(GENTLE JAZZ THEME MUSIC) Captions by Sean Lydiard. Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2023 - Hon? - Yes. - Jana? Do youse want some scrambled eggs? - Yeah. - The most important meal of the day is breakfast. And sometimes when we're at home, getting the kids ready for kura, my wife and I, we don't have breakfast. We feed them, in the car and drop them all off. So we'll usually have breakfast at work. The problem with that is we can't just have breakfast for ourselves, because you feel whakama eating in front of everyone else. There's my wife and Jana and maybe some other staff, so I wanted to make it so we eat together. No, there's no spaghetti. The cupboards are pretty bare ` there was no bacon, no bread, no... 'Not a lot.' ...baked beans. So just gave them eggs. You know, it's better than... So I thought, let's give... I'll have my breakfast and get them to come and join me and have some scrambled eggs. Mm. - This is the first time I've seen him make scrambled eggs. - I'm just getting the shells out. - So we thought, 'OK, this is going to be a treat.' I can see him... whisking it up. - Now it's just scrambled eggs; there's no toaster and there's no bread. So... - You usually add a bit of cheese or butter or milk to make it nice and moist. - I guess they probably haven't seen me cook before, let alone in a microwave. So, you know, it is... It was what it was. You guys are gonna love this, I'm telling you. - Beautiful. I just hope they enjoy it because I enjoyed cooking for them. I don't have any bacon or anything. - You've got boiled eggs and scrambled eggs. - No, no, those are just mine. You fellas are having scrambled. - And there's one piece of bread. - Yeah, that's mine. - (LAUGHS) - That's why I wanted to give you fellas eggs because I didn't want to eat my breakfast in front of you. - Ae, OK. So scrambled eggs and tomato sauce. At least can I have some salt with my scrambled eggs? - (CHUCKLES) - At least allow them to feel fluffy. But it was just like plonk. Yeah. It was just... - I'll just bless the food first. - Oh. - You did not`! - (SPEAKS TE REO MAORI) - (GIGGLES) Sorry. - (LAUGHS) - He caught us off guard. I mean, yes, I know it's right ` let's have a karakia, but oh heck. - (CONTINUES KARAKIA) - (YELPS) - Well, I was, you know, I was a little bit offended that they laughed. - LAUGHS: Sorry. - 'Actually, we need to have a karakia for these eggs.' - (CONTINUES KARAKIA) Amine. Now we can eat. - Add a bit of salt, and I think we're all good. (LAUGHS) - LAUGHS: And toast. (GENTLE PIANO MUSIC) - Today, in our care we have the late Joan Whitford, who was 91 years of age and died due to exhaustion, from being in a coma for so long. Hello. How are you? Today I'm going over to the house to check on Whaea Joan and just to make sure she's doing okay. Good morning, Joan. She looks beautiful. Were you happy with how she...? - Oh, beautiful. - Oh, wow. - I know. - The night before I arrived to check on Mrs Whitford, the whanau had a bit of a celebration just to celebrate her 92nd birthday. While they were having their celebration, one of the family members noticed that Mrs Whitford's eye popped open just ever so slightly, letting me know that she wanted to keep an eye on them all while they were having their little party together, which I thought was really beautiful. I'll be back tomorrow to close her eyes if she opens them up again tonight. (LAUGHTER) - You know why. - I'll know why. I'll be like, 'Oh, more partying, Joan.' Getting to spend time with whanau, I get to see a lot of beautiful things, and one of the things I was able to witness was the mokopuna writing messages on the back of the casket to their whaea, to their nana. Those are memories those mokopuna will create and hold deep within them for the rest of their lives. '(SINGS 'WHAKARIA MAI')' When the time comes that we need to close a casket for the final time, emotions run high and those nearest and dearest are very vulnerable. And to help with that, we'll sing a waiata, a hymn. Or if they don't want you to sing, we'll play a bit of music just to help ease their mamae and pain. # Hei kona au... # Titiro atu ai... # - I've been so proud of the family... and the way they've gathered around; you've all been amazing. It's the first time that I haven't had to do anything ` everybody just did it. - One of the beautiful things about having a loved one at home is that you're comfortable and you're free to speak as you wish, to say the things that you want to say. And this was evident at the final funeral service when Maurice spoke about his mum and other whanau members spoke as well. They were comfortable, they felt at home and they felt safe to do so. And that is one of the beautiful things about having a service at home. # Amine. # Watch your step. Nice slow walk. Upon arriving to the Papakura Cemetery, the whanau have organised balloons, full of colour, the number 92 there, for Joan's birthday, and it is almost a feeling of, you know, like a party feeling, like a celebration. Thank you, Joan. Thank you for the good times. Thank you for your hard work. Thank you for your love and laughter. And thank you for being you. We've shed the tears, we've had the stories, they've let it all out at home. And now they're ready to let go. And they're going to do so by remembering and making this a celebratory time. (SPEAKS TE REO MAORI) - For a long time now, Tipene Funerals has had a chapel at Hill Street, with