to have Smoochie the cat placed into the casket with Steve, we were like, 'Yeah, of course. No problem,' thinking that they were going to be ash, cos a lot of` It's quite normal to have a pet` you know, pet's ashes placed in with their master or their owner. But this was the cat in full. GENTLY: Come to your master. - There we go. - There you go. Go in his hand. There we go. Together at last. - Aw... I've wanted to give him some cuddle, but at the same time, quickly place him in the casket, because he belonged there. So it was nice how Francis and Jay presented Smoochie and Stephen. They looked comfortable. - Smoochie, I'm just gonna go over the top of you for a minute, and then I'm gonna make a little cut in the material so we can see you. I guess the only thing was, we were worried about odours because the cat hasn't been embalmed or prepared. But it was only for the night, cos the funeral was the following day. So it just` There was no odour. And in fact, even for us, we just` you know, we got a little bit emotional because it just looked so beautiful. Smoochie, we're gonna bring you up close to your master. There you go. - Oh, he's in his arm. - He's his arm. GENTLY: Come in. Come in. All together. - Oh, man. It's beautiful. - It's so beautiful. It's so... Cos they were like, 'Oh, there you are.' That's the picture that they know ` the cat in his arm. When we lose a pet, it's like losing a member of your whanau, really. And so this family unfortunately lost two members of their whanau. - Smoochie was diagnosed with kidney failure two years ago, round the same time, Stephen's organs were starting to fail on him, but he stuck around with Stephen for those two years. But then on Saturday, when Stephen left us, Smoochie was then done, and he also left us on Monday. - His doctor shared something with us in his last days, and that was dying is a painful process. He now rests easy as he begins his new journey with his cat, who he loved very much. You'd often find them napping on his La-Z-Boy ` we'd say, 'There's two lazy boys.' We love you, Dad. You truly were one of a kind, and nothing compared to you, and see you next time. - At the conclusion of the service, the family have opted to place Steve and Smoochie into the hearse, and the hearse is going to drive slowly over to the crematorium building, which is in the next block over, and the family wanted to walk slowly behind the hearse to have their final farewells to Steve and Smoochie. - Kia ora, everyone! Can I hear a 'kia ora'? - AUDIENCE: Kia ora! - We've been invited to the Te Atatu Peninsula Community Hub. They're wanting to celebrate Matariki, and part of the celebration is us attending and sharing our books. - Oh, look at the traffic. - Oh. - We're gonna be late to the library. Tonight three of us are going on a small little date, and we're going to the library. Do you like the library, dear? - Yeah, I go quite a bit. - Oh. - Bit confused why he would take me. Maybe it's to make him look better? Hm... make him sound more brainier? - And I think the idea of it is to get more of our Maori and Pacific into libraries, you know? Panui pukapuka. - Oh yeah. - The last book I read, uh... probably was the Bible. - Bible? Makes sense, cos he has to give a scripture for karakia. - I send him emails ` he can't even read that. Um... I think maybe reading his phone? (CHUCKLES) - Embalming books, with the instruments and that ` like, with, you know, Foliki. Those sort of books interest me. What sort of books do you read? - Fiction. - Fiction? - Yeah. - Do I like fiction or non-fiction? No, I don't even know which one is which. - Ooh, gosh. Fiction. I think it's... things that are real. I used to read those 'Moons and Boons' books, but oh yeah, they got too stupid. If it's non, opposite to real. I think. - Is fiction true? - Well` Yeah. - Yeah` oh, and non-fiction is` - Not true. - Oh, true. - Yeah. Yeah. - Fiction is the fantasy one, and the non-fiction is the true. (LAUGHS) Oh, heck. - And remember, there's children there, dear, so don't be rude. - Oh no. Of course not. - Oh my gosh. - Oh my gosh. - Can we get` This is a, you know, family` - Yes, of course! - Nona and Francis can be loose, and I'm worried that they may forget there are people around. So, Fiona, why do you work for Tipene Funerals? Oh no, maybe we should turn her mic off at that point. - Why? (BOTH LAUGH) - Where do I start? (LAUGHS) - So I'm kind of praying, like ` 'Oh, please don't say anything rude.' Especially Nona. Oh, our Nona. Man, she won't hold back. - (SIGHS, CHUCKLES) - Sorry, yeah, he's lost for words at the moment, cos he's got diarrhoea. (FRANCIS AND FIONA CACKLE) (PLAYFUL MUSIC) (CURIOUS STRING MUSIC) - So all your booking and that is all`? - Yeah. Yeah. That's all booked in. (CELL PHONE RINGS) Oh my God. - Everyone has their favourites, right? Pick it up and say 'turituri'. - Turituri. - (CHUCKLES) I'm sorry, but Tamale's gonna be my number one. (LAUGHS) Am I allowed to say that? You've got the typical Fehi way. You've got the Francis way... - Oh, I hate side-setting near him. - He brings a new vibe. He brings a fresh vibe. Don't need to be nervous about Francis. Oh my goodness. - Oh, you know him. - You can show him a few things or two. He's amazing, Tamale. Yeah. (POIGNANT MUSIC) - Today in our care, we have Toni Vaenuku, who was aged 37 and passed away due to cancer. - How are you feeling, anyway, dear? How are you? - Um... it's always different when it's your own family, and seeing the name is just` makes it feel surreal, eh. Toni is actually the husband of my first cousin. He was more so kind of a brother to us, or the uncle that took us all in. - Toni ` how many tamariki does he have? - He's got six. So they've got six boys. - This is one of Tamale's first funerals that he will lead. I feel confident that he's gonna do well today with his whanau. - So, my mum went in the same casket as this. I lost my mum in 2016 to cancer, and... I guess our funeral experience then was... wasn't the best. And it's led me to want to serve with my whole heart, just so families don't feel the same thing I felt, and the things that my siblings felt. - Oh... (MURMURS) - I'm OK. Mm. - 'In this profession, we draw on those experiences to assist our whanau.' So in this situation with Tamale, he's experienced personal loss with the passing of his mum. - Say hi to her for me. - I can feel that he's drawing on that experience to help him through caring for his whanau. - The auntie that's gonna come` - Is this your mum's older sister? - Mum's older sister. - (CHUCKLES) So is she gonna be telling you what to do? - Yes. So, telling me something or telling me to do my job. (CHUCKLES) - (LAUGHS) - This is my boss Kaiora. This is Ofa. - Hi. I'm his work colleague. His work colleague. - Oh yes. - You're the boss. (FAMILY SPEAK IN TONGAN) - (WHISPERS GENTLY) In the Tongan tradition, usually it is your mother's family that comes and dress them, but in this case, it was just the wife, Ofa, Auntie Nia, and his eldest son, Frank. - SOBS: Oh, Toni... I know your heart... (SNIFFLES) is with your kids, because they're still young. (WEEPS) - This whanau, they're very staunch in their tikanga and their customs. You know ` It's best to learn what their processes are. - Is that elastic or is it cotton? - You come and show me, and then I'm going to do` - Cotton, eh? to do a cotton full dress for him inside... - Mm. - The removing of buttons, the removing of elastic, removing of certain materials allows the body to go well without any disruptions. So we believe, in the Tongan tradition, there should only be cotton, no nylon and no` you know, none of those expensive material. - He said, 'You're the boss now.' - The boss. Yes, she's a boss auntie. - (LAUGHS) - I gotta listen to her now. I'm not the funeral director any more. (CHUCKLES) Having Auntie Nia there as someone to direct us was good in terms of the Tongan side. But then I'd come in on my funeral director side and say, 'Hey, this is what we gotta do in order for this to happen.' (SPEAKS TONGAN) And sometimes it's hard to tell someone like Auntie Nia, because she's so Tongan, that she tends to just stick with tradition and stick with whatever she grew up with. So it was added pressure into this dressing. I went in all happy-happy, and then I had to let loose, and yeah, it was quite an experience. (SPEAKS TONGAN) ...will help us bring his head up, OK? Hey, we gotta do what we gotta do. OK. - (SPEAKS TONGAN) - SIGHS: Ooh... - ALL: Hooray! - Hip hip! - Hooray! - Happy birthday, mate. - It's your bowel screening test. I've done mine. - WOMEN: Me too! - Uso, you've got this! # Pull the stick from the test. # Put it in the poo. Just follow the pictures... - Koro. You can 'poo' it! - # Put it in the pottle. Put on the date. # Don't delay or procrastinate. (ALL CHEER) # Early detection can save the day. # (WOMAN SPEAKS TONGAN, SOBS) - Today is the funeral day for Toni, and we are at the Onehunga chapel ready for his final service. - (SOBS) (CRIES) - The white cloth that you'd see is what we call a feta'u. There's different types of feta'u. There's a feta'u Tonga, which is made out of, you know, the material of our ta'ovalas, but also... the feta'u Palangi, is what we'd call it, is just a normal fabric, and I guess, again, it acts as a blanket on top of the casket, but also, it looks nice. In this case, Toni's in-laws had sent that over as their love from the States. Toni was quite young, and so is his wife, so having the wife and the kids up to speak was beautiful. (FAMILY SING HYMN) So we'll be making our way to the Manukau Memorial Gardens, where his burial will take place. We had a procession of us, which was beautiful. He was a man who loved loud cars; he was a man who loved to fix cars. I was like, 'What a beautiful way to send off someone like Toni, who loved these things.' (POIGNANT, HOVERING MUSIC) On our way there, Fehi and I spoke briefly in terms of, 'Hey, what do you think about this? How should I do this?' And Fehi's real open ` you know, you're like, go with what you feel, with your heart. All right, boys, we're gonna lift ` we're gonna lift Toni on to our shoulders, eh? I'm gonna need the two tallest at his head, so his head... And she had told me, 'You know, this is your first funeral. 