a small arrangement lounge that doubles as a catering lounge, but it is very small. And so we've been blessed with acquiring the building next door and building a catering lounge with a full working kitchen. We're going to knock a hole through the wall so that they come out of the chapel, and go straight in through the next door. One, two... - There's a wall near the toilets, and my husband's measured that when you break through this wall, that it's going to come through to 26. He's tasked himself the project manager. - ...10. See? Perfect. - It's a major renovation, so I... I have a bit of faith in him that this project is going to work out well for us. - What has happened is the builder and engineers have drilled and the drill has come out into the toilet and not into the right place. It's hugely disappointing and I just don't know how this has happened. So I called my wife. So, you know, on 26 side, how we go to the brick wall? - Yes. - Right. So that actually, on the other side, is not in the hallway where I thought it was ` it comes out in the toilet. - Oh my gosh. He's the type of person you don't know whether you want to hug him so much or just get a light, match and boom. - So he said, do we want me to knock the toilet out? I said, no. So I'm just` it's not a good day today, so I don't really want to talk about it anymore. - (GROANS) I just, yeah, so, I would like to... I'd like to yell. I would like to growl. - ...seven, eight, nine, 10. We would have been at the right place. See? - It's another 'I told you so' moment. - I didn't measure it properly, but Stand did it too, so blame him too. - Stan? - Stan, yeah. When he was alive, we did it together. - 'Stan did it too.' (GROANS) What the... - Anyway, I've got to go. I've had enough. - You` - (SIGHS) All right. ` Like, what a dumb` Like, what a dumb` The dumb`! I` You're su` - So we wanted the whole here, to come through straight next door. But it didn't really work because this is not directly next door ` that is. It's in the toilet. So yeah, it's just` It's just annoyed me. - (SNORTS, LAUGHS) I hire professionals to do the job and they will do it properly and they will inform us ` 'Francis, the toilet is on that side.' No. What does Francis do? 'Oh, let's (BLEEP)ing do it anyway. Oh my gosh ` the toilet!' Aw. - So this is a hallway, and I assumed next door is a hallway, too. But, in fact, next door's hallway is over here, so we're not matching up, and that's um... It's very painful, mm. Because, you know, the measurement from there to there, and there to there, that's spot on. I just couldn't measure there all the way in there. - (LAUGHS) I'm so angry. - I want to reassure everyone that the stepping process which we took, it actually is remarkably perfect ` we just started at the wrong place. - Honestly, he's just the` (LAUGHS) You're supposed to, like, know that` - Yeah, well, I'm not a builder. I-I just was just doing what I, you know, what you think is right. - At the same time, I'm feeling stupid because I'm like, 'OK, he knows what he's doing. He always knows what he's` LAUGHS: Oh gosh. - Maybe I should stick to doing funerals and let builders be builders. You know, mistakes happen; we're not perfect. But this is what's happened here ` we've got the measurements wrong. - Today we have fale Frank Mulivai. He was 67 years old and has died from complications of cancer. Today at the dressing expecting his wife to come as well as his son, who has made the arrangements, and his only daughter, who is his princess. There's a selu just in that last drawer there, sis, on the right-hand side. Daughter is finding it a bit hard because she actually nursed dad in hospital. I sort of know how she's feeling because it takes me back with my dad. There was nothing that I wouldn't do for him. She's speaking to me about how she nursed him and how he would only allow her to do certain things. I said to her, 'I so know how you're feeling,' because my brother wasn't pretty good at that either. Just bring your hands up as close as you can to the head. Yeah, turn it this way. So the family brought in a beautiful white suit ` it is part of our culture to have all white, as it is a sign of new life. And he has an ```, which is wrap around lavalava for us, instead of pants. - Don't we look handsome. - All right. We'll get you guys to wait in the lounge and then we'll put Dad into a casket, eh? Three, two, one. Daughter, she asked me just for a few moments to say goodbye to Dad, because in our culture, once our loved ones go back home, then he is open to everyone and there's no moments alone just with Dad. So yeah, she's just taking those moments as much as she can before Dad is displayed for his family. - All right, Mum... (CHOIR SINGS) As the church is celebrating their 45 year anniversary since they first opened, and Frank is one of the founding members of that church, and he was there when it was only a small church. So it was a big moment for their family to have him there at the Sunday service. - I feel very grateful that I had this man in my life; I didn't have a father growing up, but I had wonderful male role models, lots of uncles, and this is another one. - At the family service, we try to encourage the families to allow the children to speak because obviously the funeral day, it is limited in time, where we need to sort of chase the time to get to the cemetery in arrival time. So family service ` his children are now going