'Do it the way you want, and should something happen, you can't fault anyone. It's your family.' And that's what I took away from me and Fehi's conversation was, 'It's my family. Why am I stressing over this? 'Why am I adding all this pressure on myself, when I know I can do it?' On my count, we're gonna lift up and put him on to our shoulders, eh? On three ` one, two, three, up. Head up. Yep. Nice and slow, take your time, eh? Yep. Slowly come to me. Slowly come to me, eh? Take your time, boys, eh? That was beautiful, you know? Everything went smoothly. Two, three ` down. Stay there, boys, eh? I'm trying to see if it's all good. We want to go to that side, eh? OK, one, two, three ` up... and down. We got to the grave and we put Toni into the sticks and straps. Yep. And we're slowly gonna lower, eh? And ready to lower, which I was quite anxious about too. But I don't know why I was. Everything` everything went well. (GENTLE MUSIC) When we had lowered Toni, it was no longer Tamale the funeral director, but rather Tamale the nephew; Tamale that's grieving; Tamale that's thinking about Mum, despite it being Toni's ` I didn't want to take away from the reason we were there, so I quietly reflected on my own. I was thinking about the day that I lost Mum, the day we lowered her and how I felt. It gave me chills in a way. I don't know what it was ` even though it was hot, but I felt cold. I took that as a sign from Mum saying, 'Thank you for caring for Toni. I've got him now.' Hm. Say hi to Mum for me, eh? Love you, guys. (SPEAKS TONGAN) (GENTLE MUSIC) (EXPECTANT TIMPANI MUSIC) - Our guests... (INDISTINCT) - Shall we put our clothes on this chair? Well, I was a little bit nervous to go there, cos the library is not a place that I go often. I'm not a very good reader or a speller. - FIONA: Thank you. - Over there. - Eh? (WHOOPING) - I think cos Francis likes to rehearse, so he wants to be prepared, so I think that's why the nerves are a bit high at the moment. But I'm pretty chilled. Most of the time, Francis eats my food before I even get back. (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) - Hang on. I'm not that bad. - Oh, yes you do. - It's just cos it doesn't get cold, cos it's yucky when it's cold. - There, it comes out. Yeah, no. - They're being really nice in front of you guys right now. (LAUGHTER) Truly. (LAUGHS WRYLY) I can hear exactly what they're saying. (LAUGHTER) If there's anything about tonight, it is simply to normalise the conversation around hui mate, around tangihanga. - How do you, as Maori or as Indigenous people, regulate your wairua? - You know, before, we used to get asked this question quite a bit and we would say, 'Oh, we just eat together, we talk, 'we'll give a good service and care and aroha, 'but we're not gonna get involved 'so that we can come away back to our whanau.' We still korero. We still eat a lot and discuss things around the table, and that's` Yeah, that's` that's a downside. You know, the eating is good for our hinengaro, but not good for our bodies, but at the same time, that enables us to sit and talk. - It's so cool to see that people want to come to these types of korero. Some of our whanau now are preferring cremation than burial, and those are important discussions to have. - I think they've probably been through personal loss themselves, or they've seen or they've been with families who have lost people. They're probably interested in how things run. A lot of our families who have come in have said that they want to be prepared. They don't want to leave their family with a financial burden. They realise how expensive death is. - The audience, they were beautiful. You could tell that they were` obviously, they were there cos they were very interested. The questions that came from the audience were thankfully what we expected. I was at a funeral, and it was very, very sad ` and I don't often get sad. And they said to me, 'Oh, OK, we're ready to go from the chapel to the gravesite. 'Where's the grave?' I said, (TEARFULLY) 'Just over there. Let's go.' So, anyway, we got to the grave ` lo and behold, it was the wrong grave. (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) I said, 'Oh my gosh!' So we` 'No, the other grave over there.' So` So what you do is, don't cry` you know, keep yourself so that you know` otherwise you might go to the wrong grave. (LAUGHTER) So we have to remain professional the whole time. - When I am out in the community and I am engaging in that korero, people feel that it's a lot easier now to talk with their tamariki ` even making decisions, whether that's for burial or cremation. And if we can just generate something around that or even start something small ` cool.