to speak and they're able to express what their dad meant to them. - His faith and commitment towards the church was always strong. His love and his love for his family was always shown. - QUIETLY: It's all right. - (SOBS) (SNIFFS) I'm sorry. Probably the most heartbreaking thing that I've experienced in my life. And I didn't get to say goodbye, which I'm` Which made me more... - Even though I'm heartbroken that dad didn't walk me down the aisle last weekend... as he wished for... I know that God had other plans for him. - Today I'm assisting Fiona with the funeral of Mr Mulivai. I mean, this is the first time I've seen family bring the funeral director coffee in a cup. - He is my family. - I know. - Because I ordered it last night. I have the assistance of my boss, Francis, today, and it's very nice to have him nice and early. Yeah, as per normal he's just my shadow. but I don't really need to tell him what to do because he's quite experienced in what the Samoan people expect and he is very patient with the culture, and I love the fact that he always wants to come through and assist. - Little bump there. Yep. - Keep going. Yep, you're all right. Usually at EFKS Church, where we are at at the moment in New Lynn, EFKS people have a lot of duties as a church to come and present presents, which is on the funeral day. Each group that goes up represents a family member that may be in their group and they bring laces and they will bring plastic flowers or maybe a big fresh casket spray to put on top. (POIGNANT PIANO MUSIC) - I've gone over to the cemetery just to check out the area because it is known for being on a slope. Might be ideal that you reverse onto here, and then we're just going to do a cross shuffle instead of going straight in. - OK, so do you want me to go up the hill. - Yeah, just come up here just a little bit here. - Mr Mulivai's in a big American-style casket, so there are little bits that she needs to figure out ` the best way to go up there, where to park the car. - Turn, turn, turn. Turn, turn, turn, turn, turn. I get to the cemetery and there's already a marquee up there ` the boys have already put it up. So thank goodness for that, because it starts raining again and we just don't want it to go in Francis' hair. Yeah, boys, latch on to the sides there. Nice and strong, eh? Stand up on the top of the grave. Keep coming. Come, come, come, come. And down. - And a little bit of manoeuvring we need to orchestrate with the pallbearers. It's raining, the mud is uneven, it's on a slippery slope, so many things could go wrong. But first and foremost, it's the health and safety of the mourners that have gathered. - (SPEAKS SAMOAN) - We attend a lot of funerals and some funerals, they just really get you, and Mr Mulivai... was truly and deeply loved. And you could hear the mamae and the pouri in his children, his grandchildren and his beautiful wife. He was loved so much. - After the songs are done and the prayers are, you can see that the children are now in realisation that this is it ` Dad is now being laid to rest. - I've been down in 'Harry Potter's dungeon' for six years and I've loved it; it's been quite private. It's been me. Hi, dear. - Hi, dear. - But now I'm being moved to a new office. Oh, look at the chairs. - I made sure it was one with a good weight capacity. - (LAUGHS) Oh my gosh. I even got a bum pillow. - And it's got a cushion for your bum. In Nona's new office, we've given her a nice chair and bum pillow. You like your office? - I love it. A bum pillow? I'm thinking, 'What's wrong with my bum?' - And look, there's one for your feet. Put your feet on. - I know. I can feel it. This feels amazing. It's really massive, my new office. I really don't know what I'm going to do with myself. - And you've got a mirror in your office. So you keep your hair looking tidy before you go to funeral. Brush it. - I really don't want it too big because people really invite themselves in there ` I'm trying to get away from people. But I love the fact that it will be better for my families that I can actually sit there. - So you can bring your family here to sit. I made sure we got a two-seater because if I got a three-seater, you will lie down and sleep... - (LAUGHS) - ...so you can't fit on that one. If her new office is to go by her past office, yeah, possibly could be a disaster. - Our Nona, she is not known for her cleaning habits. Everything in that old office needs to be cleaned out, and we're left with the task to clean up. These are really good shoes. There's clothes under the desk. There's lots of pairs of shoes. Oh, whose shoes do you think these are? - I honestly don't know. (LAUGHS) Ronald McDonald. (LAUGHS) - Bro, really? - No, they're not mine, man. Get lost. - Oi, whose are these? - That's not mine. - I find some undies and I pick it up with my hands. I think I need some gloves. Did they look like they've been worn? Oh, there's some gloves right here. Shucks. Oh, cuz. Free Willy. (LAUGHS) - LAUGHS: That's not mine. - Some nasty stuff in this office. It's just too small to be any of the staff, so. I don't know where Nona's been. Holy heck, who's getting all up in this office, man. None of this is going into the new office, no. It belongs in the rapihi. I almost feel like I need a mask. - I think I need, like, a Bluetooth speaker. Just a small one there. Just to set the mood. - Oh, what mood? - Like, set the atmosphere. - For death and for grief? - Yes!